It's so unnecessary. I realize this is not a revolutionary observation, but there it is. I can't get excited for any of my classes. I have a job lined up and I know with a fair amount of certainty that I will be a transactional lawyer; yet, I have to suffer through most of my completely irrelevant classes to get credits in order to graduate. I am not placated by taking classes relevant to what I want to do either, because it would be so much faster to learn this material on the job from a practical perspective, without all the administrative and academic hassle.
Don't get me wrong, law school has some value: teaching students how to do legal research and writing, think analytically about legal issues and present legally sound arguments ... I think almost every 3L has gleaned everything possible in the first two years, and the third year just yields diminishing returns. It's not that I don't enjoy a year as a student as a final hurrah before joining the working world for good; I just resent the fact that I have to actually go through the motions now. You should be able to get a waiver or something, like the law school equivalent of the G.E.D.
The only part of being back in school that is actually exciting is the early-Fall reunions with friends and professors. I guess it's amplified this year because my classmates are finding out that I'm pregnant as well. Of course, it is proving to be much less drama than I imagined. Everyone has been congratulatory and still treats me the same as always. I had assumed that everyones perception of me would change as much as my own has, because I mean, it's a drastic change to go from carefree, mid-twenties, student to a full-fledged PARENT. Not to mention the general apprehension about law-students and lawyers "jeopardizing their careers by having a family." To my pleasant surprise, it's almost a non-event. Even the people who I thought would at least ask about how it is all going to work out have been nothing but supportive and excited. [Insert huge sigh of relief].
In fact, so far all the attorneys I worked for this summer and my fellow summer associates have been very excited and sweet as well. Even if they are blatantly lying and in actually think I'm crazy, I appreciate their believable extensions of congratulatory remarks.
It's kind of like being a science experiment when you're pregnant in law school ... everyone can watch you grow and change like some sort of exhibit, and they feel free to comment upon your appearance. But it is better to be an experiment that everyone is excited about than some sort of tragic experiment gone wrong.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Clueless
While I do not pretend to know all there is to know about parenting, I have not experienced that heart-stopping fear that pregnancy books warn about where you have a newborn in your care and no clue about how to take care of it. I am sure this well develop as I get closer to the due date, but right now, I am relying on my long history of babysitting and common sense to assuage my fears.
Setting up our registry today, however, did make painfully clear to me that I know very little about the STUFF a baby needs. The basics are not that hard: I had little trouble with an infant seat/stroller, the crib or even the bedding. But how do I know what diapers to get and how many, what bottles and how many, what breast pump (buy/rent?), how many receiving blankets, clothes, etc...? Do I really need a bassinet if we live in a small apartment with the nursery right next door to our room? Do I need the swing AND an infant bouncer AND a baby gym? At what point do I need a high chair, and can I use one of those that just attaches to a regular chair? I know I want a carrier, but should I go for the Bjorn or the sling? What toiletries do I need? What do I want in a diaper bag? I guess to a certain extent, all of this is either personal preference or trial and error. But I feel like there should be an informational guide without advertisements that tells you what everything is for and the intended use of it.
And just when I think I have heard everything that you should and shouldn't do, either while pregnant or with a newborn, I run into something else that I had never heard before and it makes me think that I know absolutely nothing about how to protect a baby... today, it was that you shouldn't use Neosporin on a young baby. I mean, if I hadn't wasted time perusing the Internet for something else, I might never have seen that. So how much other necessary information is out there waiting for me to stumble upon it?!? I wish more of my friends had babies now, so I could ask the practical mother/friend for advice. While I really do treasure the advice from my mom, most of this stuff has changed dramatically since she had a baby. To save myself from actually freaking out about all of this, I will just think about how excited it made me to see all of this stuff today and make decisions about what we will use in a few short months. I can't wait to meet my little boy, but I honestly can't even really picture that yet. It seems too distant and abstract to spend any real time dwelling on it. But touching the soft blankets and testing out strollers today made everything seem more real somehow...and I couldn't be more excited! I also can't wait to see PJO with a little baby in his arms!
