yet another interview with moi

Because I blog, I occasionally get asked to do an interview. Here's one I did for a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend who is doing an assignment on media and Christianity and something-or-other (can't remember now!). 

Some of this will be familiar to many of you, but others might enjoy finding out a bit more about my background and what I do from day to day. (It's at times like these that the narcissism of blogging comes to the fore.)

I've picked 11 questions.

1. Briefly describe how you became a Christian.

I was brought up in a Christian home and can’t remember a time I wasn’t a Christian – although I can remember “becoming” a Christian lots of times, until a lady on a beach mission explained to me that you only have to do it once!!

I went through a time of doubt in my late teens, and wrestled with questions like, “Is the Bible true? Is Jesus really who he said he was?”. One day, having established that the New Testament is trustworthy, I sat down and read the gospel of Mark cover-to-cover and realised that, yes, Jesus is everything he said he was – God, Lord, Saviour – and that I never want to be apart from him.

2. What does your average week look like?

I spend the majority of my time caring for our kids and running our home. We have a son with a chronic illness, so that takes up much of my time and energy at the moment. I cook, clean, wash clothes, drive the kids around, and so on...

One morning a week is spent doing student ministry at the university campus nearby; one afternoon and one morning, I try to spend time with mums from school; Thursday evenings we host a church Bible study in our home; Sunday afternoons I’m often in town doing women’s ministry at our church; then we have Sunday evening church and the school week starts again.

Writing - for my own blog and for The Briefing - fits into some of the gaps in my timetable, mostly on weekdays, in the mornings after the school run and in the early afternoon.

3. For how long has your life looked like this?

My oldest daughter is 14, so I’ve been a mum for a long time. Before that I did a PhD in church history and was the female staff worker in our university Christian group. During my years as a mum, I did more or less ministry outside the home depending on the ages and stages of my kids – at first I could do a little, but with 3 and then 4 kids I couldn’t do much at all!

I started writing when my youngest son was 1 or 2, when I started to have some extra time and energy on my hands. As the kids have grown, the time I’ve had for ministry outside the home has gradually increased.

4. What motivated you to start writing your blog? Was there a single significant influence?

I think I was just keen to get back into ministry outside the home after many years raising small children. Blogging was something I could do from home, while caring for my youngest son. I’ve always loved reading, reflecting, teaching, and even, to some extent, writing. Once I started, my passion for the last one surprised me!

5. What do you personally gain from blogging / writing / reading?

It brings me great joy. It gets me into the “zone”, that wonderful place where the words flow onto the screen. It gives me relaxation and a release from all the practical, everyday duties of running a home. I’m an introvert, so when I read and write, it’s time away from other people. I love this time when I can focus on one task rather than trying endlessly to multitask and cope with the demands of four very different children.

I love the sense of achievement that comes with blogging. I tend to be a task-oriented perfectionist, and there’s not many chances to finish a task when you run a home - the clothes need washing again, the kids need to be fed again in a few hours - so I love the way you can write something and then polish it until it says exactly what you want it to say.

I also love the process of reading - reflecting - writing, filling my mind with the Bible and with other people’s reflections until I get my head around an issue and have something to say about it, then expressing that as clearly as I can.

So blogging is a perfect fit for me and gives me great satisfaction and rest.

6. In what ways does your Christian faith help you in your life, or to deal with particular issues you are concerned about?

In what ways doesn’t it? Jesus is the answer to every longing, every quest for truth, every despair. Every issue I grapple with, I bring to the Bible, and wrestle with God’s word until I have some understanding of what he wants to say. Every personal struggle, every grief and anxiety, finds its answer in God, so I bring it to him and struggle with him in prayer and read his word and ask for his help until there’s some connect between his truth and the way I feel.

7. Was your family important in developing or stimulating your interest in what you do?

My parents are committed, active Christians who read the Bible with my brother and me regularly and taught us about God. My father was a maths lecturer who taught me to think clearly and logically. My mother was an English teacher who fed us books and more books, taught me to love language, and helped train me to write.

So yes, they had a huge impact in turning me into a blogger – although none of us knew it at the time. When I was a teenager, computers were the size of a photocopier, and we certainly hadn’t heard of the Internet or blogging! And I had no plans to “be a writer”. My love for writing surprised me quite late in life!

8. What were your early religious/spiritual experiences? How significant was this in forming your beliefs these days?

My parents never skirted around difficult issues, the kind that adults struggle to understand. So I never felt like there were “too-hard” issues that you couldn’t discuss and come to understand by reading God’s word. I haven’t strayed too far from what they taught me – they were reformed in their understanding of Christianity, and so am I. They taught me to be rigorous in my thinking, which helps me not to be sloppy when I write.

