To See Past What It Looks Like

 It's been a long while since I last wrote here... Life has been keeping me busy, between my FIL drama (house sale, court case and him in general), every day life that just can't be smooth sailing all the way, and this damn Covid pandemic and covidiots are not really getting (any) better... life is taking its tole on me, I guess...  I did manage to spend some quality time with my mother.  Drove 1,300 km with her, helped her reconcile with one of her brothers, even did so ourselves to a certain extend.  There is something to be said to being locked up in a card for six plus hours at the time... we had time to talk, let's say!  I feel (more) at peace with her, and that's a good thing.  

Also celebrated a wedding anniversary (our 21st!) by taking a little road trip to Québec City with Hubby and staying there three nights.  We stayed right in Old Québec, great location, parked the car once and walked around the rest of the time.  We happened to be there along with a friggin' heat wave and oh so humid!  Neither one of us could remember sweating this much without ANY training involved, it was hot! Because of the pandemic, every stores and restaurants were short staff, and it showed.  It was our first time out really in almost two years, especially to restaurants.  The hotel where we stayed, Le Priori, was nice, but I must say that for the price (over $300/night, with breakfast) I was somewhat disappointed. 

The room was nice, and we both enjoyed it, but given its shape, a long room, the wall mounted AC unit wasn't enough so there was another (floor) unit at the other end of the room, which turned out to be by the headboard of the bed.  That thing had a compressor, a loud compressor, that woke me almost every fucking time it turned on.  The first night was the worst, I would jump in bed.  The other nights, I guess that all my walking around in the heat made me more tired and I would still wake up but not jumped as much.  The real disappointing thing was the breakfast.  We got a cardboard box delivered to our room, containing a yogurt, a hard boiled egg, a piece of cheese, an apple, a little bread and three bite size pastries, with a tea or coffee.  For three days in a row.  Because of Covid? Really?  Almost all restaurants around there were opened, so why couldn't they serve breakfast, have it catered or something, rather than these airplane meals lookalike? Oh, and we had no maid services.  We would have to put our towels in a bag by the door and someone would pick it up and return it with fresh ones.  We made our own bed, and took out our dirty dishes.  I understand the Covid issues, but then if they can't offer the services they charge us for they should review their prices accordingly.  The location was great, but NOT worth the price we paid for what we got.  Still happy I went, it was a nice change of scenery and I must say, to my surprise, I enjoyed Québec City.

Health wise, it's been interesting.  Had a tooth ache a while back, saw my dentist (in April) and she referred me to an endodontist, which I managed to see in July!  Talk about emergency! Anyway...  After special xrays, I was told I had an infection at the root of a tooth which had a root canal years ago and a crown.  He said he would have to redo the root canal but didn't have to remove my crown, he could go through it.  My appointment was scheduled for end of August.  It wasn't a pleasant treatment, at one point he pushed hard and actually poke at my sinus.  Not pleasant at all.  But what was worst was after... man oh man, did it hurt.  I was on antibiotics and pain killers for over a week.  When that started to feel better, I started having issues with an UTI.  Another round of antibiotics, but that worked fast, thank God!  Over a week ago I went back to the endodontist for him to finish off the treatment, close up everything.  I was still feeling something so he decided to be cautious and re-cleaned it all and would see me in a few more weeks, just to be sure.  I was to be expecting some discomfort, but was I in for a treat!  Worst pain ever! More painkillers and as of three days ago back on another antibiotics, this one Cortisone based.  Happy to write that it seems to be doing the trick.  No more pain!  It is unbelievable how toothache hurts and affects everything from mood, patience, and everything else.  I'm a little concerned how it will actually be post the next (and final, hopefully!) treatment. I guess time will tell...

Yesterday I watch a movie/documentary called: In and Of Itself with/by Derek DelGaudio.

Wow!  I laughed, I cried and I will watch it again.  Do yourself a favor, take an hour and a half, and watch it. 

Maybe I'm going through an existentialist moment, but this illusionist touched me...  Or maybe it is because it touched something in me that rings so true, like that I'm not only what you see, but also many other things that you will never see...  Trust me, watch it, you won't regret it.

Let's make this leap... again.

