Showing posts with label graves disease. Show all posts
Showing posts with label graves disease. Show all posts

Saturday, 28 February 2015

Day 276: To Give up OR Give up on Giving up?

 

 

images For the past few months my thyroid has been functioning normal. The cool thing is that it was functioning normal without me being on medication, so it was actually back to normal. It was a relief to me, because I could finally put it behind me. My Doctor did say it is something that I will have to monitor for the rest of my life – and when he said that, I create a slight undertone of worry within myself.

Now the whole process of my thyroid malfunctioning was not a very pleasant experience and it’s something I would not want to go through again, so knowing it could malfunction again I created That fear and worry in the back of my mind.

So about 2 or 3 months ago I started experiencing familiar experiences – like increased tiredness no matter how much sleep I get and general exhaustion even though I have no reason to feel this. My throat also became a bit sore, and all of this is basically the same symptoms I experienced last time. Basically it all pointed to my thyroid starting to malfunction again. The blood tests did show the levels were not correct and my thyroid was going hyper again.

This brought with it a bit of me feeling sorry for myself. I knew what to expect - the progression of symptoms – and really did not want this. There was a moment of self-pity as I looked at the road ahead of me and thought to myself it would be easier to simply give in to all these emotions coming up.

I looked at the process walked thus far and all the points I faced and saw that yes , it’s going to be crappy and yes, it’s not something I prefer doing, but that is not going to stop me from walking this point again. I did it before and thus proven to myself that I am able to walk this point. Within that I trusted I am able to do this. So I know that my thyroid might go hyper again – but it’s not something to be feared or be worried about.

When we are faced with difficulties in life there is not much we can do about the physical reality of the events, but we do have a choice how we will react to it. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves and be overwhelmed and believe that we lack the strength to make it through and simply give up – or we can stop those thoughts and emotions and feelings that make us want to give up and then push through and face the point head on. It’s your life.

Saturday, 25 May 2013

Dealing With Graves Disease

 

Today I am looking at how Graves disease have affected me thus far and reactions I have experienced. I’m looking at a before and after in terms of how I was before compared to now.

Physically there has been a big change. I lost most of my physical strength and became physically weaker. This brought up many points in relation to the idea and belief of strength and weakness – read here on support for that:

What is Strength Really?

Before my thyroid went into hyper drive I was working daily with the physical doing various tasks and managing the farm. Now I am unable to do so which made me feel useless and unhelpful. I felt useless, because I was physically unable to so. For support on uselessness have read over here:

Uselessness

I went from being very busy to not busy and judged myself, because I was unable to do all the things I used to do and had to depend on others to assist and support me. This brought some reactions within me and being very stubborn to ask for help when I needed it. For support on this read over here:

Ask and you shall receive - Or Be silent and suffer

Within my physical activities around the farm I felt useful. I valued it and saw the wroth it in. With getting graves disease and unable to participate with the physical activities that value and worth went away within me. What I did not realize at the time was that I linked value and worth as a point outside myself - as something I do instead of who I am. I missing self-worth and self-value. Here is support on self worth and self value:

Self-Value and Self-Worth and Repetitive Failure
Self Worth and Self Development

 

I experienced myself as being stuck since I got diagnosed With me unable to do the things I used to and having to learn to do new things. It felt as if I was not good enough and lacked the power move through this disease. I allowed myself to fall on this point and essentially gave up on myself which resulted in me not moving effectively. Here follows support if you are dealing with the same thing:

Being stuck

It is interesting to see how many points a disease can bring up and tell you about yourself and who you are. This is still a on going process and more points reveal themselves and open up.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

Day 149 - Feeling Constantly, Gravely Tired

 

When the hyperthyroidism effects started showing – a side-effect thereof was tiredness. At that time,  I was not yet aware of having Hyperthyroidism. However, because I was in this Internal Mind-Battle against my fear of failure/failing and I was pushing and pushing and pushing myself to not fail but remain disciplined, I connected the tiredness my physical body was experiencing, and tiredness in-itself to my internal battle. Because throughout my life, whenever I was tired – I would usually have used it to justify me more giving into the tiredness and not tend to responsibilities/tasks which contributed to me becoming and accepting and allowing my Laziness. And then when I started deciding to discipline myself more – I changed my definition to tiredness in using it to motivate me to push myself more, so every time I would get tired – it would activate me to become more disciplined. However, this time – the tiredness was “real” in terms of it actually being a side-effect of the hyperthyroidism. But, because I within and throughout my life – connected tiredness to mind definitions and polarities, and so never in fact had a relationship with my actual physical body, I THOUGHT in my Mind the tiredness was me not being effective enough in my inner-battle between laziness and discipline. And so here is an interesting point, regarding how much or how little we in fact KNOW our own physical bodies with the extent to which we participate and exist in the MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I started feeling tired all the time, to believe that I am doing something wrong based on the mind-relationship I created towards tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as not being effective anymore - because no matter what i did I could not stop the tiredness I was feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the tiredness - because I believed it was something out of my control - that I could do nothing about it - and that it is something more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of me being tired all the time and that it is something that I should hide from others, because I accepted and allowed myself to in my mind define/judge tiredness as ‘weak’ so that I could empower my opposite experience as being ‘strong’. So, what I would do is judge tiredness as weak – but that part of me that judged tiredness as weak, was my Ego using tiredness as weakness so that in/as my Ego it could make itself ‘strong’ with not going into tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will judge me, because of me being tired all the time and thus i must act tough as though i am not tired even though i was

