Dear Pope Francis

 

I know you are a busy man without much time to spare but I am writing to alert you to the existence of a MIRACLE that you most definitely would not be aware of.

To expedite this matter, I have researched the miracle authentication process your organisation uses and I believe that this miracle will indeed stand up to your stringent processes.

It is without a doubt ‘mouth gapingly’ unbelievable.

I  first came across it while I was perusing the Daily Mail newspaper.

I know, please......, please hear me out.

I can understand that right about now you have an overwhelming desire to stop reading and throw this in your wastepaper basket.

Please don't.

I know this tabloid newspaper is a highly unusual and questionable source. However, I keep remembering what I learnt in Bible classes - God is everywhere and in everything. Could that also mean even possibly the Daily Mail?

Since my discovery I have been diligently carrying out my own authentication process. First, I asked a cross section of the public for their honest views about “my find”. And even though people initially took a quick look and then fobbed me off because of my so called “willingness to see the common in an uncommon way”, I persevered.

In order to ensure against any self deception, I then asked ten extremely vain people with a great deal of scientific and practical knowledge in this area, to repeatedly look at this miracle from all angles to see if they saw the same phenomenon I did. (Please note that being the professional I am I did not just rely on the impaired vision of my middleaged friends. I had the foresight to borrow my neighbour's magnifying glass to give this exercise the kind of accuracy and precision it warranted.)

I am delighted to report that every single person agreed with me. Without exception.

I have therefore come to the conclusion that what I see is definitely no illusion. It is indeed a miracle. A miracle that cannot be ascribed to the laws of nature or even human powers.  In this particular case, there has definitely been a supernatural intervention by a MIRACLE WORKER.

So, well ....  

The bottom line Frank is that once you look at this wonder I need the miracle worker’s name and contact details. Pronto.

I am not just asking for purely selfish reasons because hell, as we all know,  vanity is one of the seven deadly sins isn't it? I am actually asking for the benefit of all the millions of aging people across the world who look in the mirror every morning and want to know who that stranger is staring back at them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Here it is.

The Miracle unveiled.

 

 

Can you please tell me how Christie Brinkley looks like this at 60 years old? I am sure you will agree it is a Miracle. Problem is,  she ain’t sayin’ nothin’.

 

Kind Regards

Lilly

(PS. This letter is not designed to make fun of the Pope. He is an absolute breath of fresh air who would probably have a laugh too).

I don't belong in the real World

I come from Planet X.

Oh, you knew that already? Well, I never. You should have said something.

I had to learn this fact from the Daily Show - definitely my kind of satire.

This video is the first of a three part series on Australia. It is on gun control so do not watch it if it may trigger something for you....



Frivolity aside though, don't you think we have a lot to learn from each other? Country to country, person to person?

I think we bloggers know better than most that no matter what part of the globe we come from we share more things in common than not. Right?

Planet X Australia has a whole lot to learn from other countries. And right now New Zealand, our nearest neighbour is teaching us a thing or two.

And while I know there are Aussies out there who believe that NZ is from another planet, we still need to take a leaf out of her book. Oh be damned, we should just grab the whole bloody book. And run with it.

You see Gay Marriage has just become legal in NZ.

And even though it's a tiny country of 4.4 million people (no, I have excluded all the sheep), it happens to be very progressive in the ways that count. 

NZ was also the first country in the world to grant women the vote in 1893.  Imagine. It took Australia another 18 years to do the same, the USA till 1920, UK 1928, Italy 1946, Bahrain 2001.....

So I am assuming, based on history, that it's going to be a long time before our government passes similar same sex marriage legislation. (Note, there are about 12 countries that have passed similar legislation now, including Canada).

If you want to be convinced watch this NZ Member of Parliament make a very entertaining pro-gay marriage speech. It's truly superb no matter what your views on the topic.

I so wish our Parliament could not only be that progressive but our politicians be that funny .....I might actually take them all a bit more seriously then.


