Evening Routines (Redux)

I've been thinking about my own night routines and what could be tweaked, partly after reading BJ Fogg's book Tiny Habits, which I so enjoyed, and partly because as we're re-emerging from strict pandemic lockdown life and as my kids are aging, my evenings might look different than they have for a while.

For the first time probably since LG was born I have time in the evening that is generally mine.  The amount of time varies, partly depending on what the kids have going on and if I need to be involved in it.  But it occurred to me I should think more strategically about how I'd like to use evening time so I don't just end up watching TV (not that I think there's anything wrong with TV! I could just do other stuff TOO).

Some things I would like to make more time for:

• Doing art.  I like doing paper collage type stuff but sometimes forget that.  I also took a weaving class recently and loved it.  Again, need to remember that's a thing I can do, even with a few minutes to spare.  I want to think about having an "art night" that I can just schedule on the calendar, whether that involves doing art as a class or on my own.
• Doing puzzles, with or without kid involvement.  This works better when we can leave a puzzle out which is challenging with the cats.  I'm looking into puzzle furniture options.
• Reading for "fun," though this is mixed, as I read so much for work that sometimes I just don't want to read a novel because it's not "fun."
• Taking walks in the evening, either outside or on the treadmill (I climbed Mt Fuji on my treadmill courtesy of a video!).
• Evening adventure with Tiny Boy (like going to campus and feeding ducks)

The challenge for me is (a) remembering that I do have this time to use for 'leisure' and (b) matching the activity to the amount of time, the energy, and the kid context (like, I might have time to do a yoga video but that's not going to go great if Tiny Boy is jumping around the living room and honking on various horns.  I swear).

For those of you who have similar pockets of non-kid down time, even if only 15-30 min, how do you remember to make good use of it?

I Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Pre-Fall Pandemic Angst

The last week of camp (and therefore childcare) AMAZING.  I picked up a happy kid four days in a row, with only the most minor complaints about safety (i.e. the day it was raining and they had to eat indoors--distanced, I've gathered--Tiny Boy still didn't want to take his mask off and therefore didn't eat much lunch).  I signed him up for the third (and final) four day week, which will bring us to the "school year."  It occurred to me that it's likely if there is a COVID exposure, it's likely we'd know this toward the end of camp, or even after camp.  So I will charge forward.  In all the conversations about school opening, I'm not hearing enough, frankly, about the psychological ramifications of keeping young children home with stressed out working parents and endless screentime.  Schools NEED to be open, at least for some kids (to this point, it looks like our usual before-and-after program might be opening a school-day facility in the community center to supervise online learning.  I'm on the fence but did request more info).

This has also been a week of socially distanced gatherings for me, including cocktails with a colleague who lives in my hood, family dinner with friends we've had since LG was in preschool (single mother by divorce) and their teen suggested a school "bubble" for the two of them (yes, please), badminton gathering with another colleague + her spouse who have been friends since my grad school days, and today blueberry picking with a single friend I've had for eons.  This is A LOT of socialization for me but there will be very little once the semester hits.  Other than the masks and the need to sit halfway across a yard from people, this is pretty great.

In these last weeks, I'm also trying to check off domestic tasks on my list, like organizing the basement (aka stack of crates from when we moved in) because given the amount of time spent in the home, it is helpful overall to my mental state to have an organized home.  (Method:  I started with a 30 day challenge courtesy of the interwebs, and then deleted tasks irrelevant to my home and added the necessary ones.)

I'm also spending what feels like a lot of money on semi-necessary things, like new sheets (all but one set has holes from cats), a toaster oven (I spent too long looking at fancy ones before LG reminded me that we like ours, it's just ancient and no longer works, so therefore we have a new 4 slice Black and Decker for under $40), school/office supplies, and books.  But since I've been saving money in the form of childcare, gym membership, and monthly massages I think it all comes out pretty even...

Off to get ready for the blueberry farm!!

Working in the Small

I can sometimes trick myself into doing things I don't want to do--and getting more done--by working in the small bits of time.  Like, doing my dishes in the two minutes during which I am also heating water for tea.  Or, commenting on two student poems in the moments before LG's orchestra concert.  Commenting on all my students work takes a fair amount of time (two hours, if I'm going at a really fast clip and focused and narrowed on what I want to say, but usually more than that) but if I can do two here and two there, well, eventually they get done without me really ever sitting down to do them.  Sometimes I remind myself of this "strategy."