Ce soir j'écris en français ou plutôt bilingue... my brain feels like it.  Pouvez-vous croire que nous sommes déjà rendus à la fin d'une décennie, non seulement dans quelques jours nous allons changer le 9 pour un 0 mais aussi le 1 pour un 2, c'est fou!  Je me souviens encore de l'effervescence, du Bug de l'An 2000, pas juste parce qu'avec un geek, ou parce que j'avais décidé de le demander en mariage, mais bien parce qu'on craignait ce que l'an 2000 allait nous réserver.  Vingt ans plus tard, je dirais vraiment pas grand chose, mais bon... On est loin des autos volantes, mais pas tellement des villes sous les dômes.  Le monde a changé, et malheureusement pas (vraiment) pour le mieux.

Granted, côté technologie il y a eu de l'avancement.  Si on regarde nos simples cells, petits et plus puissants que les gros ordinateurs qui remplissaient une pièce complète à un certain moment donné.  Ne serait-ce que la caméra de notre cellullaire qui est souvent plus performante que bien des grosses caméras qui en plus pesaient une tonne avec tout plein d'équipement. Les temps changent.  Greta peut bien retourner chez elle, ce n'est pas le fait de marcher qui changera l'attitude des gens.

En ce temps-ci de l'année j'en profite toujours pour faire une introspection, je regarde l'année qui s'achève et repense aux moments passés: lost a dear friend last January, suddenly, which always makes it harder.  Ai repris un ancient client pour ses livres en mars. Looking back at my calendar there wasn't much going on, attended a few meetups, still doing Postcrossing, catching up with some friends and relatives, la petite routine quoi.  Le petit train-train quotidien, qui devient vite le train-train hebdomadaire, etc.  Petit train va loin comme on dit souvent, ou dumoins on l'espère.

I've also re-read last year's post (you can read it here, if you'd like), and despite some efforts on my parts, to remain low key (as in below the radar), to try to play nice and all that, I'm still hurt (yeah, hurt I guess is the right word for how it feels) when I hear about someone not being comfortable talking to me (for no apparent reason, since we've never really spoken) because "you know..."... I don't know, please do tell.  I haven't reach that venerable age (yet!) where I really don't give a fuck about what people think about me, I'm trying to let go and not care, and yet, there is that part of me which needs to know what the fuck did I do to this person for them to not like me...  I know (I fully understand it) I should not care, and yet, there is that part of me that is being tickled by it all.

Mon objectif pour la prochaine année: ne plus m'en faire avec l'opinion (positive ou négative) des gens.  J'essaie d'être une bonne personne, j'aide lorsque que je peux, je contribue à la société (en plus de payer mes taxes et impôts, oui! oui!).  I'm rough around the edges (actually I'm quite round, so there shouldn't be any hard edges, just sayin' ), I call a spade a spade, I'm honest, I try not to lie, and I'm very loyal.  Granted I have no patience for stupidity, so if people fear me because of that, then maybe, just maybe the problem is not me.  I don't want that type of people in my environment.

I MUST remember this:

Sur ce, je vous laisse et vous souhaite une nouvelle année remplie de santé, bonheur et amour!

Wishing you a healthy, happy and lots of love for this New Year ahead.

All the best!
xox

Was I on Sesame Street?

Hi Y'all!  (I guess I've been watching "Big Brother" a little too much and picked up on the y'all, could be worst... I think?!)

Been feeling the need to write/vent or whatever it is I do on here, for a while, and after spending an evening and a full day with relatives (you know, those folks you see at either weddings or funerals?), the need was felt once again. I don't know if it is simply because I am getting old...er, but I'm realizing that there are things I do care less about.  At one point, last Saturday, I was sitting among cousins and this realization hit me, I felt out of place, or beyond what was being said around me.  It is not that I was not understanding or empathizing with what was being said, no, it was more like a complete detachment and also this desire to refrain from standing up and telling them to shut the fuck up, to let go of the past and to move the fuck on. (Excuse the language, I've also been watching "The Ranch"). 

