Another Chapter Ends

For six and one-half years, fabric, lace, thread, patterns and sewing notions have filled my days, as I assisted BessieMary customers.

A little over a year ago, I closed my brick and mortar store, but continued business through my BessieMary website.

Fabric, lace, patterns, buttons and notions were tied with a bow, tucked within boxes, and whisked to the Post Office.

I have now made the difficult decision to close the website.

My vision continues to present challenges.  I am no longer able to provide the level of service my customers deserve, and on which I always strived to base my business.

Additional surgery may be in my future.  I need to focus on my health and family.

In some ways, I am sad. 

In others, I am relieved.

In even more ways, I am anxious to see what lies around the next bend in the road.

I am not sure how long it will take to complete the closing sale

So, it may be awhile before I am back to regular blogging or doing much besides finishing up the last details of business.

If you wish to keep up with information regarding the sale,

you may check my website New Arrivals page, or the BessieMary Facebook page.

To all my customers, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Each of you has richly blessed my life and stitched a small piece of yourself into my memories and heart.  I can only hope that BessieMary and I brought you a small amount of pleasure, too.



Return to Rochester

Those of you who have read my blog for awhile, are familiar with the above photograph.

I originally posted it here, when I first learned of serious problems with my vision, and later in several follow-up posts.

Well, here it is again.

My husband and I will be returning to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota this week.

Recently, periods of double vision have been creeping back.

While not as severe as previously, it is enough to be bothersome.

Before it worsens, we are visiting my wonderful surgeon to seek his opinion and advice.

We were relieved that Minnesota was experiencing a mild winter this year.

As usual, just as we are to arrive, winter storms and winds are beginning to howl!

Coats, sweaters, gloves and boots are now packed.

Once again, my prayer is to gracefully accept any limitations and the path my life follows. 

Even with wonky eyes, I will be OK!

I truly believe that.

One Week. One Year.

It's been one week since I headed off to Louisiana and the Old Fashioned Baby Sewing and Spiritual Retreat.  I must still be on vacation mode.  Not much has been accomplished since my return!

My project is still in pieces:  a sweet yoke embellished with yummy Swiss embroidery, French lace and tucks, and a skirt embellished with more tucks and Swiss edging.  The end result will be a darling little slip dress with delicate embroidery above the skirt's tucks. 

It will be finished someday soon, I promise!

The retreat was three blissful days of fun, friends, fellowship and stitching!

Jeannie and Belinda did a fantastic job of spoiling each and every one of us.  These are just a few of the special favors and mementos.

There was also time for Bible study, a renewal and strengthening of faith and spirit.

It could not come at a more appropriate time for me.

It was one year ago today that I underwent the first of three eye surgeries.

I try very hard to put this all behind and forge ahead.  I do not want to dwell on the past.

However, it has been on my mind so much as this anniversary approached.

I want to forget the anger, fear and pain.

I want to open my eyes each morning and not be afraid.

I am not sure that will ever happen.

There is so much goodness I want to always remember.

I never want to forget how I was held in the strong and loving arms of a great God.

I never want to forget how so many of you reached out to me and my family, surrounded us with your prayers, and carried us when we stumbled in our faith and hope.

I still miss my contact lenses!

I still hate to wear glasses.

I am so thankful for the vision I have.

I am becoming used to dark dancing blobs, and don't try to chase as many imaginary creatures darting across the floor, or swat as many fantasy flies.

Artificial tears have become my constant companion, as has smudged mascara!

All in all, I am blessed.

Each of you are part of that blessing.

The following verse became one of my favorites this past year.  It was also one read this past weekend.

Coincidence? 

Maybe so, or maybe not.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

~Matthew 6:34~

The Better to See With

I recently received my new glasses from the Mayo Optical Shop!

My prescription changed drastically following the recent eye muscle surgeries, and I can really tell a difference with these.  They do not help with the dark blobs and spots I still experience with my left eye, but overall my vision is greatly improved!

I am also relieved the lenses are not nearly as thick as I feared.  It is amazing what can be accomplished with today's technology and resources.

They are made in France by Dilem.  Around the lenses, they are brushed copper. 

The really cool part are the temples which are interchangeable.

My first choices are rather subdued, except for one pair.

The pair on the glasses, in the photo above, is burgundy.

