My Thoughts on Megirot, pt ii

Once again, let me preface this with the fact that I have no inside knowledge of Megeirot or the people involved, just the summary and some details I have seen in blogs and articles. My reaction is to the concepts, as described. I might not have set out my thoughts on the matter -- for why should anyone care? But once I posted someone else's take on it, I thought it would be good to clarify my own position on it.

The good: In the past post, I explained that even though the idea of raising drawer-cleaning to ritual strikes me as silly, and even though I think it is pop-psychology clothed as religion, there are some good aspects to it. Namely, it is good to engage in self-introspection and it is good for harried religious women to have a kosher support group. It may well be that Megeirot or programs like it are the only realistic way for them to have it. And even if some of Megirot is ineffective or silly, the process of engaging in it with other people in the same boat and with someone to support and listen to you can have real emotional psychological effect.

The worrisome: However, in general, present-day Orthodox Judaism has its problem with folk-religion. To a large extent such trends are checked among men, who have plenty of Jewish ritual to engage in, and gemara and so on to keep them occupied. But particularly among frum Jewish women, there is a risk of falling into the trap of folk-religion.

Why particularly women?

First, often (though not always) they are taught lots of "fluff" in school. Like in one concrete example, when they are taught that the purpose hair-covering is so that their hair will be super-special for their husband, but are not told anything about the Das Yehudis or sear beIsha erva. Or hashkafa, which is not a serious source-based discussion, but a mussar shmuez reflecting the particular biases of their teacher. So when they encounter someone else saying incorrect fluff, it is hard to distinguish and say why this particular fluff is wrong.

Secondly, in many cases, they are not given the place to express themselves in Jewish ritual. The husband's role is to learn, and the woman's role is to cook supper, get the kids dressed, and clean the drawers. This is an overstatement, but one pulled from a recent comment on this blog. Since Judaism does not give them the ritual, they sometimes make ritual up, or else invest existing actions with deeper significance.

I made this point in an earlier post, when I suggested that when the gemara states that "the best of women practices witchcraft" means particularly the best, who seek spiritual fulfillment, just as "the best of doctors" in that gemara meant particularly the best.

Thus, baking challah in honor of Shabbos is a great thing to do -- and halachic sources even insisted that the man should do this in honor of Shabbos (though Aruch haShulchan says that it is OK for the wife to do it because of ishto kegufo). But since this has developed into woman's work, and she is the one who does hafrashat challah, this has been changed into a ritual for a coven of women. They get together in groups made up of specific (in-)signicant numbers of people, have names of people who need a shidduch or a refuah sheleima, and have them in mind when they perform their ritual. And they come up with silly "fluff" about the mystical significance of the ingredients of challah, and so on.

Women's prayer groups are the efforts of feminists to practice rituals usually reserved just for men. But the "frum" variant is more problematic, in my opinion. They consider Amen to be a word of power, and they meet at the new moon.

A similar problem with Shir haShirim groups. Women like romance, and shir hashirim uses the metaphor of a man and his lover, so this is something women should form a group to say. And of course have in mind shidduchim. And women talk a lot! 9 measures of talk was given to women. So they should have Shmiras haLashon groups, once again having in mind particular people in need of assistance. So these become rituals and segulahs to bring about a particular desired result.

Sometimes, the transforming of life experiences into segulahs and rituals takes away from the living of those life experiences. I have seen kallahs shuffling down the aisle reading a list of names (of sick or single) or saying tehillim, while crying, rather than experiencing the joy and experience of getting married to her bashert. All because the time is portentous, and must be harnessed into a segulah.

Megeirot seems to be along the same lines. Women are overworked, but their role is surely in the home -- making me a sandwich. (I kid, I kid.) And so a ritual is made out of ... cleaning drawers.

I did not mention the competing group -- Chitulim. The idea in this movement is that before changing a diaper, the mother must say a prayer to Hashem. As she uses the baby wipe, she must contemplate what sort of c**p in her life she would like to clear away.

Such is obviously ridiculous. I made it up. Yet Megeirot is taken seriously! Chazal never ritualized drawer cleaning. This is a made-up modern ritual which fills a void.

I must hasten to say that that does not mean that there cannot be value in this. It is good to invest our lives with meaning, and to find meaning in the otherwise mundane.

But here are a group of women following what might be considered a guru figure who are coming up with tefillot to say at this particular ritualized act. I believe that part of the reason of Baal Tosif is to prevent this organic, wild growth of our religion.

