Day 303 - How can we make the Impossible into a Possible reality?

If you had a choice would you want to live in this world with all its suffering? I would not choose this world, so why don’t we change it?

How The Living Income Guaranteed can drastically decrease Mental Illness

 

A recent study revealed that poverty and unemployment are linked to metal illness and depression. It turns out that people who don’t have enough money to live are more likely to be depressed and suicidal.

Its shows that nearly 1 in 5 of Adult Americans experienced mental illness in 2013. The main purpose of this study was to show just how many people are not currently being treated for mental illness – however it does not give actual solutions to the cause of the mental illness in the first place.

What we are dealing with here is a typical Band-Aid solution. By giving people who are depressed drugs is not a permanent solution. What we need to do here is stop the problem at the source – and from the study one of the main causes of why so many people struggle with mental illness is because of the lack of money.

And it makes perfect sense – We need money to survive in this world. When you are unemployed and living in poverty not being able to provide for yourself or your family can result in you becoming depressed. Its horrid to live in such conditions – and to give these people drugs to take away the depression will not solve the problem at hand. So what will?

By taking these people out of poverty will drastically improve their current living condition. If you do not have to worry about going hungry or not finding a place to sleep you can actually start living and stop just surviving. With the Implementation of the Living Income Guaranteed we can remove poverty and homelessness and with it drastically decrease mental illness. That would be stopping the problem at its source – by providing a permanent solution.

Below are some points explaining parts of the study :

In November of 2014, the U.S. government’s Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) issued a press release titled “Nearly One in Five Adult Americans Experienced Mental Illness in 2013.” This brief press release provides a snapshot of the number of Americans who are suicidal, depressed, and mentally ill, and it bemoans how many Americans are not in treatment. However, excluded from SAMHSA’s press release—yet included in the lengthy results of SAMHSA’s national survey—are economic, age, gender, and other demographic correlates of serious mental illness, depression, and suicidality (serious suicidal thoughts, plans, or attempts). It is these demographic correlates that have political implications.

Also, the survey results provide extensive evidence that unemployment and poverty are highly associated with suicidality, depression, and serious mental illness.

These lengthy results, for example, include extensive evidence that involvement in the criminal justice system (such as being on parole or probation) is highly correlated with suicidality, depression, and serious mental illness. Yet Americans are not told that preventing unnecessary involvement with the criminal justice system—for example, marijuana legalization and drug use decriminalization—could well prove to be a more powerful antidote to suicidality, depression, and serious mental illness than medical treatment. -http://www.salon.com/2015/02/19/what_were_not_being_told_about_suicide_and_depression/

Day 259: Its all about Perspective - Plants are alive

 

We tend to find it difficult to put some things in perspective. For example: Just how far is it to the Moon? The distance from the earth to the moon is about 384,400 km. When you look at a number like that its hard to imagine how far that is. Its like traveling around the world 9 times. Or you can look at it like this: You can fit all the planets (including Pluto) between the earth and the moon. Like this:

 

      

                                               Puts things in perspective

 

Now we all the know that plants are living things. They grow and they die, but there is allot more to it. when you walk towards a plant in the grass and it looks like you might step on it, the plant reacts. It knows you might step on it and it really doesn't want that. There has been plenty of research on this point.

A cabbage was hooked up to machines to measure any sort of reactions. They took another cabbage and started cutting it up in pieces, what they found was that the veggie reacted to this event. Even more interesting is that whenever that same person walked into the room - the plant would react. Another study showed that a plant is aware of itself being eaten by a caterpillar for example.

What does this all show us? Firstly that we do not yet know the extent to which plants are aware. When you step on grass it "feels" it. When you cut a tree down or pluck fruit the tree is aware of this. Even the fruit we eat are alive.

We tend to see things based on our perception - meaning we look at plants and trees and cut them down. We do not hear a scream of pain or see any kind of reaction and from that we believe the tree is not actually aware, but the fact is that its aware.  Plants and trees are living things. 

 

Puts things in perspective...

