what I'm reading: wounded but not wasted

I thought there could be no worthy successor to JI Packer's Knowing God to feed my soul this year. I was wrong.

On a Friday morning, sitting under the oak trees outside my favourite cafe, I can't wait to open Tim Chester's The Ordinary Hero.

Here's a favourite quote-within-a-quote:

We should avoid, not a wounded life, says John Piper, but a wasted life ...

Too often, we can't quite lay hold of the treasure of Christ with both hands because we're still clinging to the baubles of this world ...

Piper again:

What a tragic waste when people turn away from the Calvary road of love and suffering. All the riches of the glory of God in Christ are on that road. All the sweetest fellowship with Jesus is there. All the treasures of assurance. All the ecstasies of joy. All the clearest sightings of eternity. All the noblest camaraderie. All the humblest affections. All the most tender acts of forgiving kindness. All the deepest discoveries of God’s Word. All the most earnest prayers. They are all on the Calvary road where Jesus walks with his people. Take up your cross and follow Jesus. On this road, and this road alone, life is Christ and death is gain. Life on every other road is wasted.

Tim Chester The Ordinary Hero 77, quoting John Piper Don't Waste Your Life 76.

what I'm reading: the smile of God

How do you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus? (Col 3:1-4) Here's one way I do it.

Every year I read one or two books about God's character or the cross. I do this on my mornings off, sitting in a cafe, sipping my spiced chai.

I recently read Knowing God. Finishing the last page was bittersweet. I wondered what I could possibly replace it with.

Then I remembered Tim Chester's The ordinary hero. It's been on my shelf for a while, waiting for an opportunity. I'm 4 chapters in, and loving it.

Here's a bit that spoke to me. It's for anyone who trusts in Jesus:

God doesn't merely tolerate you. In Christ he smiles upon you as a Father ...
 
Why should we think that God would abandon us when he's already given us his Son? Why should we think there's any limit to his love when he's already given what was most precious to him? ...

You're not made right with God by what you do. You don't do it in the first place, so why suppose you could undo it! ... Perhaps this is the ultimate humiliation. Not only can we not contribute to our salvation; we can't even wreck our salvation. But who cares? ...

Our heavenly Father is not a stern father who needs to be placated by his Son. Maybe your human father was like that. Stern. Distant. Maybe you approached him hesitantly or reluctantly. But your divine Father isn't like that. The Son's actions are the outflow of the Father's love. ...

The Son didn't placate God to make him favourably disposed to us. No, it's the other way round. The work of the Son starts with the love of the Father. ...

God doesn't merely tolerate us. He delights in us. We make him sing for joy (Zeph 3:17) ...

When you look into the face of God, what do you see? Do you see a frown? Do you see a judge? A schoolmaster? Or do you see a smile?

In Christ, God smiles upon us. Who can resist that smile?

Tim Chester The ordinary hero 39-46.

what's the point of marriage (5) conclusion: the three colours of marriage

When I was six, I had a book that seemed like magic. Each page had two line drawings printed on top of each other. Seen together, the two images looked like a mess. But at the back of the book were sheets of translucent red and green plastic. When you folded them over the images, two pictures sprang to life in turn. An egg hatched into a chicken. Tadpoles turned into frogs. A puppy grew into a dog.

Reading three books on marriage has been a bit like that. Marriage is a complex and mysterious thing. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish its contours through the mess on the page. But viewed through a different colour—as a mirror of the divine marriage, a spiritual friendship, or a partnership of service—it shines with a different light.

So what is marriage for? I started by arguing that one, overall goal would be more helpful than the three traditional goals for marriage. Yet we are still left with three goals, looking in three directions:

• Marriage looks upward—its purpose is to display God’s glory by presenting a picture of the covenant between Christ and the church. 
• Marriage looks inward—its purpose is spiritual friendship leading to holiness, as husband and wife partner each other on the journey to glory.
• Marriage looks outward—its purpose is to serve God in partnership as we rule and care for his world and make Jesus known. 

It would be neat and satisfying to conclude this article by pointing at a goal and saying ‘that one’, but I can’t. I suspect the Bible’s teaching on marriage is so richly textured that it can sustain all three. And I think they’re in the right order: marriage should first be God-directed, then characterized by faithful love and joyful intimacy (Deut 24:5), and then, if it’s not to become insular and selfish, pour itself out in loving service.1

Marriage looks upward, inward, and outward. Like a three-legged stool, if it lacks a leg it will stumble and fall. Yet ultimately marriage looks forward, to the day when our small marriages will be swallowed up by a greater one. For marriage is a temporary permanence, a life-long bond that draws its final breath only when we do. As we step into eternity, all the purposes of marriage will find their end in Christ. And so I give the final words to John Piper:

Marriage… is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short… Very soon the shadow will give way to Reality. The partial will pass into the Perfect. The foretaste will lead to the Banquet. The troubled path will end in Paradise. A hundred candle-lit evenings will come to their consummation in the marriage supper of the Lamb. And this momentary marriage will be swallowed up by Life. Christ will be all and in all. And the purpose of marriage will be complete.2

You can read the rest of this article at The Briefing.

