@#$% It! We'll Do It Live!! ALDS GAME 4

I'LL WRITE IT AND WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!! That's right people, I'm live-blogging for the win. I figure I can add a little extra mojo, a little extra grit and a little extra... I dunno... Bill O'Reilly power? I want to avoid a plane ride back to California and the bleeding eyes I am sure Dice-K will provide. We must now put our hopes on the back of the Jon "big game" Lester and his cancer beating arm. Please end this now. PLAY US OUT!!

Anyway, I will be back at this spot (and DC with a chicken wing dinner and a pile of beers) every half inning to recap, expound, expand, poke fun and wish bodily harm upon Mike Napoli. I mean REALLY? Napoli? I don't know what that means!

See you at 8:27 or whenever TBS decides to put this on.

Start: We are good to GO! Well everyone but Mike Lowell. His corpse has been put on the DL for the rest of this series and the ALCS (if the Sox get there) against the Rays (who just put the White Sox away). It's a HUGE loss, but last years WS MVP wasn't really contributing anyway... so maybe it will be addition by subtraction.

1st Inning: Buck Martinez (not Showalter) just said the Red Sox have 3 jack rabbits? I'm not even drunk yet. I don't think. Good news is that Lester could be ONE of those jack rabbits... he MOWS down the Angels 1, 2, 3... a good sign, a good start. Too bad the Sox bat's were just as quiet. The 1,2,3 bottom of the 1st included a pop up for the Struggling Dusting Pedroia (who might make that his legal name). I bet he's glad they vote for the MVP before the playoffs. Sox 0, Angels 0

2nd Inning: Lester gets Vlad out quick (whew... guy scares the crap out of me), gets Hunter to pop out and then Napoli puts on a 8 pitch battle before he ends up walking. There goes the perfect game. God help me I want to stab Napoli in the face. Rivera proves he's still alive and gets a single to left, but Kendrick ends the 2 out rally with a BIG K. Lester still looks good. HEY my wings just got here! Eating and typing? How is this gonna work? Hopefully better than Youk's eye... he goes down looking on an inside fastball. DREW picks him up with a single and suddenly 50,000 Sox fans wonder why he didn't start yesterday. I think DC wants to kiss his swing, it's so sexy! Bay draws a walk before Kotsay hits into a 1 pitch double play. Damnit! Mike Lowell could have done that! Sox 0, Angels 0

3rd Inning: TBS announcers bore the crap out of me. I think Chip Carey is a robot on painkillers. Figgins gets a one out hit and Anderson moves him over to second. I really liked it last year when he had pink eye and looked like he was 100 years old. Teixeira (who has too many vowels in his name) walks and I am starting to worry we might have the "BAD" Jon Lester showing up. Vlad looks so damn scary. His foul balls go 100,000 feet. These HUGE foul hits confused Kotsay enough to RUN into the 1st base umpire... but PEDROIA save the day and stops a infield hit!! What a dive and flip to first! Thankfully Vlad runs like Jason Voorhees. Pitches adding up for Lester (54).

Jed Lowrie is doing a good job of making me forget why I liked him in the regular season (oh yeah! he's not Lugo!) and pops up quick. Tek also grounds out quick making sure that Theo's eye roll will be that much bigger when he has to sign his extension check in the off season. Boston parents should teach their sons to catch. Jacoby finishes off this disaster by grounding out weakly to the mound... again. Lackey looking locked in. Sox 0, Angels 0

4th Inning: I have NO idea where this umpire's strike zone is. Let's just call it inconsistent. Torii Hunter doesn't care about that though... he just FINDS a way to strike out. Napoli (who just may be the Devil) tries to STAB Jon Lester with a broken bat. He gets thrown out at first for his troubles. I want him to die in a fire that starts in his beard. Juan Rivera fools the announcers by grounding out to third. Fooled me too. I thought he was gonna strike out. Lester looks better.

After going up 3-0, Pedroia grounds out and is now 0-15... I can't even make a joke about that. Good thing Papi has no time for jokes an lines one to dead center. Youk grounds into a double play at third... OR DOES HE??? Bad throw to second and everyone is safe! Lackey is looking wild as Drew battles... but pops out to center and advances Ortiz to third. Some BLINDING speed from big Papi. Bay is a raging pile of emotion (like a wet sponge) and pops out to left. More stranded runners. I would say "this could be a long night" but this game is blazing by. Sox 0, Angels 0

5th Inning: Kendrick grounds out weakly to Youk. "I AM SO HAPPY THAT WASN'T LOWELL" chirps DC. He also asked why Craig Sager dresses like a blind pimp. Aybar and Figgins hit back to back singles... but I was distracted because Chip Carey said about Lester "...this boy has become a man very quickly" and Ron Darling replied "It's true his body has changed." Can't stop laughing. Ouch my sides. A ground out... and in steps Teixeira... BIG K!!!! But a ton of pitches. Lester is up to 84 total.

Hey the lead off man is aboard! Kotsay lines up the middle. I can't get over how much Lowrie looks like a rodent. He pops up after getting a 3-0 count and will now keep the "Ratboy" moniker for the rest of the night (maybe longer). I can't believe how wild Lackey looks... but the hitters keep letting him off the hook. Apparently Tek can't believe it either! Line drive into right! Kotsay to third! I will freak OUT if they can't get this run in. Jacoby does his best... but MANAGES to ground into an out and a RUN.. here comes Pedroia... chants of MVP! AND BOOM!!! High off the monster! Tek scores! I go crazy! Fenway goes crazy! Papi goes... quietly? Crap. But they got 2! Sox 2, Angels 0

6th Inning: I am now drinking for every Frank Caliendo promo. I may pass out and die by the 9th. Kotsay with a crazy diving play to get Vlad for the first out. WHEW! Next up Hunter who hits a dribbler to Youk and it's ANOTHER play Lowell wouldn't make. Napoli works another full count before Buck Martinez reminds us that Lester bounced back from cancer. Napoli sends a deep drive right to the edge of the Monster and into Bay's glove. I hope he breaks both his legs putting on his catchers gear.

Sox seem to be happy with the 2 run lead and get two outs real quick... but Bay pounds one past Aybar. Ugly play. Aren't the Angels supposed to be GOOD at defense? Kotsay taps it weakly to first and bails out Lackey. Sox 2, Angels 0

7th Inning: Is it time to start counting outs? Rivera gets a quick one. TBS announcers start to jibber without making sense while Kotsay makes another great play behind 1st. Good move putting him there tonight Tito... Sean Casey wouldn't have had that. I HATE Aybar's stance. He sticks his ass out like he's farting on every pitch. His ass can't get it past Jacoby. Will Lester (who is a freaking hero) come back out for the 8th? He's up to 109 pitches. DC says yes... I don't know.

