Going Deep - Update

In January I discovered a blog post called

   Go Deep Not Wide.  

That post plugged into a theme that was trending in my brain.  Since that first exposure to Go Deep, Not Wide, it has not been far from my thoughts.  If you missed that post I encourage you to check it out by clicking on the link above.

For me thought has become action in subtle ways - not an intentional change, just sort of like watching another person (me) do things differently.

Using the words "Go Deep" to navigate 2019 generally ... theoretically ...  fits companionably with my desire to declutter and lead a simpler life.  Said another way ... Go Deep is sort of like a string that holds together many different beads.  And so ... I thought I would share some observations of "this person" who I have been watching  ...

Email:

I get a lot of email for a person who doesn't work.  Most are vendors who want me to spend money.  I usually delete without opening and sometimes un-subscribe.  But every single day I would have about 30 emails - only 5 or so were real.  So I reversed things.  I now un-subscribe as my usual action - and delete a few without opening. What a different!!  This morning only about 8 emails - and most were blog posts I keep up with.  Excellent, Excellent, Excellent!

Kindle and Audio books:

I think I am the fastest downloader east of the Mississippi!!  See it, want it, download it!  Done!  I justified it by telling myself that 'electronically having it' didn't create actual clutter.  True, but clutter isn't only objects.

My Kindle library of books waiting to be read is large.  But I pretty much read my Kindle only when eating and before going to sleep.  The pending titles grow faster than the completed ones.  I now delete offerings from Amazon for Kindle titles without looking further.  If I do happen to see a title I want I just put it on my Wish List for later. (*sigh* next in line will be shortening by Wish List.  Ha!)

The first time I counted the audiobooks on my phone there were 61 titles waiting to be heard.  Today there are 54 books.  Some were deleted because I wasn't interested in them any more, but still ... progress. I will keep my Audible membership but stop buying additional new titles - even at the cheap "daily deals" price  - till the list gets down to about 10 books.  I picked that number out of thin air, but it seems reasonable.

Real Books:

Surprisingly I am reading a few 'actual books.'  You remember what they look like - paper, glue, ink.  I occasionally purchase books - new and used - 'cause I think I want the actual paper copy of a specific title.  Of course, I don't seem to get around to reading all these purchases. I have a collection of maybe 30 books.  No more buying.  I'll read what I have and pass them on when I am done.   The books I am reading right now are:

• The Minimalist Home by Joshua Becker
• A Stash of One's Own by Clara Parks

I'll try to use the library in the future.  We have a great library system.  Taxes pay for that.  May as well make use of it.

Electronic Social Media:

Now here is a brain-drain and time-suck I can probably reduce dramatically ... social media!   I am registered with 4 sites and I seem to participate with only 2.

• Instagram - Joined this recently, but seldom visit.  I instinctively don't like the Instagram messages I get that tell me "So and So is now following you."  I don't know So and So.  Why would So and So follow a stranger (me) that isn't famous, isn't selling anything, never contributes anything to the site like a picture or comment, and never even visits Instagram anymore?  Just creepy. It goes.
• Facebook - I am a frequent visitor.  My family is out there with pictures and stuff, and several craft websites are there as well.  I have blocked all the religious and political extremists, and the advertisements.  There is a Go Deep Facebook Page.  Reading others' interpretation of this  idea has been interesting.  As long as I can mold my experience by blocking and refusing unwanted people and sites, it stays (even with the bad press recently.)
• Pinterest - I get their emails all the time - lately I seldom open them.  I remember when I joined  up, I told a family member how expansive the world of ideas and projects are on Pinterest. I remember her response - I want less not more! I get it now. It goes.
• Blogger - I put blogging and reading blogs in this category.  It eats up more time than all the others combined, BUT it is important to me - as Marie Kondo would say - It gives me Joy!  It stays!

Where it goes from here I do not know.  Guess I will just have to keep watching "this person" to find out.

Observations of Living in a 55+ Community

Do you ever look back at a major life decision and wonder if you would have made the same decision if you had known then what you know now?

After 2 years of living in a 55+ community, I have made some interesting observations about this style of living and our decision to move here.

When this community was being built in 2007, it was a very popular option for interested seniors.  I understand from some original owners that there was a waiting list for units.  New owners initially fell between ages 55-65 ... younger seniors.  All moved in within a year or two of each other as the development was built.  All had similar motivations and were inspired to make this new style of living successful for themselves.  Newsletters, committees, social activities, and active board of directors (some report an over active board that ruled with an iron fist) were the norm.  Naturally there was an excitement in wanting to make your "new home" perfect.