1. A useful workbook to help couples put the three together is Tim Chester’s Gospel-Centered Marriage.
2. Piper, This Momentary Marriage, p. 178.

why women should read more theology (what I'm reading: Tony Reinke's Lit!)

Do you find it easy, or hard, to read books? Either way, this one's for you.

Top of the list of books I've read recently is Tony Reinke's Lit! A Christian Guide to Reading Books. I'm an avid reader, and I learned heaps about what and how to read. If you struggle to read, I suspect you'll find this book even more helpful.

Maybe you want to read more, but don't know where to start. Maybe you love books, but your reading feels a little aimless. Reinke covers it all, first with a great theology of books, then with a whole heap of practical tips about how to choose and read books.

This week I've chosen a quote that encourages women to read theological books about Jesus. Next week, I'll go for the other end of the scale, and share something about why we should read novels. Just so you can't say I've left anything - or anyone - out!

Theologically weighty books about Christ are essential for the soul—for men and women. And although women purchase the majority of books released by Christian publishers, women are far less likely to read theological books, writes counselor and author Elyse Fitzpatrick. In her 2003 evaluation of the Christian publishing industry, she writes, “Many women are intimidated by the thought of studying something that is ‘theological’ in nature. They are afraid of being bored, looking foolish, becoming unattractive to men, or becoming divisive.”...

She confronts women who would rather read only novels as a way to escape personal disappointments, and who read these books to “build fantasy castles filled with knights on white steeds who will come to rescue her from her mundane, stressful, empty, or disappointing life.” Rather, she offers this challenge: “Let’s become known as a generation of women who delight in, tremble before, receive counsel from, drink, devour, digest, muse upon, and absolutely cherish God and the truth that He’s revealed about Himself and about ourselves. Let’s not worry about whether we look dumb or too smart.”...

If women commit to reading books of solid theology, their knowledge of Christ will grow..."This is the most delightful pursuit any woman could ever know."

(And who should you read? Reinke suggests, among others, John Calvin, Martin Luther, Jonathon Edwards, John Owen, JI Packer, Don Carson, John Stott, John Piper and CH Mahaney. On the topic of Christ, I'd add Tim Chester and Tim Keller. A good place to start is John Stott's The Cross of Christ and Tim Keller's King's Cross - or how about this one, which I haven't read, but it's by The Don, and that's all the recommendation I need: Don Carson's Scandalous: The cross and resurrection of Jesus.)

Quote is from Tony Reinke Lit! A Christian Guide to Reading Books pages 96-97.

online meanderings - ordinariness, self-image, suffering and other stuff

This week, I enjoyed

Singleness and searching for your "mythos" - Another bittersweet post by Ali. *sigh* I could read her all day.

How can I love seven billion neighbours? - part 1 and part 2 - Really helpful stuff from Tim Chester.

Reality "snapshot" of mission teams - A fascinating description of the good and bad of mission teams by Steve (see also 10 things to remember after a Summer mission trip). HT Justin Taylor.

I was encouraged by

Nine good purposes in our suffering - Rebecca shares some reflections on the purpose in suffering.

An ordinary podcast - Feeling ordinary? "God’s will for me, and indeed for most of us, is to be extraordinarily ordinary." Challies.

Jesus chooses and uses failures - Feeling like a failure? A beautiful post by Jon Bloom.

Concept of self - A helpful post from Rachael on self-image and beauty.

I was challenged by

A heart of hospitality - "We practice hospitality because we have first received hospitality." Sounds about right to me! From Nicole.

Wealth, privacy, relationships - Cathy talks about the link between wealth and community.

A passing thought on receiving criticism from Dane (HT Challies)

Darrin Patrick on being and building men -"When you become a leader...you plug your life into an amplifier and everyone hears it." "You have to have some guys who aren’t impressed with you. You need elders who tell you no." Shared by Jonathon Parnell.

and I'd now like to

watch this free online production of Hamlet that finally makes sense, says Justin Taylor

give to my kids - and read myself - this history of the whole world recommended by Justin Taylor

regularly read the The Journal of Biblical Counselling, now free online

check out the bookish blog Sarah's postcardsnaps (thanks Jenny)

read along with the series Gospel-centred Life: "This month is a little different for EQUIP bookclub as we’re looking at three books instead of one. While we’ll focus on Gospel-centred Life, we’ll also be road-testing Gospel-centred Family and having a brief look at Gospel-centred Marriage." Fantastic, short, very readable books. Bring it on!

5 books that changed who I am (5) late 30s

As I continue with this meme about books that have changed me, it seems appropriate to mention a book about change...

(5) late 30s - change and grace
Thirty-five, still battling perfectionism, and still struggling to obey God from a legalistic heart. Increasingly, I felt fearful and on edge; I was battling mild depression; I was struggling with people-pleasing and ambition; and my anxious busyness had driven me to the edge of burnout. So many books helped me through this time; but one (besides the Bible) stands head and shoulders above the rest. Yep, you guessed it...

