Ed Welch on legalism (2)

Ed Welch is talking about guilt. He's talking about a "resistant strand of guilt" - the kind of guilt which can plunge you into anxiety and depression. "No matter how much you offer the wonderful forgiveness of sins, the person still feels guilty. It's like this virus that there's no treatment for. ... We call it legalism."

He tells a story about some of the different varieties of legalism. I found myself in several groups, but especially in group 3, at which point I have to admit I started crying with relief that I wasn't alone. Have a read: you'll find yourself there somewhere, I guarantee it!

Let me tell you a story of legalism …

Consider yourself in a wonderful banquet-hall. There is fellowship, there is celebration, there is joy. Jesus Christ is the centre. … You’ve known something about this banquet hall. ...

But here’s this peculiarity. On this side of Christ returning, sometimes, while we’re in the banquet hall, these old memories kick in. There’s a sense of nostalgia. And so we drift away … and end up moving towards the back door. … So we wander out … We find another place. ...

One time I was taken to a bar. ... In Texas there’s no such thing as a tiny corner bar. … We went to this place, and it was basically an entire city block called Billy Bob’s. … It’s just immense. It’s smoky in some place, people are drinking in some places, people are playing pool in some places, people are going to a concert in the back room. We have come into Billy Bob’s.

And you see all these people drifting around. ... You’re a little disoriented initially. Where do I go? Who do I fit with? ... You’re looking for ... some group ... where you can feel comfortable. So you’re wandering around, and there is this group over here.

1. scrupulous legalists
They’re all dressed very well, they’re clean as can be, they’re perfectly well-groomed, and immediately I don’t think I’m going to fit in with them. … This is the group that would be scrupulous, ...the ascetics, ... the ones that are very, very careful with laws, ... the anorectics, ... the obsessive compulsives ..., concerned about fine points and details, crossing t’s, dotting i’s. ... Their entire life is, have they done the right thing? Every five minutes, there’s something judging their life. ... So I see that particular group, and I recognise very quickly that I don’t belong there. Even though some of you do. But it’s not my place. So I look around some more.

2. successful legalists
I find another group. Their appearance is somewhat similar, but their ethos is different. ... There don’t seem to be as many laws. They seem a bit more casual. They are the successful legalists. This is the group that have made it. They have the right amount of money. They come from the right family. They go to the right church. Their kids have gone to the right schools. They have the right intelligence. … This is the group that has successfully measured up to the law, whatever the law might be. ... I personally don’t tend to feel as though I have measured up. So I stop and listen to this particular group, but I move on.

Now in actuality, I do fit in that group, because the vast majority of times that I have frustration or anger in my life, it’s because I’ve measured up, and that person hasn’t. But I’m not recollecting all those things at this particular moment. So I move on some other groups.

3. striving legalists
Here’s one that’s a little bit more familiar. Call them people who are striving. They’re trying to make it. They don’t quite feel okay, but they want to be okay. The over-achievers, the productive people. They keep working and working, but it’s like that myth where you’re pushing the boulder up the mountain, and just when you think the boulder is almost up there, it comes screaming down on you, and you have to start all over again. That’s the experience of this particular group. ...

My father lived in this group his entire life. My father was a wonderful example of a person who followed Christ. But my father never, ever felt like he did enough. Ever. Depresssion and anxiety were constant companions. He wouldn’t evangelise enough. He wouldn’t save enough people. That was his constant prayer in the home, which is admirable; but the ethos of his life, the feel of his life, was not a feel of joy. The feel of his life was a feel of never being able to measure up to the standards that God had for him, always saying “Lord, next year I’m going to be doing better.” ...

That's a place that I fit into fairly well. There’s not a whole lot of joy there. There is no joy there – just like low-level, low-grade depression all the time. It’s not like you feel like you’re going to die; it’s just like you feel sort of a little bit miserable all the time.

Are you finding any places where you can hang out yet?

We’re assuming that we are legalists. The Scripture is speaking to a universal dimension of the human heart. When we look around the world, we find that every single religion is legalistic. So we are anticipating that we are going to find it as well. We’re also anticipating that we are going to find ourselves in multiple groups. ...

Let me give you a few others if you haven’t found your place of comfort yet.

4. deal making legalists
If you do this, then I’ll do this. ... In other words, “Lord, I will pray extra long this time, if you ...” “I am too bad to be a Christian. I am too bad to be able to go before God. What I have to do, is I have to be able to clean up my life first, and then, I will be able to go before God.” ... It’s deal-making with God. It’s penance. ... Every single religion has its form of penance. I will do this to hurt myself to pay God back for my sin, and then God will somehow be appeased. I fit there.

