Introducing...

Last Friday I said I was complaining about still being pregnant and about the prospect of not having a baby by this weekend. Someone must have heard me because I got to enjoy the weekend with PJO and Timmy and now I have a beautiful baby girl!

Meet Ellen Lucille "Ellie"



Born 9/19/2011 at 12:36am
8 lbs, 5 oz 19.5 in long

The Name:
Ellen is named after my grandmother that passed away almost two years ago. It is also my mom's middle name, my middle name and my aunt's (on my dad's side) middle name. Lucille...just because we liked it.

The Baby:
She looks like a miniature, more feminine version of Timmy. Same basic face, apple chin and chubby cheeks. Ellie has blondish hair and less of the barrel chest that Timmy had, but otherwise she looks very familiar. She is sweet and cuddly, already proving to be an excellent eater and snuggler.

The Labor & Delivery:

Saturday night I started having contractions around 8pm. They were pretty mild and only about every 15 minutes apart and stopped around 10pm. They woke me up again at 2am and were slightly more painful, but still not consistent and not progressing or getting closer together. Around 5:30am Sunday morning they stopped completely and I was tired and pissed that all that had led to nothing except a lack of sleep. Sunday I was grumpy (and contraction-free) all day. After accepting the fact that I could have several more nights like that before it turned into the real thing, contractions started at 7pm or so Sunday night. Still 15-20 minutes apart, but they quickly got more painful. Because of the abrupt end of contractions the night before, I was hesitant to call my mom and tell her to drive an hour up here to stay with Timmy. By 9:15 they were so painful that I knew even if they never got closer together they must be making me progress enough to be admitted at Labor & Delivery. I called my mom and calmly packed up the last few things I wanted to take to the hospital while PJO cleaned up and left notes for my mom in taking care of Timmy on Monday. She hit traffic on the way up to our place (seriously, 10pm on a Sunday night...only the 405 would have traffic), so as soon as she arrived at 10:40pm, we headed out the door.

Contractions were really painful at this point, but still only 8 minutes apart or so. I mentally prepared to be sent home. We got to the hospital right around 11pm and when I was finally checked at 11:30, I was already 6 cm dilated. Considering I was admitted at 2-3 when I had Timmy, this was crazy. I was begging for an epidural, but they had to get the requisite amount of fluid in via IV first. I think they finally got the epidural started around 12:15 am, at which point the nurses checked me and said I was already 10 cm and fully effaced. We waited for the doctor to arrive and when she did, the baby was out in two quick pushes. She was placed on my chest and we enjoyed skin-to-skin contact and nursing for almost an hour once she was cleaned up.



The Recovery:

I'm not sure how much has to do with the fact that Ellie is so much smaller than Timmy was and how much has to do with the fact that this was my second, but I'm honestly blown away at how easy it has been this time around. I had no tearing and managed to avoid the catheter. As I sat in the hospital bed on Monday, I kept waiting for the epidural to wear off and start feeling pain. It never happened. I asked my nurse if it was possible that the epidural was still effective (like 16 hours after I delivered) and she laughed as she said no. After having Timmy, I was wearing the ice-pack pads and taking the max dose of percocet for two weeks and still very, very uncomfortable for a few more months. This time, I have taken some motrin to help with the cramping while I breastfeed, but that's it. If it weren't for the engorgement I would feel almost normal again. We came home Tuesday afternoon and adjusting to life at home with two kids has been pretty smooth.

The Big Brother:

Timmy ADORES his baby sister. He bounded into the hospital room Monday morning shouting "LOOK AT THE BABY! THAT'S MY BABY!" and then asked to hold her, saying he wanted to give her a big hug and kiss (which he proceeded to do). Tuesday when he came home from daycare, I could hear him walking up the stairs saying "baby Ellie, where are you?!" He has shown nothing but affection (and concern if she's crying) so far and my heart melts every time I see the way he looks at her.




All three of us are completely in love. We feel so much more like a family and less like a couple with a child. She has me already thinking that this can't possibly be the last time I get to enjoy this new baby bliss.

The Final Countdown

My due date is 6 days away. I'm still pregnant. I'm still not completely desperate to have the baby like I was when I was pregnant with Timmy, but I'm starting to get nervous at the possibility that I'll go past my due date. Psychologically, that might destroy me.