Day 205: Anger - The Inner self created Hell

 

 

  Anger is often described as an all-consuming fire that rages within. And that is a pretty accurate description. So what is it that lights the fire? What is it starts the spark and sets loose the anger within? What is the fuel that keeps it going? It could be many things or one thing – maybe someone insulted you or there is a crazy driver in front of you. Maybe you took something personally or you are tired of something. Whatever the reason there is only answer as to what or who puts the match to the inner fire of anger - ME.

Whatever the reason is the anger is always created by yourself. If someone insults me and I get angry – I am the one who allowed the anger within me. The same in any situation – I am always the one creating the anger.

For example a few months ago I developed back problems. Now I was very active physically so a bad back made it almost impossible for me to do simple things. Eventually the whole situation made me angry. What happened then is that whenever my back hurt I would get angry – so I linked anger to my back pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry because I am unable to do things I usually could since my back got hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this anger and became quickly reactive and irritable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I created this anger within myself and that I am the one who allowed it to continue exist within me – within this I am the only one who can let it go.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to when I am angry to feed the anger by with thoughts and backchat to keep the anger going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself, because I judged myself as being useless. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a useless and whenever I was unable to do a task to allow myself to create anger within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever my back pain got bad to immediately react with anger – instead of breathing through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link my back pain directly to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the anger and not let go of the anger and stop it as soon as it comes up.

I commit myself to realize that I am always the one who creates the reactions within myself and that I am responsible for every one of them.

I commit myself to stop getting angry at myself when I am unable to do something – instead I breathe and realize that anger will not solve anything

I commit myself to when I do get angry to stop the anger and immediately let it go and not to feed the anger with backchat and thoughts.

I commit myself to stop judging myself as being useless and getting angry about it – instead I do what I am able to and realize that it is all I can do.

I commit myself to stop linking my back pain to anger – instead when the pain comes I breathe through it and do not react.

So yes – pain is painful, but it is useless and pointless to get all angry about it. In the End it is not the pain that causes anger. I create I anger.

Day 156 - Ask and you shall receive - Or Be silent and suffer

 

 

The heading seems a bit gloomy and doomy, which is how I feel today. I’ll start with words of wisdom that each one should take to heart and live by, for it will make your life easier and take away some of the struggle: ''Read the Manual''

With most things that require assembling, like a cupboard or a table - they include this piece of paper that has all the instructions on how to assemble it. Some people completely ignore this ‘holy grail’ believing they do not need such a thing - stubbornly claiming ''I can do it myself '' or " I'm a manly man and manuals are mainly for plainly wussy people''. Most of the time this stubbornness leads to a scene of a very irritated ''manly man'' struggling to assemble the thing and in his effort to protect his pride, absolutely refuses any help.

Read the manual - they put it there for a reason. And I can tell you from experience as a person who reads the manual that it has made my life easier. So heed my words as this is one of life's lessons that I have learned.

Now to some other words of wisdom. What  you are about to read will amaze you in its simplicity and how astonishingly helpful it will be once you apply this: ''Ask and you shall receive''

I have not yet fully grasped this wisdom as of yet -Even though I Read the Manual, which is like asking for assistance. I will explain my conundrum and the reason for my gloominess. Yesterday evening I was helping out with preparing my stable. The power was out which meant we had to fill up the water buckets underneath the tap and then carry them to the stables. With my Graves disease I have been inactive and not as strong as I used to be and I also have back problems so as I was filling up this water bucket of doom I knew it would be too much of a strain on my back to carry it and I should ASK so that I can RECIEVE assistance. Alas I did not and told myself that ''I can do it myself''. I carried that bucket and immediately regretted my decision - it was a great struggle for me and today I suffered the consequences. My back has been very sore today.

All could have been avoided if I simply asked for help like I ask those manuals filled with great wisdom.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask for assistance when I require it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I am not capable anymore of carrying heavy things to see it as me being useless and unhelpful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn and believe that I do not need any help when I can clearly see that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional reaction to me not being as strong as I used to be and see that as me being weak, not seeing for what it really is which is simply me not being as strong as I used to be – and this only from a ‘physical perspective’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove that I am not weak by trying to carry something I am clearly not capable of carrying - not realizing that strength has nothing to do with muscle power and instead has all to do with my beingness/who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for doing such a silly thing and judging myself because of it.