A lead off hit for "Ratboy" but the nickname stays. Sorry Jed. Tek pops out to center while DC hopes Hunter brakes a leg. No dice. Jacoby hits a double play ball up the middle and the game rushes along. Nothing like last night. Sox 2, Angels 0

8th Inning: No Lester... but here come comes Oki. I am only a little scared. More "interesting" calls by the umpire. I still have no idea where the strike zone is. Doesn't matter as Oki gets 2 quick ground outs right to Pedroia. Teixeira (still too many vowels) looks really imposing. He looks like a bad guy mercenary from an action movie. Like the guy the hero kills RIGHT before he kills the lead bad guy. He takes first on 4 pitches. Tito has seen enough... here comes Masterson to face Vlad. Pass the beer and the pepto. Crap. He walked him after a 0-2 count. Torii Hunter is up... "Torii" "Torii" "Torii"... WOAH... bad wild pitch! Runners advance and my butt cheeks clench. They just keep showing how well Hunter has been doing with runners in scoring position and it is making me SICK. DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN... 2 run single. This isn't happening. There goes Lester's win. All with 2 outs??? Where the hell is Papelbon? Can't he get 4 outs? Oh no... here comes Napoli. I want him to get all of the worst diseases. Masterson looks scared out there and I am eating my freaking shirt. Masterson gets him to pop up but the damage is done... not again... not again...

Can't anyone score on this team? Pedroia's luck seems to have run out and he lines out to second. Papi looks at 2 strikes and makes me wish I could see the guy I remember from 2004. What happened to that guy? Is it the wrist? Is it the Manny trade? What ever happend to that guy... he isn't here. He struck out and stabbed me in the damn heart. Down to Youk and what the hell happend to his power? He K's too and it's pure panic time. I am dying and DC just coughed up a Slimer from Ghostbusters look alike. I would normally find that funny... but not now. Sox 2, Angels 2

9th Inning: Masterson still in and pitching to Kendry Morales. I don't understand either choice. Tito is SCARED of using Papelbon due to the pitch count from yesterday I guess. I hate it. Morales hits a freaking double... oh my GOD. This guy is bearly a .200 hitter! Kendrick bunts him to 3rd with out a problem and that seems to wake up Francona. Nice to see you Tito! Did you remember there was a GAME going on? He pulls Masterson 4 batters too late. In comes Manny Delcarman to try and salvage this mess against Aybar. Let's just say I am not too optimistic... in fact, I hate everything about this. WOAH!!! Suicide squeeze!!! But the bunt misses!!! Tek gets the runner at third!!! Exclamation points!!!! Aybar grounds out to first... what a break! Win NOW!!!

Scott Sheilds looks like Marino Rivera right now for some damn reason. Drew strikes out looking and I call him a name that rhymes with "Goat Plucker". BAY!!!! JASON BAY!!! Double into the corner and it bounces into the stands.... damnit. That would have been 3 EASY. OH NO!!!!! Kotsay gets freaking ROBBED!!!!! Teixeira with a nice grab. AMAZING GRAB. Ugh... here comes Ratboy... freaking Ratboy...

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! RATBOY!!!!! NO MORE!!!! NOW YOU ARE JED THE MAN!!!!! SOX WIN!!! SOX WIN!!!!! LIVE BLOG BABY!!!! Oh crap... they Just started inteviewing Lowrie and damn... he still might be Ratbboy... but its a name of honor. He is THE Ratboy! SOX IN!! ALCS BABY! I am so freaking drained but I feel triumphant. The live blog is life! RED SOX 3, Angels 2.

BRING ON TAMPA!!

Division Title? We Don’t Need No Stinking Title!!! (or do we?)

Here we are with some rational and calm commentary from DC. I'll be back with my own brand of blab toward the end of the season. I'd give an excuse about why I've been so quiet... but you don't want to hear that I found people I can actually TALK to about the Red Sox... anyway DC's words follow.

Oh wait… Yeah we do! Let me take this opportunity to congratulate the olde town team on beating this year’s Cy Young Award winner and in doing so clinching a playoff spot. Unlike some other professional leagues where it seems like half the teams make the playoffs (I’m looking at you NBA), making the playoffs in baseball still means something. This season has been more demanding than any in recent memory and the Sox managed to fight through all the injuries, crazy clubhouse antics and trade deadline drama to take another step towards baseball’s holy land. Unfortunately with overtaking the Rays for the division looking as likely as me waking up tomorrow looking like Tom Brady, the next step will be much more difficult.

The Sox have a lot more going against them facing the Angels in the first round of the playoffs than they would have if they’d won the division and earned the right to play the White Sox, who enter the playoffs looking like the weakest post season team. I know what you’re thinking: “But we own the Angels in the playoffs.” While historically that may be true, consider these five facts and then tell me you’re not concerned:

• We’re 1-8 against the Angels this season and our one win came in April and was off of Darren Oliver who coincidently had his worst month of the season in April. Of our 8 losses, 6 were won by their starters (including 2 W’s for Lackey and 2 for Saunders). That means their starters were able to go deep into the games rather than being worn down and having to rely on the bullpen like the Red Sox hitters prefer.
  
  
• The Red Sox don’t scare John Lackey anymore. In past seasons, Lackey’s struggles against the Sox, particularly in the Fens, were well documented. However, he took care of those demons this year to the tune of a complete game victory that was a home run away from being a no hitter. On the year the Sox are only hitting .132 against Lackey and he’s 2-0 against them.
  
  
• On the flip side of that coin, Josh Beckett has been the anti-Lackey. Against the Angels this year he’s 0-2 with an ERA over 7 with a batting average against of .345. Compare that to 1-0 with a 1.13 ERA against the White Sox. Furthermore, this season Beckett has looked like an ace at times but other times he’s looked extremely mortal. I was at this week’s game against the Indians. He seemed to have no command of his fastball and at times was very hittable. 105 pitches through 6 innings isn’t going to cut it from our playoff ace.
  
  
• Beckett isn’t the only pitcher who’d rather see the Chi-Sox digging in over the next couple of weeks. Dice-K’s ERA against the Angels this year is on the wrong side of 10 and they hit .350 off of him. Compare that to a 0.56 ERA and .122 BAA versus the White Sox. Lester isn’t must better with a 7.20 ERA against the Angels (5.14 versus Chicago) and a .429 batting average allowed (.261 for Chicago).
  
  
• These are not your father’s pitch first, score later Angels. This team went out and got 2 big time bats (Hunter & Teixeira) without losing anything on defense (9 Gold Gloves combined). On the other hand, the Red Sox aren’t scoring like they used to. Jed Lowrie seems convinced September translates to “swing and miss” in some ancient language. Mike Lowell can still hit, but unfortunately running is out of the question. JD Drew has a serious injury and likely won’t be 100% when he gets back on the field and his replacement, Kotsay, has been looking old.
  

What this all boils down to is cause for concern. I’m not saying that the Red Sox are going to lose. I’m simply saying that a successful title defense would have been significantly easier if we had won the division. In that case, we would have had home field advantage where the Sox are 53-23 (versus 39-42 on the road) and playing against a lesser opponent in the Chicago White Sox. But instead, we’re the wild card winners. We earned the right to go to California to face the best team in the league. An Angels team that stacked with pitchers and hungry to regain their playoff swagger. So, with regard to clinching the wild card I say to the Red Sox: “Congratulations… I think?”

Mid Season Report: The Long Road

Saving the day with a BIG halfway report is DC. His words are after the italics.