Setting up our registry today, however, did make painfully clear to me that I know very little about the STUFF a baby needs. The basics are not that hard: I had little trouble with an infant seat/stroller, the crib or even the bedding. But how do I know what diapers to get and how many, what bottles and how many, what breast pump (buy/rent?), how many receiving blankets, clothes, etc...? Do I really need a bassinet if we live in a small apartment with the nursery right next door to our room? Do I need the swing AND an infant bouncer AND a baby gym? At what point do I need a high chair, and can I use one of those that just attaches to a regular chair? I know I want a carrier, but should I go for the Bjorn or the sling? What toiletries do I need? What do I want in a diaper bag? I guess to a certain extent, all of this is either personal preference or trial and error. But I feel like there should be an informational guide without advertisements that tells you what everything is for and the intended use of it.
And just when I think I have heard everything that you should and shouldn't do, either while pregnant or with a newborn, I run into something else that I had never heard before and it makes me think that I know absolutely nothing about how to protect a baby... today, it was that you shouldn't use Neosporin on a young baby. I mean, if I hadn't wasted time perusing the Internet for something else, I might never have seen that. So how much other necessary information is out there waiting for me to stumble upon it?!? I wish more of my friends had babies now, so I could ask the practical mother/friend for advice. While I really do treasure the advice from my mom, most of this stuff has changed dramatically since she had a baby. To save myself from actually freaking out about all of this, I will just think about how excited it made me to see all of this stuff today and make decisions about what we will use in a few short months. I can't wait to meet my little boy, but I honestly can't even really picture that yet. It seems too distant and abstract to spend any real time dwelling on it. But touching the soft blankets and testing out strollers today made everything seem more real somehow...and I couldn't be more excited! I also can't wait to see PJO with a little baby in his arms!
Last First Day
Tomorrow I start school again for the last time ever! I can't remember a Fall beginning without shopping for school supplies. I'm not that nostalgic yet, but that's probably because I am the least prepared for school of any year I have been a student: My apartment is still not unpacked from moving, I have not started a single assignment, clothes are strewn all across my bedroom floor because we're staining our bedroom furniture and it's currently drying on our balcony.
I am registered for a stacked semester of classes and I should be trying to get a good start on those, but I already know that planning and decorating the nursery, thinking about baby names and reading reviews of baby products online will take precedence.
My goal is to at least be productive while I am at school, and take home as little work as possible. If this happens, it is a near certainty that it won't last much longer than 2 months... This could be especially difficult this week because in addition to being the first time I will see a bunch of people in the last few months, a lot of my friends just found out that I am pregnant.
Tomorrow I have Federal Tax of Business Entities, Business Reorganizations in Bankruptcy and Advanced Con Law. Tuesday I have Community Property, Law and Morality and Admin Law. Throw in Law Review, and it's a full semester. I tried taking classes that I thought I might use someday or at least would be interesting, but a few of these simply fit my schedule and didn't have a final exam.
I am registered for a stacked semester of classes and I should be trying to get a good start on those, but I already know that planning and decorating the nursery, thinking about baby names and reading reviews of baby products online will take precedence.
My goal is to at least be productive while I am at school, and take home as little work as possible. If this happens, it is a near certainty that it won't last much longer than 2 months... This could be especially difficult this week because in addition to being the first time I will see a bunch of people in the last few months, a lot of my friends just found out that I am pregnant.
Tomorrow I have Federal Tax of Business Entities, Business Reorganizations in Bankruptcy and Advanced Con Law. Tuesday I have Community Property, Law and Morality and Admin Law. Throw in Law Review, and it's a full semester. I tried taking classes that I thought I might use someday or at least would be interesting, but a few of these simply fit my schedule and didn't have a final exam.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Back and Happy
PJO and I returned very early this morning from Hawaii after a truly amazing vacation. While today has been a little rough (more about this later), it was so worth it. This is the first time I have looked at a computer screen in well over a week, so it is taking a while to catch up...