There was also an intense time as a teenager when I, as you might say, “fell in love with God”. That had a big impact later when I chose the topic for my PhD – “The Puritan experience of enjoyment of God”. Part of my motivation as I write is to help reformed evangelicals like me, who can be a little cerebral, to allow ourselves to “feel” as well as believe the truth; to let God’s amazing truth have its full impact on us, heart and mind.

9. How important do you think your work is in relation to the issue you are working on?

I am a small fish in a very big Internet pond. Not quite so big in Christian circles though! Quite a few people read what I write. But this doesn't make me important. Jesus is important, I’m not. And we tend to blow up our importance in our own minds, don’t we?

I went through a mini mid-life crisis when I wanted my name to be remembered beyond the grave. Now I’m just happy if, in God’s mercy, I’m able to encourage someone to persevere in the faith, build them up in God’s truth, help them grow into Christian maturity, and, most wonderfully, help someone come to Christ.

10. How important is the media (in general) or the type of media you use (e.g. blogger)?

Important in what way? Blogging is certainly wide-reaching – or, at least, it has the potential to be, I’m sure much of what bloggers write disappears into the void, never to be read by anyone outside their own small circle. But it has the power to reach into people’s everyday reading, into homes across the globe, into countries closed to the gospel. So yes, it has the potential to be very powerful.

11. Can the media change people? If so, how? Or how does it not change people?

People are changed – really changed, from the inside out – when God’s truth makes its way into their hearts and wins them away from their false gods and idols to trust in Jesus and live for him. The media can help do this in the way any words can do this: through God’s word (2 Timothy 3:16-17), as we speak the truth in love into each others’ lives (Eph 4:15).

When I write, I think of the reader on the other end of what I write. I try to love them, to not write what is harsh or unloving, to write what will be helpful to them as they read. I try to write as well as I can because God’s truth makes its way more easily into people’s hearts if it’s clothed in well-crafted language. If any of this changes people, it will be because God, in his grace, has used his Word, through my words, to change their hearts.

So no, on its own the media can’t change people. But yes, it can change people, because God can work through it, as one person speaks his truth to another person. It can happen when non-Christians write true words about the world, or people, or beauty, or horror, or sin. It can happen when Christians write true words about the gospel, or life, or sorrow, or creation. It only changes people by God’s grace.

I just felt like writing this, so I did

This is one of those times I just feel like writing.

This is what I do when the day has left me weary.

This is what I do when my gnarly thoughts need untangling.

This is what I do when I want to make something beautiful.

This is what I do when I need to talk to myself about God's truth.

This is what I do when I'd like to pass on an interesting thought.

This is what I do when I need a space with no one talking in it.

This is what I do to breathe.

This is what I do,

Even when I have nothing to say,

Even when all I have is this.


image is by Jim Blob Blann at flickr

a quote to stick near my computer

Our aim in communication should be to glorify and please the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:9). The startling truth about speech is that our words either serve to glorify and please Him or they exalt and please ourselves.

Elyse Fitzpatrick Helper by Design 167.

coming up for air

Spending time online can leave me feeling disembodied. So can long days spent studying, writing or editing.

I feel hazy, disconnected, like when I've been swimming and there's water in my ears and my eyes are a little unfocussed and the world looks blurry blue.

I'm grateful for the things that ground me. For a child curling into the crook of my arm while I read a picture book. For wind tangling my hair when I walk out the door. For a husband who wants my company that evening. For a floor that needs vigorous vacuuming. For a coffee-shop conversation that lets me into a friend's life and thoughts.

I catch myself breathing in the smell of my son's hair or running my fingers along the bark of a tree or staring into the distance just to remind myself that it's real, and oh, so much bigger than the confines of my mind.

How grateful I am to God for this very solid world.

an interview about blogging and writing

Here's an interview I did with my friend Susie. If you want to know how blogging fits into my life, how I think about the whole writing thing, and how this has changed over the years, here it is!

What does being creative mean to you?

Words flowing as if they have nothing to do with me. Walking or listening to music until I’m in that relaxed state where ideas float into my mind. Working hard when the ideas aren’t coming. Editing until every sentence is like a carefully-placed line in a painting. Going to sleep with a question and waking up with an answer. That joyous moment when I know just what to say and how to say it. Running to the computer and typing it out before I lose it. Learning how to write better (lose the adjectives, cut out the adverbs, say less to say more). Growing in confidence. Uncertainty. Joy.

