Catching Problems? Bring in Josh Bard, Of Course!

Imagine you're the Red Sox (fun, right?). You have, as Robin pointed out in strongly-worded commentary bordering on hysteria, no catchers on your 25 man roster: your captain is on the market awaiting a multi-year offer that may never come and your backup - who, I should note, is one of the few catchers out there with the ability to catch the knuckleball pitcher who you still have on staff - hit the bricks for the shelter of your rivals because you made the odd decision to non-tender after his best (if admittedly not superb) season yet. What do you do?

Try and sign Josh Bard, apparently. You know, the guy the Sox sent to San Diego two seasons ago to get back Mirabelli because they realized not everyone can catch Wakefield. Um, duh? To Theo's credit, he's since admited that trade was a mistake, and given how that season turned out - and the lingering questions about the team's construction - who can blame him, but I'm starting to wonder where the strategy is in all of this mess. First, the Sox fail to come to an agreement with Varitek, which wasn't much of a surprise: things are very different in the personal and professional lives of Jason Varitek, and he wasn't going to give the Sox the same satisfaction of an easy deal like he did four years ago. Then, the aforementioned non-tender for Cash, the resultant lack of catchers...and Boston's decision to try and sign Bard, who has bad ankles and a checkered past in Boston that automatically rules out his playing one every five with Wakefield, all while insisting that they're still going after Varitek. Anyone else confused?

I could see Boston's using a Bard signing as an opportunity for both catchers to compete for the starting position - trading away the loser at the earliest opportunity - but that would only make sense if Varitek had agreed to play in a Red Sox uniform next year. Even then, unless Bard has some sort of resurgence, it's not like either catcher is particularly attractive trade bait, and if Bard performs well, why would Boston want to get rid of him except to fill a hole they should have already plugged by the start of the season? I feel like the Sox are trying to buy insurance for a car they may or may not own in the next four months, but maybe I'm missing something?

Farewell Dougie

In a SHOCKING turn of events, the Red Sox have RELEASED Doug Mirabelli. He was put on waivers and shown the door like any other run of the mill, overweight, .190 hitting, police escort taking, back-up catching loser...

But he wasn't some loser. He was the Belli. He was Wake's battery mate. He was one of us.

A fat slob who welcomed legends of eggplant parm. A gritty backstop who could catch a knuckleball that made lesser men retire in fright. This was a man who could catch a phone book, rip it in half and then smack it high, far, and deep into the night sky (only to watch it be caught shy of the warning track).

And do not go accusing me of unwavering fandom. I know this Goliath of a man was not without his faults. He was "Molina-esque" in land speed. His lumbering around the basepaths caused much hilarity for local fans and fear for local seismologists. Also, sadly, his hitting had started to decline. In fact, it went from" awful" to "below Mendoza-line measurements" with little hope of return. Even his streaky power has dropped off... but the ravages of time will claim us all won't they?

So now we must turn our eyes to Kevin Cash? Is this anything but a lateral move? Cash isn't much faster or younger or even much of a hitter... and his talents as a knuckleball fetcher does remain to be seen. So if all he brings to the table is "change"...is the value worth the loss?

Only time (and Wakefield's ERA) will tell.

Thwomp

Final score after three games: Boston Red Sox 47, Everyone Else 3. That's the how the 2008 Red Sox roll, bitches: with blood and thunder and a serious beat down for all opposed - even if two-thirds of the victims are college players. I can almost taste the sweet, sweet tang of a Mayor's Cup victory.

Ahem.

Seriously though, how about that George Kottaras? A good year and a half since receiving the dubious honor of being the player to be named later in the David Wells trade, the free-swinging catcher started the pre-year out right by going 2 for 2 with a walk, two runs, three RBI and Red Sox home run number three of the evening. One good day doesn't make Kottaras a threat to take Tek or Mirabelli's jobs just yet - can he catch a knuckleball? - but if he's motivated to make 2008 the year he reverses his ugly collection of minor league stats (more than two strikeouts for every walk? Not cool), there's no better way to get started. I'm very interested to see how many rounds of cuts he lasts, and what he's able to do while he's getting the big league playing time.

Tomorrow: round two versus the Twinkies in an afternoon game with the inimitable Jon Lester. Will he dazzle the Twins with his Harry Houdini style? Will the will-o-the-wisp of ball control be his at last to grasp? Only time and your favorite text-based play by play display will be the judge.

Casey At the Bat

NICE! A 34 year old non-mobile 1st baseman that can't play any other position and is an injury risk! Sign me up!

Naw I'm just kidding. Sean Casey for $800,000 and 1 year is a good deal and it gives us an option when Youk or Lowell need to sit. The guy hits for good average (but no power) and can KILL lefties. I love that. Anyone who can do that gets a special gold star in my book (it's a picture book).

Also, this is a premium clubhouse guy. The Mayor already has an established following, a great nickname and he is gonna mesh really well with this group of goofballs and headcases.

So that's the corner bench guy, Cora has the middle infield, Coco and Jacoby backing each other (and Manny and Drew) in the outfield, and Beilli and the alternate backstop. So is that the bench? This what we're going with?

I like it... I'm hip.

Dougie Rides Again

It seemed inevitable - who else were they going to use? Kevin Cash? - but Doug Mirabelli will be back for another year of knuckleball catching fun, being the stud who hits bombs, killing it, and killing it again, all for the bargain price of half a million dollars. I get that the Sox are going to keep trying to find replacements for a once-a-week catcher who's on the ugly side of 35 and whose glory days of an OPS+ above 100 faded along with the 2004 season, but shouldn't they just give Doug the same endless one year options they've given Wake and be done with it? They could even tie the option to Wake's continuing to pitch to make the two players completely inseparable, and then apply to the commissioner's office to have the new unit count as only one roster spot. How could that idea not have the potential it needs to get done? By the way: I'd also take Doug keeping with last year's trend, hitting above .250, and maybe - just maybe - not swinging for the fences on every pitch.

What to Do...What to Do

It wouldn't be a hot stove season at Keep Your Sox On unless our pal DC had a few pearls of baseball wisdom to dispense to the fortunate masses. Here's his take on how the front office is doing as they gear up for the 2008 campaign. Enjoy...

I've been promising to give my opinion of the off-season needs of the Old Towne Team ever since the World Series ended. So why am I so late in doing so? Well, let’s just say that living with Robin can apparently make you lazy through osmosis. So yeah, I know Theo and the boys have already done some things but its never too late to chime in. So without further ado, we might as well start with what’s already happened...

