The Last Day (a 5 minute post)

A lot going on here!

Last week we took a 31 hour "vacation" which somehow amazingly felt like a vacation, despite its brevity.  Involved checking out a quirky little town about 75 minutes from home, arcade, restaurants, swimming pool (for me and Tiny Boy), aerial park (for kids, not me).  LG drove, which was novel.

I had a "final" book manuscript due to publisher on Monday.  It was submitted close to 9 pm, which was about 4 hours later than I would have liked, but it was still done on the deadline.

LG is moving out tomorrow.  I am currently sitting in my car in a parking lot waiting for LG to finish a driving lesson....and they take the driving test at a different facility in 75 minutes.  There is still much packing to do.  I am having big feelings about all this.

The upshot of the aforementioned is that I am basically ignoring my job, though truly there's not much to do, as I'm on research leave and the semester hasn't properly started.  Mostly it's a lot of email regarding the scheduling of meetings, and transition out of my admin role.

Life on Sunday is going to look so different.  If any of you have college-aged or adult children, please feel free to lay your tips on me!  Truly uncharted territory here.

A Five-Minute Late April Update

It's been a while.  Where did I leave off? 

• LG: college acceptance, job offer, lease on a first apartment (in lieu of dorm in the fall), tattoo, puppeteer in final production through children's theater.  They seem generally happier than they were as a high school student. We are watching Russian Doll together when they are home early enough to do so.
• Tiny Boy: has a new 504 plan for ADHD-related writing issues (to concretize some things his teacher was already doing). Doing well in school.  Enjoying the late-pandemic masked indoor playdate.  Begins sex ed in a couple weeks, which prompted me finding a book that includes subjects like infertility, pregnancy loss, and IVF. (Yay!) Some behavioral issues I don't feel like going into right now :)
• Me: counting down the days until I am no longer directing my program.  
• This week's highlight: LG called the fire department when they were home alone and the kitchen developed a mysterious burny smell completely unrelated from cooking.  The fire department verified the smell but not any heat in the wall.  Eventually we figured out it was the fridge.  So yesterday involved procuring a mini fridge, bringing salvageable freezer food to neighbors, while I explore real fridge options.
• I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO SHOP FOR APPLIANCES THE LAST WEEK OF THE SEMESTER.
• Ahem.  
• But I am quite glad to be at the point of the semester that I can truly wrap up.  

Post as a Five Minute Break

I had today the unexpected gift of a cancelled meeting (a long one: two hours plus the ~30 min it would have taken to prep).

I've been trying to track my time this week, mostly to see if there are any times that I'm not using systematically enough.  (Spoiler alert: I suck at time tracking, because in order to do so effectively I'd need to get really granular.  Like 10-15 minute increments.  And doing so would take way too much time.)  But because of this project, I didn't just proceed with my day but really thought:  I have the gift of two hours.  What will I do with it?

I drove with LG to campus, instead of having LG take the bus, so they could practice driving.  (This was only about 20 minutes).  I read a grad student's dissertation chapter that's been languishing on my computer for about a month.  I did more of my morning "reading around" than I usually do.

It's not just that I had the gift of this time, but it's on a day that I have no other meetings scheduled.  That means I now have 3 hours until Tiny Boy comes home....to get caught up on All The Things. (At least some of the things!)  Found time really is the best.