What things have inspired you, given you pleasure and joy?

Other people’s writing: the kind that makes you slow down and savour every word. The Bible: that “wow!” moment when God’s truth and life intersect. Encouragement: the always unexpected moment when someone comes up and tells me what something I’ve written meant to them. Companionship: when a comment lets me know there are people on the other end of my links and posts, walking with me through the day. Above all, God’s goodness in Jesus: every year, my own efforts mean less to me and his grace and glory mean more.

Where did you grow up and how did family life and your home influence how you see the world and ignite this desire to write?

I grew up in Melbourne. My dad is a mathematician with a logical mind and a soft heart: he taught us to think clearly and to play with words and numbers, and serenaded us with the poems of AA Milne. My mum, an English teacher, nurtured and surrounded us with books and poetry: CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, and all the classics. I read and read and read and read, and when I wrote as a child, I wrote in the language of Elyne Mitchell and Paul Gallico.

I don’t think I was a very good writer as a teenager: plenty of sentimental adjectives and purple prose. I only threw myself into writing five years ago, and to this day I don’t quite know why. Perhaps it was lying dormant, waiting to come out. Writing perfectly suits my love of reading and reflecting and sharing what I’ve learned with others – along with the joy of expressing it as clearly and creatively as I can.

What is in all honesty? When did it begin?

In all honesty is my blog. It began in October 2007. I wasn’t planning to start blogging; I didn’t even know much about blogs, but for some reason, I woke up one morning with the idea “blog!” fully formed in my head. My subconscious invented the name in all honesty overnight: my goal was to write honestly about my struggles and to encourage others that they were not alone.

How has it developed and changed over the years?

I learned very, very quickly not to talk too much about other people’s lives online. I also found being vulnerable about my own experiences harder than I expected: it’s bizarre when you see someone face-to-face and they already know what’s going on in your head. I no longer put everything out there as soon as I think and feel it, which I think is emotionally healthy, although I admire bloggers who can do this wisely and well!

I blog less than I used to. I came close to burnout a couple of years ago and had to put writing on hold for a while. That was good for me, because instead of feeling controlled by the need to post every day, blogging became something I’m free to do or not to do, depending on family circumstances and ministry responsibilities and whether I have anything to say. I own my blog, not the other way around!

My writing has inevitably become more professional as I’ve started writing for others. There’s a bigger gap between writing, editing, and pressing “publish”. I miss some of the immediacy and freedom of my early posts. So my blog is still a work in process! At the moment, I’m trying to find a good balance between the new professionalism and the old vulnerability.

What are some of the ways you have had to juggle your creativity around different seasons in life?

I have four children, and I didn’t start blogging till they were all out of babyhood. I think I was beginning to look to the next season of life, and that’s why the creative juices kicked in. Writing, in some ways, was an obvious choice: you can do it from home and it doesn’t disrupt home life too much. It’s not surprising mums with young kids blog: it’s a great way to stay connected with others when you’re at home all day. Then the kids get older, life becomes more mixed, and blogging slows down!

Now all our kids are at school a new season has opened up, with more undistracted time during the day to give to writing (and, paradoxically, lots of new ministries outside the home to distract me from it). Writing is very important to me, but it’s a lower priority than caring for husband, children, home, and people in our church and community, so I fit it into the spare hours and quieter days.

How do you balance family life with time to blog?

I’ve done such a bad job of this at times! I started blogging when my youngest son was only one year old. Looking back, that was probably too early: I was obsessed with my new pastime and gave him less attention than I wanted to at times. I still feel guilty about that. But it’s also true that I was there for him, at home, interacting with him throughout the day: that’s both the curse and the benefit of blogging, that you do it from home.

These days, I don’t usually write during the afternoons and evenings or on weekends: that time is reserved for my husband and children. I also take regular vacations from writing. Giving time to writing does mean that the house is a little less organised! I stay on top of the regular chores, but lots of the extras don’t get done. You have to give up something, but I’d like to make more time for some of these things.

I think introverts often find the chaos of family life and ministry tiring. Writing helps me relax and gives me time alone to reflect and process things, re-energising me so I can better love the people in my life. In that sense, as long as it’s kept within bounds, it helps, not hinders, family life.

What creative people do you admire - writers, artists, cooks.... How have they influenced your writing and thinking?