Tim Chester's You Can Change brought me to the foot of the cross, giving me a new joy in God's grace and a new motivation to change. He showed me my heart - the idols of people-pleasing and perfection, and the false beliefs that caused my anxiety and discouragement - and helped me to turn to God's glory and grace. So much heart-change in one book! You may remember that I blogged through it here.

Runners up: Martyn Lloyd Jones Spiritual Depression, Tim Chester The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness (which I blogged through here), John Piper When I Don't Desire God, Elyse Fitzpatrick Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety, Paul Tripp Lost in the Middle, and anything and everything by Ed Welch, particularly Lost in the Middle: Midlife and the Grace of God, which I'd recommend to anyone of any age.

Which books have helped you to change? Tell us here.

what I'm reading: when I'm still not changing from You Can Change

Have you read You Can Change and you're still not changing? Do you keep falling back into sin? Do you wonder why you've plateaued in your growth?

Tim Chester says we can plateau for a couple of reasons: we stop fighting sin once we get rid of the obvious sins of behaviour, but never confront the more subtle sins of the heart; or we only think we've plateaued, because as we grow in godliness, the more subtle sins of the heart become clearer to us (I can testify to that!).

We might also stop growing because we're missing something. Here's Chester's summary of the steps in You Can Change, which I thought would be good revision for us all:

1. Keep returning to the cross to see your sin cancelled and to draw near to God in full assurance of welcome.
2. Keep looking to God instead of to sin for satisfaction, focusing on the four liberating truths of God's greatness, glory, goodness and grace.
3. Cut off, throw off, put off, kill off everything that might strengthen or provoke sinful desires.
4. Bring sin into the light through regular accountability to another Christian.

If you resist doing these four things, and we often resist numbers 3 and 4, it's a sign that you still treasure sin in your heart: sin is still more important to you than God. Turn to God in repentance, reflect on sin's consequences, meditate on the all-surpassing glory of Christ, and beg God to give you a love for him that eclipses your love for sin.

It's scary, isn't it, how much we resist true change! Let's keep fighting, and praying for God to help us love him more than we love sin.

how we change (13) a lifetime of change

What do you expect when you pick up a book like You Can Change? Two years ago, when I started reading, I hoped that certain sinful patterns would be broken.

I chose a "change project" I'd been avoiding for years: perfectionism. As I read and worked through the exercises, I thought about self-improvement and proving myself, changing from the heart, grace and legalism, false beliefs and idols, choices and obstacles to change, disciplines and accountability. By the end of the book I'd made some breakthroughs.

It's over a year later, and where am I at? Still fighting perfectionism, that's where! Like all temptations, it's powerful, and it hasn't lessened with time. I have a better understanding of why I struggle and how to fight. Best of all, I've learned to flee to the cross. But I haven't found victory. Every day, I take up my weapons and fight again.

Which is why the final chapter of You Can Change is a great way to finish the book. In it, Chester reminds us that, like a puppy at Christmas, change isn't for a day - it's for a lifetime. "It's a marathon, not a sprint." My sinful nature won't die until the day I die. Until then, every day, every moment, I'll be fighting. There are no days off in this war.

Once, when I found change this hard, I would have despaired. I would have tried a thousand sets of rules and resolutions, and despaired as I watched each one fail. I would have given up, because if I'm not going to change, then why bother? I needed a new motivation for change (grace, not proving myself); a new way to change (grace, not rules); and a new hope for change (grace, not willpower).

Which brings me to the other reason I love the last chapter of You Can Change. It doesn't just remind us that change takes a lifetime; it reminds us that we can change, for we have God's grace. There are two images of God's grace that stay with me from my time reading this book:

• An image of God's grace surrounding and upholding me like an over-soft mattress (like our rather old mattress, in fact). I'll never forget the night I lay in bed and realised, more deeply than ever before, that I can't do anything to earn or change God's grace: I can only rest in it.
• An image of a stone rolling downhill. Chester pointed out, back in chapter 3, that change is less like pushing a boulder uphill and more like a boulder rolling downhill. It's harder to stop change than to keep in step with how God is changing me! Change is irrevocable and inevitable, for God's purposes don't fail.

Change is slow, it's up-and-down, and sometimes I can't see it; but it's happening, because God's grace forgives and transforms me. I'll never stop sinning during this life. Every day, I fight for faith and repentance all over again. But God has given me everything I need to change. However often and terribly I fail, I needn't despair. I can change, because God is changing me.

We needn't and shouldn't despair...Sin is never the last word for the children of God. Grace is always the last word...There is hope for change. That hope is not in counsellors or methods or rules. That hope is a great and gracious Saviour who has broken the power of sin and placed his lifegiving Spirit in our hearts.

Amen.

images are from stock.xchng

what I'm reading: honesty and accountability from You Can Change

Here's some really helpful words from Tim Chester about honesty, accountability, and how to respond when someone tells you about their sin. Pure gold!

