When there is nothing urgent to do at the office, or when I don't have a full day of work ahead of me, I sometimes linger around my apartment in the morning with Timmy. He's been so much fun lately and he's always in his best moods right when he wakes up. So today we snuggled a little bit, ate waffles together and sang silly songs that he makes up while getting dressed. We left the apartment at 7:40am and I dropped him off at daycare on the way to work.
Every morning he takes off running the minute we enter the building, racing to give his teacher a hug and kiss. He talks about his teachers and the hugs and kisses he is going to give them all weekend and then takes it very seriously Monday-Friday. After completing his affection duty, he happily says goodbye to me, gives me a wet kiss and says "I love you, Mom."
How can the day not be good when it starts that way?
I left his daycare at 7:55am. Sat in traffic almost the entire way to work. Pulled into my parking spot at 8:50. Looked on the floor in front of the passenger seat and realized my work laptop wasn't there. Oh shit, realized that I had left it in a hidden corner of the living room, which is why PJO hadn't seen it and taken it to my car like he usually does in the mornings. Gave up on the day. Put my key right back in the ignition and drove home. Pulled into my garage at 9:30. Promptly changed into shorts and a t-shirt and mentally prepared to work from my bed all day. Lamented the fact that I could have easily skipped the 1 hour of getting ready and the near-2 hours of driving and been in the same spot as I was now in.
But what can you do?
Our landlord emailed us last weekend informing us that he is raising the rent. I wanted to respond that we're great tenants, he should just be glad to have us because we take care of his place, we pay on time every single month, no one complains about us and we fix things that need repair without bothering him. I wanted to say, screw you, we're moving out and you can deal with finding a new tenant and eat those months of your mortgage while you have an empty apartment. But the truth is, we can't move. We won't know until the end of the year if we're even staying in LA or moving to the 'burbs (if my firm ever lets me transfer) and we're not going to move only to potentially have to move again in 6 months. And the truth is, even with the rent increase, we probably still pay below-market for LA and it would be pretty damn difficult to find a cheaper option. Plus, really, we need more space and just can't justify spending X% more on rent until we absolutely have to. So we sucked it up, agreed to pay the additional monthly rent and asked him to fix a few annoying things in the apartment since we knew he'd do it right now.
What can you do?
Showing posts with label Los Angeles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Los Angeles. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Put today in the Win column
I've been at my job for 4 weeks, and in that time I've had moments that are exciting, moments that are frustrating and moments that make me wonder how I'm doing and how this is all going to work out. Today it felt like everything just clicked and fell into place. For one day at least, I am not just pretending to be an attorney, I am one.
As for most people living in LA, the morning commute set the tone for the rest of the day. Since it was Veteran's day, the freeway was empty. I flew down the 10 at 80 mph instead of the normal 15.
After enjoying coffee at my desk while checking my email, I got my first "from the beginning" assignment. Up until now, any real work I've had has just been little tasks broken off from something mid-stream. It's hard to get an idea of what's going on when everyone you work with has been on the deal for weeks or months. But now I am on a bankruptcy matter, working on something new and important. I sat in meetings today with all the partners discussing strategy and we talked about what we needed to research and how to present that in a brief. Something about starting at the beginning makes this project seem more real. Maybe because it's more like a law school exam: presenting all the facts, then the issues, leaving the problem solving for the task at hand. Maybe because I feel like part of a team and not just a name that is added to a huge working group list at the end when no one is even paying attention anymore.
I'm not sure if I really like bankruptcy or if I just like the fact that I understand the basic terms and concepts already, but it's nice to be excited about the actual work I'm doing. I'm amazed at how much I remember from being a bankruptcy paralegal (already 5 years ago) and my class in law school. I went into this job thinking I wanted to do transactional tax work but it's been nearly impossible to get anything to do. (Apparently tons of people in my class want to do tax, and several spent their deferral year getting an LLM in tax). I'm interested in corporate but I've almost completely written that off because it is known to be the practice area with the worst lifestyle in terms of crazy hours on nights and weekends. So far, I've been doing some bank finance (which people claim has slightly better work-life balance than corporate) and now insolvency. I plan on trying as many different practice areas as possible before I have to declare a department in two years.
