In This Life, We Will Have Tribulations...

And when they had preached the gospel to that city and made many disciples, they returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch, strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.”  

Acts 14:21-22

How does one go about sharing bad news? Is it better to blurt it out or to soften it with poetic words? I'm not sure because bad news cannot be softened really. It's impact on the heart and mind remains the same. So it is with straightforwardness that I share my recent health crisis.

I shared here last week that I have cancer. It's such an ugly word full of fearful connotations and the unknown. When you find out that your cancer is aggressive, those fears ramp up and suddenly life feels very different.

I went to my oncologist surgeon on Monday and was told some hard truths that, frankly, my mind and heart really haven't processed fully yet. I have uterine cancer that is a grade 3. This means it's aggressive and there is a fear of it spreading to vital organs. So here is the process of what will happen next in my life.

They will order a stat CT scan so that we can find out if the cancer has spread to my organs and/or lungs. If it hasn't, I will have surgery on October 9th. If it has, I will have to have chemo therapy to fight the cancer before proceeding with surgery.  The surgery will include a hysterectomy and also removing the lymph nodes that are around the blood vessels of that area. The lymph nodes in the stomach curtain will also be removed.  Everything will be sent to the pathologist to determine if he lymph nodes have cancer.  If they don't, I won't have to do more other than to be monitored every three months.  If they do, I will have to have chemo and radiation.

Oh friends...can I tell you that I am tired and overwhelmed by facing yet another health issue? My mind and body feel like they just can't go forward, yet I must. I know this is a feeling I'm having because I'm in shock right now, but that I will, through God's grace and strength, face this new crisis and fight it with everything I have in me.

However, I need you! I need your prayers and your good thoughts. Sometimes a person needs to know that they are not alone in their fight and this is such a time for me. So, if you would please pray for me, I would so appreciate it! These are my prayer requests:

1. That the cancer has not spread and that we can go forward with the surgery on October 9th. 
2. That the cancer has not spread to the lymph nodes that will be removed during surgery. That it has been contained in the uterus and has gone no further.  

I know that God is more than able to make these things happen. I have seen Him work in my life over and over again in ways that are miraculous and powerful. I pray that it is His will to do so again. 

There is more that I can say, and I will in future posts, but right now I really needed to share the hard facts and ask for your prayers. My heart and mind need all the encouragement I can get! I know that I am no one special and that the troubles of this world fall on the just and unjust (Matthew 5:45) but I also know that I serve and believe in the true God that has comfort and mercy for the afflicted. 

Sing, O heavens!

Be joyful, O earth!

And break out in singing, O mountains!

For the Lord has comforted His people,

And will have mercy on His afflicted.

Isaiah 49:13

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you and thank you for standing with me in prayer. 

Blessings - Julie 

Silly Me...

I've been missing and it's because I over-did (much to my husband's chagrin 😟) and ended up in pain again. I have such a hard time letting other's do things for me! I'm not supposed to lift over 10 pounds or do any strenuous things but I find this SO hard! However, I am going to stop feeling like it's wrong for me to ask for help It has not been a fun week because I've had to just rest as much as possible because I aggravated everything and was just miserable. I know...really dumb on my part.

I'm so blessed to have this girl to hang out with me. This is the look of a content poodle who is getting her back rubbed! 😄🐩

Look at that face! LOL

I wanted to let you know that I'm sharing lots of pictures of Cookie and Mitzi, plus my books, on my new Instagram account. If you're interested in following me (and I hope you are), you can find me here:

MY INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT 

Thank you for stopping by! Hopefully, I'll be back in full force with my personal posts soon.

Blessings - Julie

God's Great Orchestration! (A Very Long Post)

We know that God does amazing things every day. He has done amazing things since the beginning. He is powerful, awesome, and loves us in a way that I don't think I can ever truly comprehend. I am in more awe of Him after everything He orchestrated in my life last week.

On Wednesday, I got up tired and feeling quite low over the situation with the ileostomy. I was feeling a little hopeful because I had an appointment to see a new surgeon but really hated that I had to travel 2 hours from home to see him. The prospect of having surgery 2 hours from home was daunting, as well. It's not fun being so far from home when you're in hospital. It means your family has the burden of getting there and the prospect of friends visiting, is slim to none. Still, I felt this was my only hope or choice.

I have been having to eat early every day because if I don't, I run the risk of being up all night to empty the bag or having it leak. So, I made my main meal of baked chicken, green beans, whole wheat pasta and tomato sauce and ate by 1:00 pm. I was fine for about 30 minutes and then the pain started in my stomach. It felt very much like when I had the stomach flu and I was dreading that as it was a horrible experience with the bag. I felt so bad and was in so much pain, I decided to lie down for awhile and see if it passed. It just kept getting worse and worse. I finally called my husband and he tried to help me. I had a hard time even sitting up and trying to make it to the car seemed like an impossible task but if I had called an ambulance, it would have taken me even longer to get to the Emergency Room that is about 15 minutes from me. Finally, I just gritted my teeth and we got me out to the car and my husband got me to the Emergency Room.

