Clay Buchholz: Terrible Pitcher

You have a ten run lead. You've cruised through six innings in front of your team's home town fans. Your offense is looking spectacular and everyone is feeling the good vibes despite the park being a brisk thirty seven degrees below zero (might be a slight exaggeration). You walk out to the mound for the seventh inning with a low pitch count. Realistically, you know you should be able to get the next three outs with minimal problems and then you can hand the game over to the bullpen.

But you're Clay Buchholz, so what you actually do is implode and try to give up that ten run lead.

It's amazing how Clay lost it so quickly. He was cruising... and then he was giving up five runs without being able to record that last out. Terrible. Clay is legitimately the only pitcher in the Sox starting rotation that has yet to record a quality start on the year. Yes, it's that bad. This isn't a case of bad luck, it's a case of sucking. In 29 innings, he's allowed 40 hits and 28 runs with 15 walks and 16 strikeouts. Ok, maybe it IS a bad start, but he's got options left and I can point him to the Pawtucket shuttle if need be.

Call me unfair. Go ahead, do it. I've never really liked Clay. He frustrates me, because he'll show a tiny glimmer of being good, and then he'll have a five-run inning where he just cannot get the last out. I never thought I'd say this for the season, but thank God for the bullpen. They made it scary, but they got the job done.

If it weren't for Papi and the rest of the offense, this could have been an ugly night. Two home runs for the Large Father. His offensive contributions for the night were a home run, a walk, another home run, and then a ground out in his last at-bat. I'll go ahead and also give credit to Calviles, Munchkin, Ronald, and Marlon Byrd, all who had multiple hit games last night. Actually, it's a little odd because the players who didn't have a multiple hit night didn't hit at all. Weird, I know.

An additional "boo, you suck" to Nick Punto for missing that popup. I guess anyone could have caught it, but no one did, and Punto got the error. It didn't end up causing any additional harm, but really Nick? Terrible. You're terrible.

Anyway, didn't get the pictures up this weekend. I won't be getting them up tonight either as I will be back at the ballpark for the second game in two nights. Maybe tomorrow... more likely, never. But it's the thought that counts, and I've thought about posting them a bunch of times.

Sox Demoralize Rays: More Success on Jackie Robinson Day

I want to start out by saying that I love, love, love the idea of all the players wearing #42 for Jackie Robinson Day. It's a wonderful tribute to a man who played an integral role in the history of baseball. I don't like, however, when I am on redsox.com trying to look up Jeff Bailey's uniform number so I can post my opening day pictures and all the numbers have been changed to #42. A minor issue, I guess. Just wanted to get my bitching out of the way.

For his second game of the season, Doubront again went five innings. He allowed nine hits and four runs with one walk and seven strikeouts. While the kid was pretty good, we really are going to need to get more than five innings out of him if he's going to be a worthwhile starter. That being said, he's young and I'm willing to give him the chance to adjust to the big leagues. I think he's going to be just fine.

For the second consecutive game, Ross and Calviles hit home runs. Ross went out of the park again. I'm sorry I doubted you, guys. Keep it up and I will gladly eat crow for the rest of the season.

The real beast though, is Papi. Is he on a tear or what? Granted, he was hitting the first six games of the season, but he's been destroying this weekend. 3-4 yesterday with an RBI, 4-5 Saturday with five RBI's, and 2-4 with 2 RBIs on Friday's game. With a .444 batting average, Papi is downright scary right now. I love it. I guess that's what happens when you  show up to camp looking as trim and fit as Papi did... and don't kid yourself, the dude looked good this year. The results at the plate are validating his extra work this offseason. It's pretty awesome.

Atch got a little roughed up, but he was saved by Padilla. Morales, though allowing two hits, had a good inning, and Sauce closed the door perfectly in the ninth. That ERA that used to be infinity is now down to 9.00. A few more innings like that, and he'll bring that baby down in no time.

Three wins in a row. The last time the Sox had three regular season wins in a row was July of last year. Seems like such a long time ago, doesn't it?

This morning's game brings Sharky to face Daniel Bard. I'm going to be interested to see how Bard fares against this Tampa lineup that is probably feeling mighty angry at losing three in a row to the Sox. As for Sharky, he's a mixed bag. I've seen the Sox beat the stuffing out of him, and I've seen him blow the Sox away. What we've got on our side is the fact that this is a big game for Sharky, trying to stop a four-game sweep.... and we all know the nickname Big Game James is normally more of a joke than a reality. This will be interesting.

Clay Pulls Out A Win: Sox Bats Stay Alive

Watching GameDay in the fifth inning. One on, David Ortiz up to bat, down two runs. I sat watching, quietly asking David for his first home run of the season. If we could just tie this up, it would be a whole new ballgame and we'd have a chance. Dahmer seems to have settled down. After four runs in the first and a run in the third, he's kept the Tampa bats quiet. We just need to tie it. There's no one I want at the plate more than David Ortiz in these situations.