I need people who regularly ask me about my walk with God, who readily challenge my behaviour, and know about my temptations. I need my friend Samuel, who often asks: 'What's the question you don't want me to ask you?'

There are some sins that thrive on secrecy. They include sins of escape: things we do when we're feeling under pressure, such as sexual fantasies, pornography, compulsive eating and addictions. They include sins of the mind: things such as bitterness, envy, jealousy and complaining. We can become very adept at hiding them. But hiding them feeds them. You feel bad about yourself, so you eat compulsively. You eat compulsively, so you feel bad about yourself...The fear of exposure means you withdraw from the Christian community or learn to pretend. But withdrawal and pretence cut you off from the help of the community.

One thing we've learned in our church is that change takes place only when these sins come out into the open. It's difficult, but confession to another Christian will be a big step forward. You don't need to tell everyone! But do tell someone.

What should you do if someone confesses their sin to you? Speak the truth in love. Don't tell them their sin is understandable or insignificant. That offers no comfort because it's a lie. But we can speak words of comfort because we can speak words of grace. Call them to repent of their sin and accept by faith the forgiveness that God offers....Embody that forgiveness in your ongoing acceptance and love...Explore, if you can, the lies and desires that lead to their sinful behaviour...Be proactive about offering accountability. That means asking the question! Ask them how they're getting on; ask them whether they've sinned again. Be specific: ask when, where, why, how often. Above all, point them to the grace and glory of Christ.

Tim Chester You Can Change 175-6 my emphases.

image is from stock.xchng

how we change (12) supporting each other

I often think of change as a solo effort. I change by examining my heart and filling my mind with God's truth and growing my faith and practising my repentance.

But change isn't something I do on my own. Change happens in the community of God's people. It happens as we speak the truth in love to each other (Eph 4:15, 29). It happens as, together, we grow into a community which displays the likeness of Christ.

The church is a better place for change than a therapy group, a counsellor's office or a retreat centre.

Here are four things I've found help me change in community.

1. Be honest about your sin.

Sin thrives on secrecy. The most stubborn sins are the ones no-one sees: self-pitying thoughts; harsh words behind closed doors; things we do to escape. But sin isn't meant to be kept private. God says, "confess your sins to each other and pray for each other" (Jam 5:16).

When we hide our sin, we cut ourselves off from encouragement, accountability and prayer. It's a vicious cycle, because when we keep silent, others keep silent too. Everyone assumes everyone else has it together, and we feel defeated, isolated and ashamed. "You don't have to tell everyone. But tell someone."

I love honesty, but I've learned the hard way that it must be helpful. Only tell others about your sin when it's loving and won't lead them astray. “Tell everyone you struggle; tell some people what you’re struggling with.” Confession is better upwards or sideways than downwards: confess to a mature Christian, not a young Christian.

When I feel too embarrassed to tell anyone about my sin, I remember God's words: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to [wo]man" (1 Cor 10:13). In my experience, mature Christian women welcome honesty and are eager to help me fight sin. A little embarrassment is worth it if it helps me change!

2. Seek accountability.

I have two friends I can count on to ask me the hard questions. When we get together, we ask each other, "How's your prayer life going? Are you loving your husband sexually? What about that sin I know you struggle with?" We don't gossip, but we do talk honestly and encourage one another. We've agreed to SMS each other to pray during times of temptation.

If you struggle in a particular way, seek out a mature Christian, tell them the details of your sin, and ask for their advice and prayer. Give them permission to ask the hard questions - often! Organise to call or text them the moment you're tempted so they can pray for you.

3. Speak the truth and accept it from others.

How do you respond when someone tells you about their sin? Too often, I make light of it. "You think that's bad? You should have heard me the other day!" "Yeah, we all do that." "That sounds really hard!" We can be great at sympathy, but not so good at speaking the truth in love (Eph 4:15).

When someone tells me about their sin, it's important not to play it down. I find it helpful to talk about how God has helped me with a similar sin. When possible, I ask about when they struggle and what lies and desires drive their sin, work out some practical strategies, pray for them, and follow up on the conversation later - and always, always, give them God's grace.

And if someone rebukes me, I'm learning not to laugh or shrug it off, but to listen with a humble heart. Even if their criticism is wrong, there's probably some truth in it. I pray about it and, if they're right, repent.

4. Be part of an honest community.

Christians can be very good at pretending. It's easy to look around your church and think everyone else has it together. No wonder messed-up, broken people don't feel at home there! I love Chester's concept of church: a messy place full of broken people who are open about their struggles.

What if my church isn't like this? I can't change anyone else, but I can change me! Maybe after the service when someone asks how I am, I can talk about my struggle with impatience. Maybe during my next small group I can confess the discontent I've been battling. Maybe I can phone someone and ask them to pray for me when I'm tempted to impurity. If I'm more open, it will help others to be more open too.

Have you got any other ideas? How does the community of God's people help us to change? Have you told a mature Christian about the sin you're struggling with? What's one step you could take to seek help from other Christians as you battle sin?