The second pair is black, with cross hatching in shades of camel and brown.

The third pair is bright turquoise with brown swirls.

The temples are very easy to snap on and off.  The first time was a little frightening.  I had visions of everything snapping into pieces.

I already have plans to select a few more patterns and colors.

Earlier this week, a reader left a comment inquiring about my eye problems.  Since I had no way to contact her directly, I will answer here and hope she reads it.

Approximately seven years ago, I was first diagnosed as hypothyroid.  My thyroid did not produce enough thyroid hormone, and I was placed on Synthroid.  For almost five years, I had absolutely no problems and my levels remained constant.  I was seen on a regular basis for check-ups and blood labs.

At some point between check-ups, my thyroid reverted and began producing too much hormone.  It happened gradually, and was not noticeable until the symptoms became quite severe.  I experienced heart palpitations, chest and jaw pain, tremors of the hands, feet and legs, shortness of breath and great fatigue.  At approximately the same time, my eyes began to ache and became very sensitive to light.

I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, the most common cause of hyperthyroidism.  There is no history of it in my family.  It is often caused by a viral infection or external factor.  In my case, they believe it could well have been stress.  My thyroid became enlarged and fibrous.  It was surgically removed, due to its size and concern over suspicious spots on the gland.

Following surgery, my eyes seemed to ache less, and my physicians were quite optimistic that I had escaped any severe vision problems.  The outward symptoms of Thyroid Eye Disease are swelling and bulging of the eyes.  I exhibited none of that. 

Approximately six months after the removal of my thyroid, I was diagnosed with Thyroid Eye Disease.

It is my understanding not all persons with Graves Disease will experience vision or eye problems.

Not all Thyroid Eye Disease patients experience the type of thyroid problems I did.

My best advise is to be seen by a competent endocrinologist and ophthamologist if you ever have any concerns.  I discounted some of my earliest symptoms as age or stress related, and did not seek medical care between scheduled check-ups as quickly as I should have.  None of us like to visit doctors -- and in particular specialists -- but sometimes it may be what saves your life or your vision.

On a sweeter note, have you heard about the banana pudding milkshakes at Chick Fil A?

Many of you already know I was a huge fan of the chocolate peppermint shakes.  Sadly, they are no longer served.  These are good, but I really miss the chocolate peppermint variety.  Perhaps it is for the best.  With the quickly approaching season for shorts and swimsuits, milkshakes may not be my figure's best friend!

Have a great Friday and weekend! 

A reader asked if I had prisms in my glasses.  I do not.  The type of double vision I have could not be corrected with prisms.  The muscle eye surgery that I underwent in December corrected the majority of the double vision.  I still have double vision when looking certain directions, or if I am tired.

Rochester Report

Artwork honoring nursing professionals at Mayo Clinic, Rochester

Our recent trip to Rochester was timed perfectly!

A few days with highs above freezing had melted some of the snow.  Temperatures during our stay were not  nearly as numbing as during our last visit.

The day we left, a winter storm warning was issued.  The following day set records for snow accumulation in a 24-hour period.

By that time, we were well on our way South toward family and friends!

Once again, I was touched as I walked the halls of the clinic.  Being the Friday before a holiday weekend, the whole complex seemed a little more quiet -- except for the carillon bells in the Plummer Building tower. We arrived in downtown Rochester just in time to catch the end of Friday's regularly scheduled concert.

Although I arrived at Mayo 7 West early, I was quickly ushered back to the treatment rooms.  One of the medical students from my previous visit is still on rotation within the Ophthamology Department.  I enjoyed hearing of his current studies and plans.  It is encouraging to know the future will provide physicians to treat conditions such as mine.

My surgeon is pleased with my progress.

Most likely, I will always have some double vision when looking certain directions, or when shifting my gaze too quickly..

I need to channel some of this wise one's traits,

and remember to turn my head, more than quickly moving my eyes.

Unfortunately, my neck does not operate quite the same!

The water soluable sutures in my eyes have finally disappeared after two months.

Permanent sutures remain hidden beneath my lower eyelids.  They will add stability to the optic muscles.

During this visit, those sutures were adjusted and trimmed.

One of the biggest problems I now experience is dry eyes.