The good news is, there is very little pressure right now. Our hours don't count as stubs, so I don't have to worry about pace or filling my plate with work until January. The goal for the rest of 2010 is to meet people and have work lined up so that we can be busy January 1st. That makes it nice for a brand new baby lawyer like me because I can take my time and learn how to do the work and balance everything without being super stressed by all that I have to figure out. I really like the people at my office, I think the quality of work is good and I'm feeling super blessed to have this job right now.
Plus, I got home tonight and spent a blissful two hours with my guys. Timmy danced, hugged, giggled and moon walked (his new obsession) all over the place and I couldn't have been happier.
As for most people living in LA, the morning commute set the tone for the rest of the day. Since it was Veteran's day, the freeway was empty. I flew down the 10 at 80 mph instead of the normal 15.
After enjoying coffee at my desk while checking my email, I got my first "from the beginning" assignment. Up until now, any real work I've had has just been little tasks broken off from something mid-stream. It's hard to get an idea of what's going on when everyone you work with has been on the deal for weeks or months. But now I am on a bankruptcy matter, working on something new and important. I sat in meetings today with all the partners discussing strategy and we talked about what we needed to research and how to present that in a brief. Something about starting at the beginning makes this project seem more real. Maybe because it's more like a law school exam: presenting all the facts, then the issues, leaving the problem solving for the task at hand. Maybe because I feel like part of a team and not just a name that is added to a huge working group list at the end when no one is even paying attention anymore.
I'm not sure if I really like bankruptcy or if I just like the fact that I understand the basic terms and concepts already, but it's nice to be excited about the actual work I'm doing. I'm amazed at how much I remember from being a bankruptcy paralegal (already 5 years ago) and my class in law school. I went into this job thinking I wanted to do transactional tax work but it's been nearly impossible to get anything to do. (Apparently tons of people in my class want to do tax, and several spent their deferral year getting an LLM in tax). I'm interested in corporate but I've almost completely written that off because it is known to be the practice area with the worst lifestyle in terms of crazy hours on nights and weekends. So far, I've been doing some bank finance (which people claim has slightly better work-life balance than corporate) and now insolvency. I plan on trying as many different practice areas as possible before I have to declare a department in two years.
The good news is, there is very little pressure right now. Our hours don't count as stubs, so I don't have to worry about pace or filling my plate with work until January. The goal for the rest of 2010 is to meet people and have work lined up so that we can be busy January 1st. That makes it nice for a brand new baby lawyer like me because I can take my time and learn how to do the work and balance everything without being super stressed by all that I have to figure out. I really like the people at my office, I think the quality of work is good and I'm feeling super blessed to have this job right now.
Plus, I got home tonight and spent a blissful two hours with my guys. Timmy danced, hugged, giggled and moon walked (his new obsession) all over the place and I couldn't have been happier.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Overheard in New York Seen in Los Angeles
As I was writing recently that two hours of my day are lost to my commute, I started wondering if there is anything I can do while I drive to and from the office. I usually listen to NPR and that gives me my current event awareness that I would otherwise completely lack, but sometimes that gets boring after 45 minutes or so. I've thought about books on tape but haven't tried that yet. I also usually call my mom once a day. But what else is there? Today I spied on looked around at other drivers sharing the road with me, and my mind was instantly filled with possibilities. I saw drivers:
* Texting/emailing on their phones or blackberries
* Applying make-up
* Eating breakfast and drinking coffee
* Reading the newspaper (spread out over the steering wheel)
* Marking up a huge stack of paper with a pen
* Turning around to face their kids in the backseat to have a conversation
* Dancing
* Flossing their teeth
* Picking their nose
This was all this morning. I myself was admiring the clear, pretty air and the gorgeous view of the morning sun shining down on the Hollywood hills. Mind you, all these drivers were on the freeway, but when you are only going between 10 and 30 MPH the whole time, it apparently becomes easy to multi-task. I wonder why people think LA drivers are so terrible?