Quotes and ideas are from chapter 8 of Tim Chester's You Can Change; final quote is from Chester Captured by a Better Vision 120.

images are from stock.xchng and from ShaZ Ni, rocket ship, lanuiop and Andrew Kirkley at flickr

what I'm reading: busyness and pleasing people from The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

Have you ever wanted to say 'No', but said 'Yes'?...

Remember: God does not expect me to do more than I can do. So if we are doing more than we can to meet other people's expectations then we're saying other people's approval matters more to me than God's. We crave their approval or fear their rejection...

The Bible's term for this is 'fear of man'... When we can't say 'No' we fear other people more than we fear God...If you are busy trying to meet other people's expectations then you have made other people your god and saviour...

The answer is to repent of our idolatry and turn to God. We need a big view of God...The fear of God...is liberating because it sets us free from every other fear...Fearing God sets us free from the frantic busyness that is driven by the desire to please others...

We still serve other people. That's why we've been set free (Galatians 5:13)...But we're not enslaved by them. We don't serve them for what they can give us in return - approval, affection, security or whatever. We serve them for Christ's sake...

When people are disappointed in us we need to able to say to God: 'I'm sorry they're disappointed, but it doesn't matter because I've done what you expect of me.'...Your boss may be fearsome. They may be a bully. But they're not bigger than God.

From chapter 8 of Tim Chesters The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness; second two emphases are mine.

image is from Plastic_Bat at flickr

what I'm reading: exhausted motherhood from The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

My mum recently looked after my 3 year old nephew and 6 year old niece for 2 weeks while their parents were away. She loved having them stay, but she was also reminded of how tiring the care of young children can be.

"It's so busy!"
"It's only 9:00 in the morning, and I feel like I've done half a day's hard work!"
"It's hard to find 5 minutes to myself!"
"The shower has become my refuge!"
"I'm glad I was young when I had children!"
"I've forgotten what silence sounds like!"
"I don't know how you do it!"

Music to my ears!

Her words reminded me that, however much we love and enjoy our children - as she does her grandchildren, raising young kids is hard work. It's exhausting. It's relentless. It's noisy and chaotic.

It's not just me! That's how it is, and it's okay.

Tim Chester says,

Parents of young children live life in a blur for a few years. ... One mother of three said to me: 'I found it so helpful to realize that this was the way my life was.' That's biblical realism and it's liberating. She didn't have to strive to live the perfect life portrayed in the glossy magazines. I remember when our younger child was about five. I felt strange, but couldn't figure out why. After a few days I finally twigged what it was: I didn't feel tired. For eight or so years, while our daughters were young, we had broken nights interspersed by energy-sapping days of childcare. Mind-numbing tiredness had become so normal that not feeling tired was weird. That's the way it is. Get used to it. And don't worry about it. ... This is the life God has given you - and he is always wise and always good.

Tim Chester The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness 79, 159

image is from sosij at flickr

what I'm reading: busyness and identity from The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

These words transformed my view of myself in relation to work, and inspired last week's post on busyness and identity.

Tim Chester says that when we work to find our identity, we can never be busy enough, because "the project of the self is never complete". But when we find our identity in Jesus, we can look to the cross and hear him proclaim, "It is finished!".

Today people find identity through work itself. We answer the question, 'What do you do?' with a job title. ... 'We don't want to rest ... because our identities are rooted in activity and accomplishment.' ... We're busy, busy, busy because we're trying to serve a god who cannot be placated. ...

The value of work is measured by the sense of self-fulfilment it brings. Work is judged not by the service it renders to others, but by the service it renders to me, the worker. ...

We have made work an idol ... offering salvation (identity and fulfilment) .... 'There is no resting-point: the project of the self is never complete, and is always riddled with anxiety and insecurities.' ... Busyness is a sign of virtue and value. Busyness is next to godliness. ... Overwork is a sign of status. ...

Jesus offers rest from the burden of self-justification. We are accepted by God. This is how we find meaning and value. At the most fundamental level, Tim Chester is a justified sinner. I'm not fundamentally a writer, or preacher, or even a husband and father. I am a sinner saved by grace and all I contribute to the identity is the sin bit. ... This is who I am. And it's a gift. I don't need to earn it. ...

Jesus has sat down (Hebrews 10:11-12). He has done all that is required. So we can sit down as well. ... Our often strained and frenetic forms of Christian life are witness to how much we need to affirm again with Jesus, ... "It is finished!"

From Tim Chester The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness 90-96; the quotes within the text are from Robert Banks and Beverly Shepherd; emphases mine.

image is from stock.xchng

what I'm reading: slow down from The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

Here's another Tim Chester quote that I love. It's about slowing down and making time to say hello to lamposts - that is, time for joy and relationships.

'Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last,' sang Paul Simon. So many things can be a pleasure if you take your time.