I knew at this point something was horribly wrong because there wasn't much out-put in the bag (I am SO sorry to share all this disgusting stuff with you, but it's just part of the story). They got me back fairly fast and I was so distraught at this point and burst into tears.  They ordered a CT scan and had me drink that horrible preparation. When nothing from this huge drink showed up in the bag - I knew I probably had a blockage. After several hours of waiting, my suspicion was confirmed. I was so overwhelmed and anxious! What  was I going to do?

The ER doctor was so kind and caring. He mentioned a local surgeon that I had never heard of. I was so nervous about having a local surgery because my gastric doctor had made such a big deal out of me going to the big city and seeing a surgeon there. I told them I absolutely did not want them calling my original surgeon but maybe they could call the new one? He said they could but he was going to call the local surgeon that was on call first and see what he thought. He came back and said the surgeon would do the surgery and at the same time, he would want to take down the ileostomy. I was still concerned about doing the surgery locally and really was unsure. The ER doctor sat down and gave me such wise counsel. He said the new surgeon may not even consider doing it because I hadn't seen him yet but we had this local surgeon who was confident and ready to move forward. We had to move fairly quickly because having a blockage in the intestine is very dangerous. Suddenly, I knew. I would have this local surgeon do it! My sweet nurse said that I made a great decision and that if she or anyone in her family had to have surgery, they would go to this surgeon. That made me feel a lot better. They said that they would need to get the medical records from the original surgeon before they could proceed but I had them myself! Because I was going to see the new surgeon, I had them at home and my husband was able to go home and get them!

So, I was admitted to the hospital but the first thing they had to do was put a tube through my nose and down my throat into my stomach. Yes, I was completely awake for this lovely procedure. It had to be done, though, because they wanted to try and remove as much as possible before the surgery. My husband stayed with me in my room (this hospital is so beautiful and they have beds built in for family to stay in the room) and my son was able to come see me after he got off work. What a blessing!

The next morning I was so sick! I had a barf-bag in my hand at all times. The surgeon wanted them to do a test to see how my colon looked before the surgery. Not a pleasant procedure. I was so sick, I ended up throwing up all in my hair. The technician was so kind and took me into the bathroom and washed out my hair as good as she could then gave me one of her own scrunchies and pulled my hair back from my face so I wouldn't have that disgusting mess near my face. Such kindness!

Finally, I saw the surgeon and I was impressed with him immediately. One of the first things he said as he went through the original surgeon's notes was what a mess they were. He said in one area she states that I have an ileostomy (which I do) but then calls it an colostomy, which is something entirely different. He said they were hard to understand and he was clearly not impressed at all. He said that he was going to remove the blockage, fix the hernia, and take down the ileostomy. NO MORE BAG!!

Surgery went well and he said he would keep me at least 7 days in the hospital. That was fine by me! The hardest part of this whole thing was the tube down my throat because they didn't remove it until Saturday and my throat is still sore, but it's a small price to pay. He was so happy with how I was doing, he let me go home on Easter Sunday - 3 days after surgery!

This whole thing was so orchestrated by God! If I hadn't gotten the blockage, I would have never known about this wonderful surgeon right here in my own town. I would still be going around with a ileostomy bag and feeling miserable. The fact that I had the doctor's records was also so great because I'm telling you, had she talked to this surgeon on the phone, she would have said something to put him off doing it. My husband was able to stay with me in my private room and my son came to the hospital every day. This would have been impossible had I gone elsewhere.

I am so, so thankful! I can't tell you how happy I am! I thank God all the time for this miracle He performed in my life that has blessed me so very much. I have a drain on the wound, but that's no big deal, either. For one thing, this surgeon placed it where I can bandage it myself after taking my shower. What a concept! I will see him on Friday and he may remove the drain at that time but, even if he doesn't, I don't care. I am so relieved to have that horrible ileostomy gone!

My parents sent me flowers to the room and here's a picture of me with them

Aren't they gorgeous? Don't you love those little chicks in there for Easter? They also sent me this gorgeous Easter Lily!

My precious Mitzi was so devastated that I was gone from  home for so many days. When I got here, her little eyes were stained from tears. Poor little thing. She's been by my side every moment of the day since I've been home. I missed her as much as she missed me!

I am so thankful to God for all He has done! To be completely finished with the bag and be able to move forward with my life is such a relief and it has lifted a dark cloud for me. He orchestrated everything perfectly and, what seemed like a horrible thing happening to me on Wednesday, was God's way of blessing me on Thursday and forever. He opened all the right doors and made everything work out in the perfect way that only He can!

Blessings - Julie

I'm Tired Of Being Tossed By The Wind

This Scripture has hit me square between the eyes and straight into my soul. God always, always knows exactly what we need.

As I shared in my last personal post, I have been really struggling with all I have been going through over the past six months or so. My faith has been blowing this way and that and, after reading this Scripture, I realized how God reminds us not to doubt.

"But let him ask in faith, with no doubting,

 for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea

 that is driven and tossed by the wind.

-James 1:6

I'll be honest - I've probably read this Scripture before, but sometimes we read things when we aren't struggling with that topic, and it seems interesting, but it doesn't strike a chord with us like it does when we need it. 

It has totally changed how I have been praying for the past few days. I definitely do not want to be tossed about like a wave. Can you imagine how much satan loves when we doubt? Oh, dear friends, this just opened my eyes and heart; it made me realize how I've been just putty in that evil one's hands because I've been doubting that God will work all this out. 