Thyroid disease alters the composition of natural tears.  They become less viscous, and do not lubricate the eys as well.  Artifical tears have become my best friend and constant companion.

In an attempt to help my eyes retain more moisture, plugs were inserted into my tear ducts.  I can discern a slight improvement in the moisture of my eyes, but still need to supplement with eye drops.

Should the problem continue, and cause additional damage to the corneas, I may need to consider eyelid retraction surgery.  We will revisit that possibility when I return to the Mayo next November.

My depth perception is improving, and could continue to improve over the next few months.

Dark blobs and floaters will most likely remain, but I am slowly learning to ignore them most of the time.

My vision acuity and peripheral vision have decreased significantly.

My life has changed.

Many things are no longer a part of it.

A few weeks ago, I forced myself to clean out my bathroom cabinet and drawers.

The contacts and contact solutions were pitched, along with the eyelash curler and other eye makeup.

Due to last summer's orbital decompression surgeries, I can no longer use an eyelash curler.  My eyes are now more deeply set, and no curler "fits".  It was a strange, and somewhat sad, realization.  We take so many of our daily routines for granted.  I must now treat my eyes more gently.  There can still be makeup, but just in different forms and methods.

I figure the amount of money I now save on cosmetics can be spent on favorite flavor milkshakes or cute new glasses.

Thank goodness for today's fashionable eyeglasses.  I can hardly wait for my new cool specs to arrive in a few weeks! 

I will not miss what I saw with wonky eyes:  the mishmash of shapes and objects, the inability to walk a straight line or drive a car.

I pray I never forget how I saw with wonky eyes.

I viewed life very differently during that time, and it was a great blessing.

I have always considered myself a compassionate person.  I am trying to be even moreso now.

I have always believed that we must suffer loss in order to appreciate abundance.

We must experience pain to recognize the gift of good health.

We must overcome sadness to feel joy.

We never fully understand faith until it is the only thing to which we cling.

The last two years held all those feelings, and so much more.

For one year, I dealt with a thyroid gone crazy, heart palpitations, decreased liver function, loss of my voice and difficulty in swallowing.

Just when I thought I had endured it all, my vision was threatened and my eyes crossed.

Now, I stand on the brink of renewed health and restored vision.

I never want to forget.   Yet I do not want to keep longing back.

While waiting for doctor appointments, lying in hospital beds or recovering at home, this song has been played nonstop on my iPod.

It is a new day.

For the first time, in a long time, I know I will be OK.

Even if wonky eyes return, I will be OK.

My prayer has always been to accept my path and any limitations with grace.  God has granted so much more, and now I pray to remain forever grace-filled and grateful.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for every prayer, message of hope, and word of encouragement.



Time for a Check-up!

We are headed to Minnesota and Mayo Clinic again,

and there is no snow in the forecast this time!

Actually, the daytime temperatures should be above freezing while we are there!

This is my first post-surgery check up.

I am eager to hear my surgeon's thoughts about my current condition and future treatment.

I have the little bishop* from yesterday's entry packed, and plan to do some smocking as we drive.

Or, I may just enjoy gazing out the window and not thinking about a thing!

If all goes according to plan, we will take a few detours on the way home and visit with family and friends.

I think both my husband and I are ready for a little vacation.

I might check in and maybe share an adventure or two from the road.

Otherwise, see you back here soon!

* I referred to the bishop as "tiny" in my entry yesterday, and a dear reader wondered if I was using a special pattern for small sizes.  It is a size 0-3 months from Ellen McCarn's regular Baby Bishops pattern.  It is just much smaller than anything I have stitched recently!  I usually make a larger size for baby gifts, so the baby will have something to wear later.  This time, I wanted to give something that she might be able to wear home or for Easter.

Surgery at Saint Marys

Mayo 7 West is where I reported for all vision tests, appointments and meetings with my surgeon.

Surgery was performed at Saint Marys Hospital, located a few miles down the street from the Mayo Clinic.

 I do not have any photographs of the hospital, and really wish I did.  One end of the lobby was filled with a towering Christmas tree comprised only of fresh red poinsettias.  A life size creche was at its base.