Moves Made:

• Schilling Re-signed – I would have approached this exactly as the front office did. The pitching market this off-season is as dreadful as Ron Jeremy’s physique, so why wouldn’t you throw a one year deal at Schill? Even if he’s no longer a top two guy, he's still a workhorse who competes, drives the rest of the pitching staff, and wants to win. Maybe he can even teach young Clay how to put a little meat on his bones.
  
  
• Lowell Re-signed – This too was ideal in my eyes. I was saying during the World Series that they should offer the Cuban George Clooney a 3 year deal with a club or mutual option for a 4th. Turns out, they got the man with the golden glove for 3 years without the option. So now we all win, Lowell gets paid, the Sox get a World Series MVP, we all get to enjoy his flawless defense and my girlfriend still has someone to think about while we’re in bed...yeah, don’t ask.
  
  
• Wake’s Option Picked Up – This was a no-brainer! Timmy Knuckles continues to be one of the biggest bargains in the league. The guy gives you quality innings, saves your pen, and is one of the vets who keeps things loose. Wake’s option will be picked up every year until he decides to hang it up...and then hopefully he’ll go teach the knuckleball to our A and AA squads.
  
  
• JT’s Option Picked Up – Much like signing Schilling, this makes total sense. The free agent relief pitchers this year are like a who’s who of crap. The devil that you know is much better than the devil that you don’t...particularly when the devil that you know is nuttier than squirrel turds and a quality relief option.

Work To Be Done:

I like the strategy that Theo and the moneymakers seem to be following. In short, secure the starting line up, re-arm the bullpen and then fill in the bench. So let’s look at these three tasks in order:

• Starting Lineup – With Lowell signed, the only decision to be made is who’s in center field. Personally, I like Coco. The guy is a freaking vacuum in center field, only if a vacuum was jet-propelled and was able to fly through the air like Bobby Orr. That being said, Jacoby is clearly the talk of the town and is clearly talented. Sounds like a no lose situation to this guy.
  
  
• Bullpen – As of right now we have a pen of Paps, Okie Dokie, MDC, JT Killer, Javier the Lesser, and Franken-Bronson. Unfortunately a quick perusal of the free agent market leaves you feeling like you just ate a crate of Hot Pockets. While optimistic Sox fans may have faith in the emergence of Bryan Corey and Brendan Donnelly, the reality is we’re talking about a 34 year old with only 3 years of experience in the bigs and a guy coming off Tommy John surgery. So, the front office is going to have to rescue some arms off of this year’s free agent scrap heap and they already missed out on the likes of Kerry Wood, David Riske and Scott Linebrink. Here are some viable options:
  
  
• Mike Timlin – This guy is quickly becoming the ageless wonder. Just when we were all writing him off this season, he came back and cut through more lumber than Paul Bunyan. As long as Tito doesn’t overuse him, he'll be great for 2008.
  
  
• Jeremy Affeldt – Managed to rejuvenate his career for this year’s NL Champs and he’s one of the few free agents who’s actually under 30.
  
  
• Ron Mahay – I don’t know...why not? I trust him more than LaTroy Hawkins.
  
  
• Bench – At this point our bench consists of Alex Cora and the aforementioned Ellsbury. That means we probably have 3 spots that need to be filled and they most likely need to be an outfielder, catcher and utility guy...
  
  
• Catcher – I know somehow Belli fell out of favor with the Boston fans. But here’s the deal, no other guy in the league is a sure thing when it comes to catching Timmy Knuckles. There is no youth available so you’re not getting Tek’s future replacement this off season. So why not go with the sure thing?
  
  
• Outfielder - Bobby Kielty: that huge home run in the World Series has got to be worth something right?
  
  
• Utility - Rob Mackowiak, Eric Hinske, Mike Lamb – None of them are going to carry a team any time soon. But each will give you innings at multiple positions and they all have experience starting games if need be.

Irons in the Fire:

You didn’t think we could go through this roundup without discussion of the blockbuster trade rumors, did you? Honestly, the Santana trade makes me uneasy because of the size of the contract that it will take to complete this deal. $25 million a year is a lot of money for any pitcher. At this point, making a trade for Erik Bedard is more enticing. This trade will cost the Sox fewer prospects and less money. In fact, the ideal move here would be something along the lines of Lester, Coco, Jed Lowry and a mid-to-low level prospect for Bedard and Kevin Millar. This gets Theo the splashy pitcher that he wants, solves the need for a utility guy and makes Boston the most fun-filled clubhouse in the league again. Everybody wins! Regardless of who the Sox trade for (Santana, Bedard, Haren) the real concern here is what does this mean about Dice-K? Do Theo and the boys no longer see him as Schilling’s replacement as 1A to Beckett’s 1?

The Party's Over

The party's over, and people have started to leave. As the overhead fluorescents flicker back on, the mood lighting disappears in a blast of blue-white glare and you're left holding what you hope is the jacket you wore on the way in. The World Series is over, the rolling rally has rolled on into history, and it's time to figure out who's coming back in 2008 and who's hitting the dusty trail to another city and another team. As the announcements start to pour in, however, let's hope the powers who manage our favorite team learned one thing from the aftermath of 2004: trying to duplicate success with cheaper replacement parts dances with disaster at every turn. So far, they haven't figured out that means bringing back Mike Lowell, but there have been a few other moves of note:

Exploring New Opportunities

• Curt Schilling - No surprise here; Curt's been talking his next move since the Sox declined to extend his contract by a year back in the Spring. The master of media relations has been keeping the media and fans abreast of select negotiations matters through his blog, including an announcement intended to dispel rumors that he's ceased discussions with Boston management. Should Curt stay in Boston: behind the fate of Mike Lowell, that's the biggest question about this championship team. I've been inclined to say no, to give both Lester and Buchholz space to shine in next year's rotation, but that means Matsuzaka would need to have a much more consistent year in 2008. Safe money would have Schilling back for one more year.
  
  
• Doug Mirabelli - Dougie filed before the Sox announced they'd be exercising Wakefield's option and before Kevin Cash chose free agency over assignment to Pawtucket, so it's likely he'll be back in Boston for another year, come hell, high water or the promotion of catcher Dusty Brown. When it comes to the knuckleball, I can't see the Sox making the same mistake twice.
  
  
• Bobby Kielty - I wonder how much that pinch-hit, game-difference, helped-win-the-World-Series-with-one-swing home run added to his contract value as a utility player. I'd wish this guy luck, but with Eric Hinske testing the waters I wonder whether or not Kielty might end up making a good bench option for 2008.
  
