The Red and the Gray

by James Babbs

I’m really good at it
sitting at the kitchen table
gazing into the dying light
I see the red and the gray
mixing together in the sky
and there’s a half-emptied bottle of wine
on the table next to my glass
I reach over and slowly
pour myself another one
feel the heat crawling on my face
thinking about
how most things don’t really matter
the sound the sump pump makes
coming from the laundry room
down in the basement
reminds me of an elevator
moving up through the floors
the light on the pole outside
switching on automatically
it shines across the dead grass
lights up my whole back yard

Before Thisfor Selina

by James Babbs

there was an emptiness in my heart
too many nights
strolling along the edge of the abyss
before this
I was the weird guy
waiting in the other line
the stranger who ate alone
at the table with too many chairs
now
when I look at you
I see the light dancing in your eyes
something I’m certain
you would never confess
knowing anything about
you don’t make it easy
your kisses
pulling something from me
you leave me
always wanting more
sometimes
when you touch me
I shiver
the sound of your laughter
like cats on the piano
walking across the keys
the warm silence
when I hold you close to me
sweeter than any song
before this
the road in front of my house
now
some place where I belong

At the Mall

by James Babbs

he walks with a limp
hair as white as snow
shuffles over and
sits himself down
on the bench next to me
keeps adjusting his leg
until he’s comfortable
looks at me and grins
what’s a young guy like you
sitting down for
he asks
I grin right back
tell him
I’m not that young
and I like to come here
and watch people
I hear him chuckle
but his face
doesn’t seem to change
me too he says
but when you get to be my age
you’ve pretty much seen it all

Yellow Crop Duster

by James Babbs

I hear the roar before I see it
and the sun brightens the color
against the blue of the sky
the plane makes a sharp turn
before swooping down again
coming in low over the corn
the pesticide like smoke
billowing from the rear
so close
I can see the pilot’s face
and I try to imagine
my own self up there
flying above the green fields
holding it straight
before suddenly pulling up
at the last possible moment
soaring into the light

Marshall County

by James Babbs

I was willing to drive
for more than an hour
because
I wanted to see her
but she kept looking through me
I don’t think
she ever really saw me
I don’t think
she ever knew who I was
or who I wanted to be
her beautiful green eyes
catching the light and
throwing it around the room
I remember
how I held her
the way we kissed in the dark
desperate
waiting for morning to come and
the warmth of our bodies
trying to protect us
the cold relentless and
I dreamed
I could hear it
hammering against the walls
some kind of warning
I should’ve known
it was only a matter of time

Astronomy

by James Babbs

tonight
out here
looking at the stars
scattered across the sky
but I don’t know their names
maybe
if I had to I could find
the big and the little dipper
but I never took the time
to study the constellations
not the way other people have
no
for the most part
I just stayed inside
drinking
as much of the wine
and beer as I could
while the lovers held hands
and strolled together
into the darkness
I heard they made wishes
and sealed them with a kiss
maybe
they were hoping for something more
but I always felt better
after I’d been drinking
when I was drunk I felt like
I could float above the ground
I wonder where they are
now

In Herefor Spencer

by James Babbs

he comes in here
almost as much as I do
he doesn’t drink as many beers
but he sits down and has a few
talks a lot about the Packers
you know
the Green Bay Packers
Lambeau Field
the National Football League
he knows I’m a Bears’ fan
and that’s why he does it
but it’s all in good fun
and he always talks about Bart Starr
he can’t go just one time
without mentioning his name
and I’m not really sure why
I know the Packers have won
more championships than the Bears
but I say to him
look
I don’t want to hear about
Bart Starr anymore
I tell him
you can talk about Brett Favre
you can talk about Aaron Rodgers
anything at all
just don’t mention
Bart Starr anymore
hell
I don’t know why
it bugs me so much
then he laughs and asks me
what I think of
Cutler’s new contract
I tell him well
it’s probably worth it
if he can get us to the big game
then I buy him a beer
and say look
at least we both hate the Vikings
he slaps me on the back
and says oh yeah
you got that right

Countdown

by James Babbs

full moon bright
in the early morning sky
and I’m out in the driveway
pissing into the wind
when I’m finished
I zip up and
stagger back inside
nine empty bottles
on the kitchen table
all in a row
like tired soldiers
standing at attention
waiting to be dismissed
I walk over to the fridge
and pull out number ten
bouncing the cap
neatly into the garbage can
I lean back
take a long slow drink