Some other groups if you haven’t found yourself yet.

5. unsuccessful legalists
They’re not even trying anymore. They know they won’t make it. “I’ve done something too bad and I can never be forgiven.” ... “I just can’t believe that God can forgive me.” … Doesn’t that sound religious? ...

Can you hear the apostle Paul ... starting to seethe? Can you hear him call you names ... ? Can you hear him say, “How dare you minimise the glory of God? How dare you think that the sacrifice of Jesus Christ is just like a bull with a blemish on it? How dare you think such a thing? How dare you?” ...

I’m sure I’ve said it in my own life before: “How could God forgive me for this?” It sounds very religious. It sounds very pious. It sounds very contrite. And it might be on some level. But it is also speaking against the sufficiency of what Christ has done on the cross. It’s saying that there is something beyond the pale of forgiveness. And that is an abomination. …

“I believe God forgives me, but I just can’t forgive myself.” It sounds very pious, but do you see the arrogance in that? Can you see that my judgement ... is higher than the judge of the land? God’s judgement is good, but I haven’t satisfied the highest level of judgement, my own ... and I just can’t forgive myself. You will hear those things in the church all the time. …

6. demanding, angry, accusing legalists
They take the law, and they massage it and shape it and twist it until they have kept the law. … All of a sudden I’m authorised to stand in judgement of the rest of you. That’s what Pharisees do. You just keep shaping the law until finally you’re in and other people are out. … “How dare that person treat me that way? This is what they deserve!” Demanding, angry legalists. …

7. nice legalists.
If that doesn’t get you – and by the way, if you’re really good at this, you see yourself in every one of the groups – if that doesn’t get you, this one definitely will. The nice legalists. The people who can’t say “no”. They’re people you love to have in your church, because whatever you ask them to do, they’ll do it. The people who are overworked. They people who are burnt out. The people who are just plain nice!

What’s the law? The law is “I want you to like me. I want you to think that I’m spiritually okay. ... I want to look as good as possible to you ... ” So what’s the law? What’s the thing that you have to measure up to? Your standards. What you determine is nice and not nice. ...

Have you found yourself within these groups yet?

Here’s what happens. If we have been in the banquet of the king, … we will never last long in this Billy Bob Bar. At some point, the King will come and get us. At some point the King will come. You know how some bars are, they’re dark and a little bit dingy, and everybody looks good when it’s dark and dingy. At some point the lights go on, and all of a sudden you find that you’re in this sort of ugly place, and you’re looking pretty ugly yourself. That’s what happens. ...

It’s familiar, granted. And so there’s something comfortable about it. But is this where you feel like you’re home? We have a God, we have a Spirit who pursues us, who turns the light on when we have been living in darkness, and who calls us back to himself. And that’s called repentance.

Repentance is leaving Billie Bob’s, and moving back into the banquet hall.

Which group(s) do you belong to?

from talk 11 of Ed Welch's Issues in Biblical Counselling; emphases and headings added

images are from Wolfgang Staudt, Keeli Rhiannon, Round America, Backwater Blues Band, Stephen Witherden, evrimsen, Stephen Witherden (again) and Xerones at flickr

Ed Welch on fear

The advance course in fear is this last thing. All I can do is to throw it out to you, and ask you and others to teach me over time.

"I am crucified with Christ, nonetheless I live." I died. There's nothing to lose.

Are you going to take away my life? Well, I've already died! There's nothing you can do to me! You, as an enemy, there is nothing you can do, nothing you can say, because I've already died.

When my worries and fears are kicking up big, the apostle Paul leads me into the advanced course. What does it mean to have been crucified with Christ? It means that there's absolutely nothing to lose. You can't hurt a dead man who's alive. There's nothing you can do to such a person.

So, when you're afraid, die. Die to the opinions of other people. Die to wealth. Die to possessions. Die to reputation. Die to your demand to be loved.

Know this freedom of being able to die with Christ and being able to live with him.

Ed Welch Issues in Biblical Counselling talk 16

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Issues in Biblical Counselling by Ed Welch

I've been listening to a fantastic talk series during the last couple of months: Ed Welch's Issues in Biblical Counselling. It's a 24 talk short course which he gave at the Melbourne PTC.

If you meet one-to-one with other Christians to disciple them, if you're in ministry or Christian leadership, or if you struggle with issues like suffering, anxiety, anger or guilt (don't we all?!) you'll find these talks encouraging and challenging.