Enough of this doubting and my faith is being pumped up daily by spending serious time in the Word and in prayer. 

I do have an update for you all regarding this new surgeon. I called down to his office on Thursday and she said that the doctor had looked at my medical records and he didn't think it was serious enough (I'm not sure if this is the exact wording she used) for him to do. My heart sunk when I heard this BUT... she then went on to say that he wanted me to see his colleague. Yay! So, two things here to be happy about - that he didn't think my situation was real serious and that I will get to see a new surgeon! 

I was also so relieved when she said he could see me on March 30th. When I saw the first surgeon, it was 3 months before I got in and, had I seen the surgeon that I was referred to, they said it would be at least a month. To be able to go see him so soon and get some answers and talk with him about doing the reversal surgery is such a relief. I'll have to travel out of town again 2 hours away, but I will have my husband and my son with me. That was another thing to be thankful for - my son is off that day and is going to go and see what he thinks of this surgeon.

I'll be honest...I'm still a bit nervous but my faith is in the Lord and I am going to hold tight to the Rock and not allow myself to be tossed about! 

Thank you so much for your prayers and I would be so thankful for your continued prayers!

I wanted to share this beautiful song that just came out. Natalie Grant is the featured vocalist on this song and the words just touched my heart! Such a beautiful reminder of who Jesus is!

Blessings - Julie  

The Deep, Dark Place

I would love to tell you that I am strong, going forward with determination and joy. However, I can't honestly tell you that. I have been struggling so much with what I'm going through with this ileostomy and the waiting and wondering of what's going to happen. The uncertainty wreaks havoc with my mind and I have days that are dark and dismal. I know all the things the Lord tells us in His Word but some days it's hard to believe it in my heart. The darkness descends and the enemy whispers his fearful thoughts into my ear and I believe each and every negative thought. The one thing the evil one reminds me over and over is that God is punishing me for some horrible thing I’ve done (I’m never sure what this horrible thing is) and that He doesn’t really care about me at all. This, my friends, is a deep, dark place to be. 

I am still waiting to hear from the new surgeon’s office. They have had my records nearly two weeks and it has been torture waiting. I still don’t know if he will even see me, let alone fix this mess I’ve been left with. My heart tells me to have faith and hope but my mind reminds me that I have been down long, horrible roads before and this could be an endless one. 

I try very hard to not talk about my issues too much. Frankly, most people don’t want to hear about it, and if they do, they want the condensed version. I understand this but sometimes the road gets too lonely...the pit too dark. We all need people to come along side us to shine the light into the darkness and remind us we are not alone. Yes, in my soul, I know God is there but how good is it to have real, human contact in these hard places. 

This is where I am right now. Struggling to reach those rays of light and hold dear the promises from the One who holds our lives in His loving hands. I pray that I will feel them on my face and be able to touch the promises of healing through Jesus and the human hand of a skilled surgeon that the Lord will use. My heart longs for the prayers of others to sustain me and to help carry me through. 

Blessings - Julie 

Sunday Thoughts

It's been a difficult week for me. I started getting sick last weekend with, what I thought, was a mild cold. It soon developed into a huge cold and I've been coughing so hard it hurts. I don't have any kind of infection, just this annoying cough and weakness that makes me not able to do much. There has been so much sickness in my area, and I'm sure in your area, too. So many people are sick with colds or that horrible flu. I'll be glad when I'm past this!

I have an update on my my health issues and my future surgery to reconstruct everything back. I saw my surgeon and I learned things I did not know. I thought perhaps she had told me while I was coming out of the anesthesia (something she just loves to do!) but when I asked my husband and son if they knew some of this stuff, they said they had never heard it either!

Evidently, I have an abscess in my colon and the section of colon itself was so horrible, she was unable to remove it! It is still there and her plan is to remove it during the reconstruction after I've healed. She said that when she tried to do anything to my colon during the first surgery, it basically just fell apart in her hands. Bleah. It makes me so glad that I did finally get this surgery done because I know my colon would have just gotten worse and worse. She also said that after the reconstruction, she may do another ostomy bag for 3 months to allow everything to heal really well. Oh joy. At least I'm got more information from her and have a better understanding of what's going on!

Right now, my surgery is scheduled for June 12 - yes, 4 months from now - but I'm calm about it because I now know how horrible my colon is and that I need to time to heal. In fact, we may not do the surgery in June, depending on how everything looks. So, dear friends, the ileostomy bag is still in place and I'm trying to not to let it get to me. Some days are better than others. I still have occasional leaks and that makes it hard, but it is better.  Part of that is due to the fact that I have a new nurse who is so conscientious and makes sure everything is done just so. That has really helped me, too!

I would so appreciate your prayers regarding all this! First of all, for healing of the colon. Second, for me to be patient and calm during this long process, and third, that I would always glorify God through everything because I know that He always deserves that! I am exactly where He wants me at this time and I need to grow in my faith through this and trust Him.

I will give thanks to You, O Lord My God, with all my heart; And I will glorify Your name forever.

Psalm 86:12 

Blessings - Julie

Health Update

It's time for a long over-due update from me. This has been a season of growth for me as I deal with something I never had imagined having to deal with. It has stretched me in a lot of ways and I've had to fight the immature desire to feel bitter and to have a pity party. I keep telling myself that this is not forever and that there are others that have it much worse. Sometimes, I just don't want to even hear myself saying this, even though they are true. Isn't it just so human to feel sorry for ourselves and think "why me"? Ha!