It’s that time again kids. Time for the big exhibition that has lost a lot of its luster over the years, but has somehow gained importance (thanks for that Bud). It’s time for baseball to take a couple of days off trot out the “best” it has to offer (assuming each team has at least one of the league’s best players) for a home run derby that never fails to disappoint (other than McGwire bombing the Mass Pike do you remember a single Derby moment? No? Neither do I), and a “meaningful” exhibition that only matters if the World Series goes 7 games or if one of your team’s major players gets hurt. But I digress… this isn’t about the shortcomings of the All Star Game and Festivities. This is about our beloved Boston Red Sox and how they’ve performed in the 1st half of the season. Let’s break it down…

Starting Pitching - This has been the most consistent group so far this year. It seems like no matter who gets hurt, there’s always someone who we can plug in for a couple of weeks and still succeed. This is truly a testament to the great job Theo and the boys have done at retooling the farm system with great prospects. The Sox have used 7 pitchers to start all but 1 game this year (Pauley started 1), and each of them have proven to be successful.

Josh Beckett: This guy has taken last season’s success and reaffirmed his stance as the ace of the staff. Thus far he’s 9-5 on the year but could very easily be anywhere from 9-5 to 13-0. Of his 5 losses, 2 were 1 run losses and all of them were 3 runs or less. If there’s one potential concern about Beckett, it’s that he appears to be giving up more home runs this year than he did last year.

Daisuke Matsuzaka: Dice-K started the season off looking like a sure thing for the Cy Young award. Then a brief stint on the DL with a tired shoulder and a couple of very rocky starts have raised some concerns. Despite this, he still has the best ERA of all the starters and looks like he’s putting it back together with a great start against the Minnesota Twins. If he can keep it together in the 2nd half, we might be looking at our first Cy Young winner since Pedro.

Jon Lester: This guy seems to finally have put it all together this year. His no-hitter was one of the clear high points of the season. He’s learned how to throw strikes and seems like a legitimate 3 starter for the first time since he came to the big club. All of this makes me happy. All of this makes Robin have a legitimate, potentially sexual, man-crush. Seriously, if Jon Lester ever goes missing, check Robin for a bottle of roofies and a guilty conscience.

Tim Wakefield: Let’s be clear here: Timmy Knuckles is STILL the biggest bargain in professional baseball! He is second on the team in starts and innings pitched, second on the team in strikeouts, and has an ERA under 4.00. What’s that you say? He walks too many batters? Well in the words of Jeremy Grey: Erroneous!!! Granted, he is 2nd on the team in walks, but he also has the second best WHIP of all the starters on the staff (yeah look at that use of stats). So yes, he does give up his share of walks but by no stretch of the imagination does he give up too many to win. And for those of you who point to his 5-6 record let me remind you of this: the Red Sox have lost 11 of Wake’s starts this season by 3 runs or less. What does he have to do to get some run support? The point is that Tim Wakefield gives you a chance to win every time he takes the mound. Beyond that, he basically gives the bullpen a day off every 5 days and he does it all for $4 million a season in a market that dictates $8-12 million for similar numbers. (Note: You’re probably asking yourself “why is this section sounding defensive?” Well I’ll tell you. It’s because every day I hear or read another person who wants to force Wake to the bullpen or to retire after this season to make room for their favorite flavor of the week. It is my contention that these are the same people who would force their parents to stay in a hotel rather than letting them shack up on their couch like a bunch of ungrateful little punks. Remember kids, Timmy Knuckles has earned his spot in this rotation over and over again and if your mother can’t crash on your couch then maybe you should learn to do your own damn laundry!)

Clay Buchholz/Justin Masterson: Ladies and gentlemen, the future of the Red Sox pitching staff is in good hands. The whole of Red Sox Nation is totally enamored with these “two yutes”. These guys have made a lot of people jump on the “Schilling isn’t a big loss” team and they’re also the conductors of the “Wake is too old” train. Now let’s come back to reality shall we? These “two yutes” are a combined 6-6 in 17 starts. They have both flashed signs of brilliance but at other times have provided painful reminders of how young they are. Now its looking like Buchholz is returning to the rotation after ripping up AAA during his recovery from injury and Masterson may serve as an internal answer to the problems in the bullpen. I think it’s safe to say that if the Red Sox go for another World Series, then one or both of these youngsters will play a major role.

Bartolo Colon: This is one of those low-risk/high-reward investments that have made Theo look like he grew up watching those Baby Genius videos. The big guy took a minor league contract, stepped in when Buchholz went down and was well on his way to stealing the youngster’s spot in the rotation when he hurt his back with those ridiculous swings during inter-league play. Even still, assuming he can come back healthy, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of the fat man. Expect him to finish a distant 2nd for the Comeback Player of the Year award behind Troy Percival but quite possibly also finish with a spot in the playoff rotation.

Honorable Mention – Curt Schilling: People seem to forget just how good, just how important, and just how clutch this guy has been for the Boston Red Sox. When you don’t see someone play for a while and others are able to successfully replace him, then it is very easy to overlook the injured player. They become an easy target for criticism and second guessing, especially when they’re as outspoken as Curt Schilling has been. This case is particularly unique because we may never see Schill throw another pitch. This fact has opened up countless discussions of his place in history. Is he a Hall of Famer? I really don’t know and according to baseball reference’s various Hall of Fame monitors… neither do they. Is he destined to become Governor of Massachusetts or take some other elected office? Who can say? What I do know is that without Curt Schilling we would possibly still be waiting for our first World Series and we definitely wouldn’t have 2 in the past 4 years. This guy brought us those championships, this guy made Joe Buck stop talking about Babe Ruth and this guy made 55,000 Yankee fans sit down and shut up. Make sure you don’t forget any of that! Thanks for everything Mr. Schilling.

Bullpen – If the Red Sox don’t repeat as champions this season it will be because they were unable to straighten out their bullpen. This unit has been in shambles since the season began. The bullpen has already lost 2 more decisions than they did all of last year. They have 3 guys with 3 losses including the closer. They have already had to get rid of 3 bullpen arms (Snyder, Corey and Tavarez) due to lack of effectiveness and the guys who are left have been extremely inconsistent. Basically, you never know what you’re going to get from these guys and that makes things harder on everyone else.

Jonathan Papelbon: Ok, I’ll be the one who says it: Why does Paps look so mortal this season? What happened to 9 pitches, 3 batters, 3 K’s, goodnight, thanks for playing, our staff has a nice spread laid out for you in the clubhouse? This year it seems like facing Papelbon with 2 strikes is an engraved invitation to foul off 10-15 pitches. Guys who wouldn’t even dream of hitting off Papelbon in the past are finding their way on base (yes I’m talking to you Brett Gardner). That being said, this guy still fires me up. As soon as I see him fist pound that fat cop on his way out of the bullpen I believe we’re going to win… which is probably why it hurts so bad when he blows one.

Hideki Okajima: From now on, if you’re on base when Oki comes into the game you should simply be allowed to score while he trots in from the bullpen. Why keep up the charade that he’s going to keep you off the scoreboard? It doesn’t seem fair to make the other team’s players waste their energy running the bases when everyone knows the end result will be more runs on the board and Oki looking like he just crapped his pants.

Manny Delcarmen: With Okajima struggling in the set up role, Manny Jr. has been given the opportunity to thrive as the 8th inning guy; and good god has he blundered it! MDC has been the picture of inconsistency, looking amazing for a couple of outings and then failing to throw a strike the next time out. When he’s having a bad night, MDC can’t find the strike zone with a map and compass. Watching him makes me vomit out of my eyes!