The little blue pitch locator showed up, "In play, run(s) score." There's a couple of tense seconds as GameDay is updating. I figure a double would have gotten Youk home. It's got to be a home run or a double. But there it is. "David Ortiz homers (1) on a fly ball to right center field. Kevin Youkilis scores." Beautiful.

When the team starts responding to my requests, I know they've clicked. I don't know how long this particular click is going to last, but they've clicked. The great thing is that after that home run, it was just two innings before the bats completely woke up to put the smackdown on Tampa Bay. The Sox had scored 22 runs in their first six games, and they had scored 25 in their next two. Admit it, you weren't expecting that at all.

The greatest part was that almost all the runs came off the mighty home run ball. As opposed to Opening Day, where 12 runs were scored without a single home run, this game was the opposite. Our batters, at least during this series (hey, don't want to get too far ahead of myself) have found both the timing and the power they need. Home run hitters for the day included Salty, Munchkin, Papi, Calviles, and Ross. I believe at least two of those home runs went straight out of the park and into the parking lot on Landsdowne. Pretty cool if you ask me. I love to see that kind of power out of players that I don't expect it from.

Make no mistake, the Sox weren't scoring runs off the slouches in Tampa's rotation. David Price and Jeremy Hellickson are good pitchers. Unfortunately for them, and quite fortunately for us, the Sox had some pent up road aggression to take out, and they were the victims of said wrath.

It's a beautiful thing, winning two in a row. Hasn't happened in a good long while.

Opening Day: Loss Number One

I know I've seen a few people say this already, but I think that every team should be allowed to win their home opener. It was a tough loss, especially since the last time we saw real baseball, it was a similar type loss. Painful. Tough to listen to. I think I developed baseball PTSD after that base hit.

But, I promised I wouldn't write a negative post, and I won't.

I think Lester was awesome. He was cruising through those early innings, and it was only through the sixth and seventh that he was really laboring. Even laboring, he only gave up one run. Was he as sharp as he could have been? No, but he was great. THAT'S what I like to see, Johnny. Great work.

Munchkin continues to be a sparkplug and inspiration for the team. His ninth inning well-fought-for hit was terrific. Papi and Sweeney did their part, and we tied the game after I already assumed it was lost. But there's no shame in losing to Verlander even if we had lost. While Munchkin's first few at-bats were less than awe inspiring, he redeemed himself.

Alfredo Aceves will be fine at closer, I think. It was a tough situation he was brought into, and I truly believe that had it been Paps on the mound, he would have lost the game, too. Let's not give Alfredo a hard time. We need him to feel good in the closer's spot, so he's got my vote of confidence.

But Pretzels? You suck, Pretzels. Runner up-MVP or not, you took 11 pitches in four at-bats, you impatient piece of sourdough. You're my goat of the game, because I don't like you.

Everyone else? You're fine. I blame Pretzels. But, the game is in the past, and now I look forward to Beckett's regular season debut against the awkwardly named Doug Fister. Tomorrow. On TV. Look at that, I'm still excited. Game one is behind us. On to game two!

Get Ready: Twenty-Six Hours Till Opening Day

I'm excited. Of course I am! What actual baseball fan isn't? I'm excited, but I'm not sold. I guess I just have to prepare for letdown, but God help that team if they lose the first twelve games of the season. More like God help my blood pressure...

Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Kelly Shoppach (from here on out, Shoppy) at catcher? Neither one is Varitek, so I am automatically unenthused. I guess 'Not Being Tek' is unfair criticism. Neither one of them had a say in the matter. I like to believe if they did, they would have chosen to be Tek. It will, however, be interesting to see what Salty will bring to the table after working under the tutelage of my favorite player. If I'm being honest (which, when it comes to Tek, I don't necessarily feel like I need to be), if either one of them can throw out base runners consistently and hit .240, I'll survive.

Ernie does not concern me at all. Nor does Munchkin. They'll be wonderful!

Mike Aviles at short? I don't know. Does having large calves make one a better shortstop? Can I call him Calviles? I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

Youk at third? Let's see if he can stay healthy. He's been pretty fragile lately.

Outfield. Besides Pretzels, do we HAVE outfielders? I think once Crawford returns from the wrist injury, he'll be worlds better than he was last year. Till then? Not at all sure what to expect from left and right, but if Pretzels is in center, I guess that'll be fine.

Papi? He's Papi. Come on now.

Pitching staff? Excuse my while I do my ostrich impression and bury my head in the ground. I'm not even sure I WANT to look. Bum thumbs and DUIs do not a great pitching staff make. There's no way it's going to be as bad as it was last year. John Lackey is on the DL, so it absolutely cannot be that bad.

I like baseball, so I'm going to enjoy the season... I just might not be pleasant about my enjoyment, so don't be surprised if you see a lot of overreactions like the one about Beckett's thumb. I'm not really THAT insane. It's just a little venting, is all.

Tomorrow, one o'clock. Opening Day. Palpable excitement!

