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Friday, 30 October 2015
Day 325: Is Thinking the big cause of our inner pain?
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Tuesday, 15 September 2015
Day 308 -What Sets you Off?
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Ever had that single event that set you off? And then afterwards you asked yourself where all that anger and rage came from? Or even that one moment that where you became overwhelmed by stress? How does all that happen?
Saturday, 12 September 2015
Day 306 - The Power Of Silence
Friday, 26 June 2015
Day 295: Day How Self-Judgement Of Singing Limits Your Life
My whole life since playing music I always saw myself as unable to sing or rather not very good at it, even though I really liked singing. What I did do is only sing when I am alone by myself where I am the only one who can hear, but I never had the confidence to sing in front of others.
There comes a point in your life where you simply need to say" F**k it! I'm singing and don'’t care who listens". Recently I started working on some cover songs to practice my voice and since really pushing and practicing I have found that I became better at singing to a point where I can say that I am able to sing. So all I needed to do was to practice singing to become better at it. Now, I have been a musician for many years and it never occurred to me that I can actually sing – why is that?
The reason is simple, I carried a self-judgment about my voice and that belief of me not being able to sing is what kept me from developing my singing voice. It is like picking up a guitar for the first time and trying to play it – you are going to be bad at it, It will be silly to then judge yourself as being a bad player that will never be good at playing guitar. It takes dedication and practice to become good at any instrument and your Voice is simply another instrument.
That is something I missed – that my voice is simply another instrument and that I never took the time to practice and develop it to become better at singing. Instead I Judged myself as being bad at it the first time I tried. And thus I allowed a simple self-judgment to keep me from doing something I really like doing.
There so many points within ourselves that we judge. We carry so many self-judgments that are limiting us and keeping us from expanding ourselves. How many self-judgments do you have? Here was an example of one simple self-judgment that affected me for many years so imagine what all your self-judgments are doing to your life. Time to stop them and give them up and Live!
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Tuesday, 21 April 2015
Day 282: Your Journey to Self-Empowerment:
I’m pretty sure if you are asked if you would like to empower yourself the answer will be a very definite YES! I mean, who would not want self-empowerment? The funny thing is though that we tend to not realize what Self-empowerment means, we do not understand the most important part of this which is not the “empowerment”, but the SELF.
For me I would say that empowering yourself is probably one of the most difficult things you will face, because empowering yourself means changing yourself. It’s not like you will have somebody else doing it for you – it’s going against who you think you are and what you believe you can and cannot do. It’s a tough road, but when you get to the other side it is well worth it.
One example I can give is that many years ago I was the very definition of the word lazy. With anything that remotely resembles work was met with a large amount of reluctance from me. I disliked work and always whenever possible did the bare minimum to get the task done. This all changed when I started this process of self-empowerment and self-discovery.
For those who were or are lucky enough to live on a farm will know one thing – There is always allot of work to be done. So when we first got the farm we started with the planning. Fences needed to be replaced, trees needed to be planted, horse grazing areas needed to be prepared so it’s safe etc. So as we were planning the usual resistance I faced when seeing work to be done grew as per usual. I really did not want to do it lol. Not just that – I had no idea how to do the stuff, I have never done it before so I was clueless on how to do this.
At that point I faced a choice – do what I usually do and give in to the resistance and stay the same lazy person as I always have been, or make the choice to change myself and not allow my reluctance and resistance to work direct me. And I simply made chose the latter.
That was the easy part – even though it took me most of my life to get to that choice. What I found is that it’s an everyday commitment I make to myself. Change happened over time, its take patience and dedication and consistency. The more I pushed through the resistance to ‘work’ and instead did what needed to be done it became easier over time.
Sure at times I really did not feel like it, but that is where decline comes in and the understanding of the importance of what I was doing. In the end it became like an understanding. I understood the need for what I was doing. For example replacing old rusted barbed wired fencing with new animal safe fencing. It eventually did not even become “work”, but more something that needed to be done and so I did it.
This Journey is not easy, but if I back then did not make the choice to change I would have probably still be the same lazy person as I have always been going through life a slave to my resistance, instead I chose to empower myself.
Thanks for reading
Monday, 9 February 2015
Movie ‘The Giver’ - What does it show about ME?
Where shall I start? At the beginning. The reason behind the memory wipe the community decided on was because they saw that Humans were destructive. The only way to ensure survival was to take away the things that caused humans to be destructive: Emotions and free will and making everything the same.