Consider a visit to the shops. We're so conditioned to rush that every stage is fraught with tension. We drive as fast as we can, get impatient at traffic lights, take every opportunity to overtake. We're disappointed if we can't park near the entrance, and once inside we're frustrated by slow trolleys and slow trolley drivers. We get cross about long checkout queues and slow checkout assistants. The whole experience is a strain. And what have we gained? A couple of minutes at the most - plus an ulcer. Most of the time, if you exceed the speed limit you only end up waiting longer at the next set of traffic lights.

But what if you take your time, laugh at other frenetic drivers busy going nowhere, give way to irate trolley drivers, talk to other customers? Or what if you walk to your local shops, chat to shop staff, admire other people's gardens, listen out for birdsong, take a detour through the park? You may lose a few minutes from your schedule, but you will gain half an hour of pleasure. You know it makes sense! But we don't do it because deep in our hearts we are wired for speed. We are driven people.

Tim Chester The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness 79

image is from flo_thackray at flickr

what I'm reading: busyness and stress from Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

Last week I wrote about busyness, time and urgency. Much of what I said was based on Tim Chester's wise words in The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness.

I love what Chester says in this quote, about about what happens when we try to do more (maybe just a little more!) than we can.

God doesn't make mistakes. Twenty-four-hour days were part of the world God declared very good. The problem is not that there isn't enough time ... The problem is we're trying to do too much. We haven't come to terms with the fact that we are finite and limited.

People do not feel stressed simply because they have lot on. Most of us enjoy doing lots of things. We only feel busy when we try to do ... that little bit more than is possible. ... What happens when we find ourselves trying to do more than we can? We not only get stressed about the extra demands that have tipped us over. We feel stressed about everything we have to do.

I remember talking to a young woman who felt her whole life was full of stress. 'I feel like running away,' she told me. Other people looking on might have wondered what the problem was. Her life wasn't crammed with activities. But it only took a few things beyond what she could cope with to make her feel everything was impossible. ...

We need to learn that we have limitations and not to be afraid to admit these to ourselves or others. Some of these limitations are to do with time, others are to do with our physical and emotional capacity. ...

So here's a foundational truth for what follows: God does not expect me to do more than I can. ...

From Tim Chester The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness pp. 77-79 (I've changed the order of the last two paragraphs).

image is by out_of_rhythm from flickr

busyness, burnout and the grace of God (3a) time and urgency

October 2007. I'm running out of time. When I think of it, I get a panicky feeling in my gut. I'm nearly 40 years old, and what have I got to show for it? Study, marriage, a few short years' ministry, and 4 children, the youngest not at school yet. I know marriage and motherhood are of immense value, but I don't feel it. I feel the years pressing in on me. If I don't get started on ministry outside the home - soon! - I'll run out of time.

I get too busy when I ... forget that God always gives me enough time.

What I was thinking. "I want to make the most of my life. I want to do something significant, something I can be remembered by. I don't have time to rest. I need to use every moment. I'm running out of time."

What I'm learning.*
1. There's always enough time to do the work God gives me to do.
I sometimes think, "If there were 8 days in a week, I'd be able to get everything done!". But God doesn't make mistakes. When I try to do more than I can in the time I have, with the physical and emotional resources I'm given, I'm not trusting God. But when I do what I can then rest, I show I trust God to take care of the things I can't do, and to give me enough time to do the things he wants me to do. These days, when I rest, it's a deliberate act of trust that God will always give me enough time.

2. Using time well isn't about filling every moment, but about serving God faithfully.
God made days: hours, minutes and seconds are human inventions.* I often feel like I have to pack something useful into every moment. It's even better if I can multitask, and do 2 or 3 things at once! A good day is one where I complete my to-do list (I never do). But when God asks me to "make the best use of the time" he's not telling me to maximise my time, pack as much as I can into every moment, or tick everything off my list, but to live appropriately during these last days: to take up the opportunities I'm given to serve Christ and share him with others (Eph 5:15-16, Col 4:5-6).*

3. Serving God means slowing down and making time for relationships.
I'm learning - gradually! - to not always be in a hurry: to give up my anxiety about being stuck in a slow supermarket queue, to walk slowly with my 3 year old and give him time to explore, to keep a free morning for people who need to talk. Relationships take time, and relationships are where I serve and share Jesus. And as I slow down, I remember to enjoy and thank God for the blessings of his world.

4. God has made us to need time for rest.
My need for rest and sleep is one of the things which keeps me humble and reminds me that I'm not God. I'm tempted to ignore my need for weekly rest and save all my rest for holidays: a pattern which I've found results in exhaustion and burnout. For workaholics like me, rest is one of the hardest things, because work feels productive, enjoyable and even "restful". I'm learning that I need to take a day off a week, even from the work I enjoy: writing. It's early days yet, but I'm already feeling more rested, with more energy to love the people around me.

