Day 295: Day How Self-Judgement Of Singing Limits Your Life

 

My whole life since playing music I always saw myself as unable to sing or rather not very good at it, even though I really liked singing. What I did do is only sing when I am alone by myself where I am the only one who can hear, but I never had the confidence to sing in front of others.

There comes a point in your life where you simply need to say" F**k it! I'm singing and don'’t care who listens". Recently I started working on some cover songs to practice my voice and since really pushing and practicing I have found that I became better at singing to a point where I can say that I am able to sing. So all I needed to do was to practice singing to become better at it. Now, I have been a musician for many years and it never occurred to me that I can actually sing – why is that?

The reason is simple, I carried a self-judgment about my voice and that belief of me not being able to sing is what kept me from developing my singing voice. It is like picking up a guitar for the first time and trying to play it – you are going to be bad at it, It will be silly to then judge yourself as being a bad player that will never be good at playing guitar. It takes dedication and practice to become good at any instrument and your Voice is simply another instrument.

That is something I missed – that my voice is simply another instrument and that I never took the time to practice and develop it to become better at singing. Instead I Judged myself as being bad at it the first time I tried. And thus I allowed a simple self-judgment to keep me from doing something I really like doing.

There so many points within ourselves that we judge. We carry so many self-judgments that are limiting us and keeping us from expanding ourselves. How many self-judgments do you have? Here was an example of one simple self-judgment that affected me for many years so imagine what all your self-judgments are doing to your life. Time to stop them and give them up and Live!

 

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Day 282: Your Journey to Self-Empowerment:

 

I’m pretty sure if you are asked if you would like to empower yourself the answer will be a very definite YES! I mean, who would not want self-empowerment? The funny thing is though that we tend to not realize what Self-empowerment means, we do not understand the most important part of this which is not the “empowerment”, but the SELF.

For me I would say that empowering yourself is probably one of the most difficult things you will face, because empowering yourself means changing yourself. It’s not like you will have somebody else doing it for you – it’s going against who you think you are and what you believe you can and cannot do. It’s a tough road, but when you get to the other side it is well worth it.

One example I can give is that many years ago I was the very definition of the word lazy. With anything that remotely resembles work was met with a large amount of reluctance from me. I disliked work and always whenever possible did the bare minimum to get the task done. This all changed when I started this process of self-empowerment and self-discovery.

For those who were or are lucky enough to live on a farm will know one thing – There is always allot of work to be done. So when we first got the farm we started with the planning. Fences needed to be replaced, trees needed to be planted, horse grazing areas needed to be prepared so it’s safe etc. So as we were planning the usual resistance I faced when seeing work to be done grew as per usual. I really did not want to do it lol. Not just that – I had no idea how to do the stuff, I have never done it before so I was clueless on how to do this.

At that point I faced a choice – do what I usually do and give in to the resistance and stay the same lazy person as I always have been, or make the choice to change myself and not allow my reluctance and resistance to work direct me. And I simply made chose the latter.

That was the easy part – even though it took me most of my life to get to that choice. What I found is that it’s an everyday commitment I make to myself. Change happened over time, its take patience and dedication and consistency. The more I pushed through the resistance to ‘work’ and instead did what needed to be done it became easier over time.

Sure at times I really did not feel like it, but that is where decline comes in and the understanding of the importance of what I was doing. In the end it became like an understanding. I understood the need for what I was doing. For example replacing old rusted barbed wired fencing with new animal safe fencing. It eventually did not even become “work”, but more something that needed to be done and so I did it.

This Journey is not easy, but if I back then did not make the choice to change I would have probably still be the same lazy person as I have always been going through life a slave to my resistance, instead I chose to empower myself.

Thanks for reading

Day 266: How to stick to this New Year’s Resolutions

 

 

It's that time of years again and many are in the tradition to every New Year write down things they would like to change about themselves and many don't manage to actually stick to them. Some would like to kick habits like smoking or biting nails, other might want to quit drinking or simply become a better person, maybe not be so angry or sad or stubborn.