  
• Matt Clement - I think that marks the end of the "We Don't Need Pedro...We Can Sign Two Starters for Double the Effectiveness at Half the Cost!" experiment Theo launched in 2004. I'd say it all worked out poorly for Boston (I still have nightmares about David Wells taking the mound), but the Sox were right: Pedro's arm is now seeking to finalize the divorce from his shoulder, and the Mets are still paying him to rehab. I guess the winners are the teams that got the compensatory draft picks.
  
  
• Eric Gagne - So, um...don't let the door hit you on the way out, ok?
  

Demonstrating Their Commitment to the Team

• Tim Wakefield - A year without Wakefield on the mound in a Boston uniform is a year I don't want to face, and fortunately neither does the Sox Front Office: they picked up the 2008 version of the recurring option for another year of Knuckleball Fun Featuring Tim Wakefield after an arthogram revealed his aching shoulder just needs rest. I say he goes for 18 wins next year.
  
  
• Julian Tavarez - The Sox didn't put him on the post-season roster, but they still decided to bring the highly versatile and slightly crazed Tavarez back for a third round of erratic pitching, wild gesticulations and blood-soaked baby sacrifice. My theory: either Tavarez is Theo's backup plan in case either Lester or Buchholz turns into a bust, or the Sox couldn't bear to part Manny from his static electricity partner.
  
  
• John Farrell - "Those, rumahs, erah, aboutah Pittsburgh, were, erah, spread by my enemies to discredit me." Probably a good thing if the pitching coach for the team with the lowest ERA in the AL stayed around after that team won a championship, hmmm? Might help contribute to future titles and all that?
  

Entering a Mutually-Chosen Period of Readjustment

• Royce Clayton - Clayton was the acquisition most people (including myself) don't remember Boston making in August; the guy who played six games and sat on the bench in the post-season, and now he's gone, just like that. Royce, we hardly knew ye, and at age 37, it seems a little unlikely any other team will, either. We'll always have Taco Bell, though.
  

Game 125: Chairman of the Board

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 6, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 0

Remember when Scott Kazmir owned the Sox? Yeah, that sucked. Was it already (over) a year ago that Kazmir's final 0wn4g3 of Old Towne Team took place? How time flies...just like the ball off the Boston bats tonight. High-O!

Wakefield came into tonight's game with an 8 and 0 record with a 2.33 ERA in 18 games at Tropicana Field; an 18 and 2 record with a 2.83 ERA in 33 games overall against the Devil Rays. He is, as per Robin's witty quip from a conversation this afternoon, a shareholder in the Tampa Bay front office. He comes to the town, Red Sox in tow, and demands the respect accorded to the chairman of the mutha-frickin' board. Who cares if Doug "Chicken Parm" Mirabelli, the only catcher alive who has a hope of wraslin' the bounding puppy we casually refer to as a knuckleball to the ground in good order is nursing a messed up leg and can't play? It matters not that secondary option Kevin Cash is a fall guy in place to keep the Captain from looking ridiculous chasing bounders back to the backstop; Wake's here, he's ownin' some Ray ass, get used to it.

It didn't hurt that the Sox offense sweetened the deal by winning the game before The Chairman even took the mound: single, walk, two-run double by Lowell to score Pedroia and Youkilis took the lead in hand right from the get go, setting the stage for seven innings of Wake dominance where Tampa Bay managed to a runner to third once, but no further. Kevin Cash even managed to catch the ball when it really mattered, turning a possible Achilles heel into an afterthought in the path of victory. Now's the time to pave that path with some more Rays losses and turn this first win into a steamroller streak.

Game 122: Let’s Play 2! (part 2)

A good, great and grand win in game one that saw Clay Buchholz get his first major league victory. The only down note was the injury to Doug Mirabelli who hurt his calf rounding third and is now going on the DH for an undisclosed period of time. With Tek taking over from the 2nd inning on, it leaves us with a disturbing question… who’s catching game 2?

Leave it to the Red Sox to throw cash at the problem… actually its minor league catcher Kevin Cash who is being flown in and might get the same police escort/red carpet treatment Belli got last year. I hope he gets to Fenway in time or we might be looking at emergency catcher Alex Cora… yikes!

So Beckett will have to deal with a replacement backstop as he goes for the double-header sweep. I hope he can keep his winning ways as he faces underachieving Ervin Santana. I’ll be typing live (sorta?) as the game progresses so drop me a line in the comments.

I’ll be back for the first pitch.

.....

Some breaking news! Ellsbury will be starting in center tonight and leading off, while replacement catcher Kevin Cash won’t be in the clubhouse till about an hour after the first pitch. As of right now it’s going to be Tek starting behind the plate but he may be relieved by Cash as the game progresses. This also pushes Wakefield’s start back to Monday (so he can go back to owning Tampa) and Tavarez will be going Sunday. So it’s kinda a whirlwind of activity as the Sox try to make the best of a bad situation. Hopefully the Sox only lose Belli for two of Wakefield’s starts. Any more and it could mean a slide for our favorite knuckleballer.

First Inning:

A different lineup in the nightcap. Coco, Youk and Cora are sitting for Ellsbury, Hinske and Lugo respectively. To celebrate his return to the lineup, Lugo flubs O-Cabs ground ball that was hit right to him. Welcome back. Maybe he can redeem himself like Drew did in game one. No problem though as Beckett climbed his way out of the mess.

Santana didn’t have much problem dropping the Sox in order. I hope we didn’t use all our runs in the first game.

Sox 0, Angels 0

Second Inning:

This could be a quick game if it wasn’t for all the pitches Beckett is using. He seems to be at a full count to ever batter he faces. Angels go down in order though.

Santana is just as quick and a little more economical. Sox go 1,2,3 and seem to have lost any momentum they had from game one. No hits, no base runners.

Sox 0, Angels 0

Third Inning:

Beckett breaks down. It looked like he was on the verge with all the pitches he was using, but the levee finally burst with a single by O-Cabs and the RBI double from Vlad. Only one run, but he’s already threw 51 pitches through only 3 innings. Not a good sign.

Nothing doing on the Sox end however. Tek (fly out), Hinske (K) and Lugo (K) go down like blades of grass to a weed whacker. Something needs to happen soon or Santana is going to pitch a complete game without breaking a sweat. In fact… he’s pitching a NO HITTER!!!