Both my brother and I were born exactly on our due dates, and Timmy came one day before his, so maybe that means it's likely this one will be born right around the 21st/22nd? I could live with that, but if I'm still pregnant next weekend I'll be deeply depressed. When my doctor mentioned yesterday that they would start monitoring me every few days if I go overdue, I wanted to cry.

Both PJO and my childcare for Timmy (my mom) are about an hour and a half away, so I'm partly just anxious about everything being covered when I need to get to the hospital. Because if my 8 hour labor last time was any indication, I won't have much time to sit around and wait for people to get here. I'm also finally getting as uncomfortable as I remember being for the last 6 weeks with Timmy. Waking up at all hours, sore and uncomfortable, heartburn, nausea, etc... So, that's where I am. Wishing I could at least know for certain that baby airplane will be here sometime before next weekend.

I have enjoyed my time off the past two weeks though, and I'm glad I had that time. Timmy's completed baby book has been ordered (I made it on Blurb). My hospital bag is packed. Our apartment is as ready as it will ever be to house two adults and two children. I caught up on some TV, movies and sleep. I snuggled with my sick boy and spent lots of time playing with him and taking him to his favorite parks. I read books by the pool and listened to audio books on walks. I have hung out with friends in my neighborhood. I've cooked. I've gotten massages from PJO while I pester him about choosing a freaking middle name already. Most importantly, I have largely ignored my blackberry.

Today I plan on going to see a movie, shopping and extending back to school night into a date night. I also want to figure out the best way to get access to lots of complete seasons of TV shows. At first, I thought of subscribing to HBO and using HBO Go, but our cable provider doesn't have that available and there are some non-HBO shows I want to see. Now I think I may re-subscribe to Netflix even though I felt like it was a waste when I had it and I'm annoyed at how much they raised their prices. Paying a la carte on iTunes would be too expensive for the amount of TV I want to watch on leave. So if anyone has suggestions on shows to watch and how to watch them, I'm all ears!

Starting tonight, we will be enjoying what will likely/hopefully be our last weekend as a family of three.

On my way out

Anticlimactic is the only way to describe it. Tomorrow I'll officially be on maternity leave, which makes today my last day at the office. Ongoing matters have been handed off to other associates. Documents from closed matters have finally been shredded or sent to records. My desk is cleaned off and looks presentable (and untouched). Other than the pictures and business cards on my desk, you would never know the office is occupied.

I am so glad that I had time to get everything completely organized so that I won't have to worry about anything while I'm out. And now that it's quiet and clean, I am really looking forward to my next first day of work when I'll come back to a clean slate. I'm going to miss seeing coworkers and going to lunch. It will be weird to not have to check my blackberry at all times, but I definitely won't miss that.

Mostly, it's weird to be packing up and leaving work when I have no idea when I'll actually be having a baby. I'm not due for nearly three more weeks. Because this time pre-delivery doesn't impact my 18 weeks of maternity leave, I'm hoping to actually have much of these next three weeks baby-free. I don't know exactly what I'll do with myself during this time, but my basic plans include: spending more time with Timmy (and PJO at night), taking naps, reading books by the pool, watching movies, cooking actual meals (something I haven't done much of in months), finishing Timmy's baby book, packing a hospital bag and going for walks to celebrate not being chained to a desk.

It's so strange for me to be 37 weeks pregnant and not desperately wishing for the baby to be born. Part of it has to be the fact that I already have Timmy and know that it is much easier to take care of this baby while she's still on the inside. But I think part of it must be because I'm less uncomfortable. Timmy was so big and he didn't drop until about 5 hours after I was fully dilated, so everything was just terribly cramped and sore. This time I seem to be measuring much smaller and the baby is definitely lower. While I will never enjoy being pregnant and would certainly not consider myself "comfortable" right now, I am at the point where time with Timmy and a few more days of sleep sounds better than not being pregnant. Weird.

Awkwardness

About a month ago, I started contacting photographers to set up a newborn photo shoot / family shoot. I had two favorites, and one of them is the photographer that was recommended to me by several friends. A few days later, I noticed an ad from that recommended photographer, seeking a pregnant woman to do a test photo shoot at their studio to train up their editor as a photographer. They requested someone who would be 30-32 weeks and I was going to be 31 weeks.