Unfortunately it is not so easy to change oneself. It is very easy to say you are going to do it, but when it comes right to it – more often than not – we fall back into our same old patterns. That is what it actually is – patterns and behaviors that we created over time and seem to be stuck in it.

When changing something like for example biting nails – there is usually a reason why you started biting nails in the first place. You could be an anxious person and whenever the anxiety comes up you bite nails. So it’s important to first find the reason for the anxiety or frustration in order to stop the nail biting. We need to find the source of these habits and patterns we would like to change.

Once the source is found the next step is self –discipline and commitment. This is where most fall, because to stop a habit or pattern is not an easy thing, but if you are committed and have self-discipline to do what you said you will then you will be able to stick to the New Year’s resolutions you created.

Thing that come up while stopping habits is all kind of excuses and justifications – you will subconsciously try every sneaky thing to go back to the habit and not stick to stopping it. A cool way to look at this is when you make the decision to stop a habit – everything that comes up after you made the choice that will make you “fall of the wagon is simply an excuse or a justification. It could be a thought or a feeling and would make so much sense, but all it is is a trap.

To recap as to what you will require to actually sticking to your New year’s resolutions:

1. Make a list and make sure its practical.

2. Make the Decision and stand by it.

3. Find the source of the problem.

4. Don’t give into the thoughts and feelings that will make you go back to the habit.

5. Don’t give into the excuses and justifications.

6. Be self-disciplined and committed.

The best thing to do is not wait for every new year before making changes, but to realize that change can be made in every moment. For more info on changing self go here.

Day 259: Its all about Perspective - Plants are alive

 

We tend to find it difficult to put some things in perspective. For example: Just how far is it to the Moon? The distance from the earth to the moon is about 384,400 km. When you look at a number like that its hard to imagine how far that is. Its like traveling around the world 9 times. Or you can look at it like this: You can fit all the planets (including Pluto) between the earth and the moon. Like this:

 

      

                                               Puts things in perspective

 

Now we all the know that plants are living things. They grow and they die, but there is allot more to it. when you walk towards a plant in the grass and it looks like you might step on it, the plant reacts. It knows you might step on it and it really doesn't want that. There has been plenty of research on this point.

A cabbage was hooked up to machines to measure any sort of reactions. They took another cabbage and started cutting it up in pieces, what they found was that the veggie reacted to this event. Even more interesting is that whenever that same person walked into the room - the plant would react. Another study showed that a plant is aware of itself being eaten by a caterpillar for example.

What does this all show us? Firstly that we do not yet know the extent to which plants are aware. When you step on grass it "feels" it. When you cut a tree down or pluck fruit the tree is aware of this. Even the fruit we eat are alive.

We tend to see things based on our perception - meaning we look at plants and trees and cut them down. We do not hear a scream of pain or see any kind of reaction and from that we believe the tree is not actually aware, but the fact is that its aware.  Plants and trees are living things. 

 

Puts things in perspective...

Day 258: Life lessons through Music – Specificity

 

 

Lately I have started practicing piano and currently I am working on a classical song that is very difficult for me. The thing about playing piano or any instrument is that to be good at it you need to be very specific in terms on finger placement, finger speed and velocity. If you are not specific in it you are going to make mistakes and play the music wrong.

What I do is learn the song one section at a time – once I am able to play it without mistakes I move on to the next section. Now, there are many sections in this song and what I found was that as I progressed I tended to rush through the sections. There are a few sections where I always make mistakes at the exact same place every time I play the song through.

This got very frustrating, but I finally realized why. When I first learnt and played those sections and when I first made the mistakes – I did not stop to correct them effectively. I kind of just skipped it because it’s such a small point I rather want to get on with the next section so that I can learn the whole song. Now what has happened is that I formed a habit and that mistake is actually now part of how I play the song. All because I did not stop and correct it the moment I made the mistake – I was not specific enough the first time I played it. Now I have to unlearn the mistake by repeatedly playing it correctly over and over until it sinks in.

And this basically related to life as well. We go through life and we make mistakes along the way. We learn how to deal with events in our lives and how to deal with things. For example as a kid somebody said something nasty to me and I took it personally and became angry – From that moment whenever a similar events plays out I do the exact same thing, because when it first happened I did not stop for a moment to realize that taking things personally is not necessary – I am the one who creates the reaction within me.