My father's side of the family is/was... let's say... hmmm... somewhat crazy... not the most tender, demonstrative, loving people.  All of them were to some extend abusive, both physically and verbally.  I know first hand the power of words, and how they can affect us.  I also know the power of a good whooping.  No matter what anyone can say, I do think there are times when one is deserved, and when done in a reasonable fashion (read: not with a hammer, or a whip) a good wack on the bum will straighten you (You don't believe me, ask Ana in Fifty Shades! - joking!).  That being said, I don't think that when it comes to bedroom games, unlike Ana and Christian.  

We all have horror stories, things we remember that were done or said to us growing up.  While listening to the conversations around me it was obvious that some of us never got over the "abuse".  For whatever reason they got stuck on "my father hit me" and "my mother said".  True, I've been hurt too.  But at some point in time, I made the conscious decision to move on, for whatever reason and as hard as it has been, because it was/is not always easy, I did manage to move on.  At times I asked for professional help, tried different things, read many self-help books, whatever could help me to move on, because I did not want to be a victim of how I was brought up.  I knew, deep down, that whatever happened or was happening at the time, was not determining who I would be in the future or make me a victim, I was more than a kid whose father was rough with.  Granted there are some things that were/are harder to get over, feelings hurt so deep that I was/am not completely ready to let go yet.  Those are mine to work on.  And I do.  Or at least I try.

We all portray ourselves a certain way, to hide our insecurities or whatever, but to hear a cousin who is a good ten+ years older than me talk about how she was always being compared to her older sister growing up and how her mom disapprove of her , etc. was sad.  It was sad to see this woman who I always thought of as a carefree person who did what she wanted, to be so vulnerable and full of self doubts and even bitterness towards her mother was something else.  I know that aunt was tough, like the rest of the family.  I'm not trying to excuse their behaviors, far from it.  I'm only trying to grasp how someone can choose to hang on to such resentment for that long.  I chose to break free.  I'm also choosing to remain free.  I think it would be easy to fall back to being the victim, the "poor" kid who endured such horrible pains and/or words.

People often think of me as harsh, I am. I have lots of mordant... I guess that between the way I was raised, the area where I grew up and twenty+ years of martial arts, I've developed this thick skin. It could have some prickles here and there, protective measures?!   I'm sarcastic and I can also be pleasant, if I choose to.  I believe it is all a question of choice: to choose how we hang on or let go and move on, all the while enjoying the moment...  Life would be/is so much lighter this way.  Who needs all that baggage, really?  Because deep down, in the long run, nobody gets out alive, so might as well make the most of it daily and live for the present, 'cause it is a gift! ;-)

Yeah I need to pass wind... or rather vent some!

Well hello there! Doesn't it fell like I just come to you when I need to vent or something? I do, don't I? Oh well, it is what it is. That is the relationship we have. You're my sounding board, of sort, the one who will listen, not interrupt and let me scream out if I need to. You will not tell me to "chillax", to not care so much, you will simply be there, quiet, for my release. Thank you for that!

 I just had an interesting chat with the husband, I needed his input or at least outlook on something and I must say, at times I do envy his Y chromosomes. Being a girl, with loads of emotions sucks at times. I try, I've tried and will most likely continue to keep my emotions on my sleeve.  I'm quick to get pissed off, but I'm also quick to laugh (too quick according to Hubby, when he hurts himself), I'm just fast... too much so at times, but eh, that is me!

The past few weeks something has been bothering me.  I tried (I really, really do!) to not let it eat at me, it wasn't always easy but I was somewhat managing.  I could not understand it (whatever it may be!) and chose to carry on nonetheless.  I was letting it go.  When asked about it I answered honestly, I didn't know what or why, and kept going.  When you're around more people, people who don't necessarily know you, one tries to behave, right?  Well... I do.  ...most of the time.  When I'm told something that I (deep down) know, even if I know (and/or knew) it stings some.  Who likes to be told they are not liked?  Yes, I know these opinions are just that, opinions of people I don't know, and who ultimately won't get to know either since they've (obviously) already made their opinion of me.  I should not care, I get that, and there is a part of me who does not, because I do know that we can't please everyone, nor should we try.  That would be a waste of time.  What bothers me is the fact that despite not liking me they are taking my ideas, those they like, I guess.