So on to my news. My skin finally healed enough that the bags are staying on and the nurse figured out, with the help of the company who makes these things, what would work for me. It's down to a routine now with the bag staying put for the most part. I still have an "oops" once in a while - with a bag leaking or just coming loose - but this is happening less and less. I am so thankful for this as dealing with the leaking was just so bad. It's gross enough (for me, anyway) to deal with this bag when it works, let alone when it doesn't.

I do have a surgery date to reverse all this and put everything back together. Right now it's set for February 13th....FEBRUARY 13TH!!! This was supposed to be a 3 month thing which means I should be having the surgery this month but, evidently, this surgeon does not plan for these things and she is so busy that this was the soonest date I could get. I was quite upset. I have called and called and now we are looking at moving my surgery to January 23rd. This is not set yet so I would so appreciate your prayers that this surgery would get moved up. Even sooner than January 23rd would be great but even the 23rd is better than 3 weeks later on the 13th!

I have been doing some stitching, crocheting and painting and will share about that on my next post. Thank you so much for being so faithful to check on me during all this and I'm so grateful for your prayers and friendship!

Blessings - Julie

The Game of Life

Life can throw us some real crazy fast balls. Just when you think you've figured out the pitch, one comes at you low and fast and brings you to your knees. What's a girl to do when this happens? I've found the best thing is to reach up my hand and let the Lord lift me up and carry me to the bench so I can recover.

I'm in recovery mode right now. Not only from the aftermath of my knockout of 2014, but from the things of life that just keep punching me. Last month found my husband once again at the vascular clinic because he had another blockage in his leg. This one was more frightening than the other because his foot was looking strange and there was a definite coolness to the temperature of his leg. Thankfully, the doctor was able to get him in quickly and get the blockage removed. This is the same doctor that put the eighteen inch bypass in my leg. Can I just say again that God uses this man in amazing and mighty ways?  I'm so thankful that God directs our footsteps and puts us in the pathway of the right people at the right time.

I'm still trying to recover and have some fairly good days and some not so good days. I'm still really tired and it's probably because I don't sleep well. It's amazing how a lack of sleep can affect our energy and outlook. I'm allowing myself to rest on that bench that God has placed me on. I literally am benched right now. I'm not out there hitting the high fast ones. I'm actually doing my bit for the team, so to speak, behind the scenes and from my computer when I can. I am so, so thankful that I can serve God from an online capacity.

Whether you're in the middle of the game or sitting things out on the bench, God has a plan for your life! It's not always easy to see that when you're on the sidelines watching others go about the game of life, but it doesn't mean we are any less valuable! Rest when you need to rest and get out there when and if you can. All we can do it be faithful in the ways we can be. Just realize that God may use you in a different way then you imagined and that's okay. You are loved and cared for right where you are - just as you are.

Blessings - Julie

Plans and Changes

Can you believe it's almost the end of 2015? It's been an interesting year for me and I've learned a lot about myself and I'm also so thankful for a year without ton's of doctor appointments and surgeries! lol I think I've gotten stronger each day, and although I still have lingering health issues, I'm better and I'm so thankful for this!

I'm working on my plans for 2016. One thing I'm going to be doing is being more consistent here on the blog with personal posts. I missed sharing more often on my blog when I was doing school and I'm so thankful that I'll have more time to devote to my blog.

I'm also working on these worksheets.

These are the PowerSheets by Lara Casey and they are amazing for getting right to the heart of your goals! (You can click on the picture and it will take you to her website where you can learn more about these. I'm not getting anything from this - just sharing something I think is really cool!)  They really have opened my eyes to who I am and what I want.

I'm also working on my planners and planning out my days as much as possible. I'll share picture of my planners soon. There is a whole society of us planner girls...who knew? Girls like me who love paper, pens and all that wonderful stuff.

My writing is high on my list of what I want to do in 2016. I am so excited to finally be working on getting my story on paper. I have one thing I'm working on that's almost finished and it's so exciting to work on things I enjoy again. Along with my cross stitch and quilting, I have a full list of things I want to do!

My health is high on his list, too. I have put off taking care of my health for so long and now it's time to take care of myself. My sister has given me encouragement and motivation for this and I'm so thankful. It helps so much to have a person who understands and wants to encourage me!

What are your plans for 2016? Do you plan ahead or make resolutions or goals? Do you have a word for 2016? I don't have one yet...I have done that for the past 2 years and I'm having a hard time figuring out what my word should be this year. I'm praying about it and I know God will guide me in this! It's exciting planning for the future, isn't it?

Blessings - Julie

Groanings Too Deep for Words

I know I've been quiet lately. I have been struggling with all I've been going through and having some hard days. My hard days consist of being quiet - even around my family - for fear of dragging them into my pit and making it a hard day for them. I have been sleeping, reading, and not much else.

Praying for myself is impossible right now and I rely on the prayers of others. I tell myself that things could be worse - and they could! - but my situation is difficult and has thrown my life into a whole new way of living. It's processing and accepting this new way of living that has me struggling so.

