I'm alive.

Barely. Without getting gruesome on you, let's just say my insides still feel ravaged after this past week.

The UC Marching Band had it's own version of the Black Plague sweep through picking us off one by one. By Tuesday night's rehearsal, 9 people had called in sick with the same thing: flu. Fever, Chills, Aches, Stomache issues of various kinds, Headaches, Congestion, Coughing...etc and so forth. A few others came to band anyways...those little troopers. Unfortunatly, those little troopers spread their joyness around and Wednesday dawned with me being fluish as well. I only stayed in bed 1 day but the 1-2 days afterwards, I had to bargain myself into doing anything productive like going to work and class. I feel pretty decent now, but most of us are still slightly under the weather. So there you have it. Flu season is upon us.

I spent the weekend in true band fashion. Saturday morning, bright and early, 5 of us piled in the Chevy and drove up to Indianapolis for the North Central District Leadership Conference for the sorority and the fraternity. It was actually quite fun seeing an old TBS friend from Ohio State and meeting some new ones. The day was long and cold, however, so we were glad to get back late Saturday night. I crashed from the exhaustion. Today, we had a joint relations event at the Cincinnati Museumn of Natural History. I've only been to the Dino Exhibit section for a class I once took, but this time I got to explore the whole shebang including the super-sweet cave system. They built a cave inside of the museum that actually replicates a fairly large cave system. You can take the advanced route or the easy route...the advanced sends you near underground waterfalls, on the edge of small pools and through extremely tight, dark crevices. Even some bats are afoot. It was really neat, you forgot you were inside at all. I love museums and institutions of learning where you can touch things. I'm a touchy-feely kind of person. :-) Afterwards, I was invited to my "little brother's" house to meet his family and have supper. Delicious. His mom has the kitchen I dream of owning some day along with all the fun gadgets.

The night was rounded out by watching the Packers lose to the Giants down at Big Red and now I'm ready for sleeps. Here, here for 3-day weekends!

One Big Hormonal Ball

I started birth control when I was 18 years old to "control period regularity and cramps". :Insert shifty eyes here:

When I was having a lot of my sleep issues, I went off birth control for the first time in 3 years in August to try and figure out the depression/sleep meds I was on and I went back on New Years Day. I remember that first month...it takes a while for your body to get adjusted and I was a ball of joy that fateful July many years ago. And, once again, I'm a ball of joy getting re-adjusted to my body tricking itself into thinking it's preggers. I have always been hormonal just like my Mom and Grandma, all of my family is blessed with PMS that surprisingly hasn't turned anyone into serial killers. I have thrice freaked out about issues in the past 5 days that required a mere annoyance, not an "ohmigod end of the freaking world" reaction. I will be completely calm one minute, feel anger I have never experienced the next minute, then call you back over after yelling at you to give you a hug...and promptly lop your head off with an axe. BECAUSE YOU EFFING DISERVED IT. Not really. Sorry. Hurry up next period so my body stops hating me or before I kill someone.

Do As I Say, Not as I Do

Well. Apparently there are healing effects to beer afterall.

I was laid up most of the weekend (surprised after all the bitching I've done?) and had to miss the band festival on Saturday. I was so bored, I actually got a jump start on my knitting projects for Christmas. I was able to watch the UC v. Rutgers game in it's entirety and NOW we're ranked #15 in the country not that anyone besides people who live in Cincinnati care. But, I digress...so Nick and Elliot down the street were having their 23rd birthday and I have not missed their birthday party in 3 years. Imagine the guilt that came with not drinking their cheap beer and watching Nick get so drunk he takes off his clothes and lays in the bathtub. After everyone left from watching the game, I threw on a pair of jeans and ventured out of the house for the first time in 72 hours. Just TWO minutes, I swear! I wandered up the street (convienently, there are three houses on my street with 5-6 of my close friends living in it including my own large apartment so on any given weekend night, something is bound to be going on) with no intention of staying just to give birthday hugs and laugh at my roommate being inappropriate and standing on the porch yelling at sluts below. I ended up staying out until 4 AM...

And the next morning I woke up at 10. Feeling amazing. I was showered, fed, and working on homework by 11 AM. Somehow the physics of this defies real logic.

Beer = healing juice

*Shrugs*

Just take me out back and shoot me

I have said this phrase numerous times in the past 72 hours because 1) I'm still sick as a dog and 2) I'm a huge ass baby when I'm sick. My awesome list of symptoms include but are not limited to:

• Sore throat
• Left ear infection
• Digestive woes
• Slight fever
• Congestion to the point of no breathing
• Headache
• Swollen eyes
• Cough/Sneezing every five minutes
• Nightmares (No idea why this is happening)

I've been through two large boxes of tissues and everyone including my roommates, Rob, the office staff, and my entire family has heard me whine about how I'm going to die. I am missing the marching festivals today because I woke up on the couch (where I always sleep when I'm sick) feeling that perhaps someone had run me over in the middle of the night.

