So. My boss made me the Safety Committee member for our department and the "Accident Prevention Coordinator." Me. Grace. The Girl Who Twists Ankles Standing Still (that's my native american name.) is gonna prevent injuries?
And do you want to know who's fault it is? It's my ex's. Yup this is all his fault. I told him he was Voodoo Man and to put down the damn doll already. Back story, Kidlet smooched her foot last week. When I dropped her off and told him about it, he announced it was because she had my bad ankles. Nevermind the guy has walked off a cliff himself. Her klutziness is not all my fault. Although he blames his numerous accidents on "poor impulse control." And beer :P
So he has to bring up the time I stood up and somehow ripped every freakin tendon in my foot. Which promptly turned black. I snorted and made comments. Then I went home. I was minding my own business when I stood up from the couch (I think I am allergic to them) and whamo, pulled/yanked/ripped whatever something in my right ankle. Which then got all swollen.
So I told him about it yesterday and he told me it was my own fault for mocking him and to be nice to him or he'd remind me of all the other issues I have. 2 hours later I get this fine new job duty. Me. Preventing accidents. I emailed him and told him it was all his fault. He emailed me back and asked if it was ok he was laughing his ass off. Then he and kidlet called me and laughed at me! And my mom laughed at me. And my co-worker Peggie laughed at me.
I am the female Rodney Dangerfield.
Just cause it kicks ass.
15 comments:
I am sooo like this. I stand up, something cracks. "What was that?" "Oh nothing, just a hip."
Chuck says I will be leading by example. As in "DON'T do this."
I can sooooooo relate. I've hurt myself sitting at my computer. Huh? What the hell was that grinding noise in my hand?
I so respect you!!
any asshat can move thru life uninjured
it takes real strength to know you're never more than a moment from potential pain and still keep on, keeping on!
do you get a whistle!?
don't swallow it
I hear ya Desert!
Dianne I would so swallow the stupid whistle. Seriously. I need, like Toddler safe items.
Rodney Dangerfield does kick ass ... so that's not so bad.
This IS pretty funny stuff. It would be like my boss giving me control of the liquer samples. Who else would get any? I don't have to deal with the exes anymore. I had all four kids with just one. She is such a P-I-T-A. Once the kids were grown - poof. I see her at weddings...
This is true, RWA. I could do worse!
Actually Bud I really quite like my ex. If I keep the past out of the picture. I'm not really a grudge holder anyhow. I am too inherently lazy.
And now, as I laugh from your tale, I thank goodness I don't work for your company!!!!
Sorry, I just had to!
my indian name is "she who trips and falls over thin air"
every single right shoe I have has a scuffed toe....sandals...tennies, clogs...high heals...all of them.
at the age of four my father started sending me to ballet class because he thought I needed help.
after reading "Twilight" when my oldest sees me trip she calls me "Bella"
her father takes all the credit for the fact she is graceful...
Hah! Bella takes ballet too. And in the movie she fully admits she sucks =)
Come to think of it *I* took ballet. What is my problem?
Oh and today has been all about the knocking stuff over and nearly dropping everything.
I need more coffee!
Laugh it up Vinny, I am gonna come visit you and cause a large accident in your dining room. Watch the gravy!
A female Rodney Dangerfield? I am so in love. Cheers Starr!!
Awww, Thanks Matt. You can call me twinkletoes. But no one else!
It makes perfect sense. You don't want someone who doesn't understand accidents being in charge of accident prevention.
Hehehehehehee
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