 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. - Romans 8:26

How I cling to this Scripture. The Spirit helps me in my weakness and the Spirit intercedes for me with groanings. I understand these groanings...I have them myself and I don't know what they are but the Lord knows. Sometimes I wonder at this, yet the Lord's ways are not my ways, and He does understand what I am going through and He has mercy and sympathy.

I also wonder at my attitude. I have had months of keeping a stiff upper lip - of being positive in the face of all these health issues - but I am tired. I don't have a positive thought left in my mind right now. It's almost as if it has all come descending upon my heart and mind and I can't bear it. I do understand from my nurse that this is normal. I am grieving what once was and trying to accept what is now. 

I had another minor surgery on my knee wound last Friday. This has opened this wound up and it is large and a reminder that this healing will go on longer than I imagined. When things like this happen, I suffer greatly at the fact that I am struggling to heal and at the fact that I am weak and tired. This surgery was necessary, and I accept that, but it is still a set back in a sense. 

My lifeline is Jesus. I know He is with me even when I don't speak to Him in prayer as I normally do. I know He understands and He knows that soon I will start talking with Him again. I am not angry at God at all - He has blessed me so much! - but I am so, so tired. 

For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Keeping my eyes on the eternal....

 

Blessings - Julie

New Attitude

I'm sure, like me, many of you don't feel exactly strong on some days. I definitely felt that way yesterday. As you know, I had my sleep study on Tuesday night. I had very high hopes that they would find out what they needed to know and that I would be fitted with a mask that night. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I was able to fall asleep quite quickly, but I woke up after two hours in pain, despite the fact that I had taken a pain pill just before bed. I had to call out to the tech and move to the other side of the bed. I don't think I've shared here that I can't roll over in bed. My back won't allow this, so if I want to sleep in a different position, I have to get up and go around to the other side of the bed and lay on the other side. I got all comfy and it took me forever to go back to sleep. I finally did, but before I knew it, it was 5:00 am (another patient was talking loudly in the hall and that's why I woke up) and, even though I had until 6:00 am, I just never could get back to sleep. I knew when I woke up at 5:00, that my test had not gone as I had hoped. They told me that if I fell asleep in the first couple of hours and my symptoms were obvious, they would fit me with a mask. However, I didn't really start having my symptoms until after 2:30 am, and by that time it was too late. I sat there in tears as the tech came in to unhook all the wires (27 in all!). He couldn't tell me much but he said he would be surprised if I wasn't diagnosed as having sleep apnea, however, it will be another possible 2 weeks before I know for sure! To say I was devastated is an understatement. I had such high hopes that I would get help on Tuesday night! I came home, took a shower to get all the gunk out of my hair, then promptly went to bed and slept until noon. I was very depressed and I let it wash over me all day on Wednesday. There's nothing more debilitating than a good pity party!

Thursday morning I woke up and decided I could either continue living out my pity party or I could just work through the exhaustion and live my life. I chose the later. I got dressed right away today and even put on makeup! I used to always, always put on makeup, but I've gotten lazy about it over the past 3 years about it at home. I digress...I started working on my family room and I'm happy to say, I pretty much finished it! I still have a few pictures to put up, but it's just beautiful and I'm thrilled that I got it done!

Yes, the hard things that we have to deal with are hard, but I'm so glad that I woke up with a new attitude! I'm really tired of how I'm feeling - the exhaustion and the pain - but I'm even more tired of being down in the dumps! As far as the sleep study, I've completely turned that over to God and I will rely on Him to work everything out for me. To worry or fret about it will only drive me crazy and, honestly, I can't afford that! =D

Many blessings - Julie

Gentle Reminder

It's the end of a weekend, a weekend filled with snow and cold. I'm ready for sunshine again because the cold makes me ache. I told my husband that I could now understand why seniors head for the hot areas of the country! The cold hurts! lol

I kept the news off for the most part. One can be saturated with the horrors of the world for only so long before the brain just shuts down and our heart feels like it's going to implode in our chest. I tried to focus on Christmas shows and movies with a good measure of "Burn Notice" thrown in, as it's my favorite show. I also watched my favorite Pastors on TV like Charles Stanley, David Jeremiah and Charles Price. Thank the Lord for good, Biblical teaching!

I didn't do a lot this weekend - really because of the pain. I did a bit of writing, reading, and cooking. Thankfully, however, I have things in the freezer that I can pull out and throw in the oven. Some days are just like that.

I'm realizing that it's important to focus on the blessings of life. I know that I talk about this, especially on Tuesdays, but I want to refocus on this again. These times are hard. So many of us are struggling financially, in our health, in our emotions, and it's so easy to focus on what we are lacking. When we're struggling to figure out what to cook because there is not enough in the pantry ro we can't pay bills because there is not enough money. When we can't do the things we want to do because of pain or depression, it's easy to give into despair. It it only by focusing on what we DO have rather than what we don't have; by believing in the promises of God and standing on those, that we can even raise our head off the pillow in the morning. It is through the light of Jesus that we can get up and put one foot in front of the other. It is through Jesus that we can set aside our fear of not having enough money and believe that He will provide what we need.

The only way to focus on what we know the Lord promises, is to learn those promises, through his Word. Do you find that sometimes when you are struggling that it can be easy to not be in the Word? I do. It's easy to stay in that sorrowful place of despair and just watch TV or sleep, but it really is in these times, that our Bible needs to be open and we need to be seeking out His promises for our life.

