Ha! I am smart! So there!

For the past year, teething has been my go-to answer for any ailment that may be afflicting Timmy. Never mind the fact that his first tooth didn't poke through until almost 9 months...he was gushing drool and biting his fingers at 4 months and that was teething damn it! As time went on, I started to wonder if I was missing something. His little friends have far more teeth than he does and don't seem to complain all that much. Or they'll complain during the few days that the tooth actually erupts but that's it.
Timmy will exhibit all the signs of teething for weeks or even months at a time, with no discernible difference 3 weeks or 1 night before the tooth comes in. That's why we're usually surprised when we actually see a tooth in there, it must have had to travel all the way from his toes the way he carries on about it.
At first I was hesitant to give him much for the pain because how do I really know whether it's teething or not? He seems to be teething all the time. But even when I gave him Tylenol or Motrin or Hyland's teething tablets or frozen bagels or frozen washcloths..whatever, none of it seemed to help anyway.
Until yesterday. I remembered reading that chewing on green onions really helped some kids, so I bought some while I was at the store. Timmy was a MESS yesterday, but once he chomped on 3 green onions, he was happy as a clam the rest of the day. The answer was so simple, yet so elusive! I'll admit it, I felt pretty proud of myself for having figured out this mystery a short 16 months into his life! Maybe I am capable of figuring out my child and learning what makes him tick. I guess the green onions will be tested since he currently has just 6 teeth and I can feel 4 molars and 4 canines bulging below the surface.

Dear Time, May I Speak With Your Supervisor?

People keep asking me if I am excited to start working. It seems unfair to burden them with the full extent of that answer and the complexities of my inner thoughts, so I tend to give a short answer that I find is tailored to the audience. If it's someone who is working, I usually say I wish I were already working, I was ready to start yesterday. It's so boring being a stay-at-home-mom, no adult conversation, no intellectual stimulation, blah blah blah. If it's a stay-at-home-mom who asks me, I say I'm looking forward to working but I know I'm really going to miss Timmy and it's probably going to be horrible putting in the long hours away from my family.

The thing is, both of these are true. I really do feel ready to have a career, use my legal education and accomplish adult tasks every day. But honestly, I'm terrified of how I'll feel when my time with Timmy is reduced from every waking hour of his day to an hour or so. I don't know how to be a mom that isn't taking him to the park, reading him books before naps and eating meals with him every day, and I worry that when I'm learning how to balance motherhood with something else and it's hard, I'll give up too easily on my dreams for my career.

An older and wiser friend (who is a senior associate at a big law firm) was recently explaining to me that she doesn't wish she worked fewer hours, she just wished there were more hours in the day. Driving home the other night after putting in 13 hours at the office, she was exhausted and a little sad that she wouldn't see her daughter that night. But then it dawned on her that her first reaction to the day had been, "I love my job!" She had put in long hours, but it was doing something she truly enjoyed. Some days, she said, she gets stressed out and feels like she can't handle it all, but then she remembered feeling the same way at the end of maternity leave sometimes. Full time motherhood can be overwhelming too.

Of course, my friend had 7 years as a lawyer before she had her baby, so she balances motherhood with a "career." Something she had developed a love for and become good at. I will be starting a "job" and hoping to find my passion and what I'm good at, eventually developing a career. If things go well, I can definitely see myself happily trading 12 Timmy hours for a career that I love plus an hour or two of solid Timmy time each day. But will I wish that I was at the playground with Timmy when I'm paying dues as a junior associate on doc review? Will I think my "career" is worth the sacrifice when I'm still a newbie attorney putting in long hours doing what is essentially secretarial work?

And what about "me" time? Lately I've been doing a lot of extracurriculars. Thanks to Netflix and TiVo, PJO and I are finally watching some TV shows and movies that we never got into before. I just caught up on Glee and am totally hooked. I have been reading books and flipping through magazines. I learned how to sew and started various projects around the house. And I've been getting into Yoga and am now borderline obsessed. I am trying out new recipes and attempting to cook healthy options to keep Timmy interested. But my main problem is that I need 8 hours of sleep. Honestly, I probably need 9, but that is just so far from obtainable that I make 8 hours my goal. Each day, I have approximately 4 hours to get things done without Timmy. Factor in cleaning, cooking, getting ready for the day and there is very little "me" time left. While I will happily give up cleaning time when I'm working, I can't imagine giving up time for all the rest of this stuff.

So, in conclusion, I need at least 6 extra hours in the day. That's the only way I can see all of this working out.

kids say the darndest things

I met a friend from my future firm and her 9 month old daughter at the park today for a play date with Timmy. Her daughter is cute beyond words and most people passing by would stop and comment on the cuteness crawling around on our blanket. Including this 5 year old toothless wonder named Annie. (Well, she was missing one front tooth.)

Annie looked right at my friend's daughter and said, "oh, she's such a cute baby!" and immediately began tickling her fingers and making her laugh.

Then Annie looked over at Timmy with his runny nose, drooling mouth and cold wind-induced watering eyes and said matter-of-factly, "He's pretty disgusting right now."

Poor Timmy, I'm sure that's not the last time a girl will call him disgusting.

Teaching a Control Freak to Let Go

From the minute I got pregnant, I knew that the life I knew was over. I have been a stubborn, independent and bossy control freak since I was born. As the oldest child and the only girl in my family, I usually got my way (sometimes by imposing it on my younger brothers with force). No one ever successfully prevented me from doing something just by saying "no." In fact, the little contrarian in me usually insisted that every no eventually become a yes, just for the sake of proving I could change them before they change me. Certain things fall right into their OCD place as a mom...folding Timmy's wash cloths in the same double fold, but stacking them rotating clockwise so all sides of the pile are even...wrapping up each diaper the same way before putting it in the trash (wipes on the inside, wrapped tight) ... putting each book in ascending order by size on the book shelf. But really, I don't control many aspects of my day anymore. When I wake up, when I go to sleep, whether I get anything productive done during the day...that's all largely controlled by Timmy.

It's very hard to accept that I have no control over parts of his life. I've been told that developmentally, you can't "teach" a child to do something they're not ready to do. If they're on the verge of learning it, you may peak their interest by showing them, but they generally don't do something until they're ready. I don't like hearing that when I have the kid who lags behind his peers and shows little interest in catching up.

Gross motor skill wise, he's always been somewhat behind the milestone charts...He didn't roll over until 7 months, didn't crawl until 10 months and at 15 months, he isn't really walking. And even though he started saying words (both audibly and visually with signs) "on schedule" he is frustratingly non-communicative now. Mama and Dada are very clear, but "more" and "milk" are indiscernible from each other and "dog" sort of became "dah(!)" which is used to describe everything. That's all he says. Words he used to know and use, including silly ones like "Elmo", just aren't in his vocab anymore. The way he "talks" to me is by pointing and whining, or crying when he doesn't get what he wants. I can tell he understands what I say to him, but for whatever reason, he doesn't seem interested in responding to it. Right now his doctor seems relatively unconcerned and I know he is still within the realm of "normal." But I hate feeling like something is wrong and there is nothing I can do, or whatever I'm doing isn't working. I try to focus on the things he can do instead of what he can't, but honestly, I would rather Timmy be able to go run around the park and talk to kids his age than sit on the floor and read books to himself. That's the challenge. Figuring out that it doesn't matter what I want...Timmy works on his own schedule, not mine.

It all can cause a headache. But at least he's a pretty cute headache.