Novelists who take exquisite care in shaping every word: Marilynne Robinson, Kazuo Ishiguro, Cynthia Voigt. Authors who write about books and writing: Tony Reinke, Mark Tredinick, Annie Dillard. Bloggers who reflect with such wisdom and beauty on their lives and thoughts that I catch my breath: Ali, Nicole, Catherine, Meredith, Cath, and many others, including you, Susie.1 Christian writers whose work is richly textured: CS Lewis, Tim Keller, Paul Tripp, Ed Welch. Theologians who shape how I think about God and the gospel: JI Packer, Don Carson, Tim Chester. I also love music and the visual arts, but the influences are more subtle. You have to soak yourself in good writing to be able to write well.

What opportunities have opened up from blogging?

The biggest one is writing regularly for the Christian magazine The Briefing. It’s such a joy to see my work in print and online where it can encourage others, and it’s still a wonder to me that it’s valued by those I respect. At times, I’ve been able to earn some extra money by writing and editing: I feel very privileged that I can contribute to the family finances doing something I enjoy. I dream about books I might write in the future, but have no firm plans yet. I’ve also been asked to speak at women’s events and conferences, though mostly I say “no”, as I have to be careful not to take on too much. But I love teaching women in our church and university ministry, so I wonder if God will open this door wider when my kids are older.

What’s your goal in writing?

My goal is to bring glory to Jesus as I serve others and help them know and live for him. I think Christian writing can sometimes be a little dry and removed, which is such a pity, because God’s truth grabs and shapes every part of us: thoughts, feelings and actions. It’s rare to see a Christian author who is both rigorous in their thinking and rich in their writing. I know I often fail, but I try (poorly!) to do both these things.

If I could deliver anyone at all to your desk who would you most like to share a cup of tea with?

To be honest, it would be some of the lovely female bloggers I’ve “met” through my writing! I’d also love to sit across the table and chew the fat with people I write for and with at The Briefing: I feel a bit disconnected being part of a writing team that’s not in my home town.

Complete this sentence: I wish I had known......

…that I was free to blog in a way that served Jesus and my family. I’d say to the “me” that started blogging, “Lighten up! The world’s not going to end if you don’t post every day. Breathe. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy the people around you. It doesn’t all revolve around you. It’s about Jesus, not you.”

And finally, what advice would you give someone starting on their journey of blogging?

Be prepared to have your life turned upside-down and inside-out. And if you’re not prepared for that, maybe choose another creative outlet! Nothing you write online ever really disappears, so make sure you’re always fair and kind, remembering that it could be read by the person you’re writing about even if they’re famous. The only way to get good at writing is by doing it, so write a little every day, be brave, and put it out there. Pray before you press “post”, and pray for those who read. Write for God’s glory, not your own. Enjoy the adventure.


1. If you're a blogger and your name isn't here, please don't feel bad! Chances are I still read and love your blog. It's a certain style of blogging that I was thinking of here.

the end of a term

Hi, friends.

You probably won't hear much from me during the next three or so weeks: term 2 is drawing to an end and it's nearly time for school holidays and my mid-year break from blogging. That doesn't mean I won't drop in, but it does mean I won't do much "online meandering" for a while.

It's been a difficult and discouraging term. My ministry responsibilities have been heavy, my son struggled with near-constant illness, there have been articles and seminars to write, and the few spare days quickly fill with doctor's and dentist's visits. Nothing more, and much less, than many others face; and there have been great encouragements and opportunities. But I am thankful for a time of rest.

I wish I could tell you how much God has meant to me this term. How he has been a hand to cling to and arms to hide in and strength to serve. How he shapes me with a sculptor's chisel and forgives me with a Father's grace and speaks to me with a lover's voice. How he breaks my self-sufficiency (how quickly it reforms, like ice on a pond!) and drives me into deeper dependence on his grace. How instead of turning from him, I hold more strongly to him, for without him I would be lost.

God is good, even and especially now.

Jean.

so you want to write good

Want to know how I write a blog post? Want to write one yourself? Here's how.

1. Know what you’re trying to say.

2. Never assume your audience knows what you’re trying to say.

3. Find a creative way to approach / introduce what you’re trying to say.

4.  Write an initial draft quickly.

5. Be a great revisor.

6. Get rid of unnecessary words.

7. Maintain an active voice.

8. Use simple sentences. “Simple sentences are beautiful.”

9. Let it rest. “Sleep on it.”

10. Let it go. “Let it do its job, for good or bad.”

Those were editor Greg Bailey's ten tips for writing, shamelessly poached quoted by me.

Good to know I'm on the right track. Though I still have worlds to learn! And the longer I write, the more I know just how much.

HT Tim Challies

busy service - and a week off

You won't hear much from me on this blog for a week or so. It's school holidays, Easter is coming, and I'm using this time to catch my breath, remember Jesus, spend some time with our family, and get ready for the coming term.

