This may be a little bit late to the game, but I finally read The Last Lecture. I originally bought it for PJO before one of his long flights to London because I knew it was written by a Computer Science professor and was a top seller. PJO thought it was a good book and it even made him teary eyed on the plane, so I knew I should read it one day. It did not disappoint.
In case you're unfamiliar, the book is basically Randy Pausch's way of saying goodbye and telling us what he has learned in life before succumbing to pancreatic cancer. He gave his "last lecture" to a packed auditorium at Carnegie Mellon on how to achieve your childhood dreams, and in doing so, divulged his secrets for leading a happy life. It may not be the most eloquently written, literary masterpiece out there, but it is an honest and thought provoking account of some of life's most important lessons.
When you hear about the circumstances in which he wrote this, you can't help but choke back tears. He was given a few months to live and say goodbye to his wife and three young children.
"There are so many things I want to tell my children, and right now, they're too young to understand. Dylan just turned six. Logan is three. Chloe is eighteen months old. I want the kids to know who I am, what I've always believed in, and all the ways in which I've come to love them. Given their ages, so much of this would be over their heads. I wish the kids could understand how desperately I don't want to leave them....It pains me to think that when they're older, they won't have a father. When I cry in the shower, I'm not usually thinking, 'I won't get to see them do this' or 'I won't get to see them do that.' I'm thinking about the kids not having a father."
Luckily for his kids, they will have ways to get a glimpse of what their dad was like, even if he isn't alive. They can read the book, they can watch videos, they can ask their mom to tell stories. And luckily, they will be proud of who he was. They will be glad to find out that he was truly happy and left with no regrets about how he lived his life. They will feel loved when they find out that he was madly in love with them and their mom.
This is what he had to say about his youngest, who was older than Timmy is now:
"I'm aware that Chloe may have no memory of me at all. She's too young. But I want her to grow up knowing that I was the first man ever to fall in love with her. I'd always thought the father/daughter thing was overstated. But I can tell you, it's real. Sometimes, she looks at me and I just become a puddle."
Wow.
So I think it's natural to wonder as you read this what legacy you would be leaving behind if you died today. I'm sure that's part of his reason for writing this book; giving his audience reason to pause and self-reflect. Maybe someone out there will think, "Hey, if I die tomorrow, I should really live it up today and tell the people I love what they mean to me and hope that they will remember me as a good person."
I've thought about this before. Although my Grandma's funeral last fall was the first funeral I've ever been to, it was the third funeral in my mom's immediate family. She told me how each one was different from the other; my Grandpa died when I was 3 after battling Leukemia for 15 years. While it was sad, my whole family had been glad to see him at peace after suffering for so long. In quite a different situation, my Aunt died completely unexpectedly when she was only 36. She passed away in her sleep (we think from a blood clot in her brain), leaving behind 4 kids, including a 9 day old daughter. There was nothing that could mitigate the unimaginable tragedy. I am told the funeral was a horrific scene. Finally, my Grandma died unexpectedly but after having lived a full, happy life. There were mixed emotions at the funeral: grief at her passing but celebration of the joy in her life.
My Aunt, Grandma and Grandpa all leave behind a legacy that they would be proud of. They had varying lengths of time to form the memories others had of them before they left. I'm not sure if they were abnormally good people or if time renders all memories of a deceased family member positive and glowing. I just know that I want to be remembered as half as good of a person as any of them. I want PJO to know when I'm gone that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I want my parents to know that I think I lucked out by being born to them and that I hope I can emulate lessons from them in raising my own family. I want Timmy to know that if he grows up to be a happy man, then I will consider my life a success. There is so much more than that, but I can't put it into words. I hope people will one day remember me as someone they wanted in their life, however I fit into it; that I made them happier and more fulfilled by being there. The challenge is to live each day like that is the goal, and keep it in mind even when it seems like I have all the time in the world left to live.
Showing posts with label Deep Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deep Thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Eye of the Beholder
Yesterday I stood in front of the mirror before jumping into the shower and was horrified to discover the shape my boobs have taken. My once perky 34Ds have shrunken into flat and misshapen, not quite a handful, definitely not perky, breasts. I no longer feel that I can refer to them as boobs because there is nothing youthful or fun about them. It's definitely the worst side effect of pregnancy and nursing. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm about 10 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. Side note: why is it that when you lose weight, the first place impacted is your boobs; but that is the last place to catch up when you gain weight? So unfair. But I digress.
This sent me into a spiral of self-consciousness and self-loathing. Ok, maybe that's a little dramatic, but like every other woman I know, there are things about my appearance I will always feel uncomfortable about. Wishing I could change this, alter that, snip this, enhance that.
I think the first time I every thought about improving my appearance was in 7th grade. I grew 8 inches in two years. I TOWERED over all my peers, but especially boys. I was so skinny that I looked anorexic. I longed for a surgery that would make me shorter and more curvy. I wanted to bind my feet so they would fit into a size 7 shoe instead of being clown feet. I suddenly became conscious of my big nose and wondered when I would be able to get a nose job.
Over the years, there were things added to my list of "what I want to change." I wished for clearer skin, hair with more body, easier to groom eyebrows, straighter teeth, etc... My gosh, the list could go on forever. But I realized that I was never going to actually do anything drastic about it. I would never get plastic surgery. That's so unnatural. I would no longer be myself.
When the whole Heidi Montag shit show hit the news a week or two ago, I felt physically ill. Here was a once cute girl who had transformed herself into a disgusting, fake, transvestite look-alike. It's easy for me to diagnose her as suffering from irrational self-image issues. Obviously. I wanted to shake her and make her realize that she was already pretty, so STOP ALREADY. But are her's so different from my irrational body issues? Sure, she's acting on it. Sure, she's splashing it all over the internet, desperately trying to extend her 15 minutes. But at the root, I think it's the same problem. Not really accepting yourself as beautiful or perfect. Comparing yourself to some non-existent, perfectly airbrushed image of what beauty is.
I'm not afraid to admit that I don't think of myself as beautiful. Pretty, sometimes. Maybe. I've had periods of feeling more comfortable in my own skin, but I've never reached full acceptance. I try to project myself as confident and satisfied, but I usually have to rely on non-physical aspects to reach that point. I'm smart, I can make friends easily, I am fun to be around.