I write this as much for me as for you. I struggle with all these things and this is a gentle reminder to myself of what I need to do. I hope that it has helped you, too, if you're dealing with these struggles. It is good to lift one another's heads to the Lord and to remind each other to keep our eyes on Jesus.

God bless you - Julie

He is good - all the time

It's been a busy time for me. As you know, I've been leading a Bible study and co-leading another study at church. I'm also involved in other ministries at my church - all of which I love. It does keep me busy though, so I've been trying to get my bearings again as far as my schedule and getting things done that need to be done as well as what I want to get done. I went from doing absolutely nothing to doing a lot.

We did do this over the weekend

We haven't had a tree up for three years because of my pain and other issues. So this year, I decided to completely skip over the fall decorating and go straight for Christmas! I am so glad I did. I used to put the tree up on my birthday, which is in early November, so really, I am only putting the tree up a few weeks early. We are really, really enjoying it.

We've also had some health concerns here which has kept me over-whelmed at times. My husband had cataract surgery and that went well. He recovered quickly and noticed an improvement in his vision pretty quick. Then last week, he had major surgery on his other eye. He had a film that was attaching itself to the retina. We thought we were going to have to go to the big city for the surgery (2 hours away) and stay for 10 days. This was very stressful for us both financially and because of my back pain. I had everyone praying about it and God answered the prayer in an amazing way - like He's so prone to do. The doctors office called him and said they were going to do the surgery in our town! What an amazing answer to prayer! The surgery lasted about 3 hours and we were told that he might have to have a bubble put in his eye which would require him to keep his head down constantly for 7 days straight. Again, I called on my prayer warriors as I knew my husband would never handle that well. God, again, answered those prayers and the surgery went very well with no bubble needed! He is recovering well, although he will have blurry vision for months as it will take that long for the eye to heal.

My stress levels were already high and then we realized that my son's already high blood pressure was really high. We went to the cardiologist who put him on an additional medicine. This medicine gave him the hiccups so bad that he couldn't get rid of them. Having them hurt his back and it was just so awful. They then changed his medicine to another one, but this one had his pulse at close to 130! This was horrible, too. Finally, they put him on another med which finally helped the blood pressure without giving him other side-effects. Then the cardiologist ordered a CT scan on his heart and kidneys to check his arteries. Unfortunately, the heart scan revealed he may have a pinch in his aorta. To confirm this, they will do an angiogram in early November. If he does have it, then they will have a heart surgeon be able to stent it,hopefully, but if it can't be stented, then were looking at surgery. Oh, this mama's heart has just been overwhelmed. Your prayers are greatly appreciated! I know that this all passed through the Lord's hands and that he is in control and I am just relying on his peace.

God is good - all the time - and I am so thankful that I don't have to walk alone through all this. He walks with me - with us - and He never leaves us. Oh, what amazing grace is found in Him!

God bless you - Julie

Need some PEP!!

Boy, do I need some Pep! I have been just dragging for about a week. I will wake up tired then want to take a nap in about 2 hours after getting up. Today I took a four hour nap and was still tired! I know it could be thyroid issues but last blood check showed it well maintained, so not really thinking along those lines. I had Epstein Barr in the late 80's and early 90's and that's what this feels like. I'm praying not as it takes a while to get over it and I remember how exhausted I always was before it finally passed again.  I have no idea what's going on with me, but would really appreciate some prayer!!

Tomorrow we go to my hubby's urologist. This will be the first appointment after hubby having his radiation. I doubt we'll find out much but we want to discuss how soon they will do a blood test to see if the cancer is gone. I think they told us 3 months after the last radiation treatment, so we have a little while to go before then. I think we both will just feel better seeing the doctor and discussing everything with him.

Thank you for your prayers, comments and emails. They always mean so much to me.

God bless you - Julie

Some personal updates

It's been quite a while since I wrote a personal update of what's happening with me. I thought it was about time!

My pain has gotten quite a bit better over the last 6 weeks. I had an epidural shot that really did help me but, in reality, it's really the hand of God. He has had such mercy on me and taken away the really intense pain that I was experiencing. He is SO good. I still have pain, I still have to be careful, but I'm seeing so much improvement. Thank you, Jesus!!

Recently, I was able to do something I thought I would never be able to do again - sleep in a bed! I thought I would be sleeping in a recliner for the rest of my life and I had accepted that, but I have been able to sleep for a little while in my bed each night. What pure joy to actually lie down and sleep! I still have to sleep in my recliner, but to be able to actually lie down, is just a miracle!

On the crafting front, I have started painting again. I don't paint like I used to - every day - but I do go out to my studio when I can and I paint. I have also been doing a lot of counted cross stitch and am almost done with an intricate project I've been working on for awhile. I've also been crocheting and am almost done with a really cute kitchen dishcloth that has a flower in the center. It's really adorable. I'll share pictures of all these things as I complete them.

My oldest son has helped me re-arrange my bedroom and I just love it! We are also going to re-arrange the living room and create a more peaceful, beach-type theme. We recently gave some couches to friends who had a housefire and so we now have more room to change things around and I'm really happy to have more room. I am having to force myself not to do too much as I'm feeling better. One thing I don't want is a relapse!! How lovely, though, to see my home getting the cleaning and re-arranging it's needed after so long.