End of Summer: A 5-minute RBOC

• The decluttering project has been marvelously successful.  All the BIG things of Tiny Boy's that haven't been used in eons have left our house, either via freecycle or, even easier, the dump-outside-on-the-curb method.  I am now going through the non-toy clutter in the basement, some of which I intended to give away pre-pandemic but our community didn't have its usual recycling day (when you can get rid of old electronics, etc.)  Some of what feels like "clutter" could actually be solved by appropriate organizational systems I never set up in this house (like our sheets don't fit in the linen closet here, so they are piled up in my bedroom closet because extra space there, but would a shelving system help? [yes, probably])
• We took a 4.5 day trip last week and that was just perfect.  I had a gin and tonic at the hotel bar while reading a novel and the kids hung out in the room watching screens.  I only threatened to cut the trip short once when Tiny Boy was being particularly difficult and not wanting to do anything that anyone else wanted to do.
• I'm easing back into work.  It's been such a good summer in so many small ways (not the WORLD IS ON FIRE WTF sort of ways) I'm reluctant to give it up.  But you know: job, money, yeah.
• I have had too many doctor's appointments lately, including a mammogram, endocrinologist, rheumatologist, primary care, with a shit ton of follow up (blood work, ultrasound) and I'm a bit post-infertility triggery about all this but mostly I resent the time and aging and having my body fall apart.  Sigh.

RBOC: A 5-Minute Post

• I'm writing this with a spare few minutes between one kid pick up and the other, while Tiny Boy is also on his screen.  It's raining and gloomy.  But I'm feeling okay, all things considered.
• This having almost full childcare again?  Pretty amazing.  This week is a 4-day camp week, with Friday off.  The other days LG leaves at 7:05 am for the community college (via a walk to the bus stop); I take Tiny Boy to camp this week at 8:45 and leave again to pick him up at 3:55 (camp is walkable from our house, but it doesn't make sense to use that time for a cranky walk with a child.  LG could take the bus home but I'm okay picking up....which happens just around 5:00 pm.  During the day, I can work on all the things I want to work on in relative quiet.  I'm seeing friends for lunch (!) or walks or having uninterrupted zoom meetings with collaborators.  In the evenings I can read or putter or hang out with kids.  
• I'm making progress on a book project, slowly but steadily enough that it will be turned in to our editor next week, which feels really good.
• I have had a list of phone calls to make that I've been putting off because I don't like this sort of work, but I finally sat down in a comfy chair this afternoon with the phone and my calendar.  Almost everything is now checked off the list. I scheduled myself for another massage (yay!), air conditioner tune up, looked up info for contractor to install new garage door, verified that I had indeed booked us for hotel room in August as the confirmation email never came through, etc etc.
• Tonight I think we'll watch a movie (all the rain!) and maybe have local take out?  Hmmm.
• Time's up!

A Five-Minute RBOC Post

• New dishwasher should be installed tomorrow, fingers crossed.  Apparently it is IMPOSSIBLE to buy a Bosch right now.  Like, they are so backordered they won't sell more.  I ended up finding a Kitchenaid online that I ordered through our local Best Buy.  One thing I noticed in my in-person encounters is that Kitchenaid racks slide out much more smoothly.  I have one now that came with my house, so it feels familiar.  Also, FWIW, Best Buy had much more in stock options than Home Depot or Lowe's.
• I attempted a time tracking exercise and lasted two days, as my work time was simply a list of interruptions.  Every 10 minutes.  This is a vast improvement from the ~4 minutes before Ritalin but it is still impossible.  Theoretically our schools are opening mid-Feb, and I cannot wait.  High school plan is still up in the air; I wonder if it's possible to send LG for art and orchestra and stay home for subjects they do easily online (math, science, history).  
• I've been doing a modified Whole 30 since Jan 1, and I've lost about 3/3.5 pounds of the 5 I'd like to lose to get back to my pre-pandemic/pre-menopause high.  Very happy about this, because I'm not feeling like I'm missing much.  I will have a cocktail/champaign the night of the inauguration which is also the night of my first day of class.  Otherwise I'm refraining from alcohol/sugar/all grains except popcorn.  I'm eating vegetables with every meal.  Seems to be working.
• Theoretically I am taking today to (1) edit and submit a manuscript and (2) take care of stupid household stuff.  Like, running to the bank and also making phone calls on the order of "why is my Flex Spending card not working?"
• Finally, a question:  do any of you dear readers own (and like) a treadmill of the under $1000 sort?  I need to explore this but really can't stomach the idea of spending that much on a piece of gym equipment I hope not to need on the regular after April or so...