For most parents, having a child or children to set an example for changes perspective on what is important. I think Timmy is perfect in every way. I want him to feel good about who he is, and see himself as I see him. I want him to know that he can do whatever he sets his mind to, and I want him to surround himself with people who will remind him of how great he is. I certainly want him to stay away from self-destructive behavior and physically destructive surgery. How hypocritical is that for me to want him to do all the things that I can't or won't do for myself? I see some of my features in his appearance, but in him, they look perfect and beautiful. I can't even imagine how much more poignant this would be if Timmy were a girl.
Am I crazy? Am I the only "smart and confident" girl who feels this way?
This sent me into a spiral of self-consciousness and self-loathing. Ok, maybe that's a little dramatic, but like every other woman I know, there are things about my appearance I will always feel uncomfortable about. Wishing I could change this, alter that, snip this, enhance that.
I think the first time I every thought about improving my appearance was in 7th grade. I grew 8 inches in two years. I TOWERED over all my peers, but especially boys. I was so skinny that I looked anorexic. I longed for a surgery that would make me shorter and more curvy. I wanted to bind my feet so they would fit into a size 7 shoe instead of being clown feet. I suddenly became conscious of my big nose and wondered when I would be able to get a nose job.
Over the years, there were things added to my list of "what I want to change." I wished for clearer skin, hair with more body, easier to groom eyebrows, straighter teeth, etc... My gosh, the list could go on forever. But I realized that I was never going to actually do anything drastic about it. I would never get plastic surgery. That's so unnatural. I would no longer be myself.
When the whole Heidi Montag shit show hit the news a week or two ago, I felt physically ill. Here was a once cute girl who had transformed herself into a disgusting, fake, transvestite look-alike. It's easy for me to diagnose her as suffering from irrational self-image issues. Obviously. I wanted to shake her and make her realize that she was already pretty, so STOP ALREADY. But are her's so different from my irrational body issues? Sure, she's acting on it. Sure, she's splashing it all over the internet, desperately trying to extend her 15 minutes. But at the root, I think it's the same problem. Not really accepting yourself as beautiful or perfect. Comparing yourself to some non-existent, perfectly airbrushed image of what beauty is.
I'm not afraid to admit that I don't think of myself as beautiful. Pretty, sometimes. Maybe. I've had periods of feeling more comfortable in my own skin, but I've never reached full acceptance. I try to project myself as confident and satisfied, but I usually have to rely on non-physical aspects to reach that point. I'm smart, I can make friends easily, I am fun to be around.
For most parents, having a child or children to set an example for changes perspective on what is important. I think Timmy is perfect in every way. I want him to feel good about who he is, and see himself as I see him. I want him to know that he can do whatever he sets his mind to, and I want him to surround himself with people who will remind him of how great he is. I certainly want him to stay away from self-destructive behavior and physically destructive surgery. How hypocritical is that for me to want him to do all the things that I can't or won't do for myself? I see some of my features in his appearance, but in him, they look perfect and beautiful. I can't even imagine how much more poignant this would be if Timmy were a girl.
Am I crazy? Am I the only "smart and confident" girl who feels this way?
Monday, January 25, 2010
One for you, Two for me
My stint as a full-time stay-at-home mom is nearly halfway over. Since finishing the bar exam and spending 24-7 with Timmy at home, I've vacillated between trying to soak up every millisecond of being nothing more and nothing less than his mom and wishing I could start working 10 months before my deferment expires. I've struggled with my identity and what my purpose in life is, having gone through three years of school and three months of bar exam torture to watch Oprah and eat bon bons every day (kiddddddding!!).
Turning one has made Timmy transform from a sweet, cuddly but unpredictable baby into an interactive, fun and loving toddler. I find myself laughing at him and his funny faces, silly dancing and hilarious noises all day long. I never let go first when he "hugs" me, I squeeze back as long as he tolerates it. I let him dictate the pace of the day rather than trying to plan events far in advance. I'm finding that keeping busy and getting out is essential to sanity and peace. Basically, I'm getting better at being a full-time mom, my kid is becoming a unique individual and I'm starting to love every minute I have with him.
During the first 8 months or so of his life, I didn't feel like I could possibly work full-time. I couldn't miss a second of his babyhood. I couldn't function at 100% because I was a little sleep-deprived and slightly emotionally unstable, wrapped up in my baby completely. It wasn't because I thought he needed me and no one else (although he sort of did since I was breastfeeding). It was that I needed him all the time. I wanted to give 100% of myself to him. I wanted to remember every second with total clarity forever.
Then I began to feel like I was sort of returning to my old, pre-baby self and wanting to find my identity without being completely tied to a baby. I wanted time to myself, time to act like I was 26 years old. It's not that I loved him less, but I started to remember that I was more than just a mom.
Now that he is beginning to remember more, develop his own personality, display preferences and tastes and want to hang out with me, I find that I want to be with him because he will enjoy it and remember things I do with him. Soon he'll be able to tell me what he did during the day or reenact things I missed. But it will be a long time before he cares about what I do during the day when I'm away from him.
I think a lot of parenting will be this way; I will benefit at least twice as much by being Timmy's mom as he does by being my son. It will be hard to do anything unless it will be good for him or beneficial to our family. And that is why I struggle already with what shape my career will take. I would love to find success working at the Firm and put 110% of myself into developing my career there. I want to make my supervisors proud and earn the trust of my co-workers and clients. I want to feel satisfied and fulfilled. But how will I ever spend the vast majority of Timmy's waking hours away from him? I have this doubt not because I think he won't thrive and grow without my watchful eye over him, but because I'm not sure how I can thrive and grow without his giggle within earshot.
The first lesson in becoming a parent is foregoing selfish desires to better provide for your family. I have to work for a while, pay off debt, buy a house that my kids can run around in and save for their college tuition. I want to set a good example for my kids and have a career they can be proud of too. But part of me selfishly wants to work less and spend much more time with my kids as they grow up. Sometimes I think, "why would I go through the trouble of law school and the bar to not have a long, illustrious career as a lawyer." Why didn't it occur to me before that I would ever question going through the trouble of having children and then not devoting myself completely to being their mom? I want to believe I can have both and I am still convincing myself that is true, because it will HAVE to be my life for at least a few years. And I mostly WANT it to be my life.
Then there is the part of me that wonders if I am cheating myself.
Turning one has made Timmy transform from a sweet, cuddly but unpredictable baby into an interactive, fun and loving toddler. I find myself laughing at him and his funny faces, silly dancing and hilarious noises all day long. I never let go first when he "hugs" me, I squeeze back as long as he tolerates it. I let him dictate the pace of the day rather than trying to plan events far in advance. I'm finding that keeping busy and getting out is essential to sanity and peace. Basically, I'm getting better at being a full-time mom, my kid is becoming a unique individual and I'm starting to love every minute I have with him.