In the Open

by James Babbs

I ordered the chicken fingers
with a side of onion rings
because I like them
better than the fries
early on a Wednesday
on my way back home and
I see the madman’s reflection
there in the window
before I go and sit down
the disheveled madman
who keeps following me around
and no matter where I am
I always find him
out there in the open
moving around in the light
reminding me the whole time
of somebody else and
some days
he looks old and tired
some days
he looks as if
he has nowhere left to go
the disheveled madman
like he’s waiting for something
I hear him laughing
every time I turn my head

This One Doesn’t Have a Title

by James Babbs

according to the bathroom scale
I’m up to 250 pounds
the heaviest I’ve ever been
I know I’m fat and need to lose some weight
I’ve never tried to pretend
I’m thin and beautiful
but I have gone past mirrors
and stopped to look at myself
thinking I wasn’t too bad
after all
I still have my own hair
and all of my own teeth
even my wisdom teeth
at the back of my mouth
I’ve heard some people have trouble with them
when they start coming in
but I never did
and I never had to have my tonsils out
I still have all my original parts
and the only bones I’ve ever broken
were two small ones in my right foot
after a large box of laundry soap
fell on it many years ago
when I worked the night shift at Wal-Mart
and didn’t weigh near as much
as what I do now

Across the Field

by James Babbs

across the field and
out past the trees
where the creek bends and
makes its way
through the tall grass
that’s where they found her
dead for several days
her body decomposing
a place where I drive past
every morning
on my way to work and
when they gave her name
that night on the news
I didn’t know who she was
but I kept going to the window and
looking out at the darkness
the lights in the distance
not sure of what it was
I was trying to see

Ranch Dressing & a Couple of Extra Napkins

by James Babbs

sitting here alone
waiting for my food to arrive
I sip at my sweet tea
and watch the little boy and girl
in the booth across from me
arguing back and forth
fighting over the silverware
until the mom snatches it from them
and the dad glares
points his finger and says to them
no more
I look at my phone
checking the time
but I don’t have anywhere to go
checking to see
if I have any messages
when I know I don’t
but I look anyway
and the old man laughing
with the guy at the register
the old man nodding
as he heads for the door
and I hear the guy at the register
telling him to have a nice day
and when the waitress brings my food
she gives me some of her smile
asking me
if there’s anything else I need
and I tell her
maybe some ranch dressing
for my onion rings
and a couple of extra napkins
she says sure
and she’ll bring me another tea
I watch her walk away
knowing she’s probably too young
for me to think about her
but I do it anyway
biting into my burger
holding it over the plate
just in case anything falls out

Lost

by James Babbs

after all these years
I’m still that little boy
who got lost in the department store
when he was only six years old
I still get scared at night
listening to the wind blow
especially
after I’ve been drinking
when I’m lying here alone and
I can’t get to sleep
I remember how it felt
going up and down the aisles
tears running down my face
wondering
if I’d ever see my parents again
both of them dead now
and the wind keeps rattling the blind
until I get up and close the window
standing there for a moment
looking around the room

Sweet Nothings

by James Babbs

the bottle talks to me
when I walk past it
sitting there on the table
it asks me
what are you waiting for
and I reach out
brushing the label
lightly with my hand
before tracing the edges of it
with my finger
I pull cans of Coke from the fridge
pour some into my glass
lifting up the bottle
and I stand there
holding it in my hands
before mixing some of it in
then stirring it
slowly with a straw
and the bottle talks to me
it tells me
this is something good
and every time I touch it
I hear it whispering
yes
yes
yes
later in the evening
when I’m moving around the room
when the room starts moving around me
I hear the bottle laughing
and in the small hours of morning
when I start to fall asleep
the heavy taste of it
lingering on my tongue

It’s a Few Minutes Before Two

by James Babbs

and I have to take a piss
I throw off the blankets
and sit on the edge of the bed
I was dreaming about
the dog I had
when I was a boy
then recalling for a moment
the woman I had coffee with
just a couple of weeks ago
we had a pleasant enough conversation
but I guess we didn’t connect
I get up
and head to the bathroom
I have two of them
one here in the bedroom
and another one down the hall
I want to check my phone
see if I have any new emails
I wonder
how long it will take me
to go back to sleep

Something Unexpected

by James Babbs

sitting in my car
on another chilly morning
just waiting in the parking lot
before going into work
I watched a couple of black birds
one bird chasing after the other
and the black bird being chased
carried a piece of bread
holding it with its beak
at least
that’s what it looked like to me
then the black bird with the bread
suddenly
let it drop and
I watched it
falling through the air
but before the bread hit the ground
the other bird snatched it up
both of them turning
before flying away
and I sat there
a little while longer
thinking hey
that was kind of cool