Exhausted but Alive: A Five-Minute Post

 I noticed I hadn't posted here in more than two weeks, so here's a quick rundown:

• We had a major cat emergency last week with one of the little guys (okay, not actually little--11+ lbs--but only one year old).  Involved driving more than an hour for care, daily visits with different local clinics, and desperately close to ICU with feeding tube or euthanasia.  (He hadn't eaten literally in six days.)  I will write more later.  Suffice to say:  appetite stimulant + steroids + anti-nausea meds + pain killers + fluids = much improved.  Too close of a call.
• Tent school (which is now sunroom/screened porch school) is going pretty well.  The major issue is the "teacher" who has three days per week (my kid's friend's father) is, per Tiny Boy, the worst of the three of us.  We have regular staff meetings in the yard.  It's pretty sweet, actually.
• Synchronous learning for Tiny Boy is going better, after a talk with his teacher and some streamlining of on-and-off the computer for him.  She's cut out three (!) of his morning transitions.
• Online teaching for me is not as completely horrible as I thought but it is also a completely different beast and I really don't like it.  Today I'm holding office hrs in a university garden because I need to see these people.  (Also need to pick up some books anyway, so I'll just fill out the form, put on my mask, and go.)
• I bought a sampler pack of pens and learned some things about myself.  It turns out I really like the pen I was using all along (Unibal Signo 207 Micro).  Sarah, turning me on to Jetpens was probably not a good idea. 
  
  
  

A Preview of the Year (A 5-minute post)

 Well, I interrupt my morning "work time" to bring you this, as I just submitted an essay (2 weeks before the deadline!!!!).  My breakfast is warming up.  Tiny Boy is currently at the dining room table on his morning meeting, with headphones on (AMEN).  I am in the kitchen.  In the past 90 minutes there has only been one epic tantrum that required (a) a child going out on to the screen porch to cry and (b) me rebooting the computer (his class uses google meets, and he keeps getting booted out).

I have not yet finalized a childcare plan.  My post to care.com didn't net much worth pursuing (at least not yet).  Hiring a teen seems like a viable possibility.  And our neighbors, with whom Tiny Boy has been having social distanced playdates, are talking about pitching a large tent so the kids can work together in the afternoon (she's one grade level higher) with the three adults making a schedule for supervision.  The issue there is a joint custody situation making schedule erratic.  Some combo might be viable, at least while it's warm.  When it gets cold....I feel like indoor masked is going to be the new normal.

All this is to say it really sucks, but it could be much worse.

A Five Minute Post for June

• This hays been in some ways a good week for work.  I had a small weird thing picked up by an online journal I admire with a very quick turnaround; a chapbook I thought was being published very late 2019/early 2020 is being printed (!) and I just love the cover design.  I'm making headway on projects.
• It's also feeling like the summer is over, which is ridiculous, but I go back to work in less than two months, and I wanted to accomplish ALL THE THINGS.  Instead I will have to settle for some of the things done moderately well.
• I reread 123 Magic, which I hadn't looked at since LG was a kid, and I tried it on Tiny Boy, and holy shit, I need to remember that!!!!!  I just ordered the teen version because OMG parenting a teen is going to kill me, and that's only slightly hyperbolic.
• I started taking magnesium supplements because I have many of the symptoms of low magnesium and I thought it can't hurt.  And there's either a huge placebo effect or it actually works.  I'll give it a bit longer to conduct a real study.
• I seriously need to purchase blackout shades.  Lately the cat has taken to standing right next to me at 6 am to get me to feed her, which doesn't happen until closer to 7 when it's winter.

I have more to say but the five minute timer went off.  Back to real work, y'all.