Saint Marys Hospital serves only Mayo patients and is staffed exclusively by Mayo Clinic physicians.  After Rochester suffered a devastating tornado in 1883, Mother Alfred Moes and the Sisters of Saint Francis wished to build a hospital for the sick and injured residents of Southern Minnesota.  Their one condition was that William Mayo and his sons provide the medical services.  An agreement was reached and the hospital opened with 27 beds in 1889.  It now has 1265 beds.

The morning of surgery would be one of the coldest of our visit.  With temperatures at -10, and wind chill factor closer to -20, we were a pair of icicles as we headed to our car.

When I first began speaking with representatives from the clinic and city hotels, they often referred to the parking "ramps".  It all sounded a little strange to me.  In Dallas, almost every professional building, hospital, shopping mall, convention center, hotel and even churches have parking "garages".  I was informed by a Minnesota friend that a garage is an enclosed structure, and a ramp is not.  Well, the public parking garages in Texas are not normally enclosed, but we also do not receive three feet of snow and experience sub-zero temperatures on a regular basis!

Much of the 2nd Street Parking Ramp, attached to our hotel, was inaccessible due to piles and drifts of snow, but I digress.

Through an icy parking ramp and streets, we crunched our way to Saint Marys.  The hour of our arrival and departure was outside the normal operating times of the hospital shuttle.

We were quickly met in the lobby by an escort and taken to my room.  I was given a hospital gown in a shade of blue that coordinated nicely with my frozen nose and lips. 

A nurse with a great sense of humor wheeled me toward the pre-op waiting room.  Christmas carols were softly playing, and I was issued one more item-- the ever fetching papery shower-cap-looking-thingy.  They really know how to make a girl feel lovely!  Dr. H, suddenly appeared at my side and inked his initials onto my forehead above each eye.  He promised that when it was all over, I would be left only with aligned eyes and not his monogram.

I believed him.

During surgery, the thickened and tight muscles preventing my eyes from focusing properly would be detached.  They would then be reattached farther back on the eye, allowing proper muscle coordination and focusing.  The incisions were made in the conjunctiva, the thin covering over the white of the eye.  

Dr. H determined measurements for relocation through earlier vision tests and examinations.  Surgery lasted three hours.  I woke in Recovery to the all-too-familiar question of rating pain on a scale of 1 to 10.

At that point, 10 might not have been high enough -- especially after I was informed that Dr. H preferred no additional pain medication.  The procedure used is called adjustable suture surgery.  I would need to be awake and coherent for the second part of the procedure which would take place a few hours later.

 I considered requesting being wheeled outside and allowed to bury my head in one of the many piles of snow to ease the pain.  However, I feared that might be frowned upon.

Instead, I asked one of the nurses to describe the appearance of my eyes.

Let's just say she lied.  She was very kind, but not at all truthful!

These are my lovely sci-fi horror movie eyes about two or three days after surgery.

They were so red they glowed.  Quite apppropriate for the season!

In the photograph, at the tip of each arrow, is a black blob.  Those are sutures at the site of the incisions.  There is one more incision, in each eye, beneath the lower lid.

About three hours after returning to my room, Dr. H arrived to evaluate eye alignment.

The suture threads were several inches long, trailing out of my eyes, and taped to my cheeks.  He could adjust the tension on the muscles through the temporary suture knots, if necessary.

He told me it would tickle. 

A word of caution:  if a doctor tells you it will tickle, do not believe him.

The surface of my eyes were anesthetized with drops.

The sutures were tied with permanent knots and still remain in my eyes today.  Those in the above photograph should dissolve in time.

The ones beneath the lower lids were made with permanent suture thread for added stability.  They will be removed during my follow-up visit in February.

My eyes are now slightly less red.  They usually feel gritty and dry.  After surgery, I was placed on a regimen of steroid, antibiotic and lubricant eye drops.  The antibiotics have now ceased, but steroid and lubricant eye drops continue.  I will most likely always require the use of artificial tears or lubricant eye drops.

Once Dr. H and the nurses were confident that I was able to walk down the hall, eat, drink and use the restroom, I was discharged.  We spent about 12 hours at Saint Marys.  We crunched our way back through the icy streets to our hotel, where I would spend the next three days recuperating.

Bright and cheerful flowers from a dear friend would brighten our room.

Emails, texts and phone calls would lessen the pain, provide encouragement and remind us that we were constantly held in prayer.