* Texting/emailing on their phones or blackberries
* Applying make-up
* Eating breakfast and drinking coffee
* Reading the newspaper (spread out over the steering wheel)
* Marking up a huge stack of paper with a pen
* Turning around to face their kids in the backseat to have a conversation
* Dancing
* Flossing their teeth
* Picking their nose
This was all this morning. I myself was admiring the clear, pretty air and the gorgeous view of the morning sun shining down on the Hollywood hills. Mind you, all these drivers were on the freeway, but when you are only going between 10 and 30 MPH the whole time, it apparently becomes easy to multi-task. I wonder why people think LA drivers are so terrible?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Juggle
It begins. I knew that I should enjoy the first few days of my job where I didn't have a blackberry or work to do because it meant that I could go home ridiculously early and enjoy the entire night with PJO and Timmy. I did enjoy them, but I didn't realize how quickly I would be missing that freedom.
Around 4:30pm on Monday, I realized that I had a lot of work that needed to be done by the end of the night. Around the same time, PJO was pulled in to put out some sort of fire in his office too. (That rarely happens; he is home by 6:30 or 7 almost every day, even with his hour long commute). I could have asked the babysitter to stay late, but I decided that should wait for the days where there really is no alternative. So I left the office around 6:30 and magically navigated my way through LA rush hour traffic in 30 minutes, so I was home by 7 to let the babysitter go home. She had fed and bathed Timmy, so I spent 20 minutes or so reading and cuddling with him. As soon as I put him to bed, I started working and managed to finish everything by 12:30.
Last night I was able to leave the office pretty early, so I treated myself to a visit with one of my best friends and ended up staying at her place for wine and dinner. I knew I should have gone to bed earlier, but I was having fun... Until I realized upon coming home that Timmy was sleeping in our bed. That usually means he's been crying in his room for a while. He cried for a bit when I climbed in to bed next to him (though he wasn't awake, so he couldn't really be comforted). Finally, we all fell asleep somewhere around midnight. So now it's Wednesday and I am once again waiting to send in a revised document to the partner (after my computer ate an hour and a half of work). I am so tired from this week that I keep having to remind myself that it's not in fact Friday. I know I will be much busier and much more tired at various points over the next few years, but this is the first time in a long time that my tiredness has to do with something besides a baby and it's hard to ramp up again.
I have been pleasantly surprised so far that I still feel like I am getting enough quality time with Timmy, even on days where it is in fact only about an hour. The minute I walked in the door Monday night, he ran to me, flung his arms around my neck and didn't let go. He was happy and cuddly; I didn't have to fight with him over eating dinner or starting the bedtime routine. I just enjoyed him and held him and that was better than being with him, but not present, for 8 hours.
I am also a little surprised that I don't really think about him too much while I'm at the office. I am so excited to be at work, trying to meet people and scrounge up work and figure out how the hell to be a lawyer that it rarely enters my mind to think about him. I know he is safe and happy at daycare, and that's enough for me to move on to other things in my day.
It's going to be a struggle to find any true sense of balance in our lives for a while. PJO and I both spend 2 hours a day driving to and from work. Those commutes won't improve until one of us switches jobs, so we just have to fit work, sleep and family time into 22 hours instead of 24. There really aren't enough hours in a 24-hour day for everything to be in perfect balance, but hopefully it is a better picture over the course of a week or a month. I guess that's why they call it a juggle rather than just accepting that you'll always be deficient in one or all areas in your life.
Around 4:30pm on Monday, I realized that I had a lot of work that needed to be done by the end of the night. Around the same time, PJO was pulled in to put out some sort of fire in his office too. (That rarely happens; he is home by 6:30 or 7 almost every day, even with his hour long commute). I could have asked the babysitter to stay late, but I decided that should wait for the days where there really is no alternative. So I left the office around 6:30 and magically navigated my way through LA rush hour traffic in 30 minutes, so I was home by 7 to let the babysitter go home. She had fed and bathed Timmy, so I spent 20 minutes or so reading and cuddling with him. As soon as I put him to bed, I started working and managed to finish everything by 12:30.