Sox 0, Angels 1

Forth Inning:

Gary Mathews goes down swinging as Beckett regains his composure. Only took 6 pitches to retire the Angels bats this time. NESN was in the middle of an interview with a cancer survivor and wasn’t able to show the last out of the inning cause it only took one pitch. This game is FLYING by. I won’t even be drunk by the time this is done.

It’s ugly when the most time consuming moment in this half of the inning was when Ortiz went down on one knee. He is obviously hurting and I was shocked to see him stay in the game. He struck out anyway. Did I mention that Santana is pitching a NO HITTER? Actually, it’s a PERFECT GAME at this point. Wow… a PERFECT GAME.

Sox 0, Angels 1

Fifth Inning:

Lugo flubbed another one. Not an error but well within his reach when he dove for it. Instead it went into center field. Not a problem as Beckett gets a popup and then 2 K’s to end it. O-Cabs looked VERY silly taking his last strike on the outside of the plate.

OH! A chink in the armor! After Manny grounded out, Drew floated a single into shallow right. Total bloop hit that didn’t really lead to anywhere. Santana gets Lowell to pop out and Tek struck out swinging. This… is… sad…

Sox 0, Angels 1

Sixth Inning:

AHHHHH Lugo did it again! This WAS an error as he boots a hard hit grounder from Vlad to lead off the inning. I want to set him on FIRE. Singles from Anderson and Izturis lead to another run and my fists to clench as pound my computer desk. Beckett is still dealing and K’s Mathews, Quinlan and Budde, but the damage already done… done by LUGO…

And now Lugo with some redemption! He doubles to deeeeep center back by the triangle. Now all he needs is two more hits to make up for all his mistakes today. I’m not holding my breath. But guess what? He never left second base. This squander business is really getting old.

Sox 0, Angels 2

Seventh Inning:

Beckett still in and pitching as best he can. It’s really been the defense and bats that have let him down in this one. Angels go in order and Lugo was even able to cleanly field a hard hit shot by O-Cabs to end the inning. Give him the slow clap. Beckett is now over 100 pitches so this might have been his last inning. He should have got a win today, but I don’t think it’s in the cards.

Papi with a leadoff single, Drew with a double and things are looking bright. Santana seems to be weakening… and he’s pulled by Scioscia. I’m not sure the Sox are going to get anywhere with this Angels bullpen. Lowell gets a sacrifice off reliever Speier to get Papi in… some sunlight… but Drew is stranded in scoring position. We needed to break that open and it didn’t happen. Closer, but still looking bleak.

Sox 1, Angels 2

Eighth Inning:

As the rain starts to fall Delcarman comes in and MDC wastes NO time in giving up a triple to Vlad. Jacoby could have fielded this better… but NOT a good showing for MDC. One sac fly later and Vlad is in. There goes that daylight. Mathews follows that showing with a solo shot and in JUST 5 PITCHES the lead is extended by 2. This is a disaster. Beckett final line was 7 innings, 5 hits, 1 ER and 8 K. Oh and he’s on the hook for the loss. What a mess.

Scott Shields is now in pitching to the bottom of the order. I’m not saying I don’t have faith… but I’m not too hopeful. After a Hinske K, Lugo manages a walk and so does Ellsbury as Shields begins to lose his control. Then Pedroia lines one into left to load the bases… for Big Papi… the hurting Big Papi. Hoo boy. But before that drama, Scioscia goes and gets K-Rod to try and end the threat. I’m chewing my nails here. Crazy wild pitch scores Lugo from third and all the other runners move up… AND PAPI TIES IT!!! Big double to the wall and BOOM 4-4!! Wow! THEN MANNY!!!! RIGHT IN THE GARAGE!!! SOX LEAD!!! We couldn’t get to the bad starter so we take on the better than solid bullpen? I don’t get it at all! But I LOVE IT!

Sox 5, Angels 4

Ninth Inning:

Holy crap am I nervous. The whole infield and outfield has been switched, Coco in center, Jacoby in left, Cora at second and Youk at first. Also… Gagne in pitching. BIG FREAKING GULP. Paps saved the first game so our closer mark 2 is tapped to finish off this one. Given his up and down performance lately (mostly down) I think Sox Nation should be understandably on edge. After about 10,000 pitches, pinch hitter Willits flies to center. That didn’t help my nerves much. Next up is Kotchman who KILLED in the first game and he walks on 5 pitches... it’s maddening. Figgins takes another dozen or so pitches and then lines one into left leaving runners on the corners. When O-Cabs lines a single into right… I’m not even surprised. This is only his 2nd actual blown save, but it’s the 3rd time in less than 7 games he screwed the Sox out of a win. Vlad lines a double to the wall… I can barely type right now. I have never been so mad in my life. 3 runs and still only one out. Where is Francona? Does he need someone to wake him up so the game can end? It’s LUCK that they get Anderson and then double the sleepy Vlad off second. Gagne is a joke… a total freak-show disaster. The bearded fool.

Crest fallen, the Sox look limp at the plate. Tek ground out weakly and then Youk is rung up on an AWFUL non-foul call (the ball obviously hit the bat) and Francona wakes up just in time to get tossed from the game… Youk too. They are as mad as me… but decorum says you can’t yell at your reliever so they pick on the ump. Call it displaced rage. I want Lugo to strike out and end this miserable disaster and he can’t even do THAT right. On the 8th pitch of the at-bat he lines one right to Mathews in center… ballgame.

This loss brought to you by Lugo, Delcarman and of course Eric Gagne. Call him a loser, call him washed up or call him a Yankee spy, but whatever you call him… make sure it’s not when the game is on the line. Thanks for sticking around those who read this mess… I’m gonna go kick a puppy.

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 5, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 7

Game 121: Let’s Play 2!

I will be live blogging BOTH games today! That’s right… I will distract you at work AND at home on this fantastic double-header Friday. I will be updating inning by inning (maybe?) and I wait with bated breath for the debut of Clay Buchholz. Wait… he has a double “H” in his last name? Clay desperately needs a nickname… I vote “Butch” but I am willing to hear some other alternates. I’ll be back with more before game time.

…….

Good morning everyone (or afternoon? I gotta stop drinking). Well, whatever time of day it is, I am more than ready for the all-day 2 game Sox explosion. However, before they can play ANYTHING the Sox need to change the roster a bit and it looks like Wily Mo is the odd man out. He has been given his walking papers to make room for Buchholz who will in turn be sent back down to AAA before the second game so Jacoby Ellsbury can start in the outfield. Now this means that new pickup Bobby Kielty might be out of luck for the time being, but he looked unready anyway. Interstingly the big problem with this move is WHAT is happening to Wily Mo. Is he DFA’ed? Has he been traded? It hasn’t been announced yet, but he is NOT in the park and his locker is empty.