Who said my first term without children at home would be easy? Who was going to take everyone's advice and not start lots of new ministries this year? Who pictured long days at home, sipping a cuppa, reading a book or ten, getting the house ordered and glowing for the first time in its eleven years of being lived in by our family, and catching up with friends? Could that possibly have been - wait a minute - me???

It seems God had other ideas. It's the end of term one, and I find myself:

• leading a Bible study at the university campus nearby
• mentoring and praying with two younger women from church
• meeting with a friend to read a gospel together.

Put like that, it doesn't sound like much. Factor in husband and children and home and parents and church and friends and prayer and writing; plus the difficulties of adjusting to a new life phase and working out how to make it all work; plus some nervous fears - going back to university to do ministry when you're 43 is more challenging than I anticipated, especially when I wasn't anticipating it at all! - and at times it's felt overwhelming.

Yet I'm so very grateful to God for these opportunities. I love this! I love working alongside my husband in university ministry. I love the chance to mentor younger women. I love the fact that my husband and I will soon be leading the first Bible study we've ever led together. Much of this wouldn't have been possible in my previous season of life, and I'm revelling in the chance to do some of these things again.

Do we expect the Christian life to be easy? Or do we expect to be busy in the service of God and others? Sometimes it's time for rest. Sometimes it's time for busy service. Mostly it's time for busy service (Phil 2:17; 2 Thess 3:8-9; 1 Tim 5:9-14; Titus 2:3-5). Not over-busy, nervous, not-trusting, ambitious, being-eaten-up-by-people service (the kind I'm good at). But free, loving, wise, grace-inspired, poured-out-for-people service (the kind I'm learning).

As I turn my thoughts to Easter, these words echo in my mind:

The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45)

Praise God for our suffering and glorified Saviour, who paved the way for us to die with him during this life, then live with him forever. My life belongs to him.

image is from habeebee on flickr

a letter to my readers...

To all my lovely readers,

As you know, I've been trying something new on in all honesty: linking to some of the blog posts I read and enjoy each week in my online meanderings. This is a 6-month experiment, the question(s) of the moment being, "How long can I keep this up? Will it drive me completely crazy?? Just how long does 6 months take???"

Well, it's only 2 months in, and it's driving me just a le-e-e-etle crazy (can you tell?). I'm a black-and-white person, and I find it hard to do things by halves. When I see "57 unread posts" in my RSS folder, what do I do? I read (*cough* skim *cough*) them all!!! Not good for my mental health - or for my poor neglected family. (Actually, they're not neglected, but it is doing my head in.)

So here's Stage 2 of The Grand Linking Experiment. I've pared down my RSS folder and put the must-reads at the top: blogs by friends, women's blogs I love, and some from the wider blogosphere. I'm going to post the links I like on Facebook and Twitter, and put just my favourites in my online meanderings (yes, Jean, you can do it!).

What does this mean for you? If you want to see the blog posts I like, here's how. Just click on one of these links, and like/follow me there:

• in all honesty on Facebook


• jeanhonestly on Twitter

I post links on Facebook and Twitter most days. I'd love to have you join the conversation. Can't wait to see you there!

Love Jean. xxx

image is by MrBG from flickr

a new venture for me

I want to let you know about an exciting new venture for me. Have a look at this new website (or new version of an old website) - just click on the image -


- and you'll see my photo, mercifully small, in the middle near the top. Yes, that is me, although you might need a magnifying glass to see me if you're on your iPhone! :)

You probably already know I write for the Australian evangelical magazine The Briefing
and what used to be their blog, Sola Panel. Well, they have a new website (the same address as the old one minus the '.au'), a new blog and a new online magazine (the print version of The Briefing will only come out every 2 months from now on).

They asked me to be one of their 5 blog writers (the others are all guys, 2 in Australia, 1 in the UK, and 1 in the US) and in a moment of flattered optimism (actually, after a few weeks' praying and talking about it) I said 'yes'. It feels very strange being the 'female blogger' on their website, so pray for me and tell me if I go off track! I'd like to know if what I write is encouraging for women (and men) who read.

What all that means for this blog, I'm not sure. It will certainly keep me writing at least one vaguely interesting post a week! I'm planning to keep in all honesty going for now, at least until the end of the year, when I'll do my annual (bi-annual? quadruple-annual?) re-think.

Although I'm realising that less self-absorbed re-thinking of what I'm doing, and more loving and serving others, might be helpful. In one sense, it doesn't matter what particular ministry I do, as long as I make Jesus known.