During the first 8 months or so of his life, I didn't feel like I could possibly work full-time. I couldn't miss a second of his babyhood. I couldn't function at 100% because I was a little sleep-deprived and slightly emotionally unstable, wrapped up in my baby completely. It wasn't because I thought he needed me and no one else (although he sort of did since I was breastfeeding). It was that I needed him all the time. I wanted to give 100% of myself to him. I wanted to remember every second with total clarity forever.
Then I began to feel like I was sort of returning to my old, pre-baby self and wanting to find my identity without being completely tied to a baby. I wanted time to myself, time to act like I was 26 years old. It's not that I loved him less, but I started to remember that I was more than just a mom.
Now that he is beginning to remember more, develop his own personality, display preferences and tastes and want to hang out with me, I find that I want to be with him because he will enjoy it and remember things I do with him. Soon he'll be able to tell me what he did during the day or reenact things I missed. But it will be a long time before he cares about what I do during the day when I'm away from him.
I think a lot of parenting will be this way; I will benefit at least twice as much by being Timmy's mom as he does by being my son. It will be hard to do anything unless it will be good for him or beneficial to our family. And that is why I struggle already with what shape my career will take. I would love to find success working at the Firm and put 110% of myself into developing my career there. I want to make my supervisors proud and earn the trust of my co-workers and clients. I want to feel satisfied and fulfilled. But how will I ever spend the vast majority of Timmy's waking hours away from him? I have this doubt not because I think he won't thrive and grow without my watchful eye over him, but because I'm not sure how I can thrive and grow without his giggle within earshot.
The first lesson in becoming a parent is foregoing selfish desires to better provide for your family. I have to work for a while, pay off debt, buy a house that my kids can run around in and save for their college tuition. I want to set a good example for my kids and have a career they can be proud of too. But part of me selfishly wants to work less and spend much more time with my kids as they grow up. Sometimes I think, "why would I go through the trouble of law school and the bar to not have a long, illustrious career as a lawyer." Why didn't it occur to me before that I would ever question going through the trouble of having children and then not devoting myself completely to being their mom? I want to believe I can have both and I am still convincing myself that is true, because it will HAVE to be my life for at least a few years. And I mostly WANT it to be my life.
Then there is the part of me that wonders if I am cheating myself.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Identity Crisis? Or Nostalgia?
I am always intrigued by those quizzes that tell you what your dreams mean. I never remember anything except that falling means something sexual... right? I also think I remember reading something about recurring dreams being kind of rare and indicating a higher level of crazy (I often have recurring dreams).
Anyway, I tend to have crazy, vivid dreams that have no place in reality. For example, a few weeks ago, there were a couple of nights where my dream involved me platform diving off of the Chrysler Building (except it was into the Caribbean where sharks and dolphins awaited me) with Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera.* After diving into the water, I was riding on a catamaran with the other people that I had been diving with... and the driver/tour guide was pointing out alligators; then, all of the sudden, he was wrestling with them.
But my point... I did have one. Oh right. So the past few nights, I was not myself in my dreams. I was my former self. I had a few dreams where I was a nanny in college again. I also had a few where I was inexplicably young and single (but the same age as I am in real life). Not that I was acting single, but it was just weird that my husband wasn't in my dreams with me. I mean, he is ever-present in my life... we do everything together. So it was totally strange to see myself living what would be a normal life if it weren't for the fact that another person was missing from it.
I woke up wondering what my dreams meant. Am I still trying to figure out who I am? Maybe my inner voice is saying I'm too young to be a mom. Or I could be freaking out that I won't be starting a career until a year and a half from now. Maybe my subconscious is driving home the point that next week I'll be in my mid-to-late twenties.
I am totally sleep deprived right now because Timmy thinks 4:30 or 5:30 is an appropriate wake-up time, so maybe it's just my mind's way of saying... "wow, remember the good old days when waking up at 4:30am meant that you had momentarily passed out in a friend's apartment after drinking too much and you had to stumble home to your own place to resume sleeping? Yeah, those were nice."
*Yes, I watch the Today show almost every day. No, I do not fantasize about Matt Lauer. (Brian Williams, on the other hand... I digress).
Anyway, I tend to have crazy, vivid dreams that have no place in reality. For example, a few weeks ago, there were a couple of nights where my dream involved me platform diving off of the Chrysler Building (except it was into the Caribbean where sharks and dolphins awaited me) with Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera.* After diving into the water, I was riding on a catamaran with the other people that I had been diving with... and the driver/tour guide was pointing out alligators; then, all of the sudden, he was wrestling with them.
But my point... I did have one. Oh right. So the past few nights, I was not myself in my dreams. I was my former self. I had a few dreams where I was a nanny in college again. I also had a few where I was inexplicably young and single (but the same age as I am in real life). Not that I was acting single, but it was just weird that my husband wasn't in my dreams with me. I mean, he is ever-present in my life... we do everything together. So it was totally strange to see myself living what would be a normal life if it weren't for the fact that another person was missing from it.
I woke up wondering what my dreams meant. Am I still trying to figure out who I am? Maybe my inner voice is saying I'm too young to be a mom. Or I could be freaking out that I won't be starting a career until a year and a half from now. Maybe my subconscious is driving home the point that next week I'll be in my mid-to-late twenties.
I am totally sleep deprived right now because Timmy thinks 4:30 or 5:30 is an appropriate wake-up time, so maybe it's just my mind's way of saying... "wow, remember the good old days when waking up at 4:30am meant that you had momentarily passed out in a friend's apartment after drinking too much and you had to stumble home to your own place to resume sleeping? Yeah, those were nice."
*Yes, I watch the Today show almost every day. No, I do not fantasize about Matt Lauer. (Brian Williams, on the other hand... I digress).
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I'm Slow and I Can't Follow Directions
So everyone else did this a while ago, but today Timmy was occupied with his swing for a few hours and in a desperate attempt to avoid homework, I did the 25 Random Facts note on Facebook. Here it is:
1. I'm an Aries. I actually think it describes me pretty well, especially the part about being stubborn. But I don't believe in horoscopes. Or fortune cookies. Or anything else that claims to know something about you based on your birthday or lines on your hands.
2. I've lived in Southern California my whole life, except for 5 years when I lived in New York City. I love visiting NYC now, but I hated living there... I think because I must have chlorophyll (I need sunlight to function and be happy).