That is part of the big problem we humans face and those 2 things play a major role in why the world is so screwed up currently. Free will and emotions actually work together – The things we do and decide upon are largely based on emotions. We follow what we feel and are directed by our emotions, so in the movie they take daily medications to suppress emotions.
Now, the concept behind the new way of life the people in the movie are living is actually quite cool, BUT it’s all based on the assumption that the only way for humans to live together in peace is to block all emotions, take away everything that represent diversity and live in “Sameness”. Essentially removing anything that could possibly trigger all the bad stuff humans are made of.
The thing is that it’s not our emotions or freewill or diversity that makes us do all the bad stuff we do like fighting, greed, spite and jealousy. Sure, removing that stuff like they did in the movie might stop it for a while, but the problem is that it’s only suppressed. It’s still existent inside the people in the movie, it’s just suppressed.
The key here is to realize exactly what the problem is: You and I. Each of us has accepted greed and anger and all those things as part of who we are – we accepted this to be “Human Nature”. We are allowing ourselves to be directed by our emotions and that determines our whole existence. And that is the real problem. We do not really have freewill when our decisions are based on our emotions. The problem is also the solution.
By understanding and seeing that we do not have to accept this as part of our nature – or more that we as humans have the capacity and power to change our accepted nature. We can remove the triggers within ourselves – all the things that makes us not able to live on this planet in peace. We can End Wars, End Poverty, End Famine, End Abuse – We have that power within us. The power to Change.
Saturday, 27 September 2014
Day 238: Self Discipline - Where did it go?
A very important part of this process is Self-discipline – Without it self-change is nearly impossible. Without self-discipline you will always give into any resistance you feel and thus you never actually change.
It’s a hard thing to change yourself. With every change there will be resistance. With every task that you do not “feel like” doing there will be resistance. This is why self-discipline is necessary, because whenever there is something you should be doing, but do not feel like doing, without some level of discipline you will always give into the resistance. There will always be the one thought that will justify your choice not to do the task.
Unfortunately that is how this works. I can take myself as an example here. When I first started working with my hands around the farm I had big resistance towards it. Eventually I realized the importance of why this particular tasks needs to be done and so I did it regardless of how I felt about it. So what I basically did was pushed through resistance I felt and simply did the task. I did the task with the understanding that it needed to be done. Through the years of working with my hands I developed self-discipline and found it supported me in that regard.
Now it’s been a long time since my primary focus was working with my hands. Since my thyroid went haywire I was unable to do anything physical so I had to refocus my attention and time towards other things and this made me realize something new about self-discipline.
Once you have Self-discipline it is something you have to apply consistently in your daily life. It does not magically take away the resistance when you do something you do not like doing. The resistance still comes up, but then applying discipline you push through it and do the task no matter how you feel about it or what thoughts seems valid enough to keep you from doing it. When you decide to allow that one thought that will keep you from doing the tasks at hand (or in other words give into the resistance) then you don’t have that discipline anymore.
As you work through resistance you start to see just how far you will go to give into the resistance. All kinds of thoughts comes up: ‘’I’ll do it later” ,“ I had a long day”,” I’m tired”, “ I need a break and time for myself”, “ I do not have time for this” etc. That last one is a big one, because 99% of the time you do actually have time for it, but would rather use the time do something you like.
I used allot of excuses before not to do something. And today I had a look at the point of blogging, really went deep to try and find an actual valid answer to why I am not blogging more regularly? Sure, there were reasons, but none of which could truly justify it. There comes a time in life where all that’s left to do is to say: “Screw IT! I’m doing this!! Right now!!!” and then do the thing until it’s done. And my time is right now. I know I have been absent in the “bloggersphere”, that changes now.
IF there are others who are facing the same issue – where you have a big resistance towards something you should be doing – look at the reasons and thoughts. Really look deep and see for yourself that none are valid and that there is actually time. It’s time to simply say: Till here no further, Screw the resistance. I’m doing this. Right now.
Monday, 27 January 2014
Day 208 - Long Forgotten Gods that Decide ALL Life
One of the main definitions of a God is having power. Most hold the power of life and death depending on your religion, but no matter what your religion a God never actually affects anything since it is only a belief and the effects are self-created. There are however Gods That give life to every living thing on earth on a daily bases even if you do not praise them. Should they decide to stop providing life for all then All living things would actually die. That is the power of these long forgotten gods.
