Love and Light

Years ago, when I was choosing a name for my business, I was drawn to the alliteration of "The Sunshine Space" and the catchy association my name had to that title. It felt right. I was aiming to create joyful, playful home decor pieces and the word "sunshine" seemed to fit my vibe. I kept the name when I started screen-printing because my goal with clothing design was the same as my aim with decor design: make stuff that's uplifting & "feel-goody." I re-branded this blog with the intention of creating a s u n s h i n e space on the internet-  a bright site with beautiful pictures, happy moments, inspiring DIY and craft projects, and messages orienting readers to the Ultimate Source of light, our Savior. 

. . . But it fizzled. For the past few years, I've carried a certain level of guilt regarding my "business" and my "blog." My brain rattled with all kinds of thoughts in connection to The Sunshine Space. 

What's the point? I haven't been actively engaged in building my brand, sharing my message, or creating anything for months and months on end. It's too hard. Too time-consuming. Too stressful. Too much. I don't feel like the reward in the creation process outweighs the stress of making perfect items to sell. There is no joy in this. I don't know what to say on the blog. I haven't been taking enough pictures. I don't know how to brand my items. How should my shop be connected to my blog? Does it make sense to do it all under the umbrella of "The Sunshine Space"? I don't like the style of the shirts I ordered. Dang it. I've made so many mistakes. I should cut my losses, sell my equipment, stop. But what about the parts I do love? Designing, drawing, composing. Sharing messages of hope. Creating good and beautiful things- physical items, words and sentences, feelings. Why did I have such a pull towards "The Sunshine Space" in the first place? How can I add light to the world? What is my purpose? What fuels me? What's the point?

And on and on. Then, one day earlier this year, I was sitting in a downstairs room of my basement- the room I go to ponder, to read, to make things, to display my scrapbooks, to journal- and a thought came. "This is The Sunshine Space," uttered the Spirit. This? This room? The window of the room faces the south side of my home and is an awesome source of light. There are no window treatments on that particular window, so the sunlight just spills in. It is a sunshine space. But The Sunshine Space? What does that mean? And all of a sudden, peace and understanding split open across my heart.

It was time to register Tenley for kindergarten and I just hadn't been able to bring myself to do it. I'd been considering the possibility of homeschooling. Starting to pray about whether that could be a viable option for my children, for me. Intimidated by the thought of it, but intrigued. Almost too timid to openly discuss it, to say the words aloud. Unaware of all the options, but open-minded. Interested. Searching. "This is The Sunshine Space," again.

Oh! A place of love and light. This is The Sunshine Space, the school. The haven for learning, the safe space I want to cultivate for my children.  A place to develop creativity, gratitude, critical thinking, curiosity, a love of learning, optimism, perseverance, kindness. A place to seek further light and knowledge. A place for sharing, loving, and learning. Together. The Sunshine Space. 

And that is how I came to feel such a renewed zeal for building The Sunshine Space. All these years of working and creating and seeking meaning and planning. . . they were preparing me for the path I can see unfolding before me now: homeschooling. I want to create channels of love and light- of hope, joy, testimony. I want to share goodness, to make beautiful things, to find understanding. But the place I start is home. The most essential sphere of influence I have is with my children. I can start here. I can do this.

I am excited (and terrified!) to share my homeschool journey here and I hope to support and encourage other Mommas on the way.

Love and light,
Summer

"The stuff dreams are made of."

I've been feeling all kinds of mom guilt that I haven't given our new baby a proper introduction on the blog. How has he already been around for a whole month?!

Rhett Austin Knowlden was born on August 13, 2015 (7 lbs, 11 oz; 18 inches long). His entrance into the world didn't go anything like we had planned or hoped, but he made it here safely in the wee morning hours via C-section. We are grateful. 

I love this shot of us from our stay at the hospital. I look tired, but happy. Isn't that motherhood? It's draining work- changing, nursing, cuddling, crying, bathing, pacing, lifting, packing, folding, cleaning, loving. There have definitely been hard postpartum days where the tasks of parenthood seem overwhelming and annoying, but I'm trying so hard to cultivate a spirit of thankfulness and peace in my heart. Babies don't keep, you know? He's already so much more plump and squishy than he was when he got here!

The other night JD was able to get both sleeping kids out of their car seats and carried them inside (one on each shoulder) without waking them. I complimented him on his impressive Dad skills and he responded, "this is the stuff dreams are made of." He didn't want to lay them down and just soaked in their quiet goodness.