Last night I was able to leave the office pretty early, so I treated myself to a visit with one of my best friends and ended up staying at her place for wine and dinner. I knew I should have gone to bed earlier, but I was having fun... Until I realized upon coming home that Timmy was sleeping in our bed. That usually means he's been crying in his room for a while. He cried for a bit when I climbed in to bed next to him (though he wasn't awake, so he couldn't really be comforted). Finally, we all fell asleep somewhere around midnight. So now it's Wednesday and I am once again waiting to send in a revised document to the partner (after my computer ate an hour and a half of work). I am so tired from this week that I keep having to remind myself that it's not in fact Friday. I know I will be much busier and much more tired at various points over the next few years, but this is the first time in a long time that my tiredness has to do with something besides a baby and it's hard to ramp up again.
I have been pleasantly surprised so far that I still feel like I am getting enough quality time with Timmy, even on days where it is in fact only about an hour. The minute I walked in the door Monday night, he ran to me, flung his arms around my neck and didn't let go. He was happy and cuddly; I didn't have to fight with him over eating dinner or starting the bedtime routine. I just enjoyed him and held him and that was better than being with him, but not present, for 8 hours.
I am also a little surprised that I don't really think about him too much while I'm at the office. I am so excited to be at work, trying to meet people and scrounge up work and figure out how the hell to be a lawyer that it rarely enters my mind to think about him. I know he is safe and happy at daycare, and that's enough for me to move on to other things in my day.
It's going to be a struggle to find any true sense of balance in our lives for a while. PJO and I both spend 2 hours a day driving to and from work. Those commutes won't improve until one of us switches jobs, so we just have to fit work, sleep and family time into 22 hours instead of 24. There really aren't enough hours in a 24-hour day for everything to be in perfect balance, but hopefully it is a better picture over the course of a week or a month. I guess that's why they call it a juggle rather than just accepting that you'll always be deficient in one or all areas in your life.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
The Boy Who Cried Wolf
You know that story? Where the boy keeps saying "WOLF!!!" and at first people care and stuff, but then eventually they stop because he was always full of shit and then when there is really NO ONE who gives a f*ck anymore, a WOLF appears out of nowhere. That kid probably died a gruesome death, and absent that part, I sort of feel like the boy who cried wolf. I'm the girl who cried "move."
The move to suburbia has been momentarily/temporarily/maybe permanently(?) tabled. Once we realized it would be a very poor financial decision for us to buy a starter home, the allure was greatly diminished. We stepped back and asked why were moving to rent a place that we would most likely move out of in a year and would result in a 3 1/2 hour daily commute for me. Timmy is not in school yet, so things like great schools and lots of families just don't matter as much right now as they will in a few years. It would be nice to be closer to family, but they're only an hour away.
PJO still likes the resume builder and experience that his job provides, so he is going to keep doing his commute for as long as he can. It's not pleasant, but it's not terrible either (at least not by LA standards). My commute will be 30-45 minutes each way, much more doable given my unpredictable hours.
There is also the fact that I wasn't feeling quite ready to leave this place. I've started building some great friendships here and have really grown to love the mom's group in my neighborhood. We recently set up a babysitting swap, which is pretty much the best thing I've ever thought of. How long would it take me to make new friends that I trust enough to get free babysitting out of the deal?! (mostly joking). I didn't feel ready to leave behind my favorite farmers' markets and restaurants or find new doctors and grocery stores.
The plan now is to send Timmy to a daycare close by (the first one I ever toured and loved), then have a babysitter who will pick him up and bring him home most days. Hopefully one or both of us can make it home by 7 to give him dinner and a bath and put him to bed. If and when my firm decides to transfer me to the office in suburbia, we'll decide whether to make the big move or do something else.