ADIOS Wily Mo… I hope you get the at-bats you need, want and have been asking for. I just hope curveballs don’t make you go insane. Godspeed.

So let’s get this party started. I’ll be back with a little hair of the dog, first inning insights and thoughts on the man with the pending nickname: Clay Buchholz.

See you in 30.

First Inning:

Mmmmm. That first beer is always the smoothest. Anyway, Clay looks like he’s 12 years old. It’s Jimmy Fund Day at the ballpark and I thought Clay was gonna be one of the little kids that reads off the lineups and calls everyone “Mr.”

Clay is having trouble finding the strike zone and his first 4 pitches were balls to Figgins. Great… not like this guy can run or anything. After a popup from O-Cabs, J.D. Drew just gave me another reason to hate his guts. Vlad hit a LAZY fly ball and Drew just dropped it. No excuses, he just freaking dropped it. If Clay could shoot lasers out of his eyes, I know who he’d be looking at. Figgin scores on Andersons groundball out. He strikes out Gary “I have a contract cause I had one good catch” Mathews Jr. to end the threat. Angles got a run… but they didn’t get a hit? Gimme a break.

As for the Sox turn at the plate, Don and Jerry were JUST saying how good Lackey is when Pedroia lines one into the corner. It was going to be a double anyway but some moron touched it. DON’T TOUCH BALLS IN PLAY JERKS!! Youk struck out (weakly) but it didn’t really matter… cause Papi had the tomahawk chop and BLASTED a homer off Lackey. Then Manny singled deep, then Drew redeemed himself with a mighty triple (?!?!?!?!) and then Lowell singled him home. After Coco popped out, Belli ALMOST was a stud who hit a bomb, but settled with a DEEP RBI double. Cora doubled him home… but he comes up lame! Oh man… I hope we got enough runs cause Belli looks really hurt. If your keeping score at home, the Sox have batted around and hit for the cycle in the first inning… fun fun fun.

Almost lost in all this fun was the destiny of Wily Mo Pena. Sox just announced he is going to the Nationals for a player to be named later. I hope that player isn’t Wily Mo Pena.

Sox 6, Angels 1

Second Inning:

ANNNNND Belli is done. Tek (who might be catching BOTH games?) is now behind the plate. This could get ugly later. More bad news… the no hitter is now over as Kotchman lines a single into center. Another walk and Clay looks like he is having some location troubles. Tek and Lowell hold a mound meeting to tell him that he better throw strikes or he is getting the WORST pink belly ever. It works. He gets a big double play to end the inning.

After Ortiz gets a single through the shift, Manny steps in and has some choice words for himself or Lackey or SOMEBODY after a powerful foul ball. Lackey gets mad and puts one on his jersey. Smart move for a guy who is letting everyone hit EVERYTHING… why not put another guy on base? Drew quickly gets a single up the middle and loads the bases.

Oh man… they just showed the pizza throwing thing again on NESN. I’m laughing so hard I’m ALMOST ok that the Sox just squandered the bases loaded situation. Almost.

Sox 6, Angels 1

Third Inning:

Official word is that Belli has a strained right calf and may not be available for the second game tonight. Who knows what this really means. They might have to amputate his leg for all we know. The problem now is what do we do for a backup? Is Cora gonna catch?? Yikes.

Anyway, Clay is STILL having control issues. He’s not missing by much, but he IS missing. Seems like a nibbler type of pitcher. I hate that. One thing he does have going for him is that his location creates some awesome opportunities for double plays… and he gets another one here. Another thing he has is a nasty changeup that makes hitters looks silly when they expect a low 90’s fastball. The kid looks a little rough… but has a very high upside. Another walk to Figgins and a single to Vlad don’t amount to anything as Clay wiggles his way out of trouble.

Now, who’s this guy pitching for the Angels? He looks like Lackey and is wearing his uniform, but he actually looks like a good pitcher! Shocking! The Sox go down in order. I hope we aren’t letting these guys off the hook.

Sox 6, Angels 1

Fourth Inning:

Wow… Gary Mathews has NO answer for Clay’s changeup. It’s just a nasty pitch that fooled the overrated outfielder for the second time today. A double from Kotchman spoils the perfect inning, but Clay is unfazed. If his wildness today is just nerves then this guy is gonna be really good. His fastball, curve, slider and changeup all look like major league stuff.

Reports of Youk’s demise were false indeed as he gets in on the hit parade and singles into center to start off the top of the fourth. Then something I never seen occurred. After Papi and Manny pop up, Drew hits a soft single to Vlad in right. Vlad quickly throws into third to try to get Youk… and he gets him alright… gets him right in the shoulder. The ball bounces into the dugout and Youk is given home plate and Drew stands on third. Really weird way to get a run. Whatever, I’ll take it.

Sox 7, Angels 1

Fifth Inning:

Clay seems to be coming apart a bit. Single, single, single, single and the Angels get 2 more runs on the board before I get a chance to open another beer. He struck out Willits to start the inning, but has looked like a T-ball pitcher since then. Thankfully Gary Mathews Jr. is his bitch and lines into a prefect double play to end the inning.

Awww… Lackey is cut loose and Chris Bootcheck gets the mound and mop-up duty. Coco greets the new pitcher with a single into left and now every Sox starter has a hit in this game. Little stats like that are why I get up in the morning. Coco moves to second on a questionable balk from Bootcheck, but the Sox can’t manage to get him home. I hope the bats wake back up because I have the feeling we are going to need some more runs in this one.

Sox 7, Angels 3

Sixth Inning:

Clay (82 pitches) is still in but Oki is now warming. Kotchman (kinda owns this kid) doubles and Aybar bunts him over to third (nice slide to first from Youk to beat Aybar). Sac fly plates Kotchman and I’m stating to get pissed. The Angels freaking small ball makes me sick to my ass. Just hit the ball like a normal team and pick a city to call your own while you’re at it. Can you imagine the Harford Red Sox of Boston? Yeah… it sounds stupid. Willits strikes out and that should be the end for Buchholz. His line is a solid 6 innings, 8 hits, 4 runs, 3 earned, 3 BB and 5 K. Good job kid.