That brings me to the founder of this group. There is nothing that says that a woman cannot be spiritual and knowledgable. But when men try to lead, they do so within the framework of established halacha, with a long and developed history behind it. And they do so as rabbis, where there is peer review. One rises in the ranks as one is recognized for knowledge and insight into halacha and hashkafa. And if one diverges, other rabbis are there to challenge it. (At least in an ideal world. But at least these checks are in place.)

Meanwhile, there is no post of "rabbi" for a woman. There is rebbetzin, which many may earn just by marrying a rabbi. In the case of Rabbanit Keren, I saw on a discussion board that a woman asked her rebbetzin whether Rabbanit Keren's practices were off the deep end. The rebbetzin responded that even though this is not our hashkafa, she is a rebbetzin, which means that she is married to a rabbi, which in turn means that he presumably knows about and approves of her message. So she is not off the deep end, but must be based on a legitimate position. Meanwhile, the husband in that case was not really a force in the home.

There are no checks and balances in place, the women who attend are used to fluff, and the connection is to a type of "guru" figure.

The head of Megeirot might not say a single word of kefirah, may say over divrei Torah, and want to bring people close to Hashem. That does not mean that she is a professional therapist who understands what will positively or negatively affect people in general and people in particular; it also does not mean that she knows what Torah sources should be brought to bear, and which to be given prominence, in any given situation.

Thus, this may be true:

No matter what the student said, the instructor was told to tell her: "Sheker (falsehood), that is a statement of the ordinary sechel (intellect) which is your non-sechel. You don't have any sechel." Then the student recited a prayer, intended to redirect the woman's thoughts.

If true, and if this is a bad thing, it is not because of any evil intent of the founder of Megeirot, but because she is not a trained therapist.

Furthermore, back to the fluff angle. I know that many, many things can be cast as a Jewish ideas, when one uses the right words and frames it appropriately. This has happened many times in the distant and recent past. If Rav Dov Lior "warned that it was not based on Jewish teachings," this is quite possible, even though followers of Megeirot will gladly and readily engage in argument that it does.

It is also worrisome that in defending the group and the group leader, someone would see fit to compare Sylvie to Rav Nachman of Breslov or to the Baal Shem Tov. This suggests that the group is more serious about themselves and their practices than I first thought. Usually, we try to vet our leaders more thoroughly. As the saying goes, "Sunshine is the best disinfectant."

I do not know of any particulars of it, and do not intend to get into any particulars. However, perhaps in the next post (if I decide to post it), I will discuss a bit about why I think discussing perceived problems, or problematic experiences, about something which has the form of a cult, might be a good thing, even if (and I am not saying it does or does not) such goes against the laws of lashon hara.

My Thoughts on Megirot, pt i

Let me preface this by noting that I know nothing of Megirot personally, but just impressions from what I have read in articles and blogs. And there is no real reason you should really care about my take over that of anyone else. However, I do have some thoughts about it. And since I posted Yehuda's comment last week and mentioned that I might try to explain what I agreed with and disagreed with, this will be part of my attempt to follow through.

In this post, I will try to put forth the reasons for Megirot, though tempered somewhat. Perhaps in a later post I will elaborate on the possible causes for concern.

I think that to a large degree, the concept of Megirot is silly. It is pop-psychology by people who are not trained psychologists. And it is masked as religion, and specifically Jewish religion, but it is really folk-religion with a Jewish tinge, guided someone who is not a professional member of the clergy. So there is what to worry about. If that declaration runs afoul of the laws of lashon hara, so be it. I will try to elaborate on why I think this later, bli neder -- perhaps in a different post.

However, there are people in need of help. And I recall a research study in psychology that compared different therapy methods -- e.g. Freudian therapy, Rogerian, Gestalt therapy, etc. -- I am giving examples not from memory, but rather making up the specific examples. But the most important factor in success was not the particular method, but rather whether the therapist believed in it. Now this could be because those who believed in the method were more likely to be effective in applying it. But I think that one should not dismiss the relationship which develops between the therapist. And if the therapist believes it will work, and is committed to it, this will be conveyed to the patient. And the bond with another human being is good to improve one's emotional and mental health. Call this a placebo effect if you will, but this is an actual psychological effect, and its benefit should not be dismissed.