I commit myself to ask for assistance when I need it

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am useless because I cannot help out with heavy objects anymore - Instead I realize that my body is not as strong anymore and thus I am physically unable to carry heavy things

I commit myself to stop being stubborn and instead listen to common sense

I commit myself to stop the reaction to me not being as strong as I used to be and seeing myself as weak, Instead I see it for what is really is - I am simply not strong anymore and there is nothing weak about it - it simply is

I commit myself to stop judging myself when I did something silly - instead I learn from the event and make sure I do not do it again

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for hurting my back - instead I stop the anger and realize that anger will do nothing but fumigate me and is useless. I turn that anger into something practical like finding the reason why I hurt myself so that I do not do it again.

Day 146 - Fear of Dying of Disease

 

When my body first started giving me problems i did not think it was a disease - i thought it was probably something im eating. I come from a line of bad genetics - bad teeth, cancer, asthma to name a few. It was only when i went to go see doctors about my body that i started to worry that the sins of my fathers will be laid upon  me so to speak - that I actually just might have a disease.

When i told the doctors the symptoms they asked me if there is cancer is the family and i would think to myself "" O shit, I might just have it"". It started to dawn on me that I just might die from some horrible disease. Yeay for me.

The doctors named a few sicknesses that it might be and it was some real scary sh it. That a tiny being in your body that kills you - having death inside of you and nothing you can do about it. You never think or believe that it will happen to you until it does - that you might actually die - this was the worse case scenario anyway.

I have experience death and loss a few times in my life, but never that i might die .The realization hit me and it was a different exp erience of myself - death. Where my body stop functioning and ends, returns to the earth. At first I was a bit shocked and feared it - this is something I have not faced on a personal level yet and I am not ready, then I was a bit angry at myself because if I die and thought what about my responsibilities here? What about all the things i still need to do? i wont be able to tend to them. Then I got sad, because I unfortunately know what loss feels like - to loose someone to death and others around me will experience it if I go, It is sad.

I told myself I would fight it and not give up, that I will not allow myself to die, lol. But then I realized that if it is really my time to go then its my time - everybody will die eventually. And that it is nothing to fear - there is no reason to fear death. I got a bit excited - a new experience. It was not a point of giving up - I would do to the best of my ability, but death is not something you fight, otherwise we go down the road of fighting yourself again. (This is different to each persons process, i am writing about my own here).

On Wednesday I have another appointment with my doctor - a checkup to see what my thyroid is doing is if the medication is working effectively. And on Monday i first need to do another blood test to check my thyroid hormone levels. 

Day 140 - Pain and Discomfort Letting you Down?

 

I have had stomach problems for a long time now, went to the doctor a month ago and said i might have an infection. After the medication it showed i did not have an infection and the next step is to stick a camera up there to see what is happening. Im really not looking forward to this.

The last six month with my stomach problems has gotten to me - meaning i am allowing myself to become more sad, irritated and angry. This problem I have is not going away. The backchat about it is accumulating and im not stopping it and breathing which is why im getting sad, irritated and angry.

Now i will write it out of me so that I can stop this from happening, stop being overwhelmed by my condition whatever it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, because of the pain and discomfort i feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, because of how i feel physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and depressed, because my stomach problems are not going away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become affected and directed by how I feel physically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to lash out and take it out on other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to have backchat about things and think about situations where i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less effective, because i allowed the pain and discomfort to influence who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the feeling of wanting to give up and give into the discomfort and pain - instead of pushing through.

I commit myself to stop being angry, because of the discomfort i feel - and to instead breath and stop the anger

I commit myself to stop being irritated, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the irritated

I commit myself to stop being sad, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the sadness

I commit myself to stop being directed by how i feel physically in terms of being emotionally directed - and to instead not be directed by how i feel.

I commit myself to stop the the backchat and not to continue and keep on fueling it.

I commit myself to stay consistent

I commit myself to stop lashing out and taking my anger out on people, instead I stop the anger and backchat and make sure that when I speak to people i am clear within myself

Things you Might not know about Horses

 

My whole life I have never had any experience with horses. I only ever had dogs and cats. I have been around horses now the past 4 years. In the beginning when I started working with horses It was a whole new experience. They are amazing and cunning beings, very sneaky sometimes.