We all see them almost every day and we all breathe in this gift of life, but we do not realize the value and have taken these Gods for granted: Trees
Yes, trees - Trees and shrubs and plants. Every day they provide us with air to breathe and they do this unconditionally. There is no “ believe in me or burn in hell for eternity” - they simply provide us with life. Every breath you take is a gift from the trees, yet we pay them no attention whatsoever -A tree is just a tree. Instead we destroy massive portions of forests. We cut down trees and shrubs in our gardens, because they are not pretty or in the way. And not once do sit back and realize the real value of these trees.
Every tree is a living being. This being grows and give us air to breathe and we repay this by killing them and disregarding them. We should be falling to our knees and beg forgiveness for our stupidity of taking the trees for granted.
So next time you see a tree – see it for what it really is. Realize that this tree provides you with air to breathe and that every breath is a gift of life. To appreciate the value of oxygen hold your breath. We are not even aware of breathing – it has become an automated thing. Be grateful for this being and what it does and have some respect.
Friday, 5 July 2013
Day 187 - Not being Good with people - The Silent Type...
Today I ran into somebody and said hello and the usual greetings. I notice that I am always uncomfortable in these situations and usually simply smile and find ways to end the conversation. I have always been “the silent type” and was never really good at meeting new people. I have defined myself as being the strong silent type and told myself it’s a “lifestyle choice”. That is a very nice way to hide from the fact that I am not good with people, because I never really worked on this point or developed the skills in order to be effective with people.
What happens then is that when I run into somebody I know the uncomfortable feeling I have is not knowing how to handle myself in this particular situation. I see other people being al relaxed and genuine when in the same situation, like it is natural and then I would judge myself for not being so natural and ask myself why I cannot do this. The answer is simple – I never taught myself how. I have the tools to do this and it is time to start.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable when running into someone I know
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate the reason why I am uncomfortable and to simply accept it as a part of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being the silent type – not realizing that I did this, because I was not good/effective with people.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work on becoming good/effective with people and push through to make it happen.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the uncomfortable feeling I have is because of thoughts and feelings and the belief that I have created that I am not good with people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I meet/greet people to allow thoughts and feelings to direct me and then want to end the conversation based on that instead of not allowing myself to be direct and to direct myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even before I go to the person to meet/greet them create anxiety within myself, because I am already thinking about how I am going to do this and remember that I am not good with people.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop the thoughts and feelings and not to participate in the moment with the mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe and be here in the moment focusing on what I am doing right now when I meet people – within this I realize that doing this removes all that unnecessary bullcrap that complicate things from the equation and give me the opportunity to actually participate within what I am doing.
I commit myself to stop defining myself as being the silent type and not good with people – instead I push myself to practice and develop a natural expression in order to be effective with people.
I commit myself to stop participating in thoughts and feelings and beliefs when I meet/greet people that I define as being uncomfortable – Instead I breathe and be here in the moment focusing on what I am doing
I commit myself to stop wanting to end conversations based on how I feel at the moment – Instead I Direct myself and don’t allow feelings and thoughts to direct me
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Day 172 - Its YOUR fault!
Ever had that moment when somebody made you angry? Or somebody that really irritated you. For example when somebody says or does something and then you react and become all angry and attack the person verbally.
Within this it is always the other person fault for making you angry. They are the one to blame for making you react - or is it?
Let us break it down step by step and see how this process of reacting unfolds:
You are in a conversation with friends talking about random things. Then a friend comments about your clothes saying it looks funny. You take it personally and react by getting really angry and voice something to act out on the anger you feel. Lets say you are very particular about what you wear and pick out your clothes with specificity - now here is somebody saying your clothes look funny which contradicts your idea of how you clothes look. You perceive it as the friend insulting who you are since you picked out the clothes and thus start to defend yourself by attacking the friend verbally. Within all this you blame the friend for making you angry.
Notice here that you were the one who took it personally. You are the one you reacted. The friend did not make you do anything you did not choose to - he simply said something based on his perception and ideas about clothes and you chose to take it personally and react. Another person cannot 'make' you angry. Where is the anger? Did the other person magically transfer anger into you? No. The anger is within you - you created the anger.
Within this it is clear that you were the one responsible for creating the anger you felt. You alone were responsible for taking what was said personally and reacted on it. We cannot blame others for how we feel inside, because we create it.