3. I moved to NYC three weeks before September 11, 2001. It was probably the saddest thing I've ever dealt with and I didn't even know anyone who died personally. For a while I thought the terrorists were following me, because they bombed trains in Madrid about 3 weeks after I moved there in 2004.
4. The closest near-death experience I have had was when I had double pneumonia right before Christmas in 2003. I was in the Emergency room for 4 days, and the doctors told my parents that I might have died if I waited another 12 hours to come in. I've never felt worse in my life than I did then.
5. Studying abroad in Europe was a life-changing experience but I don't really want to live there again. I have a long list of places I want to visit for the first time before I would want to go back to Europe, especially South America and East Asia.
6. Most of my traveling was camping trips growing up. I hated them at the time, but now I am really thankful my dad took us all the places he did. I've visited every major national park west of the Mississippi. My favorite spots are Yellowstone, Mesa Verde, Banff and Jasper (Canada), Redwood Forest, and the Sea of Cortez.
7. Now most of my traveling is to go to weddings and visit PJO's family. Even though we went to school in New York, we've been to weddings in Texas, Pennsylvania, Florida, Minnesota, California and New Mexico.
8. I have always been an overachiever, but when I got to college, I seriously missed the memo that said you actually still had to do work and go to class. I don't regret anything though because I had a GREAT time in college.
9. I'm a terrible roommate. I can't say I have ever had a good experience living with someone in the same room (until PJO of course). The only thing that comes close would be living in the DG house and living in a Ruggles suite senior year (but I'm sure my roommates would say that doesn't count, since I probably spent a total of 20 nights there).
10. I've never lived completely on my own but I don't think I would really like it.
11. I met my husband at a dirty college bar (the West End, obviously) on his birthday. We were both drunk. True love. We didn't start dating until about 10 months later.
12. I would consider PJO my first serious relationship. I didn't want one. That might be the most major thing that has happened to me that I didn't plan. Three years after we started dating, we were married.
13. I think I am a much better person now than before I met PJO. He is also the perfect complement to me. But I don't really believe in soul mates... I think you find someone you can love and who loves you and then you make it work.
14. I thought Columbia would be the last school I went to, but about 2 months of working as a paralegal at a big law firm made me think law school was a good idea. I applied last minute and ended up at law school.
15. I can't imagine living anywhere but LA now. I absolutely love it. The only thing that might make me move is the fact that it's so damn expensive to buy a house here. But I think I could tolerate an apartment for a while longer in order to live in the most beautiful climate anywhere.
16. My philosophy on life is some combination of "everything happens for a reason" and "we make our own fate." I think it's crazy to look back at places in my life where I made big decisions and think about how differently things could be now, but I could not have planned a better life for myself than the one I have now.
17. I was raised Catholic, but I don't believe a lot of what the religion stands for with social issues. I do, however, love the tradition and some of the basic values the Church teaches, so I got married in the Church and plan to raise Timmy the way PJO and I were raised.
18. I have completely changed most of my political views at some point in the past ten years. I like to think that means I'm open minded, but I also know that part of it has to do with the fact that I tend to resist what the majority around me preaches. I was much more conservative at Columbia, and am much more liberal at my conservative law school. Or maybe I'm the same, and I just seem different based on the environment I am in? I'm a registered independent, but I am basically a Libertarian. I think our current political system sucks.
19. I am picky when it comes to my friends. There are only a few that I am every really close to and I almost never fight with them.
20. I used to be friends with many more guys than girls... Girls were usually too emotional and dramatic. Also, I was kind of a tomboy. I played softball for a while, but then I begged my dad to let me play regular baseball and I ended up on my brother's team. I wasn't that good, so then I moved on to other sports. Now I think I'm friends with an even amount of men and women.
21. Every time I try to define my awkward stage, I end up extending it. As it stands now, I was awkward from about 4th grade through most of college.
22. I am a planner and an organizer. I am constantly updating to-do lists, color-coding calendars and thinking about how to make everything work.
23. Having a baby is the only thing so far that has made me slow down and truly appreciate every minute for what it is, and not just look for the next thing coming up.
24. Yes, the baby was planned. (See #22). He appreciates planning too, because he waited until my finals were done before being born on Christmas day. This gave me enough time to recover before starting my last semester of school.
25. Having Timmy made me sure that I want more kids. I have no idea when that will be though, probably not for a while.
26. I absolutely hated being pregnant. Everything about it. This even though I probably had the easiest pregnancy and delivery ever. It was worth it though, and I absolutely would do it again.
27. Having a baby isn't hard for the reasons that I thought it would be. The hard part is not being able to get anything done during the day and doing everything much more slowly than you're used to. (I choose cleaning the apartment or eating over anything related to law school).
28. Being late drives me crazy, whether it's me or someone else who is late. My volleyball coach used to say "early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable." Now I find myself running late to a lot of stuff and I hate it. I can't tell if it's because I live in LA or because I have a baby.
29. I am not really ready to be done with school forever. I love it and I love the flexible schedule that goes along with it.
30. I am very excited to finally start a career though. It seems so much more fulfilling than a job that I know will be temporary.
31. I don't really watch TV. The only shows I consistently watch are the Office and Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't have the time or energy to faithfully follow anything else, but sometimes I wish I knew what everyone was talking about.
32. Same goes for movies... there are A LOT that I have never seen and don't plan on ever watching. Star Wars, Braveheart, and Gladiator are a few.
33. Somehow though, I am totally addicted to the internet. Email, blogs, facebook, I check them all the time.
34. I don't have "favorites" because I like too many things and usually have to mix and match. The kind of ice cream I get or the movie I watch or the entree I order change every time. But when I really like something, I usually refer to it as my favorite, even though I like it no more or less than the next flavor.
35. I am a sucker for everything seasonal and point-of-sale. If you put it near a check-out stand or make it a flavor like Pumpkin or Eggnog, I'll get it. It drives PJO crazy. I keep a little dish on my coffee table filled with holiday themed candy.
36. I am the spender of our marriage. He always wants to save money and it makes him pretty boring to shop with. I think if I had married someone who spent a lot of money, I would have been the saver.
37. I have two cats. I used to be exclusively a cat person, but then I realized dogs are good too, and just because I like dogs doesn't mean I'm admitting that cats aren't as good. Now I really want 2 (or 3) labs, but I have to wait until I have a backyard for them to run around in. It might be a decade before I get dogs...
38. I like to think of myself as an active person, but the truth is I am pretty lazy. I haven't been to the gym in almost 10 months. I would cancel my membership, but I'm pretty sure the second I do, I will feel like working out and then I would feel pretty stupid. When I actually do work out, I feel awesome afterward... somehow this does not motivate me to go to the gym very often.
