To my adversary:
You are the bane of my existence. I don't say this often, but I just hate you. You're not worth the energy it takes for me to be this angry, but damn you bring out the worst in me. Just hearing your name makes my blood boil.
I can't believe that you actually passed the bar. Not just the bar. How the hell did you pass the character and fitness review? Seriously! What sexual favors did you have to perform on who to to get yourself a law license? Or did you just get yours at the bottom of a cracker jack box?
You'll enjoy the little present you receive in the mail from me tomorrow. You want to bash me to the trial court in your little letters to the judge? Boo-hoo. Big bad Jaime actually wants me to live up to the agreement we reached TWELVE MONTHS AGO.
Enjoy 30 pages slamming your total incompetence to the Appellate Division bitch.
_____________________
To the 1000 traveling along the road with me, making my trip from North Jersey FOUR hours long:
It is a well known fact that Jersey is just not that big. You can't really drive anywhere for much longer than an hour and still be in state. So why did you keep me on the roads for four freaking hours when it should never take me more than 2 to get home?
Let me tell you something. That stuff falling from the sky is just water. You're in a car - you're not going to melt.
Just because a few drops splash your windshield does not mean that you should slam on your breaks. Nor does it mean that you should slow down from 90 to 2. If you can't handle a little rain, move to freaking Vegas and live in the desert.
Now. Get. Off. My. Damn. Roads.
__________________________________
To my alarm clock:
You have one function: to get my ass up in the morning. Some days this task is harder than others. But this morning, you needed to get me up at 4:15. Yes, that was supposed to be IN THE MORNING.
Damn you for not going off!
________________
To the hours police:
You got me this month. Be gentle. It was only 14 hours.
____________
To my other adversary:
Are you an idiot?
We settled the case. On very favorable terms to your client. All you had to do was send a check and the settlement docs in the mail to my client, so they would receive it by Sunday.
They're in North Carolina, dumb ass. Don't send a check regular mail and expect it to get there on time.
And do you know how to READ? You had to send the money with the documents to the client. What were you thinking sending the documents to me? I don't sign them. There's no place for my signature. Are you intentionally trying to tank this settlement?
I don't want to try this idiotic case just because you're too stupid to follow very simple instructions.
___________
*Sigh*
Is it Friday yet?
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11 comments:
Oh MY GOD! I love this post! Yeah BITCHES! How *did* they become attorneys anyway?! Ha!
Wait, do you do this every monday? Have I been missing it? I was all boo-hoo this morning and I should have been here! I just might have to steal this little gem. Remind me tho that its not crying in your shorts monday and just get the hell out of my way monday. Love it. Exactly what I needed! You so so rock!
I hope that bitch attorney slides off the road and ruins her car.
whew! personally i get mad when the alarm clock works...
I feel your pain!!! Especially about the people acting like a rain shower is a blizzard! I hope that your tuesday works out better. It sucks having a foe all of the time!
Bambi: Thanks. I started my bitching last week. People seemed to like it and I have lots to bitch about. Someone wanted to dub it "moaning monday" but that name might bring out a whole OTHER set of posts from people:
Mr C: I knew I liked you for a reason :)
Brian: Usually my son's my alarm clock. Can't get too mad at that alarm for going off!
Otin: thanks. hope you have a good tuesday too.
Oh, poor girl. You've had such a rough week and it's only Tuesday! Yuck! Tell your adversary to suck it and if she doesn't like it, I'll come kick her ass for you!
Dear Ms. Whine,
I did not know that my SIL had become an attorney nor did I know she had become the bane in your existance too. She is equally as nasty at home as she is in the office. She is vile and toxic and claims to me omnimpotent but is truely only impotent.
I will gladly put an extra dose of Caster Oil for you in her soup the next time she dines with her brother. I refuse to eat with pigs of which she is one.
Yours Sincerely
Gladys
I'll bet that first advesary snuck over to your house and changed your alarm and then got their Jersey friends to ambush you with traffic...we hates them, yes we do!
Well, we're halfway to Friday! And what is it with the rain and New Jersey? I lived out there for a while and I could not believe the ridiculous reaction to weather.
I don't think I've ever seen this salty side of you. I'm impressed.
Sometimes we all need a little editing!!!
Ms S: Thanks girl! I still think you should blow off the wedding and come join me for a drink!
Gladys: You are too funny!
VE: i wouldn't put it past the bitch!
Blueviolet: salty...sweet...we got it all here. it just depends on the day
Otin: speaking of editing...my bill's on the way ;)
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