These are the bits of time, otherwise, 'wasted,' that Brigid Schulte calls "time confetti" that some time management folks argue could be captured for 'leisure,' but anything that happens that fast isn't really relaxing in any meaningful way.  Which isn't to say there's no value in taking a five-minute break to feed ducks, or pet a cat, or read a poem, or whatever.  I do that, too.  But I'd rather schedule my leisure in big gulps.

Letting Go

It's Tuesday, and I haven't yet made my to do list for the week.  It pretty much boils down to (1) write, (2) keep my kids alive, (3) move forward with the home repair.  Of course these are all multi-part projects, with many moving parts.  There's a lot that's not getting done.  I'm spending a lot of time worrying about LG, for reasons I'd rather not talk about, even here.  I have moments of complete paralysis.  I'm also making some choices about things I'm not doing, including

• planting annuals (I like the way they look, but that's one more thing to maintain)
• any yard work in my backyard (it's completely out of control, and I need to hire someone to do big things, so I'll end up spending $1000 or so to weed and re-mulch the whole thing [there's no grass]; once I made that decision it seems pretty obvious that I'm not being charged per weed, so why bother doing anything right now)
• going to LG's away softball games (I go to the home games)
• giving a shit about how much TV Tiny Boy watches (to a point)

I'm acknowledging that I have a finite amount of time and energy.  I'm trying to not beat myself up about what's not getting done and focusing on what is.

*

I'm also still experimenting with mixing up writing times/places.  I managed to produce about 500 words in my actual office on campus, but it was painful, and I don't really want to do that anymore.  I also ran into my department chair, and now she wants to have a talk.  Oy.

*

Working over the Summer

Technically I'm five weeks into summer break.  In some ways, I've enjoyed the change of pace that comes with summer:  I'm deliberately picking up the kids on the early side, so we can spend more time together in the evenings; I'm watching more TV/movies; I'm puttering around the kitchen and trying things out (cilantro pesto, from my own garden!); I'm doing art* (not a lot--like 15 minutes here and there, but it's enough to feel like a change).  And though it doesn't feel like it sometimes on a daily basis, I'm getting work done: I've finished and submitted an article; I've made all first round revisions for book ms for July 1 deadline (waiting on collaborator and then I need to revisit); I've written toward my new project almost daily, though I'm still figuring out its shape.

But the whole committee thing?  Well, I've worked on it for five weeks beyond my contract.**  Yes, I am literally not getting paid to be attacked by a colleague, to write 47 rejection letters, to correspond with those still in the running, to manage numerous behind-the-scenes email conversations, etc.  It's weighed on me emotionally in addition to taking up my time.  Yes, I'm more than a bit resentful, and desperately hoping that, having submitted final committee report yesterday, I'm off the hook.  The one great thing is that my dept chair acknowledged this work in my annual review letter, so at least there's a record.

What that means in practical terms is there's a lot of my summer plan that hasn't happened that needs to get on the agenda.  Some of it's small, like buying a rug for the porch and finishing it so we can use it as an art room (this might be one of my best ideas ever) and some of it's larger, like going through four years of photos on various devices and organizing them.

I'm going, again, on three hours of sleep*** so not at my best, but still it's 10:00 and I've already done my minimum daily writing, so yay.  Now I'm going to read a hot-off-the-presses novel by a grad school chum and take some notes from books that need to go back to the library.  Then a walk, some domestic work, some more writing, pick up kids and head to LG's softball game (apparently she has some "innate skill" that did not come from me.  Kind of like her singing voice.  who knew?).  More later, y'all.



* mostly decoupage type stuff on containers.  I completely understand Tiny Boy's sentiment:  "I just want to cut things."  Mod-podge rocks.

**the perception that professors have summer "off"?  Yeah, doing the research one needs to do to get promoted while not getting paid is just grand.

*** I weaned myself almost all the way off Lunesta--this was a slow process--but clearly that's not a good plan.  At least twice a week I am awake by 2:00-3:00, and this is only about 50% Tiny Boy's fault.  Last night I gave him melatonin late (because I forgot) and he slept past 6:00 for the first time in a long time.  Going to try that again and see if it's more than a coincidence.