39. Speaking of fat, I love dessert. The only time in my life that I didn't want to eat it was when I was pregnant.
40. Oddly enough, the only real cravings I had when I was pregnant were beer and wine.
41. I usually buy wine based on how creative or attractive the label is. This might be because I can't really find any correlation between how expensive wine is and how good it tastes, so if I don't know whether a particular bottle is good or not, I at least want to have a fun bottle to look at.
42. I'm totally OCD, and I don't think it's a bad thing. PJO and my friends will tell you that I don't let anyone else wash my dishes, clean my apartment or do my laundry. They mix up the sponges, don't dry things the right way, put pillows in the wrong spot, etc... I would rather do everything myself and have it look just right.
43. I don't cry in real life very often, but I regularly cry during books, movies, and commercials. When I do cry in real life, it's usually about something totally trivial and then I go crazy. I always feel better after a good cry, except for when I cry so much I get a runny nose and can't breath normally.
44. I am really wordy. That is always the number one criticism of my writing. It is also why it took me 44 things to finish a "25 random facts" list.
1. I'm an Aries. I actually think it describes me pretty well, especially the part about being stubborn. But I don't believe in horoscopes. Or fortune cookies. Or anything else that claims to know something about you based on your birthday or lines on your hands.
2. I've lived in Southern California my whole life, except for 5 years when I lived in New York City. I love visiting NYC now, but I hated living there... I think because I must have chlorophyll (I need sunlight to function and be happy).
3. I moved to NYC three weeks before September 11, 2001. It was probably the saddest thing I've ever dealt with and I didn't even know anyone who died personally. For a while I thought the terrorists were following me, because they bombed trains in Madrid about 3 weeks after I moved there in 2004.
4. The closest near-death experience I have had was when I had double pneumonia right before Christmas in 2003. I was in the Emergency room for 4 days, and the doctors told my parents that I might have died if I waited another 12 hours to come in. I've never felt worse in my life than I did then.
5. Studying abroad in Europe was a life-changing experience but I don't really want to live there again. I have a long list of places I want to visit for the first time before I would want to go back to Europe, especially South America and East Asia.
6. Most of my traveling was camping trips growing up. I hated them at the time, but now I am really thankful my dad took us all the places he did. I've visited every major national park west of the Mississippi. My favorite spots are Yellowstone, Mesa Verde, Banff and Jasper (Canada), Redwood Forest, and the Sea of Cortez.
7. Now most of my traveling is to go to weddings and visit PJO's family. Even though we went to school in New York, we've been to weddings in Texas, Pennsylvania, Florida, Minnesota, California and New Mexico.
8. I have always been an overachiever, but when I got to college, I seriously missed the memo that said you actually still had to do work and go to class. I don't regret anything though because I had a GREAT time in college.
9. I'm a terrible roommate. I can't say I have ever had a good experience living with someone in the same room (until PJO of course). The only thing that comes close would be living in the DG house and living in a Ruggles suite senior year (but I'm sure my roommates would say that doesn't count, since I probably spent a total of 20 nights there).
10. I've never lived completely on my own but I don't think I would really like it.
11. I met my husband at a dirty college bar (the West End, obviously) on his birthday. We were both drunk. True love. We didn't start dating until about 10 months later.
12. I would consider PJO my first serious relationship. I didn't want one. That might be the most major thing that has happened to me that I didn't plan. Three years after we started dating, we were married.
13. I think I am a much better person now than before I met PJO. He is also the perfect complement to me. But I don't really believe in soul mates... I think you find someone you can love and who loves you and then you make it work.
14. I thought Columbia would be the last school I went to, but about 2 months of working as a paralegal at a big law firm made me think law school was a good idea. I applied last minute and ended up at law school.
15. I can't imagine living anywhere but LA now. I absolutely love it. The only thing that might make me move is the fact that it's so damn expensive to buy a house here. But I think I could tolerate an apartment for a while longer in order to live in the most beautiful climate anywhere.
16. My philosophy on life is some combination of "everything happens for a reason" and "we make our own fate." I think it's crazy to look back at places in my life where I made big decisions and think about how differently things could be now, but I could not have planned a better life for myself than the one I have now.
17. I was raised Catholic, but I don't believe a lot of what the religion stands for with social issues. I do, however, love the tradition and some of the basic values the Church teaches, so I got married in the Church and plan to raise Timmy the way PJO and I were raised.
18. I have completely changed most of my political views at some point in the past ten years. I like to think that means I'm open minded, but I also know that part of it has to do with the fact that I tend to resist what the majority around me preaches. I was much more conservative at Columbia, and am much more liberal at my conservative law school. Or maybe I'm the same, and I just seem different based on the environment I am in? I'm a registered independent, but I am basically a Libertarian. I think our current political system sucks.
19. I am picky when it comes to my friends. There are only a few that I am every really close to and I almost never fight with them.
20. I used to be friends with many more guys than girls... Girls were usually too emotional and dramatic. Also, I was kind of a tomboy. I played softball for a while, but then I begged my dad to let me play regular baseball and I ended up on my brother's team. I wasn't that good, so then I moved on to other sports. Now I think I'm friends with an even amount of men and women.
21. Every time I try to define my awkward stage, I end up extending it. As it stands now, I was awkward from about 4th grade through most of college.
22. I am a planner and an organizer. I am constantly updating to-do lists, color-coding calendars and thinking about how to make everything work.
23. Having a baby is the only thing so far that has made me slow down and truly appreciate every minute for what it is, and not just look for the next thing coming up.
24. Yes, the baby was planned. (See #22). He appreciates planning too, because he waited until my finals were done before being born on Christmas day. This gave me enough time to recover before starting my last semester of school.
25. Having Timmy made me sure that I want more kids. I have no idea when that will be though, probably not for a while.
26. I absolutely hated being pregnant. Everything about it. This even though I probably had the easiest pregnancy and delivery ever. It was worth it though, and I absolutely would do it again.
27. Having a baby isn't hard for the reasons that I thought it would be. The hard part is not being able to get anything done during the day and doing everything much more slowly than you're used to. (I choose cleaning the apartment or eating over anything related to law school).
28. Being late drives me crazy, whether it's me or someone else who is late. My volleyball coach used to say "early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable." Now I find myself running late to a lot of stuff and I hate it. I can't tell if it's because I live in LA or because I have a baby.
