Dealing With Graves Disease

 

Today I am looking at how Graves disease have affected me thus far and reactions I have experienced. I’m looking at a before and after in terms of how I was before compared to now.

Physically there has been a big change. I lost most of my physical strength and became physically weaker. This brought up many points in relation to the idea and belief of strength and weakness – read here on support for that:

What is Strength Really?

Before my thyroid went into hyper drive I was working daily with the physical doing various tasks and managing the farm. Now I am unable to do so which made me feel useless and unhelpful. I felt useless, because I was physically unable to so. For support on uselessness have read over here:

Uselessness

I went from being very busy to not busy and judged myself, because I was unable to do all the things I used to do and had to depend on others to assist and support me. This brought some reactions within me and being very stubborn to ask for help when I needed it. For support on this read over here:

Ask and you shall receive - Or Be silent and suffer

Within my physical activities around the farm I felt useful. I valued it and saw the wroth it in. With getting graves disease and unable to participate with the physical activities that value and worth went away within me. What I did not realize at the time was that I linked value and worth as a point outside myself - as something I do instead of who I am. I missing self-worth and self-value. Here is support on self worth and self value:

Self-Value and Self-Worth and Repetitive Failure

Self Worth and Self Development

 

I experienced myself as being stuck since I got diagnosed With me unable to do the things I used to and having to learn to do new things. It felt as if I was not good enough and lacked the power move through this disease. I allowed myself to fall on this point and essentially gave up on myself which resulted in me not moving effectively. Here follows support if you are dealing with the same thing:

Being stuck

It is interesting to see how many points a disease can bring up and tell you about yourself and who you are. This is still a on going process and more points reveal themselves and open up.

Day 102 - There's never enough Time

 

Worrying about Time. Living my life around Time. Time dictates what i do and who i am.

I have found more points regarding being anxious all the time - Time

I am constantly worrying about Time - never having enough of it. I worry about the future and what might happen . I worry about the time that has already passed and i cannot have it back. I worry so much about time that  I never here in the moment, but always in the future or the past.

It is a known fact that stress causes physical harm to the body - it affects the body although its only a feeling. The same goes with sadness, anger rage and other emotions. Anxiety also affects the body - it gets the heart racing among other things. For me it came with me not being able to have a decent crap anymore.

the past 5 months I have daily been constipated, diarrhea, abdominal pain, bloated and very gassy. I never thought you can be constipated and have diarrhea in the same day but there you go.

The symptoms are exactly those of having IBS - irritable bowl syndrome. Here is  extracts from this site:

IBS, this disorder is characterized by abdominal pain, cramping, bloating, gas, constipation, and diarrhea

Approximately one in five adults in the United States has IBS

There is no known specific cause

 research has found that 50 to 90 percent have a psychiatric disorder such as an anxiety disorder

There is also no cure for IBS - only ways to relieve the symptoms

 

For me I am absolutely certain that anxiety and fear is what is causing my symptoms - so it will make sense to get rid of the anxiety so will the symptoms - we will see. On many sites some ways of treating IBS symptoms is medication to lessen the anxiety - this is suppressing it, not getting rid of it.

The first question is who created the anxiety within me? I did. Sure something outside myself triggers it - but I am creating the feeling - I am allowing an event to make me feel anxious. Most people believe they do not have a choice in how they experience themselves, but the truth is you choose to experience yourself a certain way. Its a Choice made. Change the choice, Change the experience.

Time - I have realized that I only have two hands and 24 hours a day do to things. There in no way for me to get more time. I actually have less time, because I am wasting it on worrying. So there is no point in worrying. its a waste of time.

More on this tomorrow.

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Within walking this process I learned that there is a BIG difference between saying and doing.
About a year ago I was taking on stopping smoking. I told myself that I am going to stop, but everyday i found some excuse not to stop and ended up smoking. I started to see that what i was doing was not keeping to my word.

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And this can be done with other addictions.
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