One thing I never new was that horses lie. Yes - they lie and manipulate sometimes. When I exercised Grootman (horse name) he would fake being tired or have no energy just to not exercise anymore. I never knew they do that.

It has been a awesome learning curve  - horses can teach you allot about yourself. They are very physical observing beings. They can sum you up - see all of you before you even get close. They are far more aware of you that you are about yourself.

A few days ago we had one of our horses die - Titan. Titan and Grootman were best friends - you would always se those two together in the fields. I did not know horses form close bonds with each other. On Friday we buried Titan And that afternoon when the horses came back to the stables Grootman started showing symptoms of severe colic. He was crying out all the time for his friend Titan, because he cannot see him anywhere. Everybody gathered around as support for Grootman

We got the Vet out when we first saw what was happening to him. He was basically stressing about not seeing Titan around anymore which caused him to have big problems with his digestive system.

Long story short - the vet did everything she could, but Grootman did not respond to the medicine. He was in extreme pain when the pain killers wore off. The Vet was here from about 6 at night till twelve. The only options we had was to wait till he sorts it our himself and if he does not we will have to put him down.

She left  us enough pain killer injections to help him through the night if needed. Rozelle and I stayed up with him at the stables all night and everybody on the farm helped in keeping an eye on him for when he starts feeling pain again. Which was the next morning where he relapsed again. We gave him painkillers again. From that moment on we pulled through and made it. He is fine now again. All of this was triggered, because he missed his friend Titan. Proof that horses also feel for those who did not know.

He went through allot that night and day - he had to make some hard choices in order to pull through.

to be continued.

Day 123 - Stomach problems continue

 

An update on my body:

I have now gone almost 2 weeks without gluten. Thus far there has been no improvement and I started loosing weight and getting very tired. So instead of struggling to find the reason and diagnoses I going to a doctor. I have attempted to sort this out myself for months now without success so it time to seek professional advise.

P.S. Regarding my back - I was fine not rolling over in my sleep until last night and woke up this morning with a nice fresh neck and back pain. Lets see how this develops. A problem is that my back is out and hurting so I'm going to get it set again

Within all this to me it seems that I failed in fixing my stomach problems myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if i have failed in fixing myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because my problem is not going away I am doing something wrong

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it might be something worse and thus anticipate the worse

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create fear and anxiety in wondering ht could be happening to me

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i wont know for sure what is causing the problems with my body until I see a doctor

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself to having this problem where it affects my daily life and keeping me from fully participate

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to go to a doctor, because of me being stubborn in not wanting to admit that there is something happing to me that requires attention

I commit myself to stop wanting to do EVERYTHING myself - instead i realize that there are things that i cannot possibly do myself and that i do need assistance

I commit myself to stop the belief that i am doing something wrong if something takes longer than i expected it to  - instead i breath and be patient

I commit myself to  stop always anticipating the worse and create fear and anxiety - instead i see it is what it is and fearing it won change a thing so i stop

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for not being able to participate effectively in my daily routine and to realize that if my body cannot handle it i will only harm myself more by not listening

I commit myself to when necessary to not wait in stubbornness but to seek out medical attention when needed.

Thanks

Day 120 - Loosing Focus

 

I am now on day 4 gluten free and have noticed another point. I have been loosing focus. Today I misplaced my cell-phone twice, i am forgetting things, missing things and have become less aware of my environment. Also broke a coffee cup.

Yes we all misplace things and drop things and forget things, but for me this is happening more than should. The past few days my stomach has become worse along with my back so I’ve been in a bit of pain and really tired of having this, I am sick and tired of having to go to the toilet at least 4 times a day. This is why im loosing focus, because I am distracting myself with my problems and fear that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life and i REALLY do not want that. My back problem is hindering my effectiveness, because I cant help out around the farm as much as I would like to.

