Space is at a premium

Since we decided to stay in LA, I have been throwing out and donating old stuff, organizing what we are keeping to better utilize the minimal space we have and trying to consolidate/label stuff in our little storage space above our parking spots. Our storage units (2 of them) are probably the size of big freezers that hold ice cream sandwiches near checkout at Quicki-marts. About 65% of their contents are baby-related. The problem is, they're jam-packed and we keep generating more stuff for storage as Timmy outgrows another round of clothes or toys or accessories. Luckily, my mom just got a storage unit for some of my grandma's furniture she inherited that she hasn't made room for yet, and offered some space to me. Some space. Here's my problem:



These are the clothes that Timmy has outgrown in his short 18 months here on Earth. Just the clothes. I also have stored in our garage his infant swing and bouncer, exerSaucer, Baby Einstein floor gym, bumbo seat, boppy, and pack 'n play. There are things that I would love to store if I had plenty of space because we never use them anymore, like the giant glider and ottoman in his room or some more old toys or one of my two giant strollers, or his high chair when he moves on to a booster seat soon.

Everything I'm saving is something that I will probably want to use again whenever we have another baby. I also am saving a few things just for Timmy, keepsakes like his baptismal outfit and hospital blanket. I'm definitely starting to feel like the stuff I own owns me, but I can't bring myself to get rid of any of it. Then I start to wonder how long it will take to reach the point where it's cheaper to buy new stuff for the next baby than to pay to store our old stuff.

Ahh the joys of Apartment living!

18 months old

Today the Timster turns 18 months old. He's quickly approaching the age where you measure him in years rather than months. At one and a half, he is 33.5 inches tall, weighs 30 lbs, 7 oz and has a head that takes 20 inches of measuring tape to circumnavigate.

Here's a little taste of the "letter" I wrote to him for family, friends and posterity on our little family blog:

You are one and a half today and a completely delightful, funny and sweet little boy (most of the time). With every passing day you start looking more like a toddler (and your dad) and less like a baby.

You're a big, bulky guy and everyone comments that you are going to be a football player (we'll see about that when you're older...). I bought you new shoes yesterday and just about fainted when the lady brought out size 7 wide shoes. You're like a German Shepherd puppy; you still need to grow into your feet (and your head).



A bunch of new teeth are invading your mouth. You have 7 in front and 4 molars. Your hair is getting lighter, thick and wavy, needing frequent haircuts, which I still do at home. Your eyes are a bluish/greenish/gray color, depending on the light and what you're wearing, though I have a feeling they may still change.



You are almost as stubborn as your mama, and want to do everything by yourself. I don't even bother trying to feed you anymore. And you do just fine anyway, using forks and spoons really well.

You're turning into a very active boy, running, climbing, bouncing and dancing. There is probably nothing that gets you more excited than the sight of trucks or cranes or anything remotely related to construction work. Every time you see an airplane or the moon in the sky, you point up, shriek with excitement and tell me what you see. Now you like boats and trains too. That's not to say you only like "boy" toys. At the park, you jump on the chance to push around a little stroller with a baby doll in it.

Without a doubt, your favorite activity is reading books. There are easily 100 books in your collection and I honestly can't say which is your favorite; we read them all, and some we read multiple times a day. Sometimes you'll sit in front of the bookshelves, pulling them off one at a time, flipping through the pages, pointing to things we talk about and babbling something incomprehensible. The end result is a pile that completely buries you. Other times, you'll bring them one at a time to me, shouting "Book! Book!" and plop in my lap.



A few times a week, I let you watch a TV show while I cook dinner. As soon as the word "Backyardigans" comes out of my mouth, you smile and sprint to your little chair, get comfortable and wait for your little singing and dancing friends to appear on the screen. Then you'll watch, completely entranced, for the entire 30 minutes, laughing at all the right times. It's adorable.