We started off the trip by going to NJ and telling PJO's parents that they will have another grandson in December (hopefully, rather than January). They were excited and we are starting to get used to being out in the open about being pregnant. Now we're starting to tell everyone, and I still get that nervous feeling right before I break the news to someone else.
Anyway, from New Jersey, we headed to Hawaii on a non-stop flight. First we stayed in Kona on the big island. Here is the sunrise view from our lanai:
While we were there, we drove around the whole island, seeing waterfalls, a volcano, beautiful beaches (including black sand) and more:
Then we flew to Kauai, my new favorite island. We stayed on the south shore in Poipu, and this was the view from our lanai (those are tennis courts in the foreground, between our condo and the beach):
Kauai is so lush, tropical and beautiful, I could have easily spent two more weeks there. The first day we explored beaches and waterfalls and towns.
The second day we took a catamaran tour of the Na Pali Coast. Besides the beautiful scenery, we got to see a lot of little dolphins, sea turtles and monk seals.
The last two days we spent in Waikiki on Oahu. This was beautiful too, but we mostly enjoyed the luxuries that go along with being in a hotel/resort: we ate nice meals, indulged in touristy activities and spa treatments.
It was the perfect vacation! We left wanting more, but it also feels good to be home.
We started off the trip by going to NJ and telling PJO's parents that they will have another grandson in December (hopefully, rather than January). They were excited and we are starting to get used to being out in the open about being pregnant. Now we're starting to tell everyone, and I still get that nervous feeling right before I break the news to someone else.
Anyway, from New Jersey, we headed to Hawaii on a non-stop flight. First we stayed in Kona on the big island. Here is the sunrise view from our lanai:
While we were there, we drove around the whole island, seeing waterfalls, a volcano, beautiful beaches (including black sand) and more:
Then we flew to Kauai, my new favorite island. We stayed on the south shore in Poipu, and this was the view from our lanai (those are tennis courts in the foreground, between our condo and the beach):
Kauai is so lush, tropical and beautiful, I could have easily spent two more weeks there. The first day we explored beaches and waterfalls and towns.
The second day we took a catamaran tour of the Na Pali Coast. Besides the beautiful scenery, we got to see a lot of little dolphins, sea turtles and monk seals.
The last two days we spent in Waikiki on Oahu. This was beautiful too, but we mostly enjoyed the luxuries that go along with being in a hotel/resort: we ate nice meals, indulged in touristy activities and spa treatments.
It was the perfect vacation! We left wanting more, but it also feels good to be home.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Leaving on a Jet Plane
We're leaving at 5:30 AM tomorrow for our BIG TRIP! First NJ (where we'll FINALLY be telling PJO's parents that we're pregnant), then on to Hawaii for some much-anticipated relaxation in paradise. I'll be back in about a week and a half, so I'll be taking a little time off blogging, hopefully returning with lots of good stories and pictures! Have a great August!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Nagging Guilt
I have to take the MPRE tomorrow. The barbri people say you should aim to study a total of 24 hours for the thing, including a 4-hour lecture, 8 hours reading and learning the material, and the rest taking practice tests and reviewing. So far, I have spent an hour (half-concentrating as a read through part of the outline).
The reason I'm taking it now is because I knew November would be stressful enough with all the units I'm taking this Fall semester, and March I will be a little preoccupied with Uno. It will be nice to have it over with before 3L year starts and before we go to Hawaii next week. BUT OMG I DON'T WANT TO STUDY. I have a lot of errands I need to do before we leave Sunday morning, including finalizing the end of the lease at our old place, and I would like to unpack, organize or just enjoy our newly acquired cable. My bedroom furniture is supposed to be delivered today, so I would love to unpack all my clothes and set up that room. Instead, I'll be studying professional responsibility. I can't even imagine how unmotivated I will be for the bar exam next summer!