At the end of the week, Dr. H informed us that I had surpassed even his expectations.  I informed him it was obviously the result of so many prayers on my and his behalf.  I honestly believe that.

Prior to surgery, distant vision was worse and near vision was better.  After surgery, it is the opposite.  It will take time for my eyes, muscles and brain to adjust to the changes and learn to work together again.

Ideally, my vision should continue to improve over the next 6-8 weeks as healing continues.

There is also a chance that it could begin to deteriorate.

I will always have Graves Disease.  I will always have thyroid eye disease.  There will probably always be slight double vision when I turn my head too quickly, or look in certain directions.  I may never again be able to wear my contact lens.  However, many prayers have been answered.  Many things once again bring great joy, instead of frustration and anger.  Life will return to normal, or a new normal.

As we bid Dr. H farewell, I had to inquire why he would leave his homeland of England and travel to one of the coldest regions of our country.  His first response was "romance". That made me smile!  Somewhere along the way, he met and married an American.

He went on to inform us that he would never have as many opportunities in England to research, teach and practice his chosen field of medicine.

No doubt, there is room for improvement in the way health care is managed in our country.  Yet, we are also fortunate to be a country where many are eager to come, learn, treat and teach others.

Throughout my time at Mayo, I was struck how many times staff members told me how much they love what they do, and it is obvious they are being sincere.

I am fortunate to have the resources and knowledge to seek the finest care.  I realize that is not always true for others.  It is my hope and prayer that someday it will be.

I am forever grateful for a doctor willing to take a chance on a difficult case such as mine.

I am also forever grateful for each of you, your prayers, your support and your encouragement.

I believe God's timing is perfect.

It is almost a new year.

It is time to begin stitching, creating and celebrating life again.

It is time to have fun again!

   

 

Blessing of a Silent Night

In the hustle and the bustle, the hurry and the scurry, may you also find the time to remember and celebrate the true reason for this season.

As you read this, my husband and I will be returning home from Rochester.

The gift I received this year is more priceless than any found under a tree or in a stocking.

It was found in the hands of a skilled surgeon, the prayers of friends known and unknown, and through the grace of a great God.

Update from Rochester

Courtyard of Gonda Building at Mayo Clinic, Rochester MN

We slipped and slid into Rochester on icy roads last night.

Temperatures are frigid!

We are now very good at winding our way through subways and skywalks, without ever setting foot outside.

Piles of snow are everywhere.  The photograph above, taken in a fairly well protected area, does not begin to depict the abundance of  frozen white stuff!

I flew through my pre-op labs and tests.

Surgery is scheduled for 10 am tomorrow.  The operation will take three to four hours.  Four muscles on each eye will be surgically repositioned, in hopes of lessening my current double vision.  Additional adjustments to the muscles will be made over the next few days, to obtain optimum success with this surgery.

I have great faith in my surgeon and his team, but realize this is truly in the hands of someone even greater.

In the meantime, I am in a winter wonderland during the season of  magic, hope and joy!

Your prayers and messages have touched my heart.

I am truly blessed, and thank each of you.

I will see you here again, soon!

Yes, Jan, there is a Santa Claus

My Santa is not quite as chubby as this one.

His hair is dark brown, instead of white.

There is no beard.

His wears a white coat, instead of red trimmed with fur.

It is not quite as cold as the North Pole, where he lives . . .

but almost.

My Santa, complete with elves, is at the Mayo Clinic.  He is determined to see my Christmas wish come true.

A call was received yesterday.

It was confirmed today.

I will meet with the surgeon, anesthesiologist and other members of the team on Monday.

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, December 14.

The doctor feels this needs to be done now, rather than later.

There may be no tree or decorations at our home this holiday.

There may be no shopping for presents.

There will be a gift, perhaps even a miracle.

To say I am scared, is an understatement.

I am not nearly as brave and calm as some might believe.

I have placed my life, my eyes and my hope in the hands of numerous doctors during the last 18 months.  There have been complications and disappointments.  It is sometimes difficult to trust again.

It would also be difficult to never see clearly again.

We are packing the bags and heading back to Rochester! 

Actually, I never quite got around to unpacking!