This can be applied for any reaction you feel within you where you believe its the other persons fault - were you blame others for how you feel. No one can make you react unless you allow it. there is a choice within all this. So next time when you believe somebody insulted you look inward. Look at why there is a reaction within you. For more info on this particular subject of not taking things personally and not to be controlled by what others say go to Desteni. If you want a detailed free course that shows you how to stand strong and stop feeling powerless towards other peoples reactions have a look over here: Desteni I process lite
Saturday, 25 May 2013
Dealing With Graves Disease
Today I am looking at how Graves disease have affected me thus far and reactions I have experienced. I’m looking at a before and after in terms of how I was before compared to now.
Physically there has been a big change. I lost most of my physical strength and became physically weaker. This brought up many points in relation to the idea and belief of strength and weakness – read here on support for that:
What is Strength Really?
Before my thyroid went into hyper drive I was working daily with the physical doing various tasks and managing the farm. Now I am unable to do so which made me feel useless and unhelpful. I felt useless, because I was physically unable to so. For support on uselessness have read over here:
Uselessness
I went from being very busy to not busy and judged myself, because I was unable to do all the things I used to do and had to depend on others to assist and support me. This brought some reactions within me and being very stubborn to ask for help when I needed it. For support on this read over here:
Ask and you shall receive - Or Be silent and suffer
Within my physical activities around the farm I felt useful. I valued it and saw the wroth it in. With getting graves disease and unable to participate with the physical activities that value and worth went away within me. What I did not realize at the time was that I linked value and worth as a point outside myself - as something I do instead of who I am. I missing self-worth and self-value. Here is support on self worth and self value:
Self-Value and Self-Worth and Repetitive Failure
Self Worth and Self Development
I experienced myself as being stuck since I got diagnosed With me unable to do the things I used to and having to learn to do new things. It felt as if I was not good enough and lacked the power move through this disease. I allowed myself to fall on this point and essentially gave up on myself which resulted in me not moving effectively. Here follows support if you are dealing with the same thing:
Being stuck
It is interesting to see how many points a disease can bring up and tell you about yourself and who you are. This is still a on going process and more points reveal themselves and open up.
Thursday, 18 April 2013
What is Strength Really?
Strength and Weakness - Here I am going to look at the definitions of the words strength and weakness, how I defined the words in the past and how I redefined them for myself now
Here I will start with how I looked at strength/weakness in school:
In school, strength and weakness played a role. In sports you want to be strong to be a good player - make the team to show your friends and the girls how strong you are. If you don't make the team, you are weak. I was never a sports fan and neither were my friends. I was a surfer and skateboarder and we used to make fun of the ''jocks'' taking sports so seriously, but most of these jocks were friends as well.
Strength was ego. Strength was muscles. Strength was not crying. Bullies showed their strength by picking on the weak. Strength was competition to always be better than others. Strength was being a rebel and breaking the rules. Weakness was being beaten by bullies. Weakness was being the silent type. Weakness was being the weirdo, the geek, the loser, the ugly and the guy who never managed to get a girl. Weakness was not ''going with the flow'' and not doing what everybody else was doing. Weakness was being smart. Strength was good - Weakness was bad.
I was neither strong or weak in school, but could see how important it was in terms of being accepted or rejected. To sum it up - Strength and weakness had a lot to do with outer appearances and how you ''acted'' /behaved and interacted within your social environment. So, strength and weakness did not only go to physical appearance/muscle, but also extending to personality/characteristics/behavior and one’s position/place within the social networks/environments.
Now, here are some relationships between strength and weakness when having a look at human nature:
Now let’s look at it from a global scale. Strength Is Military - countries flexing their military muscles, physically and through machinery/systems/weapons to show they are better - competition. Just like in school where strength is muscles and the machinery/artillery/weapons are what characteristics/personality traits/behaviors can be used to ‘show off’ ‘strength’ on a ‘mental level’. Thus participating in this idea we accept and allow war to exist even within ourselves, in our ‘small worlds’, from childhood. For example: Weakness is seen to be 3rd World Countries along with the poor. We accept and allow poverty to exist, because we would rather flex military muscle / money and not risk our economy - than aiding the poor to eradicate poverty - otherwise we risk being equal, where strength and weakness does not exist: As in, “I can’t be strong unless others are weak, so therefore – I will keep the weak in their place, so that I can remain in my definition of strong”. Like in school where you would rather beat and pick on the "weaklings" instead of assisting and supporting them, and by doing this in the ‘small worlds’ - you accept and allow it to exist in the ‘big world’ where the strong prey on the weak, where the rich prey on the poor, and so we in the small and the big accept and allow the consequence of the polarity of strength and weakness, of poverty and the rich. Because, for the ‘strong to exist’, the ‘weak must exist’ – and so therefore, we will not change because of that definition of who we are in/as the illusion, idea, perception and belief of what it means to be ‘strong’. So, as children – we ‘prey’ on the weak, as grown-ups – we ‘prey’ on the weak; it’s an inherent accepted and allowed nature within us humans, where you’re stuck in either the strong/weak polarity and/or on the ‘outside’, mentally, physically or because of your life/living conditions. Why are we individually and collectively accepting and allowing such a polarity to exist within us? Why have we not considered equality, assistance, support?