Craig Hansen: I HATE this guy!!! I honestly don’t think I’ve ever hated a Red Sox player as much as I hate Craig Hansen! Remember when he was the closer of the future? Now he’s lucky if he can get 3 outs in 2 games. Much like MDC, Hansen had the opportunity to take over the set up role. And exactly like MDC, he forgot how to throw strikes. This could easily turn into a 5,000 word rant, so I’m going to leave you with this: Watching Craig Hansen pitch makes me homicidal, suicidal, and all other kinds of cidal I’ve never even heard of! Just seeing him warming up in the bullpen makes me start reminiscing about that summer I spent at Camp Crystal Lake!

David Aardsma, Javier Lopez, Mike Timlin, Chris Smith: All have shown signs of being good. All have shown signs of being too old, too young, or too terrible. More inconsistency! Close your eyes and try to imagine the surprise written all over my face.

Starting Lineup - There are a lot of interesting things going on with this group. Three major injuries (Ortiz, Ellsbury and Lowell) threatened to derail the season, but the Sox were able to plug in other pieces and succeed. There is also the nice balance between wise veterans and exuberant youths that gives this team a spark that always seems passionate yet controlled (except when Youk strikes out). Finally, never in our lifetime have the Red Sox had this much speed in the batting order. No longer do the Sox live and die by the home run.

Jacoby Ellsbury: When was the last time that a Red Sox player led the league in stolen bases? I can’t believe how fast this guy is. He is a lot of fun to watch. Every now and then Jacoby reminds us all how young he is, but all in all he’s not playing like a rookie. If he can get his batting average over .300 and raise his on base percentage a bit he’ll get even more opportunities to wreak havoc on the basepaths and possibly give the Sox back-to-back Rookie of the Year Awards.

Dustin Pedroia: After a rough May, Dusty turned it on as spring gave way to the summer months. He hit .356 in June and is hovering around .400 in July including a big time hitting streak. He’s also been money in the field and one of the emotional sparks for this team. Now if somebody could remind him that he’s not real fast I could stop yelling at my TV every time he tries to extend a line drive off the monster into a double.

J.D. Drew: Nobody has come up bigger in Big Papi’s absence then J.D. Drew. Right now he is the Red Sox MVP. His month of June is the best stretch that I remember anyone ever having. To everyone who spent last year trashing him, enjoy your giant plate of crow. He’s been so good that when Papi comes back I would put him in the 5 hole and leave Drew right where he is: cleaning up hitting in front of Manny.

Manny Ramirez: Manny just keeps on doing his thing and I love it. His average is down a bit, but he’s still the best hitter that I have ever seen. Yes he’s wacky and occasionally rubs people the wrong way, but he’s also leading the team in RBI’s and home runs. It is not a coincidence that JD started destroying the ball as soon as he bounced up into the third spot in the order. Manny is the engine that makes this little run scoring machine go, which makes the possibility of him leaving us after this year terrifying. I know that his option is a lot of money and I understand that Manny is getting older. But riddle me this: Who’s protecting Papi in the middle of the lineup next year if Manny is let go? I challenge anyone to find a replacement for Manny. And don’t forget the new guy has to be right handed (to break up the lefties of Ortiz and Drew), must be available and probably a free agent (Theo doesn’t like trading his prospects), and he has to fit into our team (sorry all you Mark Teixeira fans you can’t have 2 first basemen). I’m not saying that they must keep Manny, I’m just saying it’s hard not to and they better have a plan to replace him.

Mike Lowell: Back in the day, my little brother and I called Billy Mueller “The Pro” because of his quiet, consistent play. After Billy left, I gave the name to Mark Loretta. Well, consider Mike Lowell officially dubbed “The Pro” and revel in all his glory. Watching this guy play baseball is like watching Bob Ross paint. He calms me. He doesn’t get a lot of national attention (it’s a sham that he isn’t on the All Star team), and he doesn’t have enough pieces of flair to work at Chotchkie’s. What he does is play amazing defense, hit the ball and play the role of quiet leader. So from this day forth, in my house Mike Lowell will be known as “The Pro” (unless my girlfriend is talking… she only refers to him as “Smoke show”).

Kevin Youkilis: This is probably the only guy on the team who can rival Papelbon in the category of pure intensity that borders on psychotic fury. It would not surprise me one bit if it came out that those idiots from PETA are suing Youk because of some crazy pre-game ritual involving biting the heads off woodland creatures Ozzy Osbourne style. He’s a fundamental hitter, plays perfect defense and runs slightly faster than Pedroia (which is like a slug racing a snail). If you don’t like Youk, then you probably don’t like hustle and might want to give up on the whole sports fan thing.

Jason Varitek: I cannot believe the way that people have been turning on The Captain lately. I understand that he’s in a terrible slump. I get that all of his numbers are below his career averages. But here’s the dirty little secret: there are almost NO good catchers around the entire league! Seriously, if you’ve recently been blessed with a baby boy and that little man has 2 arms and 2 legs, then do everyone a favor and buy him a catcher’s mitt and have him sleep with the damn thing. As for Tek, he’s not here for his bat ladies and gentlemen. He’s here because everywhere he goes he brings solid defense, a hard-nosed attitude and a giant bag of leadership. Everyone who knows what they’re talking about (coaches, general managers, other players, former players, etc) say that Tek is the most irreplaceable guy on this team and it’s not only because we don’t have a good backup or any catching prospects behind him. It’s because he leads this team, he calls the games and most importantly for the Red Sox, he allows us to rely on young pitchers because he tells them exactly what to do at all times. A couple of them don’t even tie their shoes without looking for Tek for signs. So please, take a moment to send a quick letter to Theo begging him to re-sign The Captain at the end of the season. Clay, Justin, Jon, Manny and Craig are all counting on you.

Coco Crisp: Thank god we didn’t trade Coco! I really like the way this guy has handled himself this season. We live in a world where athletes are constantly pouting, complaining, making trade demands through the media and simply being an all around pain in the ass if they encounter the slightest bit of competition for playing time. Coco hasn’t done any of that. He comes every day and does everything he can to help the team win. Let’s be real here, he’s never going to have another one of those seasons where he hit .300 and smacked 16 home runs. But he will give you some offense, play amazing defense, steal some bases and make some catches that make you thank the lord you can now rewind your TV to watch something over and over.

Julio Lugo: Lugo has become everybody’s favorite whipping boy. He has become so unpopular that last week Robin actually blamed him for an error that was actually made by Cora as Lugo watched from the bench. His defense has been atrocious. His 16 errors are tied for the 3rd most of any player and are the most of any shortstop (Hanley Ramirez has 15). To make matters worse, he has terrible range in both directions and Youk has probably saved him a handful of throwing errors with great defense at first base. However, with regard to hitting, I have to defend Lugo a bit. Now let me start by saying, he has certainly not been great. But the reality is that he’s right around his career numbers. He’s hitting .267 and he is a .271 hitter for his career. He’s on pace for his normal stolen base output and he’s never had any real power. I don’t understand where all the surprised looks are coming from when discussing his lack of productivity at the plate. He’s a #9 hitter! He bats last for a reason! If your #9 is hitting around .270 then you take it and run like you stole something. I never understood Theo’s obsession with this guy and he obviously overpaid to get him. So if you want to blame someone for being handcuffed with a lousy shortstop then Theo’s your man. As for Lugo, he is what he is. He’ll cost you some games in the field, he’ll make some plays for you with his speed (I believe he’s among the league leaders in infield hits), he lays down some decent bunts and he seems to get along well with everyone which is actually more important in baseball than any other sport. Now put away your torches and pitchforks and take a breath. (note from Robin: My torches and pitchforks have become party hats, balloons and streamers... Lugo is out 4-6 weeks!)