Return from Rochester

Thank you so much for all the prayers and positive thoughts during our recent journey to Rochester, Minnesota.  We managed to travel both directions safely, and missed most of the snow and bad weather.   It began snowing as we headed back home.  For a couple of hours, we drove through a white winter wonderland.   I now have a new appreciation for the word "cold".  Temperatures were usually between 10 and 20 degrees.  If I ever again complain about cold temperatures in my part of the country, my friends to the north are more than welcome to stuff their mittens and mufflers in my mouth!

Actually, the people in Rochester are quite smart.  The majority of hotels, shops, restaurants and Mayo Clinic buildings are linked by a series of underground tunnels and skywalks.  You really do not need to venture out into the cold much at all.

We were able to dine at the same restaurant where my husband often dined, as a child, with his mother and a beloved aunt.  The restaurant, Michaels, is still owned and operated by the same family 50 years later.  His favorite entree of roasted duck with wild rice is still served.  Our meal was delicious, and the waitress kind enough to listen to my husband's trip down memory lane.  Bless her heart!

We also took a quick detour to Janesville, to catch a quick glimpse of his grandparents' home.  The building which once housed his grandfather's Chevrolet dealership and repair service is still standing, although greatly modified and serving a different purpose.  The grocery store and Dairy Queen, where many nickles and dimes were spent on treats, are still in business.

We also walked down hallways at the Mayo Clinic where his mother and father once might have walked.

It is somehow reassuring to know that some things never change.

The ophthamologist, with whom we met, described my case of thyroid eye disease as one of the most severe and complex he has seen.  Treatment options that might be advantageous to others, will not benefit me.

The best that can be offered is a series of surgeries that will lessen, but not completely reverse the double vision.  He believes the amount of time that I am currently able to align my eyes for normal vision will continue to decrease.  Each day, I seem to notice more deterioriation. 

His surgery schedule is currently filled for the next three months.  So, we have time to continue researching, thinking and making decisions.  Should openings in the surgery schedule become available, we will be notified.  Truthfully, at this time, I am not too eager to agree to additional surgeries.

The journey to Mayo Clinic did make one thing clear.

The halls are filled with thousands of people, all searching for their own medical miracle.

While our individual battles may seem insurmountable to each of us, many are fighting wars that may never be won.  They would gladly trade places with me.

The holidays are a time of hope and miracles.

I continue to cling to that promise.

I also continue to pray for grace to accept and make the best of my situation --

what it is now, and what it may become.

Maybe Mayo . . .

and not the type that comes in a jar, but the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.

Many of you have been so very kind to inquire about the current status of my eyes.  You may have noticed that I mostly ignored those questions, or said very little.  It is partly because there are not many answers right now, and  partly because I continue to be in denial about some things.

Recent CT scans and appointments with specialists have not been encouraging.

The optic muscles and tissues are continuing to swell and enlarge, possibly creating new problems and worsening the double vision.  I now experience double vision most of the time.  With great effort and concentration, I am able to sometimes focus well enough to type and read.  For that small blessing I am extremely grateful.

I have been able to do some machine sewing, but my eyes, head and neck become very tired.

I have also tried smocking.  That actually went better than expected -- as long as I don't stick the needle in my eye or nose!  I have to hold the stitching only inches away from the wonky eyeballs in order to focus and see.  We are in the process of moving computers.  I find it easier to use a laptop, as the screen adjusts more easily for viewing.  However, being technically challenged, we have not figured out an easy way to download photographs from my camera to my laptop.  Thus, the shortage of recent photographs here.  I will keep working on that, or maybe ask Santa for an upgrade!

When I first began this journey, my surgeon promised he would do all he could to prevent complete loss of vision. 

He was successful in that endeavor.  I can see, it is just in a different, and often perplexing, manner.

There remains much for which I am thankful.  There are also times when anger creeps in.  Tears are frequent.  Doors have been slammed, and temper tantrums have been thrown.  Then, I calm down and reach for the nearest piece of chocolate!

One of the most difficult aspects for me is the variance in suggestions from my many doctors.  Some say to patch an eye.  Others say to refrain from patching.  Some suggest warm compresses.  Others suggest cold.  If  two would agree on just one thing, I would be a happy girl!