Double H: Pitches Double Innings

Two. He pitched two innings, and did a pretty dandy job at that. I don't want to necessarily say he was good or sharp, but this early in spring, I'm not worried. He walked, I believe, two batters and hit a guy but allowed no hits and collected two strikeouts. You have to take away every positive you can from the spring. I am keeping very much in mind that Dahmer was hurt for a majority of last season, so he's going to be working hard to get back into game shape this spring. Not that I intend to imply that he's out of shape... it's just been a while since he's faced major league hitters. He's a work in progress.

You know what was great? Watching Papi hit a home run. With the absence of Tek and Wakefield, at least the old familar sight of Papi rounding the bases will comfort me. He just has to do that in every game for the rest of his career. Is that too much to ask?

A majority of our runs came from sloppy Twins play. Again, it's spring. They're allowed to get their sloppies out in the spring and not a single one of us can complain. Why would I complain anyway? It benefitted my team.

Padilla did a pretty good job, and I was a little excited to see an eephus. I don't know the last time I saw anyone throw one intentionally. Daniel Butler, who I believe won 'Dancing With The New Stars' hit a three-run home run. Nate Spears and Will Middlebrooks  drove in runs. These five runs came in the 7th to round out the ten runs, and... well, I'll take it.

Final score was 10-2 Sox, giving us a four-game winning streak (YES I AM TAKING JOY IN THIS!) for the first time since August 6th-9th, and a 2-0 lead in the Mayor's Cup. What a lovely way to start the spring. How very nice to know that our boys showed up ready. Goodness, I love baseball!

No Drinking In The Clubhouse: Bobby Bans Beer

And Tito thinks it's just a public relations stunt. I'm sort of inclined to agree with him, but at the same time, I believe it's a PR stunt that needed to be done.  I don't know what really will go on in that clubhouse this season, but if they didn't come out and say that they were enforcing stricter rules for the players, that's just more for the media to bitch about.

Now do I actually think that grown men need to be told that they can't have a beer once in a while? Not really. They should know when they should and shouldn't be cracking open a cold one. I've made my thoughts on drinking during games clear. I don't think the players should be drinking during games, even when they aren't playing. If you're getting paid millions of dollars to play a game, the least you could do is try to take it as seriously as the people who pay to watch you play. Not all of the people who pay to watch you play, of course. I'd say the average serious fan, not the die hard fanatics who live and die with every pitch. Actually, I'd like to know that the players are taking their jobs at least as seriously as I take mine. It's not that much to expect from a bunch of adults.

There's something about Valentine that I like. I have to reserve judgement because we haven't, you know, seen any games yet. I liked Tito's style, and even though Bobby's is apparently much, much different, I think it might work. I want to believe that the changes will make a difference. According to almost every member of the media around this time last year, the Sox were a 100 win team. Yes, there have been changes and I think some of those changes have made the team a slight bit weaker, but I don't think they're an 80 win team. We need focus from the players, and we need luck. You gotta have a little luck on your side, you know.

Anyway, I like hearing that Ortiz is backing up his new manager. Even if he truly does not believe in what Bobby V. is saying, as long as he comes out and keeps up the united front, I'm happy. Now let's see the rest of the team buy-in and we'll be ready to roll. There's a bunch of talent on the Sox... if we have to treat them like children to make them live up to their potential, so be it.

Ortiz: Officially Contractually Obligated

The problem with updating my blog before I read any other baseball sites is that I tend to be late to the party on certain topics. For example, my last post said that I couldn't wait to see how Papi's arbitration hearing would go. Well, I then proceeded to surf the internet and found that there will not be a hearing.

The big man has agreed to a one-year, $14.575M contract. It's not two years like I hoped for, and it's not $16M like Papi hoped for, but it's enough to get Papi back in that familiar jersey for the upcoming season.

The Red Sox don't like arbitration. Theo had never gone through arbitration (to my knowledge) with any players during his tenure here. Looks like Keebs is determined to follow a similar pattern. I'm ok with that. At least David is still on the team. I don't know what I would do without him.

Top Free Agents Keep Signing: Marlins And Angels Spending Like Drunken Sailors

Let me start by saying I have zero problem with these teams ponying up big money for free agents that they covet. I would be the Queen of Hypocracy if I said it wasn't ok. And I am equally fine with the fact that the Sox are not big-spending this year.

The Marlins made the first few big moves, and it looked like they were serious about Pujols. But then they stopped, and the Angels took over. Not only did they giftwrap CJ Wilson for themselves, but they tossed ten years, $250M+ at Albert and have wooed him away from the World Series Champion Cardinals. Money always talks, doesn't it?

I didn't care where either of them ended up. Would I like to have Pujols on my team? Yeah, probably... but logistically, we have nowhere to put him, and giving anyone more than a four or five year contract gives me hives. Anyone who honestly says they don't want Albert on their team is either in denial or does not watch baseball. Or maybe they don't like his face. There are certain players whose faces I do not like. CJ Wilson... yeah, I probably should have wanted him on my team, but I didn't. I would have rather had Buehrle.... Buerhle.... Bue... that guy from the White Sox. I would have rather had him. Wilson is talented, but I'm just not sold on him. It doesn't matter, really. I'm not a GM and I never should be.