Eliza Dushku in the booth with Don and Jerry. Sooooooo hot. She’s talking about cancer and the Jimmy Fund (good cause… call the telethon line at 1-877-738-1234), but wow… really hot. Watching Don and Jerry flirt (LOL) is just distracting enough to almost miss Youk and Ortiz go down quickly. Manny singles, but is left on when Drew lines out. Mmmm Eliza Dushku…. but she's dating Brad Penny? Ewwww.

Sox 7, Angels 4

Seventh Inning:

Oki is in and Oki is freaking amazing. 2 K’s (made O-Cabs look BAD with an Oki-dokie) and the first 1,2,3 inning of the day for the Sox. We need to see this guy in the 8th. I am calling it right now… he MUST pitch the 8th inning. He only threw 10 pitches! Don’t screw this up Francona.

Bootcheck is back for a 3rd inning. The more I look at this guy, the more I realize his name is stupid. I guess his family comes from a long line of cobblers. Well shoemakers or not… he shuts the Sox down in order. Somebody tell Don and Jerry. They were too busy laughing about losing Bill Simmons registration for Sox Nation President to watch the game. I haven’t really commented on the whole President of Sox Nation thing… because I don’t care! It’s a marketing thing and a silly one at that. Great… now I sound like a stick in the mud. Damn you Sox Nation.

Sox 7, Angels 4

Eighth Inning:

YES! Oki is back! And he gives up a lead off single? Whoops… my bad. After a pop out, Kotchman gets his 4th hit today and now the tying run is at the plate. Oki gets Aybar swinging and then Francona goes to Papelbon for the 4 out save. Well, he got the first one with no problem. It only took 2 pitches to get pinch hitter Izturis to pop out and to get me to spill a beer with a yelp of joy.

Angels switch things up with pitcher Greg Jones. Good thing too cause we couldn’t touch Jackboot or whatever his name was. Pedroia is particularly thankful cause he takes Jones deep with a big ‘ol swing over the Monster. Then he couldn’t find the plate. Walked Youk and hit Manny (not intentional), but reclaimed his composure and K’ed Drew. They got the one run, but I think Francona is still gonna stay with Paps to close it out.

Sox 8, Angels 4

Ninth Inning:

Jerry Remy just called out Bill Clinton and Kevin Garnet for not getting anyone in Arkansas or Minnesota to call in and donate to the Jimmy Fund. That was a little surreal. Anyway, Papelbon hasn’t been donating money… he IS money. He K’ed Willits then punched out Figgins on a nasty pitch on the outside corner. O-Cab singled to Manny, but Vlad pops out to the triangle to end it.

So a good win for the Sox and the first for Clay Buchholz. Still working on a nickname for this guy. So far “Butch”, “Buck”, “Clay” and “Double H” are on the board, but I am willing to hear others.

Next game starts at 7, so I am gonna take a little break. This got kinda long so I’ll split the second game into another post. Great job taking the first one guys… I want to see Beckett go 8 strong in the second match-up so our bullpen isn’t too taxed. Hopefully we will have more info on the catcher situation soon. I would really hate to see Tek catch both games… but what are the other options? See you at 7.

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 8, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 4

Game 113: Knuckleball as Metaphor for a Game

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 4, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 10

Tim Wakefield stands and glares in at the plate with that straight-backed look he gets before he throws a pitch, the one where he looks like he's contemplating something. His windup looks almost old fashioned, like the movies you see of pitchers throwing to a young Babe Ruth. His pitch of choice is as old as the hills, too and rarely practiced in this modern day, but it leaves his hand all the same and meanders towards the plate with just a little spin and a whole lot of spring in its step. To see it curve in two directions is not uncommon, to see it baffle batters trying to get a bead on its speed and direction is the expected result. The knuckleball thrives on frustration through shifting momentum.

The courses of last night's game were that shifting frustration mutated into contest; the dance of knuckleball echoed back in the score column. The Sox scored first, the Angels recovered for two over three innings. Boston started to drive a stake into Angels' starter Saunders in the fifth, as The Stud Who Hits Bombs went deep on a no-doubter and Youkilis drove in Pedroia with a double, but the winds shifted again, putting the Angels back on top, driving Wakefield from the game for his second-worst start of the year and his worst since June 1 and turning another potential victory into a total loss. Damn you, winds of fate. Damn you straight to hell.

I'll admit it: I'm dispirited. It's hard to make with the happy face when you're mired in a heat wave where the air is so thick you can taste it, while your team is playing to lose on late night and their rival is gaining ground. However, this trip may truly be the test that tries men's souls and in that test, despair is found only those who are wanting. I have faith: I want that AL East crown so bad I can taste it. This team is too good for anything else to happen.

Game 108: Bobby Doerr Day

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 7, Baltimore Orioles 4

Bobby Doerr Day? On what may be the great second baseman's final appearance in Fenway Park? You can't beat that karma, baby. You just can't. It was like the Yankees coming to Fenway on Ring Day, 2005; the Orioles should have just called a forfeit beforehand and saved themselves the time.

Instead, they decided to give it the old college try against Wakefield, going for win number lucky thirteen. Wake's been on a bit of tear lately, recovering from his early June eight-inning rock star showing (and subsequent two game slump) by winning four out of his last five innings and not going under six innings of work. Today sweetened the pot that much more by being his best outing in more than a month: seven innings, six hits, three runs and five Ks. A bit of a slip in the fifth inning - damn you, Aubrey Huff - but really, no complaints wanted or needed for today's job.

Meanwhile, the Sox pulled another turn-around from their collective hat, rocking the decrepit Orioles bullpen for four runs in the seventh to recover and hold the lead. And while credit must be given to the P-Dawg's two run double that put the icing on the cake (and saved Paps another appearance) for today's scoring efforts, the real stud was none other than the Stud Who Hits Bombs, Doug Mirabelli, sporting a shiny 3 for 3 with 2 runs day. And let there be no mistaking it: Dougie went deep today. Booyah.

Game 93: A Sad State

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 3, Kansas City Royals 9

The Royals? We got our asses kicked by the Royals? This is like coming in second in the Special Olympics except you KNOW you’re retarded. Where’s the short bus and the rubber pants because the Sox are ready to take the slow road to head-slapping-town.

Honestly I don’t have the time or the patience to go into how much of a disaster this was (Wakefield I am looking at you) because I am moving and causing a drastic change in the blog format (more on that to come later).