There are so many examples of how we all made mistakes in life and never really learned from them, but instead created a habit to repeat those mistakes and that has become part of who we are. And to change that behavior requires us to consistently and repeatedly correct it whenever it comes up. For example with me and taking this personally – whenever I took something personally I to stopped and breathed and let go of the anger and reaction. Eventually over time this behavior faded away – I had to unlearn it.

Sure it would have been easier to stop the behavior as soon as it happened, but we are not taught or shown how to respond practically and effectively to situations in life.

A new Website opened where you can find video recordings all about supporting you in your life’s journey.  The video you’ll find there deal with everyday problems that you may be facing at the moment, that you have experienced in the past or that you may run into in the future. They offer insights based on common sense and solutions that you can apply in your life instantly. go here to find out more: Self and Living

Day 238: Self Discipline - Where did it go?

 

A very important part of this process is Self-discipline – Without it self-change is nearly impossible. Without self-discipline you will always give into any resistance you feel and thus you never actually change.

It’s a hard thing to change yourself. With every change there will be resistance. With every task that you do not “feel like” doing there will be resistance. This is why self-discipline is necessary, because whenever there is something you should be doing, but do not feel like doing, without some level of discipline you will always give into the resistance. There will always be the one thought that will justify your choice not to do the task.

Unfortunately that is how this works. I can take myself as an example here. When I first started working with my hands around the farm I had big resistance towards it. Eventually I realized the importance of why this particular tasks needs to be done and so I did it regardless of how I felt about it. So what I basically did was pushed through resistance I felt and simply did the task. I did the task with the understanding that it needed to be done. Through the years of working with my hands I developed self-discipline and found it supported me in that regard.

Now it’s been a long time since my primary focus was working with my hands. Since my thyroid went haywire I was unable to do anything physical so I had to refocus my attention and time towards other things and this made me realize something new about self-discipline.

Once you have Self-discipline it is something you have to apply consistently in your daily life. It does not magically take away the resistance when you do something you do not like doing. The resistance still comes up, but then applying discipline you push through it and do the task no matter how you feel about it or what thoughts seems valid enough to keep you from doing it. When you decide to allow that one thought that will keep you from doing the tasks at hand (or in other words give into the resistance) then you don’t have that discipline anymore.

As you work through resistance you start to see just how far you will go to give into the resistance. All kinds of thoughts comes up: ‘’I’ll do it later” ,“ I had a long day”,” I’m tired”, “ I need a break and time for myself”, “ I do not have time for this” etc. That last one is a big one, because 99% of the time you do actually have time for it, but would rather use the time do something you like.

I used allot of excuses before not to do something. And today I had a look at the point of blogging, really went deep to try and find an actual valid answer to why I am not blogging more regularly? Sure, there were reasons, but none of which could truly justify it. There comes a time in life where all that’s left to do is to say: “Screw IT! I’m doing this!! Right now!!!” and then do the thing until it’s done. And my time is right now. I know I have been absent in the “bloggersphere”, that changes now.

IF there are others who are facing the same issue – where you have a big resistance towards something you should be doing – look at the reasons and thoughts. Really look deep and see for yourself that none are valid and that there is actually time. It’s time to simply say: Till here no further, Screw the resistance. I’m doing this. Right now.

If our Cells were like humans We’d All be Dead

 

I watched an interesting episode about Cells inside the human body called Curiosity: Battlefield Cell. It shows - in vivid detail - what happens when a virus enters your body and the process it goes through and how it attacks and infects cells.

The particular virus they showed was one that causes things like congestion in the nose and cold or flu. This virus goes through a very arduous process and it has one objective – to find a cell, clone an army and destroy it. The body has its defenses against viruses and bacteria and it actually goes into battles almost daily to keep viruses away from your cells.

