Expectedly slow and sluggish. 11.3. Easy but turned into a struggle slog with running off the jet lag, the wind, the sudden heat, the flight, the excuses. 56.5 on the week. Struggled a bit with the travel but a bit more with trying to keep some momentum while spinning from tweaking my tail last week. I could feel it quietly humming under there today, but it is not an issue really at slower paces. I cut through Louisville and saw that the old 96th street is still out from the flood from last year.
While in Cork, I had a conversation over dinner with a colleague/friend of mine from over there. We started talking about Operation Paperclip. I did my little spiel on how I had seen the Saturn V rocket at the Kennedy Space Center a couple of years ago, and how that had moved me. I then shared how I felt a bit duped to learn via this text that one of the masterminds behind this rocket, and hence US hero, Von Braun was a nasty character in Nazi Germany. Of course, there was the dilemma of dealing with the Soviet threat and the pending Cold War. My friend understood, but also had a perspective that was personal. While the atrocities are unforgivable, he recalled the landing on the moon as a child, and how for a brief moment in time that seemed to bring the world together in a way that still resonated with him some near 50 years later. I am also now working my way through Jacobsen other work that set her up for Paperclip, her piece from 2011 Area 51. While I think her theories towards the end get a bit hair brained, it is a good companion book to understand some of the broader Cold War climate, including the U2, the SR71, the Red Scare, and nuke tests that were occurring regularly in Nevada. Suddenly at near 45 I am finding a slight appetite for chapters of history I previously ignored. Part of the #GOM path? Or maybe it is a bit of rekindled fascination on how far science ought to take us, particularly when faced with choices that seem to have no good outcome.
When you get a Facebook request from someone that you don’t know but have 17 mutual friends, what do you do? I ignore it. It seems a bit weird. I mean we are not friends, but what is the harm?
Spent a good part of the day yesterday tweaking camping stoves, getting my pack ready for an outing this weekend. I eyeballed a variety of race results, from the super fast Peyton Jordan Invite (five Americans go under 13:10) to high school meets (Cranny runs 4:10 in the 1500 and local kid going to CU Ethan Gonzales ran a 9 flat 3200) to ultras (where the hell are the Collegiate Peak results) and road races (good grief, Peter Fleming ran a 28 and change 5 miler at the age of 53? And Tabor Scholl schooled the whole field in a 5k?)(and of course, the local race down the street that I missed because of travel) in between.
Sometimes seeing all these performances inspire me. In fact, that is the case most of the time. I realize I am aging, but I am not willing just yet to pack it in and concede to Father Time. Sure, I doubt I will run in the 4:30s for a mile again, but I can make a go at a low or sub 5 time. Or maybe I can have a good run at Pikes again.
Other times, however, I step back and look at it all, and the choices I am really willing to make and realize it is just … silly. I have important family obligations that I want to tend to, a job that means traveling about 20% of the time, and a historic general lack of discipline to really turn up the knobs on the other 22 hours of the day when not running. Why should I expect to run sub 35 in a 10k when I take such a lackadaisical approach? Yesterday’s results left less inspired and more “ho hum” in considering what to expect from this frame in the next year.
This sort of circles around a bit when it happens. I realize that when I have low expectations for myself, well then it is pretty easy it exceed them. But then knowing that means higher expectations.
In any case, I will continue to punch along, looking to enjoy the ride, more interested in competing and being better than I am than I care to admit, but simultaneously trying to keep it at arms length given what is realistic and understanding the baggage that goes with otherwise not always realistic expectations. So that is sort of sitting on the fence of not giving in and giving in I guess.
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