That is what I briefly know about this communities early years!

I have impressions of how this community has changed over time and what it is now.

We moved into this condo when it was about 14 years old.  When we were searching for a condo we looked for specific things: an evaluator, less living space to manage, lower living costs, a reasonable condo fee, pet friendly, geographically close to our kids, and a property that was cared for and financially viable.  We weren't looking for some of the more typical considerations - amenities like organized social activities, business center services, or exercise equipment.  In fact, we were initially not even looking for a senior community and we were looking for places without those typical amenities.  The fact there is no newsletter or committees or social calendar is just fine with us.
we did not want to pay for things we would not use - those amenities comes with a high dollar price tag in the form of elevated condo fees.  Nothing is free.

Some of you were readers of my blog as I struggled with the decision to move and to find the right place.  You might remember just how emotionally draining and exhausting the whole process was.  I have some observations on the pluses and minuses of the decision I made two years ago.  

• Plus: Ease of interior maintenance - since I am the one doing all the maintaining - this is important.  
• Minus: Vanilla is not my favorite flavor - I like variety.  I miss the mix of residents that we used to have - families with young children, singles, Halloween Trick or Treaters.
• Plus:  Definitly cheaper - a big plus.  We have an adequate retirement, but time and inflation can eat into that nest egg.  Expenses are stable here with no large jumps in the condo fee.  No external issues to manage like when the roof leaks or the snow falls.  
• Minus:  Less control over making sure the exterior is repaired and maintained.  Property ages.  Halls need painting, hall carpet needs replacing ... now at 16 years old, this property needs on going maintenance. 
• Plus:  Quieter - neighbors are more considerate of how they live their lives and how it might impact others than in more vibrant younger communities. 
• Minus:  Moving after 55 - at least for me - means leaving behind a place called home of 30 years.  That same feeling will be unlikely here. 
• Plus:  More time for me and my personal pursuits.  
• Minus:  Some folks who live here are aged past the point of being independent safely.  That is an issue everywhere, but when you live in a senior community, it is more evident.
• Plus:  You can build new friendships among your peers when you are surrounded by your peers!  I have been very lucky to make several friends in this community.  

Nothing is perfect - every style of living after a certain age carries some concerns.  We certainly could not have anticipated some of my minuses and pluses when making this decision two years ago.  But despite the minuses - I am still content with our choice.

It is nice to know that!

Glad that looking back didn't result in regrets!

To keep or not to keep - such a question.

Once again I am focused on de-cluttering.

My de-clutter history is limited to infrequent clean outs, sort throughs, pitching, donating re-org days. Whole days. Those days would be preceded by some big emotional event, a bad mood, or a major frustration that would launch me into a whorl wind of activity aimed at lighting my "stuff inventory". Lightening my stuff made me feel lighter and less overwhelmed. My stuff inventory still remains frighteningly high even after years of such frantic episodes. Obviously these clean out episodes haven't come frequently enough.

So I am breaking the "whole day" clean outs, and doing some stuff each day - areas that randomly come to my attention.

In addition, my previous habit of doing a "once thru" on evaluating what stays and what goes and calling it finished seems faulty for me. I did a once-through on books recently - got rid of alot. And when I looked at the "keep" books again a few days later, more popped out asking to be sent to a new home. I believe I get emotionally attached to stuff which clouds my decision making on "to keep or not to keep" and once I thin the crowd of things under review, doing a further review of the same stuff makes tossing stuff easier. And I always feel good making space, thinning the "stuff load" at my house.

Feeling good in getting rid of things is probably just a personal quirk of mine, but how do you handle the act of shedding stuff? How do you decide what to keep and what to toss? Are you a keeper or a tosser by nature? And how does it make you feel once you have lightened your load?

I am off to tackle some other areas that have come to my attention - pockets of belongings that are no longer needed in my life. And while I am doing this physical de-clutter task, I am doing a mental inventory of the same kind - deciding what to keep and what to discard so that I can lighten my load mentally and emotionally as well.

Today's walk and Today's lesson

The walk today was beautiful. The snow still clings to the all the trees and plants in a way that is reminiscent of a holiday card. This storm surely did cause havoc in our area, but it left beautiful scenes behind. My walk today was very hit or miss. Most side walks were cleared in my area, but sometimes I was forced to step into the street. It wasn't a major problem.

And the walk gave me some very needed private time to sort through my turbulent thoughts. December and January have been difficult months in our household. So much of this time has been spent sick, fatigued, worried, angry, or upset. It has drained me so much that I hardly sleep at times, and find keeping focused on the regular things of life difficult. Peace has been missing, and I wanted to find a way to get it back. Strangely, the answer didn't come in my walk.