The way things have been going, this could all change in a month. But I'm excited about this for a few reasons: 1) I don't have to pack and move this summer. 2) I don't have to worry about taking the train to work/being stranded in downtown LA after a late night or being too far away from Timmy to get to him in an emergency. 3) I can finally finish decorating our apartment now that I know we'll be here for at least a little bit longer to enjoy it. I had a blissful day Wednesday throwing out old stuff, organizing things to put in storage and containing Timmy's little toys in cubicle bins so I won't keep tripping on matchbox cars everywhere.
To quote one of my favorite commercials: "Things are looking up!"
The move to suburbia has been momentarily/temporarily/maybe permanently(?) tabled. Once we realized it would be a very poor financial decision for us to buy a starter home, the allure was greatly diminished. We stepped back and asked why were moving to rent a place that we would most likely move out of in a year and would result in a 3 1/2 hour daily commute for me. Timmy is not in school yet, so things like great schools and lots of families just don't matter as much right now as they will in a few years. It would be nice to be closer to family, but they're only an hour away.
PJO still likes the resume builder and experience that his job provides, so he is going to keep doing his commute for as long as he can. It's not pleasant, but it's not terrible either (at least not by LA standards). My commute will be 30-45 minutes each way, much more doable given my unpredictable hours.
There is also the fact that I wasn't feeling quite ready to leave this place. I've started building some great friendships here and have really grown to love the mom's group in my neighborhood. We recently set up a babysitting swap, which is pretty much the best thing I've ever thought of. How long would it take me to make new friends that I trust enough to get free babysitting out of the deal?! (mostly joking). I didn't feel ready to leave behind my favorite farmers' markets and restaurants or find new doctors and grocery stores.
The plan now is to send Timmy to a daycare close by (the first one I ever toured and loved), then have a babysitter who will pick him up and bring him home most days. Hopefully one or both of us can make it home by 7 to give him dinner and a bath and put him to bed. If and when my firm decides to transfer me to the office in suburbia, we'll decide whether to make the big move or do something else.
The way things have been going, this could all change in a month. But I'm excited about this for a few reasons: 1) I don't have to pack and move this summer. 2) I don't have to worry about taking the train to work/being stranded in downtown LA after a late night or being too far away from Timmy to get to him in an emergency. 3) I can finally finish decorating our apartment now that I know we'll be here for at least a little bit longer to enjoy it. I had a blissful day Wednesday throwing out old stuff, organizing things to put in storage and containing Timmy's little toys in cubicle bins so I won't keep tripping on matchbox cars everywhere.
To quote one of my favorite commercials: "Things are looking up!"
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
a Gen-Z Playground
A new playground was just built in our little community. This one is in the area which has yet to be developed but for the commercial buildings, so it is getting very little use so far. Or maybe no one goes to it because they can't tell it's a playground?
The planters are in a swampy marsh that you can't splash in
Belly button ring?
Bounciest see-saw ever
Little bit too afraid to go in the tunnel
But I think Timmy liked it
The planters are in a swampy marsh that you can't splash in
Belly button ring?
Bounciest see-saw ever
Little bit too afraid to go in the tunnel
But I think Timmy liked it
Monday, March 29, 2010
When Opportunity Knocks
As of today, it's official. PJO will be starting his new job in two weeks. We have very little planned out right now. He'll be commuting about 50 miles each way, which will undoubtedly be rough (on all three of us). At some point, we'll move there and I will presumably take the train to work when I start in October. Right now, my plan is still to transfer offices whenever there is an opening, but I'm happy that I'm still scheduled to start in the LA office because I know the people and I will have some great opportunities to do the kind of work I'm interested in.
I won't pretend that I'm 100% sure we're making the right decision, but I'm really, really happy. And I feel very confident that this is where we should be and all the inconveniences and outstanding issues will resolve themselves.
LA is the first place that I've lived on my own where I truly thought I might make it my permanent home, so I've invested a lot into my life here. Of course leaving that is going to be sad in some respects. I'll miss friends and it will be tough to switch back to being the new visitor from the seasoned veteran around town...err, something like that. Part of me will be glad if I don't have to cut all ties right away and I can still feel like a part of LA by working here. But I'm a firm believer in not overstaying your welcome and leaving before you have a bad taste in your mouth. Just like I love returning to NYC each visit, LA will hold a special place in my heart forever.
