Pastel in a Brilliant Life

This has been the strangest time. Seriously. My creativity has been in the crapper. My hormones are raging out of control and so are my migraines. So I basically feel lousy all of the time. I remember reading years ago in my book on severe adrenal fatigue that all it takes is a major crisis to knock you right on your butt and completely drain your reserves. For someone who has no reserves, that really messes you up. It helps you discover problems you didn't know you had. Like you needed that, right?

Anyway, you probably noticed my lack of blogging, reading, and commenting. My focus is still lousy. I have considered posting one of those "I'm taking a break" blogs, but that feels like quitting and I don't want to do that just yet. Matter of fact, I almost had a Thursday post a couple of weeks ago. I had several things jotted down, but it just never came to fruition. This is what I mean about my inability to focus.

I have also started writing a book about my health experience, which includes my dad's adrenal breakdown when I was a kid, and might end up including other people's health issues if I was really involved in them. The book is all about how I fell through the floor (lost everything) and is written from the perspective of a regular person. Not a medical journal. Not a doctor. I am not out to sell anything, tell you one way is better than another, etc. This is just my story and my goal is to share it and possibly help someone else from falling through the floor. My secondary goal is to use it to launch my Forging Hope Project. Yeah, it all circles back to being an instrument to help other people. The mission is to assist other people in their journey from illness to wellness.

In other news, I got a military ID card. My stepdad is retired military and we jumped through those hoops to prove that my medical problems today date back to before I was 21 y/o. Yeah, that was fun. While I was in Ohio dealing with my dad while he was still alive I was also calling all of my former doctors digging up any and all paperwork from my childhood. Anyway, we found some. On this one application with symptoms it said in my own hand (I was 13): headaches, nausea, aching in bones and muscles. That was a bit of a shock to read. Anyway, we gave it all to my current doctor to read over. She then submitted a letter to state that she believed that the roots of my current problems began in youth. It was clear that it did. She did. So, after the military sent back the letter saying that it needed to be rewritten in their format (and it was), I was quickly approved.

This means that I cancelled my old insurance (which sucked). I am now on Tricare and am part of my parents' plan. My Rxs are cheap. Yay. I am on a copay system. I can actually get testing and stuff done. Anything done at the base hospital will be free (I think) or very inexpensive. In other words, I can actually get some forward momentum on getting some of my health issues solved. This is such a blessing.

I am now in the third phase of SSD approval. This is when I am most likely to get approved. For my area, we are looking at about 10 months before it comes before the judge. That is how slowly the system is working. Some places it is as long as three years. So, I will keep my tongue in my mouth and not complain. When you win, they backpay you in one lump sum. The irony will be if they take so long that I will be able to work by the time they get to my case. That, of course, will be thanks to the military insurance assistance. I will have financially broken my parents since 2006 and I will just be getting well by the time my case comes up. lol.

I am not sure what I think about that.

I have been watching MY NAME IS EARL on DVD. It is hilarious. It is about this bad dude who wins a scratch off lottery ticket and immediately gets hit by a car. In the hospital he sees Carson Daly on TV talking karma. He says that he thinks he has this good life because he believes if you do good things, good things come back to you. Well, that is when Earl make his list of every bad thing he has ever done. He is certain karma is out to get him. He has to fix things or karma is going to kill him. While he is doing the first good thing, he finds his winning scratch off. The rest of the show is him doing the things on his list. H-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.

That cracks me up.

I try to laugh a little every day.

I guess that is all I have for now. Oh... I did get an IPod at long last. Love it. Still not real sure what I am doing. It has face chat on it. But I have no idea how to work it and don't know anyone else who has face chat. Now *that* is funny.

I hope that you have found something here to entertain, inform, or in some other way enlighten you. I do try to please.


image found at www.heartit.com

THE DOCTOR APPT BREAKDOWN

Blogging to you about my doctor appointment is nearly as frustrating at the appointment itself. The reason I went to see this doctor is because someone that I know who is on Social Security Disability got their benefits through this website: allsup.com. I looked up the website online and then I called them, and decided that using them is the best way to go. Filing for SSD is a challenging task all on its own. In other words, pretty much anyone who actually needs SSD is too sick to deal with the paperwork. It's one big circle. The allsup website had an 800 number and I talked to a live person about this process. It was very enlightening. If allsup takes your claim, they fill out all of your paperwork and chase down all of your medical records. That is a blessing. Right now, they won't take my case because the say-so of my primary care doctor isn't strong enough to assure me of a win. That was the reason for seeing a "specialist" yesterday. This was an important appointment. If the specialist wasn't in agreement with my doctor (that I need SSD), there could be problems.

Turns out that the specialist wasn't completely in agreement with my doctor, but wasn't in disagreement either. In other words, he agreed that filing for SSD was the right call, and that I wasn't capable of working right now. In fact, I was right to sell my car, because I had no business driving. I am doing that because I feel the same way. (I don't think I blogged to you guys that I was doing that, but it will be gone May 5-6. Then my mom and I will be sharing a vehicle. She will probably drive me most places. Doesn't that sound fun?) He is not sure that I have fibromyalgia, but he's not sure that I don't. It is a tricky thing to diagnose. He is more worried about some neurological stuff that I have going on aside from the migraines. I see more tests in my future.


Of course, for me that is a good/bad situation. I am thrilled to find a doctor who is all about getting to the root of the problem and acknowledging that the "fix" is going to likely come in small steps. My problem is that since I have no job, I have no money. This is financially killing my parents and I hate that. My health insurance plan doesn't cover a lot of this stuff. I am going to talk about that and see what I can do to change plans. I know that will spike my premium. If it offsets my other charges enough, it will be worth it. Talk about medicaid has been tossed around and I am willing to talk to someone. My gut tells me that I can't apply for it unless I am already uninsured and that is risky. Throw in how long the application process takes and the possibility for being turned down... ugggh. I loathe government red tape. That is one big ole bureaucratic elephant right there.

The biggest "victory" was that he listened to me. In the end, we both agreed that I had a lot of different problems at work here. That meant that it was going to take a long time "win it" because it was going to be a one thing at a time deal. And there might be some problems that we never actually "solve," but we can put a leash on them. So... I will take that as a win. Plus, he didn't prescribe me anything new. How about that? Not many doctors really want to get to know your situation, think about it in between your visits, run some tests, wait on those results, and then make a decision before they start writing on their prescription pad. I think that we just might get along fine. If he starts suggesting vitamin supplements.... well, then I know that I have hit the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.