Random Bullets of Summer So Far

I did not mean to drop off the face of the planet.  Although the pace has slowed (yay for summer!) there's still quite a lot going on.  In brief:

• My job has not gone away.  I ended up having a good (generous, helpful) conversation with my dean about the high drama.  He came up with a strategy to deal with the immediate problem, though I suspect we'll need to have another conversation about long term implications.  His door is open, though, and that's really all I could ask for.
• Day 1 of interviewing for this position is done.  I just wrote 13 rejection letters (there's about 40 left to go...and this is for a one year gig--this is the sorry state of my profession).  One of them made me really sad to write, and if I were really in charge I wouldn't have needed to write it (this guy has multiple books out and is applying for one year gigs--again, this is the sorry state of my profession).
• Looks like my co-edited collection (in the works since Tiny Boy was about 10 pounds) might actually get a contract.  I've been chipping away at revisions, which I have promised the editor by early July.  Very exciting, as it really is a project I believe in and believe should be out in the world, even if working on it has been an utter pain in my ass.
• LG is enjoying softball.  Tiny Boy and I have been having a lot of picnics during softball practice.  This is a good thing.
• I have been devouring Orphan Black which is not so good for my sleep.  Soon I will run out of Orphan Black episodes to watch and I will force myself to go to sleep at 10:00.
• I am contemplating getting a membership at a local athletic club.  The monthly fee is higher than I would like, but not so much so if I stop going to my regular yoga class (which I was contemplating anyway).  This would be a major life change that requires more analysis than I am capable of on minimal sleep.
• I've had three (?) days in the past week or so that have royally sucked from the sleep angle (both the variety where I can't fall asleep until like two and conversely the variety where I wake up at like two, neither of which amounts to much).  I think there's probably a hormonal component here, beyond the stress and Orphan Black components--perimenopause sucks--so I will get myself back on prometrium and see if that helps.  Thankfully Tiny Boy is still mostly sleeping (last night he was the reason I woke up at just past three) but it's still no fun.

Updates at the Beginning of Summer (For Real)

Well, after my book request post, I mostly took the week off.  The days sort of blur together at this point, although I know on Monday I got my hair cut and watched 1.5 movies (Creed and Carol), Tuesday I lost the middle chunk of the day watching my friend A's daughter who was home sick, Wednesday I'd been awake since 3:00 due to Tiny Boy relocating about 15 times in the middle of the night.  Over the course of the week I finished reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project (I'd read it before, but the time felt right) and Everything I Never Told You.  I made strawberry cupcakes and banana bread.  On Friday I assembled an old-school reel push lawnmower, because we've lived in our house for almost 11 years and we've never had a lawnmower (I have mostly borrowed our neighbor's, and paid for lawn service last year); while our lawn is so tiny it's 5 minutes of work, the needing to ask the neighbor was stressing me out.  I also started a summer work plan, which isn't solidified because our vacation plan isn't solidified (involves other humans), but I was pleased to see it wasn't insanely long.

One thing I wasn't planning on doing was just added back because that co-edited project I've been working on for four (?) years came back with a fantastic review, but there's some work we still need to do on it before it can proceed to contract (but it sounds like it will proceed to contract, so yay!). It's the amount of work I think I could do solo in a couple weeks, but will probably take longer due to collaborative nature of the project.

Anyway, this is good news, because I've been encouraged by both my department chair and a senior colleague in another dept who is turning out to be something of a mentor to go up for promotion in the next year or two.

And then came Friday...my dept chair wanted to talk, which I don't like doing on the phone, so I went to work (I needed to get some stuff anyway).  Turns out my insane junior colleague sent an email to our dean--I didn't read it, but I got a glance while my chair was summarizing, and it was quite long--in which she alleged I was "microaggressive" toward her.  On the one hand, the racial politics of this is so ridiculous I feel like I'm in a David Mamet play.  (This is not to question the very real issues of racism in American universities, or even potentially on my own campus.  But good lord.  Most of the writers I teach are women and/or writers of color.  All but one of the student interns I've hired have been women and/or students of color.  I write and teach about issues of race.  Etc Etc Etc.)  On the other, this is how operates, and I should have seen it coming.  Any disagreement--and of course we're going to have disagreement--is not about intellectual, aesthetic, pedagogical or any other issue--is because she is a person of color and junior, and I'm white and senior.  She's been doing this for two years, and it's the major reason I'm quitting my [admin] job.  The only thing new here is contacting the dean instead of going after me directly.  

