Three (?) men and a baby

Poor Anna Nicole was reviled
As grand dame of the girls who've gone wild.
Now, her fortune at stake,
The Savant has to make
An admission: "I fathered her child!"

‘Fathers’ battle for Anna’s little girl
Tony Allen-Mills, The sunday Times, 2/11/07

Daredevil claims bad rap

Though whatever the jurors believe'll
Determine the fate of Kanyevel ®,
It's a mighty big leap
To say Kanye's a creep
Who's intentions toward Evel were evil.

Kanye made me look evil - Knievel
Paul MacInnes, The Guardian, 12/13/06

The new standard

In Cleveland we're jumping for joy
Now that Heisman belongs to our boy.
For most of those polled
This Buckeye was gold.
Now, all talents are measured on Troy.

He's Cleveland's man, OSU's man, Heisman
Doug Lesmerises, The Plain Dealer, 12/10/06

Belling the cat?

We publish this urgent disclaimer
Of the fellow you knew, once, as Kramer:
If you get in his face,
He could pounce on your race
Like a lion that's turned on his tamer!

In case you miss my point:
It is easy for us to show shock and outrage at the actions of Mel Gibson, George Allen or Michael Richards; but who of us is brave enough to finally bell the cat of racism in our society?

What Lies Beneath
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 11/22/06

If the show fits

Time this running back fully admitted
To the secret of just how he did it.
For those stunned by his act
There's no doubting, in fact,
Emmitt Smith, himself, deftly acquitted.

Any resemblance to any other former running back in the news
is purely intentional but does not merit further comment.

Emmitt Smith Wins ABC's 'Dancing' Title
By Erin Carlson, Associated Press Writer
The Chicago Tribune, 11/16/06

Borat's new suit

Now Borat's been sued by the "scholars"
Whose drunkenness made them name-callers.
They're just two sober gents
Whose Mel Gibson defense
Couldn't possibly be for the dollars.
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Not!

The Savant is not proud to admit (hence, no high five) that he saw the Borat movie over the weekend. Even more embarrassing is that he laughed loudly despite himself even without the producers getting him drunk beforehand.

I am familiar with the Borat character from watching some of the Ali G DVDs, also the product of Sacha Baron Cohen, so I can offer no defense of ignorance. And, while I'm not sure exactly where I stand on Cohen's humor, it has become a guilty pleasure for me. Unlike some comedians who deal in offensive material strictly for the shock value, Cohen usually seems to be making a point about some of our cherished institutions and beliefs. Watching Borat is how I imagine it must have been seeing Lenny Bruce, live, in the 60's: disquieting, outrageous, but often outrageously funny. I can only wish him a better fate.

Frat brothers: It's Borat's fault we said racist remarks
By Meg Kinnard, AP, Chicago Sun-Times, 11/11/06

Enough is enough!

I've had it with this motherf***n' hype
in the motherf***n' media!

Take a concept that’s purely inane,
Then hype it ‘til fans go insane;
And what should be a bomb
Will become a phenom.
Could the sequel be Sharks on a Train ?

'Snakes on a Plane' can't lose
Two stars out of four
By Michael Phillips The Chicago Tribune, 8/18/06

Byron's and Tiger's and Bear's; oh my!

Without any "what ifs" or "shoulds,"
This guy can deliver the goods.
Now that he’s on his game
His opponents seem tame.
Beware; Tiger is out of the woods!

Tiger Finds Way To Exclusive Club
By Michael Wilbon, The Washington Post, 8/21/06

Small wonder

Many hope that there will come a day
Of justice for poor JonBenet;
But who measures the cost
In innocence lost
While such children are put on display?



Suspect Held in Ramsey Slaying
Man, 41, Arrested In Thailand
By T.R. Reid and Spencer S. Hsu
The Washington Post, 8/17/06

My name is Mel and I’m an __________

a. Actor
b. Alcoholic
c. Angry a*hole
d. Anti-Semite
e. All of the above

In ever cynical Hollywood, the response to Mr. Gibson’s latest embarrassment was something less than outrage. One imagines the memo from his agent:

Stop drinking! I’m telling you, Mel.
You know we have movies to sell.
When acting the critic,
Who’s anti-Semitic,
Your Passion has not served you well.