David Ortiz: After a rough April, Big Papi was putting it all together when this wrist injury sidelined him. This team would have been cooked if he was done for the season. But all accounts are he’ll be back shortly after the All Star Break. As far as I’m concerned it can’t happen soon enough. That way we can stop hearing all the stupid rumors about Barry Bonds coming in to take his place.

The Bench – What a great group of veteran role players we have this year. I love the way these guys play ball. They make you use words like “solid” and “dependable” which is really all you need from your back up players. It also makes me happy that the young guys who have bounced up and down from the minors get to learn from these guys.

Sean Casey: Great guy, great hitter, great glove, and great nickname (honestly, “The Mayor,” what’s cooler than that?). No real power left in that bat, but he did hit .296 and could probably be starting on some teams. But he chose to come to Boston and everyone seems happy he did. As a special bonus, all accounts point toward Casey being the nicest guy on the team and possibly the league.

Alex Cora: What more can this guy do? He plays everywhere. He doesn’t make errors. He seems to get along with everyone. He could definitely hit a little bit more, but over all how can you complain?

Kevin Cash: This guy has the coolest name in baseball. How many people have you ever met whose actual name sounds like an awesome nickname? He has been doing a great job with Wake’s knuckleball. He only has 10 passed balls which is more than Belli used to allow but he’s also about half Belli’s size.

Brandon Moss/Jed Lowrie/Joe Thurston/The Other Youngsters: Thanks to all the injuries we’ve gotten to see a bunch of the minor league prospects come up to fill in. Of them all, Moss looks to be the most promising all around. I know that everyone is big on Lowrie and offensively he was really good. I’m still not totally sold on his defensive capabilities. He didn’t display a ton of range and personally, I like my middle infielders to be able to get to everything (I’ve been spoiled watching guys like Young Nomar, Gonzo and Pokey). Hopefully I’m wrong and just didn’t see enough of him. I had never heard of Thurston when they called him up. Frankly, I miss those days. I’m not sure if I can put it any plainer than this: He’s terrible!

Well there you have it, the first half in a giant nutshell. We’ve had some really amazing moments (Lester’s no-no and Manny’s 500th home run) and some not so great moments (getting swept in Tampa a couple weeks ago). All in all, things are looking good. If Papi comes back healthy and Drew, Lowell, Youk and Dusty P keep it up then it won’t matter if Tek even bats. At this point it seems like the only thing that can derail this team is the bullpen. They need a set up man for the 8th inning. Could it be Masterson? Time will tell. But they better figure it out before the trade deadline, because if the kid isn’t this year’s Papelbon, then they’re going to need to trade for one.

For Red

Boy do I love a parade! We are going to take a little hiatus from Red Sox coverage as DC breaks down the Celtics Championship. Just another Trophy for Titletown! (read: Boston). His words after my italics:

Make no mistake about it, sooner or later Phil Jackson will probably pass Red Auerbach’s record for championships and in the process a small part of every true Boston Celtics fan will die. But this mass murder wasn’t going down this year! No sir! Not on KG’s watch! Not as long as Ray-Ray could still find room to shoot! Not while The Truth still had air going in and out of his lungs! No no Philly-boy, you sit your butt down and remember who you’re dealing with… hell, that man owns the floor you’re playing on! And trust me, somewhere up in the great Boston Garden in the sky; Red’s just now finishing up the biggest victory cigar he’s ever sparked up.

That’s right sports fans, the quest for banner number 17 was completed last night in an absolute beat down of the bad guys from LA. The “New Big 3” took care of business like they’ve been doing for the last 9 months. It’s been a long time coming, but this series reminded me just how much I hate the Lakers. Put them on the short list with the Yankees, Manning Brothers, Rocky V and wedding DJs who don’t own a Journey cd. This team has been a joy to watch all season long. They put egos aside and played basketball how it was meant to be played. They played defense, passed the ball and radiated the passion and intensity that we’re always complaining today’s athletes are lacking. On this team the stars were the hardest working role players and the hardest working role players were allowed to become stars. Thanks to the New Big 3, we got to spend this winter and spring watching a style of basketball that this town hasn’t seen since THE Big 3, and for that we should be eternally grateful. They woke up the leprechaun and gave back our Celtic Pride!

Unfortunately, this blog (being a baseball site) has totally ignored the Celtics all season, so I have the task of wrapping up an entire season and team before any of this has really sunk in. And what better way to do that then an old fashion, player by player wrap up with some Red Sox analogies thrown in for those of you who are yelling “Hey, this is supposed to be a baseball blog!” Ok let’s get this started, at the bottom…

Brian Scalabrine & Scot Pollard: These guys get lumped into one person because let’s face it, they were nothing more than unattractive, really tall cheerleaders for the bulk of the season. For all you Sox fans out there, think of Pollard as Kevin Millar. He’s hilarious, he has wacky hair, everyone loves him and he’s an extremely mediocre player. Scalabrine looks like Michael Rappaport and they pretty much are on the same level of talent when compared to their peers. Let’s just say, he’s no Pacino.

Tony Allen: This guy is insanely athletic! I’m pretty sure he can jump through the roof which would make him excellent at installing skylights in your living room. The best part about him is that he totally drank Doc’s special defensive cool-aid and has become a great on the ball defender. Unfortunately, he typically goes a little too fast for himself on offense and frequently loses control of his own body resulting in turnovers and Celtics fans losing control of their bowels.

Sam Cassell: Brought in mid-season because this team lacked a veteran backup point guard (and let’s face it, he’s KG’s buddy), Sam-I-Am didn’t provide a whole lot on the court. However, everything you read says this guy is one of those veterans who brings chemistry, guts and a winning attitude while somehow keeping everyone loose. You need those guys. My guess is that the best thing Sam did was harass Rondo in practice, teaching him how to be a big time playoff point guard similar to the way Mike Timlin made Papelbon crazy enough to be a deadly closer.

PJ Brown: Another mid-season acquisition, Old Man Brown started the season out of basketball. Seriously, this guy was bagging groceries or walking dogs or sitting around with millions in the bank when the Celtics came calling. This guy is Billy Mueller. He’s simply a solid pro. You win with him and you don’t even realize he’s the one who’s getting the job done. He grabs boards, plays solid defense and makes the young punks on the other team earn their lay-ups by slamming them with a hard foul.

Glen Davis: Oh I’m sorry, you don’t know who this is? Ok let’s try this…

Big Baby: Ok back on track? Excellent. For those non-basketball fans, let me explain something. The NBA draft is pretty much a one round draft. They pick 4 rounds, but really, all the good players are in the first round. That being said, Big Baby was an absolute steal in the 2^nd round. This guy is an unassuming worker. He obviously loves to play and has become an absolute fan favorite because of it (seriously, has this guy stopped smiling since the day he was drafted?). He’s on this team to bang bodies and get rebounds and he does it without complaining about his erratic playing time or his lack of scoring opportunities.

