And Sitting In The Chair Is You

Walter Cronkite, R.I.P. He was well before my time, but I've seen enough old news footage for him to be stamped in my memory.

Wisconsin is a crazy state. I'm guessing Cronkite never had to announce that someone crashed the Weinermobile into a house.

So that happened.

Even thieves think it's a good idea for you to lock your car. Something is wrong in that story, though. If his music taste was so good, why leave the CDs behind?

If you're an uggo, stay out of Chicago.

That's enough midwestern weirdness for today.

As you may have seen to the right, I got a Palm Pre. As of today, I'm loving it. As I learn more things I can do with it, I assume I'll love it more. There's no special Blogger ap yet, but I'm hoping.

On the down side of technology, my car adapter for my iPod broke. It wasn't perfect, but I was able to listen to my iPod in the car pretty much everywhere. My new adapter, on the other hand, seems to only work regularly outside of the metro area. It makes no sense. The new one is the same brand as the old one. Isn't technology supposed to improve over time? I'd think that in two years the transmission would improve, not diminish. I'm not happy with Griffin.

Have a good weekend. Hopefully the weather feels more like July, instead of October.

Your "And That's The Way It Is" leader.

Oh, Shit, There's A Bear! Could You Hand Me That Shotgun, Buddy?

Yet another reason not to go to Ohio. It's crawling with bears. Or, at least, cardboard bear cutouts.



The Affiliate brought home a treat for dinner. Steak and crab legs on the grill make for a good meal. Now, as far as I can find, cats don't eat crab in the wild. You can't tell The Hillock that, though.


To be fair, cats don't eat Skittles in the wild either.

Who do you pray to when your saint is missing? Maybe they can call up a saint from Triple A until Anthony shows up.

Any movie about killing zombies is fine by me. If it has humor, that's even better. "Zombieland" looks to have plenty of both.

Your Put Down the Dead For Good leader.

I'm Stuck Here On The Ground, As Cold And Drunk As I Can Be

Today's post title was inspired by this and the fact that it's 4 AM and pouring outside.

You might have noticed my Twitter feed in the right column. If you've been reading it (and seriously, why?), you might have seen mention of "Ice Tea Guy." Let me explain. No, there is too much; let me sum up. Um, never mind, I'll explain the whole thing.

The other day, I showed The Affiliate this picture:


She looked confused. She didn't get it. I said, "Who's the guy in the picture?" She said, "That's the Iced Tea Guy, right?"

That is, of course, The Kool-Aid Man.

She then tried to backpedal. "I mean the Hi-C Guy." Still, wrong, of course, but at least she was guessing something name-brand. She finally figured it out. Give her some credit. She just got her MBA, and is allowed to not know things as useless as this.

I finally got to the point as to why this picture is, indeed, win. Kool-Aid Man is well known for breaking through walls and yelling, "OH, YEAH!". Someone found an actual broken wall and had the presence of mind to put up this picture and photograph it. Whomever you are, I salute you!

Anyway, I've decided that Iced Tea Guy would not break through walls. Instead, he would come calmly through the door, and yell his catchphrase, "INDEED!" And that's Iced Tea Guy.

So that's some time you won't get back. Time lost. And every second lost brings us all closer to the coming zombie apocalypse. (You just got segued!)

The Chicago Tribune seems to be taking it lightly. (Link via a Norwegian) If you want serious coverage, stick with me. Or with these guys. Unfortunately, the Zombie Attack Preparedness Team shares it's initials with Zombies Are People Too (No link, because they're not). The good Z.A.P.T. (that's the zombie fighting one) was featured on an interesting G4 TV show and looked like they really had the goods. And guns.

Oh, I almost forgot. Iced Tea Guy has a sidekick named Lemonade Dude.

A legitimate update to a story that baffled and amused me while back. They caught the gorilla head bandits! Once again, idiots were brought down by the massive secret police operation that is YouTube.

Did I say massive secret police organization? I meant colossal clandestine constabulary cabal. (I didn't originally mean for that to be alliterative; it just happened.) (Also, that four word phrase has never appeared on the internet before today.)

Your Early Morning Rain leader.

When I Want Somethin' And I Don't Wanna Pay For It

Story of the week.

Appleton police said residents should be on the lookout for a gorilla head.

OK, that's a great start.

Police said someone took the head off a 6-foot mechanical gorilla mannequin in the parking lot of Balloon Magic. It disappeared between 10 a.m. Thursday and 9 a.m. Friday.

Where can I get my own mechanical gorilla mannequin? Unfortunately, a google search for "mechanical gorilla mannequin" leads mostly to this story, along with an episode list for "Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction" that includes an episode in which a mechanical gorilla goes on a rampage. Which may be why the head was stolen from this gorilla.

Oh, but the best part of the story:

The gorilla advertises the fact the business offers gorilla-grams — a gorilla delivering a message along with balloons.

This is the best service offered by any business ever. However, I'm guessing it's a person in a gorilla costume, not an actual gorilla, that delivers the message. Gorillas would demand a union, making them cost-prohibitive.

Anyway, the cops should be checking fraternities at Lawrence University for the goods. This sounds like a good pledge prank.

In personal news, my big toe feels like it's broken. I think I might have gout. More on this developing story as it develops.

Your Ow, Ow, OW! leader.

Howl at the Moon

OK. So I'm ready to accept that all werewolves reside in Wisconsin. Here's another one.

A former inmate told police that he was a werewolf and could change shapes after he was arrested for breaking into a woman's apartment.

This sounds like your basic case of supernatural-status discrimination to me. Although I think there was a full moon this weekend. His transmogrification should have settled the matter right there. Unless the lunar eclipse somehow interfered. Or the jail bars are made of silver (which they should be, what with the number of werewolves in Wisconsin).

I think the lycanthropic community should be outraged by this arrest. The marijuana was obviously medicinal. I assume it helps keep him from changing. This is an outrage, and all good thinking people should be crying for this man/beast's release.

Either that, or we should all just stay the fuck out of Wisconsin.

The Affiliate would like me to inform everyone that she was accepted into Hamline University in the MBA program. Or something like that. The less I know, the better I say. She's getting a Master's degree. Let's keep it at that. Way to go, me gal!

Finally; Moose 1, Helicoptor 0.

PETA is probably sipping a non-fat soy decaf latte for that Alces alces. That, by the way, would trample any one of them without a second thought.

Your Lycanthropy News leader.

Werewolves of Wisconsin

I saw a werewolf with a Leinenkugel's in his hand
Walking through the streets of Milwaukee in the rain
The best part is, the guy is pissed people are calling the creature "bigfoot," because it had canine features, and we all know that Bigfoot is more primate looking. Ahhh-ooooo!

It's no wonder people think the American court system is messed up. This guy had sex with a deer carcass. Now his lawer is arguing that he can't be charged with bestiality because an animal is defined as a living thing. Which is absolutely true. The charges against Mr. Hathaway should be dropped. Then the statute should be rewritten so I don't have to worry about people having sex with roast turkey with impunity. It's sad, you know. I'd never worried about that before.

Notice that both of the above stories involve Wisconsin and deer carcasses. I have nothing to add, just take notice.

Your Don't Wanna Think About It leader.