Lovebirds kind of aren't...

...loving birds.

Actually, they aren't loving even a teensy bit.

They are aggressive and mean and they hate me.

When I head out to water my pumpkins (remember those seeds I planted a few weeks ago? Look how big they're getting already!)...



...they sit in the sunflowers and squawk at me.



Loudly.

It scares me.

But yesterday I made the mistake of going outside in a pink shirt (now that the killer hummingbirds are gone) and they decided to squawk AND divebomb me!

I ran out of the garden, screaming like a moron, and sprinted (slowly) toward the back door.

Panting like a marathoner (hey, it is at least 100 yards...okay, okay, maybe 100 feet!) I told Mr. Jenny that the birds were trying to attack me.

"Oh, they're lovebirds," he said, "Maybe they just love you! And they're pretty."

Yeah.

So, I made Mr. Jenny water the pumpkins for me.

And he thought the squawking was funny. And since he wasn't wearing a pink shirt they didn't dive bomb him.

Lovebirds?


I think not!

But if you want to see for yourself, wear a pink shirt and c'mon over to water the pumpkin plants!

Oh...

And wear your sprinting shoes!

Sigh.

I think Mr. Jenny is trying to kill me...

...

Oh, he acted all innocent when I opened my Christmas gift.

He smiled cheerfully as I admired the shiny, bright red case of the sweet little laptop.

He was a sly one.

I didn't catch on until Sunday afternoon what he was up to.

There I was, sitting outside in the breezy afternoon, reading Saturday Centus links when...

whzzzz...brrrrrrr....bzzzzzzz...

I got bombed.

I jumped up and screamed. Loudly. Because I'm pretty sure my neighbors always enjoy when I do that.

I couldn't figure out what was making that whzzzzzz noise for a second and then I saw them...

Two, gigantic hummingbirds...


Seriously. I mean they were totally huge! And those little beaks are mighty long and pointy when you see them up close and personal.

At first I figured they were just passing by the covered patio, but after I sat back down again, it happened again almost immediately.

They were attracted to the bright red of the laptop case.

I finally had to go inside. It was frightening I tell ya.

Now, before you go defending Mr. Jenny, I need to tell you something else.

A few years ago I had a hot pink shirt. One day I spilled something on it...no, I don't remember what I spilled...I'm sure it was something tasty though.

Where am I going with this?

Geez. Hold on. This is an important part of my attempted homicide explanation, so hold your horses.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah, hot pink shirt...ummm.... ummm...

Okay. Yeah. Now I remember. So, I couldn't wear the hot pink shirt in public in anymore because of the giant stain on my left ummm... cha cha, so I converted it to a gardening shirt. Once.

The first time I wore it outside, I was almost knocked over by an entire, vicious flock of hummingbirds. Okay. Maybe there were only five but those suckers are fast so it was hard to count them.

For the sake of illustration you will need to pretend that this hand is my head...


See how scary this is?

I rest my case.

Oh.

Yeah, okay. It might help if I tell you the rest of the story.

Ahem.

Mr. Jenny was well aware of what happened because from that point on, I refused to wear pink or red anywhere near the garden.

Seriously.

I had to throw the almost perfectly good pink shirt away.

At Christmas Mr. Jenny specifically said...AND I QUOTE...'I thought you would like taking this laptop outside to write."

See? See?

He's trying to kill me, I tell ya.

I'm not sure, but I think he increased the amount of my life insurance the first of this year, too!

So...If if you hear on 20/20 or 60 minutes or something that in an odd case of bird assault that an Arizona woman encountered 'death by hummingbird', please turn this blog post into the police IMMEDIATELY so they can arrest him.

And now I have to stay inside to write because homicide by hummingbird attack is NEVER a laughing matter.

...

...

Sigh...

...

...

PS. I think the humming birds really come to visit because our garden is wonderful this time of year!

In my garden there is a large place for sentiment. (and in my post today there is a giveaway for two readers!)

"In my garden there is a large place for sentiment. My garden of flowers is also my garden of thoughts and dreams. The thoughts grow as freely as the flowers, and the dreams are as beautiful." ~Abram L. Urban

We took these photos on Saturday, when Mr. Jenny was doing a happy dance that he could harvest his first crop of three artichokes...(I'm sad to say I didn't get a picture of him dancing...sigh...)


Our beautiful daughter stopped by and helped me harvest carrots and peas...


...and rejoice in berry blossoms...


...and we had the joy of picking grand bouquets of sweet peas, ranunculus and bachelor buttons...





As for the giveaway...


...because our lemon tree still has a crazy amount of lemons on it, I would like to send some out to two lucky winners.