Fast forward a few years with me starting with the Desteni process and me being on the farm. Everything I have learnt about strength and weakness throughout my life was not real - it is all just an act - a means to fit in and a means of survival to always be the best. ''The Strong will prosper and the weak will perish'' - so we beat on the weak so that we look stronger and better.
Strength - what is it really? Here is how I see strength now:
Strength is me - I am strength. It is not something outside myself like muscles or acting - It is who I am as a presence, as a ‘way of being/living’. In this, this self-strength is not defined by/through being attached to a polarity of weak/weakness, meaning there isn’t something/someone in my outside world that I use/abuse to make me feel strong/superior. Strength is/should be a living expression, a stand of character, a stability of presence. Meaning, it is a form of stability and self-trust that no matter what you face in life there is a knowing and certainty that you are able to walk through it. Strength is being consistent. Strength is walking through resistance you experience inside yourself and push through and always be self-directed. Strength is to not accept and allow your actions and who you are to harm another being. Strength is to become the change you want to see in this world.
Weakness Is a gift - whenever I fall on a point it is not a point of judgement saying I'm too weak for this'', but rather it shows where I am not yet effective. My own personal Life Trainer/Buddy that reveals where I require some direction.
I will continue in the next post expanding more on strength to give some practical examples of how I have come to redefine strength for me
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
Day 147 - I Have Graves Disease
I did the blood test and went to the doctor for my 6 weekly checkup to see how my body is responding to the medicine and my thyroid. The results came in and showed that the hormone levels are stabilizing, but not yet to where we want it. It also confirmed the cause of my hyperthyroidism - Graves Disease.
So we discussed the next step and goals for the future an d what options i have. The options I have are taking RadioactiveIodine pills. The thyroid is the only organ than absorbs iodine so with the pills being radioactive it kills part of the thyroid. The risks here are that it could completely kill my thyroid and i would have to be on thyroid pills for the rest of my life - not an option i would want to take.
Another option is surgery - removing the poor thing. Taking out the thyroid/part of it. it leaves you with a sexy scar on your neck and may cause your voice to become hoarse and also has the risk of needing thyroid medication for the rest of your life.
The last option and my personal favorite is continue the medication I have that blocks the thyroid. Initially i had to take quite allot of pills, but now I can take allot less. This continues for 6 weeks then i do another blood test to check what my thyroid is doing and from there adjust the medication until we find a balance. Then after a year or two I go off it and see if my body stopped attacking my thyroid.
Graves Disease is an autoimmune disease where the body starts attacking/fighting itself in this case the thyroid. This causes the thyroid to start overproducing and become overactive. As to why the body suddenly decides to see the thyroid as a threat the medical industry does not know - it happens. I was disappointed and a bit 'gatvol' when i heard the news, but i was not surprised. I have always been unlucky - on the farm there actually a name for it '' the curse of the fidelis''. But instead of being sensitive about this ill am sensible. The results I got means I am improving and that I am getting somewhere. I feel allot better physically than I did 6 weeks ago and im not a skeleton anymore. I also got some of my strength back - I carried a 30 kg bag all by myself, although it felt like I was carrying a 50kg cement bag.
So there the update on what is currently happening in my life and the possible future that lays before me. What i find interesting is that we chose to write about me always fighting myself - lol - and today I hear my body is fighting itself, because of Graves disease.
Friday, 8 March 2013
Day 145 - Sensitivity to Sensibility
I am a sensitive person. Being a sensitive personality and character is what i have accepted myself to be. I am sensitive to pain - small things like scratches and especially pimple squeezing is quite painful for me. You can say i have low pain threshold. Interestingly when it comes to big pains like going fast downhill on a skateboard and loosing balance falling off and rolling and skidding on a tar road getting some serious road rash - I can handle.