Really, the only thing that I actually care about right in this very moment is the fact that Papi accepted arbitration and will be coming back. They needed to bring him back. I truly believe the goodwill of a patient, yet frustrated, fanbase was completely riding on Papi being brought back. At least the front office recognized that. I don't care how much money they have to pay him through arbitration. If they have no problem throwing money at Lackey for being useless, they can throw equal amounts of money at Papi for having a purpose. I'm looking forward to seeing how Keebler fixes the rest of the team. He's taking his time. I hope the slow rebuilding process is worth it, because it's driving me crazy. Typical neurotic Boston fan. What can I say? I just love that dirty water so, so much...

Arbitration Man: Papi To Accept Keebler's Offer

I think that had our GM included several cases of Chips Deluxe, or even E.L.Fudge cookies this would have been a done deal already. As it stands, the word is not official that Papi will be accepting arbitration, but it's likely. He still has until 11:59 PM to make up his mind one way or another. Hopefully, he'll say, 'Sure Keebs. Give me that one year and I'm gonna tear the cover off the ball and make you regret not giving me a long-term contract.' I mean, he'd probably say that in a cooler way, and with more of a Dominican accent, but you get the idea.

If our Papi does indeed accept arbitration, I will let out a huge sigh of relief. I need this. I think David needs this, too. It seems that most of the teams that have expressed interest in him have dropped out. The Jays don't want him. The Mariners don't want him. There are no other offers on the table, apparently. I'd say that I'm shocked, but I guess I can understand the logic to not wanting to sign a DH to a long-term contract worth around $10M per year. Papi wants a pay day, and he wants to guarantee a few other paydays after that. It's his right to look for a multi-year deal, but with such little interest, accepting arbitration is wise.

No one is ever going to love you the way we love you, Papi. Such a large chunk of this fanbase stood beside you, faith unwavering, through your toughest trials. So many of us never stopped feeling like you were one swing of the bat away from winning every game we were behind. You have our love, but sometimes all that love can guarantee you is arbitration. It may not be a fair trade. Oh no, it's not. But we want you to stay. Because we love you. Because you are an institution here. Because, damnit, you're Big Papi and I wouldn't trust any other pair of broad shoulders to carry this team when they need it most.

And maybe, if you keep doing what you do, we'll have the pleasure of watching you retire with "Red Sox" on your chest.

Welcome To The Smear Parade: Starting Right On Schedule

Hi, friends. It's me. Jup. I know I've been mostly absent during Red Sox Nation's time of need, but please know that I have never actually left you. I've just been speechless.

Now, this doesn't happen to me very often. I'm quite the opinionated young lady. I can be pretty witty when I want to be. Yet, in the wake of all that happened in September, I've found myself with nothing to say, no desire to analyze, and no clue what will become of my beloved team. It's been a time of introspection and mourning. I've mourned the playoff aspirations of my team as I stare blankly at the unused ALDS home game 1 tickets. I mourn the loss of Tito... simply the greatest Red Sox manager of my lifetime, and likely of all time. I mourn the 2011 Red Sox, as they will surely be a new beast with the dawning of spring training 2012. I mourn a lost season.

Ok, now that I'm done being dramatic, may I say this is all absolutely ridiculous. I will not believe one single slanderous front-office-based word that comes out about Tito, and I know any of my fellow Red Sox friends with brains will also know better. If I'm being completely honest, I could care less that Theo is gone. I can name more horrible moves he's made (Renteria, Lugo, Drew, Dice-K, Lackey, Gagne, Cameron, Jenks... just to name a few)than wonderful moves (trading for Ernie... signing Alex Gonzales twice.... um....) so I'm not sad to see him go. I only wish he could have taken some of his major-flop contracts with him.

If I want to go on to be more honest, I think it's time for Varitek to move on. Jason will forever be my favorite player and I didn't think it possible that I would see the day where I didn't want him on my team any more.... but I think it might be time to part ways with him. I don't feel honest calling him the captain any more. The 'C' should probably be put in storage until we see a leader emerge, or we can just give it to Munchkin.

I don't like hearing Papi talk of bolting to the Yankees. You may be mad at the front office, but please don't try to punish the fans for what they've done to you. By saying that, all you're doing is hurting us.... the ones that have stood by you during your entire tenure here. I respectfully ask you to stop this nonsense, Papi.

I have not come to a decision on what needs to be done about Wakefield. My heart says keep him, but my brain asks if his head is actually in the game or on his stats. I had never heard Timmy talk of individual accomplishments before, and it worries me. Though, I agree... we do deserve to watch him chase that record. But is that in the best interest of the other 24 guys?

I may not like knowing that Beckett, Lester, and Lackey were drinking, eating chicken, and playing video games in the clubhouse during gamedays, but finding out about this only now makes the Boston media look like a bunch of assholes. They have no problems reporting on other crap, like pending divorces or child support papers being served, crap that has no business in the sports section, but they don't tell us what's going on in the clubhouse. Disingenuous.