I've been thinking a lot about that phrase lately: "the stuff dreams are made of." I dreamed and planned and hoped for this stage in my life. . . my goal is to be present, grounded and grateful rather than frazzled, hurried, and resentful. 

Thank you, my little Tenley Mae and sweet baby Rhett, for refining me. You two, in so many ways, are making my dreams come true. 

Life right now

We took a spontaneous trip to California last weekend to visit friends. Two days of driving + three days of vacation. Grateful for a husband who encourages me to move a little outside my comfort zone. I'm not sure I would've chosen to road-trip at 34 weeks pregnant, but the sunshine and ocean were good for me. One day, JD dug a deep hole in the sand for my belly and I was able to nap on my stomach (oh, what a luxury!).

Life right now:

JD // Just finished his Organic Chemistry class. Pulled off a C+ (he needed at least a C).  So thankful it's over! Teaching tennis lessons two days/week. Loving the change of pace of working on a new floor at the hospital. Preparing to submit PA school applications (third time's the charm, right?!) Reminding Summer to take pre-natal vitamins and rub Bio-Oil on her belly. Cleaning all the screens for The Sunshine Space. Doing most of the kitchen chores (dishes, sweeping, mopping).

Summer// Trying to figure out how to manage t-shirt orders and inventory for the shop. Complaining about back pain on a regular basis. Making to-do lists for the next month before baby #2 arrives. Stressing about not being at brother's wedding in August. Preparing Sunday lesson to teach to women's group at church. Folding laundry. Trying to manage normal work schedule with an oversized, tired body. Feeling bittersweet about Tenley growing up.

Party of Four

It's been a long, exhausting journey to get to this exciting announcement: our family is growing! After a year and a half of trying to get pregnant and eventually some infertility treatment, it finally happened. The fact that our little one is due on our anniversary (August 14) doesn't seem like a coincidence to me. It feels like a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven, a reminder that He knows us, loves us, and wants us to trust His timing over our own. 

So, let's celebrate! JD, Tenley, and I will soon be a party of four!

Christmas Sunday

I was so excited for Christmas Sunday because I planned for Tenley to wear the same red velvet dress I wore as a little girl. My mom gave it to me shortly after she was born and it has waited in her closet for the perfect occasion. Tenley was so darling in the dress! As I was getting her ready, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic and emotional. I felt connected to my mom, and to her mom, and to all the moms that came before her, and to motherhood in general. What a fantastic journey, adventure, endeavor to engage in- motherhood. I am grateful.

Right now.

I am so anxious for the next big thing. For another baby. For JD to get into PA school. For our first house. It's hard for me to stay grounded. To be here. To love the stage we're in RIGHT NOW. 

It's a work in progress, but I am grateful for today. Today, we have a dishwasher (a luxury I was dreaming of just a few months ago). Today, we both have jobs we really enjoy. Today, we don't have the stress of going to school. Today, we made a really yummy dinner (homemade bread+pasta+broccoli). Today, we played with our spunky two-year-old at a trampoline warehouse. Today, we live close to family and get to see them weekly. Today, we filled our fridge with groceries. Today, we prayed together and Tenley repeated the words. Today is good. 

Birthday buddies.

Tenley and JD are birthday buddies. Ten turned two on Saturday (how?!) and today is JD's big day (he's 29). I remember being a little bummed when she was born that JD would always have to share his birthday week with her. . . but I got over that quickly because, I mean, how long can you stay bummed when you've got a sweet new baby? I digress. I tend to do that. Oh gosh. . . 

Now, I kind of like the idea of having their birthdays so close together because it allows me to really celebrate two of my biggest blessings. This birthday week provides a very obvious opportunity for me to reflect on and express gratitude for my family.

These two. They're a playful duo- always finding ways to add spontaneity, giggles, and light to my life. I'm grateful they let me in on the fun.

Tenley, lately.

Tenley is at the cutest stage right now. She's learning how to say words and picks up on so many everyday happenings going on around her. She love, love, loves giving hugs, squeezes, kisses, high-fives, and fist-bumps.  She keeps us entertained all the time and we're so glad to have her in our family!

Here's a few examples of the adorable things she's been doing and saying lately. . .