I never knew just how complicated the body is, even before the virus gets to any cells there are many defenses within the body that detect and destroy these viruses. In turn the virus has many defenses and tactics to get past these defenses. When a virus eventually does get into a Cell it makes its way into the center where the virus DNA will kind of “overwrite” and replace the cell DNA with its own DNA. Then the virus will start cloning itself rapidly and create new viruses, thousands within this particular cell. Then it destroys the cell and these thousands of viruses will start the whole infection process with other cells in the body.

While this is all happening – when a cell gets infected and is about to get overrun and killed by the virus it will send out a warning to the other cells nearby and to the body. The white blood cells will come to the cell and start fighting the virus clones by consuming the virus clones. If the cell is beyond repairing the white blood cells will destroy the infected cell. Even nearby healthy cells that are close to the infected cells will actually destroy themselves to stop the spread.

This is simply amazing – all of this happening in the body and all we experience is a runny nose. The body does all it can to protect. All the cells within the body are all working together with the basic understanding that if one cell does not do its part, then it compromises all the other cells and the body as a whole. So a Cell will destroy itself to protect the body as a whole. It will do what is best for all.

Now imagine that these Cells were like humans. Acting in pure self-interest for example one day simply too lazy to fight a virus, or choosing to preserve itself instead of destroying itself to stop a spread of infection. We would be royally screwed. What if your heart decided it will only beat if you give it something in return? Or it is just not in the mood to beat? You will die.

We all need to be more like these Cells. This earth is one big organism and we humans are the cells. As you can see with the state of this organism we are slowly killing it with our greed and self-interest. We should look within ourselves at the effeteness of working together. Currently we are more like the virus, but we must learn to change and be more like OurCELLves.

Day 226: Please! Stop with the Advertising!!!

 

 

It is everywhere – Ads have managed their way into almost every part of our daily lives. When I Was a kid the only Ads I saw was on TV. Most of my free time was spent playing outside so when we were young were not bombarded with the magnitude of Ads people see today.

We do not have a TV anymore, but I still see plenty ads everyday even though I live on a farm. When I turn on my radio in the car – There are Ads. As I drive through town – There are Ads. When I am on Facebook – there are Ads. When I look at news on the Internet – There are Ads. When I do a Google Search – There are Ads. When I download a free app for my phone – There are Ads. Checking emails – Spam Ads. Receiving SMS – Spam Ads.

It’s really getting out of hand. As a kid when I went to watch a movie on the big screen the only Ads they showed were future releases of movies. Now there are all kinds of Advertisements before the movie even starts. They are even Advertising in Schools! On School buses, in gymnasiums, on book covers, and even in bathroom stalls.

“School advertising also appears under the guise of educational TV: Channel One. Currently available in 12 000 schools, Channel One consists of 10 minutes of current-events programming and 2 minutes of commercials. Advertisers pay $200 000 for advertising time and the opportunity to target 40% of the nation's teenagers for 30 seconds.⁸⁹ According to a recent government report, Channel One now plays in 25% of the nation's middle and high schools⁸¹ and generates profits estimated at $100 million annually.^{89” - http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/118/6/2563.full}

Sneaky – Very Sneaky. Now a days when a child has the ability to hold a cellular device or tablet they are exposed to many, many advertisements. That’s children as young as 2 or 3 years old that are already being targeted al for companies to make profit. And Advertisements have become extremely effective over the years – you see it and you are like “YES – I NEED THAT”, but you did not need it before you watched the Ad.

The problem is that children and people are not educated on how Advertising works – How it plays the emotions and feelings and how it actually directs you to do what the ad tells you to. Before you can do that you need to understand how emotions and feelings direct you and to see how you are actually not the one who directs your life. How do you do that? Find out in my next blog.

Day 223: Doing something to the best of your ability

 

I'm going to share another perspective on the point of living your full potential. In a blog, which you can read here, I wrote a more general point on realizing and living your utmost potential. Today I am going to give some examples of practical application and how I applied this in my life.

Living your utmost potential is like doing something to the best of your ability. I have said this many times in blogs - that I was always a person who took the easy route in terms of work, did the least amount of effort required to complete a task. Since walking this process that all changed.