I'm anxious and nervous to see what other changes will be made. I am willing to garner no guesses over the fate of Papelbon. I don't like that our pitchers haven't made any public statements about the accusations. I don't like the front office for the way any of this is being handled.... but I love my team, and I will stick by them. And I'm here for you guys if you need a shoulder to cry on. Because I feel your pain.

Summary: Anger

My parents always taught me if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all. Assuming that same principle applies to blogging, you have your explanation for where I've been.

I'm stressed, panicked, annoyed, and every other adjective with negative connotations you could imagine right now. But I'm trying to be nice about it. Aside from my random outbursts of swearing and idle threats of self-harm (let's face it, I'm way too selfish to ever hurt myself over a baseball team), I have been fairly composed about this embarassment of a month.

But last night.... oh man, last night was my breaking point. I can't be nice. Joshua? Of all people, Joshua has to put on that PITIFUL excuse for a pitching performance? Do the Red Sox not know that we're facing the Orioles? Because the Orioles suck and the Red Sox should know that! What the bloody hell is going on here?! It's September of 2011, boys. Not April 2011. Not September 2006, Josh! There is supposed to be hellfire and brimstone and badassery, but there is none! Instead we have crybabies, and implosions, and pathetic excuses. In the words of the late Owen Hart, enough is enough and it's time for a change! Baseball isn't working for our baseball team, so how about some pro wrestling? I want to see Stone Cold Stunners from Scutaro to anyone who dares run by him. I want piledrivers at home plate to be delivered by Varitek BEFORE the opponents swing the bat. Someone hand Ernie a steel chair and let him swing away at anyone heading up the line. Clotheslines from Munchkin at second base to anyone trying to steal. Intentional HBP's from Beckett, who, damnit! He should be allowed to do a pre-game promo that would be shown up on the Jumbotron. It's a jumbotron now. I demand it. And if the bullpen guys aren't legdropping the opposite team's outfielders at the start of every inning, they aren't doing their job! On top of all that, I want Munchkin to bring a microphone with him for every at bat. The homeplate ump should be Mean Gene Okerlund or Jerry the King Lawler, and they should ask him before EVERY AT BAT what we should expect him to do. And if he doesn't answer something along the lines of "I'll be stylin' and profilin' all around the bases tonight, Mean Gene. Wooo!" then he should be fined.

If they aren't going to play the game the right way, they should at least make it fun for me. Tag-team at-bats! When Ortiz gets tired of fouling off pitches, he can tag in Millar to do it for him! It's not like Kevin doesn't hang out at games anyway, and it would be a great plotline. Besides, we KNOW Kevin can foul off pitches like nobody's business. Then, when Papi is ready, he can tag back in. If we aren't going to get winning, then I want entertainment. Get on it, Tito. Immediately!

Oh, and Go Sox.

Red Sox Enemy #1: Daniel Bard

Dramatic and extreme? You bet. But right now, I sort of hate Daniel Bard's face, considering that he's been single handedly responsible for three Red Sox losses in the month of September. Some advice for Daniel: You throw 100 f***ing miles per hour. Stop throwing balls in the dirt, asshat! Alternately: The strike zone. Figure it out. Watching one of our best relievers come in and throw 9 balls in his first ten pitches is unbelievably aggrivating. Why? Why does this happen? Why didn't Tek stop it?

Mudpie actually pitched ok! I mean, I didn't enjoy watching him pitch, but he did well enough to leave with a lead! Also, I've got to put the blame on Francona, too. Bard's been shit this month. We're in a pennant race. When you see that he's got NOTHING, maybe it's time for a quick hook, huh? I understand that you've got to let your pitchers pitch and sometimes they have to work themselves out of their own troubles, but he literally could not pitch or field. Daniel did not show up ready to play, and if he's not focused, then I don't want him on my field while we're trying to hold the wild card.

Dwelling isn't going to do me any good. Posting while I'm still filled with irrational hate doesn't do you guys any good. Papi's out with spasms, Ernie left with a cramp (seriously, guys, time to play through a little bit of pain!), and we didn't have a baserunner for the last three innings of the game. Youkilis has been less than useless since his return, though I give him credit for playing through pain. No one on the team had more than one hit, with the majority of them going hitless. The fielding in this one was terrible on both ends, though Tek did make an amazing play at the plate. Not like it mattered, we still lost. How do you go from plating 18 runs the night before to the offensive 'performance' they put on yesterday afternoon? I don't get it. Someone tell the boys that it's July again and maybe they'll play better.

Pedroia Is The Show: Everyone Else Is A Background Character

You know I would never take away from the importance of Beckett, but if it weren't for MC Laser Show, we would have been lost. No... wait, we would have lost, not would have been lost. He drove in three of the four runs we gathered on the night, with Tek driving in the other one. Strangely, both of them made outs at second base after RBI singles, so that was dumb. I don't like having so many baserunners thrown out trying to stretch singles into doubles. Especially Tek. Tek, darling, you can't run. It's not worth trying!

