should we forgive the unrepentant?

A few weeks ago Deb asked, Can you forgive someone who doesn't ask for your forgiveness?

In other words, "Should we forgive the unrepentant?"

I've always suspected the answer is "yes", even though lots of people I respect answer "no". For a start, I can't imagine how family relationships would work otherwise. I'm not going to wait around for my child, or husband, to say sorry before I get on with forgiving and loving them. I can't defend this view with any depth, and I don't have time to explore it; it's just a hunch.

So instead of doing the work myself, here's a very excellent answer from a friend. Our pastor John posted this on our church's Facebook page:

Here are the wise words of Gordon Cheng regarding this topic:

"I think we can forgive without repentance on the part of the other person.

I don't believe that Jesus' words on the cross, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do', were conditional on the repentance of his hearers.

Of course, their mocking continued, and for some, that state of mind continued until their death, temporal and eternal. There is an unforgivable sin.

That sin, as I paraphrase it, is the sin of not repenting.

But what is ruined, for eternity, is reconciliation.

The word of forgiveness is not taken back.

To use a weak analogy, you've dumped a bag of gold that you couldn't afford to part with on the doorstep of your worst enemy.

Now, no driving past the house to see if the bag is still sitting there, unless you dropped past to add more gold to the pile.

(In which case, add the gold and leave, and only return to keep adding!)"

To which [my pastor John] asked: "So if I understand you correctly forgiveness is offered but without acceptance there is no reconciliation?"

And Gordo replied: "yep, no reconciliation without acceptance of forgiveness.

These things can be partial and implied, of course.

So Joe the sinner might smile sheepishly and shake my hand effusively, having previously refused to apologize.

What should I do then?

I think I should, as far as it lies in my power, accept what is offered.

And more, if I can.

or if God so empowers me to do."

Here's a video by Phillip Jensen where he answers the question:

when the Bible gets too hard

What do you do when you get to a bit of the Bible you don't understand? When a Bible passage makes you feel uncomfortable?

I know what I do: I tend to avoid those bits of the Bible. Sometimes I ignore particular verses, sometimes I try not to think about certain passages, sometimes I even keep away from whole books. It's like a painful tooth; you learn to stop biting on it after a while.

The problem with ignoring a painful tooth, of course, is that the pain gets worse and starts eating away at you. When I ignore part of the Bible, it doesn't ignore me. It bothers and bugs me, nudges and nags me, until it gets my attention. When I don't want to examine part of the Bible, it's time for the Bible to start examining me.

Which is why I found these words from John Piper and Phillip Jensen so challenging and helpful:

If you only read things after which you said “duh!” you'd stop reading in a hurry, because you already know and feel the way you should. But if you start bumping into things that are weird or strange, then you'd better live there. You'd better camp there until your brain and your heart get shaped by the strange things.1

I love puzzling over difficult parts of the Bible. I love it, for the difficulty is in my head, not on the page, and puzzling over these difficulties gives me an opportunity to change the way I think.2

When I find part of the Bible hard to accept, it's not the Bible which needs to change, it's me. If I come to part of the Bible I don't like, I've learned to spend time there: to read it over and over, think about it, read about it, talk about it, or, best of all, teach it, until my attitudes shift and God's word shapes me.

When I do this, something unexpected happens: the Bible passage I used to avoid becomes one of my favourites. It's the hard parts of God's word that expand my understanding of God, challenge me to more costly discipleship, and lead me into unanticipated joys. The difficult bits of the Bible open God to me, and open my life to God, in ways I could never have foreseen.

1 From the audio version of John Piper's sermon Thinking and feeling with God: A broken and contrite heart God will not despise.

2 Phillip Jensen's ‘Problems with the text’ from So long and thanks for all the fellowship.

This post appeared on Sola Panel last week (and somehow got missed by yours truly - thanks, Kath, for reminding me about it! :) ).

image is by Jamelah at flickr