5 "Baby booty bump" Lessons

The last few weeks have been a little surreal. On Sunday April 27, I entered an Instagram dance-off for moms hosted by The Alison Show in hopes of winning a $250 gift card to The Land of Nod. I had two entries: (1) the original clip of me dancing and (2) an "outtake" clip of me dancing and knocking my daughter to the ground with my bum. The latter clip was hilariously accidental and just too funny not to share. On Monday April 28, I sheepishly posted it to Facebook knowing it would surely brighten a few peoples' days. The response was overwhelmingly positive and many people shared, liked, and laughed at the video. I posted it on YouTube that night and sent it to The Ellen Degeneres Show via her website. On Tuesday April 29, I woke up with 700 views on YouTube and thought: "That's crazy! So cool." By the time I went to bed, I had 14,890 hits and I thought: "How did that happen?!" In the first 24 hours, I was contacted by several agencies asking for the rights to the video, but I ended up partnering with Storyful. And, boy, am I glad I did! Over the next few days, SO MANY people e-mailed, called, and messaged me about use of the video and I just directed everyone to Storyful. It has been such a blessing to delegate all that stress and headache to them. By Thursday May 1, my "baby booty bump" video hit one million views and had been shared by countless news and radio stations across the country. It was all over the Internet and television: CNN, The Today Show, E! News, ESPN2, the iFunny app, AOL, Time. You name it: I was probably there. It was totally overwhelming and time-consuming to keep up with all the hype! On Wednesday May 7, I was in the audience of The Ellen Degeneres Show and had to pinch myself as I heard Ellen discuss the powerful "thrust to my daughter's face." On May 8, my little snippet aired on Ellen. As of today, May 13, the video has 2,350,583 views on YouTube. I still can't believe it.

I've learned a lot from having my video "go viral." Some things are personal and/or confidential, but here's what I want the world to know.

Big families

In the first few months after Tenley was born, I remember thinking to myself on multiple occasions, "I won't be able to do this when I have a toddler at my feet". . .and then, one day, panicking, I thought, "or when I have multiple children at my feet!" Gosh. Taking care of lots of little ones will definitely be a challenge!! Overwhelmed, I asked my mom: "How do you take care of a baby when you have to take care of your other kid(s)? Like, I feel like this is so hard and there's only one of her. I don't know if I'll ever be able to manage more children." And, wisely, she said,"You don't know what you're doing with one and you're figuring it out. You won't know what you're doing with two, but you'll figure it out." And I guess that's how mothering goes. . . you just kind of figure it out. 

I'm grateful for the journey. I'm grateful for the ups and downs of figuring stuff out. I'm grateful for the exhausting, not-so-glamorous, patience-trying, faith-testing, down and dirty moments of motherhood (and life, for that matter). I'm grateful for the things I learn from being a mom, a daughter, a sister. When all of my siblings were home together with my parents for Christmas, I remembered so clearly why I want a big family, why I'll stick it out through those trying moments of "figuring it out." More children means more laughter. More perspectives. More insight. More helping hands. More smiles. More support. More connections. More memories. 

It was so good to be all together again after Jake's two-year mission trip. Oh, I just love them so!

^^Supporting Morgie at a basketball game.^^

^^Christmas Eve at the Alamo.^^

^^Christmas Sabbath in our red Sunday best.^^

^^Being silly in the jerseys Jake brought home from Argentina.^^

The love of God

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I live my life and the way my choices affect me and those around me. I attended an incredible women's conference over the weekend- the theme was "You are not the only traveler." The speakers focused a lot on finding and knowing our personal ministries. They talked about how God uses us to influence members of our families and those in our social circles for good, how we need to be ready and prepared to serve as instruments in His hands, how He needs us to radiate His love to the lost ones in our midsts. I was moved by the Spirit and found peace about and guidance for many of the troubles and concerns that have been weighing on my heart lately.  A key point that stuck out in my mind, that I scribbled in my planner, that I've been mulling over for the past few days was this. . . No one can progress spiritually until they know this fundamental truth: God exists and knows them personally. 

Peace for the mothers.

On Saturday night, my family attended the holiday party hosted by my work at Utah's Hogle Zoo. We saw the Zoo Lights display and had the chance to visit with Santa and Mrs. Clause! Tenley wasn't too nervous sitting on his lap and only got the slightest hint of a worried look when we stepped back to get the picture. While we were waiting in line, we had the opportunity to write a note to Santa asking him for something special on our Christmas wish list. . . 

10 Things Right Now | Tenley

1. Tenley has recently started walking with her hands right out in front of her like a zombie. It's so silly, but appropriate for Halloween, I guess?

2. Speaking of "appropriate for Halloween," she finally has two teeth growing in. . . but they're her upper lateral incisors. . . so basically she's going to look like a baby vampire soon!