This was seriously the worst thing that could have happened. Doesn’t anyone realize that the Yankees are breathing down our necks (only 8 games back now)? Don’t people know that a .500 record isn’t going to cut it for the rest of the season? Hasn’t the bench duo of Hinske and Mirabelli been bad enough to induce vomiting in most rational humans?

These are the dregs and we are supposed to beat up on the dregs. This calls for ultimate phony parental crazy guilt.

Ahem…

The Sox don’t have the best record in baseball… is that what you wanted? To be second best? How can you do this to this to our nation/family? Haven’t we cared for you enough? Haven’t we been there through thick and thin? DO YOU WANT TO SEE US IN PAIN??? Look… you’ve made your mother cry. She’s crying because you fail. Just go. Do whatever you want, but don’t come crawling back here expecting a playoff run. God, you make me so crazy.

See? Scary wasn’t it? More losses like this and there's more where that came from. You’ve been warned, Red Sox.

I Must Break You

DC and I were talking this morning and he mentioned that he entered a state of emotional numbness regarding our favorite team. In an effort to pull him out of the Sox-induced tailspin - and because I wanted some new material - I goaded him into writing about Barry Bonds and his first visit to Fenway. As always, I hope you enjoy.

With the Giants coming to town this weekend for the first time ever and a mere ten home runs separating Hank Aaron from second place all-time, it’s time to talk about Barry Bonds. Now, my position on him is very clear: for about 2 seasons now I’ve been saying that if I was a pitcher I’d throw at him every time, fines and suspensions be damned. I figure in this day and age where pitch counts rule the world, 1 is better than 4 and it takes 4 balls to pitch around Barry and 1 to drill him. It’s very simple math. And while there are plenty of big questions about this series – can the Sox get off this free fall that they’re on, can the bats wake up against Zito, Cain & Morris – the most important one is: Will anyone have the guts to take Barry out? That’s why I present to you with the pros and cons of beaning Barry:

Pros:

• The guy is a jerk! He hates everyone! He hates the media, he hates his teammates, he hates the fans, and he even hates the legends of the game that aren’t named Willie Mays. And he’s very open with his hatred for others. Honestly, I bet every time Barry gets hit every reporter, fan, umpire, and player in the league celebrates a little inside. I certainly do and I bet you do, too.
• It not only keeps the pitcher’s name off the list of guys who contributed to his pursuit of the record that nobody wants him to have, but also guarantees him a spot on every highlight show in the country (especially if he hits Barry hard).
• If we’re lucky, he’ll charge the mound (as much as Barry can charge anything these days – he’s so slow the bullpen catcher will take him out before he gets there) and get a big suspension. Bud Selig will then secretly deliver the plunking pitcher a big suitcase full of $100 bills to say thanks.
• The way Barry hangs over the plate, we might just get the double whammy of hitting him AND getting a strike call. Now tell me that isn’t a story for the grandkids.
• If you’re JT Psycho you have everything to gain. You’re headed back to the pen in a month or so and when you’re a set up guy your greatest asset is how crazy people think you are. So JT, your best move is to hit Barry and then charge HIM to finish the job!
• If you’re Dice-K, what better way to win over the league? Everyone knows that Japanese players love the history of baseball and Dice-K told everyone how excited he was to toe the same rubber as Babe Ruth. The odds are good that he hates Barry as much as anyone. So riddle me this… what’s the Japanese word for “chin music”?
• If you’re Wake, you’ve been saving up this fastball for your entire career. Everyone thinks you’re an old man with no power in that right arm. Imagine how effective your knuckleball would be after the league saw you break Barry’s humerus… THROUGH THE ARMOR! And you’re just old school enough to do it.

Cons:

• All of Barry’s fans will hate you. That means you can probably never set foot in San Francisco or Barry’s mom’s house. Other than that you should be fine. So what are you really missing out on here? Some hills, earthquakes and a fluorescent orange bridge? I bet the city is still rebuilding after the filming of the chase scene in The Rock. You know what? This point might actually be a Pro.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not hoping anything really bad happens to Barry. It’s always sad to see someone get really injured. I’m just talking bad enough that he has to quit playing. Of course at this point he wear so much armor that throwing a baseball at him is like trying to take out one of the knights of the round table with a spit wad blown from a straw, but I can hope can’t I? Yeah, I can hope.

My hope for the weekend: Three game sweep on the backs of great pitching AND hitting. 3 home runs for Drew, hits galore for Coco and Lugo and the best fastball of Timmy Knuckles’ career. Why Knuckles? Because he’s my boy and always has been. And also because I really want to see Barry charge the mound with Belli catching. At this point I think he’d protect his pitcher the way a kid at fat camp protects his stash of twinkies. And so if Timmy Knuckles didn’t get the job done, that big crazy Italian probably will.

Game 63: That’ll Do Pig

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 2, Colorado Rockies 1

Tim Wakefield’s scowl will be slightly softer tonight thanks to J.D. Drew. One out, bases loaded, 8th inning of a tie game and in steps Drew of the many underperforming batters (oh and we’ll get to the rest of them later) that happen to be in Boston’s lineup. Does he hit it out of the park? No. Does he get an extra base hit? Not so much. A single? A walk? An error? No, no, no… but he hit it juuuuust hard enough to score Cora from third. That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

Wake was unstoppable. 8 innings of “how the hell can that ball dance like that?” pitches and hard swingers like Holliday and Helton looked silly. Paps came in and shut the door hard. 97 mph looks like 197 mph when you were trying to swat a knuckleball all day. It was Wake that set the table for the win though. He was the Wake we knew from the beginning of season… same run support too.

The most positive thing that happened offensively today had to be the formation of the lineup. Pedroia and Youk leading off looked mighty fine tonight. Sure the bottom of the lineup Coco, Mirabelli and Lugo look like 3 guys they picked off the street, and SURE Pedroia and Youk didn’t perform as well as we know they can… but at least Francona is thinking about the problem.

So can we live with the crappy underperforming 8 and 9 spots? I say yes and I hope they stay with this for a few nights (weeks). Now go get some runs.

Game 38: Can’t Win With The Barflies

Final Score: Detroit Tigers 7, Boston Red Sox 2

Tonight was an interesting experience that walked the ever so flimsy line between delightful and disastrous. Eric, myself and a few other members of Sox Nation: NY Branch rendezvoused at Professor Thoms to see this epic battle of AL leading monsters. I like this place. It’s a great “bar” bar and better than any other Sox bars I’ve visited in this city. It’s also full of Sox jerks who read the same trash on the internet that I do. We had more than one laugh at Manny being Manny being high, J.D. Drew breaking his back, Tina Cervacio and her rumored porn tape (named either Back to the Bullpen or Double Header) and Mirabelli banging chicks and eating veal parm.