The reason I'm taking it now is because I knew November would be stressful enough with all the units I'm taking this Fall semester, and March I will be a little preoccupied with Uno. It will be nice to have it over with before 3L year starts and before we go to Hawaii next week. BUT OMG I DON'T WANT TO STUDY. I have a lot of errands I need to do before we leave Sunday morning, including finalizing the end of the lease at our old place, and I would like to unpack, organize or just enjoy our newly acquired cable. My bedroom furniture is supposed to be delivered today, so I would love to unpack all my clothes and set up that room. Instead, I'll be studying professional responsibility. I can't even imagine how unmotivated I will be for the bar exam next summer!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Quick Summary
I last had Internet on Friday afternoon at work... since that time, I have finished my summer associate clerkship, moved, and had the 20th week ultrasound.
Whew, that was a lot of catch-up to do!
Whew, that was a lot of catch-up to do!
It's a Boy!
We just had our 20-week ultrasound (one week early). All the AFP test results came back negative and everything looks good. The baby looked great and was moving around a lot. And of course, we found out the sex, and were delighted to find out it's a boy.
We would have been happy if it had been a girl too, but right before the doctor came in, I told PJO that I was kind of hoping it would be a boy. We are both so excited! PJO's family, his sister's family, my family and my dad's family were all 3 kids - girl, boy, boy... so we are definitely breaking a trend. I think that's a good thing. I'm sure we won't agree on names for a long time, but I can't wait to pick out a theme for the nursery (currently our "holding room" for all of the crap we haven't found a place for yet). I think the plan is to register for stuff when we are in New Jersey after we've told his family!
We would have been happy if it had been a girl too, but right before the doctor came in, I told PJO that I was kind of hoping it would be a boy. We are both so excited! PJO's family, his sister's family, my family and my dad's family were all 3 kids - girl, boy, boy... so we are definitely breaking a trend. I think that's a good thing. I'm sure we won't agree on names for a long time, but I can't wait to pick out a theme for the nursery (currently our "holding room" for all of the crap we haven't found a place for yet). I think the plan is to register for stuff when we are in New Jersey after we've told his family!
Welcome Home
PJO and I moved on Saturday to our new apartment. It was miserable. We thought everything was pretty much packed, but it wasn't. Our last move was cross-country, so literally everything was boxed up, packed up or sold. This time, we moved a mile away, so I guess in the back of our heads, we could always come back for stuff we left behind.
We rented a uhaul truck (14'), hired two guys to help us (PJO) move all our boxes and furniture, and about 8 hours later and two full uhaul trips, we had most of our stuff jammed in the new place. We were tired and sore, frustrated with how long everything took, and STILL had to go back to the old place for about 3 more car loads of stuff.
Everything appears to have made it, but there are frustrating things to deal with here. The air conditioning main vent in our hallway between the living room and bedrooms started leaking (condensation?) about an hour or two after we turned it on. They haven't fixed it yet, so we have buckets underneath. PJO hasn't slept well because it hasn't been cool enough and the loud dripping noises keep him awake and then the cats knock over the buckets. It will be fine soon though.
Everything should come together this week: Our TV and Internet are (officially) being set up tonight, and the giant rug should be here by tomorrow so we can set up our living room. My dresser and nightstand should be delivered by Thursday, so I will be able to put away some clothes.
We leave on Sunday for New Jersey/Hawaii, so we'll have to pack for that. And the MPRE is on Friday, so I'll have to start studying at some point soon. We also need to clean our old place and schedule a move-out inspection before we leave this weekend. We are super excited to be in our new place, but it will be nice when life is a bit more normal... :)
We rented a uhaul truck (14'), hired two guys to help us (PJO) move all our boxes and furniture, and about 8 hours later and two full uhaul trips, we had most of our stuff jammed in the new place. We were tired and sore, frustrated with how long everything took, and STILL had to go back to the old place for about 3 more car loads of stuff.
Everything appears to have made it, but there are frustrating things to deal with here. The air conditioning main vent in our hallway between the living room and bedrooms started leaking (condensation?) about an hour or two after we turned it on. They haven't fixed it yet, so we have buckets underneath. PJO hasn't slept well because it hasn't been cool enough and the loud dripping noises keep him awake and then the cats knock over the buckets. It will be fine soon though.