Beckett actually did get on my nerves yesterday. His first inning was a tad sketchy. His second inning was beautiful and ended with an easy-to-manage pitch count. But the third? Meh. All he had to do was hold the lead they gave him, and that's the one thing he failed to do. Overall, he could have been far worse. Three runs in seven innings with four strikeouts and no walks against one of the worse teams in baseball is nothing to sing songs about, but it'll do. 110 pitches in seven innings also isn't the best we've gotten out of him. Again, I'll limit my nugacious complaints because we won the game. Had we lost, heads would be on chopping blocks.

So, news is that Youkilis is now on the DL with a severe case of suck (which they kindly referred to as 'back trouble,' but we all know) and David Ortiz is down with a case of 'needing a vacation' which they covered up by calling it bursitis and putting him in a boot, so the Sox decided that we needed an offensive boost. Granted, they're about three weeks late to that party, but they called up Ryan Lavarnway to pump up our boys. He may not have gotten a hit last night, but I think he put the fear of God into Tek. Our old man catcher was hustling, for sure. Guess he wants to keep his job. Not gonna lie, I want him to keep it, too. It's got to be hard seeing the ghost of Christmas future hanging out in the dugout.

The Sox ended up with nine hits for the night, matching their hit total from the past three games. Thanks for waking up a little, bats. You're going to need to be fully caffeinated with Andrew Miller on the mound tonight, and I demand that by the time Wakey takes the mound on Saturday that you've gotten your shit together. Really, I don't ask for too much, do I?

Lester Loses: Sox Fall Out Of First

Stupid, right? Bartolo Colon, who by my account shouldn't actually be able to throw 96 mph anymore, got the better of Jon Lester? Did that really happen? Why did that happen? I don't approve.

I know Jon wasn't the best he's ever been. His one bad inning was pretty bad (for him), and it was just enough to do the team in. It started so promising, too. Jonny struck out three of the first four batters he faced. He would only collect four more strikeouts on the night, while allowing four walks. That's unlike him. If I recall correctly, there were a number of pitches he wasn't happy with, but he usually can make adjustments. It wasn't his best day, but I'll give him a pass because he's Jon Lester and I love him. Lately, he's been suffering the lack of run support just as badly as Josh has. Seems like the only guys that are getting run support are Miller and Lackey. Life isn't fair sometimes.

Ortiz had a solo shot in this one. The other run the boys posted was a collection of effort from Reddick, Scutaro and Pretzels. I know Reddick was forced out by Scutaro, who ended up scoring on Pretzels' double, but I would be remiss if I didn't give credit to our rookie. With the way Reddick is playing right now, does anyone miss JD Drew? Because I don't.

I guess if you want to take some positives away from this, Albers continues to be solid out of the 'pen... and it's not exactly like Jonny got lit up. The best part, though, is that I can recount the game without annoyance because I have the benefit of knowing what happened in the next two games. There's no need for me to get worked up about falling out of first place at all. I know, it's a charmed life. Next up, the shocking results of the Lackey/Sabathia matchup.... or, I guess by now it's not as shocking any more.

Fetus Bests Bedard: But I Still Love Fetus

No, of course I didn't want Bedard to lose his Red Sox debut. While I did actually want Fetus to do well, I was hoping that the boys would pick up with the offense after he came out of the game. Little did I know that the offense wouldn't be the problem. Franklin Morales, on the other hand....

Franklin and I, we've had some disagreements in the past regarding how he should handle himself on the mound. He seems to think he should be allowed to surrender runs whenever he sees fit, and I think he should not. Ever. But we're different people and aren't always going to see eye-to-eye on stuff like this. For his, what? Ten minutes of effort? Mr. Morales was handed a well-deserved loss, negating what had been a delightful debut for Erik Bedard. Sorry about that, Erik. It's not always going to be bullpen implosions around here. I mean, sure, there will be times when your lead gets stripped away from you and you walk away with the Beckett special (the dreaded ND), but for the most part, your new bullpen will be good to you.

I'd get on Andrew Miller's case for pouring more fuel on the fire, but honestly, what's the point. On the offensive side of things, the boys weren't doing much with Fetus or his fellow pitchers. Aside from a 4th inning Reddick home run, the only other Boston RBI's were accumulated by Ernie and Papi in the first. They just didn't have anything going. I think the boys get overwhelmed looking toward the mound and seeing Fetus' happy little face. It's just not right. He's one of us! And where did that trade get us? Victor ditched us the minute he could, and Fetus is still piling up wins for Cleveland. Sure, I'd probably make the trade all over again. I'm just sad that he's not one of us anymore and I have a hard time letting go of stuff like that.

As usual, I'm behind on the blogging. I've got the whole Yankees series to review. Luckily for me, there's plenty of good to write about. Who doesn't like writing about beating the Yankees on a Monday afternoon? We just have to muddle through that one little loss first... but don't worry, we'll do it together.