You love animals, especially dogs, but recently you've rediscovered our cats and find the things they do hilarious. George crawls into a bag...hilarious! Sweet Pea runs away from you...hilarious! You also love flirting with the ladies, and when you really want to impress them, you flash your belly button and grin.




There is so much more I could say about you at this age, but I'm not sure it's possible to put it all into words. Just know that your parents (and grandparents/aunts/uncles/friends) love spending time with you and watching you become your own little self.

Love,
Mama

(Here are a bunch of random photos from the past month or two)

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

You know that story? Where the boy keeps saying "WOLF!!!" and at first people care and stuff, but then eventually they stop because he was always full of shit and then when there is really NO ONE who gives a f*ck anymore, a WOLF appears out of nowhere. That kid probably died a gruesome death, and absent that part, I sort of feel like the boy who cried wolf. I'm the girl who cried "move."

The move to suburbia has been momentarily/temporarily/maybe permanently(?) tabled. Once we realized it would be a very poor financial decision for us to buy a starter home, the allure was greatly diminished. We stepped back and asked why were moving to rent a place that we would most likely move out of in a year and would result in a 3 1/2 hour daily commute for me. Timmy is not in school yet, so things like great schools and lots of families just don't matter as much right now as they will in a few years. It would be nice to be closer to family, but they're only an hour away.

PJO still likes the resume builder and experience that his job provides, so he is going to keep doing his commute for as long as he can. It's not pleasant, but it's not terrible either (at least not by LA standards). My commute will be 30-45 minutes each way, much more doable given my unpredictable hours.

There is also the fact that I wasn't feeling quite ready to leave this place. I've started building some great friendships here and have really grown to love the mom's group in my neighborhood. We recently set up a babysitting swap, which is pretty much the best thing I've ever thought of. How long would it take me to make new friends that I trust enough to get free babysitting out of the deal?! (mostly joking). I didn't feel ready to leave behind my favorite farmers' markets and restaurants or find new doctors and grocery stores.

The plan now is to send Timmy to a daycare close by (the first one I ever toured and loved), then have a babysitter who will pick him up and bring him home most days. Hopefully one or both of us can make it home by 7 to give him dinner and a bath and put him to bed. If and when my firm decides to transfer me to the office in suburbia, we'll decide whether to make the big move or do something else.

The way things have been going, this could all change in a month. But I'm excited about this for a few reasons: 1) I don't have to pack and move this summer. 2) I don't have to worry about taking the train to work/being stranded in downtown LA after a late night or being too far away from Timmy to get to him in an emergency. 3) I can finally finish decorating our apartment now that I know we'll be here for at least a little bit longer to enjoy it. I had a blissful day Wednesday throwing out old stuff, organizing things to put in storage and containing Timmy's little toys in cubicle bins so I won't keep tripping on matchbox cars everywhere.

To quote one of my favorite commercials: "Things are looking up!"

iPhoto Cache

Now that taking pictures of my wee-little baby involves chasing him around and getting him to do what I say ("Look!" "Say hi!" "Cheese!"), I rarely take pictures on our camera(s). It's just a lot of hassle for not a lot of reward. One out of every fifty or so pictures usually ends up being a keeper.

Anyway, most of the pictures I take are on my iPhone, poor quality and all. Usually, I just upload cute ones to Facebook or email them to PJO while he's at work to let him know what we're up to. But sometimes a video I'll take will be too long to email, so I'll have to connect the phone to the computer to transfer. I did that yesterday and discovered lots and lots of pictures of a precious, chubby little pumpkin that barely resembles my toddler today.


Two months old...looks miniature and not even too fat yet



Seven months old...I was 4 days into being a SAHM and we're already eating dinner out, but more importantly, do you SEE the (multiple) arm rolls. I die.


Eight months old...Baptism in NJ. 100 degrees, 100% humidity (or something like that). He was quickly down to just a onesie.