I'm really not sure what made me volunteer. Part of it was the serendipitous timing...I was exactly how far along they wanted their test model to be and it was a few days after I had contacted them about something unrelated. Part of it was the lure of a make-up artist...what girl doesn't like being done up? And part of it was the promise of free pictures.

Pictures, mind you, that I would never in a million years pay for. Sorry, but I find nothing attractive about a pregnant body. 95% percent of maternity photos I see are cheesy and ugly. I can't see myself ever wanting to look at a maternity photo on a regular basis, and I think if I wanted to put one in a baby book or something, I could just take it myself. Add to that the fact that I am THE MOST awkward photo subject ever. I hate having pictures taken of myself. What do I do with my hands, where do I look, how do I stand, how much should I smile, please don't ask me to do anything too complicated like look down and give a half smile.

But I signed up.

I got the pictures back last week and I am glad I did it. Not so much for the pictures themselves, but because now I am excited for the newborn shoot I've scheduled with them and will be comfortable because I've worked with them before. And now I know that it's important to at least blow dry my hair before pictures...they said a make-up artist, not a hair stylist.






lots of make-up


The most make-up I've ever worn in my life

Passing Time

It's still August, month of many vacations. The market is a wreck, so any deals that were in the works are "pencils down" as far as I can tell. With just over three weeks left before going on maternity leave (I think), it's not feasible for me to take on most of the projects that are emailed around to junior associates (i.e. prep for this pro bono case with a hearing end of September).

So every day, I come into the office. Some days I'll be "busy." Most days I am bored. And the thing is, I don't really want to be super busy. It would be nice to be distracted and for time to pass more quickly, but I'm tired and uncomfortable and just not at the top of my game. This, I'm noticing, is the biggest difference between this pregnancy and last.

Last time, I couldn't wait to meet my baby. I hated being pregnant and cursed the physical condition every waking hour. I wished with every ounce of my being that I would go into labor at 38 weeks. Every spare minute I had was spent planning out something for the new baby.

This time, I still hate being pregnant. BUT, I can definitely wait to meet the new baby. The excitement I have about holding her is tempered by the realization that I can enjoy sleep and as much Timmy time as I want right now. This time, I get the same amount of post-birth time off no matter when she is born, so I kind of want to take advantage of the time I plan on being home before the baby arrives to rest, soak up time with Timmy and PJO and take care of some to-dos.

I may very well be bored on maternity leave pre-baby, but at least I can take a nap or go for a walk without my blackberry and a fear of missing The Call from The Partner.

Once I actually typed all of this out, I realized how whiney I sound. I don't intend this to complain...I actually am very content with most aspects of my life right now, just a little bit bored on weekdays.

Spitting Distance

Almost all of my remaining doctor appointments are booked. Officially there are 9 weeks to go until my due date, which means 6 more appointments. 6 more mornings of peeing in a cup, stepping on a scale and listening to a heartbeat before I head into work late. As much as I dislike having to re-arrange my schedule to drop Timmy off for daycare and still get an early-enough appointment to make it to work at a reasonable hour, I remember missing seeing my doctor after Timmy was born and I am pretty sure I'll miss it even more this time. I love them and love catching up with them.

Today I took the hospital pre-registration form with me to fill out. Looking at that, and remembering that I last saw it when I was touring the hospital before having Timmy, suddenly made baby Airplane's arrival seem very real and imminent. I'm not nervous at all about the physical delivery and I'm only slightly apprehensive about the logistics of arranging care for Timmy when I go into labor. What gives me occasional panic attacks is that we are not prepared to bring her home. There is still plenty of time, sure. But we don't have the corner of our room cleared out to put the bassinet in (much less a nursery). We haven't bought diapers or ...what else do you need for newborns, I forget! We have about 3 outfits she can wear, none of which have been washed (because there is nowhere to put them). We still have to buy a carseat and re-assemble the baby gear that is in storage.

Realistically, it will get done before she arrives and even if it doesn't, she will survive. But I like things to be planned and ready, well in advance. I actually arrive at the airport 2 hours before domestic flights and 3 hours before international flights. Cutting it close is not my thing.