One of the Best

by James Babbs

of course
it was saturday night and
there wasn’t much going on
I was into my third or fourth drink
when I called the bartender over
and told him
I wanted to buy one for the lady
sitting at the other end of the bar
from where I was sitting
she looked better than alright
she looked like
one of the best I’d ever seen
at least around there anyway
when the bartender
set the drink down in front of her
and pointed over at me
I raised my glass
and gave her smile
she came bouncing on down
and took the stool next to mine
her jeans were so tight
they looked like
they were holding on for dear life
a few hours later
when we were back at my place
she peeled them off
and I felt like
I wanted to hold her the same way
and it was good
really good
it may even have been great
I was too drunk to know for sure
but she ended up spending the week
then she told me
she needed to go get her stuff
and I told her okay
we brought everything back to the house
and got her all settled in
so there we were
just the two of us
staring at each other
from opposite sides of the room
let’s have a drink I said
and I took down the bottles
and started mixing things up
she said oh that’s nice
after she tried it
and she asked me what it was called
I said sometimes love’s beautiful
but it’s mostly a pain in the ass
and then I held my breath
but when she laughed
I knew it was going to be okay
so we drank all night
and she danced for me
and then I danced for her
and the next morning
we rolled ourselves out of bed
and started all over again
endless days and nights
until she started getting restless
and wanted to go other places
and meet other kinds of people
what’s so great about people I said
and I laughed
then I emptied my glass
well she said
it’s just because you think
you’re better than everybody else
and I said so
what’s wrong with that
and she stormed out
and slammed the bedroom door
I mixed another drink
and I sat there drinking it
I didn’t have nay place to go
I didn’t want to go anywhere
I felt warm
I felt pretty good
and I knew
it was going to be a long night

Waiting For a Beautiful Woman

by James Babbs

she shows up
ten minutes before three
because
she works second shift
except on Wednesdays
that’s her day off
and every other Sunday
but I never come on Sundays
I stay home
because
I like to watch football
she’s wearing red today
she always looks good
but I really like it
when she wears red
sometimes
after I’ve watched her
get out of the car
and disappear inside
I drive a couple blocks
down the street
and hang out at the bar
because
I have nowhere else to go
I sit around drinking a few beers
flirting with the waitress
the heavy-set one
with the weird looking eyes
I know I could get her
if I wanted to
but I just like to keep
stringing her along
when the clock reads eleven
I give the waitress a nod
leaving her a big tip
before I drive back
and sit in the parking lot
I really like it
when she comes out
her hair all a mess
dragging herself to the car
some nights
she just sits there
both of us in the dark
waiting
before I hear the engine
of her car starting up
sometimes
I wonder what she’s doing
what she might be thinking about
and I ache inside
wishing I could hold her
and I can’t stand it
longing to feel her
moving against me
and I just want to
whisper in her ear
pushing the strands of her hair
away from her face
telling her not to be afraid
pulling her closer to me
saying
everything’s going to be okay

Columbus Day

by James Babbs

in 1492
Columbus sailed the ocean blue
with the Nina
the Pinta
and the Santa Maria
but now all I care about
is not having to go to work
but I still get out of bed
at my regular time
get dressed
and eat some breakfast
before driving to the cemetery
why the cemetery?
why today?
no reason
I just wanted to go somewhere
and I hadn’t been there for awhile
so I walk through the gate
and stand over my parents’ graves
looking at the headstone
both of their names carved on it
and the dates that never change
I feel the wind blow
it makes me shiver
because
it’s much too cold
like November decided
to come early this year
and the sound of chimes
ringing in the air
someone left them here
because
people leave all kinds of things
but I don’t even bring flowers
just my pocket notebook
in case I have the urge
to write something down
I guess
each of us honor the dead
in our own particular way
and next to the graveyard
the pasture’s empty
no cattle today
usually
when I visit the cemetery
the cows gather over there
staring back at me
from the other side of the fence

I’m Waiting for My Ride

by James Babbs

standing on the corner
they told me
what kind of car it was
but I’ve never seen them before
another warm afternoon
the sun brightly shining
I’m getting kind of tired
I hope they come pretty soon
there’s a bar across the street
I see the neon signs
lit up in the windows
I watch a beautiful woman
as she stops at the entrance
before disappearing inside
I pull out my phone
wanting to check the time
I could really use a drink
but I’m waiting for my ride
wondering
if something’s gone wrong
they should’ve been here by now
maybe I should call them
do I have their number
maybe they changed their minds
and forgot to let me know