If you'd like to win a USPS priority mail flat rate box filled with lemons, just tell me in a comment below what you'd make with them.

Winners will be picked on Tuesday morning and notified. As long as you get your address back to me right away, the lemons will be mailed out on Wednesday.

This giveaway is for US readers only. I'm sorry Int'l and Canada.

"I have never had so many good ideas day after day as when I worked in the garden." ~John Erskine

You say Tomato...

I say...

"OSKAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yesterday morning...

I walked across the newly watered grass planning to harvest peppers, cucumbers and some big green tomatoes for lunch...




...only to discover my garden had been ransacked...

By a 30 pound weiner dog...

Who had head-butted the garden gate open in obvious protest of us only feeding him twice a day.

The only veggies remaining in the garden were some 8 ball squash which are obviously not pleasing to a weiner dog palate...


And a bunch of hot peppers which were obviously less pleasing to the weiner dog palate as indicated by the pile of ummm.... doggie ... ummm... throw-up filled with the crunched up remains of quite a few of them.

I'm hoping this little metal loop will discourage further 'salad bar' snackings...


...And I'm hoping I don't pass out from all this...

Sighing.

Sigh...

A-T winner and a quick garden tour!

Happy Saturday.

Oh my! It is lovely here today...breezy and low 80's and it definitely does not feel like Arizona in the summer time!

I wanted to announce the winner of the Amazon gift card from Alphabe-Thursday today ... and...

From 342 linked posts (U - 80, T - 92, S - 84 and R - 86) Mr. Random Org selected:

True Random Number Generator

Min: 1
Max: 342
Result: 52

Link 52 from the Letter R was Coralie's link for Rag Doll Susie!

Coralie, I'm sending you an e-mail! Congratulations!

And then I just wanted to show you how crazy my garden is at the moment. This morning I picked all kinds of flowers, shallots, jalapeno peppers, sweet corn, green beans, tomatos, eggplant, and squash. Just thought I share a few pictures of the bounty with you! I wish you could come to dinner and help us eat all this!

And this gives you an idea of how tall my hollyhocks and sunflowers are this year. I am 5' 7". I feel very "dainty" when I stand by these giants!

Hope your Saturday is sweet!

Thomas Hood wrote...

'Tis like the birthday of the world,
When earth was born in bloom;
The light is made of many dyes,
The air is all perfume:
There's crimson buds, and white and blue,
The very rainbow showers
Have turned to blossoms where they fell,
And sown the earth with flowers.

...and my garden agrees...

The following takes place...

Between 7:00 AM and 8:00 AM















"Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity." ~John Ruskin

And for you 24 fans...of course Jack Bauer can quote poetry. Geez.

Sigh.

You may not like me anymore...

...when I tell you I am greedy person.

It's true.

I hang my head in shame.

Hey! Look at that! I need a pedicure!

Oh sorry.

Distracted for a moment. Back to head hanging in shame and not looking at toenails.

OK.

So.

I am greedy because yesterday I went to Home Depot and bought this wonderful bounty of flowers to plant in the garden... I brought them home and hauled them back to the garden.

And I got annoyed.

I know it's wrong.

But I need a farm. I want a farm! I demand a farm!

How can I possibly have only a few plants???? I need more plants, more space, more garden, more roses...

There are too many amazing and gorgeous varieties and I need them all. I want them all. I demand them all.

How can I possibly go to Swan Island Dahlias and not buy each of the 14,312 varieties they offer ...
Seriously.

How can I go to Park Seeds and not buy enough seeds to plant an acre of this... Here's what the catalog says about this corn...By far the sweetest-tasting corn ever grown, and also the most tender! 76 days. Its name means "the future is almost here," but once you taste your first bite of Mirai® Bicolor Corn, you'll know that's wrong -- the future IS here, and its name is Mirai! This ultra-supersweet corn is so sugary and succulent that it gives new meaning to the term "caramel corn"!
And to make it even worse it comes in yellow and white varieties!

See what I mean?

That is three acres of corn!

Which means I need a farm. I want a farm! I demand a farm!

Sure I know I'm supposed to be happy with what I have. And I do have nice gardens. Really I do.

But they can only accomodate 1/1,000,000,000th of the seeds and plants I need to try. I want to try. I demand to try!

I already have 5 acres planted on my imaginary farm and I haven't even told you about my obsession with zinnias, sweet peas, larkspur, asters, tomatoes, heirloom vegetables...etc., etc., etc.

So...

See what I mean?

I am greedy.

And I am ashamed.

And I need a pedicure.

...

And no matter what people say CONFESSION IS NOT GOOD FOR THE SOUL!

Because I still don't have a farm.

Sigh.