29. I am not really ready to be done with school forever. I love it and I love the flexible schedule that goes along with it.
30. I am very excited to finally start a career though. It seems so much more fulfilling than a job that I know will be temporary.
31. I don't really watch TV. The only shows I consistently watch are the Office and Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't have the time or energy to faithfully follow anything else, but sometimes I wish I knew what everyone was talking about.
32. Same goes for movies... there are A LOT that I have never seen and don't plan on ever watching. Star Wars, Braveheart, and Gladiator are a few.
33. Somehow though, I am totally addicted to the internet. Email, blogs, facebook, I check them all the time.
34. I don't have "favorites" because I like too many things and usually have to mix and match. The kind of ice cream I get or the movie I watch or the entree I order change every time. But when I really like something, I usually refer to it as my favorite, even though I like it no more or less than the next flavor.
35. I am a sucker for everything seasonal and point-of-sale. If you put it near a check-out stand or make it a flavor like Pumpkin or Eggnog, I'll get it. It drives PJO crazy. I keep a little dish on my coffee table filled with holiday themed candy.
36. I am the spender of our marriage. He always wants to save money and it makes him pretty boring to shop with. I think if I had married someone who spent a lot of money, I would have been the saver.
37. I have two cats. I used to be exclusively a cat person, but then I realized dogs are good too, and just because I like dogs doesn't mean I'm admitting that cats aren't as good. Now I really want 2 (or 3) labs, but I have to wait until I have a backyard for them to run around in. It might be a decade before I get dogs...
38. I like to think of myself as an active person, but the truth is I am pretty lazy. I haven't been to the gym in almost 10 months. I would cancel my membership, but I'm pretty sure the second I do, I will feel like working out and then I would feel pretty stupid. When I actually do work out, I feel awesome afterward... somehow this does not motivate me to go to the gym very often.
39. Speaking of fat, I love dessert. The only time in my life that I didn't want to eat it was when I was pregnant.
40. Oddly enough, the only real cravings I had when I was pregnant were beer and wine.
41. I usually buy wine based on how creative or attractive the label is. This might be because I can't really find any correlation between how expensive wine is and how good it tastes, so if I don't know whether a particular bottle is good or not, I at least want to have a fun bottle to look at.
42. I'm totally OCD, and I don't think it's a bad thing. PJO and my friends will tell you that I don't let anyone else wash my dishes, clean my apartment or do my laundry. They mix up the sponges, don't dry things the right way, put pillows in the wrong spot, etc... I would rather do everything myself and have it look just right.
43. I don't cry in real life very often, but I regularly cry during books, movies, and commercials. When I do cry in real life, it's usually about something totally trivial and then I go crazy. I always feel better after a good cry, except for when I cry so much I get a runny nose and can't breath normally.
44. I am really wordy. That is always the number one criticism of my writing. It is also why it took me 44 things to finish a "25 random facts" list.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Lessons for a new parent
After finishing my first week of being a mother and a law student, I can say that some things are easier than I expected, and some things are harder. Leaving him with my mom to go to school, concentrating on school while I am there, dropping pregnancy weight and resuming my "normal" life so soon after having a baby were all surprisingly easy. The hard part?
Having to be awake and productive at a set time of the day. I used to wake up every day at 6am, so classes starting at 8:40am didn't seem bad at all. But it IS when you can't control what time you go to sleep (if you do), and when your baby will be hungry (probably RIGHT before you need to walk out the door). I have slept in until 11am a few days and felt exhausted because I still only got about 6 or 7 hours of sleep total.
Not being able to nurse or pump while I'm gone, and making a conscious effort to not touch my boobs constantly in class to make sure that I'm not leaking through to my shirt.
Learning to relax. Honestly. The hardest part of becoming a mother in general, besides the physical exhaustion from lack of sleep, is forcing yourself to let go of your mental to-do list. I thrived on making lists, on crossing things off of them and making new lists. One of my favorite January purchases is always a planner. But now, if I even have time to write something down on that list, I definitely don't have time to do it. It sends me into a panic when I think of how quickly that list is growing. Some things are really not important, like writing thank you notes and ordering birth announcements. School work and starting my moral character application seem important, but I know that if I don't get to it this week, I can catch up at some point. Responding to emails from friends and family or uploading pictures to send out would be nice, but it won't come before sleep. Laundry and cleaning drive me crazy when they're not done, and I usually get that done in my few minutes of free time, but even that has started to get out of control.
The other day, I found myself staring at a crying Timmy and trying to wish him to sleep. Not because I couldn't stand his cries or because I knew he needed it, but because I really wanted to get some chores done. And then it hit me: I'm not letting myself just enjoy my time with my new baby, I'm trying to squeeze it in to my life along with so many less important things! Don't get me wrong, it would be great if newborns slept 10 hours straight in a night so that you could play with them all day, get stuff done AND sleep. But obviously that's not how it works. And I do know that I have to take care of myself too. I sometimes act like I will never burn out and that I have a higher stress tolerance than other people, but I just don't. Since I didn't make a new years resolution, I'm resolving now to do less. Take care of my baby, my husband and myself. And sleep when I can. I have the rest of my life to get "stuff" done, but I only have newborn time with my first child once, so I don't want to look back someday and wonder why I read for class instead of snuggling with him.
Of course, that isn't to say I don't fully appreciate the value of the swing:
Having to be awake and productive at a set time of the day. I used to wake up every day at 6am, so classes starting at 8:40am didn't seem bad at all. But it IS when you can't control what time you go to sleep (if you do), and when your baby will be hungry (probably RIGHT before you need to walk out the door). I have slept in until 11am a few days and felt exhausted because I still only got about 6 or 7 hours of sleep total.
Not being able to nurse or pump while I'm gone, and making a conscious effort to not touch my boobs constantly in class to make sure that I'm not leaking through to my shirt.
Learning to relax. Honestly. The hardest part of becoming a mother in general, besides the physical exhaustion from lack of sleep, is forcing yourself to let go of your mental to-do list. I thrived on making lists, on crossing things off of them and making new lists. One of my favorite January purchases is always a planner. But now, if I even have time to write something down on that list, I definitely don't have time to do it. It sends me into a panic when I think of how quickly that list is growing. Some things are really not important, like writing thank you notes and ordering birth announcements. School work and starting my moral character application seem important, but I know that if I don't get to it this week, I can catch up at some point. Responding to emails from friends and family or uploading pictures to send out would be nice, but it won't come before sleep. Laundry and cleaning drive me crazy when they're not done, and I usually get that done in my few minutes of free time, but even that has started to get out of control.