THERE they are, chubby chubby thighs! (still 8 months old)


Nine months old. So cute, politely waving to me in the grocery store. Ahh, memories.


so many delicious, ooey-gooey rolls here at 9 months


Ten and a half months. Little baby curly hair behind the ear. Sigh.


Almost eighteen months. Definitely no longer a little baby. I guess I'm ok with that. But I hope I can still call him a toddler for a long time to come, "kid" seems so old.

a Gen-Z Playground

A new playground was just built in our little community. This one is in the area which has yet to be developed but for the commercial buildings, so it is getting very little use so far. Or maybe no one goes to it because they can't tell it's a playground?



The planters are in a swampy marsh that you can't splash in






Belly button ring?



Bounciest see-saw ever





Little bit too afraid to go in the tunnel




But I think Timmy liked it

(More) Official

I just filled out a little survey for the Firm, indicating the practice areas that I'm interested in, the partners I would like to work for and the date I would like to start. (They added a later date as an option, but I stuck with the original date in the middle of October). I told them what extra equipment I wanted for my computer, declined the option to use my iPhone instead of a blackberry and jotted down the dates for the First Year Academy in my calendar.

It's becoming so real and I'm SO EXCITED! I want to start working tomorrow and get dressed up for work, set up my office, chat with people in the hallways, turn in assignments and write down to-dos. I don't feel sad that I won't see Timmy all day, every day, but I do hate feeling like I'm not enjoying every moment I spend with him now. I have less than 4 months left with him, so why do I spend so much time running errands and cleaning up? Because that stuff has to get done too, I guess. When I picture myself as a working lawyer, his smiling face flashes across my mind and I start to wonder if his little heart will temporarily be broken when I leave him at daycare for the first few weeks. I'm going to try to savor the 119 days left of being with Timmy morning, noon and night. And I'll try to remember how happy I am to be working when I am squeezing in only 5 hours during the week with him come October.

Getting Crafty

I can now cross off one goal from my list of things to do/learn before I start working in October.

Ta Da!




This week I finally ironed, measured, pinned and cut the fabric that's been sitting in my room. Then I set up my sewing machine and refreshed my memory by looking over the owner's manual, re-learning how to thread a bobbin and switch the stitches. I made these two itty bitty blankets for a baby shower I'm going to tonight. They are both the same, one shows the front and one shows the back.

I had big plans to embroider the names of the babies on the blanket and to, you know, sew in a straight line. But then the blankets were too thick to fit under the foot and I had to keep the foot up and push the material under the needle manually. Basically, I realized that I'm not a naturally gifted seamstress. I may never be making my own clothing and bags, but I'm totally at peace with that. I'm just happy that I am comfortable using my machine now and I could (probably) make something that won't fall apart if I touch it. That is good enough to get crossed off my list and let me move on to the next thing!

Vacation

I just booked my first vacation without PJO since before we were married. My cousin is getting married back in Iowa this summer and it's going to be a fun family reunion. Unfortunately, PJO won't be able to take any time off work since he just switched jobs in April. So, Timmy, myself and my two younger brothers will be traveling to the Midwest for six days at the end of July.

The wedding is in the small town on the Mississippi river where my mom grew up, a dark hole of aviation really. The nearest major airport is 3 hours away. I thought this would be a fun opportunity to have a little vacation with my brothers, so we are flying in and out of Chicago. I've never spent any time in the city and I don't think my brothers have either. We arrive there on my baby brother's birthday, so we'll be taking him to dinner, museums and enjoying some sightseeing.

The thought of spending nearly a week alone with Timmy and without the comforts of home nearby is somewhat intimidating. But I'm sure PJO will enjoy playing video games and being a bachelor so much that he'll jump at the chance to give me some baby-free time at the end of it all.

You know what's awkward?

Watching the marriage of law school friends unravel on Facebook. It's just not pleasant to see "John Doe is in a relationship and it's complicated" when he and his (ex)wife were a constant couple presence in my social life throughout law school. And if I can't easily pick one side to offer support to, do I just stay out of it or do I double dip? Yikes.