May God give you and me love and wisdom so that, in whatever ways God gives us, we can encourage one another to grow into the fullness of Christ.

the next 7 weeks or so...

Hi, everyone! Just letting you know that Steve and I have just embarked on 7 weeks of long-service leave as a family, and, as I anticipated earlier this year, I won't be blogging during this time.

This is a wonderful opportunity for us, as Steve has been working hard in full-time ministry for 12 years now - and I've been working hard alongside him, as I support his ministry and help raise 4 kids. The last few months, as you might have guessed from some things I've said, have been very busy for me, as I've worked during Steve's weeks off. So this will be a chance to spend restful time together.

Then it's back to everyday life, blogging (yes, I will go on with those series - I'm enjoying them too much to stop!), a Sunday School series on Hebrews, and some writing adventures that you'll share in, God willing. I'll tell you about them when the time comes.

So you know when I start blogging again, you might like to subscribe to in all honesty, either by email or online (or you can contact me and I'll let you know when I'm back). Not to increase my reading numbers :) - really, that doesn't matter - but because you'll get my next post in your inbox in a couple of months, and we can keep going where we left off.

God bless. I'll leave you with a verse that God used to encourage me recently:

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16)

Amen.

image is by zen from flickr

what I've learned so far

What have I learned, 3 months into this quieter year? Here are 10 things God has taught me so far:

• Rest is God's good gift. Meredith wrote to me, "It is OK to stop...This is the time to prepare deeply for long years of ministry ahead."


• I can live with my blog, you can live without my blog, and the world goes on without my blog. I kind of knew that already. But now I really know it. Which makes it easier to be sensible about blogging.


• "One of the strangest things about cutting everything out of your life is that it leaves you with just one thing: yourself." I wrote that in my journal in a discouraged moment earlier this year. Healing and change take time.


• There's a different viewpoint that comes with rest, as if you're looking at your life from above. You see things more clearly. Sometimes it's good to get outside your life for a while.


• I can't blame blogging and busyness for everything. I'm quite capable of being disorganised, distracted and forgetful - not to mention fearful, guilt-ridden and discouraged - without them.


• On the other hand, now I'm less busy, I have more energy and time for our family, I'm less anxious and overwhelmed, and I'm a more effective household manager. This impacts my ministry decisions.


• Circumstances change, but some things stay the same. I look back over my adult life, and there are constants: I love to read, I love to think, I love to write, I love to teach. Some things are here to stay.


• I can't be every woman I admire: the brilliant evangelist, the domestic goddess, the mother who's busy in a dozen different ministries. It's time to start being the woman God has made me to be.


• As I reflect on the future, I need to avoid two equal and opposite mistakes:


• making decisions because I think they'll solve my temptations and struggles


• making decisions without taking my temptations and struggles into account.


• Finally, there's no point worrying about whether I'll make the right decisions, or whether I'll cope with things in the future. God is sovereign, and he is my strength. It's okay to try things out, make mistakes, and try again.

I've learned many other things during the last 3 months. You'll hear about some of them in the weeks ahead. And this year of rest is just beginning! I'll keep sharing what God teaches me.

blogging again

Hi everyone! Here I am, back again, blogging. It feels odd to be sitting here at the keyboard, sending my thoughts out into the ... well, into wherever it is that blog posts go.

My last post was about 3 months ago, just before Christmas. For 2 months I did nothing much: just recovered from the last 3 years of over-doing things, spent time with my family, and settled 2 kids into pre-school and high-school (okay, so that kept me pretty busy!).

During those 2 months I picked up nothing more challenging than a novel (and my Bible). But about a month ago, tired of feeling bruised and battered, I prayed for healing, and woke the next day feeling energised and hopeful. I'm reading Christian books again. I'm teaching Sunday School. I've been dreaming about ridiculously ambitious writing projects.

I'm still not sure how I can best serve Jesus in the long-term. This will be a quiet year, as my husband has long-service leave, and we're planning to rest, recover, reflect, and re-connect with our kids (4 R's!). But I'm starting to realise that writing is part of how God has made me. So I'd like to keep blogging, for now, and see how it goes. You'll notice a few changes:

• I've changed the look of my blog to make it more readable and usable (tell me what you think!)
• I may take another break later this year, to spend time with my family
• I'm planning to blog less regularly and systematically, at least for now (less exhausting for me - and for you! - and I've discovered I like reading those kinds of blogs anyway).

In other words, I'll dip my toes back in the blogging water, and see where it takes me - and you. It's good to be in touch again!

goodbye for now and happy Christmas!