5. Jesus finished the work God gave him to do, and he didn't do everything.
Jesus was able to say that he finished his work (Jn 17:4), not because he healed or taught every person during his short life, but because he was faithful to the work God gave him to do.* I can't do everything (although I'd like to believe it's possible!). But I can, with God's help, faithfully do his work: the work of serving Jesus and making him known. At the end of today, I won't have ticked everything off my to-do list. At the end of my life, I won't have ticked everything off my want-to-do list! But if I've served Jesus faithfully, I will have done everything that needs to be done, and I can say with Paul, "I have finished the race" (2 Tim 4:7).

This post on busyness and time is already too long, so I'll continue with the last few points next week!

*These insights come from Tim Chester The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness chapters 4, 5 and 12. So this post is really an extended meditation on Chester's book, which I found profoundly helpful as I reflected on the topic of time.

images are by aussiegall, Rhobbert van der Steeg, visuallegedanke and Range of Light at flickr

The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness: book review

I've been thinking a lot about busyness (which won't surprise you if you've been reading this blog recently!). The last 2 years have been unusually busy, even for this mother of 4, and I've been feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

As always, I'm convinced that the solution must lie between the pages of a book. So I was excited when I came across The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness by Tim Chester, one of my favourite authors.

Tim Chester says that both work and leisure are worshipped in our society (take your pick depending on whether you tend towards workaholism or laziness!). We're driven people, because we find meaning through work. But our meaning doesn't come from work or rest. God wants us to work hard, but also to take regular days of rest. Neither work nor rest is an end in itself: both are for God's glory.

What I love best about The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness is that, like all Tim Chester's books, it gets below surface issues to what's going on in our hearts. Yes, he does talk about time-management (briefly) and about distinguishing the urgent from the important (although he gives this a gospel spin). But his main point is that over-busyness comes from our hearts: from the lies we believe and the idols we serve.

Here are Tim Chester's "four key steps to addressing busyness", from least to most important.

Step One: Use your time efficiently. There's some good time-management principles in chapter 3.

Step Two: Sort out your priorities. I often feel like I'll never get everything done. So I was encouraged by Chester's reminder in chapter 4 that both Jesus and Paul finished their work, not because they healed or taught everyone, but because they were faithful to the work God gave them to do. The work God gives us to do is to make Jesus known. Instead of giving God our leftover time, Chester shows how to structure our lives around this central priority.

Step Three: Glorify God all the time. Life is often a battle between competing responsibilities: family, friends, church, non-Christian neighbours, work, ministry. That's partly because, Chester says, we see ministry as an added extra we need to fit into our lives. But every aspect of life, including work and raising a family, is about glorifying God by making Christ known. Ordinary life is ministry! (There's an excellent theology of work and motherhood in chapter 5.)

Step Four: Identify the desires of your heart that make you try to do more than God expects of you. Busyness isn't the problem: the problem is my heart. God always gives me enough time to do what he wants me to do. I feel stressed because I try to do more (perhaps just a little more!) than I have time for. And why do I try to do more than God wants, more than I can? Maybe because I'm a slave to one of these idols:

• I'm busy because I need to prove myself. I often find my identity through what I do and achieve. But when Jesus died for me, he freed me from the need to work to justify myself and give my life meaning. I can rest in his grace.
• I'm busy because of other people's expectations. I'm guilty of this. I don't want to disappoint people, so I say "yes" when I should say "no". The solution, of course, is to fear God more than I fear people: to do everything for an audience of One.
• I'm busy because otherwise things get out of control. I'm prone to two versions of this. I feel like life might spiral out of control if I don't work constantly; and I'm driven by the idea that people need me. It's God who controls my life and meets people's needs, not me.
• I'm busy because I prefer being under pressure. This was something I was blissfully unaware of until I read this book: that work can be an escape from the chaos of life and relationships! When I run to work for comfort, I'm forgetting that God is my refuge.
• I'm busy because I need the money. I don't make any money from my busyness! But I was still challenged by Chester's helpful discussion of consumerism, and his encouragement to "downsize".
• I'm busy because I want to make the most of life. I'm haunted by the fear that I'll run out of time to do all I want to do. But I don't need to race around doing everything during this short life: I can put my hope in eternity. My significance comes not from my life's achievements, but from being part of God's saving plan.

Life is busy, and no book will change that - nor should it! God wants me to pour myself out, to work hard for him and his kingdom (Phil 2:17, 2 Thess 3:8-9). But when I've done what I can, God wants me to stop and rest in him. I can be free from the frenetic over-busyness that comes from pursuing idols like control and achievement. For in the end it's not about how busy I am, but about my heart:

Neither doing more nor doing less is really the answer. ... If I'm busy because I feel the pressure to prove myself, neither doing more nor doing less will help. ... Only the truth sets us free. ... Christians should be busy people. ... But we can find rest in our busyness and joy in our labour. We are busy, but we can be free from the drivenness that makes busyness a burden.

Amen.

images are from drinksmachine and Stephen Poff at flickr

what I'm reading: are holidays Christian? from Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

Tim Chester once received a brochure in a Christian magazine. Inside were photos of exhausted family members struggling with homemaking, work and filling the church roster(!). The answer to busyness? An expensive Christian holiday in France! As Chester says, "This was clearly only an answer for wealthy people."