                                                

Powerful hey?

______________________________________________________________
Update 28/4 - for anyone interested here is Part 2 and 3 of the Daily Show's three part series on Australia. Just be assured that our politicians are no better than anyone else's though.

Les Miserables, they say,

is a very moving film.

And it seems my nieces, Caitlin and Taylor were moved in somewhat different ways when they saw it this week.

This pic, taken as they were walking out of the cinema by their sister Erin, is the best film review ever.

Absolutely no words required.

And sweet Taylor, your reaction won me over. I am going to see it next week. I personally love a good cry.

Has anyone else seen it yet and what was your reaction? 

________________________________________________________

Thank you to Joanna at the Fifty Factor for the great Christmas giveaway I won at the end of last year. It is a beautiful hand made decoration courtesy of Attila the Mom and Highland Roses Design Studio. The Studio is a privately-funded project that provides individuals who live with disabilities and/or mental illnesses as well as their family caregivers an opportunity to step towards independence through the sale of their own arts and crafts creations. They accept no grants or government funding, and are working to become self-sustaining through their own endeavors. Each distinctive ornament is produced by several sets of hands---all working together to create something special! Now, I am all set for Christmas 2013.

Internet meet Daddy Long-Legs...Again

Thanks very much for your varied views on yesterday's post. I appreciate everyone's well considered and interesting comments. It has given me a lot of 'food for thought'.

Today, I wanted to move on and repost a lighthearted post.  It is one that for some strange reason gets lots of views every month from all parts of the World. I'm not really sure why. Maybe people are interested in deadly animals or something.

Some people think we Aussies spend our lives wrestling crocodiles, stepping on deadly spiders and wearing snakes around our necks as some kind of fashion accessory. (Yes Sarah, that would be you!) A myth more than likely created by the popularity of Steve Irwin and Paul Hogan before him.

While we love the outdoors, we don't all wear khaki or carry huge knives just in case we stumble upon a deadly creature.  The Land Down Under is home to many of Earth’s most venomous creatures, such as the inland taipan (whose venom is 50 times more toxic than that of the king cobras) and the box jellyfish where death can occur within three minutes of being stung.

Strangely though, many Australians are unaware that they are sharing their backyard with extremely venomous animals. While the animals in this country may be much more deadly than anywhere else in the world, they are treated with the same amount of thought and respect that others may give to water moccasins or the black widow. Their presence is accepted and there is an unwritten rule that you 'don't mess with the wildlife'.

Like most Australians, I've had my own share of 'wildlife encounters', but only with the world's most deadliest animal.

Which one?

No, I didn't get up close and personal with a BEAR even though they kill up to 10 people across the world each year

Or SHARKS which kill 100 people a year

Or BOX JELLYFISH which kill 120 people a year

Or HIPPOPOTAMI which easily outpace humans on land and kill 150 people a year

Or ELEPHANTS which kill up to 500 people a year

Or BIG CATS which kill around 800 people a year

Or CROCODILES which kill around 850 people a year

Or SCORPIONS which paralyse their prey and cause 2,000 fatalities a year

Or SNAKES which cause up to 125,000 deaths a year.

No, the only animal which has caused me grief and which kills up to 3 million people a year

is the

mosquito.

See, you really don't have anything to fear in visiting Australia. Other than the 17 hour plane flight to get here.

Warning: Please don't frighten the children by clicking on the spider image without warning them - the old boy has a surprised look on his face and very hairy legs!

My dog days are over

It's already been proven on this blog that I am definitely no dog whisperer.

There was this time and then there was that shameful time as well.

However today I thought that it was all going to change.

I was walking along the street and noticed a guy come out of a strange looking building and walk quickly up the road.

Soon after he left, this wee fur ball appeared at the window. 

Talk about puppy love. How cute is he?