That just happened

Timmy,
I'm sorry for all of the embarrassing things I'll make you do throughout your lifetime. Sorry for the sailor outfits and awkward picture-taking at high school prom and yelling too loudly in the stands at your tee-ball games.

But most of all, I'm sorry for this oompa-loompa outfit. At least I didn't make you go outside in it.

Love,
Mom

Wannabe Backyardigan

I wish I had a backyard for Timmy to run around naked in. He got a bad case of diaper rash this week and I had to let him roam naked and free in my apartment to allow his chafed butt to air out. He's acquainted with the potty enough that he'll sit on his little one and giggle, but unaware enough that he'll stand up and pee on the floor next to the potty, point and laugh. Good times.

Oh well, at least it made for some cute pictures.



He was actually much happier than he looks here.

Hmm, photographic evidence....

Let me see...

Ah ha! Here we go...

Eating food with the forbidden adult fork (albeit plastic):

Shake, Rattle and Roll

Two earthquakes yesterday. Little tiny ones, super short. Jolt left, jolt right, then done. Could have easily been someone slamming the front door really hard. Except everyone else in LA felt them too.

People who don't live near fault lines always seem to assume earthquakes are big and scary. I never could understand that because floods, hurricanes, tornadoes and blizzards always seemed far worse. I usually slept through earthquakes, they just weren't a huge deal. When the Northridge earthquake struck in 1994, my eyes were glued to the news coverage for a day or two, but there were no discernible effects of the quake where I lived an hour and a half south.

These days, however, my heart races for several minutes each time the ground moves. I think it's something about having Timmy with me and being responsible for protecting him from whatever happens. Maybe it's just my increasing awareness of what could happen if a really big one struck. Or maybe it's my lack of earthquake kits and earthquake insurance.

Limbo extended

With the exception of 1, every August 1st for the last 5 years, I've moved to a new apartment. The four years before that I moved into a new dorm room each August. Soon PJO and I will make our 4th move in 5 years. Our first was a cross-country move with two cats but little furniture. Since then, we have accumulated more stuff, most notably a baby and all of his accoutrements.

I thought that in moving to suburbia, we would finally settle down, buy a house and stay put for several years. As it turns out, our desire to be free of a landlord is pretty much the only thing that supports a decision to buy. The combination of student loan debt and our plans to expand our family in the next few years make buying a starter home a waste of money.

So most likely, we will rent again. It's a little disappointing, but I'm trying to think of the perks...flexibility over the next few years and the ability to greatly accelerate paying off my loans. At this rate, I'll be happy if we feel settled by the time Timmy starts Kindergarten, which I guess is what matters anyway.

Now is the time

Lately I've struggled with reconciling the kind of parent I am now with the kind of childhood I always imagined my children would have. It just doesn't seem like anything counts as the real thing when my only child is still at an age where he won't remember anything and he can't speak his mind yet. Couple that with the fact that I find being a stay-at-home mom exhausting, and it's easy to see how I've let myself fall into a routine where I am just "getting through" the hard years and telling myself I'll be the kind of parent I want to be later when it counts (and when I have the energy).

My sister-in-law, full time SAHM to 4 kids (the oldest is 6) doesn't allow her kids to watch TV. On a rainy day when they're all a little bit sick, she still refuses to bust out a movie to buy herself an easy hour or two. I found myself thinking she was crazy, but at the same time respecting that she is sticking to a system that enforces the ideals she thinks are important for her kids. If she can get through the day with a 6 month old, a 2 year old, a 4 year old and a six year old with no extra help and still be the kind of parent she wants to be, I should sure as hell be able to do the same with one 17 month old.