Everything should come together this week: Our TV and Internet are (officially) being set up tonight, and the giant rug should be here by tomorrow so we can set up our living room. My dresser and nightstand should be delivered by Thursday, so I will be able to put away some clothes.
We leave on Sunday for New Jersey/Hawaii, so we'll have to pack for that. And the MPRE is on Friday, so I'll have to start studying at some point soon. We also need to clean our old place and schedule a move-out inspection before we leave this weekend. We are super excited to be in our new place, but it will be nice when life is a bit more normal... :)
Last Day of Work
Friday was my last day as a summer associate. I can't believe it is already over! (well, I still have two more firm dinners this week, so it's still sort of persisting). It was a great day that went by way too fast. I had some work to finish up, a lot of good-byes to say, a 2-hour lunch with my favorite people and a Corporate department happy hour. The day was made a million times better because I also got my offer to come back full-time next fall! I always kind of knew that I would get it, but I had no idea it would happen that day, and it definitely gave me peace of mind knowing that I had it. I accepted it on the spot, as did most of the other people that received offers that day. I knew that I was going to accept and I figured, what the hell, let's just go for it!
Looking back on the summer, I can summarize my experience and formulate some advice for anyone who might be going through it in the future:
1. Always remember that you are in a 12-week long interview: once you are in the office, people know you are smart enough to be there, so don't spit out your resume whenever someone asks you a question; but you should always be on your best behavior, do your best work and try to make intelligent conversation when you're talking with attorneys
2. Let your (real) personality shine through, unless it sucks: I really think these people want to know that they'll enjoy spending time with you. Everyone knows you work a lot at a big law firm, so you might as well pass the time with someone you can stand, or even enjoy being with. If you're too focused on work or presenting a certain image of yourself, you'll never be relaxed enough to just be yourself and have fun.
3. Be mature: this one was as easy as it will ever be for me since I was pregnant. There is alcohol--lots of it--everywhere you go. The people who had problems this summer drank too much of it, reminiscent of college, and acted stupid. This is one of those things where you definitely have to know your audience and adjust accordingly, but I think you should always be the one drinking the least at your table. I found that as the summer went on, it was less and less awkward when I didn't order alcohol, I could carry on conversations with everyone comfortably and I always felt in control of myself. While I would have killed for some of those drinks at dinners, I am very glad I had this experience... it showed me that I can have fun and be a better guest when I drink much less, and it doesn't necessarily make me lame or boring to not drink alcohol. People judge you based on how you act, not what you drink (and if they judge you for not drinking, that's the wrong person to try and impress anyway).
Overall, I think it wasn't too bad to be a summer associate and pregnant at the same time. It sucks to not be able to do everything that everyone else does, to have to skip all the free alcohol and to be tired. But at the same time, it kept me more in control and more focused on getting the offer, which is what we're there for in the end. Of course, I never told work that I was pregnant. I will tell them once we tell PJO's parents, which is when we tell everyone who doesn't know. I think that will be ok, but I am curious as to what they will say and who will react positively.
The day before my last day, there was a Women's committee meeting. It was a panel discussion where we heard about the firm's policies that benefit women and what role the committee plays in the firm. Then each member on the panel presented a few pieces of advice for success and fielded questions. The first woman who spoke was a third year finance associate with a 14 month old. She got married her first year and then became pregnant almost right away. Her husband is also an attorney at the firm. It was good hearing her speak about how they managed, but I couldn't ask her the questions I really wanted to: what child care did she use, what happened when they both had to work late, does she feel like she's at a disadvantage with her career? Everyone else had good generic advice, but none of them were anywhere close to the point I am at in my life: 2 of the other 5 panelists were married, the rest were single. None of the others had children. They were talking about balancing dating with work, and "proving yourself" the first two years before pushing back at all. I realized that my support group will have to come from outside the firm. I have felt a lot of comfort reading the blogs of some of you, other moms in law school or the legal profession. It's not so much that I want someone to answer all my questions whenever I have them, I just want to know that I'm not the only one who is crazy enough to do this. It really helps hearing how the mundane, every day stuff works for everyone else, because that's what you really want to know about when you're undertaking something new: how it will impact your LIFE (every part of it, including the boring parts). The panelists did make me glad that I am at where I am in my life... I would not want to deal with finding and starting a new relationship while working as a big law attorney. I think by starting off a career with boundaries and balancing, people respect them more than if you try establishing those after letting them walk all over you for a few years. I wouldn't change anything about my life right now.