Gibson Arrest Probe Centers on Why Information Was Withheld
Civilian watchdog is investigating whether the actor got special treatment.
After the star was booked, a deputy drove him to his car.
By Richard Winton, Andrew Blankstein and Megan Garvey,
The Los Angeles Times, 8/2/06

Sexy at sixty

[And I don't mean Dubya!]

So much in a package so teeny-
It’s work of a fashion Houdini.
The consummate Gaul!
From nothing atoll,
He conjured the Age of Bikini.



The bikini: Not a brief affair
By Kathryn Westcott, BBC News, 7/5/06

Opie's Day

Ron hopes that more protests explode
When ticket sales start to erode.
It don't take Da Vinci
To know it's a cinch he
Already deciphered that code!

From Hollywood, a Prayer in 'Code'
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 5/19/06

No one expects the NSA

It's your liberty that's being taken
With the database NSA's makin'.
Drill down six degrees
And one easily sees
That al Qaida all called Kevin Bacon.

The Oracle says: Osama bin Laden has a Kevin Bacon number of 3.
Osama bin Laden was in Without Fear or Favor: The Best in Broadcast Journalism (2004) (TV) with Charles Gibson (II)
Charles Gibson (II) was in ABC 2000: The Millennium (1999) (TV) with Jay Leno
Jay Leno was in "Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The" (1992) {(2005-10-12)} with Kevin Bacon




CHATTER: DISPATCHES FROM THE SECRET WORLD
OF GLOBAL EAVESDROPPING
Interview with author, Patrick Radden Keefe

NSA has massive database of Americans' phone calls
By Leslie Cauley, USA TODAY, 5/11/06

Arachnophilia

You can't keep a good city down
With so many claims to renown.
What Web destination
Is best in the nation?
Why, Cleveland, while Spidey's in town!



It's lights, camera, action on Euclid
Spidey crew ready to spin its magic
Julie E. Washington, The Plain Dealer, 4/21/06

Prized Find

You can keep your hip-hop and your punk.
By comparison, all of that's junk.
#1 with a bullet, sir,
And, now, with a Pulitzer;
Give me jazz by Thelonius Monk.

2006 Pulitzer Prize winners
Seattle Post Intelligencer, 4/17/06

Appreciating the gravity of the situation

When the stork brought her bundle of joy,
No one told her he wasn't a toy.
So Brit got confused
When words that they used
Were "Bouncing" and "Baby" and "Boy."

Officials Pay a Visit to Spears
Social workers are called after
the singer's baby falls from a chair.
By Richard Winton, Los Angeles Times, 4/12/06

Chef's return: a dish served cold

He who shafts last, shafts best

Is it tasteful, not even a smidgen,
Using faith like a comic clay pigeon?
We applaud Isaac Hayes
For amending his ways
In defense of his crackpot religion!

Speaking of pigeons, see the Savant's take on another controversy over humor v. religion.

A 'South Park' Character's Return Becomes an Opportunity for Revenge
By Alessandra Stanley, The New York Times, 3/24/06

Freyed Oprah tears into "Pieces"

Who'd ya think you were fooling, ya dope ya,
By treating the truth as a trope! The
Real price, Mr. Frey,
To be paid for your lie,
Is the fact there's no messing with Oprah.

Now, if she'd only take on Bush!

Live on 'Oprah,' a Memoirist Is Kicked Out of the Book Club
By Edward Wyatt, The New York Times, 1/27/06

Pointing the way

After Sunday's career eighty-one,
Kobe stunned all his critics, bar none.
"I'm just self-reliant,
Not selfish," says Bryant
"And won't wilt 'til the record's outdone."

With 81 Points, Kobe Crushes Critics
ABC News, 1/23/06

Globe trotter

Each year, at this time, movie's hordes
Come to Holly wood like it was Lourdes.
I wish I could quit you
But have to know which you
Will bless with those shiny awards.

Globe wins establish `Brokeback Mountain' as Oscar favorite
David Germain, Miami Herald, 1/17/06