I’ have also been sensitive to emotions and feeling my whole life - I easily got affected. Also with conflict situations, because i was so sensitive towards it I would avoid it because I could not handle it.
This is a accepted behavior that I have made part of my life, but if I am allowing myself to be easily affected my situations and directed by it then I am not the directive principle in my life. I must be able to stand in every and all situations and not be affected or afflicted or directed by it. I must be the directive principle and not be sensitive, but be sensible. Sensitivity to sensibility.
I am not talking about being a ''macho man'' or masculinity. I am talking Facing any and all points that come my way. Not giving into fear, but facing it head on no matter what. Real Strength is standing no matter what. And that is a difficult concept, because we get easily side tracked. It requires going against your own beliefs and perceptions and idea of yourself. It is so much easier to belief that I lack the power to do this - that I am not strong enough. But i am the one who created that idea of myself in the first place.
Sensitivity to sensibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a sensitive person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself and participate in the sensitive character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so easily be affected by situations and not be able to handle myself well
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid conflict situations, because I believe myself to be too sensitive to handle it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea and belief that I am a sensitive person and thus be directed by emotions and feelings and situations and thus not able to stand strong
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I lack the power and strength to stand in any and all situations not realizing that i am the one who created this belief despite everything that i have overcome thus far that proves i have the strength
I commit myself to stop being sensitive, instead I go from sensitivity to sensibility
I commit myself to stop the belief that I lack the strength and power to stand no matter what. instead i realize that I had the power all along and the proof is in all the times i did stand and overcame situations I thought never possible.
I commit myself to realize that although there are new challenges that come my way that may seem like it is bigger and tougher and too much for me to handle - they are not. I stand and breathe through trusting that I am able and have the strength to move past it - this can only make me stronger.
I commit myself to stop being so ''thin skinned'', but instead give myself the skin of a rhino to be able to handle any situation.
i commit myself to when i am in a situation and react to it in a sensitive way. I stop and breath and be sensible - be aware of what I am doing and not allow myself to be directed by feelings emotions or situations, but instead i direct it
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
A story about Strength and Powerlessness
It has been a while since my last blog. The reason why is, because I allowed how i feel to control and direct me. A story first:
I have problems with my body and have been to doctors who still dont know what is happening to me, I went to have a colonoscopy at the hospital last week Friday and let me tell you that is not fun. In order to have a colonoscopy done you have to first clear out your sytem - meaning they give you a very strong laxative the day before to get all the shit out. You also cannot eat anything. So that Thursday i was very hungry and shitting most of the day. By Friday morning before the procedure i was feeling like shit.
Unfortunately for me they did not find anything. Fortunately they did not find anything - good and bad news, because I still don't know what it is. last week i had an ear infection and now i have the FLU.
I am now on an diet where i only eat whole foods for a month to see if it might be something that i am eating that is not agreeing with my body and that takes some time. I basically cannot eat most of the foods I usually eat so that is fun as well. If the Diet does not work or i get worse then i would have to go back to a hospital to do more test.
Through all of this i have leaned that i must stand no matter what, to not allow anything to get to me or influence me in terms of who i am. But that has proven to be easier said than done. i stand and breathe and then something new comes along like an ear infection or the FLU and then i allow myself to get angry at myself and then i fall on that point, Where I should have not allowed it to inFLUence me as who i am and feel powerless. Give myself and realize that i have the strength and power to get through this - and apply it.
More on this tomorrow
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
Day 95 -Escapism and Game Addiction
Years ago I was heavily addicted to this one game. It completely took over my life. I liked it so much that i would go to bed late and wake up about 2 hours before I go to work just to pay the game. I was in a relationship that time and i spent so much time playing that game that i basically ignored the relationship which pretty much ended because of it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to a game
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this addiction completely ignore the real world around me just so that i can have more time to feed my addiction
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become selfish in my need to 'get a fix' by doing what I can to make more time to play the game to satisfy myself and compromise others
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into this addiction and control my life where all i can think of is playing the game.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to feeling powerful as my game character levels up and keep playing the game to feel more powerful
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the feeling of accomplishment when I reach my goal in the game - not realizing that I feel as if I accomplish nothing in life and the game makes me feel better so I play it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the game as an escape from reality and as an distraction, because games are fun and easy - not realizing that I am running away from reality and not wanting to face life
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is the game that makes me feel powerful, not realizing that i am the one creating the feeling within myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that addiction is something that happened to me - its caused by the game as if the game has power over me - not realizing that i created that addiction and I allowed myself to become addicted.