3. She got a few push toys for her birthday, but she prefers picking them up and carrying them over pushing them in front of her. I'm impressed all the time with how strong she is.

4. Her hair is long enough for ponies and piggies and I'm a little bit obsessed with doing her hair.

5. She's drinking whole milk now instead of formula and I'm flabbergasted by how fast that gallon of milk disappears (I suspect more than one whole-milk-drinking-culprit in my house. . . *insert accusatory eyes*)

6. Sometimes she swings her arms in front of her when she walks around the house, as if to say, "ho, hum, what should I do?"

7. She sat with the people in the row behind us at church on Sunday (for about half the meeting) because she kept reaching over and wanting to play with them. Luckily, JD knew them because the daughter was in one of his tennis classes this past summer. 

8. Tenley is crazy about phones. She seems to always figure out a way to sneak our phones from us and start pushing buttons. She does not like it when we try to take them back. JD and I feel a little guilty about her obsession because, the truth of the matter is, she must have learned it from somewhere!

9. She has done really well at all the football games we've been taking her to this season. She seems content to people watch and hang out with her 'rents.

10. Lately, she has been so cuddly when she's sleepy. It's the cutest thing ever and I can never get enough of her sweet baby smell. 

Keepsakes for baby.

Today is October 12th. The due date of my first baby was October 11th (10-11-12!) of last year. I remember this day a year ago: I was anxious. I was a bit frustrated. I felt HUGE. I was ready, but also grateful to have a few more days to myself. I had no idea what to expect. I was worried I wouldn't know when I was in labor. I had so much on my mind. . . 

It's crazy that my baby girl turns ONE next week. A whole year. As you can imagine, I've been a little nostalgic as her birthday approaches. I love thinking about and remembering our time together so far! It's so important to me to record her life. Of course, I'm a big fan of scrapbooking and journaling, but I like to document her story in other ways too. I thought I'd share three special keepsakes from her first year of life as part of her b-day celebration. 

Some thoughts on beauty.

My dearest Tenley,

I feel like the easiest platform to communicate my thoughts right now is in a letter intended for you. Of course, you can't read it right now. . . but I hope someday you will. 

When I was in high school, I knew a handful of girls who struggled with eating disorders and had other body image issues. My heart hurt for them as they battled with the defeating thoughts Satan planted in their minds. I, myself, sometimes went through phases when I had obsessive ideas of how to look skinny and pretty (in fact, I still go through those cycles sometimes!) 

Beach birthday for me!

There's not many places I'd rather be than on a beach. I love the warmth of the sun on my back, the sound of breaking waves, the smell of sunscreen and ocean, and the squishy wet sand between my toes. I think it's safe to say Tenley inherited some of those beach-lovin' genes ;) 

My Vote for Babies.

There are a lot of new parents in the recreation therapy department where I work. One co-worker had a baby about a month before me; another had her son the day after me; my male co-worker announced his wife was pregnant shortly after we did; I just finished covering for my boss while she was on maternity leave; and the PRN we just hired has a 14-month-old. Whew! Babies! Other people often joke "there must be something in our water." Needless to say, we spend a lot of time offering advice, sharing tips, and exchanging stories. It's definitely been nice to have this little support group as I've transitioned into motherhood. 

Sunshine and summertime.

Last night, we decided to kick off summer with our first trip to Seven Peaks, a local water park. It was hot and sunny and the water felt so good! Our Tenley bug wasn't a big fan of being dipped in the water, but sure enjoyed lounging on our laps as we floated the lazy river. And, oh! what a peaceful rush it is to have a baby lay calmly on your chest in the sunshine. Be still my mother heart. 

JD and I took our neighbor to this park a few summers ago and talked about how fun it would be to bring our own little munchkin one day. We still can't get over the reality of this darling little girl being ours. We are grateful every day to have her in our family.

Bring on the sunshine and summertime! We are ready.

Park baby.

Our girl is growing too fast! 

It's crazy how she can seem so big to us, but still be so little at the same time 

(she's in the 9th percentile for weight and 15th for height). 

Last week we took Tenley to the park for the first time. 

Cutest. Baby. Ever.

The cutest baby ever (and I mean ever!) turned six months old this week. Tenley can do so many things now. . . sit up, army crawl, reach for toys, play peek-a-boo, laugh at funny faces, throw major hissy fits, hold a bottle by herself, copy sounds we make, suck her thumb (much to our dismay!), and capture just about anyone's heart. If you want to indulge in her almost-unbearable-cuteness with me, I'll let you have a peek at her six-month photo shoot. . .