I won't pretend that I'm 100% sure we're making the right decision, but I'm really, really happy. And I feel very confident that this is where we should be and all the inconveniences and outstanding issues will resolve themselves.
LA is the first place that I've lived on my own where I truly thought I might make it my permanent home, so I've invested a lot into my life here. Of course leaving that is going to be sad in some respects. I'll miss friends and it will be tough to switch back to being the new visitor from the seasoned veteran around town...err, something like that. Part of me will be glad if I don't have to cut all ties right away and I can still feel like a part of LA by working here. But I'm a firm believer in not overstaying your welcome and leaving before you have a bad taste in your mouth. Just like I love returning to NYC each visit, LA will hold a special place in my heart forever.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Decision Time
As I alluded to, I've had a post in my drafts that's actually related to work. And not just related to my job, but PJO's as well. I didn't want to say anything until it was all finalized, but now everything is pretty firm and we have to make some decisions. And fast. We probably will come to some sort of conclusion tonight or tomorrow.
PJO has an offer at a great firm in suburbia (50 miles away). More prestigious firm, slightly more money, about equal benefits, but maybe a little less big fish in a small pond and more of a small fish in a big pond. The good news is my whole family lives in suburbia and we could buy a fairly nice house there where good schools for Timmy abound. I have actually wanted to move back for awhile, but PJO has been adamantly opposed. Until now.
I tried to transfer to the office of my firm in suburbia, but right now, the office is "full" so I'll be in LA for a year or two more. The question now is whether we move to suburbia anyway. I could commute to the LA office pretty easily by train. It's not ideal, but there are definite benefits (doing work or relaxing on the way to work instead of letting road rage consume me). I could drive when I feel like it or when I know I have a late night ahead. I was told that I could probably transfer to the suburbia office in a year or two, so the longer commute wouldn't be forever. Of course, the benefit to staying in the LA office is that it's bigger and has a great variety of work across practice areas. But I worry about being a junior associate and having to leave at a specific time every night to catch the train.
Our choices basically come down to 1) staying in LA, PJO stays at his current job, I keep my current job offer, or 2) We move to suburbia, PJO takes the new job and I commute until I transfer offices (unless I love the train so much that I want to stay at the LA office). So, with that extremely vague overview and lack of important facts, what would you do? Any insight is appreciated. I'll keep you all updated.
PJO has an offer at a great firm in suburbia (50 miles away). More prestigious firm, slightly more money, about equal benefits, but maybe a little less big fish in a small pond and more of a small fish in a big pond. The good news is my whole family lives in suburbia and we could buy a fairly nice house there where good schools for Timmy abound. I have actually wanted to move back for awhile, but PJO has been adamantly opposed. Until now.
I tried to transfer to the office of my firm in suburbia, but right now, the office is "full" so I'll be in LA for a year or two more. The question now is whether we move to suburbia anyway. I could commute to the LA office pretty easily by train. It's not ideal, but there are definite benefits (doing work or relaxing on the way to work instead of letting road rage consume me). I could drive when I feel like it or when I know I have a late night ahead. I was told that I could probably transfer to the suburbia office in a year or two, so the longer commute wouldn't be forever. Of course, the benefit to staying in the LA office is that it's bigger and has a great variety of work across practice areas. But I worry about being a junior associate and having to leave at a specific time every night to catch the train.
Our choices basically come down to 1) staying in LA, PJO stays at his current job, I keep my current job offer, or 2) We move to suburbia, PJO takes the new job and I commute until I transfer offices (unless I love the train so much that I want to stay at the LA office). So, with that extremely vague overview and lack of important facts, what would you do? Any insight is appreciated. I'll keep you all updated.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Weekend Talk
Since the Bar exam, weekends have taken on new meaning. Instead of a chance to catch up on things I let slide during the week, that time is just for catching up on family time. We no longer procrastinate on weekends by going to look at open houses (for places we could never afford) because we would rather just enjoy every minute we have together.