I do get the fact that people who leads will disturb people along the way, they get things moving, and that is not always welcome.  Leaders will say no, they will apply rules, they will make decisions and all of this will not always be liked by others.  In my case I do all that, and like I was told recently, I even keep on breathing which pisses some people off.  I'm really sorry but THAT I'm not planning to stop doing anytime soon.  Yes I do talk loud, express myself, and curse, but that does make me a bad person?  I think not.  What would make me a bad person would be to disrespect others, to not be kind, to be hurtful on purpose and have mean intentions.  Nobody can say that about me. They can see many other things, but not that.

I feel like a wolf, a lone warrior walking in a pack.  I also live in a pack, but I tend to be a lonely creature just like a wolf. I can be fierce and fearless, and no matter if I try to remain low profile, my personality will come out and stand out...  I don't think I was made to follow, and I know I often choose not to follow.  Excuse-me if I disturb you,  I'm not trying to be a bother, I just do my thing.  I should know by now that flattery makes friends (if you can call them that), and truth makes enemies.  I have to learn to be quiet...

Even if they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I think it sucks.  Big time.  They should be inspired but not copy and think of their own crap!  I have to mentally train myself to detach myself from all of this, and keep on doing my thing, the way I want, and (try) not to care what others think or say about it all, because after all their opinions don't matter all that much.  I have to remember this great quote of Eleanor Roosevelt : "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  She has a point and I refuse to give my consent, damn it!

So much more to learn in this lifetime, so little time to do it all.

Writing some more, kind of!

Here I am, again, not dead yet!  I've been keeping busy, between having to have a root canal and non stop pain for a week and antibiotics and the whole shabang, I'm still alive, somewhat.

To be honest don't feel much like talking or writing so decided to post some images that do express what I'm feeling or have been since my last visit here...  Here goes:

love that bracelet too, imagine that!

I've been told it's all bout how we see things and choices we make...

been doing that for a while now, and it works!

Some people are really hard to get with for whatever reason... but then again...

I try twice, third time if it doesn't work - they're out!

That "rule" of mine applies to everyone, except my mom... she has a special status I guess... because otherwise she'd be long gone!

'cause in all honesty I have a good life!

I am thankful for my great hubby, my health (overall, despite the hiccups), the people in my life, near and far and the fact that I am enjoying it all...

Of course, I can not please everyone...

What can I say?

Not that I'm trying... as I am aging I've come to realize that no matter how much you try there will always be haters, so might as well enjoy every day, fully, since nobody knows what tomorrow holds...

2013 by way of the alphabet

I did this last year, and since I always do a review of the year we're about to close I thought of doing it again this way.

Apron: something I started wearing one when I bake

Bowling: activity we did one night, was fun, but really a once a year thing at most.

Cold Shoulder:  what I've been getting from Hubby's cousin, don't really know why (even if I did ask)

Dermatologist: managed to see one, burned me with dried ice and didn't resolve issue. Damn Quack!

Expectation: what I still had, since some people manage to get me down... when will I learn?

Flushed: what I did to a few of my clients.  It did take a load off, somewhat.

Garage Door: after many arguments with our neighbor and discussions with the condo admin.,
we finally got an automatic door closer installed!

Henna: what I had done for Hubby's 50th... on my ass!

Idiots: those we seem to find more and more of, even without looking for them!

Jowl: reason why I'm happy not to have Richard Fish (from Ally McBeal) in my entourage

Kitchen: a place where I seem to be spending a lot less time than I used to

Las Vegas: where we celebrated on thirteenth wedding anniversary

Mother: someone I haven't seen much of lately

Neighbor: the worst one we've never experienced finally moved away!

Obscurity: what I was in when I wrote this list, due to yet another power failure

Postcrossing: what I've been spending lots of time on...

Québec: province where we live and think it might be time to move out off

Rings: what are too loose on my fingers...

Stinkypaw: what I sort of reveal to everyone on Bacefook...

Tobi: my sweet boy, I miss dearly

UVs: what I caught too many of in Punta Cana, DR

Visits: what we made too many of, especially to funeral homes

WW: what I joined and lost twenty-three pounds, before the Holidays that is!

X-Rated: what I should probably be

Yuletide: when we did a lot of "social", time of year obliged

Zoom: what 2013 did, it zoomed by!