Midget King Strikes Again: Also, Papi Slams Royals

Some days, it's really difficult to come up with a stupid title for my posts. Some days, I can stare at the blank little line for literally twenty minutes thinking "There is nothing worth turning into a title. Why is there nothing worth turning into a title?!" And then I get frustrated and write something stupid that leaves me shaking my head. Not today. Today we've got a plethora of highlights to go over. Hint: Two of them are mentioned in my title today. Alright, kids, take out your notebooks and get ready to take notes.

First off, let's start with the Lackey Pledge, a campaign of sorts bravely started in an effort to give Mudpie the warm fuzzies whenever he takes the Fenway mound. Lauren's got the right idea, and I encourage all of you to make your own version of the Lackey pledge and stick with it. Here's mine:

I, Jup, do solemnly pledge to only curse the name of John Lackey on occasions which he truly deserves the ridicule. These occasions, moments in which he has surpassed the 'Lackey Limit,' are still subject to cursing, threat-making, object-throwing, defenestration, and general unpleasantness. All other occasions are subject to quiet murmuring about how one John Lackey shouldn't be allowed to pitch with that face.

Pledge done. Even crappy pitchers deserve to not be pelted with tomatoes once in a while I guess.

Onto baseball! So Mudpie still sort of sucked, but I don't care because our offense showed up again, so we don't even have to discuss the pitching today! YAY! (Actually, boo, because I like pitching, but you know) To start... MC Laser Show at it again, extending that hitting streak to 24 games and spreading general badassery towards all aspects of his game. Another three hits, to go along with his four from last night. If I were an opposing pitcher, I'd be terrified of Pedroia right now. If only he had gotten that home run last night. Sigh.

In the 'ok fine, I'll give you credit' category, Pretzels also had a fine night at the plate, going 3-for-4 with a 1st inning lead-off home run, a walk to bring in a run, and a double. Pretzels, in case you did not know, is batting .325. And he's got 17 home runs. Aren't those two signs of the Apocalypse? I think they are. Keep an eye out for horsemen.

And then there's Papi. Our lovable big man only had one hit last night, but that hit was grand. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, a fourth inning grand slam. It was crushed, and if you didn't know it was out right off the bat, then you weren't paying attention. This, of course, is the best way to record your 1,000 RBI as a member of the Sox. 1,000 RBIs for Papi. The number's mindblowing if you think about it, and he joins a pretty elite club of Yaz, Teddy Ballgame, Jim Ed Rice, Dewey, and Bobby Doerr. I don't have a fun nickname for Bobby Doerr. Sorry. Think about how many of those RBIs were in critical moments... how many of them gave us leads, how many of them tied the game in late innings when we needed him the most. Just think of how many of them are against the Yankees. I love Ortiz, and all he has done for the Sox during his nine year career. Congratulations on 1,000 well-loved and very-appreciated RBIs, Papi.

More offensive 'props' (as the kids would say) to Ernie, whose three hits for the night brought his average up to .351. That's a pretty number, but it's about 49 points lower than I would like it to be. You've got two months, big guy. Get going on that, ok? Also, Youkilis stole a base. You literally do not see that every day. He now has 2 SB's for the season. Ronald and Yamaico each had a pair of hits. Production from the bottom of the order is important when your top three hitters are as hot as Pretzels, Munchkin, and Ernie. Offense is fun when it's coming from our guys.

This afternoon, in yet another attempt by the universe to keep me from witnessing the sheer glory of watching Beckett pitch, Josh will be taking on the guy that Lester threw the no-hitter against. Yup, Beckett vs. Hochevar. If I have time, I might live-blog... but I don't want to make any promises.

Speaking of promises, I completely forgot to put up those Celebrity Putt-Putt pictures. Will someone please remind me to post those when I get home?

Lucky Man: Offense Shows Up For Miller

Andrew Miller, I hope you treated the entire starting lineup to a steak dinner last night. Wow. That was some bad pitching, Andrew. Truly bad. The location was way off of where Tek was setting up, and you weren't fooling anyone. The Kansas City Royals, though a fine young team, are 17 games under .500, and you couldn't make it out of the fourth inning without giving up nine hits and seven runs. And yet.... yet, you didn't lose. That is luck.

Or maybe it's not luck. Maybe it's talent. Not Miller's talent. No, everyone else's talent. Miller has the benefit of being on a very good offensive team. As a matter of fact, our boys were the top offensive team in the AL during the first half of the season. They made a game out of this shitshow, and they brought home a win for Aceves... you know, the guy who pitched 1/3rd of an inning less than Miller and managed to give up seven fewer runs? Yeah, that guy. He has been priceless to the Sox. There's no debate there.

Another guy who's been priceless basically for his entire career? Yep. The Muddy Chicken Laser Show Munchkin. Whatever you want to call him, he's irreplacable. Right now, our mighty midget is up to a 23 game hit streak and is impervious to superstition. Didn't he look like a twelve year old last night with no facial hair? I think it's precious. Regardless of what age MC Laser Show appears, he actually is a grown-up who can hit Major League pitching like nobody's business. Little guy was a home run short of the cycle last night, and his deep fly in his last at-bat looked like it had a chance. Oh well, another time.