My husband is still very tired. The radiation seems to sap the energy out of a person. I remember when I had mine, I was so tired. He's doing better, though, and most of the side effects have passed. He just needs to rest and let his body heal. We are praying that the cancer is gone and that God used these treatments to heal him.

I want to thank you all for your many prayers for me! Please keep praying - it works! I am so thankful for so many of you that have stayed on this journey of pain with me and didn't get tired of hearing about it. lol It does get old, but so many of you wrote such encouragement to me and it really did help me and make this difficult journey less difficult. The body of Christ is really a beautiful thing!

God bless you - Julie

No news

We have no news about my hubby yet.  We were supposed to go to the doctor this afternoon for results of the tests he had done, but they called my hubby this morning and said that the doctor said not to come in, that he would call this evening to talk.  We can only assume this is good news, however, the doctor didn't call and so we're not sure.  Hubby will call in the morning to find out why he didn't call and to, hopefully, get some answers.  It's rather aggravating that he didn't call as I know he knows that we are anxious to know what's going on.  We've always like this doctor, but I do think he's a bit over-worked and probably doesn't always think about these kinds of things.  I'll share what we know when we know it.

I had a back injection yesterday and have had a horrible, migraine-type headache ever since.  I've never had this before, but I think my sedation was a bit different yesterday, as it felt different.  I've tried heat, cold, Excedrin (which usually always works) and lying down with a cool compress.  Nothing has worked.  I called my doctor yesterday and then again today and he said if I still had the headache tomorrow, I need to come in for another injection to get rid of the headache.  The only problem is, the Excedrin has aspirin and is considered a blood thinner, so I'm quite sure he's not going to do another injection until I've been on the aspiring product for 7 days.  I'll have to call and find out what to do if this is the case.  Oh, it's always something, huh? LOL

I missed my Bible study again today and unless my headache goes away overnight, I'll miss my prayer meeting again, too.  Such a bummer, but it's what it is.  I had such a sweet phone call from one of my friends this morning checking in on me.  So good to be missed, cared for, and prayed for.  I'm very blessed to have such wonderful friends.

It's hurting my head to be on the computer so I will say "goodnight" and I'll update what I know when I know it.

God bless you - Julie

The Lord is in Control

I am so thankful for the comments, emails, and messages that I received during my time away.  Most of all, I'm very thankful for your prayers for my husband and the situation we have once again been faced with.  I feel strong enough to share with you what has transpired and I know that the Lord has been with us again as He provides what we need to go forward. 

First of all, some background for those of you who are newer readers.  In 2006, my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  He had the prostate removed and they felt confident that they did get all the cancer.  For the past, almost 6 years, his psi levels (which is what they look at to monitor the prostate, even when it's gone, as they are looking at the cells) have been at 0.  Then suddenly last Fall, his levels started to slowly go up.  The doctor wasn't real concerned about this so neither were we. However, my husband had a blood test in January and on February 2, the doctor called to tell my husband that his levels had gone up significantly and that the cancer was, indeed, back.  To say I was shocked is an understatement.  I knew the levels had been slowly creeping up but I don't know if I just couldn't face it, or if I really thought all was okay.

Since the diagnosis, we've been to see my husbands doctor who ordered tests to check that the cancer hasn't gone into the bones (obviously, this is our greatest fear) and another test to see exactly where the prostate cancer is.  Since we are talking about cells here, they can be in other areas of the body.  My husband has had a phobia about being in tight places ever since his open heart surgery (we've since learned that this is quite common) so even doing scans where he has to have a machine come over his face, even for a little while, is quite hard for him.  We talked to the doctor about this and he gave my husband some pills to help calm him down and when we went last Friday for the scans, my husband was able to get through it just fine.  This was truly an answer to prayer because we knew we couldn't go forward with treatment without the results from the test.  We will be going to see the doctor on Wednesday afternoon to get the results of these tests and I am asking, once again, for prayer.  Please pray that the cancer has not gone into the bones.  If  the cancer has not gone to the bones, they will then do radiation to eradicate that horrible cancer.

Once again, we face a situation where we have no control, however, we know that the Lord is indeed in control and sits on His throne and cares about this.  He holds us under His wings and gives us the peace that only He can give. I'm thankful that we can turn to the Lord.  We would be going through this with or without Him, but with Jesus, there is hope and an understanding that there is a purpose to everything.

Tomorrow, I get another back injection and I'm hoping that, once again, it gives me a bit of pain relief.  I had some bad pain days after learning of my husband's diagnosis and I'm sure a lot of it was stress.  The past few days, since the scan, I've been feeling a bit better and have been able to do some things around my house.  Saturday was a bit of a bust, though, as I slept off and on all day.  I think it was in reaction to getting through the scans after worrying about that for 2 weeks.  Yesterday, though, I had a burst of energy and I got my laundry done, my kitchen cleaned, dinner made and cleaned up a little where I could.  Today, I'm feeling a little tired, but definitely better than the last two weeks and am trying to get back into a routine.

I've missed my Bible study for the past two weeks as I just didn't feel that good but this week, I'm hoping to be back to my study and my prayer meeting as I really miss them when I can't go.  I'm a wee bit behind in my study so need to get going on that today.