The other day, I found myself staring at a crying Timmy and trying to wish him to sleep. Not because I couldn't stand his cries or because I knew he needed it, but because I really wanted to get some chores done. And then it hit me: I'm not letting myself just enjoy my time with my new baby, I'm trying to squeeze it in to my life along with so many less important things! Don't get me wrong, it would be great if newborns slept 10 hours straight in a night so that you could play with them all day, get stuff done AND sleep. But obviously that's not how it works. And I do know that I have to take care of myself too. I sometimes act like I will never burn out and that I have a higher stress tolerance than other people, but I just don't. Since I didn't make a new years resolution, I'm resolving now to do less. Take care of my baby, my husband and myself. And sleep when I can. I have the rest of my life to get "stuff" done, but I only have newborn time with my first child once, so I don't want to look back someday and wonder why I read for class instead of snuggling with him.
Of course, that isn't to say I don't fully appreciate the value of the swing:
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Gender Roles
Sometimes, I listen to Dr. Laura's radio show if I'm in my car during the middle of the day. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but part of me loves it. I definitely don't agree with everything she says or stands for, but I do love the matter-of-fact way that she tells people what to do and why she's right. I also love getting a glimpse into other people's lives and hearing how they're going to deal with their problems.
Anyway, the other day she read this poem about children needing their mothers:
The Children unguided
From being left alone
Mom is at work
She's never at home -
Mom buys them Nikes
Gives dollars and dimes
When all they really want
Is a little of her time -
It all starts with daycare
The "MOM" can't really cope
Her career's more glamorous
She drops them off with hope -
Hoping that they will surely
Learn Love, Trust & Life
From a "beautiful teacher" who's
Not even Daddy's wife -
Daycare behind them
They start public school
No music, No art,
But a long list of rules -
She never comes to visit
Her office is "too far away"
And when she gets home
She's too tired to play -
No time for shopping
For food she can make
She turns on the TV
(they wish Mom would bake) -
No time to ask questions
The telephone has her ear
Her girlfriend's conversation
Has better stuff to hear -
Bedtime is lonely
Mom's busy as a bee
"Night, night" she calls
As she types another key -
No time for bedtime stories
No prayers to be said
They lay there kinda lonely
Alone in their bed -
Lonely turns to bitter
And bitter has no end
Being unimportant is
Too big a hole to mend -
Cooking for your family
Is proof of love alive
Listening to your children
Can help them to arrive -
To now, the present moment
It's all your kids have got
Don't make them keep your schedule
Be there to hug them a lot -
A child can give you EVERYTHING
If you can just sit still
Quit your job, raise your child
STAY HOME, Moms, if you will!
It made me want to vomit. Whenever people disrespect or belittle a mother's choice to work in such a blunt way, I think it's ignorant. There are clearly benefits to both staying-at-home and to working, for both moms and their families.
Dr. Laura basically advocates that all mothers stay at home with their kids, and basically be the perfect, supportive and domesticated wife/girlfriend to their husbands. Obviously, this is not something I will be doing if my career plans come to fruition. But to be honest, I can't really decide whether I agree with her premise. I don't think the issue is black and white like she paints it to be, but I do wonder if hers is one recipe for happiness.
There is something really simple and sweet about a family where the man works, and the woman stays home and raises the kids. I didn't grow up with this at all, so it's not like I have an impression that this is the "right" way to do it. But I do think that in this sort of family structure, everyone is interdependent... the woman and the man need each other to do what they do in order to survive, and the kids need their parents just like the parents need their kids. With a strong foundation of love and respect, I think this could make for a really strong family unit.
But part of me thinks that these gender roles in a marriage or a family are not necessary or even optimal to producing a great family. I think there is inevitable classification by importance of the husband and wife (and subsequent subjugation of the wife)in the "traditional" family... while no one doubts that the mother performs a really important job by raising children, she is kind of secluded from society and her job at its most basic level requires no education or independent thought to get by day-to-day (NOT that I think SAHMs have no independent thought or education!!!). The man, on the other hand, interacts with adults, has a career, and provides the sole means by which his family is sustained financially. There is something beautiful and right (in my view) about a husband and wife who are really equal partners in life... who share the tasks that a family needs to do in order to thrive... they both work and bring in income, they both clean and cook, they both raise children, and they both shower one another with love and affection.
Obviously I have sort of made my decision about how I want my family to be, even if it is by default. I chose to go to law school and chose to have a career, so Dr. Laura's version of family life wouldn't be an option for me (at least for now) even if I wanted it. This doesn't mean that I am completely, 100% convinced that the way my family will be structured will be perfect, or even the best way for me and PJO and our child(ren). I mean, I love cooking and cleaning and being with kids, so I would probably enjoy the things I would do if I were a stay at home mom. But I also think I would go crazy if that were ALL I ever did. Because I also love analyzing legal issues, dressing up for work and having adult conversation, bringing home a paycheck that pays our bills and lets us enjoy some luxuries, and most of all, I love being able to earn people's respect for who I am. A big part of who I am is a person who is proud of what she has learned and her ability to use that to help other people do their job better.
I wouldn't doubt at all my decision to have a career as a lawyer if PJO and I never had kids. But obviously I want to make sure that my children are given everything that PJO and I can give them. In the back of mind, I will probably always wonder if I am doing them a favor or a disservice by working and not being home with them.
I think I am just as conflicted when it comes to gender roles outside of the family context. I have always been somewhat of a tomboy... I was an athlete through my first year of college and usually more of my friends are male. At the same time, I was in a sorority and love chick-flicks and shopping. Part of me loves being taken care of by my husband and having doors held open for me, wine poured for me first and having my bags carried when I travel. But it's only a part. Nothing pisses me off more than people assuming I need this treatment. Whether it's because I'm a woman, or because I'm pregnant. Nothing makes me happier than being self-sufficient, independent and capable of doing whatever needs to be done.
I think my husband is the perfect mix of stereotypical man and modern man. He is the guy who feels fulfilled by providing for me and protecting me. He spends his weekends watching football. He likes drinking beer and playing video games with his friends. His hobbies mostly consist of playing sports. He likes action movies. He hates shopping and doesn't really care about fashion at all. Basically, he's still a guy in the words of Brad Paisley.
But he also cooks, and cleans, and cuddles with me and with our cats. He supports everything I do and dream of, even though it means that I will have a really demanding career ... and kids... and him ... and maybe that makes things harder for him than if I stayed at home. He "treats me like a lady" but he also treats me with respect as an equal.