I'm not sure what I'm going to do here, or what I can do, but I sent an email to my chair--after taking xanax and drinking probably more vodka than I needed--saying I need to step off the particular committee in question, even though that will mean more work for someone else.   I think really that's the only thing I can do, which is also stupid, because she wins.  But no matter what I do she wins.  That's the way she's structured this game, which, I think, really has to do with the fact that she hasn't published what she needs to publish for tenure (maybe because all her energy goes into writing nasty emails--no I'm not the only recipient, and most recently she's gone after another woman of color, and our dept secretary, who has no power whatsoever--instead of working on her book.)   So I've also contacted our "faculty excellence advocate" who deals with these sorts of issues, and happens to be the mentor mentioned above.

It looks like instead of starting summer writing projects tomorrow, I'm at least partially going to be dealing with this.  Oy.

Summer Plans

My students turned in final projects today.  My plan is to turn grades in on Friday, which means fitting them around meetings or giving up my morning writing time, which feels likely at this point.  I have a massage scheduled for 2:30 tomorrow (amen!) and it would be really awesome to be done by then.  I'll see.

Although student-related projects will be done soon, this semester will drag on for a few more weeks, due to the search committee and some other smaller administrative projects.  I did, however, tell my chair I'm done as of December.  I said I might be willing to come back again, but that's dependent on personnel issues (i.e. if my crazy colleague gets another job and leaves, or doesn't get tenure and leaves, I'm happy to reprise my role).  In the meantime, I'm applying for a different admin position...I don't know that I'd want it if offered it, and I suspect that there's already someone in mind, but writing a letter of intent felt like a good thing to do.

*

All this is to say that I haven't done the summer planning I usually enjoy doing.  I've put some movies  (i.e. Oscar nominated films) on hold at the library, and they'll trickle in over the summer, so that's a plan related to leisure.  I'd also like to do art in a more strategic way (making art supplies more accessible might be an obvious way to do this?).  And I think I want to take a barre class and see how that feels.  I'll take the kids on a couple trips (at least one smaller trip to see family and to celebrate nephew's first birthday, a weekend/driving trip involving the beach, and something involving the extended family).  I'll read some books (I feel like maybe starting a book club again might be something to do?) but haven't figured out a reading list (I have a long backlog!).

For work, I have two smaller projects that need to be completed immediately (an essay that was solicited that is in messy draft stage, and edits on an essay accepted for publication) both due May 15.  And then I want to pick up the book projects related to the grant I have for next spring.  I'd like to be able to use the grant time in a focused way, so hopefully this summer I can deal with the what-the-fuck-am-I-doing messy second draft sorts of questions.  Mapping out a weekly plan is critical, but before I get there I think I need to figure out camp-and-travel schedule so I know how many work weeks I actually have.

And before all this work happens, I need to take a week off.  And just clean my house and cook stuff and veg out.  Because you know, summer (even if I still need to wear a winter coat).

Waking Up, or, Life on the Other Side

(I wrote a draft of this, and it was great I tell you, and then hit some key and it disappeared into the ether!  Argh!)

The gist of it was I had an epiphany yesterday, one of those that I have cyclically and then forget about, probably because it goes against a cultural dominant.  Even as I'm making--and dreading--my "to do list" it occurs to me that those "to dos" are my LIFE.

Perhaps it's because all the big things I've worked for in my adult life I've accomplished.  And at the moment I have no big WANT that's fueling me, just the sense that I am where I need to be.  And past the crisis mode of infertility/high risk pregnancy and the make-it-through-the-day mode of baby/toddlerhood and sleep deprivation.  It's time to actually thrive.  I mean, Tiny Boy is 4!  LG is almost 12!!!

Nothing is urgent, which makes everything feel urgent.  But really, what would happen, for example, if I decided to not check email AT ALL over the remainder of winter break?  Probably not much.

*

I'm writing this here, because this is really as close to a journal as I get.  Although there are many things I'd like to accomplish and "goals" I have for the year, I'll list here only what I'd like to do in the next few weeks.  I'm reluctant to call them "goals"; perhaps areas of focus or dedication?  (Life is not a business.  And although there is much good advice to be found in books about 'productivity,' I'm not sure that productivity is what we should aspire to.)  Anyway:

Self:  establish regular exercise regimen/daily yoga practice.  This is tricky, due to the cold/snow/ice where I live.  After a lot of deliberation I'll spare you (though I'd be happy to answer any questions about my thought process!), I'm trying out "YogaGlo" online and might also try an online barre class.