Between the Chicken and Papi collecting eight hits, the love of my life had a solo home run in the seventh, keeping that batting average up to .235. Listen, .235 might be nothing worth writing home over, but for our elderly backup catcher, isn't that good enough? I think it is! And I'm always right... at least in my world.

Franklin Morales had another rough outing, giving up 2 runs in the ninth. I did specifically ask Franklin not to make a habit out of giving up runs. He may not have heard me, so I'll remind him: Franklin, I would appreciate if you did not make a habit out of giving up runs late in the game, ok? I know we had a comfortable lead, but 13-9 is honestly a little too close for comfort.... especially against the Royals.

I'm happy with the game. I am! I'm happy with MC Laser Show, and Papi, and Tek, and Aceves, and what the hell, let's give some credit to Albers because he's been solid. I'd like to see Andrew Miller locate better, and I think it's silly that we couldn't get a hit off of their outfielder, but it's fine. We'll be ready for him next time.

Tonight, Lackey tries to seal up at least a series tie against Bruce Chen. I have zero faith in Lackey, but you never know. He likes to pitch well when I'm not at the park, so he'll probably throw a no-hitter. And he'd do it to spite me.

Rock Bottom: Mariners Can't Beat Lackey. Why?

Once again, Mudpie turns in a nice little pitching performance on a night that I am not in the park. What will it take to get him to pitch that well on a night that I'm at Fenway? Because let's face it, I already know that he'll probably be pitching the next game I go to, and I would like to see a win. Just giving you advanced warning, Mudpie, so you can have all the extra time to come up with new ways to disappoint me.

Offense is key though, people. Good pitching is important, but you can't win a game if you don't score any runs. Luckily, the offense brought some of their run producing bats and were able to get the job done on Friday. After Mudpie allowed a run in the first, Youkilis was able to get said run right back with an RBI single. Two innings later, Pretzels put us on top to stay with a solo home run. Is it weird to anyone else that he has 16 home runs? Why does he have 16 home runs? I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with that.

It looked like a nailbiter of a game with a one-run lead going into the bottom of the seventh... and then it almost turned into a laugher, and then it went back to save situation.... yeah, one of THOSE games. I wasn't entirely sure what my anxiety level was supposed to be by the time Pap came in for the ninth. A five-run seventh gave us a 7-1 lead (thanks largely to Ernie, Youkilis, and Papi), and then a 3-run Mariner home run cut that lead to 7-4. I will not fault Morales for the 3-run homer this time, but let's not make a habit of this, eh Franklin?

Besides, it didn't matter. It was still a relatively comfortable win for a majority of the time, especially with a nice clean inning from Pap. It's now three days later and I still haven't figured out what my anxiety level should be, so there's that. On to game two of the series!

Winning For Weiland: Wild Weekend Winds Down

I was wondering how many 'w's I could fit in my title and still have it make some kind of sense. The answer was six. Go ahead and count if you don't believe me.

This was another insane, weird game. Our rookie pitcher gets ejected in the fifth inning for hitting a batter? Umps, come on. I know you had warned the benches in an effort to avoid any more brawling, but the kid was a rookie who had already given up six runs. Do you really think he did that intentionally? I think nerves and a lack of command were more the culprits than intention, don't you? Oh, you don't? That's why you ejected the itty bitty baby pitcher from his first major league start before he could finish the fifth inning in a game where his team had literally just gotten him the lead and he would have been in line for his first big league win? I see. Alright then.

The second inning was a little... eh, we'll go with shaky. It wasn't all Weiland (whose name gives me an overwhelming urge to call him Scott, much like the front man of the Stone Temple Pilots, but I digress); the fielding was pretty shaky. I'm not blaming anyone in particular for the six runs in the second inning, but I don't think Kyle was as bad as the box score shows. There were some nerves, there were some badly played balls, and there was some pretty crummy luck. I hope he can bounce back from this because I did see some promise for him.

And, oh, offense. I'm surprised Showalter's boys didn't hit more of our batters after we scored that eighth run off of them. I know their kid, Gonzalez, threw behind Papi, but David kept his cool and Mike Gonzalez got ejected. That was a stupid play. Your team is losing in a close game, and you're going to get ejected because what? You want to keep trying to make that point that no one else on the Orioles has been able to make? Like David said, "Situations happen. I guess people make their own decisions, so whatever." Whatever is right, Papi.

Oh yeah, offense. That's what I started writing about. Down 6-2 heading to the bottom of the second, Scutaro and Munchkin both hit solo shots, and Youkilis hit a 2-run shot to tie it up. Guthrie, now pitching for the O's, walked Papi to force in the winning run in the 4th. Pretzels added an RBI single in the seventh, and that would do it for the scoring.

Other props to Alfredo Aceves, who earned the win after Weiland came out of the game. He tossed three innings of no-hit ball, then Bard and Paps closed it out. And that was that. In four games, we outscored the O's 32-13? I think that sounds right. Way to show us who's boss, Orioles.