I give props to my friend Rob for putting up with my whining. He's been with me the past two nights and tolerates my sad, sick personality.

So, I just got done taking some nighttime cold meds because thats all I could find in the house and it will probably knock me back on my butt for a few hours this afternoon.

I'm done complaining for the time being...

I feel massively guilty for missing this marching band thing. Crap. It's not even my fault! It's Mr. A and his death chips*!!!

This may sum up my feelings on popular music better than anyone has said it before.


*One of the assistant directors gives me his leftover chips and salsa whenever he doesn't want to eat it anymore. A few days ago, I walked into work without paying much attention, and he gave me the leftovers which I started inhaling like I hadn't eaten in 3 days. Around the last chip, he walks by me commenting on how "sick he is" and I look up into his sickened, green face and couldn't even speak. Why oh WHY would you give me your leftover food if you feel and look like YOU'RE DYING??!! I didn't even have the heart to say anything because I was past the point of no return. So I finished the chips.

Rockin' Girl Blogger

So Amy gave me the "Rockin' Girl Blogger" award today and I can't help but say I'm flattered...I feel completely ridiculous giving this to some of the girl blogger's I admire because they probably already know how amazing they are, but part of the award mandates I have to reciprocate and name 5 of my own.

1. Miss Zoot: Sort of a blogger role model, I started reading her blog about a year ago and she's just inspiring. Whether it's dealing with pregnancy issues or boob sweat, her words have been inspiration on a sad, rainy day for me. You can't help but fall in love with her family and her!! Perhaps my favorite blogger of the times.

2. RC: Writes for The Racechicks blog which is basically a site by girls about NASCAR. Her writing is insightful and funny and always a good place to sit back and shoot the shit about racing.

3. The Thinker: I wish I had been this cool in high school. She writes about dealing with her parents, searching for a college and just trying to find herself, but she writes on a level most adults would die to reach. Her life commentary is full of things I wish I had thought of at that age. She is just incredibly cool.

4. Susan: Just started reading her site in the past month or so. There are some bloggers who just capture your attention with their words, and Susan is one of them. She's down-to-earth but witty and it shows through her posts. I am looking forward to reading her more!

5. Rockstarmommy: Her tell-it-like-it-is attitude makes for hilarious reading but reminds me how real people can be. Her stories about her kids, husband, and life in general always have me laughing.

You guys rock! Thanks for inspiring me!!

On to other things...

Yesterday was a blogging milestone for me...I had FIVE comments on my post! Yea!! This would be the most comments on this site to date. Doesn't seem like a big deal in some blogging circles, but man, I am pumped!

In real life...I saw my best friend off today at the airport. She is moving to Arizona to be with her mom for a few months and while I know she'll be back, it didn't make saying goodbye any easier. She was my first real friend in college and letting go of that is hard. I know it's for the best and I'll be hopefully flying out to see her in December. We had to get up at 5:30 this morning to leave (karma bitch-smacked me today...I wrote a comment on someone's blog talking about how I never see 5 AM from the morning side because of college...go figure.) but I'm glad I got to see her off.

Then, I ended up in the Doctor's office at 8:30 to check out this sore throat. It's not strep as of this moment, but they're going to culture my throat cells to make sure it won't become strep. I missed class and now will be missing band this evening to try and rest. I'm such a baby when it comes to being sick, most of the time I just ask people to take me out back and shoot me. I'd rather be put out of my misery than live through this sore throat and headache. Woe is me.

Time for Nap #3 for the day.

It's not PMS, it's a cold dammit!

I am the Queen of Grump when it comes to being sick and with a slightly weaker immune system, I'm always sick. All of my friends, however, assume that I'm just PMSing. No. I don't PMS, I rage. This is just grump.

I hate talking about my social life on a romantic level because I was the talk of the collegiate marching band village for three years whether it refered to The Cheater or The Mentally Unstable One so I've refrained from telling people what's been going on in my life if I can help it. I will say that I'm really bad at this jumping back on the bandwagon thing. I'm nervous, distrustful, and generally not very good at "dating". I had a stretch in the summer where various friends were trying to helpfully set me up with their friends, and I realized that I was REALLY bad at blind dates. And they were all crazy. I also had sworn off band guys a while back. I was NEVER going through that again. I should have added that to the List of things I swore I'd never do in college but find myself doing anyways.

And that is as comfortable as I'll be about that subject for the time being.

Is it Friday yet?

Hoping I have more readers than I think I do...

Apparently, I have to now comment on every blog I read in that list over there...so I will do my best, tomorrow to not sound like a damn fool.