 

He looked over at us then he looked down the street perhaps to make sure his owner was safely out of sight. I stood still, curious to see what he would do.  He looked just like a teenager ready to hotfoot it as soon as their parents leave the house.

Is he gone? Looks like it..... woo hoo...Oops not quite...act casual....la de da de da.

 

And what followed?

 

 

The adorable little creature jumped over the ledge, and hotfooted it to the cafe next door. Then he leapt onto an outdoor table and took some poor kid's lunch off her plate. 

He then took off down the street followed by trails of lettuce, tomato, onion and beetroot. 

 

I ran after him trying to catch him - which meant not only did he have time to eat the whole hamburger but he could have also ordered dessert and relaxed with his feet up over a cappuccino if he felt so inclined.   Now you can laugh..and ask why...it's not like I was going to rescue a hamburger was it...

 

Look at his fat and full cheeks. After his junk food fix, he went back home.  Probably to play computer games.

  

He is in need of a hair cut and bath, no doubt always hungry, engages in risky behaviour, looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, doesn't listen to a word anyone says, lauds it over little kids and knows that no-one is fast enough to catch him. Yep, so very like a few teenagers I know (and have also chased down the street, for similar outcomes I have to say).

Can you find the hamburger?

This is the last time I will be cooing and fawning over anything cute and photogenic. My dog days are well and truly over.  So in that case, would you like to see a couple of cute cat pictures? You know I have them.

                                           ________________________


Food Products Giveaway closes 28 October 2012 - don't forget to enter.

Beauty Products pack + Limited Edition NESCAFE Gold Colombian Coffee Giveaway closes 28 October 2012 - 5 runners up will also get a coffee pack each - don't forget to enter.

Do you do this too?

In the words of David Attenborough, “Have you noticed this unexplained and rather odd phenomenon taking over the world?”

As for me, I’ve been part of it  for so long that I haven’t really given much thought to how odd it may seem.

To the some who are clearly uninitiated in the art of the multipurpose accessory.

Up or down. Back or forward. Day and night. Always at the ready.

Then he had to spoil it all and ask something that no-one else had put to me before.

“Why? Why do you do that? It’s just bizarre. Are the paparazzi a problem for you or don’t you have pockets?”

 “Maybe”, I said a little defensively, looking around to see if anyone was staring at me like some kind of photochromatic freak show.

 “I just do…..because... it gives me a tactical advantage to….well I'm sure it might if I was a Secret Service Agent."

 Maybe it’s just an optical illusion. Besides, what’s the harm?

 They are practical, useful, functional and pretty stylish if I do say so myself.

And so very comfortable that I forget they are there.

 But as I look around at others, I start to think that maybe it is a little odd. Perhaps even ridiculous.

I glance in the mirror behind. Mmmm. Perhaps he has a point. Is that a Mickey Mouse tiara reflecting back at me.

 It is a restaurant after all. And the night sky is black outside. Maybe it is all shades of wrong for this kind of adornment.

 So I quickly slip them off and tuck them away in my handbag. An unfamiliar resting place.

 My hair falls on my face and I annoyingly push the untethered strands away.

 Am I the only one besides the Hollywood elite and the Vogue fashionistas wearing this misunderstood habit?

 Sometimes I misplace them and search frantically for minutes.

 Only to discover that they have been perched in their resting place all along.

 They are just always there. Waiting to see the light of day or night. Sunny and overcast. Raining and snowing.

 Hiding a multitude of sins, protecting me from cruel light and the occasional flying object and insult.

 Fashion, function, habit? I am not really sure. I just really, really like wearing a UV protecting tiara on my crown.

So, do you wear sunglasses on the top of your head?

The beautiful art of Danny Roberts. You can see more of his work on my Inspiration blog.





How the hell did you get my number?

Image courtesy of www.thevine.com.au

  

I recently found some great tips on Kate’s blog about how to turn the tables on pesky telemarketers.

And I have to admit that I have been keen to try them out because telemarketers have been really annoying me of late, particularly those from Charities.