The first opportunity I had to change this about myself was working with my hands. What is cool about "getting down to earth" and getting your hands dirty with good old physical work is that when you are done with it you can actually see what you did. For example: The first time I worked with bricks, we had a bath put in by plumbers so we needed to brick it up and I decided ill give it a go. I remember it took me the whole day to do this, mostly because it was a new thing so as I built it layer by layer and a got to my 4th layer I noticed that the 3rd layer was out of line. So i could have left it as it was, but that 3rd layer would not be in line with the rest of the mini wall and the thing about a wall is that it would be there for many many years - every time I look at it I would see it was not built properly, in the end I dismantled the 4th and 3rd layer started again.

Working with bricks and cement and concrete - when you are done it is a permanent thing so I wanted to make sure that every time a look at the finished product I want to to be able to say that I did my best. And always the next time I worked on a similar task like throwing and leveling a concrete floor I looked for ways to improve and make it better than the last one I did.

It was a cool experience and opportunity for me to improve myself by always doing something to the best of my ability - my utmost potential. And I did this with many tasks ranging from roofing to fencing to tree planting - finding ways to it better and improve my skills.

Day 220: The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

 

I  commit myself to live the following Principles. I Will in blogs to come go into more detail with the points below:

 

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth - See more at: http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/05/day-532-desteni-of-living-my.html#sthash.TuesIhU2.dpuf

Day 219: If I change myself – Will the world change?

 

"'You cant change this world".

This is something that comes up with people when they see others dedicating their lives to world change. It is said that the world is just the way it is and nothing can be done make it difference. It has been blamed on many things like human nature – saying that it is in our nature to be greedy and uncaring. That the world is the way it is, because it’s our nature and that will never change. No one person can change this world. It is very easy to give up even before you started. It is very easy to simply say “ it is impossible “ just so that you do not actually have to do anything.

It is at least partially right – human nature is the problem. It is not our nature that is the problem, but it is what we have all accepted and allowed our nature to be. The question is then if you can change the nature of the human, which the nature of yourself, will the world change?

To find the answer first look at world as a whole – we have the usual things that are always there like war, famine, hunger, poverty. Now, the world is really a reflection of ourselves – let’s take war for example: War stems from things like anger, mistrust, bullying, ego and a lust for power. If we look within ourselves we will find all those things exist within us. All these terrible things that exist in this world had to come from somewhere – ourselves. It is human behavior on a larger scale.

Common sense here would dictate that if human nature/behavior was different then the world would be different as well. So yes – you change human nature you change the world. But can human nature/behavior be changed? Many believe it is impossible, but it’s not.

This is how you change the world – change yourself and live as an example and assist others to do the same. It is not an easy thing to walk and many give up or fade away. You can change who you are, because I have changed who I am. Since walking this journey I have changed allot of points within myself for the better. If I can do this so can you.

WTF is Self support and Why is it Important?

 

Today I am starting a Mini-Series specifically about Self-support. This point has been a recurring point that came up a lot in my life and revealed in many ways. And as I go deeper into this point new dimensions open up and I discover many new layers in regards to self-support.

Now, I have written a few blogs on Self-support and every time there is something new that comes up and that is cool, because with every layer I learn something new about myself.

What I can see now is that I have lived my life wanting support from others. Be It from my family or friends – I wanted to be supported in all aspects of my life. I am sure many live like this – always looking for support, but unwilling support yourself.

If I look back to my relationships I had in the past with girlfriends the primary point I looked for was support – I wanted support. And when the relationship ended I would look for it elsewhere. I never once considered that the fact I was look for support from others was an indication that I was not supporting myself, and because I was not supporting myself it influenced every decision I ever made. I wrote a blog about indecision and the lack of self-support is directly related to it.

I could not make decisions without help/support from others. Without a clear confirmation I always struggled with making choices. It was easier to get others to help me with making choices, because then there is no uncertainty and always someone to fall back to when the choice was a mistake.

And so I lived like this my whole life – always looking for support from other people and never being the directive principle in my life. This not only lead to me struggling to make decisions, but also unable to stand on my own – lacking inner strength and feeling inadequate all the time.

Since working on this point I have definitely changed. I realized that I must be willing, able to support myself – I must be able to stand on my own and be the directive principle in my life. To make choices on my own and not be afraid of making mistakes, but to learn from my mistakes. This particular process I have walked for a long time – to actually, practically live Self-Support.