Thank you, again, dear friends for your prayers and sweet messages.  Such a soothing balm to my Spirit when I hear from you and to know that you are praying.

God bless you - Julie    

New Year

Happy New Year!  Yes, I'm a little late with this greeting but it's heartfelt, nonetheless.  I hope you all have a blessed and joyous new year!

It's been an up and down week here.  New years eve morning, I woke up in horrible pain.  Not exactly how I wanted to start out the new year.  I've been having more pain but this day was especially hard.  My husband helped me to another recliner (sometimes changing chairs will help) and I took my pain meds, had my heating pad, and just relaxed the entire day.  I did have some "feeling sorry for myself" moments, I must confess.  I didn't want to think about starting out the new year with this kind of pain again. 

New years day, I felt a bit better and have been feeling a bit better each day since.  I did schedule a back injection for the middle of the month in hopes that it will help me.  I really don't want this year to be all about my pain or health issues.  Of course, I will accept God's will for my life but I am praying for a better year in both of these areas. 

Now on to other things.  I've been continuing to work on my goals for this year.  I didn't get everything all written out yet.  I'm not going to stress out about it and put pressure on myself.  I've already started implementing some of my goals into my life and it feels really great! There's nothing like working on your new goals to make you feel good. 

Our Christmas decorations are put away (pretty easy considering there wasn't much out - lol) and the Valentines decorations are out.  I've been going through paperwork and the "nest" around my chair today in hopes of bringing some kind of order to my area.  I tend to get tons of books, magazines, notebooks and such around my chair and then I have to dig out and keep the things I'm really using at the moment.  I have a large Longaberger basket that I've had for 25 years that I keep on a stool next to my side table and in it are my Bible, prayer request book, devotionals, and so forth.  Sometimes this basket gets quite full of things and I have to go through it.  I do love having these special things at my fingertips, though. 

I've signed up for the new Bible study that's starting at church in a couple weeks.  I do pray that I will be able to go as I've missed being involved in the studies so much.  I picked up the study at church before Christmas and it looks like it's going to be a great study.

Many blessings - Julie

This and That





It's perfect reading weather today.  It's been cold and blustery and we've turned the heater on.  I love to sit and read, do needlework or crochet when it's like this outside.  I think it brings back good memories of sitting in my living room with my Mother as a child and embroidering pillow cases.  I can remember looking out the big window at the giant snowflakes falling down and feeling so blessed to be warm and cozy inside doing something I love with my Mother.  Such sweet memories!

Yesterday was spent getting an x-ray on my ankle.  It's been bothering me more and more and, while I'm sure it's my arthritis, my doctor thought it wise to get an x-ray to be sure.  My son also had an MRI on his back to see what is happening as he's still experiencing pain and it's gotten worse in that he has pain down both legs now instead of just one.  We will be seeing a Neurosurgeon next to see what he advises.

Today was spent designing a logo for my son's Fire Academy class.  They are going to have shirts, shorts, hats and hoodies made with the logo.  I was very touched that he asked me to do this for him and I think he was pleased with the final design.  I haven't designed anything for quite a while and it was so nice to get the sketch book out again and be creative!

It dawned on me today that Thanksgiving is less than three weeks away! It's so hard to believe that the holiday's are upon us. 

I have been having my hot pots of tea using my beautiful teapot cozy that my friend gave me last year for my birthday. 

There's just something so wonderful about a hot cup of tea when it's this cold out.  I have been so blessed by this gorgeous teapot cozy and it keeps my tea amazingly hot. Isn't it wonderful when you get a gift that blesses you continually?

Have a very blessed weekend and stay warm!

God bless you - Julie





Taking Stock - Part Two

Yesterday, I talked about how the last 6 months have forced me to be quiet and really take stock of what the Lord wants me to learn through this.  After all, the Lord does want us to learn through all situations in our life and He will get our attention any way He has to! He loves us that much!

So, rewind 5 years to a time when I am recovering from my thyroid cancer. I was having my prayer time and I was asking the Lord what He wanted me to do.  What what his plan for my life? Suddenly, as clear as day, I heard the Lord tell me, "I want you to write".  Oh, my. To hear the Lord call me to this was amazing because it was the desire of my heart to do that very thing.  I told my husband what the Lord had said and that it would totally bless me to have a lap-top computer that I could use anywhere and begin my writing journey.  He, of course, was totally sweet and I still have that very lap-top today and am writing on it this very minute.

I contacted the leader of my homeschooling group and asked about writing an article for our monthly newsletter. I have such a heart for the homeschooling Mother and I wanted to encourage her in the wonderful yet daunting journey of homeschooling her children. I still feel this calling and I continue to write that monthly article.  After that, I wrote an article about my experience of homeschooling my children through my illness as well as my husband's illnesses.  This article was published in "The Old Schoolhouse Magazine".  Then I stopped.  Yes, just like that I stopped. This was not what the Lord had told me to do - He had told me to write.  I knew what He meant, but I told myself that I was writing through my blog and through the homeschooling newsletter and that was good enough, but it isn't. I know what the Lord means. After all, He is NOT a God of confusion or even suggestion.  He puts in our hearts and minds exactly what He wants us to do.  Unfortunately, I have chosen to basically ignore his clear instruction and so He had to get my attention.

Stay tuned for part three of this story.

God bless you - Julie