I'm sure Dr. Laura thinks I'm a radical feminist who is pursuing her own selfish interests. I'm equally sure that some women reading this will roll their eyes and think that I am setting women back in time by finding anything redeeming about traditional gender roles.
I'm just being honest in admitting that I'm not really sure if either side is "right" and I kind of like that. So far, this approach has allowed me to have everything I want and I see nothing wrong with that.
Anyway, the other day she read this poem about children needing their mothers:
The Children unguided
From being left alone
Mom is at work
She's never at home -
Mom buys them Nikes
Gives dollars and dimes
When all they really want
Is a little of her time -
It all starts with daycare
The "MOM" can't really cope
Her career's more glamorous
She drops them off with hope -
Hoping that they will surely
Learn Love, Trust & Life
From a "beautiful teacher" who's
Not even Daddy's wife -
Daycare behind them
They start public school
No music, No art,
But a long list of rules -
She never comes to visit
Her office is "too far away"
And when she gets home
She's too tired to play -
No time for shopping
For food she can make
She turns on the TV
(they wish Mom would bake) -
No time to ask questions
The telephone has her ear
Her girlfriend's conversation
Has better stuff to hear -
Bedtime is lonely
Mom's busy as a bee
"Night, night" she calls
As she types another key -
No time for bedtime stories
No prayers to be said
They lay there kinda lonely
Alone in their bed -
Lonely turns to bitter
And bitter has no end
Being unimportant is
Too big a hole to mend -
Cooking for your family
Is proof of love alive
Listening to your children
Can help them to arrive -
To now, the present moment
It's all your kids have got
Don't make them keep your schedule
Be there to hug them a lot -
A child can give you EVERYTHING
If you can just sit still
Quit your job, raise your child
STAY HOME, Moms, if you will!
It made me want to vomit. Whenever people disrespect or belittle a mother's choice to work in such a blunt way, I think it's ignorant. There are clearly benefits to both staying-at-home and to working, for both moms and their families.
Dr. Laura basically advocates that all mothers stay at home with their kids, and basically be the perfect, supportive and domesticated wife/girlfriend to their husbands. Obviously, this is not something I will be doing if my career plans come to fruition. But to be honest, I can't really decide whether I agree with her premise. I don't think the issue is black and white like she paints it to be, but I do wonder if hers is one recipe for happiness.
There is something really simple and sweet about a family where the man works, and the woman stays home and raises the kids. I didn't grow up with this at all, so it's not like I have an impression that this is the "right" way to do it. But I do think that in this sort of family structure, everyone is interdependent... the woman and the man need each other to do what they do in order to survive, and the kids need their parents just like the parents need their kids. With a strong foundation of love and respect, I think this could make for a really strong family unit.
But part of me thinks that these gender roles in a marriage or a family are not necessary or even optimal to producing a great family. I think there is inevitable classification by importance of the husband and wife (and subsequent subjugation of the wife)in the "traditional" family... while no one doubts that the mother performs a really important job by raising children, she is kind of secluded from society and her job at its most basic level requires no education or independent thought to get by day-to-day (NOT that I think SAHMs have no independent thought or education!!!). The man, on the other hand, interacts with adults, has a career, and provides the sole means by which his family is sustained financially. There is something beautiful and right (in my view) about a husband and wife who are really equal partners in life... who share the tasks that a family needs to do in order to thrive... they both work and bring in income, they both clean and cook, they both raise children, and they both shower one another with love and affection.
Obviously I have sort of made my decision about how I want my family to be, even if it is by default. I chose to go to law school and chose to have a career, so Dr. Laura's version of family life wouldn't be an option for me (at least for now) even if I wanted it. This doesn't mean that I am completely, 100% convinced that the way my family will be structured will be perfect, or even the best way for me and PJO and our child(ren). I mean, I love cooking and cleaning and being with kids, so I would probably enjoy the things I would do if I were a stay at home mom. But I also think I would go crazy if that were ALL I ever did. Because I also love analyzing legal issues, dressing up for work and having adult conversation, bringing home a paycheck that pays our bills and lets us enjoy some luxuries, and most of all, I love being able to earn people's respect for who I am. A big part of who I am is a person who is proud of what she has learned and her ability to use that to help other people do their job better.
I wouldn't doubt at all my decision to have a career as a lawyer if PJO and I never had kids. But obviously I want to make sure that my children are given everything that PJO and I can give them. In the back of mind, I will probably always wonder if I am doing them a favor or a disservice by working and not being home with them.
I think I am just as conflicted when it comes to gender roles outside of the family context. I have always been somewhat of a tomboy... I was an athlete through my first year of college and usually more of my friends are male. At the same time, I was in a sorority and love chick-flicks and shopping. Part of me loves being taken care of by my husband and having doors held open for me, wine poured for me first and having my bags carried when I travel. But it's only a part. Nothing pisses me off more than people assuming I need this treatment. Whether it's because I'm a woman, or because I'm pregnant. Nothing makes me happier than being self-sufficient, independent and capable of doing whatever needs to be done.
I think my husband is the perfect mix of stereotypical man and modern man. He is the guy who feels fulfilled by providing for me and protecting me. He spends his weekends watching football. He likes drinking beer and playing video games with his friends. His hobbies mostly consist of playing sports. He likes action movies. He hates shopping and doesn't really care about fashion at all. Basically, he's still a guy in the words of Brad Paisley.
But he also cooks, and cleans, and cuddles with me and with our cats. He supports everything I do and dream of, even though it means that I will have a really demanding career ... and kids... and him ... and maybe that makes things harder for him than if I stayed at home. He "treats me like a lady" but he also treats me with respect as an equal.
I'm sure Dr. Laura thinks I'm a radical feminist who is pursuing her own selfish interests. I'm equally sure that some women reading this will roll their eyes and think that I am setting women back in time by finding anything redeeming about traditional gender roles.
I'm just being honest in admitting that I'm not really sure if either side is "right" and I kind of like that. So far, this approach has allowed me to have everything I want and I see nothing wrong with that.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Intelligence and Humor
Is there a necessary connection? I hope not.
Three things that made me laugh out loud this week ... and every week:
LOL Cats
Family Guy (and South Park)
Jackass (really, most episodes, but this time it was the movie)
If this reflects on my intelligence ... eek.
Three things that made me laugh out loud this week ... and every week:
LOL Cats
Family Guy (and South Park)
Jackass (really, most episodes, but this time it was the movie)
If this reflects on my intelligence ... eek.
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