Like my friend Gordo, Chester's not keen on the idea of holidays. He says we've replaced God's pattern of weekly rest with an unhealthy pattern of "binge resting" and retirement.

I'm not completely convinced: what about the Old Testament festivals? God's people were commanded to rest not only on the weekly Sabbath, but also at regular times throughout the year, and even every seventh year (long-service leave?! See my post on special days). But I do agree that many of us (including me!) need to re-learn how to take weekly days of rest.

What do you think? Are holidays Christian?

Holidays are a recent thing. ... It's only in the past hundred years that most people have received paid leave. Legislation enforcing one week's paid annual holiday was introduced in 1936. When people say they need a holiday they should remember the generations who never had a holiday - at least, not in the sense of a week away.

Our society has adopted a pattern of 48 weeks of work and four weeks of rest. We overwork for most of the year and then 'binge rest' for four weeks. But this was not the pattern for which we were made. We 'need' our holidays because our normal lives are so out of balance. The sustainable answer is not an annual holiday, but to get back to a biblical pattern of work and rest structured around a week.

It's doubtful if holidays are good for us. ... Most say they feel as stressed as ever by the end of their first week back. When you pattern is 48 weeks work and four weeks rest then your holiday is everything. ... Life has become week after week of toil for two weeks in the sun.

We not only spread the work-rest pattern over a year instead of a week. We spread it over a lifetime. We overwork for maybe 40 years to set up a retirement of leisure. Neither the overwork nor the retirement is healthy or godly. The Bible doesn't recognize the category of retirement. Work is to be part of life throughout life. ... People may retire from employment, but still have years of active service left to give to the church or community.

from Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness pp. 29-30

images are from alainkun and HRC at flickr

what I'm reading: the heart of busyness from Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness

The book which has done most to help me unpack my busyness - why I get too busy, how to tell if I'm too busy, and what to do about my busyness - is Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness (reviewed by Nicole here).

The most helpful thing Tim Chester does in his book is to talk about the why of busyness: the lies we believe which make us overly busy. Here's what he says about busyness, how to tell if it's a problem, and how over-busyness reveals our hearts.

There's nothing wrong with being busy. The truth is most of us like being busy ... Busyness itself is not a problem. In anybody's life there will be periods of intense activity. The problem comes when we are persistently over-busy. If you life doesn't reflect the biblical pattern of work and rest then something is wrong ...

If God doesn't expect me to do more than I can, the key question to ask ourselves is: Why am I trying to do more than I can? ...

I want to suggest that much, perhaps most, of the pressure to be busy comes from within. ... At the heart of our busyness is our heart. We're busy because we're working hard to meet the desires of our hearts. ...

Think about what that might mean for your busyness. Do you ever think your busyness is inevitable, unavoidable or appropriate? I want to suggest that it may be none of those things. It may be that your heart is deceiving you. ...

The test you need to apply to your busyness is this: if it produces bad fruit then it reflects the evil desires of your heart. ... If your health, marriage, friendships, Christian service or relationship with God is suffering because of your busyness then you need to address the idols in your life. You need to identify the desires of your heart that make you try to do more than God expects of you.

That's exactly what I want to do during the first posts of my new series on busyness: to talk about the lies behind my, and perhaps your, busyness. What are the idols of your heart which drive you to do more than God expects from you?

Excerpts are from Tim Chester's The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness pp. 35, 78-84.

another quote about condemnation and the cross

Violet capped yesterday's quote (which I posted on Sunday instead of Monday by accident!) with a wonderful quote of her own.

She says, "Milton Vincent in 'A Gospel Primer for Christians' addressed this issue in a way that really helped me. He writes,

'As long as I am stricken with the guilt of my sins, I will be captive to them, and will often find myself re-committing the very sins about which I feel most guilty. The Devil is well aware of this fact; he knows that if he can keep me tormented by sin's guilt, he can dominate me with sin's power.

'The gospel, however, slays sin at this root point and thereby nullifies sin's power over me. The forgiveness of God, made known to me through the gospel, liberates me from sin's power because it liberates me first from its guilt; and preaching such forgiveness to myself is a practical way of putting the gospel into operation as a nullifier of sin's power in my life.'"

Thanks, Violet! That's so true. When I keep wallowing in the guilt of my sin, I don't change. I'm so overwhelmed by my sin that I give up before I even start. But when I truly realise that I'm forgiven, it changes everything. It gives me motivation and hope to overcome my sin.

I'm reminded me of a similar quote from Tim Chester's You Can Change:

You will cleanse no sin from your life that you have not first recognized as being pardoned through the cross. ... If you don't see your sin as completely pardoned, then your affections, desires and motives will be wrong. You will aim to prove yourself. Your focus will be the consequences of your sin rather than hating the sin itself and desiring God in its place. (p.33)

As I preach the gospel to myself, and come to know in every fibre of my being that I'm forgiven, I stop wallowing in my guilt, and start obeying in the freedom and hope of God's grace.