Ed Welch talked about

• the nature of biblical counselling and the person
• the 4 staples of counselling - suffering, guilt, anger and fear
• unusual problems - mania, schizophrenia, depression, addictions

Here's some things I learned:

• Christ is the centre of the process of change. We often use the Bible like an encyclopedia of proof texts. If a word ("anorexia", "OCD") isn't there, we assume the Bible doesn't address it; and if a word ("anxiety", "anger") is there, we stick to the "relevant" verses. But the Bible is the story of Christ, and of how God saves and transforms us through the gospel. This bigger story shapes how we respond to every issue - even those the Bible doesn't name. If someone wants help with a problem, don't just look up verses which address or condemn the problem: read passages which reveal Christ and win our hearts. The ultimate solution to every problem is the gospel of Jesus Christ.
• The Bible is sufficient to deal with all sinful behaviours and negative emotions. We often divide people into body, soul/psyche and spirit. The first is treated by doctors, the second by psychologists, and the third by the church. We hand people with issues like depression, addictions and anxiety over to professional counsellors. But if you trace any psychiatric illness back to its historical roots, you'll find that people once turned to the church for help. We can learn from secular counsellors, and medication can relieve symptoms. But God's word and gospel alone can change the heart. God's word is clear - it's not just for scholars - and we'll find our answers here.
• Our behaviour and emotions come from our hearts (although our emotions are also affected by our bodies). With our hearts, our inner selves, we think and believe, and with our hearts, we worship and desire. We can't blame our actions on our circumstances, personality or upbringing: we choose how to respond. Christian counsellors often speak of the person as someone with needs for love and relationship. But our hearts are not so much empty vessels waiting to be filled, as rudders directing us towards what we desire. Our hearts are active not passive.
• The horizontal reveals the vertical. If you see me get angry, or hear me complaining, you learn that I'm ultimately angry or resentful towards God. Our emotions and actions show who has our allegiance, God or Satan. Who do we worship? Who do we trust? Whom will we serve?
• The four staples of counselling are suffering, guilt, anger and fear. We'll have lots to say to anyone who's struggling if we learn how the Bible responds to these four issues. Ed Welch spent hours talking about suffering, specifically about how he would respond to someone who was sexually abused as a child. His two talks on guilt and legalism shook my perfectionism to its core. He called the angry to become like Christ. His talks on anxiety encouraged me deeply.
• Move towards those who are suffering. If there's one thing I took away from these talks, this is it! Those who are suffering are prime targets for Satan's attacks, so even if you feel completely helpless, move towards those who are suffering. Don't ignore them, don't say nothing, don't forget to call. At the very least, say "I'm so sorry." Don't just offer to help, give practical help. If you have nothing to say, listen, and pray with them from God's word. God pursues us, so we should pursue others.
• Aim for self-forgetful love not self-esteem. The gospel is the story of the God who saves unworthy sinners not because there's anything good in us, but because he loves us for his own glory. The gospel doesn't so much encourage us to think better or worse of ourselves as less frequently about ourselves and more about Christ. True humanness is about loving others, not being loved; about glorifying God, not having my needs met.
• Ask the next question. Often, the most useful thing you can do is to ask one more question: "Why do you ...? Did you know that you ...? Do you want to change?" If you seem to be missing the point - if they're looking blank, like you're not taking them with you - stop and ask again, "What am I missing? Is what I'm saying helpful? Help me to understand what you're feeling." Walk beside people, don't stand over them.
• Find the normal in the abnormal. If someone is behaving bizarrely, or is making bizarre claims, treat them like anyone else. Ask ordinary questions: "What's going on here? Why are you doing that? Why do you feel scared?" Look for the person behind the behaviour. Listen for the issues we all struggle with: suffering, guilt, anger and fear. Ed Welch puts the Bible through its paces - is it sufficient to deal with addictions, mania and schizophrenia, and depression? - and shows how God's truth reaches ordinary people struggling with extraordinary problems.
• Christians should have a high tolerance for eccentricity. Have you noticed the space around unusual people in social gatherings? Christians should be moving towards people, not away from them! Ignore the bizarre behaviour unless it stems from deeper issues like anxiety, or leads to sin, then deal with it as you would with any other Christian, by encouraging faith and repentance. If the Bible doesn't address the behaviour, you don't need to either. If it's just odd behaviour that's putting a barrier between the person and others, don't ignore it: give honest advice out of love.
• There is hope for change. A great God is working in us through his powerful gospel by his indwelling Spirit, and he promises that we will one day be glorious creatures who perfectly reflect his glory. We should have boundless optimism for change in ourselves and others. When you see people change, take off your shoes: you are standing on holy ground.

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grace enough just for today

I wrote this at the start of the school holidays. It's for you, if you ever struggle with anxiety and fear about the future. I've included a cluster of quotes about how God gives us grace enough - just for today.