My back problem is for another day another blog - for now i am writing  about loosing focus so that I can, in spite of my utter discomfort - not allow it to effect who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose focus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget things allot more than usual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misplace objects by not being aware of myself when I put something down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less aware of my environment and I miss things where I usually do not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my discomfort believe that going gluten free is pointless since there is no change

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there wont always be a change immediately and that it will take time

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient and always want to rush things and want things to go fast when in reality they do not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to distract myself from what I do with the pain and discomfort I feel and to become less effective because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe through the discomfort and bring myself here so that i can be effective.

(Please note - if you are in consistent pain and discomfort that affects or impairs you go see a doctor)

I commit myself to focus on what is important and to make sure that I do not loose focus

I commit myself to when I do loose focus and start forgetting things/misplacing things to breathe and slow myself down

I commit myself to let go of my impatience and frustrations when I see no change with my stomach - instead I am patent/patience.

I commit myself to be aware of myself when drinking something so that I do not haste and allow the water to go down the wrong hole where I will cough my lungs out (might seem a bit random,but this just happened so i placed it in here)

I commit myself to not be affected and become less effective when faced with discomfort

I commit myself to be aware of myself and my environment and not to be lost in thought and feelings and emotions where i will miss the world around me and important things might slip through and lead to unwanted consequences

I commit myself to realize that this will take time - and keep the 1 week  gluten free commitment.

Day 106 - Anger

When I become angry or irritated because of something that is happening to me – like somebody doing/saying something that I take personally and want to lash out at them – all common sense goes out the door and my actions become unreasonable.

Its feels like I’m stuck in a sort of mode that I hold on to, and while in this mode I simply become nasty. Thoughts run through my head where I portray myself as superior to the person who made me angry and how I am always right and the person is wrong.
Now when I step out of this mode, I can see my mistake.
But when im in this mode, I am right and everybody else is wrong.  

This is a reaction that is not directed, because my actions and words are directed by the anger.
Instead of directing the anger into a self directive action where the words I speak will consider all that is involved at that moment and that it will be supportive and according to what is best for all.

It is not to stop anger, but to direct yourself, instead of being dire by anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overcome with anger where I do not have control over what I say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when someone says something that offends me to take it personally and react in anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the anger is real - not realizing that it originates from a thought - which has no substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lash out at people and become completely unreasonable when I’m angry.

More on this tomorrow

Day 105 - Breathe

 

A new Development.

I got myself a hemorrhoid. Its an extremely painful bump that occurs on your asshole and related to constipation. So here follows some points in regards to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I got this hemorrhoid to become angry at myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, because I believe i cant get anything right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated at this new development, because what is happening to me just becomes worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up, because i believe that i am doing my best and that this new development means that my best is not good enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to get better without considering my body and consequences

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe so that I can be fully here all of me in order to fully assist myself as my body so that there is a consistent flow in all that i do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let feelings and emotions direct me in making me feel that there is no end to this - that there will always be something wrong with me and that I have no choice within this.

I commit myself to stop the anger when a new problem presents itself, instead I find the source of it and deal with it.

I commit myself to stop being irritated, instead I realize there no point to being irritated

I commit myself to stop the frustration and realize that its backchat - instead I stop the backchat

I commit myself to stop the belief that if new problems arise then I am not good enough

I commit myself to consider myself and my body by breathing so that I can be fully here all of me in order to fully assist myself as my body so that there is a consistent flow in all that I do

I commit myself to realize that this is a process and there will be new points and problems that will creep up so i commit myself to deal with it as I have done with other problems and realize that i do have the power and overcome them as have chose to do it.

Journey to life day 6 – Teeth Rotting Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all my teeth will rot

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I get more holes I will have to go to the dentist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the dentist because of my past experiences with pain from getting fillings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting my teeth filled because it would cost allot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this fear and believe that is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be effected an moved by this fear and that I allowed myself to be influenced by this fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every time when I look at my teeth experience fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate when my teeth will get holes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something wrong with me because of my bad teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any teeth.

I commit myself to stop the fear of my teeth rotting

I commit myself to the fear of going the dentist and pain – I see that it is based on my past experiences 

I commit myself to see that the fear is not real

I commit myself to be the directive principle and not allow fear to direct me