So the most important thing to me as a parent is setting an example for an active and healthy lifestyle. Playing outdoors and running around instead of being sedentary inside all day. Eating healthy, fresh food and being fit. I want my kids to prefer playing catch outside or going swimming to playing video games in the living room. I want them to prefer eating a home-cooked meal to ordering pizza from Dominoes.

Around the same time as this visit to NJ, I watched Food, Inc. and Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I found myself disgusted by what these "fat Americans" were eating and the lack of physical activity they were getting, as well as completely dumbfounded by the fact that they weren't jumping at the chance to change when given the help and opportunity to do so.

Then I started thinking back to what I ate as a teenager. In the morning I would eat toaster strudels or pop tarts or sugary cereal. At school for lunch I would eat pizza and soda, usually with a cookie. Dinner was often fast food or some heavily processed frozen food because my mom was a single working mother with very little time to cook for us (and somehow it never occurred to us to cook for ourselves). We always had fresh fruit, but we were getting the majority of our calories from, as Jamie would say, "a load of crap."

I cringe when I think of what that must have done to my body. My fast metabolism is both a blessing and a curse because I should have been FAT from eating all that, even if I was a varsity athlete working out 3 hours a day. It's so easy to ignore a horrible diet when you don't need to lose weight.

Anyway, I made a promise to myself that I would start taking control of this now. I am the only one who controls what food Timmy gets. I am the one who is in charge of shaping his environment and showing him how great it is that we live in a place where we can play outside almost every day. I am the one who has the chance to take him on camping trips like the ones my dad took us on, showing him the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone and Yosemite and Mesa Verde. I can teach him how to ski and hike and fish and surf. I can teach him how to pick out the good produce at the farmer's market, grow vegetables in his garden and cook with natural ingredients. As someone told me, it's my job as a parent to put healthy food on his plate, it's Timmy's job to eat it. It's also my job to feed my body and soul so that I'm healthy and active when Timmy has kids and PJO and I grow old and retire together.

We try to buy things that are less processed and more fresh. No high fructose corn syrup, no MSG, no nitrates and no preservatives or additives (especially Red 40). We also buy organic for at least the dirty dozen, milk and eggs. We are making the effort to buy locally grown products and support vendors at the farmer's market. We're far from perfect and we'll still eat out at restaurants or occasionally buy something that is prohibited by our list. But I feel better eating chocolate cake when I made it from scratch and know everything in it than eating a mystery slice that is filled with preservatives and who knows what else. I try to spend as much time outdoors with Timmy and PJO as I can and we're planning a fun vacation for the the end of summer before I start working, hopefully the first of many memorable family vacations. I may not always be the parent or wife or friend or lawyer or person I want to be, but if I try to do something right every day, at least I can be proud at the end of it all.

Sticking Around

I've said it too many times to be taken seriously anymore, but I miss the blogosphere and I miss the MILPs and I want to record everything so I don't look back and wonder what I did with my 15 months at home. I find it really hard to make time to write these days, and sometimes it feels like there is just nothing even remotely interesting to say, but I want to.

So for the record, I want to keep writing on this blog and I want to keep up on what you all are doing. Posting may be spotty at times, but I think it will pick back up when I start working and have toddler-free time at a computer and more to say.

5 Years Ago

This weekend was my five year college reunion. I skipped it because my good friends weren't going and I couldn't justify buying a plane ticket to NYC in order to see people I don't keep in touch with anyway. But maybe that's the whole point of going to a reunion? So much has changed since I graduated college...Married with a kid, living in California and graduated from law school. But unlike going back to high school, I know my accomplishments won't seem out of the ordinary. Most of my classmates have completed some form of graduate school, many of them have started their own businesses or traveled the world providing relief to people in developing regions. From my small circle of friends, one is doing intelligence for the Air Force, one is finishing up Med School and one is going to be a professor at Harvard Business School next year. I'm the one who chose to settle down and start a family, which most of them would probably like to save for their later years.

Maybe at the 10 year reunion I won't be the only one pulling out my iPhone to show off pictures of my child.