I tell you, do not worry about your life ... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Jesus - Matt 6:25, 27, 33-34

It's school holidays here in Victoria. First term wasn't easy, and I'm tired out. I settled Thomas into his first school year. I led a weekly Bible study. I combined all the usual duties - helping my husband, raising 4 children, caring for our home - with all the usual ministries - blogging, reading, thinking, writing. I felt overwhelmed, even though it was the easiest term of my year. So I've been worrying about next term.

Such strange creatures are we that we probably smart more under blows which never fall upon us than we do under those which do actually come. Charles Spurgeon

Next term, I'm writing a book review for a Christian magazine. I'm writing and leading a woman's seminar. I'm writing and teaching a 10-week Sunday School program. I'm helping out at Thomas' school every Wednesday. It all runs round and round my mind, and I wonder how I'll cope. Which is just the state of mind Satan wants me in:

We want him to be in the maximum uncertainty, so that his mind will be filled with contradictory pictures of the future, every one of which arouses hope or fear. There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human's mind against the Enemy [God]. He wants men to be concerned with what they do; our business is to keep them thinking about what will happen to them. (CS Lewis The Screwtape Letters)

You've probably noticed this is a common pattern for me (and perhaps for you!). I felt the same at the start of last term. However hard I battle worry, I have to battle it again. Always there are things to be feared. Always there are anxieties which threaten to overwhelm me. Always there are 1000 possible futures which loom large in my mind.

[T]he problem with fears that exist only in our imagination is that, since they aren’t real, we must face them alone. God’s grace isn’t available to help us overcome imaginary problems that reside only in our mind. He will help us to put these imagined fears to death, but it’s only in the real world that His power is effective to uphold us in trouble. It’s only when He calls us to actually go through difficult times that His power is present to protect, comfort, and strengthen us. (Elyse Fitzpatrick Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety 46)

Today I listened to a talk on anxiety by Ed Welch, which spoke to my heart and calmed my fears. He was speaking about the verse, "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt 6:34). He compared this to the experience of the Israelites in the wilderness.

Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. ... Each morning everyone gathered as much as he needed, and when the sun grew hot, it melted away. (Exod 16:4, 21)

When God cared for the Israelites, he didn't provide enough manna for more than one day, except on the day before the Sabbath. Those who disobeyed and collected more found that it went bad before morning. Every morning, these hungry desert-wandering nomads woke up with empty hands. Every morning, they opened the tent flaps to see God's miraculous provision - just enough for that day! - lying like snow on the ground.

I wake up in the morning and say, "I can't do it. There's no way I'm going to get through this day." And at the end of the day, ... God gave grace for me to get through the day, and I could never have imagined what that grace would have looked like. ... Fear and anxiety, they live in the future tense. I'm asking you to do the impossible. I'm asking you to move toward the present by faith in Christ. ... So let's ask this question. What is now? What does now look like? What does obedience look like now? What is the grace that you have been given today? (Ed Welch Issues in Biblical Counselling talk 16)

I'd like to be fully prepared for every day of the coming term. I'd like to collect enough trust, enough energy, enough resources, to make it through each day. But that's not what God promises. He promises me grace for every day as it comes. He promises me grace for the present moment, not for 1000 possible moments. He knows what lies ahead, and he'll give me the grace I need exactly when I need it.

"When I was a little girl," I said, "I went to my father and said, "Daddy, I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to be a martyr for Jesus Christ." "Tell me," said Father, "When you take a train trip to Amsterdam, when do I give you the money for the ticket? Three weeks before?" "No, Daddy, you give me the money for the ticket just before we get on the train." "That is right," my father said, "and so it is with God's strength. Our Father in Heaven knows when you will need the strength to be a martyr for Jesus Christ. He will supply all you need – just in time…" (Corrie ten Boon letter)

There will be days this term when I'll go to bed empty, at the end of my tether, with nothing left in reserve for tomorrow. But when I wake up, I know that God's manna will be lying like snow on the ground. As I read his word, he will give me encouragement. As I walk in obedience, he will give me strength. As I struggle - and yes! at times, fail - he will give me grace. That's God's way: he drives us to the end of ourselves so we will find our hope in him.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19

first image is from Cecilia Levy on flickr; others are from stock.xchng

Spurgeon, Welch, Adams & Bridges speak about "the fear of the LORD"

You'll remember that on Monday, I began my definition of "the fear of the LORD" like this:

To fear the LORD is to submit to him as the one true God, with trust, love, worship, honour, service and obedience..

You might be wondering what all this has got to do with "fear", and fair enough. I'll try to answer that question soon.

