He Ascended into Target...

Late afternoon on a brisk Easter Sunday in Columbia Heights, Washington DC: The new Target store closed early today, what with Christ's ascending to Heaven and all.

Of course we didn't realize the store would be closed early (truly, the Messaiah wouldn't have left Earth without tube-socks and Pepsodent), so we arrived to see the carts wandering in a daze, outside the locked doors. The giant, illuminated Target logo stared out over the carts like a huge eye.

Meanwhile, the carts puttered nervously. Wondering what to do. Where to go.

Nobody is here. Nobody is pushing us around, stuffing toasters and throw-pillows and bulk boxes of chicken corn-dogs inside our gaping plastic mouths...

Poor dears. They know nothing of this "ascended Christ" person. They have heard of an "Easter Bunny" though, but have yet to see it, or to experience its healing touch.

Perhaps THAT would be a god more befitting this brave new world of chocolate, diapers, credit cards, and dreams? I've seen him hanging around the bar...at the Wonderland Ballroom... His name is Harvey, I believe...

Targetnacht

It was a hypnotic time in Washington DC today, particularly for those of us that live in the Columbia Heights neighborhood.

The blogs were buzzing with DC-USA's grand opening of its flagship retailer, Target. Other than Lane Bryant, Target was the only tenant open for business at this point, but the local media were determined to chew this cud repeatedly until it became a fine, milky paste that glazed over us, causing us to fall into a mad shopping coma, dribbling credit cards and mumbling about kitchen appliances...

I was determined to keep my cool, stay away for a few days, and let the other bloggers tackle it first. The City Paper's blog ran several posts about it. Prince of Petworth landed a coveted spot at Target's pre-opening party, thus robbing me of that competitive first sprint for the bulk tube-socks. But that's cool.

I find shopping malls and big-box stores deeply troubling.

That doesn't come from some high-minded concept about macro-economics or sweatshop labor or whatnot: Just the simple experience of walking into those places, as a human being, to get a thing done: They are creepy as hell. I slip into an annoyed, melancholy state where the human race becomes a suicidal zombie mob, with their colorful boxes of frosted sugar-bombs and plastic trinkets and vacant, medicated stares...

So whenever I need to hit these places, it's like a military operation: Get in, do the job, get the hell OUT. And now one of those places is here in the 'Heights.

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was living around the corner from the site. There was no Metro stop then, and this DC-USA place wasn't even a dream yet. The Tivoli theater was still slumbering in a bed of barbed-wire fences and decay. So I'm not idealizing the "good old days" here: there was a deeply real neighborhood spirit but after dark, it was a no-man's land.

And that is why the DC-USA development inspires a bittersweet confusion. Sure it's good for the neighborhood, the local economy, jobs, all that. And it IS a rare treat to walk ten minutes to get things I'd normally schlep out to the suburbs for.

Anyway.

I was lulled by all the media attention and decided, screw it. I might as well go after work and just see the freaking place. I had nothing in mind to buy. But yet I found myself going inside. Just...to see...


I saw scores of people milling around in a daze, probably like I was... One couple (white, young, affluent) wandered onto Target's escalator, simultaneously mouthing an obvious *W*O*W* as they gazed around them at the interior of....a Target store.

Now, uh, Target is a fixture of every suburb in this country, right? I don't understand the wonder and amazement. I was reminded of the old Mondo Cane footage of the cargo cults: a distant tribal society that, upon seeing large cargo planes for the first time, formed the logical conclusion that they were giant, god-like birds from heaven.

*W*O*W*...

People wandered around the aisles of Target, touching things with gentle fingers, bumping into each other, talking in whispers as if they were in church during a High Mass...

I was crawling insane by this point, so I grabbed the most logical thing I could think of, a Magical First Purchase, to commemorate this great occasion:


Gomez adored the smell as they cooked. Marian and I munched our chicken corn dogs in reverential silence, contemplating the wicked, wonderful place that delivered them to us.

And now I am left with this gigantic building a few blocks away, sitting there, mocking me. It's just a complicated relationship. Perhaps it'll be better once the gym opens. We'll work it out.

BEHOLD! SIDEWALK!

Great scorching locust-toes, mommy!