As a rule I never answer a call on my mobile from an unknown number because I assume if someone wants to speak to me they will leave a message.

Last Friday I received a few calls from an unknown number but no message was left.

When the phone rang for the fourth time, I decided to answer the call. I just knew that it was someone trying to sell something.

“Hello”, I said in a cheery, you have no idea what’s coming next, kind of voice.

“Hi, how are you, it’s Paula calling from Readers Digest.”

Silent groan. How many times have I been that close to winning that $500,000 sweepstakes, Paula? Phone calls, emails, snail mail.

“Hi Paula, I am so grateful you rang to find out how I am because these days no-one seems to care. And as it happens I really need someone to talk to because I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore and to top it off my dog just died."

Dead silence.

She finally asked, “Is that Lilly or have I got the wrong number?”

“Yes, it’s Lilly but I am actually kind of busy at the moment so if you could give me your home number I will ring you back later tonight.”

“No, no”, said Paula, “I am actually at work not home so how about I ring you back tomorrow morning.”

“Oh", I said in my most empathetic tone, "so you don't want anyone bothering you at home Paula, I totally understand. Well now you know exactly how I feel. Please can you delete my details from your data base because I am not interested in winning your sweepstakes and I certainly don't want to be contacted again.”

“Lilly, hang on a minute", she said a bit more forcefully. “I just wanted to know if it was you who submitted a story to us for publication.”

Oh sheesh....

"A story?" I mumbled.

“Yes, about a dog", she said.

“Mmmm, come to think of it I may have done that online, on a whim, late one night”….(a failing memory is a terrible thing especially when I just told her the dog had died).

“Well, she said, “we thought your story was really sweet and we would like to publish it in December.”

Oh. My. Goodness.

“I am so sorry Paula, I….would love you to publish it. When I heard you say Reader’s Digest I just thought that you were trying to sell me something. I feel kind of foolish." 

“That’s ok, I understand” she laughed. "You have to remember that there are some good parts of Readers Digest too (and does that confirm that there are indeed some bad parts). I will put the contract in the mail.”

So, my only advice to you is if you pick up the phone, wait to find out exactly what the caller wants before trying to derail them with any terrorist strategies. It might save you some embarrassment.

At least we now know that Reader’s Digest is willing to publish the work of complete nutters. Just ask Paula and she will undoubtedly confirm it.

I also wanted to tell you all about an international flash fiction competition that everyone should enter.

For the International Museum of Words competition you only have to write a story with a maximum of 100 words. The prize is $20,000 and a trip to New York. The three runners up win $1,000. Now that is a good return on a 100 word effort wouldn’t you say?

The competition closes on 23 November 2012 and you can submit 2 stories per entrant. The winner will be announced in early 2013 - I am sure there will be a lot of entries to read. You can find out more and enter here.

There's a bear in there...

and people as well..

When we walked into her living room I noticed this adorable large teddy bear sitting on a chair.

I walked over to it and couldn't help but pick it up and give it a cuddle.

I should have learnt my lesson about being so free with my love.

Sometimes things aren't what they seem. At all.

"Oh" she said as she rushed over to me, "this is David."

"He is lovely and ...quite heavy" I said.

She then took the bear gently from me, patting its back as she held it tightly.

She then went on to tell us that 'David' was her son.

I looked at my mother and rolled my eyes. Clearly her neighbour was a lonely old nutter.

The lady told us that David died when he was 24 and she had decided to sew his ashes into his childhood bear.  That way she was still able to hug him and talk to him whenever she wanted.

She even takes him for outings in the car every weekend. That bear, or David sorry, probably has a better social life than I do!

I am really, really immature as you know, but I found it all really weird and very uncomfortable.

Death is fine. Inevitable. I don't have issues with that.