Family: spend one-on-one time with my kids.  This is something I have mostly always done, but I'd like to think strategically about it (talked about this some in my last post).

Work:  establish more regular reading habits (I do read, but I'd like this to be more systematic.) One small change I'm going to implement is reading on paper before sitting down to write for the day.

*

I'll probably say more about this process as it goes.  Now I need to go check some things off the list live my life.

New Years Resolutions, Themes, and All the Plans

I've been reading with interest as the bloggers I read put up their annual review posts, and those detailing goals and/or themes for the year.  I really like what Ana has to say about lightening up, and I could easily claim that as my own.  What I like about a theme is that it ties disparate areas of life together under one umbrella.  But the fact that I can't really come up with one that links organically the hodgepodge of things I'd like to work on suggests maybe that's not the right approach for this moment in my life.

Ditto the quarterly goals of Laura Vanderkam.  Oh, don't get me wrong:  I think she's absolutely right that smaller goals makes more sense than grandiose resolutions.  But it seems disingenuous for me to make a goal for next fall, when I have no idea what next fall will actually bring (I might be looking for a new house, I might be on the job market, my mother's health might take a turn again, etc). When I work with students on year-long projects and they have to come up with a title and a plan, I'm always very clear to them that it's bureaucracy.  It's a starting point.  No one expects that the finished project will look anything like that preliminary sketch.  Life is no different.

There are many things I'd like to do with my time in the next year.  And to encourage some of those happenings, I'm going to focus on establishing some activities and routines that can be scheduled. I'm also going to think small, rather than big; concrete, rather than abstract.  Big grandiose plans are so overwhelming or unrealistic I'll barely get started or will get frustrated and stop (i.e. read all the novels of Virginia Woolf this year!), but small daily habits.  Perhaps it's because I'm an academic and have three distinct rhythms and schedules for the year, right now I'm going to think most about spring semester (January through April).  And then check in with myself, revisit, and consider the summer.

*

When I need to be, I'm obsessively goal-oriented; that's what got me through grad school, infertility treatment, completing a book manuscript for tenure, etc.  There's something very addictive about all this planning (I want to be better at everything!  let's go!) but I'm not sure it's healthy for me.  If there's anything I want (see above about themes!) it's being calm and content, as a person, in my relationships, and at work.  That's not so much something I can do but I can foster the circumstances in which it is more likely to occur.  That will take some more thought.

*

On the concrete side of things:

1. I'm going to continue to schedule alone time with both my kids.  With LG this requires actual scheduling with a calendar.  We have plans to see The Sound of Music at the theater here in February, and I'd also like to schedule time to go to a women's athletic event (gymnastics?).  On a smaller scale, we've been watching The Gilmore Girls together.  She's said she'll help me with cooking, so I'll have her plan some menus we can do together.  And although I'm reluctant to do more on the computer, I do think we'll start doing 'words with friends' or something as a way to do a game on a smaller scale.  It was great doing a 1000-piece puzzle over break, but we don't have that kind of dedicated time.

I'll take Tiny Boy to some local (free!) children's events.  But what's critical for me here is actually putting them on the calendar.  This will help (a) having a plan for the weekend and (b) reminding myself that we really do do a lot as a family.  They might just go in pencil right now, but I'd like a visual look of the 'balance' of my life for the next months.  I'm also going to sign him up for tumbling classes.  He likes it.   It will give him something structured to do on the weekends, and give me a break.

2. There's more I can say about exercise, cooking, reading, socializing...pretty much every area of my life.  (I know; too much!)  For now I want to sit down with my calendar and start filling it out.  And hack off some things to do for the next week, before the semester starts.  Ready set go!

*
Finally, I'l take a cue from Mel.  If you're here and don't regularly comment, please do say hi!  I've been blogging here for ~7 years so my audience has shifted.  If there's anything you'd like me to write about, let me know.  And, a question for you:  if you're one of the five people in America who still uses a landline (me!), who is your provider and are you happy with it?