Leon Powe: This is the feel good story of the Celtics. It seems like every championship team has one, and Leon is it. The guy had such a hard life that the NBA did a special piece on him at half time of Game 2. On the court, Leon is a leaner and more athletic version of Big Baby. This guy is totally jacked! He plays great defense, jumps in on all the hustle plays and every now and then will score some points. The Celtics are most likely hoping that one or both of these guys (Powe and Baby) will become younger versions of PJ Brown.

Eddie House: This guy is the definition of contagious energy. He’s like a kindergartener with extreme ADD on the last day of school after polishing off a case of Red Bull and a dozen double chocolate donuts for breakfast. He’s the guy the Celtics decided should stand at the end of the row during pre-game introductions just to fire up the starters and the crowd. If he was on the Red Sox he’d be the one making up all the crazy hand shakes in the dugout and lighting Manny’s hair on fire just for kicks all while leading the team in triples. He’s Orlando Cabrera from 2004. He’s also a backup point guard with questionable ball handling and defensive skills. But he’ll nail more back breaking threes then you can ever imagine and is turbo charged hustle. Just writing this paragraph makes me want to start running around waving my arms.

Kendrick Perkins: This guy is an absolute stiff! I hate the fact that he’s our starting center. He’s big and immobile, has very few offensive moves and is constantly getting into foul trouble at which point he sits on the bench and pouts. Of course, if you ask him (and he always assumes that the refs have) he’s never committed a foul in his life. I’ve never seen anyone give the innocent act as much as this guy. Honestly, if he punched you in the face, he’d follow it up by telling you that he’d never met you. We did learn in this series however, that he’s a necessary stiff. Our defense looked helpless during Game 5 without him clogging up the middle. This is likely because the one part of his game that is good is that he’s an excellent shot blocker.

Rajon Rondo: The starting point guard on this team is the guy Boston fans want to embrace and love but he’s just so damn frustrating. Rondo’s ball handling, passing and defense are amazing in large part because he has extraordinary quickness and freakishly long arms. This guy looks like Stretch Armstrong. The frustrating thing is that Rondo’s jump shot has not evolved and he looked terrified to shoot the ball throughout the playoffs. It got so bad that other teams weren't even covering him and he still wouldn’t shoot. This lost him crunch time minutes in the finals. That being said, the Celtics don’t win the championship without this guy and he’s going to be our point guard of the future. His development should be incredible too with Sam Cassell, and former point guards Doc Rivers and Danny Ainge all hanging around.

James Posey: I know what you’re thinking, “Hey, this guy wasn’t even a starter. Why isn’t he listed with the rest of the bench?” Well, that answer is simple: I LOVE me some James Posey!!! This guy was the 4^th most important player on the Celtics throughout the playoffs. It got to the point where you just KNEW he was nailing any open three pointer he put up. But more important that that, James Posey is our defensive MVP. Don’t believe me? Call up Lebron, Kobe, Lamar Odom and Tayshaun Prince and see what they have to say. This guy took a pay cut to come here and play on this team. All season long Posey came off the bench as a defensive stopper. When we needed a big board or someone to dive on a loose ball, there was Posey chomping down on that mouth guard and getting on the ball. This is the guy who does all the little things. This is the guy that true Celtics fans adore and casual fans are apathetic about. Sox fans… this is your Timmy Knuckles. Pats fans… this is your Troy Brown. This week, the Celtics should end their victory parade by sitting James Posey down in Government Center, stand the Big 3 right behind him and have him sign a contract in front of millions of screaming fans.

Ray Allen: With apologies to the Basketball Jesus, has there ever been a player with a prettier stroke from 3 point land than Ray-Ray? Watching him shoot a basketball is like watching JD Drew swing a bat. Even when they miss its still the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. For all you overbearing parents out there, if you want to force your child into basketball, make them sit and watch video of this guy shoot. Trust me, they’ll thank you later… once they get over that “I hate you” stage.

Kevin Garnett: I honestly don’t think I can say enough about this guy. He has single handedly made me a die-hard Celtics fan again. This guy is the most intense athlete I have ever seen. Imagine Papelbon only if he started screaming and head-butting V-tek during a mound visit. Imagine Youk only if before every game he was shown on camera yelling and throwing baby powder into Jerry Remy’s face. I genuinely think there have been times this year that some of the Celtics players were terrified of this guy. Imagine how much he must scare the OTHER team! This guy is a bull and anyone not wearing green might as well be waving red capes at him (and we know how that generally ends up). This guy has passion to spare and plays the game with enough emotion that you get the feeling that his teammates are willing to play hard just so they don’t let him down. Watching this video makes me feel like I could run through a brick wall if KG asked me to. KG is the hardest worker on his team. How many superstars can you say that about? If Doc Rivers and super assistant Tom Thibodeau mixed the defense cool-aid then it was Garnett who filled the glasses, handed it out and told teammates to drink it or else. Finally, he has embraced the history and tradition of the Celtics which has made for a lot of amazing moments like this.

Paul Pierce: Nobody had a better playoff than Paul Pierce. This guy put his ego aside all season, welcomed all the newcomers with open arms and then secured his place in Celtics lore. This guy has worked and worked for so many terrible Celtics teams that you got the feeling he would literally have to die on the court before he’d allow his team to lose. This guy wasn’t out for stats, he has those. All he cared about was winning this title and he earned it. Pierce lived up to his nickname: The Truth. He had more than his share of “hop on my back and I’ll carry you” moments and by the end of the playoffs it was clear who the Finals MVP should be. Paul Pierce has now permanently taken up a place in the hearts of every Celtics fan along side all the other greats.

In a lot of ways, this very special Celtics team was overshadowed by negatives. The NBA officiating scandal and the bone-headed way David Stern has handled it along with the late start times made the finals extremely difficult to watch. Parents were forced to choose between putting the kids to bed or allowing them to stay up and watch history, decide between the health of their children or helping them to experience the rebirth of a great rivalry. I myself was routinely going to work on less than 4 hours of sleep because these were games that I refused to miss. Honestly, given the opportunity I would go back and do it all over again. These were fun games to watch and for the first time in years I can honestly say, I can’t wait for next season!

Game 30: The Good, The Bad and The Mediocre

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 0, Toronto Blue Jays 3

Another Thursday, another post from DC. His words follow:

The Good: The defense was top notch for both teams tonight. Both pitchers were helped out tremendously throughout the game as the guys in the field consistently pulled them out of jams. Together, the defenses turned 3 double plays and Coco saved a run by gunning down Eckstein at home. Each defensive effort included a spectacular, potentially game-saving play as well. For the Sox, Manny made a spectacular catch to end a bases loaded threat in the forth and keeping it a one run ball game. Unfortunately, the following inning, Aaron Hill dove to snag a line drive and double up a Sox runner which ended what turned out to be the Sox only real threat of the night.

The Bad: What is it with our offense?! No runs on 3 hits? 3 runs in an entire 3 game series against a division team? Somebody needs to remind these guys that the goal is to hit the little white ball with the stick of wood and then touch all 4 of the white squares spread throughout the field. That’s how you score runs. Seriously, the entire offense seems out of whack right now. There isn’t one guy who gives you that “Oh, he’s absolutely getting a hit here” feeling when he comes up to bat.