Well, here it is - my final post on in all honesty for a while! Thanks so much to all who've joined me during the last 3 years, and for your comments and encouragement. It's been the most wonderful opportunity to get to know you and grow in Jesus together.

I'm not sure exactly when I'll be back. If you subscribe to my blog you'll know when I reappear, because you'll get a post in your inbox. If you want to know when I start blogging again, you can subscribe here (for email) or here (in a reader) or contact me and I'll let you know.

Happy Christmas to all of you! I hope Christmas is a blessed time for you to remember the great gift of Jesus our Saviour. May God bless you and help you to get to know Jesus better during the coming year.

how you can use in all honesty

Tomorrow will be my last post on in all honesty for a while. I'm taking a break to work out whether this is how God wants me to use my time. My husband Steve has long service leave next year: a wonderful opportunity to rest, recover and reflect on what God wants from me.

Normally, I'd post from the archives while I'm away, but I won't be doing that this time. I need a complete break! But please feel free to dig around in the archives. If you scroll down the right column of my blog, you can see I've indexed everything pretty thoroughly. Browse through the topics as much as you like!

Every now and again, someone writes and asks if they can print something from in all honesty to share with others. I'm always surprised and encouraged when this happens! Here's some ways you've used in all honesty:

• you've printed a post on a particular topic to discuss in your small group
• you've shared what I've written with someone you're mentoring
• you've used ideas for Sunday School lessons or Bible studies
• you've put a post in your church's bulletin
• you've included an article in the hand-out for a women's conference or retreat.

I'm often asked about copyright. All you need to do is contact me then include something like this at the end: "This article first appeared on Jean Williams' blog in all honesty (http://jeaninallhonesty.blogspot.com/) and is reprinted with permission."

If it's something I wrote for Sola Panel or The Briefing, you'll need to include something like this: "This article first appeared on Sola Panel (http://solapanel.org/) / in The Briefing (http://www.matthiasmedia.com.au/briefing/) and is reprinted with permission from Matthias Media."

I love it when God uses what I've written to encourage others - that's why I write - so share away! Just contact me and tell me about it - you'll make my day!

image is from stock.xchng

what I'm reading: dependence and sufficiency from The Briefing

Today's quote is a little gem from missionary Terry Blowes, quoted by Guan Un in his Diary of a ministry apprentice in this month's Briefing.

Twenty years of missionary service has taught me that I have a very big God, and a very small me. I went away as a very self-sufficient, self-dependent person. I came back as a very insufficient, God-dependent person.

Take out the "Twenty years of missionary service" and put in "Three years of blogging", and you have me! It's a great summary of what God has taught me during the last 3 years, as you've travelled this journey with me.

image is from stock.xchng

Romans 12:1-2 (4) how far will you go?

This is the final part of a 4-part summary of Steve Chong's talk on Romans 12:1-2, which God used to change my heart.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Rom 12:1-2

We've seen that serving is our response to God's mercy.

Serving begins with getting my heart right before God. It begins with
1. getting my body ready ("offer your bodies as living sacrifices")
2. getting my heart ready ("be transformed by the renewing of your mind").

The temptation in Christian ministy is to want to climb the Christian corporate ladder: ordinary Christian to youth leader to theology college to full-time paid gospel worker (or whatever the ladder is for you). Our goal is to reach the top.

But the point is not to becomes a gospel worker (or a speaker, or a writer, or a blogger, or a small group leader, or even a respected older woman). The point is to serve God.

When we meet him, Jesus won't say, "Well done, good and faithful gospel worker". He'll say, "Well done, good and faithful servant".

Our example is the Son of Man, who came not to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many (Mk 10:45). Who said, "Not what I will, but what you will" (Mk 14:36). Who lived to please his Father.

How far will you go?

If I went back to bedrock and asked, "How can I be a living sacrifice? How can I serve? How can I please You?", how would it change my life? What would I give up? What would I do? These are the questions I've been asking myself.

Blogging is a good thing; but what if it's not the best thing? What if I could better serve Jesus another way? It's hard to see clearly when you're in the middle of it! Which is one reason I'm taking a break next year: to reflect on what God wants from me.

I've realised that, yes, I can give up blogging if I should be using this time and energy for something else. It's a ridiculously freeing realisation. I may well come back to blogging; but at least I'm not holding it tightly, unable to let go.

What are you holding on to?

Romans 12:1-2 (1) in view of God's mercy

A month ago, I prayed a dangerous prayer: that God would make me single-hearted. I prayed desperately, with tears, all too aware of how double-hearted I am, how I want Jesus' glory but also my own. I prayed nervously, because this is the kind of prayer God delights to answer, and it's not always comfortable.