Early August

It would be very easy to make a narrative of this summer that says It Sucked Bigtime.  My mom has cancer.  My newborn nephew spent more than two weeks in the NICU.  I've needed to spend more than I wanted on home repair.  And way too many wasted daycare hours on doctors appointments. But as I said yesterday, this summer has also been full of many good things.  Some highlights:

• I finished a book manuscript and submitted it.
• I reviewed proofs of my book coming out in November.
• I had more days of good sleep than bad sleep.
• We took a trip to Baltimore, including the National Aquarium and Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum (not my thing, really, but LG had a blast).
• I read some good books, including The Way We Weren't, Sleepwalking, The Children Act, The Argonauts.
• I watched some good movies, including Still Alice, The Imitation Game, Interstellar, and The Theory of Everything.
• I watched seasons 2 and 3 of Orange Is the New Black.
• I introduced LG to The X-Files.
• I cooked some stuff, including Justine's totally yummy no-dishes-needed vegan chocolate cake.
• I made caramel today (there might not be any in the house when the kids get home.  It is that good).
• We picked blueberries.
• We went swimming.
• We went to the farmer's market and ate food truck fare.
• I took the kids to some local places I remember fondly from childhood.
• We made it once to Hip City for reasons other than medical appointments.
• I took Tiny Boy to some kid events, like last night's Touch-a-Truck thing, and story hours.

I could keep going, but it's a really lovely afternoon, and I have about 90 minutes before I pick up kids.  So back to work it is...

Summer Triage

I don't like traveling much.  I don't sleep well, I don't eat well, I get migraines from airplanes (altitude?).  I live far enough from a major airport that most trips require a layover (or I could drive 1.5 hrs to a bigger airport, but that doesn't generally save much time).  So travel days are lost days. And then there's the cleaning and packing and all the stuff that happens before...and then after.

We were just out of town.  And then we're leaving tomorrow for my mom's surgery and potentially the birth of a new nephew.  So more cleaning and errand running (town library, campus, bank, oil change).  I'm not sure how long we're staying.  So I've made a list of phone calls I can make from anywhere, and relatively short work stuff (email, syllabus revamping, article review) I can do if kids are occupied and my mom is doing okay.

It's feeling like there's not a lot of time left this summer.

And what is left is full of doctor's appointments, including three for Tiny Boy at the Children's Hospital.  I've lost the week LG was going to be doing Camp Grandma (unless it ends up being rescheduled for the very end of summer, but I'm not counting on it).

So I'm in triage mode, trying to focus on what's most urgent and meaningful.  And fun.  Yesterday I took LG to a new (to us) place for lunch, which ended up being about a two hour production.  It's a place I've meant to go for several years, so I'm glad we did it.  We likely won't be going back (too long a wait!  too loud!) but the food was fantastic and it was a good diversion.

Much to do before we leave.  And then I hope my mom's surgery goes well and Tiny Boy sleeps relatively okay (he usually rooms with her, which isn't going to happen this time) and LG is moderately well behaved.  And if my new nephew would show up while we're there, well, that would be just fine.

Me, On a Break

I took Tiny Boy to daycare half an hour early this morning.  I told his teacher he could probably use a nap; he was up until almost 10, awake by 5:30, with four wake ups from 1:00 on.  She said in her usual cheery voice, "Tiny Boy!  How is mommy supposed to get any sleep?"

Yeah.  Tiny Boy had a heart-to-heart this morning in which I reminded him what people need to be healthy and happy.  Sleep, Tiny Boy.  Sleep.

(SciChick, I took your advice and picked up DHA supplements.  Can't hurt.  And they look like candy so he's happy to take them.)

LG is planning to make me breakfast on Sunday but what I could really use is her getting out of bed, feeding the cats, and taking care of her brother.

The irony (?) here is that I slept better last night than I have most days this week.  But it's the cumulative effect.  Three days of less than six hours is when I crack.

So I didn't go to yoga.

I came home and crawled back into bed and watched the end of a movie.  And then tried to nap.

I also installed chrome nanny on my browser so I stop checking certain blogs that inevitably make me cranky (what is the impulse behind making oneself cranky?) and actually put my work email on a blocked list except for an hour later in the day.

I have a long list of work related things that I 'should' do before I put the semester to bed, although, having submitted final grades, most of them really can wait until fall.  I need to put in some hours on administrative stuff, but I think I need to limit that.  Monday afternoon and then I'm done?

I also have a long list of house related things that need doing.  And one of the things on the list is even making the list.  The weeds are sprouting.  I need a plumber.  The house needs to be painted.  And more.  It would easy to get sucked up in it all.  But the truth is, I don't need to do any of it today.