The Mediocre: The pitching tonight was bad on both sides. AJ Burnett wasn’t bad, surrendering only 3 hits in 7.2 innings, but he did manage to walk as many batters as he struck out. On the flip side, Wake didn’t have his sharpest outing and couldn’t get a single strikeout. However, he only allowed 3 runs on 6 hits and once again ate up 7 innings. Basically, Wake did his typical thing: scattered some hits, ate up some innings, kept his team in the game and got the loss due to a completely inept looking offense.

Game 10: Can I Get a Witness? Living on the Edge

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 12, Detroit Tigers 6

What a great night for DC to make his game blog debut! His eyewitness report is after my italics... wish I went with him.

If you didn’t watch this game then you’ll have to trust me when I tell you, this was the closest 12-6 game that I have seen in a very long time. The Old Town Team spent most of this game putting themselves into jams and then wiggling out of them with minimal damage and may have lost if the Tigers weren’t in the process of holding open tryouts for their bullpen.

Tonight was one of those nights when it was a little too windy for Timmy Knuckles to be effective. As usual, this resulted in a lot of full counts, a lot a walks (5) and a couple of hit batsmen. Possibly the most telling sign of Wake’s struggles: 100 pitches in 4 1/3 innings of work. The good news is that the offense finally realized that run support is a good thing and picked up the slack enough to get Ole Timmy Knuckles his first win of the season.

Wakefield wasn’t the only one who took his lumps tonight. Tavarez took it upon himself to make this game close by giving up 3 hits, 2 walks and 3 runs in just 2/3 of an inning. I don’t know if he just wanted to give Papelbon a save situation or forgot to ritualistically kill some livestock last night, but he was a great double play by Lugo away from costing Wake his victory and in the process boosted his own ERA from 0.00 to 7.36. Don’t you just love the first couple weeks of the season when stats can change more drastically than Michael Jackson’s appearance over the last 30 years?

The most exciting thing that happened tonight was the re-emergence of the well rounded offense that we have come to know and love. Most of the production tonight came from unexpected and unheralded sources. The “hated” J.D. Drew (3 for 3, 1 BB) and the “untrade-able” Coco Crisp (2 for 3, 2 BB) each plated 2 RBI’s, and continued their hot starts (hitting .404 and .304 respectively). Sean “The Mayor” Casey (in cause Lowell is now on the DL) chipped in 3 RBI’s of his own and even Kevin Cash (who has one of the coolest names ever) drove in one of his own. The remainder of the runs came from Youk (who also shined on defense) and Manny who according to the drunk BU student on the bus ride home will be the American League’s MVP this season.

A couple of other notes on this game:

1. Miguel Cabrera looked FOOLISH trying to hit the knuckleball. It was painfully clear that he’d never seen anything like it in the National League. Seriously, to all those overbearing dad’s out there… if you want junior to make it to the pros, just teach him how to throw this pitch effectively. I promise, you’ll thank me later.

2. All I can say about Big Papi… STRUGGLING!!! Pretty soon Tito is going to call up the President from 24 and see if he still has that little voodoo doll from Major League.

3. Tonight was Japanese Night at the ball park. The pregame festivities featured martial arts displays, little girls dancing in kimonos, and the Japanese national anthem. This all begs the question: How hard could it have been to schedule this on a night when Dice-K was actually starting? Perhaps the marketing department over there on Yawkey Way needs to hire some new people?

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid: AL Central Preview

We begin our tour of the 2008 MLB previews with DC's predictions on the AL Central. As you'll see, 2008 is looking like another "win it all or head on home" years for the rest of the American League, with plenty of competition for both the top spot and the Wild Card, not to mention spoiler action from the rest of the division.

The AL Central was one of the most active divisions in all of baseball this winter. The Tigers and White Sox both made more splashes than a pool full of 8 year olds surrounded by skeevy, van driving pedophiles and, according to all the Mets fans I know, the Twins made a trade. Even the Royals signed a couple of guys who are better than your average little leaguer.

Last season the Indians tied the Red Sox with the best record in the American League and only lost home field advantage because of head-to-head record. The Tigers were also a force for most of the season and would have gobbled up the Wild Card had it not been for a late season collapse. This year Cleveland’s team is basically a mirror image of itself and the Tigers are one of the most improved in baseball. The result is a division that is gearing up for a tight race and possibly two teams in the playoffs. How will the rest fare? Here’s what my crystal ball says:

Last Place - Kansas City Royals
Off Season: The Royals signed some bona fide free agents this winter. They took some strides to sure up their bullpen with Ron Mahay, acquired a formidable backup catcher in Miguel Olivo and replaced the craptastic Odalis Perez with a veteran starter, Brett Tomko. They also took a shot on Jose Guillen despite a possible steroid backlash and on Yasuhiko Yabuta, the latest question mark from the other side of the big tranquil pond.

Pitching: Last year Gil Meche showed everyone where they could stick their criticism of his contract by posting a respectable 3.67 ERA and a .263 batting average against. Unfortunately he only managed 9 wins to go with his 13 losses. But let’s be fair, he was the ace of the Kansas City Royals. That’s like being the head of the Ewoks: yeah, you’re the best they have, but you’re still leading a bunch of possessed teddy bears with no discernable strengths. Rounding out the Royals staff is the second year Brian Bannister (pretty great last year as an undrafted rookie), Zack Greinke (amazing comeback after suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder), and Tomko. There’s some talent here and the three youths may benefit from Tomko’s experience.

Lineup: This truly is a collection of young talent and role players with a couple of veterans sprinkled in. Alex Gordon (24 years old), Tony Pena Jr. (26), Billy Butler (21), Mark Teahen (26) and David DeJesus (28) may all become really good players. Unfortunately it will most likely be on other teams.

Bullpen/Bench: Just like every other small market team, the Royals’ weakness is depth. Other than Olivo at catcher, they really don’t have anyone on their bench worth mentioning. Similarly, other than potential stud closer Joakim Soria, the bullpen is bad enough to make KC fans want to drown themselves in those beautiful fountains they have in Kauffman Stadium.

Fourth Place – Chicago White Sox
Off Season: As usual GM Kenny Williams had a difficult time taking his finger off the trigger this winter. Honestly, this guy is like the Billy the Kid of baseball! Has he ever been happy with the team he has? This year five guys (including Jon Garland and Darin Erstad) are gone, replaced by the likes of Nick Swisher, Octavio Dotel, Scott Linebrink, and our beloved Orlando Cabrera.

Pitching: The rotation is anchored by perennial workhorse Mark Buehrle, along with Javier Vazquez and Jose Contreras. Unfortunately, Buehrle’s seven consecutive 200+ inning seasons may be getting to him, Vazquez is a classic National League pitcher and Contreras looked extremely hittable last year (an understatement). The rest of the rotation is rounded out by a couple of prospects who have yet to be bitten by the successful pitching bug.

Lineup: This is pretty much the same story as the pitching with different. If this lineup has any pop it will have to come from some guys who are so long in the tooth that the tooth is actually dragging on the ground (Jermaine Dye, Paul Konerko, and Jim Thome). These guys are breaking down and consequently their physical ages are much older than their actual ages. I do like the spark that Cabrera will provide, but during Spring Training he better get a lot of practice handing his helmet and gloves to the base coaches and strolling to his position.