Expensive when you add it all up.

Yesterday I met a cousin which I hadn't seen in a year for dinner.  We ended up going at a friend's Vietnamese restaurant.  We took my car, since I knew where we were going, and I was lucky enough to find parking almost in front of the restaurant, which is rare since it's a very busy area of town.  There was a parking meter so I used my credit card to pay the maximum allowed so that I wouldn't be bothered checking time, etc.

My friend wasn't there when we arrived, but we ordered some food and started enjoying our food and catching up.  He eventually showed up and like every time I go there, he made us try something.  He has this thing about healthy, tasty food.  He had made this tapioca type pudding, which was soy based.  The look of it was really not appetizing, but it tasted really good.  I just love tapioca.

At the end of our meal, he came by and sat with us for a while telling us about his latest project.  He's been working on developing this natural base product to help rebuilt the immune system, etc.  He was very passionate about it, and his documentation was interesting.  Long story short, I bought a kit - supplies for one month - to try.  If it can help with my headaches and back pain, it will be worth it.

We had decided to go to another place for our desserts, so after paying for everything we made out way back to my car and drove off.  Within five minutes in the car, we noticed, at the same time, there was a fuckin' parking ticket stuck to my windshield.  Damn it.  I pulled over, grabbed it to see it was for $52 for "having parked a road vehicle in a space controlled by a pay station without the prescribed fee having been paid".  I was fuming. I did pay, I even used my Visa and put the maximum allowed.  I pulled out the receipt from my purse.  Looked at it and was calling the "parking agent" all sorts of nasty names, when I realized that the amount for that transaction was $0.25.  Somehow, the machine gave me eight minutes instead of two hours I needed and thought I had purchased. Fuck!  I royally fucked up on that one.  I know I did press the "max" button, but somehow ended up with not even a quarter of an hour.  I did fuck around with the machine, since we had a big storm yesterday at dinner time, and the display was all foggy and I never did pay attention at the end time.  I saw :59 and assumed it was until 9pm.  I was furious!  My cousin offered to pay for our desserts - that was nice of her - and suggested that I pleaded not guilty.  According to her I would have a chance because I had use my credit card to cover the maximum fee and a judge might give me the benefit of the doubt... I'm tempted to do so, but at the same time I know I fucked up.  I should have been more vigilant and look at the end time on the ticket.  I've learned a lesson, that's for sure!

Let's just say that when we did arrive at the other place, I made damn sure I was in a proper area to park and made sure the meter wasn't in effect (after 9pm).  It was a pleasant evening overall, but I could have done without that ticket, that's for sure!

Being Green

Received this today, and just had to share.  It made me think and remembered how we used to do certain things.  I guess it's not true that things change for the best.

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days." The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

 She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. (I remember when my folks had the grocery store, how many bottles the stock room had)

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books. (I still use brown paper bags whenever I ship something - quite sturdy and often the perfect size) 

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. (Ones of the thing I enjoy about living downtown - walking distance from many places.  Hated that in the suburbs to have to take the car to go anywhere.)

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. (My mother used cloth diaper for me. That is one of the few things I do miss about our house - my clothesline. I love to hang my clothes.)

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. (I do remember the small, black and white, TV.  Last night I made muffins that I blended by hand, I still enjoy doing that even if I do love my Cuisinart.  For packaging I often will use the shredded paper from our shredder.  We never had a lawn when I was growing up - city child what can I say!)

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. (I use a water bottle daily, and will buy refills for my pen, and even ordered some blades refills from Hong Kong for my razor.  To be honest, it wasn't because of an environmental concern but because I liked my razor!)

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. (The "turning their moms" thing isn't about being green, that's about mothers making a choice to be a taxi.  In the house where I grew up, I had one outlet in my bedroom, but you should have seen the extension cord and all the things connected to it, ah!) But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Generations before us did mess up the environment, and we are only now realizing the impact of it all.  For lots of things the younger folks are also committing serious fouls.  Time will tell.  To any younger folks who feel the need to give older folks lessons about conservation, please do remember they don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick them off.

Surprise, surprise, nobody returned my call.

Should I be surprised? I don’t think so. I case you didn’t read this and are not aware of my little adventure with a credit card theft, I’ll wait for you while you read it. Not bad, huh?