So here we go. About 2 more months to prepare!

The Muh-ndays

Today I have a serious case of the Mondays. What started as a tickle in my throat Friday night became a full-fledged sinus infection Saturday afternoon, which morphed into debilitating congestion/weakness/chest pain on Sunday. My asthma manifests itself in my adult life by turning every cold I get into a bronchial infection or sinusitis. I also seem to suffer from pregnancy rhinitis, as I figured out last pregnancy, which could explain why this is my 4th sinus infection of this pregnancy.

Thus considering myself a sinus infection expert, I went to urgent care yesterday to get myself some antibiotics and nasal spray, bypassing the 2 or 3 days of misery where I try to get by with claritin, my inhaler and neti pot. The doctor agreed with my self-diagnosis (congested sinus cavity, ear infection left ear, inflamed throat, slight wheezing) and quickly gave me what I came for.

Somehow I managed to get through the 9 hours of work I had to do yesterday even though my computer kept trying to sabotage my efforts. I dragged myself into the office today even though I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed. There are 4 more work days until the weekend.

So, it's Monday. That's the bad news.

The good news is, I have been looking at baby items to personalize today because we actually decided on a name for baby Airplane! I never in a million years would have thought that we would pick one before the baby was born, but we decided on one this weekend. We still won't tell people the name until she's here, but I am going to buy something with her name on it so PJO can't back down and change his mind. She may come home from the hospital to no nursery or crib, but at least she'll have something frivolous with her name on it.

In High Demand

I'm not sure whether it's because he is suddenly very aware of the impending arrival of Baby Airplane (Timmy's affectionate nickname for his baby sister), because he just isn't getting enough time with me during the week or if it's "just a phase," but Timmy has been all about Mommy recently. Past the point of being cute, often I'm the only one he will let do anything for him. "No, Daddy!" has become his new catch phrase and he says it at bath time, bed time, dinner time and whenever I'm not holding him.

Suddenly, drop-off at daycare has become a struggle, with him clinging to me and whining that he wants to go back to Mommy's car. It's not always crying/whining either. Over the past two weeks, bedtime has stretched into a two and a half hour phenomenon. Some nights, he'll walk out of his bedroom 12 times after we leave, each time with a smile on his face, and each time asking to snuggle with either Mommy or Daddy. It would be easier to ignore his crying than to turn down his polite requests for snuggles or playing.

I vacillate between wanting to give him extra snuggles now to reassure him that I'm still very much here and present for him and wanting to break the Mommy-addiction before I actually am torn by the demands on my time.

90% of the time, he is the same sweet and funny boy as before. He loves to snuggle, and sing songs and tell jokes and read stories. He gives amazing hugs and kisses. He is turning into a full-fledged little boy that suddenly can count to 25, point out the continents on a map, put together real puzzles and ride a tricycle. I think he'll be a great big brother and I am pretty sure he'll actually be excited about the new baby when she's here. But for right now, I just feel a twinge of sadness that her arrival might stress him out or make him worry that I won't love him as much as I did before. I know that toddler feelings aren't always rational, but I'm not sure how to ease out of this transitional phase.

Because of ridiculous California laws (and my firm's policy to match my regular salary during "disability" time off pre-labor), I'm planning on going on maternity leave a few weeks before my due date. I have big plans for my time with Timmy for these last few weeks with him as my one and only. And I'm looking forward to maternity leave much more for the extra time with him than for the time with a newborn. When all is said and done, I'll have about 5 months off work to enjoy leisurely mornings and real family dinners. To pick him up early from school some days and go the duck park. To have family time on weekends uninterrupted by my blackberry.

At the same time that I feel the pressure from Timmy, Baby Airplane has her own set of demands on my attention. I'm already getting to the point where I'm just uncomfortable most of the time, and I still have two months to go! Rolling over to the other side in bed at night is more of a 3-part maneuver. Sitting for too long makes me feel cramped and stiff, standing for too long makes my back ache. Carrying my 35 pound toddler is just...owww. I find myself taking tums every day for heartburn and can feel her pounding against my hips, spreading them wider and making room for herself. A nasty looking varicose vein is appearing on my right thigh. Pregnancy is gross...I wish it were feasible to grow a baby in a petri dish.