In my Next blog I will continue this.

Day 108 - Doing it for Others

 

Please read this first quickly to understand this blog

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only do things for other people and ignore myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not need to take care of myself and that i must dedicate my life to only help others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people are more important than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place other things like people and tasks above me where I am inferior an not important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others have more worth than I do

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i cannot only help others, but that i must also assist myself so that I can become more effective in assisting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when participating  in farm activities to not be aware of myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write music for others, not realizing that ill be more effective and it would be more enjoyable if I wrote for myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only write these blogs for other people and not me, not realizing that this is the reason why its so difficult for me to write, I'm missing me within it

I commit myself to write for me, for me to become more effective and in that as I become more effective I can assist other better  - write for myself for others.

I commit myself to write music for myself as others

I commit myself to stop placing others above me, to stop seeing others as more important, worthy, but to instead stand equal.

I commit myself to when I participate in farm activities like planting trees, to not only do it so that the tree can grow  -for the tree - but to also do it for me - where im aware of myself and the plant and realize that I'm working with a living being.

I commit myself to realize that I will always stay the same if I do not change something -

I commit myself to be aware of myself always

I realize the reason why I do what I do - because I understand there is a problem in the world and that I have the power to change it - through writing fir me to become more effective for others to also realize there's a solution. Trough music as to bring a message across and living as an example.

Give yourself to the power to be free - www.desteni.org.

Give yourself a life where all beings are free - www.equalmoney.org

Day 92 - Supporting Self

 

I did some introspection today and had a look at who I am and what I do. And what came up is support. If I look at this I see that i am effective in supporting the farm for example working outside and learning how to do things.

I have been able to support others in learning the things I have learned. But when I look at how I support myself - I simply do not. I support others, but I do not support myself. I see others as being more important than I am and I would always place others needs above my own.

Now i have to ask why am I doing this? Why do I see myself as less than others? Why do i se them as being worth more than i am. Its because i see myself as being less important. I believe myself to be unworthy.

In my previous posts I explained the point of working through understanding. I do work around the farm, because i understand the need for the particular task that im doing. For example planting a fruit tree - so that we can have our own fruit in the future. Even mundane things like pulling weeds for the day - to make sure that the grass or vegetables or fruit trees can grow effectively. I support others with what i learned so that they also have the know how and be educated. I understand the importance of it.

This is where my problem is - that I do not se the importance of supporting myself. Id rather support other people. I do support myself to some extend but not in the same capacity that i do with outside work where I go for being most effective in what i do. When it comes to supporting myself I always do it half assed or not at all.

Back when I was in high school and i got sick - I got very sick. I remember I went on holiday visiting old friends i got very sick. I still continued partying and smoking - i eventually got to the doctor who said i had bronchitis and a throat  infection. I still continues partying and smoking and even swimming in the Atlantic ocean(very cold). Every time i got sick i never showed it - only when i am so sick that i cannot walk and am in too much pain will I stay in bed. An example of how I do not care about myself. Did not support myself.

And this behavior is from when my mother died - that really did a number on me and here is another point that still dictated my life. When she died I made allot of choices subconsciously - including that i am not worthy or important and i do not care about myself. 

Self support - I will continue this tomorrow. Its important 

Journey to life day 21 - I am not Worthy of Life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not worthy

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to through years of backchat created an self image of me being inferior to others and took this as my self religion and believed it is who i am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to though this belief always place myself second and placing everyone else first - compromising myself to keep others happy because i dont deserve to be joy

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and who i am as ugliness and dark based on my thoughts feelings and emotions - not realizing that i am not my thoughts feeling or emotions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a failure - because i am unable to move faster in changing myself to become an effective human being standing for the end of all abuse

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see the progress and actions and abilities i have devolved and to see that as not enough

I forgive myself that i have mot accepted and allowed myself to give myself worth

I commit myself to stop seeing myself as not worthy

I commit myself to give myself worth

I commit myself to see that this process will take time

I commit myself to give myself credit for what i have done so far will help from others.