Following my posting the girlfriend I mentioned (from out of town) sent me an email in which she informed me the following Monday to their visit to town, they got a phone call from their bank informing them their credit card had been cloned. They were wondering where it could have happened. Doh! I guess we have our answer!

Friday afternoon, after being informed of this on top of my situation, I contacted the police and inquired what should I do in regards to this. I did report the “difference” to my credit card company, but should I do anything else? The officer I spoke with told me to come by their office and file a complaint. It was theft.

Saturday evening, Hubby and I went for a walk and stopped by a police station. I explained the situation, showed him my bill and statement. The officer was blown away, literally. When another officer would come in he would tell them about it. At first I got the impression he didn’t want me to file a complaint and was suggesting settling with the restaurant. Since I didn’t hear anything back from the restaurant manager or anyone else from Le Quartier, I said I want to go the legal route. I was aware it might be a lot of paper work, time and effort for only $18 but still; it’s for the principle of the matter. She stole from me. I filled out a detailed report, got assigned a case number and now I have to wait for the detective to do his work. It could take months. I don’t care.

Funny fact: while I was writing my declaration the officer consulted a few other officers to know if it was in fact theft or fraud… By the time we left the station, it was still undecided. It is both in a way.

I do realise maybe it wasn’t the waitress who did wrong, maybe it was the manager or somebody else who works there. I don’t really care. Whoever it was, did something illegal, and I have a feeling I wasn’t the last one. If I was the first, then I can only hope this will nip it in the bud.

Lesson learned: keep your receipts and always check your statement!

Where is the love?

Maybe it’s because it’s too hot where you’re at, but over here, it’s not that warm and I needed some love, which I didn’t really get, oh well, can’t always get what we want.

I’ve realised earlier while watching the weather network that our current temperatures are lower than those of Australia in winter – this is wrong! I can deal with the coolness but the wetness I’m ready for it to stop. I need sun, even if I won’t go out and do the bacon (read sunbathe); I need to see clear blue skies.

At a client of mine they had hired a woman to “help” me. I write “help” because she had other tasks as well, but she had to get things ready for my monthly visits so that I would take less time, thus charge less billable hours. She was a sweet person, except she wasn’t very efficient and she had this habit of misplacing documents. About two months ago I told the owner she wasn’t really “helping” me, and would rather do it all myself. It was taking me longer to figure out what she had done and correcting everything than if she had not touched anything. She forgot to tell me things she had to, and last week she even made a call to a supplier as me. That upset me and wanted to meet with the owner to let him know about it, when I got an email this afternoon informing me he had let her go. One problem solved. I know, I know, it’s not nice to say, but despite her being nice and all, she wasn’t reliable. Good intentions don’t make up for skills and knowledge all the time, sorry to say.

I went shopping for clothes with my mother. What a day. Mom doesn’t shop for herself that often, or rather she does for rather inexpensive things. I wanted her to have some nice clothes. It’s not like she can’t afford them. We were on a roll. She bought five pairs of pants, four shirts, 1 jacket, one bathing suit, two pairs of shorts and one Capri. By the time we met FB Hubby, she (we) were exhausted but happy with our purchases. Next week we might do it again but this time for drapes and some pieces of furniture. It sure was nice to spend some time with her, even if most of it was spent in a changing room of some stores.

I don’t have much to say about MJ’s passing, funerals and all. Why? Well, I don’t really care. Yes it is sad for his kids, but then again I can’t help and wonder how normal of a life they’ve had so far anyway. Like any children who lose a parent they will adapt, and cope. We all do. That’s life. I read somewhere life wasn’t fair. Life is actually pity free. It has no compassion; it’s rough; that’s just the way it is.

Tonight I should be meeting some high school friends for drinks on a nice terrace on the waterfront in Old Montréal. We might be just a few of us, unlike the last get together. Vacations are keeping some away. I guess for those of us present it will be because we want to see each other again.

That’s what I’ve been up to, among other things… ‘bout you?

Randy Pausch's Lecture on Oprah

I received this and could not do anything but post it here for you to see.

It is a bit long, but so worth the time to watch it, if you haven't yet.