I finally got around to taking a picture of the belly, to prove that I look so much bigger this time.

Me at 6 months last time:



Me at 6.5 months this time:

The Dog Days of Pregnancy

The only people I've ever heard refer to the "dog days of summer" are baseball announcers. As Wikipedia helpfully confirms, the phrase is used to describe the hottest days of the year, generally the period from approximately July until early September but "Dog Days can also define a time period or event that is very hot or stagnant, or marked by dull lack of progress." It's a pretty good description of the month of August in a major league baseball season; whatever excitement was generated by the All-Star break is over and the playoffs (and cooler temperatures) are still nowhere in sight. Every day is sort of the same, hot, uncomfortable and, for the most part, remarkably unexciting.

I've never pretended to be overly fond of any part of pregnancy, but at least in the beginning there is the excitement of the newness of it all, telling people and finding out the gender (and also the bigger boobs without the bigger belly). The "playoffs" is a pretty freaking exciting time (and the only party I enjoy), namely, having the baby.

But that stretch from about 20 weeks until ...well, the end...I would say it's a time period "that is very hot or stagnant, or marked by dull lack of progress." And I'm stuck in it for the next several months. Luckily, this pregnancy is flying by and I have a very cute toddler and a demanding job to distract me from the dull moments. But I still find myself occasionally flabbergasted that I still have many months to go. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not ready for a new baby to be here right this instant. But I'm already sick of being pregnant. And this time, I have the misfortune of knowing that physically, it's all downhill from here.

The thing is, so much of pregnancy is just waiting. It just sort of happens while you go about your normal life, and there is very little you need to do to prepare (especially when you already have a child and have most of the stuff that goes with a baby). PJO and I have tentatively decided on a name and I bought the going home outfit on impulse one day.

Pretty much the only thing left to do is make a place for her in our tiny apartment. Because there is no nursery to decorate, this involves clearing out as much space as possible from the master bedroom and Timmy's room to squeeze in the miscellaneous items where we can (and hope we move before we need a crib). I am packing up all my china and crystal and getting rid of the china cabinet to make room for our glider that's been in storage. We've gotten rid of old toys and anything we don't REALLY need. I've started clearing out both closets to make room for bins/drawers to store baby clothes. Basically, it's an organizational dream come true until we have to actually clutter everything again with baby paraphernalia. This reorganization will probably last most of the rest of my dog days of pregnancy...if only I could enjoy a nice, cold beer while I do all the work!

Naming Etiquette

Very unlike the process of choosing a name for Timmy, PJO and I have "tentatively" agreed on a name for our baby girl. We have very specific requirements* for the names we pick for our children, so even after looking at the list of top 500 names, there are only a handful that we both like. I think we are less conflicted this time because (i) he's not as emotionally invested in girl names, (ii) the name I want is meaningful to me and (iii) we already have one name to sort of match it to and keep in line with.

My question is, when is a name "off-limits?" When I was pregnant with Timmy, I knew very few babies/toddlers, so I never worried about picking a name that a friend, neighbor or relative had already chosen. Luckily, I would never be tempted to pick one of my nieces' or nephews' names, but what about names your friends, co-workers or cousins have chosen? Does it make a difference if the two kids with the same name would be in the same circle of friends/playgroup/neighborhood/school? Does it make a difference if the name is different, but the nickname is the same?

Since we don't really want to tell anyone what the name is until the baby is born, I don't plan on asking the mom her thoughts. But is it rude to be a name-stealer? Who would the name have to belong to in order for you to not pick it?


*In case you're curious, they are generally that the name must: 1) be classic (i.e. in existence at least by the 1950s, preferably earlier) 2)not too popular (definitely not in the top 10, preferably not in the top 100) 3) lend itself to a good nickname 4) be good for a child AND an adult 5) be easy to spell and pronounce and 6) not be identified primarily with a particular religion or ethnicity. Very specific, but I think Timothy fits the bill perfectly, and I love our girl name for all the same reasons.

Modesty

After the ultrasound this morning, it's still unclear whether Timmy will be getting a little brother or sister in September. As everyone else jokes, surely this is a sign of modesty and/or stubbornness, in which case it must be a girl. (and for the record, my gut instinct is saying girl).