Something about being together as our family of three without distraction leads us to plan with desperation and reckless abandon our next step. Usually, it involves leaving Los Angeles and moving somewhere slower paced where we could live in a house with a yard and plant fruit trees and adopt some dogs (PJO thinks he's getting two mastiffs and naming them Thor and Zeus ... riiiiiiiiight).
The plan this weekend was for PJO to re-take the GRE (his scores expired) and apply for a top computer science Ph.D program. I would work at Big Law until he finished and then he would be a professor in a beautiful college town and I would find some practice with a flexible schedule so we could be present and active in our kids' (Timmy + any future) lives.
He has a B.S. and M.S. in Comp Sci and has always wanted to be a professor. Right now, he's at a cross-roads, deciding whether to pursue something more in finance or computers. When I start working at the Firm next year, I will be starting my career. He feels like he just has a job, and it seems only fair that he should have the chance to build a career too.
Other plans have included PJO going to business school, starting his own business on the side while keeping his current job or taking a job at a financial firm in Orange County (the 'burbs) so we could move down there. On the weekends, this all seems completely realistic and within reach.
Then Monday comes. PJO goes to work. And I come back to reality. There is a reason I decided to go to the Firm I'm headed to. I like the office, the culture, the practice areas, and the people. I also like that I have A JOB.* Moving anywhere else would mean sacrificing that. If I'm honest with myself, I realize that I probably wouldn't be able to get a job right now. Once the market crashed, big firms pretty much stopped hiring from my low-ranked law school. It has some name recognition in LA, but not outside of southern California. My 3L transcript is pretty lackluster and I didn't do much "extra" in law school.
So while chasing dreams and exploring a new city is romantic and exciting, it just wouldn't be the right decision now for our family. That isn't to say it definitely won't happen, but let's just say that the new meaning of weekday is pulling me back down to reality.
*Incidentally, I like that I got a big, fat check from them last week for doing nothing; I wish that more than half was left over for me, but oh well
Something about being together as our family of three without distraction leads us to plan with desperation and reckless abandon our next step. Usually, it involves leaving Los Angeles and moving somewhere slower paced where we could live in a house with a yard and plant fruit trees and adopt some dogs (PJO thinks he's getting two mastiffs and naming them Thor and Zeus ... riiiiiiiiight).
The plan this weekend was for PJO to re-take the GRE (his scores expired) and apply for a top computer science Ph.D program. I would work at Big Law until he finished and then he would be a professor in a beautiful college town and I would find some practice with a flexible schedule so we could be present and active in our kids' (Timmy + any future) lives.
He has a B.S. and M.S. in Comp Sci and has always wanted to be a professor. Right now, he's at a cross-roads, deciding whether to pursue something more in finance or computers. When I start working at the Firm next year, I will be starting my career. He feels like he just has a job, and it seems only fair that he should have the chance to build a career too.
Other plans have included PJO going to business school, starting his own business on the side while keeping his current job or taking a job at a financial firm in Orange County (the 'burbs) so we could move down there. On the weekends, this all seems completely realistic and within reach.
Then Monday comes. PJO goes to work. And I come back to reality. There is a reason I decided to go to the Firm I'm headed to. I like the office, the culture, the practice areas, and the people. I also like that I have A JOB.* Moving anywhere else would mean sacrificing that. If I'm honest with myself, I realize that I probably wouldn't be able to get a job right now. Once the market crashed, big firms pretty much stopped hiring from my low-ranked law school. It has some name recognition in LA, but not outside of southern California. My 3L transcript is pretty lackluster and I didn't do much "extra" in law school.
So while chasing dreams and exploring a new city is romantic and exciting, it just wouldn't be the right decision now for our family. That isn't to say it definitely won't happen, but let's just say that the new meaning of weekday is pulling me back down to reality.
