My Legacy

This may be a little bit late to the game, but I finally read The Last Lecture. I originally bought it for PJO before one of his long flights to London because I knew it was written by a Computer Science professor and was a top seller. PJO thought it was a good book and it even made him teary eyed on the plane, so I knew I should read it one day. It did not disappoint.

In case you're unfamiliar, the book is basically Randy Pausch's way of saying goodbye and telling us what he has learned in life before succumbing to pancreatic cancer. He gave his "last lecture" to a packed auditorium at Carnegie Mellon on how to achieve your childhood dreams, and in doing so, divulged his secrets for leading a happy life. It may not be the most eloquently written, literary masterpiece out there, but it is an honest and thought provoking account of some of life's most important lessons.

When you hear about the circumstances in which he wrote this, you can't help but choke back tears. He was given a few months to live and say goodbye to his wife and three young children.

"There are so many things I want to tell my children, and right now, they're too young to understand. Dylan just turned six. Logan is three. Chloe is eighteen months old. I want the kids to know who I am, what I've always believed in, and all the ways in which I've come to love them. Given their ages, so much of this would be over their heads. I wish the kids could understand how desperately I don't want to leave them....It pains me to think that when they're older, they won't have a father. When I cry in the shower, I'm not usually thinking, 'I won't get to see them do this' or 'I won't get to see them do that.' I'm thinking about the kids not having a father."

Luckily for his kids, they will have ways to get a glimpse of what their dad was like, even if he isn't alive. They can read the book, they can watch videos, they can ask their mom to tell stories. And luckily, they will be proud of who he was. They will be glad to find out that he was truly happy and left with no regrets about how he lived his life. They will feel loved when they find out that he was madly in love with them and their mom.

This is what he had to say about his youngest, who was older than Timmy is now:
"I'm aware that Chloe may have no memory of me at all. She's too young. But I want her to grow up knowing that I was the first man ever to fall in love with her. I'd always thought the father/daughter thing was overstated. But I can tell you, it's real. Sometimes, she looks at me and I just become a puddle."

Wow.

So I think it's natural to wonder as you read this what legacy you would be leaving behind if you died today. I'm sure that's part of his reason for writing this book; giving his audience reason to pause and self-reflect. Maybe someone out there will think, "Hey, if I die tomorrow, I should really live it up today and tell the people I love what they mean to me and hope that they will remember me as a good person."

I've thought about this before. Although my Grandma's funeral last fall was the first funeral I've ever been to, it was the third funeral in my mom's immediate family. She told me how each one was different from the other; my Grandpa died when I was 3 after battling Leukemia for 15 years. While it was sad, my whole family had been glad to see him at peace after suffering for so long. In quite a different situation, my Aunt died completely unexpectedly when she was only 36. She passed away in her sleep (we think from a blood clot in her brain), leaving behind 4 kids, including a 9 day old daughter. There was nothing that could mitigate the unimaginable tragedy. I am told the funeral was a horrific scene. Finally, my Grandma died unexpectedly but after having lived a full, happy life. There were mixed emotions at the funeral: grief at her passing but celebration of the joy in her life.

My Aunt, Grandma and Grandpa all leave behind a legacy that they would be proud of. They had varying lengths of time to form the memories others had of them before they left. I'm not sure if they were abnormally good people or if time renders all memories of a deceased family member positive and glowing. I just know that I want to be remembered as half as good of a person as any of them. I want PJO to know when I'm gone that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I want my parents to know that I think I lucked out by being born to them and that I hope I can emulate lessons from them in raising my own family. I want Timmy to know that if he grows up to be a happy man, then I will consider my life a success. There is so much more than that, but I can't put it into words. I hope people will one day remember me as someone they wanted in their life, however I fit into it; that I made them happier and more fulfilled by being there. The challenge is to live each day like that is the goal, and keep it in mind even when it seems like I have all the time in the world left to live.