Normally, I wouldn't get another ultrasound until 36 weeks, but my doctor said she would look again at my next appointment if I want her to. I keep thinking about how crazy I would have gone if I had to be this patient with my first pregnancy. Part of me wants to just wait and be surprised in the delivery room, but I've already squinted at enough ultrasound pictures to feel like I need to know the gender sooner. And as long as baby #2 is boy/girl/he/she, PJO refuses to even listen to me discuss names, much less contribute to the conversation. Given that we have no room for any extra baby stuff in our tiny apartment, much less a nursery to decorate, I don't care about any of the buying/decorating aspects of finding out boy or girl. I just want to be able to doodle names and practice saying them out loud and get used to the idea that the "it" kicking up a storm in my belly is going to be a son or daughter that I will find it hard to believe I ever knew as anything other than the name we eventually pick out.

Update:
I am crazy. This afternoon, on a whim, I called one of those ultrasound places and scheduled an appointment for a "gender determination." I didn't want to be the annoying patient asking for yet another ultrasound at my next visit, dragging out a visit before work when they inevitably make me wait for the ultrasound room (or risk paying what insurance might charge for an unnecessary ultrasound), so I just went on my own. In about 2 minutes, I had my answer. And now, I have very close up and detailed 8x10 prints of a vagina. The tech told me that his accuracy rate is 99%, but he would venture to guess that his rate will improve after this prediction. So I guess I do have some sort of mother's intuition...I'm 2 for 2 on my gut instinct for babies' gender.

Mini Updates

* Timmy recovered from the stomach virus episode shortly before my mom, the babysitter and I fell victim to it. It was such a rapidly spreading phenomenon; half of his school was out last week with the same symptoms! This week it's the teachers. The scrambling continues, but is much easier to cope with when the little person is happy.

* Despite being (or maybe because he is) healthy, he is showing some serious attitude when pushing boundaries. Whenever I am about to scold him, he says "Seriously?!" in the half-sarcastic, half-rhetorical tone I use all the time when he's being ridiculous. He almost always uses it in just the right place, which makes it SO hard to not give in and laugh.

* It doesn't really count as a funny toddler phrase, but I love how he spells his name right now: "T - I - NEM - Y" sometimes with an "8 - 9" thrown in at the end. He always completes it by clapping his hands, saying Timmy! and pointing to himself.

* The stories he tells and songs he sings are getting more and more entertaining. The other night during bath time, he started telling me about how he's going to take swimming lessons at school. In the pool (which doesn't exist). His teacher is going to be "Betty Boo" who is one of his biggest crushes at school (also happens to be many months younger than him). They will learn to kick and splash and blow bubbles and they'll swim with dolphins, whales, penguins and seals. In the POOL! ("I funny").

* I got on a new deal at work with two of the best supervisors in my office. I love it and really wish I could pick the people I work for and then do so exclusively. Suddenly I'm learning more than I have in the past 6 months and enjoying every minute of it.

* Tomorrow I turn 28. But I'm much more excited about my doctor's appointment the next day because I was told we might be able to find out the sex of baby #2 then. I sort of wish I could just skip tomorrow to find out sooner.

* Both PJO and I have a gut feeling that we're having a girl this time. Last time, my gut feeling said boy and I ended up being right. I honestly have no preference one way or the other. I LOVE little boys and lately I've seen so many families of all boys (3 or 4) where I think, that looks like so much fun and I would be an awesome mom of all boys. A girl would be new and exciting and no one can deny that girls' clothes and accessories are much cuter. I am completely apprehensive about the drama, high emotion, princess-everything and the overload of pink but at least any girl I ever have will grow up with an older brother leading the way. All we ask for is a healthy baby (obviously).

* At least 50% of my wardrobe is now maternity stuff. I'm thankful for a friend who urged me to get a bella band because now I have work pants that will work for a while longer...not many maternity pants come with a '34 - '36 inseam. At least I'm comfortable now, but I still feel awkward walking around with a visible partial belly that's not obviously pregnancy poundage. I'm guessing it won't be long until I'm fully popped out, considering my belly button is mostly there. Gross.

Special Delivery

If all goes according to plan, baby number two will be making an appearance in September. Is it a bad sign that I'm already looking forward to maternity leave?