Three days later, God answered my prayer as I sat in an echoey hall and listened to a talk on Romans 12:1-2 by Steve Chong at MTS Challenge Victoria. I've already told you one of the results: how I'm taking a break from blogging so I can work out how best to serve God and make Jesus known.

But how did I arrive at this decision? In 4 short parts, during the next 4 weeks, I'd like to tell you about the impact the talk had on me, one phrase from Romans 12:1-2 at a time. Here's part 1.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

"in view of God's mercy"

We are not do-ers. We are receivers. We receive therefore we do. Everything we do, we do in view of God's mercy.

There are 2 things that are true of Christian service:

• service is always responding to what God has done
• service is always joining in on what God is doing.

Service is a bit like catching a wave. Surfing isn't about paddling as hard as you can. It's about getting in the right position to catch the wave when it comes. In the same way, service isn't about working as hard as I can to get it all done. It's about getting my heart ready for God to use me.

There's an incredible pull to make ministry all about me. My Bible talk, my small group, my mentoring relationship, my blog. But service isn't about me. It's about God.

I serve others in response to God's mercy to me in Jesus.

images is from stock.xchng

happy blog-day, and a break from blogging

It's that time again: my bloggy birthday (well, it's tomorrow, but I don't post on weekends, and I doubt you read then either). Three years into blogging, and I enjoy it as much as ever: putting my thoughts into words, writing about what God has taught me, and being encouraged and challenged by you.

It has its downside. The pressure (self-imposed) to produce something, the times I realise (whoops!) I forgot to write tomorrow's post, the time taken from other things, the vulnerability and uncertainty, the temptation to compare my blog with others: it's a cost worth paying, but only if this is worth doing.

Where am I at, 3 years into blogging? I heard a talk on Romans 12:1-2 recently (I'll tell you about it soon) which laid it on the line for me. I want to respond to God's mercy by giving myself to him as a living sacrifice, to bring him glory and make his Son known.

I'd like to make wise plans for the next 5 or 10 years so that I use my time, energy and gifts to glorify Jesus. Will this include blogging? I don't know. But I do know I need some time away from blogging to pray and find out.

After 12 years of raising young kids and 3 years of new ministries, I'm exhausted. So next year I'll share my husband's long service leave (which has been 12 years coming). I'll settle my oldest child into high school and my youngest into preschool, take a long family holiday, and build strong relationships for the teen years. I'll regroup, reflect and renew (the 3 Rs, as my friend puts it).

I'm planning to blog until the end of this year, God willing, then stop for a while - maybe 3 months, maybe 6 months. I'll pray about whether this is the best use of my time and energy, or if there's something else I should do. I have so many dreams and ideas, but who knows what God has in mind?

Taking time off is scary for a doer like me, and slowing down is already making me feel a little empty - which just shows how deeply I take my worth from what I do! But I'm not a doer, I'm a receiver of God's love and grace.

I'm praying that during my months of not-doing, God will teach me I don't need to achieve, get things right or prove myself, because Jesus has done it all for me. Only then will I be able to serve, not so I can feel worthwhile, but "in view of God's mercy" - his astounding, undeserved, unchanging grace to me in Jesus.

In the meantime, until the end of the year, I'll still be here, blogging. Happy blog-day!

images are from soapylovedeb and hyku from flickr

women bible life

Today I want to share with you, not a blog-post, but a blog (for the second time!): Cathy's blog, with the new name women bible life. If you haven't already put it in your reader, or on your email list, or however it is that you read blogs, I encourage you to.

Cathy's blog is thoughtful, humble, biblical, interesting, godly, readable, and always, always encouraging.

Here are a few recent posts I've enjoyed:

• when help is more than just helping
  (being helped is helpful too)
• mythical she-monster of the blogosphere
  (I know her only too well)
• productive and messy
  (how I needed to read this!)
• the goal of fixing depression
  (not, ultimately, feeling better, but...)
• gospel community and depression
  (I see my own personality reflected in this one)
• nothing to prove
  (the gospel strikes again)
• raising children to be christian adults HT Meredith
  (so encouraging to this parent)
• talking with a distracted mum
  (because I am one, and people have to put up with me).

You'll also find some interesting discussions about:

• education here and here
• gospel community here and here and here and here and...
• health and eating and serving Jesus here
• conflict in this ongoing series.

Happy browsing!

PS. I'm not trying to make you proud, Cathy, or to pressure you to write more good stuff (I know how that works!), I'm just grateful to God for his work through you, however much you feel able to write.