I commit myself to stop addiction by realizing that I created the addiction and that i have the power to stop it by choosing to stop it
I commit myself to realize that I ignored the world around me and escaped from it by playing games, because games are easier and fun whereas life is difficult - and that i cannot ignore the world around me. Instead I commit myself to make the world a better place
I commit myself to stop believing the power and accomplishment i feel when playing games to be real - and to realize that real power comes from changing within to become an effective being that is the directive principle in my life
I commit myself to stop all addictions as being addicted is me giving my power away and becoming depended on something outside myself
I commit myself to not become the picture below...
Saturday, 1 September 2012
Day 82 - Fear of Authority
Today's authority im looking at police. I fear the police. There has been many stories of crooked cops and corruption and wrongful arrests. When i drive around town and se a cop car i react with fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the police
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when i am driving and see a cop car to react in fear - because I fear I am doing something wrong and they might arrest me even though i am not doing anything wrong
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrongfully arrested and taken to prison where I will stay and rot for something I did not do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that a corrupted cop will arrest me or that a ineffective cop will accidentally shoot me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and to see authority as something final and powerful where I do not have any power
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read a story of how trigger happy cops shoot on site and do not follow protocol and then try to cover it up and then fear that happening to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see the police to bring up all these fears at once and then go into a state of fear and powerlessness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word authority to the feeling of powerless and fear - and when there are people in my life that I deem as being authority I then activate the feeling of being powerless and going into a state of fear
I commit myself to stop my fear of the police
I commit myself to when i see a police car when driving to not react in fear of being arrested of doing something wrong - and to realize that I am not doing anything illegal and thus will not be arrested
I commit myself to stop the fear of being wrongfully arrested and rotting in jail due to corrupted cops or being accidentally shot by ineffective police
I commit myself to stop fearing authority and to stop seeing it as having power over me and to believe that I am powerless in the face of authority
I commit myself to stop the fear of being the victim of a cover-up shooting by corrupted cops
I commit myself to realize that i have been taught to fear authority from when i was a kid - I was told to fear god so that I can behave - i was told to fear the principle in school because he has the power to expel me - I was told to respect the authority because if i do not then my will be hell - in other words I must fear the authority. So now i stop this belief and the fear i have of authority
I commit myself to realize that behaving because i fear the consequences does not make me a good person but it makes me deceitful - i do for another what id like to be done for me
I commit myself to no more link authority with fear and feeling powerless - but to instead live my life being consistent in every situation and fear authority is useless and only affects me
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Day 69 - 'Ode To our Children' - Free Download for all Part 2
New song released- ''Ode to our Children'' created by Robot Virgins (Cerise Poolman & Fidelis Spies) and Earthonites (Matti Freeman & Kelly Posey). Its a free download so simply click on it and listen to it now or while you read this blog.
Continuing:
"And so we choose this world of Pain
With a single choice
We can undo this mistake
By choosing a world that is not enslaved
Where freedom is free
And no one suffers again"
So this part expands the chorus. The choice that needs to be made is to choose life and not to accept and allow this world with all the abuse and suffering such as war, poverty, famine, slavery the list goes on. Then to instead fond ways to stop creating this bullshit on earth but to make this world a world worth living in.
The only way to live a of worth is to have money - because without money you have no freedom and with money you can buy freedom. So in today's world freedom is not free, billions suffer because they do not have the money to live. We all live on this world and the world should be shared - but instead we created a world where you have to pay to be alive.
"We created this world from the choices we made
We creating this world from the choices we make
We are the shepherd of earth
Together we shape our worth
Into this world we bring
And leave to our children everything "
We are shepherds of earth - meaning it our responsibility to take care of the world. Of all the beings in earth we are the only ones who have the power and ability to take care of earth and make sure everything is running as it should - instead we used this power to consume the earth and destroy it - what a mess. This shows us our worth which is nothing. And then we bring children into this world and what future do they have? Not a very bright one.
"My choice, My Power, my salvation \ Our choice, our Power, our salvation
And so we create this life and all of the world "
The power of creation is choice - our choice is power and right now our choices is leading us into a bleak world. If I change my choice and choose to create a world free from abuse and suffering and where al needs are taken care of, and many others make that same choice until everybody lives this choice then "my" choice becomes "our" choice and then we have salvation. We save ourselves and our children's future
Make the right choice - choose life- choose an Equal Money System.