In fact, I am going to be cremated one day myself but there is no bloody way I want someone sewing my ashes into my old teddy bear (even though he could use some filling the poor old thing). And while I've always wanted a body like Barbie I don't want anyone taking her head off, pouring me in and putting me on the mantelpiece to live my barbie girl dreams, either.

Yes, totally and absolutely ridiculous.

But now I have become a bit obsessed about the whole ashes thing. What will I decide to do with mine? No, I am not going to let my daughter decide after the event because she is sure to accidentally misplace me. She has a habit of losing things on the tram, at bars, shops, on planes, so who knows where I would end up?

Besides, people do strange things with their loved ones leftovers.

I recall being at a football stadium in Scotland and seeing some fan's ashes being scattered on the pitch just before a game started. All I could think about was the poor footballers who were going to be slipping and sliding all over the pitch and would end up being covered in someone else by the end of the game.

No-one else seemed to have an issue with it. Just me.

So what other options are there? I started googling for ideas. Jesus Christ is all I am saying.

Did you know that Maurice Gibb's (Bee Gees) ashes, for example, were turned into some diamonds and shared around the family.

What about being put in a rocket and blasted into space?

Or scattered whilst on a ride at Disneyland.

There is a man who keeps his wife in his bed on the same side she slept for fifty years.

Or the people who mix their loved ones ashes with clay and turn them into coffee cups or ornaments.

Or what about becoming your very own snow globe?

My favourite would have to be this one. Get ready.

Your ashes can actually be made into food grade vitamin tablets that can strengthen your surviving family for years to come.

Imagine. You can actually be eaten by your relatives. Hopefully I would cause them severe indigestion if they tried that on.

I am not doing any of this. I personally don't want my ashes to have more of an exciting time then I got to have when I was alive.

So they are getting buried.....anywhere. Don't mind where but it needs to happen quickly before anyone has any funny ideas.

So tell me, what are your views about this whole keeping of ashes thing. Is it just me or is it all a little odd? Or am I missing something?

Topless photos of Kate Middleton

It is not only France's Closer magazine which has the scoop.

I have topless photos of Kate Middleton to share too.

Merci beaucoup.

Not sure what the fuss is about. Do you?

First Harry. Then Kate.

Let this be a warning to Camilla and Charles who are visiting Australia soon. We have the best beaches in the world, a really laid back lifestyle and are used to turning a blind eye. However, while I am sure you both have lots to show us, DON'T even think about it. No, I am serious.

Our paparazzi are deadlier than our spiders. Just sayin'.

Have a great weekend everyone. Rejoice in your anonymity and your freedom to do what you want in your own time without pesty photographers following your every move..

Miss Molly had a Dolly...once upon a time

But now it seems she's moved onto something else.

Can you believe it?

Never ask me to dogsit your precious pooch because as past experience will show, I am definitely no dog whisperer.

I swear I was only talking on the phone for 5 minutes. Next thing, I found Molly inside the off limits house, snoozing on the off limits leather couch cradling the off, off, off limits iPad.

It could have gone so wrong if I had not found her when I did.

I just hope she doesn't have an online gambling problem.

And speaking of dogs I have to tell you about the clever Labrador I came across on my road trip.

As I was booking into a Motel one evening I noticed a black Labrador sitting just outside the office.

As the Receptionist told me my room number and handed me the key I noticed the dog walk off.

Then as I parked the car outside the room I noticed the Labrador sitting at the front door. As I walked towards the door he came over to me, nodded his head and walked off. I later mentioned this to the Receptionist and she said he does the same with all the guests. He hears her tell them the room number and then he goes to the room and waits at the door until the guest arrives.

So even though Molly clearly surfs the net in her downtime do you really think that dogs can understand and read room numbers?

"Women can’t park

or reverse that well."

Some days, I feel like a walking stereotype.

Today was no exception.

I drove into a long and very narrow lane way this morning to drop something off at the back door of an inner city business.  As I entered the driveway I noticed a young guy cleaning the windows of a nearby shop.