Referring to Yehuda's particular case, as representative of many other cases I am sure exist. Raising 8 children is hard, as this cartoon illustrates:

This can be quite a burden to place on any person. Especially if money is tight as well, as seems to be the case. And post-partum depression can also factor in. To have to look after the kids, clean the house after all these kids, prepare meals, worry about money, etc., with the possibility of more kids on the way when you already cannot cope, is something that most of us cannot really imagine.

Such a person needs a support group, or a therapist, or something. At the least, a book club, to make friends, vent, etc. Or a support group of people going through similar things. Or a therapist to whom one can express and explore one's feelings and psyche. But what are the possibilities of this in a chareidi neighborhood. I don't know, but I would guess slim. Going to a psychologist might bring on stigma that could make it difficult to marry off those 8 kids. Hanging around discussing novels? What a waste of time! Is that something a righteous Jewish woman would do?! Perhaps she could join a tehillim zugging group, or a challah baking group. Or -- one could practice Megirot and go to Megirot groups.

The beauty of Megirot is that it casts itself as a religious activity. One transforms the mundane into the spiritual. And thus one prays, saying "Ana Hashem..." before cleaning any drawer. One goes to a spiritual advisor. And by making use of Jewish or Jewish-sounding concepts, it sounds like a religious activity. And this religious garb is good because it provides an opportunity to women who previously would not be able to participate in it.

A prayer to Hashem might be said before cleaning a drawer, but the important aspect is not the talking to God, but the talking to oneself. This is introspection, and thinking about what one could or wants to change about one's life. And this takes what would otherwise be drudge work, or an overwhelming task for an overworked mother, and turns it into a reflective, transformative experience. This is good.

Further, one attends classes with other women who are going through many of the same problems, and who sought out megirot as a result. This provides a sense of community and a sense that they are not alone in their struggles. And talking over, and preparing "prayers" with a spiritual megirot advisor is a form of therapy.

Of course, in many cases, it is possible that these amatuer "therapists" do not know what they are doing, and can thus unwittingly influence vulnerable people in negative directions. And the focus on the ideas and personality of one perhaps troubled individual can lead one astray. And there is a problem of the (unwitting) coopting of religion for this end, which together with many other things can move the practice of Judaism in a direction it should not go. It is part of a negative trend and may be somewhat cult-like. Even though it might not be avodah zarah, it may be problematic to have such a set-up in the general case. Though for an individual case, if someone's sanity or emotional well-being is dependant upon it, even I might say that one should do this.

This post was meant to argue in favor of megirot, though I think it is balanced. If I get around to making the next post, it would be an expansion of what I only hinted at above -- e.g., why I think this is folk religion, even if every idea can be found in sources; the ritualization of mundane activities, because of the present restricted role for women in ritual Jewish life; and why individual warning signs should be made public, even if a strict reading of Shmirat haLashon would indicate otherwise. No promises, though.

Another Take On Megirot

I {=Josh} do not entirely agree with all the following, but I thought I would do "Yehuda" a favor and give his comment prominence. Bli neder, and if I get the time, I may dissect this next week to explain what parts I agree and disagree with, and why. (Update: Here is my first reaction post.) At any rate, here is Yehuda's comment, posted in response to this old blogpost of mine, or perhaps initially to a post at another blog:

Great Loshon Horah. Great Motzei shem Rah!...Congratulations on spreading lies about people, their families, their children, all on the hearsey of others who hold grudges and have ulterier motives.
I am sorry to break up your motzei shem rah party. I have read Shmirot Haloshon about 14 times in detail, including in depth, and you are no different than any other group of Ballei loshon horah, or even worse, Motzei Shem Rah, which is considered by the Rambam to be equal to the severity of the 3 major sins of, avodah zorah, murder, and arios.
My Chardei wife has been involved in megeriot for 4 years. It has absolutely changed her life and mine. She couldn't take care of our household of 8. I was washing dishes. I was doing alot of the cooking and I almost couldn't take anymore the non stop arguments between me and my wife. It was gehinnom. when I saw my wife changing, little by little, each month it was amazing. She became a Yiddeshe mother. No more anger. Her strength came back, and she does EVERYTHING in the house. She is a real kiddush hashem and speaks very nicely to the children, and me her husband. ....what a cult.!!!
I saw her each day doing megirot. what did she do? she went through the shelves and drawers in the house "that she had made", and was able to find many many things that she didn't need. When you ask yourself a real question...why am i holding on to things I no longer use etc, you just may get to know yourself. The idea is to free ourselves from all of our negative thoughts, and limitations. And, each time she did this, she did it with a prayer. "Anah Hashem.....please help me with this middah or that middah." Everyday she was saying over and over again ..Ana Hasem, (what a cult). It doesn't surprise me that in our velt today, saying "anah Hashem is a cult".
Of course in the time of the Bal Shem Tov, the vilna goan and many others called him an epikores. In fact many Litveshe Rabbanim were very very against the Chassidic Admorim and put those in cherem who belonged to these "cults" as well.
So, when I saw one day an article in the hamodia-English, filled with Motzei Shem Rah, with the name of this Rav and that Rav, that a new cult has been discovered..called megirot, I was very very disappointed. Why? I knew that these Rabbanim did not know anything about megirot and certainly didn't go to a class, but they have their askanim who look around for problems and come back and report on things they see as problems. The rabbanim completely rely upon these askanim and that is it.
Now, I have been learning in known Yeshivot for many years, and am considered a respectful Chareidi family. I am sorry, but I have seen for years with "my own ears and eyes," (a prerequisite of shmirot Haloshon), and I know that saying "Anah Hashem", (something that I myself should be saying more often,) and clearing out drawers, is in NO WAY whatsoever a cult or avoda zorah. I was ver dis heartened to see how low in this long golus we have sunk, to use such big names of Rabbanim and to say in their names "CULT", avodah zorah", and if they allowed their names to be used this way, then I am even more dis heartened.
I myself have spoken to Sylvia for many many hours on the phone, and I never heard once a word of Kefirah, or avodah zorah etc. ANd I did keep my ears open to be sure. She is a Yirei Shemayim, and as is her derech, she will never respond to any criticism since she knows it is all from Hashem and for her to grow.
I went to Harav Moshe Halbershtam, zt"l, with my wife, and he himself said, "What, clearing out your drawers is avodah zorah"?? He did not forbid my wife to do it, we in fact we asked why they came out with their P'sak, (i.e the aidah Hacharadit) against it. The answer... "WE don't want our Chareidishe women mixing with the mizrachi type" This was the answer from Harav Shternbuch who I know personally.(So, if this is the reason, then say so,,, but to call it and everyone involved in it cult members and ovdei avoda zorah?)
It should be known that the Chasidishe admorim did not assur it, Belz, and one very well know Tdadik type admore (I will not mention his name on the internet) Has 2 of his daughters still doing it, (with a Chareidi counselor).
The one who wrote the artcile above (Erlich), I can promise you she is not very "Erlich" at all. She with out any permssion went into someone's private home, (not a public building) with the direct intention to defame someone. I promise that the house owner would not have agreed, (g'neives daas). She is a friend of another mizrachi women who had a grudge against sylvia for not allowing her to continue with the shiurim.they planned this set up, and there you have it, lies about sex, money etc.
I can tell you, that my wife has spent hundreds of hours on the phone with Sylvia over the years, and she was never charged one shekel!!!!! I myself have spoken to her on the phone, and she never asked for money. The one's who pay are the one's who are able to. She does not care about money. I am saying because I know first hand.
Just like when someone comes to a dyan for a judgment, can the dyan hear the diyyun if he has personal gripe against the person? this Erlich is no better.
I know of another chareidishe women from Meah Shearim, (I met her personally), and she begged Rav Halbershtam to allow her to continue with this "CULT", and he did. (can you imagine a rav in the aida allowing a frum women to continue going to cult meetings.?
Isn't it disheartning that all of us poor nebech, chareidim with yeshiva and bais yaakov backgrounds, all of that Torah education...we can't know what a cult is..avodah zora, etc.
And all of those lies about sex, taking things out of context to do the final asassination.
If I had lived 250 years ago, I would have chosen to be in cherem and follow the Baal Shem tovs cult, and of cours Rabbi Nachman's. I also would have followed the Ramchal's cult as well, (as they were all called in those days). Well, now I have a real wife, she cooks she cleans, she davens, she honors me and respects me, and she honors herself as well. This is another cult that I will stay in.
Let it be known, not ever shiur is for everyone, not every shul is for everyone, and not every neighborhood is for everyone....but the Emmes must be spoken!
I swear that all of the above I know personally, and not hearsay. All is true and factual.