Ode To Kentucky Politics

My New Favorite Website

Brought to you by the People's Cube.

Heh.

Think Democrats This Fall

Heh.

*WARNING-The F bomb is thrown towards the end of this video, but in a realistic way. No gratuitous cursing. Still very funny*

Commercial of the Year

Sometimes an SNL Clip is Worth a Thousand Words

A Post Where I Pretend I'm A Liberal

Beware The Pulsar Doom-Ray! Or I'd Like To Order A Pulsar Doom-Ray, Please.

"No, the Pulsar Doom-Ray will not kill you -- immediately. Ah, if only you were that fortunate! Instead, my ingenious device will instantaneously fuse shut the doors of your precious Congress and regulatory agencies. One touch of this button, and I shall bring your entire federal apparatus to a grinding halt -- leaving you to suffer week upon week of Washingtonless agony!

Imagine now, if you dare, the fate that I may choose for you: first your vaunted health care bill will die, unreconciled, leaving you with a primitive 2009-level medical system. Trillions of dollars of your life-giving fiscal stimulus will go unspent, throwing tens of your countrymen out of work. Your 'Smart Diplomacy' peace partnership initiatives will go uncommunicated, resulting in discomfort and ill ease among the international community!

And this is just the beginning. The aftershocks will be no less painful, as the soothing transmissions of your public radio will fall silent. Diversity goals will remain unmeasured. Warning labels unmandated. Entire crops and cutting-edge artist communities will go unsubsidized. Cut off from your precious heroic public servants, you will be forced to helplessly fend for yourselves in the utter chaos of a dystopian unregulated hellscape..." ~The Genius That Is Iowahawk

Heh.

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you and you feel better.





REBUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?





SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.







COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and sells the milk back to you.

You wait in line for hours.

It is expensive and sour.





AMERICAN
CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.



AMERICAN
BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, then pour the milk down the drain.





AMERICAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an initial public offering on the
second one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are
reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.





FRENCH
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.





JAPANESE
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty
times the milk.

They travel with other cows in unbelievably crowded herds.

Most are at the top of the class at cow school.





GERMAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk,
and run a hundred miles an hour.

They demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.





ITALIAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.

While searching of your cows, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.







RUSSIAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.





TALIBAN
CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan which is two.

You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk
production but use the money to buy weapons.





IRAQI
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send audio tapes of their mooing.





POLISH
CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.





BELGIAN

CORPORATION


You have one cow.

The cow is schizophrenic.

Sometimes the cow thinks she is French; other times she thinks she is Flemish.

The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.

The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.

The cow asks to be cut in half.

The cow dies happy.






FLORIDA
CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking cow.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for
the black one.

Some people vote for both

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the
best looking cow.





CALIFORNIA

CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They all make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegal.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Where Do You Put Your Hot Dog Waste?

Lexington's New Trash Cans from Brian Sprinkle on Vimeo.

Heh

You Might Be A Taliban If...

I think this is credited to Jeff Foxworthy, but it came via my email... Heh.

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

11. your cousin is president of the United States.

Heh