In the meantime, I thought you might like to know that I'm not alone in defining "the fear of the LORD" like this. Here are some great theologians who say things along the same lines.

Dr. Jay Adams defines the fear of God as “loving and respectful obedience toward Him” (cited by Elyse Fitzpatrick in Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety p. 145).

Charles Spurgeon says, in his sermon Godly fear and its godly consequences,

What is this fear of the Lord? The expression is used in Scripture for all true godliness. It is constantly the short way of expressing real faith, hope, love, holiness of living, and every grace which makes up true godliness.

Dr. Ed Welch, in his very helpful book When People are Big and God is Small, writes

This fear of the Lord means reverent submission that leads to obedience, and it is interchangeable with 'worship', 'rely on', 'trust', and 'hope in' (p. 19).

Like Spurgeon, he goes on to say lots about the attitude of "fear" - but we'll leave that until next week!

And Jerry Bridges, in a fantastic interview with Peter Hastie about The Fear of God which didn't quite make it into The Briefing, says:

Deuteronomy 10:12 links fear, love and obedience together. Moses says to the Israelites: “What does the Lord ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, and to serve the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul?” He brings those three terms—to fear God, to love Him and to serve Him all together in the one passage. And the way the terms are used, it's almost as though they are interchangeable expressions.

Jerry Bridges, by the way, wrote a whole wonderful book called The Joy of Fearing God. It's well worth reading if you want to know about "the fear of the LORD", or if you simply want a bigger, more awe-inspiring view of God.

from one people-pleaser to another (2)

In yesterday's post I introduced Tamar, who struggles with accepting criticism and dealing with conflict. She finds it hard to express her opinion, because she wants people to like her. I talked about what's happening at the level of Tamar's heart - that she believes people are big and God is small - and how Tamar needs a bigger view of God and his grace. Today I talk about how to give her this bigger view of God, and bring it to the level of her experience.

I can help Tamar get a bigger view of God and his grace simply by opening the Bible with her. I'd probably start with the Psalms, because so many Psalms are written by people who fear others, and who are reminding themselves of the goodness and grace of God.

Tamar will learn heaps from the Psalms. She'll learn that God is great, glorious, good and gracious. She'll be reminded how pointless it is to fear people. She'll be given practical skills like how to preach God's truth to herself. Reading the Psalms with her might be all I need to do to begin to address the issue of people-pleasing!

But that could be very esoteric. How do I bring this to the level of Tamar's experience? How do I help Tamar change how she thinks, feels and behaves?

One helpful thing to do might be to encourage Tamar to become more aware of her thoughts. When she's in a situation where she feels scared of criticism or is trying to please someone, I'd encourage her to notice - perhaps even to write down - exactly what she is thinking at that moment. It might be as simple as "I need people to like me".

I'd try to teach her to replace these thoughts with more helpful ways of thinking: to think God's thoughts after him. Martyn Lloyd-Jones says "we must talk to ourselves instead of allowing ‘ourselves’ to talk to us." Tamar needs to learn to speak God's truth to herself (Jn 8:31-32, Rom 12:1-2, Phil 4:8, Col 3:1-2, Heb 12:2-3).

So instead of "I need people to like me", she might say to herself, "It doesn't matter what people think of me. What matters is what God thinks of me, and he already loves and accepts me because Jesus died for me on the cross." I'd also encourage her to learn some Bible verses to think about when she's tempted to think unhelpful thoughts.

Over time, I know from my experience that this will change how she thinks and even how she feels. It will be a slow process, but God's truth does set us free (Jn 8:31-32).

I would also help her to start changing her behaviour. When we reach out to others in love, it helps us to become less focussed on ourselves and on how other people make us feel. Perhaps I'd give her simple challenges each week:

1. to serve someone at church in a way she finds scary
2. to say what she thinks even when it's hard
3. to ask for feedback when she does something

Sometimes acting out of what we say we believe, even when we don't feel it, can help us to trust God, because we see that he's there for us, and that the world doesn't fall apart, even when we do hard and loving things.

Finally, I'd be praying heaps with and for Tamar, because ultimately only God can change our hearts. We'd repent together of our excessive desires for the approval of others. We'd ask God to help us care more about pleasing him than pleasing people. We'd ask God to give us a bigger view of him and his grace, so that we'd be free not to worry about what people think of us, but to love them.

If I was to work through a book with Tamar (which would be an excellent option!) I'd choose from these (in order of recommendation):
Tim Chester You Can Change - helpful for just about any issue!
Edward T. Welch When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man
Lou Priolo Pleasing People: How Not to be an "Approval Junkie"

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