Watch this amazing lecture, by clicking here.

Touching and quite inspirational! You won't regret it...

C'est quoi la réponse?*

This morning Hubby is driving his parents to the hospital. His dad needs a break and his mom a treatment, so he decided to go with them and see, first hand, what help is available. Imagine, a 70 years old man who, from one day to the next, went from a working house painter with his daily routine to retiree and caregiver to his wife battling cancer. Talk about a major life change! Life has he knew it is completely upside-down.

While preparing his coffee for the road, Hubby said: “I need to know what’s out there to help them, because I’m not retired and I need billable hours” (The only bad thing, really, about being self-employed: no billable hours = no money! ).

On top of trying to find help for his parents, he has to “maintain peace”. He was telling me about cracking jokes with them, to try to relax the atmosphere a bit, he asked them yesterday if he had to wear a blue helmet. Neither one of his parents got the joke. He had to explain to them about the “peace keeper”… not funny after you have to explain it, now is it?

Even though it’s not easy, and I have a feeling the worst isn’t here yet, I want us to see this “challenge” as a test or series of tests, as an opportunity to grow. With a “test” we always have the chance to succeed, whereas if we see it as a “battle” or a “problem” that we have to win or resolve, it could get rough. Instead of fighting with it, can we learn something from it? It’s just about the way we view things, and yet, it does make a big difference. We have to stop and think about it and ask ourselves, “What can I do that would help me rise above it? Can I look at this in a different way?”

We will certainly feel overwhelmed at times, but if we take a breather and remember to laugh, I’m sure we will see that everything in life is just a test. Because after all, if it wasn’t a test we would have all the answers, now wouldn’t we?

Image: Test

* What's the answer?

Façon de vivre...*

So many of us hold on to little resentments that might have come from an argument, a misunderstanding, the way we were raised or whatever else. Too often we wait for the other person to make the first move. We think that it’ the only way we can forgive or rekindle a friendship or a family relationship.

For many years I/we didn’t speak to my in-laws. Why not, you may ask? My mother in law always gave me/us a “hard time”, I did try, on many occasions, but it just wasn’t working out. Through the years we simply didn’t care to mend the relationship. She was stubborn and wouldn’t bulge. Her son, my husband, is just as stubborn. We thought she would literally prefer to die before reaching out to her only son and me.

Last summer when her health took a turn for the worst, her attitude towards us/me change for the better. Hubby wasn’t holding his breath. I was happy to see a change, even if (I must admit) I was a little freaked out about it. Her battle with cancer is a tough one. I’ve tried to help her, but old habits die-hard. Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds. We believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They aren’t. Hubby often says about his mother: “She rather be right than be happy”, sadly enough.

Over the weekend, his father dropped by. Poor man. He was/is in bad shape. His whole world, his routine is completely upside down. He doesn’t know how to cope with the situation at hand, he doesn’t understand what’s happening to his wife’s body and her attitude towards him is… let’s just say… quite harsh at times. We took the time to talk to him, and to listen. We suggested that he seeks help, professional help for himself first. He needs to take care of himself in order to be better equipped to deal with the challenge that represents his sick wife. He’s having a hard time understanding why he’s being dealt such a bad hand, when all his life he was always helpful to others… Life isn’t fair, that’s for sure.

It’s one thing to know that one day you’ll die, but to know that you’ll be doing fairly soon must be something completely different. There is one thing I do know; if I was to die tomorrow I don’t think I would have any regrets. I’m living life; I laugh daily, try not to only be myself, but be my best self. I dare to be different and to live my own life. When I make a decision I try to make it wisely. I enjoy what is beautiful and love with my heart and soul. I try to do that daily.

This morning, Hubby’s cousin sent me this:

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, Never regret anything...

I’d say it’s a pretty good way to live, what do you think?

Image: Spring flowers

* Way of life...

Some wise words to live by

THE TONGUE CAN BE YOUR WORST ENEMY!

Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life. What you speak about, you can bring about.

If you keep saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job.
If you keep saying you can't stand your body, your body can become sick.
If you keep saying you can't stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating.
If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke.
If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you.
If you keep saying you can't find a job, you will remain unemployed.
If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs.
If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it.

Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action.

Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.

Watch your Thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your Habits, they become character.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for.

The Strongest Dad in the World

A must read/watch the video at the end - the next time your kid asks you to go on a bike ride and you really don't feel like it, think about Dick Hoyt.

From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly

I try to be a good father.
Give my kids mulligans.
Work nights to pay for their text messaging.
Take them to swimsuit shoots.
But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day.
Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?
And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life." Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."
"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain.

Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that." Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks."

That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!" And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon. "No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway. Then they found a way to get into the race officially - in 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?" How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four gruelling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think? Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe-sized smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time - Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing anotherman in a wheelchair at the time. "No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago." So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."

Here's the video: (Can ) Father-son bond of Dick and Rick Hoyt


In case the link don't work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryCTIigaloQ

Vieux sage * Wise old Man

*English version below*

Le vieux sage

Un homme de 92 ans, petit, très fier, habillé et bien rasé tous les matins à 8h00, avec ses cheveux parfaitement coiffés, déménage dans un foyer pour personnes âgées aujourd'hui-même.

Sa femme de 70 ans est décédée récemment, ce qui l'oblige à quitter sa maison. Après plusieurs heures d'attente dans le lobby du foyer, il sourit gentiment lorsqu'on lui dit que sa chambre est prête.

Comme il se rendait jusqu'à l'ascenseur avec sa marchette, je lui fis une description de sa petite chambre, incluant le drap suspendu à sa fenêtre servant de rideau.

Je l'aime beaucoup dit-il, avec l'enthousiasme d'un petit garçon de 8 ans qui vient d'avoir un nouveau petit chien. M. Gagné, vous n'avez pas encore vu la chambre, attendez un peu.

Cela n'a rien à voir, a-t-il répondu. "Le bonheur est quelque chose que je choisis à l'avance. Que j'aime ma chambre ou pas ne dépend pas des meubles ou de la décoration - ça dépend plutôt de la façon dont moi je les perçois. C'est déjà décidé dans ma tête que j'aime ma chambre. C'est une décision que je prends tous les matins à mon réveil. J'ai le choix, je peux passer la journée au lit en comptant les difficultés que j'ai avec les parties de mon corps qui ne fonctionnent plus, ou me lever et remercier le ciel pour celles qui fonctionnent encore.

Chaque jour est un cadeau, et aussi longtemps que je pourrai ouvrir mes yeux, je focusserai sur le nouveau jour et tous les souvenirs heureux que j'ai amassés tout au long de ma vie.

La vieillesse est comme un compte de banque. Tu retires de ce que tu as amassé."

Donc, mon conseil pour vous, serait de déposer beaucoup de bonheur dans votre compte de banque des souvenirs. Merci de votre participation à remplir mon compte de banque car je dépose encore.

Souvenez-vous de ces simples règles pour être Heureux:
1. Libérez votre coeur de la haine
2. Libérez votre tête des soucis
3. Vivez simplement
4. Donnez plus
5. Attendez-vous à moins.

***

I'll do my best to translate this for you, since I think it's a nice story...

A 92 years old man, frail, proud, well dressed and not one hair out of place, is moving to an old folks home. His 70 years old wife passed away recently, so he must leave their home. He gently smiles when told that his new room is finally ready, after many hours of waiting.

As he was making his way to the elevator with his walker, I gave him a description of his new room, including the sheet that served as a curtain.

I love it he said, with the enthusiasm of an 8 years old who got his first puppy. But wait, I told him, you haven't even seen it yet.

That has nothing to do with it, he said, "happiness is something I choose. For me to like my room has nothing to do with the furniture or the decoration - it depends on how I choose to see it. I've already decided that I like it. It's a choice I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice, to stay in bed and count the ways my body doesn't work anymore or to get up and be thakful for the ways it still works.

Every day is a gift and as long as I can open my eyes, I will focus on this new day and on all the great memories I've accumulated throughtout my life.

Life is like a bank account, you withdraw what you put in."

So, my advice to you would be to make a lot of deposits in your memory bank. Thank you for contributing to my account, because I still make deposits.

Remember those simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart of hatred
2. Free your head of worries
3. Live a simple life
4. Give more
5. Expect less.