I have a cold. My boss/band director has one, now I have one and the other office assistant/roommate has one and so does another roommate. It's a nasty collegiate cycle.

I'm le tired...

Ugggggghhh...

All you can eat chicken wings at Quaker Steak and Lube is not my friend...going to bed with a bloated belly of spicy proteins...

3 AM, I Must Be Lonely

So it is 3 AM and even though I am exhausted and feel like someone hit me with a very large 16-wheel vehicle...I'm still up. I managed to get my sorry ass to the concert tonight though I only lasted two songs before someone chucked a rock at my head my sinuses felt like they were going to explode out of my face...so I got to watch the rest of the concert I'm supposed to be playing in from the seats...not a happy camper, but what can ya do. Life is about choices, man. Grey's Anatomy....well. My DVR didn't record the last 10 minutes which apparently was the meat of the episode...Anna, Z, and I looked up the ending on Wikipedia because we were DYING to know what happened and of course, there were two words about the first 50 minutes and maybe a book for the last 10. I HAVE to see it now because how in the world did all that happen in a very small, limited amount of time. I can't breathe. My face hurts. My head hurts. Everything hurts. Going to force myself to sleep because if not, I will be no good to anyone for the next few days...and oh the weekend is not for relaxing this time around. Blech.

SICK

SICK...Ridiculously sick...on the day of our concert...where I have important stuff to play....great.This isn't even "oh I don't feel well" sick; this is "my head is going to explode if I don't freeze to death first even though my temp is high" sick...I get sort of sick pretty often but this real kind of sick is very rare for me...my ears are ringing, my temp is up even though I'm achy and have the chills...and I have 5 hours to get better for the concert...oye. Bed...I suppose.

Woozles

It is amazing how our bodies react when a substance we rely on is taken away...I forgot to take my anxiety meds this morning and today has been horrible. I haven't had an attack, but I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't concentrate on something for more than 3 minutes, I am missing an old best friend HARD CORE today which I haven't felt this feeling since early March, I feel sort of out of it and fuzzy...frusterating. Taking those meds ASAP when I get off work...too much to handle for my brain...

I own ferrets. Or "Woozles" as I prefer to call them. Diego and Amos who are AMAZING creatures and my house is in love with them. Diego is the smaller of the two and insists on running around exploring everything he can possibly climb/run to/burrow in and his curiosity is abundant...Amos prefers to sit on my lap and watch or snooze...we bond a lot late at night and early in the morning. He'll sit in my lap while Diego is asleep in his cage and watch TV with me or while I work on the computer. In love...

Going to see the BG Men's Chorus concert tomorrow night with Amanda and Brittany, mini-road trip! Should be a nice get-away for a bit.
I'm having trouble making decisions that could affect my next year at college immensely...I've never been on the fence more. (No I'm NOT changing my major, no worries...band stuff. )

On that note...I'm going home to rehabiliate my poor brain

It was 84 degrees Tuesday...it is now 40. This may explain why I have been sick at home the past two days (Yes, here I am again wandering the house in a perpetual daze because meds you're supposed to take at night will do that to you.) I did manage to go to my African-American lit class last night since it only meets once a week. Now I'm making spaghetti because when I'm sick with a head cold, I get STARVING (I have no idea how this is different from any other time but oh well). Back to bed...I got my 21st Birthday ring today from Grams and Auntie...I LOVE IT.

Weekend Shenanigans.

FIRSTLY, after a lengthy doctor's appointment on Thursday, we have the first (and hopefully the last) diagnosis. I have Cardiac Neurosis...or better known as Panic Disorder. It usually develops in early adulthood and the first attacks are triggered by extreme stress or physical illness (I had both at the time). Basically, my brain freaks out on me (sometimes for no reason at all which is why it is sometimes considered an illness) and tells my body to over-panic even if nothing is happening (the first attack happened two weeks ago when I was watching TV) which in turn feels like I am having a minor heart attack. Chest tightens up, numbness and tingling in hands and face, shortness of breath, vertigo and lightheadedness. It's treatable with medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, exercise and relaxation techniques. Started the medication two days ago, have my appointment for my behavioral therapy on Wednesday and in two weeks I go back to the doctor for possible dosage adjustment and she'll clear me physically for exercise. She said that if I do all these things, it should be very manageable and I can lead a fairly normal life since we caught it early. I should feel the full effects of the medication in 4 weeks. It has been a lot to take in...these past few weeks I have had a constant on-edge feeling, shaky hands, and Friday afternoon I had another attack but all you can do is wait it out. I laid on my bed and it lasted about 10 minutes but I felt like I was dying. It's horrible...but HOPEFULLY by next month, they will be under control and I'll know how to deal with it. My life never ceases to surprise me.

ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS!!!! These past two weekends were amazing. Last weekend was my Joint-Lockin with my pledge brothers and candidate sisters. We had an amazing time be ridiculous and hanging out. And Friday night was Informal! We had 15 PEOPLE at my house including most of the candidates getting ready, it was hilarious. Crunch made an excellent date, and was very sweet and looked AWESOME. We had a really good time even though he was a little sick. I pranced around like the crazy person I am and generally just burned off steam. Pictures of both can be found here. I must disclaim, however, that these photos are NOT MINE. I am a facebook photo thief and a proud one at that. But they are other people's and eventually these people will understand how I roll. Because of all the school I've missed, I need to play catch-up which is making me panic a bit...nastly cycle. But, right now I need to focus on the 10 pounds of mashed potatoes I need to make so I can't worry about school right now.

ER Trips and Anxiety Dips (oooo rhyme...)

I write to you a broken and exhausted woman on the demanded day off of school. I made mention a week ago about my heart flutters and trouble breathing and that I had a follow-up scheduled for today. Well, I ended up in the Emergency Room yesterday because during my Brit Lit class, I had what felt like a minor heart attack. My chest seized up and I was having trouble breathing and my fingers were numb. Sooo being braveheart I am, I walked all the way home and called Anna en route to ask for a ride to Christ hospital ER. (Best hospital ever by the way.) What followed were 6 hours of long and some painful tests. I had an EKG for my heart, did a blood catheter drip of 4-5 vials of blood (Anna had to hold my hand for this one and keep talking to me because I was on the verge of losing consciousness), a urine analysis, a BP test (they made me stand up and I ended up collapsing on my bed because my BP dropped really low), A CAT Scan with dye, a chest x-ray, an asthma PG test and a lot of waiting around. The CAT scan was TERRIFYING. They put you on this bed that moves in and out of this giant camera donut in a room with really weird lighting. You have to put your hands over your head as they take the initial pictures of your chest, then they inject your arm with dye that lights up your veins all over your body (very Houseish) which makes you feel like you are having the worst hot flash of your life and that you peed your pants because it goes straight to your bladder. Then they repeat the process of the moving bed in the donut. At this point, your arms are falling asleep and you feel like you wet yourself and tears were leaking out of the corners of my eyes because I HATED MY LIFE. It didn't hurt per say...I am just the biggest wimp when it comes to tests of any sort and this was the craziest one I've ever had. Now, before all these tests were given, I was asked if I had done any extensive traveling recently. I said I was on a bus for almost 24 hours in a weekend on the way to Toronto. This being said, the doctor informed me a blood clot may have formed in my legs and broken off in the past few weeks, traveling to my lungs and getting stuck there. This of course made me panic even more because OH MY GOD MY LEGS FELL ASLEEP A BILLION TIMES ON THE TRIP AND NOW I'M GOING TO DIE FROM MY BLOOD CLOT!!!! It wasn't a blood clot, wasn't a heart attack, wasn't asthma related. So 6 hours later, I got to go home exhausted, hurting like hell, and armed with all my results to take to my follow-up today at 3. I'm not sure if I'm glad nothing that serious was wrong with me...or upset that no one STILL knows whats wrong with me. This whole thing is frustrating and the more frustrated I get, the worse it seems to get. So today at my appointment, we're going to talk about what the next step is. I hate not having control over my life and this is one time I feel so helpless and alone. I don't know what I would have done if Anna, Z, and Amanda hadn't been so amazing yesterday. They made me laugh and held my hand when I was scared and of course, I didn't anally bleed so it wasn't a House case yet thanks for asking Michael. It also helped that my nurse was a total and complete hottie. But Amanda had to go and make it awkward for everybody. I just wish I wasn't so scared...

Fluish

Only two weeks into winter quarter and I got the flu. Perfect. So I'm sitting at home today trying to rest hoping my stomach doesn't explode out of my body. Yea for fun. This was the body of a spam I received today:
He caught the rocker almost at once and pushed it up, drawing the locks tongue along with it.
For a moment Paul thought it was more blood from her torn lip and then he saw the seeds in it. I did have an older brother, though, and we used to go to the movies every Saturday afternoon.


That was all. Nothing else was written. Who sits there and writes this stuff???

Boof.

What the boof is wrong with me???I got 9 hours of sleep last night, took a nap before work for 1/2 hour (which usually helps) then slept from 6-10 pm. And I'm CONSTANTLY THIRSTY LIKE OH MY GOD THERE IS NOT ENOUGH JUICE IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Speaking of thirsty...I need a drink NOW. Ok back. Better.Doctor? Perhaps. When? Who knows. Too busy all the effing time.Can't wait to go home next weekend. Hopefully BJ is having her usual Friday night shindig...?