During my last doctor's visit, we were given the option of visiting other specialists around the country.  At this time, my records are being gathered and transferred to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

My husband is actually rather excited about the prospect of appointments there.  Both his mother and father had  professional ties with the clinic.  In our attic, are dusty autographed photographs of the Mayo brothers themselves, as well as other gatherings and events involving medical professionals from the clinic.  My husband spent many childhood summers in Rochester.  He is looking forward to taking a trip back in time.  I am looking forward to moving ahead.  I am not looking forward to visiting Minnesota in the dead of winter.  My deepest apology to dear Minnesota friends!

As I recently shared with a very special group of prayer warriors, I no longer ask that my eyes be healed.  Instead, I pray for the grace to accept my current vision and the life changes it brings.

I continue to be so very richly blessed.

Thank you for caring.

Eye Update

I cannot begin to express how touched I am each time a dear reader inquires about my eyes and the healing process.  While this is definitely not one of the prettier entries I have posted, I thought maybe it would be healing in its own way for me.  I seem to have hit a wall in believing that I will ever be back to normal, and am trying very hard to accept my new "normal" and limitations.  Perhaps by looking back to where I have been, I will realize how far I have actually come.

So, reader beware!  There are some rather unattractive photographs to follow!

This is my right eye, the first to receive orbital decompression surgery.  These photographs were taken approximately six days after surgery, and just prior to the stitches being removed.  Much of the swelling, and some bruising, had already subsided.

Lovely, no?

This is the left eye, about one week after surgery.  My surgeon is so proud of his tiny stitches!  Maybe we need to teach him the fine art of hiding those knots, though!  If you look closely, the last stitch on the right includes a huge knot.  That thing hung on for dear life, even after all the other stitches were removed or dissolved.

These stitches remained in place for approximately one week after surgery.

For the first 24 hours immediately following each surgery, there were large basting stitches that ran from my eyebrow down to under the eye.  They were removed just before I was discharged from the hospital.

Since these photographs are gruesome enough, I won't even begin to describe some of the other very frightening and ugly things that happened to my eyes, nose and face immediately after surgery and during the first 7-10 days of recovery.

This is my left eye today. 

The scar will eventually fade, and blend into other creases and wrinkles at the corner of my eye.  You may also be able to detect that my upper eyelid remains somewhat swollen.

There is still numbness surrounding both incisions, sides of my face and forehead, and extending back to my ears.

Overall, my surgeon is very pleased with my progress.  He does admit to being a little mystified about the swelling of my left eye.  The current suggestion is to try sleeping with my head more elevated, and not sleeping on that side.  Therein lies a small problem!  I have always been more of a left side sleeper.  However, I do notice a difference that various sleeping positions make.

I had a follow-up appointment with the retina specialist yesterday.  There was some improvement in the weak spots detected last month.  He believes the blobs and flashing lights I continue to see will lessen over time.  Patience seems to be a running theme here.

The biggest problem is a continued presence of double vision.

My left eye is not moving in sync with my right eye, causing an ovelay of images.  Upon waking each morning, I see two of everything.  Sometimes seeing two of certain things is a blessing.  Many times not!  I have to determine which door or wall is real, so that I will not end up with even more bruises and scars.  There have been a few juice glasses and cereal bowls broken when I chose the "wrong" kitchen counter or breakfast table!  A sense of humor and non-attachment to material items is necessary in this healing process.

You may be able to tell from this photograph that my eyes are not looking in the same direction.  My left eye tends to gaze downward and to the right.  I have a lovely view of my nose!

You can also see it is more swollen and puffy, compared to the right.

It takes about two to three hours each morning, and lots of concentration on my part, to finally have more-or-less single vision.  The double vision will sometimes reappear during the day, especially if I am tired or using my eyes a great deal.  It is also more likely to reappear when I attempt long distance viewing.  Therefore, driving and other activities remain difficult or impossible.  I am able to drive on neighborhood streets, but driving on busy multi-lane thoroughfares or expressways is not a good idea.  Sometimes watching television, viewing movies in a theater or walking through large stores is difficult.  I really miss my freedom and independence.

I currently wear my glasses, but may be able to return to contacts once the incisions have fully healed and swelling subsides. 

Through all of this, the important thing for me to remember is that I still have vision!  Everything else is really just small inconveniences and points of vanity.  My surgeon promised that he would not let me go blind, and he has delivered on that promise.