*Incidentally, I like that I got a big, fat check from them last week for doing nothing; I wish that more than half was left over for me, but oh well
Friday, September 18, 2009
Sub-Groups
Within the larger community of mothers, there always seems to be a need to further define ourselves. In both my community's Mom's group and citymommy (in a ton of cities now!), there are separate smaller groups for working moms, stay-at-home moms, organic moms, moms over 35, frugal moms, cloth diapering moms, Jewish moms, groups organized by the child's age or where the family lives.
Simply having progeny is no longer enough to really make a connection with someone else. Sure, you can start a conversation with them, maybe bond over some shared experiences in your past or similar interests. But you won't actually become friends unless you share a sub-group.
I am just wondering where the sub-group is for moms 30 or younger, who are not passionate about being "green" and doing yoga or practicing a particular religion. In LA, you don't need sub-groups for organic yoga moms over thirty-five. That's EVERYONE!
I personally have nothing against making friends with people older than me. I've always been more comfortable with the more "mature" crowd. I keep in touch with more teachers than students from high school. I hang out with more attorneys than fellow summer associates from the firm I worked at in summer '08. But it's not enough that I am ok with making friends who are older. When I show up to mom's night out or playgroups, they look at me like I don't belong and I can see that they assume I am too immature to really be "in" with the group.
And even if I was completely accepted, there is no denying that I am simply different from mothers ten years older than me. We're from entirely separate generations. So while we can have a conversation about things our kids are doing or events in the community, we aren't in a place where we could go out on a girls night and talk for hours about whatever is on our mind. And no matter how much I wish they could, my child-less friends simply can never completely understand what my life as a mother is like either. What I'm left with is friends that serve different purposes...when I add them up together, it's like I have a complete friend. But it is hard to segment your life like that.
In some ways I think it's even harder for PJO. He moved with me to CA over 3 years ago, knowing no one but me. For the first two years, he worked from home. Despite his best efforts, he didn't really make any friends that even came close to the relationships he had back in NYC. Over the past year, he has made a few friends from work and he has become close with some guys I went to law school with. But men don't form daddy groups or make playdates for their kids. He needs the sub-group of LA dads 35 or younger who like to watch football and play sports. Where is it?
Are we really so strange that there is no sub-group to accommodate us? Or do we live in a strange part of the country where we don't really want to fit in?
Simply having progeny is no longer enough to really make a connection with someone else. Sure, you can start a conversation with them, maybe bond over some shared experiences in your past or similar interests. But you won't actually become friends unless you share a sub-group.
I am just wondering where the sub-group is for moms 30 or younger, who are not passionate about being "green" and doing yoga or practicing a particular religion. In LA, you don't need sub-groups for organic yoga moms over thirty-five. That's EVERYONE!
I personally have nothing against making friends with people older than me. I've always been more comfortable with the more "mature" crowd. I keep in touch with more teachers than students from high school. I hang out with more attorneys than fellow summer associates from the firm I worked at in summer '08. But it's not enough that I am ok with making friends who are older. When I show up to mom's night out or playgroups, they look at me like I don't belong and I can see that they assume I am too immature to really be "in" with the group.
And even if I was completely accepted, there is no denying that I am simply different from mothers ten years older than me. We're from entirely separate generations. So while we can have a conversation about things our kids are doing or events in the community, we aren't in a place where we could go out on a girls night and talk for hours about whatever is on our mind. And no matter how much I wish they could, my child-less friends simply can never completely understand what my life as a mother is like either. What I'm left with is friends that serve different purposes...when I add them up together, it's like I have a complete friend. But it is hard to segment your life like that.
In some ways I think it's even harder for PJO. He moved with me to CA over 3 years ago, knowing no one but me. For the first two years, he worked from home. Despite his best efforts, he didn't really make any friends that even came close to the relationships he had back in NYC. Over the past year, he has made a few friends from work and he has become close with some guys I went to law school with. But men don't form daddy groups or make playdates for their kids. He needs the sub-group of LA dads 35 or younger who like to watch football and play sports. Where is it?
Are we really so strange that there is no sub-group to accommodate us? Or do we live in a strange part of the country where we don't really want to fit in?
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