Bullpen/Bench: The White Sox do have some significant 2007 experience with Jerry Owens and Josh Fields on the pine. Owens goes around the bases faster than Taco Bell goes through a human body (32 SBs last year) and Fields has some power (23 HR), but they can’t score many runs buried behind Dye and Joe Crede. The bullpen has a solid closer (Jenks) proceeded by a coveted set up man (Linebrink). Other than that, this pen is like a who’s who of suckage.

Third Place – Minnesota Twins
Off Season: To say that the Twins had a rough winter is like saying a kick to the junk with a steel-toed boot might sting. Things started off really well when they scored promising youngsters Delmon Young and Brendan Harris from the Rays for Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett. Things went down hill from there and in the end the Twins gave away Johan Santana for some prospects and a bag of yard tools and failed to resign Torii Hunter. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s twp “face of the franchise” types (Santana & Hunter) and three-fifths of last year’s starting rotation (Santana, Garza, and Carlos Silva) gone. They were able to add some nice pieces – Adam Everett, Livan Hernandez, Mike Lamb, and Craig Monroe – but overall this winter was a total disaster. Have fun opening up that new stadium next spring, fellas.

Pitching: The success of this team is going to be based entirely on the development of their young pitchers. Four of the starters on this team are 26 or younger and Livan Hernandez will have to be half mentor and half 15 game winner. If Francisco Liriano doesn’t bounce back from Tommy John to be an ace then Twins fans will start counting the days until hockey season in June.

Lineup: This is a young team with some serious talent. With Torii Hunter leaving, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer gain ownership of this team (not literally; if they really owned the team then they’d probably have spent some money on pitching). The Twins also have two mashers in the outfield (Young and Michael Cuddyer) and solid prospects up the middle (Harris and Carlos Gomez). They could use a power bat for DH though. Somebody give them Sammy Sosa’s number.

Bullpen/Bench: As usual the Twins’ bullpen is one of their biggest strengths. Is it just me or do these guys always have a nasty relief staff? Joe Nathan continues to be one of the most automatic closers in the league, and the set up guys are all guys you would trust to protect a lead. However, if the starters can’t eat up enough innings then all bets are off. The bench also looks pretty solid. Craig Monroe and Nick Punto are both serviceable big leaguers and will probably see some platoon time if either Adam Everett or Carlos Gomez stumble.

Second Place – Cleveland Indians – WILD CARD
Off Season: If you think the Red Sox decided not to do anything this year then hit your knees and thank God you’re not a Cleveland Indians fan. They lost next to nothing and they gained even less. Like the Royals, the Indians decided the relievers in this part of the world are so terrible that they went to the Land of Rising Curveball to bring in Masahide Kobayashi. All I can say is that I hope he’s related to the guy who wins all those hot dog eating contests. They also went out and traded for Jamey Carroll to be a super-sub.

Pitching: The strength of this team is absolutely, one-hundred percent, without a doubt the starting pitching. Last year CC Sabathia won his first Cy Young Award and Fausto Carmona gave Red Sox fans nightmares. These guys treated the league like Sean Connery treats Alex Trebek. Throw in “Mr. Consistency” Paul Byrd and a serviceable Jake Westbrook (baseball-reference.com lists Bronson Arroyo as a similar pitcher), and you’ve got a staff that will give you a chance to win everyday.

Lineup: This lineup is all about having the right pieces. They have a superstar (borderline super-duper star) in Grady (and his ladies) Sizemore, two home run and RBI guys (Martinez and Pronk), a couple of talented yutes (Franklin Gutierrez and Ass-dribble Cabrera), and a bunch of solid puzzle pieces (Blake, Peralta, Garko and Michaels). You can win with that. You just can’t win enough to take this division.
(Sidenote: All bets are off if the Indians management somehow convinces Casey Blake that every game is last year’s playoff series against the Red Sox. Seriously how many times did that guy get on base? I may have been drinking but I feel like he got like 50 hits off of us in like 5 games. By the end I wanted to light his beard on fire.)

Bullpen/Bench: The bench on this team is pretty solid with Carroll backing up the entire infield and OBP master David Dellucci as the outfield sub…you know, if you go in for that whole stats thing. The Indians’ middle relief was strong last year and should be again this year. However, having Joe Borowski closing games may prove to be like finishing a movie starring Jack Nicholson and Robert DiNero with a meaningful, heartfelt speech by Jimmy Fallon.

First Place – Detroit Tigers – PLAYOFFS (WORLD SERIES?)
Off Season: This team spent the winter going from good to terrifying. Out go big name players like Omar Infante, Chris Shelton, Sean Casey, Chad Durbin, and Mike Rabello and in come Denny Bautista, Jacque Jones, Edgar Renteria, Dontrelle Willis, and this guy Miguel Cabrera (maybe you’ve heard of him). That is like upgrading from a certificate from your local community college to a PhD from Harvard. Oh, and for all of you who keep saying Cabrera is eating himself out of the league, think about this: in Florida the guy had no veteran leadership and nothing to play for, Detroit doesn’t exactly have that problem. Can’t you picture Pudge and Sheff knocking Young Miguel’s lunch tray out of his hands and saying something like, “You can eat when you look like a ballplayer again.”

Pitching: All I’ve heard recently is that Dontrelle isn’t going to be good in the American League. Unfortunately for the rest of the league, he doesn’t need to be. The guy is going to be the number three starter in this rotation, not the ace, with two studs at the top of the rotation (Verlander and Bonderman) before you even get to Willis. Then they hit you with Kenny Rogers, who is quickly reaching “ageless wonder” status and finish up with Nate Robertson who is one of the most solid #5 starters in the league.

Lineup: Pitchers everywhere are waking up with cold sweats thinking about facing this lineup. The Tigers start All Stars at seven of nine positions (and it’s only a matter of time before Granderson joins the crowd). They have speed, power, and on-base guys. They have youthful exuberance and veteran leadership. They have one of the top leadoff hitters in the league, two of the best number two hitters (which means one will probably bat seventh) and a three-four-five of a star (Magglio Ordonez), a potential Hall of Famer (Sheff) and a budding super-duper star (Cabrera). But don’t worry, they only follow all of that up with a sure thing Hall of Famer (Pudge). Ugh, let’s move on before I start ripping shots.

Bullpen/Bench: Not only does this team have a dominant lineup, but they have the perfect medicine to combat the dreaded injury bug: a stacked bench. Brandon Inge has been really good for a couple of years, and Jacque Jones will probably be in a platoon in left with Thames. Ryan Raburn hit .304 in 138 at bats last season and Vance Wilson is a serviceable backup for Pudge. If this team does have one weakness, it’s the bullpen. Joel Zumaya is reportedly ahead of schedule in his recovery from injury, which could turn out to be the X-factor. The rest of the pen looks fairly pedestrian and Todd Jones makes Joe Borowski look like Catfish Hunter. But then again, Todd Jones has never been a dominant closer and yet managed to save 38 games last season. Even as a weakness, this bullpen doesn’t scream fatal flaw.

Overall
This division looks very good. The Tigers and Indians should both make the playoffs and the Tigers have a definite chance at the World Series. The bottom three teams aren’t good enough to compete for the division but could definitely play spoiler if any teams involved in a race has to play them late in the season.