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask for assistance from anyone, but to instead try get through this all by myself and this struggle unnecessarily just because i feared being judged and losing the self image I had of myself being a strong leader and believed that me being tired all the time is a sign of weakness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my internal battle of constantly fighting with myself and all the reactions and backchats eventually placed too much stress on my body, because I did not direct it effectively and so contributed even MORE to what the physical body was going through in terms of the hyperthyroidism that I didn’t realize at that stage was manifesting, because I was too busy in my Mind

I commit myself to stop judging myself when I struggle with something and i commit myself to ask for assistance when I do my best at something and still struggle so that I do not struggle unnecessarily as I see, realize and understand that one cannot walk through life alone, and asking for assistance and support when I know that I have done everything I could and still can’t stand within a point – is not a sign of weakness, but the simple common sense of the fact that I do NOT KNOW everything, and only Ego would believe so and asking for assistance and support would in fact strengthen me and so another, as I would actually then LEARN from others and others would learn from me and so we grow/expand/develop through assisting and supporting ourselves and each other

I commit myself to stop the belief that being tired is a sign of weakness, being ‘tired’ is a physical experience in the sense that – when/as one do not have enough sleep or overwork the body, that is practical-reality physical tiredness, based on actual reality correlations / experiences. And so, I commit myself to assist and support me to always cross-reference reality with the physical body – for example, if/as I have not over an extended period of time overworked the body / slept too little and the tiredness persist and I can find no practical reality relationship that caused the tiredness: to immediately ask / consult a medical practitioner.

I commit myself to stop the fear of others judging me and realize that what i am going through is my process and ultimately is not their judgement that i fear - it is me judging myself.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Day 147 - I Have Graves Disease

 

I did the blood test and went to the doctor for my 6 weekly checkup to see how my body is responding to the medicine and my thyroid. The results came in and showed that the hormone levels are stabilizing, but not yet to where we want it. It also confirmed the cause of my hyperthyroidism - Graves Disease.

So we discussed the next step and goals for the future anburyicon d what options i have. The options I have are taking RadioactiveIodine pills. The thyroid is the only organ than absorbs iodine so with the pills being radioactive it kills part of the thyroid. The risks here are that it could completely kill my thyroid and  i would have to be on thyroid pills for the rest of my life - not an option i would want to take.

Another option is surgery - removing the poor thing. Taking out the thyroid/part of it. it leaves you with a sexy scar on your neck and may cause your voice to become hoarse and also has the risk of needing thyroid medication for the rest of your life.

The last option and my personal favorite is continue the medication I have that blocks the thyroid. Initially i had to take quite allot of pills, but now I can take allot less. This continues for 6 weeks then i do another blood test to check what my thyroid is doing and from there adjust the medication until we find a balance. Then after a year or two I go off it and see if my body stopped attacking my thyroid.

Graves Disease is an autoimmune disease where the body starts attacking/fighting itself in this case the thyroid. This causes the thyroid to start overproducing and become overactive. As to why the body suddenly decides to see the thyroid as a threat the medical industry does not know - it happens. I was disappointed and a bit 'gatvol' when i heard the news, but i was not surprised. I have always been unlucky - on the farm there actually a name for it '' the curse of the fidelis''. But instead of being sensitive about this ill am sensible. The results I got means I am improving and that I am getting somewhere. I feel allot better physically than I did 6 weeks ago and im not a skeleton anymore. I also got some of my strength back - I carried a 30 kg bag all by myself, although it felt like I was carrying a 50kg cement bag.

So there the update on what is currently happening in my life and the possible future that lays before me. What i find interesting is that we chose to write about me always fighting myself - lol - and today I hear my body is fighting itself, because of Graves disease.