I read a posting from a blog I follow: The Totally Together Journal by Stephanie O'Dea.

http://totallytogetherjournal.com/permission-granted/

I encourage you to check it out. Stephanie O'Dea is also the author of two crock pot cooking books (Make It Fast, Cook It Slow and More Make It Fast, Cook It Slow - both excellent books.) The focus of this post was to be happy! In fact, the title "Permission Granted" refers to permission being granted to be happy! Her blog post reminded me that happiness is a choice. And recently I was watching an old Monk TV show and the same theme - Choose to be happy! - was part of the story. Both the blog and the TV show seemed to have a message directly aimed at me.

By nature I am a happy person. I have had times in my life when the problems have seemed overwhelming. I have always found a way to bounce back. Big changes are happening in my life once again, changes beyond my control - and change always carries its own stress. I need to stay focused on the gift nature gave me, the ability to be happy, to choose happiness and then peace will return. I am sure of it.

Thanks, Stephanie.

Time and Choice - thoughts

Ask anyone you know, there is never enough time to include all the things we want in our lives. There is work, family, exercise pursuits, the housework, cooking, pets, friends, and if you are lucky, there is leisure. Fitting in all the commitments, meeting all the expectations, dealing with the frustrations and short comings of each - simply stated - keeping all the "balls in the air" never seems to fit within the scope of 24 hours. Even if you love all these things, too many things cause stress. And living with the constant pressure can wear you down physically and emotionally. I know. I have been there.

Years ago I had a job that seemed to absorb most of the available hours in the day. An argument can be made that I let it - but the fact was there was no "me" time. My husband and I made pretty good salaries, and we felt the trade-offs for not having enough time were worth the money. What little time was not spent working, was devoted to family issues. The kids were teens and needed pieces of our time. I couldn't ignore them - they weren't adults and we weren't finished raising them. And when we could carve out recreation, it was always expensive recreation. We had the money and we needed big change to get a break from our regular overwhelming lives. But I never sat down to read a book, or knit or take walks or find any time for "me". Even when I watched alittle TV at night, I had work on my lap. When I think back on that time, I think of it as a sad time.

After years of living like that, I looked in the mirror. The person looking back at me seemed like a stranger. I saw everything in black and white - right or wrong. I didn't have time for shades of gray. I stopped caring about the needs of others, even with some people very close to me. They were all functioning adults, they needed to take care of themselves, and if they seemed to step out of line the least little bit - whether it was true or not - I moved on. No time for that. Relationships take time. I didn't have time. I was busy, busy, busy. It was a super-sized life. And I never once considered that maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was trying to squeeze too much into 24 hours. Maybe I was the one who was falling short in managing my own 24 hours.

Since then I quit that job. And I eliminated many optional things (I kept the kids - and I am glad I did 'cause they turned out sensational.) Yes, we had less money. We had to "make-do" more often. But we survived and the person I saw in the mirror after a time was someone I recognized once again - because all the qualities in me that I hold dear weren't really gone, they were just beaten down with "not enough time".

I have decided to stop wishing for more time. We all have the same 24 hours. I am the manager of my own personal 24 hours. If I am unhappy with the way my own 24 hours plays out, I am the only one who can do anything about that. And that is where choice comes in.

It has been my mantra years. "You always have a choice." You have the choice to quit a job that is too demanding, to get another one even if it pays less. You have a choice to leave the house dirty or to hire a house keeper. You have a choice to say "no" to commitments that might be more than you can manage at present. You have a choice to eliminate stressers from your life (Keep the kids, though! That worked out great for me). Taking those steps can be difficult, making hard critical choices about what needs to go and what can stay in your life is really really hard. But it is worth it if you are still recognizable when you look in mirror. I have decided that time and choice are intimately linked.

My life is simpler now. I learned that lesson very well years ago. Keep it simple. We don't have the money we once had, but we have more time. I didn't say I wasn't busy - there are days when I feel like I am just treading water. Care giving is often that way. But it is simpler - mostly because I made it that way. When mom was hospitalized, I knew exactly what to do when I felt overwhelmed. I cut my life to the bone - and focused on only those things that mattered in that moment - and at that moment it was mom. It was still stressful, but not impossible.

And for those who would argue that I have simplified this whole topic too much, that there are some lives that are impossibly busy, overwhelming, and can't be avoided ... I would say ... there are always choices.

Always.