Setting Limits, Saying No

I have reached--passed--a limit of responsibilities (work, kid, house) that I can handle.  I am now practicing the Art of No.  Things I have refused or minimized recently:

• A student who asked yesterday if I could direct a senior project.  I told her--truthfully--I'm maxed out on the number of projects I can responsibly oversee.  I then walked her through the spring course schedule to give her alternatives.
• Attending a committee meeting for a committee I have a vague recollection of saying I could be on but wasn't ever notified about.  I wrote the chair to say I could attend only the first part of the meeting (that old 70% plan).  I could make myself available for the whole time, but really that's already 40 minutes I had allotted for other things.  Like grading, which I will probably do at the meeting.
• Assembling a faculty meeting for my program.  Delayed until AFTER I MOVE MY HOUSEHOLD.
• Picking up LG from after school activities.  The high school is a reasonable walking distance in good weather (about 1.3 miles).  I am losing way too much time driving kids here there and everywhere.

I'm sure there are others, but I've maxed out my allotted time on this post.

Working in the Small

I can sometimes trick myself into doing things I don't want to do--and getting more done--by working in the small bits of time.  Like, doing my dishes in the two minutes during which I am also heating water for tea.  Or, commenting on two student poems in the moments before LG's orchestra concert.  Commenting on all my students work takes a fair amount of time (two hours, if I'm going at a really fast clip and focused and narrowed on what I want to say, but usually more than that) but if I can do two here and two there, well, eventually they get done without me really ever sitting down to do them.  Sometimes I remind myself of this "strategy."

These are the bits of time, otherwise, 'wasted,' that Brigid Schulte calls "time confetti" that some time management folks argue could be captured for 'leisure,' but anything that happens that fast isn't really relaxing in any meaningful way.  Which isn't to say there's no value in taking a five-minute break to feed ducks, or pet a cat, or read a poem, or whatever.  I do that, too.  But I'd rather schedule my leisure in big gulps.

All the Plans

I'm interested in all these planning posts, up at SHU's and Xykademiqz's and Undine's.  I could probably write half a book on this, but I'm limiting my comments to what I can write in five minutes.  Because. Overwhelmed. Overworked. Yeah.

One of the issues that's been raised is the connection between one's personality type and one's planning tendencies.  Interesting, to be sure.  (For the record, I'm an INFJ.  Extreme on the I, heavy on N, middling on the F, J has varied over my life.)  I like writing things down.  A lot.  But I also have to do items that I carry over from week to week to week (and sometimes months and months); these are always the home items, or the career items (like, you know, promoting books I have written that are now languishing in my closet.  I was supposed to do something with those postcards?!  Ahem.)

I keep a Moleskine planner currently that has four pages for a week (one blank, one with a goals/to do sheet, two for daily schedule).  I'm finding I really like this.  I use the blank one to keep notes and reflect on what's happened in a week, the to do list for my overview, and the daily for hourly things, including meals, fun stuff, work meetings, writing projects, etc.  Other than meetings and things that MUST happen, I tend to pencil things in, knowing it will change, but I want the basic architecture of the week written out.  Like, I know that tomorrow I have a lunch date with a friend who has moved back to the state after three years away (yay!!).  That has a time attached.  Morning will be writing on my big semester project and drafting a conference abstract.  Afternoon will involve making a midterm exam (ugh), commenting on more student writing.  I'd like to get to the gym, or take a walk.  These are fluid but need to happen at some point before Wednesday.

I cannot bring myself to track my time again.  I did this back during the hellscape of 2009-2011 when I was tracking every aspect of my life.  Boy did infertility suck.  But you know, it was sort of easier (ahem) having one kid who slept like 12 hrs per night as opposed to my current set up which compresses my time on all ends.  (Yes, it's now 10:01 and LG is still awake and I'd like to go to bed now).

[Well, that's all I had time for in 5 minutes.  I want to say more.  Maybe tomorrow.]

First Week(s) of 2018

Well, the beginning of the year--and the beginning of the semester--smacked into me hard.  The short version:  we had the dead cat situation, left for Chicago, and were stuck there several days due to SNOW (not the bomb cyclone, or whatever, just ordinary lake-effect, undrivable snow [days later, when we were able to pass, we saw 18!!!! semis/cars stranded in snowbanks on the side of the highway]) and because I was trying to take a break had deliberately left all work stuff at home, including my laptop, which made prepping for the first day of class somewhat challenging (no books!  no notes from previous semesters!  no scrawled up syllabi!).