Patience, determination and faith seem to be my best prescription and hope for a return to my previous lifestyle and activities..  Again, I am so grateful for each and every prayer offered on my behalf, for each sign of friendship and kindess extended in my direction. 

Even with wonky eyes, I am truly blessed.

Rest

This week, I began to see more blobs and bright lights in my left eye. 

Yesterday, I interrupted my husband during a business lunch and informed him we needed to drive to a hospital in a neighboring city.  I was scheduled for an emergency appointment and examination with a retina specialist.

Fortunately, the conclusion is that I do not have a retina tear or the the beginning of a retina detachment.  However, there is cause for concern.

I may have tried to do a little too much too soon following the surgery on my left eye.

So, I am taking a rest from the computer and other activities for a few days.

Farewell to Peas!

Since my first surgery on June 30, frozen peas have been an almost constant companion.  They have been plastered to one or both eyes throughout the days and nights to help decrease swelling and increase healing.

I now bid them adieu, and move on to warm compresses on both eyes!

My surgeon continues to be mostly pleased with the outcome of both surgeries.

I am currently seeing a dark blob in my left eye.  Fingers crossed that it is simply caused by swelling, and will disappear as that eye continues to heal.

As a precaution, restrictions on activities have been extended for a little longer.

Double vision is still present, and most likely will continue for anywhere from three to six weeks.  At that time, we will determine whether additional treatment or surgery is necessary.

Mostly, I am so very thankful to have the surgeries behind me and so very hopeful for a full recovery within the coming weeks.

No doubt, many of your prayers and well wishes have brought me safely to this point.

I am forever grateful.

It is my joy in life to find

At every turning of the road

The strong arm of a comrade kind

To help me onward with my load.

And since I have no gold to give,

And love alone must make amends,

My only prayer is, while I live,

God make me worthy of my friends.

                                                        ~Frank Dempster Sherman~

Same Song, Second Verse

By the time many of you read this, I will be undergoing the second in a series of eye surgeries to save my vision.  If you are new to my blog, or missed my previous post, you may read more here.

The good thing about this second surgery:  I know what to expect.

The bad thing about this second surgery:  I know what to expect!

There is one more good thing: 

Now both eyes will be swollen, both sides of my face will be sore and discolored, and I will have matching incisions at the outer corners of both eyes.

I prefer, after all, to be a well-balanced person!

So, the good outweighs the bad!

Since my last update, it does appear that the majority of vision in my right eye was saved.

I am a lucky, lucky girl!

In the past few days, I was determined to start stitching again!

The process was slow, with limited vision.  This little dress still lacks buttonholes, buttons and a hem.

However, with God's grace and the prayers of dear friends, I know that I will return to complete it and many more.

I have scheduled a few other posts in the coming days.

I will see you again here a little later.

In the meantime, you know what to do:

Stitch, create, decorate and appreciate!

It's a wonderful life!

Back Live and with a Winner!

My momma always said,  "Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what your're gonna get."

                                                                                 ~Forrest Gump~

Momma was right.  You just never know.

The past weeks (and those yet to come) have certainly not been what I ever expected to happen in my life.

The stitches from my right eye have been removed, and the surgeon is pleased.

I cannot see clearly yet, so the amount of vision preserved is unknown.  We are grateful for any amount.

Double vision remains, and will continue until all surgeries and healing are completed.

I am becoming fairly good at doing most things with just one eye.

Well, I have managed to run into a few walls, or miss the countertop when setting down a plate, but I could have easily done that with two good eyes.  I just now have a valid excuse!

Surgery on the left eye is scheduled for next week, Wednesday, July 14.

Surgery and recovery will be a little more difficult, since I am so fresh from the first surgery.  However, we decided it best to keep moving forward without hesitation.

Words can never express my gratitude for all the prayers offered and kindness bestowed upon me and my family.  The cards, emails and surprises always arrived when I needed them most.  

My body may ache, but my soul has never known such peace, warmth and love.

I am truly blessed.

The photographs are decadent artisan chocolates from some of my sweetest friends.

I only wish we could share them in person!  They are deeeelicious!

 

And now for the winner of my Sew Serendipity give away!

Nancy of Nancy's Couture is the lucky recipient!

You may contact me at bessiemaryblog at gmail dot com, and provide a mailing address.

Congratulations and enjoy!