So, with wall to wall Sox fans, a pleasant atmosphere and a steady buzz (ok a strong drunk… wanna fight about it?) the environment was perfect to witness another Sox victory over the big cats from Detroit.

Well, I had the veggies, the potatoes, the knife, fork… I just didn’t get to that steak.

Poor Wakefield. He didn’t have his best stuff (5 earned over 7 innings), but he got his normal “we don’t get you runs Timmy” show. Consistency is important.

Verlander was the rolled up newspaper to the Sox naughty puppy. Got a run in the first? WHAP! Bad dog! No more runs for you! Youk with his BIG fly to dead center? WHAP! What did I say? No more runs… now back to your dugout. It’s not the first time they ran into a wall of a pitcher. Gil Meche, King Felix, the unlucky bastard the Orioles threw at us Sunday (he got sent down to AAA), and then this putz. Unstoppable colossi of pitching prowess (or incredible freaking luck) that halt the ever growing collection of Sox victories. Yeah, they suck.

Well, at least I enjoyed the bar.

My Admiration for Doug Mirabelli Continues to Grow

Doug Mirabelli's reaction today, after learning that MASN broadcaster Gary Thorne had outed him as the source of a rumor stating that Curt Schilling had painted his sock red as a publicity stunt in the 2004 World Series:

"What? Are you kidding me? He's [expletive] lying. A straight lie. I never said that. I know it was blood. Everybody knows it was blood."

Dougie then threatened to tear Thorne's ears off his head,* because he's an enormous badass who won't tolerate lies about his boy Schilling.

* - may not be true.

Game 13: Polite Conversation

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 4, Toronto Blue Jays 1
If the first seven innings or so of this game were to be reduced to a conversation between Ohka and the Red Sox offense, it might look like something like this:

Ohka: Ok guys, here's how it's going to go down tonight: I'm not a particularly good pitcher any more and you guys really should beat me like a red headed stepchild on a rented mule, so here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to hang breaking pitches like it's going out of style. What you do with them is your business...

Sox batters: Say what? You're kidding, right? You're actually messing with us completely, because there's no way you'd be that stupid.

Ohka: Oh yeah? Just try me. [Throws a hanging curve that begs to be driven out of the yard to Lugo, who swings and misses] See? I want you to crack these suckers.

Sox batters: Daaaamn. [Shakes collective head] That's got to be a fluke; no way you'd do that again.

Ohka: Oh, really? [Throws another hanging pitch. Lowell, Mirabelli, Ortiz and J.D. Drew all hit singles] See?

Sox batters: Oooooh...Do it again!

Ohka: Ok! [Pitches a soft lob, freezes time, invites Lowell, Mirabelli and Ortiz to the plate. All three hitters smash home runs]

Sox hitters: [The light brightens on the faces of all nine hitters] We get it now...Not that we'll hit anything, mind you, but cool idea. [Just then, the Blue Jays catch on to Ohka's ruse and pull him from the game. Red Sox do not score a run for the rest of the game]

Meanwhile, Tim Wakefield might have tossed three walks, but he's also given up a grand total of four runs over 20 innings. Prior to tonight's game, his ERA+ was 299, which translates to super awesome plus kick ass (as a point of reference, Pedro's best ERA+ was 285, in 2000). Wake's got about 30 more appearances left in the regular season, so I'm not naming him pitching god quite yet, but damn what a great start to the year.

Game 9: Lead By Example

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 10, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 1

Wake: Hey Doug, can I have a word with you?

Mirabelli: (grunts)

Wake: Well, I’ve noticed that nobody scores any runs when I pitch…

Mirabelli: (stares off into the distance)

Wake: …and well I was wondering if you could talk to the guys and get them to… I dunno… hit tonight?

Mirabelli: (covers catcher's mitt in pasta sauce)

Wake: They seem to listen to you cause you scare people.

Mirabelli: (begins to eat own hand)

Wake: So what do you say?

Mirabelli: DOUGIE’S GOING DEEP TONIGHT!!

Yeah, that’s about right. And it would pretty much encapsulate the game if it wasn’t for the drama that was in the top of the 8th. At this point it was only 4-1 and Donnelly was relieving Wake after Izturis reached on an error. Donnelly got Gary Mathews, but put one in O-Cabs's ear. Runners on the corners, one out, Vlad up as the tying run. I am a solid sheet of ice as Papelbon struts in for what looks to be another 5 out save. Every Sox fan in the world is on the edge of their seat. In fact, the ONLY person who didn’t look like anything was bothering them was Paps. He gets Vlad swinging on 4 pitches. 97 on the gun. 2 pitches later, Garret Anderson pops out to Manny (deep breath) and that’s it. Good guys score 6 in the bottom of the 8th and Paps gets to rest as Timlin mops up.

Suddenly all doubt about putting Paps in the pen has been erased from my mind. Sure this wasn’t a real “SAVE” but those stats can be misleading. This kid is all kinds of scary in this roll. He is the rally killer and game shortener. He’s like the Terminator only he gets Sarah Conner in the end. Wow… just wow.

Not to bring the mood down, but in a game where everyone was raking, Crisp was Coc0 for 5 and looked more lost than when King Felix was putting on his clinic. Somebody show him some Renteria highlights from 2005 so he knows what he’s in for.

Game 4: Hey, Little help?

Final Score: Texas Rangers 2, Boston Red Sox 0

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Haven’t you learned by now that you NEVER get any run support? This has been going on for years now. When you pitch, the fluttering of your knuckle ball puts everyone into a coma. Papi rests his eyes with the bat still on his shoulder, Manny rocks back and forth with his sippy-cup and Lowell curls up with a nice mug of hot sleepy-time tea. It’s like a Norman Rockwell painting in the dugout. A slice of Americana. The weary Red Sox rest… while the Rangers kick the crap out of them.

6 innings, 3 hits and 1 earned? That’s not gonna cut it Tim! You need to be perfect if we even have a chance of winning. The was no way the bats were making a dent in the “amazing” Rangers ace Robinson Tejeda (who?) and the “fantastic” bullpen they have. Color me impressed.

Oh and on a side note: I am now taking bets on when Doug Mirabelli is able to raise his .000 batting average. Let's set the over/under at May 15th.