So I did at least manage to distribute syllabus and do my usual beginning routines, but now we're day two, and I have yet to get stuff up on our course management system, and will be going into two classes again today somewhat less than prepared.  Fortunately, these are books I can mostly talk about off the cuff based on old notes, but ARGH. 

My five minutes are up.  More soon.

This Weekend (A Five-Minute Post)

This weekend has been pretty good.  For the next five minutes (during which time I will draft this post!) I have my usual Sun afternoon babysitter.  She has not been as reliable as I need--she backed out several hours before I needed to be on campus the other day--so I should probably look into alternatives.  But that would also take time I do not have.

Friday night:  I walked to get Tiny Boy around 5:15 pm.  I'd thought we'd go out to dinner but the kids did not want to (?!) so I ended up making fried rice out of the dregs of our fridge, which turned out okay.  Tiny Boy watched TV and destroyed the living room.  After he fell asleep, LG and I watched Will and Grace, while I drank a glass of wine.

Saturday:  I slept until 8, if you don't count the cats waking me for food and LG's alarm going off (WTF!) at 6:45.  I took Tiny Boy to Burger King, thinking I'd be able to do about an hour of work while he played...this was moderately successful.  After lunch, I took him to our local children's museum, where he played happily for about two hours, while LG went out with friends. We met up around 4:30, at which time I used her for free childcare to take a walk, and then went out to dinner (Mediterranean).  After Tiny Boy went to bed I read (course prep) and watched a bit of a movie.  Had trouble falling asleep and ended up taking another Lunesta (my prescription is written for up to 3 mg, in 1 mg increments, as I have mostly weaned myself to 1 mg).

Sunday:  The kid's alarm went off early again.  I fed cats, let Tiny Boy go downstairs, and dozed until 8.  There was a lost hour of trying to do meal planning (unsuccessfully) and email and such.  At 9:30 Tiny Boy and I went to the gym, where we walked around the track and then I deposited him in the "kids club" so I could walk more and do some planning for the week.  We then went to Whole Foods (this has become our Sunday ritual).  Came home.  Drove LG to a friend's house.  Found a friend for Tiny Boy...while I cooked*! and laundry!  and started doing school work! 

There is still much I haven't done....and my five-minutes is up!



* Pumpkin-banana-chocolate muffins, cinnamon ice cream, roasted veggies, celery top pesto.

Random Bullets While LG Is Showering (a 5-minute-post)

• On the technology:  I bought LG and I both Tracfone "smartphones," for which I have paid the minimum $20/3 months.   I've made it very clear it's not for long conversation.  Or real internet use. Just emergencies and WiFi on occasion.  It has not changed my world.  All it's done is prove to me how much I hate phones and the cultures surrounding phones.  You will never ever catch me checking my email on it.  But the Poetry Foundation has a cool app.
• I love love love my students this semester.  It's the kind of class that makes me think I might have the best job in the world.
• I'm reading Anne Marie Slaughter's book.  And other than the fact that it's completely heteronormative, I think it's super smart.
• I'm also reading Rebecca Solnit's The Faraway Nearby and, for class, Robin Coste Lewis's Voyage of the Sable Venus.
• I read Josh Davis's Two Awesome Hours yesterday (okay, read isn't the right verb) in less than two hours, and while much of what it had to say was completely obvious to me, I really like his point about decision points between tasks and making the conscious choice to tell yourself "I'm deciding to do X."
• I made the easiest ever chicken curry the other day.  And while it is far from authentic, it had the flavor profile I was going for and made me very happy.  LG has taken leftovers for lunch two days running.
• Oh yeah, and LG is taking the SAT next month because she wants to apply to a gifted program run out of my department.  She's not quite twelve.  How is this POSSIBLE?!

(time's up!)