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Journey to Life day 42 - I am the Creator of the World and so are you
for perspective: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-85-and-god-created-slaves.html
Who created this world the way it is today? Most people would say god did. And if you question this world the response is the same - its gods plan. So because its gods plan all the suffering and abuse that exist today is acceptable and ok - its gods plan after all. And in that believe then do nothing to make this world a better place - because who dares question gods plan?
We created this world the way it is today - we did. And so WE can change it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give away my choice to a belief in a being who would choose for me - and in this give away my power and become powerless and a slave - not realizing that what I did is give up my responsibility to making this world a better place
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use religion as an abdication of my responsibility to life and to instead use it as an excuse to justify my actions
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accept god as the creator and in this accept his creation - because if i accept god as the creator then i accept all he created
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to then blame god for the state of the world and all the bad things that happens in life
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use religion as an excuse to not do something about this world and say that it is gods plan and thus i cant question or change it.
I forgive myself for not realizing that I am the one who created this world the way it is and that i am still creating it daily through the choices I live - by accepting the world the way it is and never question life or find ways to change it
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to make the choice to stand as life - to instead of accepting this world the way it is to dedicate my life to make sure all abuse and suffering ends
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself realize my responsibility to life - I created this world the way it so i have to be the be to clean it up and that i have the power to change the world as we all do but i gave my power and my choice away
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i as the creator of this world as it exist today - then have the power to then create a world that would be for what is best for and not for what is best for the few and the world expense
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear this power i have and to in that fear give it away because it is easier to give it somebody else like god - then I do not have to do anything but can be directed by someone else
I commit myself to live the choice to stand as life
I commit myself to see that we created this world as it is today by the choices we have lived
I commit myself to never again give my choice to someone else - but to live my choice in totality
I commit myself to take self responsibility by taking back the power of creation and to use it to clean up the mess as evil that have created in this world
I commit myself to create a world that is free from abuse and suffering as it exist today and to never give up on myself and life and to always push through no matter what
I commit myself to never again abdicate self responsibility and to never again give my power away but to always and in always use my power so that breath by breath i create that what is best for all beings - a life worth living in free from strife
I commit myself to stand as the example and to show others how their choice created this world and to show them how to give back the power they gave away and to together stand as one to create a new world
I commit myself to not give up on life - because if i am the creator and if i have the power to change this world and end all suffering then to give that up would be a crime against life.
This is my choice - to live it to completion because i have the power to change this world and so do you. It is up to all of us to realize this power and for all to live this choice together. That how we change this world and create a world what is best for all.
What do you choose...
Friday, 22 June 2012
Journey To Life Day 31 - Being Overwhelmed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed - that everything is too much for me handle
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the world is a gainst me and out to get me when everything seems to go wrong
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself when things go wrong seeing myself as a failure and not being good enough and experiencing unworthiness when things get tough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hopelessness when i believe that I cannot face what is here and to get lost in the magnitude of the problem we are facing here on earth before we can make this world a world worth living in
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't have the power to face this life, but to give in to fear and to allow fear to direct me - not realising that I haven't given even myself a chance to realise the power I have to change my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get everything done fast because i fear i wont have enough time to get it all done - and in that haste and fear to look at the big picture and get overwhelmed by it not realizing that i wont get it done fast and worrying about the future is utterly pointless
I forgive myself that I have mot accepted and allowed myself to breathe - to focus one point at a time and realize that through time and accumulation one point becomes many points and in that ill get things done effectively instead of doing nothing by worrying
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that blaming myself has no point - self blame is knowing I am responsible but wallowing about it and not doing something about it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to to instead of blaming myself when things go wrong to take self responsibility - in that take action and do what needs to be done - instead of doing nothing
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have the power the face any point that comes up in my life and that each point is an opportunity for me to push though and become stronger and more effective
I commit myself to stop becoming overwhelmed when looking at the big picture but to take it day by, breathe by breath, point by point.
I commit myself to accept that this will take time - and that there is no quick fix
I commit myself to realize that hopelessness cannot exist if i breath and take it one step at a time and that i can only be overwhelmed if I believe that i am not able to walk this process
I commit myself to give myself the chance to walk this process and to realize that i do in fact have the power to stand and face whatever points comes up.
I commit myself to realize that all fear is my doing and that it is not real
I commit myself to give myself worth and the power to face each point