Ten minutes later I got back in my car and started to reverse down the lane way (as it is the only way to get back out onto the road). As I was checking the rear vision mirror, I saw the window washer, complete with his long purple rubber gloves, standing in the middle of the driveway, directing me.

It wasn’t just a hand motion here or there. Rather, he was making some seriously crazy hand actions like those white gloved traffic officers do in Barbados.

It was so bizarre I could not stop giggling.  Those purple rubber gloves.

As I got to the footpath, I wound down the window and said, “Thanks but it really wasn’t necessary as I have done this lots of times before.”

Looking very chuffed with himself, he walked over to the car and said, “Oh that’s ok, it’s just that it's really narrow and I know women can’t reverse or park that well so I thought you would need some help.”

I eyed the nearby bucket of water for a little longer than necessary before I thought better of it and drove off. He meant well surely. Besides, there was no point validating yet another stereotype for him  - menopausal women are crazy @%#@! cows.

Women find it hard to park and reverse?  He was so certain. Like all women?

I thought we had evolved a little further than this. Apparently not. I told this story to a few male colleagues and they all sided with the window washer. Well, after a bit of arm twisting to get them to tell me what they really thought, that is. According to them, there is allegedly one thing women and blind men have in common, their ability to navigate.  One guy told me that if you "tell a woman to turn north, then east and then north again she’d get turned around faster that a frog in a blender."

So many jokes. Whoa, I am glad the men I know usually prefer to take silent pride in their apparent superiority (or maybe that's just because they know that the scorned woman stereotype really exists as well).

I then checked Mr Google, who also clearly loves this stereotype because it threw up an impressive 123,000,000 results when I keyed in “women can’t park”.

There are so many entries about men having better spatial abilities than females and scientific studies proving X, Y and Z and hilarious videos showing women parking or should I say trying to park.  I couldn’t be bothered with any of them until I noticed a recent news story from Germany.

A very game Mayor of a German town has sparked some controversy by introducing "easy" parking spots for women.

Apparently the Mayor introduced the spots because men were better at parking than women.

The women's spaces, which are marked by female symbols, are reportedly better lit and wider, while the men only spots have concrete pillars to negotiate and can only be reversed into. The Mayor said that women were welcome to attempt parking in the men only spots, but that "men are better as a rule at such challenges".

What do you think - how's your parking?

As long as I make it between the lines I am happy.

Slaughterer, Sex worker, shelf filler or lion tamer

Oh phew, the old blog is back without the fancy hair extensions. I will be carefully what buttons I push in future...

I've just been doing my tax return, online of course and just days before the deadline.

I got distracted which is not difficult to do when doing something so engrossing.

Like the classifications of employment.

I mean those lists are long.

Kids have it so lucky nowadays. So many jobs to choose from and literally anything goes.

Now you can be weed controller, weight loss consultant, trolley collector, turf grower, trapper, slaughterer, sex worker, shelf filler, lion tamer and on and on.  I looked for the drug trafficker but I think that's listed under medical professional..(ouch).

When I left school the choices seemed to be well........far less exotic........and there were probably more jobs come to think of it as well.......

Sign of the times

I saw this sign outside a Sports Club - you mean people need to be actually reminded about this?

Made in where?

Once upon a time we were being warned about fake designer goods. Well now it seems we should be aware that people are trying to fake Made in China goods. I bought something yesterday that was clearly a Made in China rip-off. Who'd have thought it!

Fancy a ride

I am loving these bikes that you can hire for short trips around the city. Only problem is that you need to carry a very large handbag to fit your helmet in. And to the person who suggested they hire helmets out as well....two words to you...YUK and NO...

You don't say

I visited this shop yesterday but burst out laughing and had to leave quickly.

I walked in and heard this guy say very loudly to his wife, "Jesus, it looks like a fairy threw up in here". His wife glared at him and almost dragged him out of the shop by his collar....personally, I thought he had a point.