14th street at Irving NW, Washington DC: After many months of construction at the DC USA site, it would appear that we have our sidewalk back. Clappeth thine hands, and do proclaim YAY, my friends:

No more slithering along a weathered, improvised walkway of jersey barriers that stink of urine, while taxis and Metrobuses do battle with inbound commuters from Silver Spring along the constricted lanes... The west side of 14th street is pedestrian-friendly again. SCREW the Target, Best Buy, and all that: THIS is cause to celebrate. It's like Christmas in Paradise, mofos.

ALSO: Having nothing to do with all that: Dig some crazy sounds at The Vinyl District, where I've supplied a head-spinning guest post of audio heaviness. Take a trip down mammary lane...

Bruce News

Alas, you can't be at two places simultaneously, unless you've mastered the whole space/time continuum thing, or unless you're hopelessly insane.

In my case, the boxer meetup (see previous post) was happening in faraway Annandale at the very moment the Pleasant Plains Civic Association meeting was taking place.

On the agenda was an update on the long-neglected Bruce School. It's a huge, beautiful building, and I've been hoping someone with vision would magically appear and breathe life into its old halls again. Renovate it all you want, but please don't knock it down. It's an awesome thing, up on that hill.

So, while I couldn't make the meeting, at least I can offer some relevant minutes, courtesy of Darren Jones' post to the Columbia Heights listserv:

--Caesar Chevez Public Charter School Chief Operating Officer David Robinson says that renovation will be complete at the Bruce School campus in December 2008. The school is at Kenyon St. and Sherman Ave. and will house 420 students by 2011. Association members reminded Mr. Robinson that the school promised community space for afterschool activities. Principal Andrew Touchette spoke about the mission of the school and its hiring process for teachers. Construction Program Manager Eric Thompson says that a trailer will be set up in the coming months to hire neighborhood residents for construction jobs. The civic association will be informed.

Also of note was Chairman Thomas Smith's announcement that a new sit-down restaurant is coming to Lower Georgia Ave. I could find no further details, so as always, stay tuned...

And finally, it was confirmed that the grand opening of the love-it-or-hate-it DCUSA Shopping Center will be Saturday, the 8th of March. I can imagine the place being mobbed by barking mad photo-bloggers, hungry for discount tube-socks:

You ready to rumble, Prince of Petworth? I'll race you to those damned tube-socks! Digital Cameras at ten paces!

the Tower of Babylon

14th Street at Irving: The DCUSA urban shopping-mall project, mid-construction. The cornerstone of the project is DC's first Target store, and its bizarre turret has been taking shape for a while.

It actually looks like an expensive branding gimmick: a way to get the Target logo visible from satellite photos, so users of Google Earth can spot the stores easily. Of course, with the store being called "Target", and featuring a giant target icon visible from high altitudes, are we not inviting a bomb attack?

............or is that the paranoia talking again? Isn't Russia digging their ICBMs outta the moth-balls? C'mon, cold war v2.0!

Girder your loins, Columbia Heights...

SO HERE'S THE SCENE, as of 9march07: The DCUSA building site, corner of 14th and Irving Streets, Washington DC. Already, the only identifiable facades on this block are the Tivoli Theater and the old Riggs bank building.

High within the site, workers are securing last of the I-beams which will establish the building's final shape against the street. Now we can begin to see what this will look like. With its promise of Starbucks, Target, Best Buy, Staples, Bed Bath and Beyond (and others), DCUSA has become the icon of DC's latest wave of gentrification.

Those of us who live here and enjoy the unique flavor of this historic DC neighborhood are eyeing the project with caution. Presumably the new retail business will benefit the Ward One economy, but will it rob Columbia Heights of its soul? Will the employment opportunities stay local, or will the chain stores ship in a fresh workforce from the suburbs?

Either way, it's clear that 14th and Irving will become a fishbowl to study a particularly extreme example of forced urban development. Certainly, these businesses are a strange fit for the neighborhood.

For me, it'll be interesting to see what DCUSA is like long after the shiny new patina has worn off and it settles into an older skin... because I expect it'll have a nasty sting when it's unveiled, like an invading virus. But then, the 'Heights survived the riots of '68, and it'll survive this. I hope.