It is said that when your friend has bad things happen, the occurrence of these bad things constitutes a loss of wellbeing for you. Not just because you are saddened, but simply directly in virtue of your interest in your friend’s wellbeing. This is said to happen even if you don’t know about your friend’s misfortune.
But when do you lose wellbeing? On the story above, you lose wellbeing when you friend suffers. But if we say that your loss of wellbeing is simultaneous with your friend’s, what does that mean, given that simultaneity is relative? What is the relevant reference frame?
There are two obvious candidates:
Your reference frame.
Your friend’s reference frame.
These may be quite different if you and your friend are traveling at high speeds through space. And there doesn’t seem to be a compelling argument for choosing one over the other. Furthermore, there really isn’t such a thing as the reference frame of a squishy object like a human being. Different parts of a human being are always moving in different directions. My chest moves away from my backbone, and soon moves towards it. It is tempting to define my reference frame as the reference frame of my center of mass. I am not sure this makes complete sense in the framework of general relativity (a center of mass is a weighted average of the positions of my parts, but when the positions like in a curved spacetime, I don’t know if a weighted average is well-defined). But even in special relativity there are problems, since it is possible for an organism’s center of mass to move faster than light. (Imagine that a knife moving at nearly the speed of light cuts a stretched-out snake in half, and the snake briefly survives. During the time that the knife moved through the thickness of the snake, the center of mass of the snake moved by a quarter of the snake’s length.)
Here is another option. Perhaps your friend’s misfortunes are yours precisely when a ray of light from the misfortune could have illuminated you, i.e., precisely when you are at the surface of the future lightcone centered on some portion of the misfortune. There is something a bit wacky about this: misfortune propagates just as idealized light (not taking into account collisions with matter) would. In particular, this means that misfortune is subject to gravitational lensing. That seems really weird.
All of the above seems like it’s barking up the wrong tree. Here is a suggestion. While some aspects of wellbeing or illbeing can be temporally localized—pains, for instance—others cannot be. Having a rich and varied life is not temporally localized. Perhaps the contribution to your illbeing from the misfortune of your friends is similarly not temporally localized in your life. It’s just a negative in your life as a whole.
But I am not very happy with that, either. For it seems that if your friend is in pain, and then is no longer in pain, there is some change in the wellbeing of your life.
I don’t know.