Dear Mr Weather

It is Spring you know. I know you have a hard year but please a little sunshine never goes astray does it? Rain and Hail....(and of course it's a Mr...ever heard of females being so fickle?)

Mother in Law from Hell

I've been thinking a lot about being a mother in law and wondering why some of us become meddling, judgemental, critical, interfering cows when suddenly our children choose their life partner and get on with their own lives.

I am not quite one yet but practising…being a mother in law that is, not necessarily an interfering old cow.

I am trying to be supportive but distant.

I never had mother in law problems just because both (yes twice) of mine had already left this mortal coil by the time I came on the scene so it was pretty much a MIL free zone for me.

And, as for father in laws, well they are never any trouble are they?
I wonder why that is. You never hear of father in law jokes do you???

I think many women become more of a MIL from hell with their son's partners as opposed their daughters. Am I imagining that?

I recall my father’s mother telling me horrific stories about her mother in law. For instance, when my grandmother's mother in law came to her kitchen tea (do they still have those things?) just before her marriage she gave her a beautiful fine bone china dinnerset. However, when the party finished her MIL picked up the present and took it with her. It was all for show. Their relationship never improved her whole married life. Her MIL just didn't think she was good enough for her blonde, blue eyed boy.

The sad part of that story is that my grandmother treated my mother, the wife of her own blonde haired blue eyed son, in a similar way but could never see it at all. A beautiful grandmother and mother but for some reason a problematic mother in law who had to have the attention of her son as often as she could.

Then a friend told me this week that after 15 years of arguments with her mother in law she had made the decision to cut her off completely. She said that her mother in law had tried to cause so much trouble between her husband and herself that they both thought it best to remove themselves from the pressure of never meeting her expectations. They didn’t make this decision lightly but after years of constant conflict and of making no headway with her.

Kind of sad for everyone involved really. What makes some women who seem perfectly lovely people want to become so entwined in their grown children's lives that they create such havoc to the point they are ostracised and cut off from those they love the most?

Do MILs from hell really exist the world over and why?  You know my future son in law will appreciate the advice I am sure....


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Male Wanted

for what exact purpose, I am not entirely sure.

I saw this sign as I was walking past a store yesterday.

Someone is either giving online dating sites a miss and cutting out the middle guy

or

their English needs work and they are really looking for something quite different.

Maybe the first line should have read, Delivery Driver Wanted or maybe they really do prefer the direct approach.

Either way, I am sure the phone enquiries were very interesting.

And of course if you think you can deliver, well you know where to ring.....

Retail Therapy

of sorts


You have to feel for retail staff at this time of year when the world seems to go a little crazy.

However, I laughed out loud when I saw this sign outside a shop window while out Christmas shopping today. The staff were clearly striking back with a healthy dose of humour!

The Dog Days are Over

We've seen a million cute baby videos on YouTube, but this little boy grooving to Florence and the Machine's 'The Dog Days are Over' takes the cake.

If there's ever been any doubt that kids can enjoy music other than The Wiggles, here's proof. It's time to reclaim the car stereo!

Enjoy your Sunday!!!

Made me smile

I walked past a restaurant today and noticed a sign out the front which said,
Since I took over this restaurant I've been sleeping like a baby

Every few hours I wake up and cry my eyes out.

Made me laugh out loud and want to book a table.

Here's a new way to stay in shape

I am not sure where this mountain top house or building is. Anyone know?

It took my fancy. All I know is if I lived there I would be very thin and a recluse. There is no way I would be dragging groceries up those stairs.

Stripped Bare

The economy has been hard on everyone.

Take the poor airlines. Has anyone else noticed how more and more planes seem to be 'dropping out of the sky?'

Even our beloved Qantas Airlines, which is the only airline in the world not to have had a fatal crash since it started flying Boeings, has had numerous 'incidents' in the last 12 months as the result of ‘mechanical failure’. In other words, my words, maintenance has been outsourced where labour is cheaper and standards are more questionable.