Looking back on the summer, I can summarize my experience and formulate some advice for anyone who might be going through it in the future:
1. Always remember that you are in a 12-week long interview: once you are in the office, people know you are smart enough to be there, so don't spit out your resume whenever someone asks you a question; but you should always be on your best behavior, do your best work and try to make intelligent conversation when you're talking with attorneys
2. Let your (real) personality shine through, unless it sucks: I really think these people want to know that they'll enjoy spending time with you. Everyone knows you work a lot at a big law firm, so you might as well pass the time with someone you can stand, or even enjoy being with. If you're too focused on work or presenting a certain image of yourself, you'll never be relaxed enough to just be yourself and have fun.
3. Be mature: this one was as easy as it will ever be for me since I was pregnant. There is alcohol--lots of it--everywhere you go. The people who had problems this summer drank too much of it, reminiscent of college, and acted stupid. This is one of those things where you definitely have to know your audience and adjust accordingly, but I think you should always be the one drinking the least at your table. I found that as the summer went on, it was less and less awkward when I didn't order alcohol, I could carry on conversations with everyone comfortably and I always felt in control of myself. While I would have killed for some of those drinks at dinners, I am very glad I had this experience... it showed me that I can have fun and be a better guest when I drink much less, and it doesn't necessarily make me lame or boring to not drink alcohol. People judge you based on how you act, not what you drink (and if they judge you for not drinking, that's the wrong person to try and impress anyway).
Overall, I think it wasn't too bad to be a summer associate and pregnant at the same time. It sucks to not be able to do everything that everyone else does, to have to skip all the free alcohol and to be tired. But at the same time, it kept me more in control and more focused on getting the offer, which is what we're there for in the end. Of course, I never told work that I was pregnant. I will tell them once we tell PJO's parents, which is when we tell everyone who doesn't know. I think that will be ok, but I am curious as to what they will say and who will react positively.
The day before my last day, there was a Women's committee meeting. It was a panel discussion where we heard about the firm's policies that benefit women and what role the committee plays in the firm. Then each member on the panel presented a few pieces of advice for success and fielded questions. The first woman who spoke was a third year finance associate with a 14 month old. She got married her first year and then became pregnant almost right away. Her husband is also an attorney at the firm. It was good hearing her speak about how they managed, but I couldn't ask her the questions I really wanted to: what child care did she use, what happened when they both had to work late, does she feel like she's at a disadvantage with her career? Everyone else had good generic advice, but none of them were anywhere close to the point I am at in my life: 2 of the other 5 panelists were married, the rest were single. None of the others had children. They were talking about balancing dating with work, and "proving yourself" the first two years before pushing back at all. I realized that my support group will have to come from outside the firm. I have felt a lot of comfort reading the blogs of some of you, other moms in law school or the legal profession. It's not so much that I want someone to answer all my questions whenever I have them, I just want to know that I'm not the only one who is crazy enough to do this. It really helps hearing how the mundane, every day stuff works for everyone else, because that's what you really want to know about when you're undertaking something new: how it will impact your LIFE (every part of it, including the boring parts). The panelists did make me glad that I am at where I am in my life... I would not want to deal with finding and starting a new relationship while working as a big law attorney. I think by starting off a career with boundaries and balancing, people respect them more than if you try establishing those after letting them walk all over you for a few years. I wouldn't change anything about my life right now.
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