I could watch TV for the next 5 hours until LG comes home and there will be absolutely no consequence beyond the fact that I'll have to do this stuff later at some point.

I feel like I should talk to my therapist, but it's $120 out of pocket for me to cry.  So maybe I should just do that on my own.  Mostly I know that I'm not dealing with any real psychological issue here, just exhaustion.

And it's cycle day 1, which means I can head to the lab and have my blood drawn, just to prove to my ob/gyn that I'm headed fast down menopause lane.

On the Cusp

Well, I lived through the crazy of last week* and am now on the cusp of summer break, which seems like a ridiculous thing to say given that it was snowing days ago.  But indeed.  I have one week of classes and a week of exams, and then I can call the semester done.

So I'm thinking about what this summer looks like, as I am mostly done with all my big writing projects, which means starting sparkly new ones in earnest.  And I haven't really had sparkly new projects in eons.  I'm not quite sure how to do it.  So putting together a reading list and planning to have lots of quiet walking around and just thinking time, because while I have ideas I don't have anything in terms of a structure, as the one thing I think I've ruled out is straight chronological narrative.  And assuming we get the sleep thing straightened out**, I should be able to get a lot done.






* To give you a taste: on Thurs I prepped for class, had lunch with a visiting poet, raced to class, raced to my office to box up some books, raced to her talk, picked up the box of books which I [stupidly] lugged across campus, picked up kid #1, fed her, picked up kid #2, dropped off kid #1 at ice skating, left kid #2 with babysitter, went to undergrad event, left [early] to pick up kid #1 [late] from ice skating and came home to kid #2 who was still awake at 10:00.  oy.


** Last night, Tiny Boy only called twice 1:00ish, and 5:00ish, and I slept so deeply I had a dream within a dream, featuring the Artist and Dr. Gorgeous, though I couldn't recap the plot if I tried.

Because My Life Is Good I'm Going to Whine About Small Things

Laura Vanderkam was recently writing about a number of related things (how's that for specificity!), most notably time use studies, leisure time, and sleep.  The gist of it, as usual, is that I end up annoyed by generalizations about what "most" people do, because I find myself so far outside the "norm" for many of these things.

Here's a typical day for me right now:

7:30 if I'm not already awake, get up and haul the kids out of bed; make lunch for Tiny Boy; nag LG to get ready
8:15 drive kids to their respective places
9:00 COFFEE! sit down to work; concentrate on new writing; take short breaks every hour or when I'm getting squirrely (either internet time or, better, doing laundry or dishes, or sometimes a shower--see night)
12:00ish if it's not raining (argh!!) take a short walk and eat lunch
12:30ish back to work; either other writing projects or reading for next day
3:30 continue working or domestic tasks as necessary (i.e. this is when I'm meeting with plumbers and such)
4:45 pick up small people, possibly stop at the library on the way for more reading material
5:30 home, snuggle with kids, make dinner
6:00 dinner/family time, including dinner clean up
7:30 upstairs for baths, wind down time
8:45-9:00 say goodnight to LG, put Tiny Boy in the crib; try to sit down to watch a movie or read something but I can't leave my bedroom because he knows how to get out of the crib but can't yet get himself to the toilet which he needs to do repeatedly (and yes he actually goes) and if I go downstairs there's just running and screaming and antics; if I'm there I can at least escort him back so LG can sleep.  so maybe I read a page or watch a scene from a film in the dark with the volume off (yay closed captions) but this is anything but relaxing.
10:00 if I'm lucky kids are asleep now, 10:15 is more realistic; get ready for bed, read a few pages legitimately or maybe check email, which is dumb
10:45 fall asleep, but only because I've taken unisom or lunesta
2:00-3:00 Tiny Boy comes in to my bed, Tiny Boy goes back to his room, an hour or more of skittish sleep
6:00 Tiny Boy requires milk and goes back to sleep, mostly I doze, sometimes I'm just awake but not ready for the day

So clearly bedtime needs some fine tuning.  LG's fine in her room and leaves me alone even if she's not sleeping but Tiny Boy, well, not so much.  I really can't wait for him to stop napping at daycare...then he's down by 7:30 or 8:00.  But when I hear the average American has more than 3 hrs of leisure per day?  My head is sort of ready to explode.

And now I need to pick up LG because contrary to the above, she's doing a 1/2 day program this week.  ARGH.