Corners are being cut left, right and centre. So all airlines are looking at ways to attract new customers.

My hat goes off to Air New Zealand who has come up with a unique way of trimming the fat and at the same time, giving customers a reason to fly with them.

They recently released an advertisement called Bare Essentials which features body painted staff. Yes, it seems they are giving each staff member a paint by number set to colour in their own uniforms. Imagine the savings!

All jokes aside, they aren't giving up uniforms just yet but the airline has decided to expand its use of body painted staff from advertisements to the in-flight safety video used on 737 domestic flights.

Starting this week, thousands of Air New Zealand passengers will now get their flight safety instructions from staff wearing nothing but body paint.

It hopes to catch the attention of those travellers who ignore the safety video.



As a makeup artist who has done body painting for creative projects, I think there is a time and place. I hope they stop there.

I give them ten points for creative effort but I am still only taking my hat off for them. Nothing else.

At this rate, I wonder how long it's going to take before they change their name to Air Nude Zealand?

To watch the making of the airline's TV advertisesment, click here. You have got to love that Kiwi accent!!

I was over it

before Naomi Watts had even discovered it

I was doing my facercises this morning and the phone rang (I so know you will click the link - if you are under 40, you won’t get it, so truly, don’t bother) .

I cannot reveal who the conversation was with, for fear I may be sued. It went like this,

Anonymous: I am going to make this great chicken soup recipe.

Me: That’s nice. Have you made it before?

Anonymous: No, and I need your advice. It says I need chicken legs and I have been searching for them everywhere and can't find them. Do you think it would be ok if I used chicken drumsticks instead?

Me: You mean I never ever told you that drumsticks were......

Clearly, I was remiss somewhere in her formative years.

It’s entirely my fault you understand. I've always had an aversion to purchasing and cooking dead animals. Not for the usual ethical, religious, economic or health reasons though. But then, you could have guessed as much, right?

Vegetarians please turn away now. There is nothing else to see here.

I do eat meat. I really like it but do not eat much. I do enjoy a juicy steak every now and then but only if someone else cooks it. I will not handle raw meat ever, under any circumstances. It worked really well when living with a Chef who had restaurants. At least, it did once we came to an understanding about what the term 'cooked' actually meant.

My aversion to raw meat and meat handlers in particular, grew from my first experience buying meat at a boutique butchers.

This is what happened. I was 17.

Butcher: What can I do for you love?

Me: Um, I’d like a leg of lamb please? (Aussies, I was into lamb before Naomi Watts chose a lamb dinner over a date with Tom Cruise). Butcher: Do you want the left leg or the right leg.

Me: Um, Um I am not really sure. What's the difference?

Butcher: Well this sheep came from the high country so it grew up on a steep hill. So that means the right leg is far longer than the left.

Me: Oh, I guess I’ll have the right leg then...I suppose.

Butcher: No worries.....as he goes out the back and nearly chokes on his laughter.

I had no idea he was 'pulling my leg'.
While it's funny, I've never gone near a butcher or bought meat since. Seriously.My question to you is this (no, Sarah it's not do you think I need therapy?) - how do you feel about meat. Do you eat it or not?

I try my best to keep your lives as superficial as mine for at least a couple of minutes a few times a week, just humour me.
Notes:

1. Thanks to those who have asked about Des. He is out of hospital, doing ok and being waited on by slaves as a man in his position should expect.

2. Readers of Lilly’s life, yes the real readers and the lurkers who read and dont comment, go put in an entry to the Etsy giveaway on the right. It's a good one. I want it to go to a real reader but you have to be in it to win it. Because random.org decides, not me unfortunately. So far, giveaways have gone to the UK, Canada, USA, India, Estonia, Romania, Australia, Sweden – Lilly’s Life is an equal opportunities giveaway blog. No dogs allowed, though. We all have our limits.