Burning Money: Bad Moves By The Sox

Call it morbid curiosity or just plain old self torture, but I was again listening to the local sports radio station the other day. They came up with the idea to make a list of all the wasted contracts in the last ten years. Is this an exercise in negativity? Sure...  but the part of me that loves lists loves the idea.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to see if we can make a full 25-man roster with all the bad signings or trades over the last ten years, and then I'm going to list the amount of money we set aside for these guys. For the record, no - Crawford will not be on my list. I happen to like Crawford, thank you very much.
Unfortunately, my definition of 'bad signing' is completely arbitrary and heavily biased, so if you've got something you'd like to debate, go ahead! I may just be swayed, you know.

I think for today, I'll stick with position players. I need time to build up my venom for tomorrow's pitchers list. Believe me, guys, we've had a LOT of really bad pitching.... as if you didn't know. Anyway... ONWARD!

Catcher: 2006's trade for Javy Lopez. The Sox traded Adam Stern to Baltimore in August of 2006 for Javy. He played in 18 games, collected twelve hits and four RBIs. He was released on September 8th after failing to live up to expectations. Though I think the O's sent the Sox money for him, I don't think he was worth the gas it took to drive from Camden Yards to Fenway.

I could try to make a case for Josh Bard or Kelly Shoppach, but Bard wasn't so bad, and I'm trying to give Shoppy a chance. It's hard, but I'm trying. So Kevin Cash, you're my (terrible) guy! I liked nothing about Kevin Cash the first time, and I liked him even less the second time. In total, I think he made $400,000 from the Sox, and every dollar of that brought resentment from me.

Total Damage: $400,000 and Adam Stern.

First Baseman: 2001's waiver signing of Tony Clark. When the Tigers were done with him, they threw Clark on waivers. The Sox were on the hook for 1 year at $5M. For that $5M, he played in 90 games and only collected 57 hits. That means he received almost $88,000 per hit during that year. His .202 batting average inspired the Sox to let him walk as a free agent at the end of the season.

The runner up is JT Snow. JT signed a 1 year, $2M contract with the Sox in January of '06. He was released on June 19th of the same year after  recording only nine hits in 38 games.

Total Damage: $7M

Second Baseman: I truly and honestly cannot find a second baseman in the last ten years that was undeniably horrible.  Rey Sanchez in 2002, Todd Walker in 2003, Mark Bellhorn in 2004 and part of 2005, Tony Graffanino in 2005, Mark Loretta in 2006, and Pedroia since then. No, I have no complaints. Good job on the second base choices, Sox.

Total Damage: None.

Shortstop: Julio "POS" Lugo. There is no question, no debate, no DOUBT in my mind that Lugo was probably the worst signing I've ever seen. Theo lusted after him and that misguided lust stuck us with a four year, $36M albatross. He was terrible in every sense of the word. In July of 2009, Theo finally put us out of our misery and traded him to St. Louis, where he would never be heard from again.

Very close runner up: Edgar Rentaria. In December of '04, after letting OCab walk, Theo made the brilliant decision to sign Rentaripoff to a four year, $40M contract. He lasted exactly one season. Though he hit a respectable .276, he made 30 errors and whined about the infield grass at Fenway. He was traded to Atlanta in December of 2005, and the Sox partially rectified their mistakes by giving me Alex Gonzalez.

Total Damage: $76M and lots and lots of hair clumps.

Third Baseman: Nope, sorry. I've got nothing. As much as I dislike Youk and Beltre, neither deserves to make the list. And if you think I'm putting Billy Mueller or Mike Lowell on the list, you're crazy.

Total Damage: Slight heartbreak at the retirement of Mikey Lowell.

Outfielders: To make my life easier, I'm going to group all the little outfielders together. Your candidates for the worst outfielders in the last ten years are JD Drew, Wily Mo Pena, and Mike Cameron.

JD Drew... I sort of don't want to put him on the list. He was a good little player... a little fragile, but really not terrible. He wasn't fantastic, though, and for $70M over five years, you want better than 'not terrible.' I'm sorry, JD, but you make the list.

Wily Mo Pena... we lost Bronson Arroyo because of him! I don't care what the justification was, I will never forgive him for being a major league player that Theo wanted. He spent half of 2006 and half of 2007 with the team before the Sox realized that he was not going to live up to his potential. Not for us, anyway. In the month after the trade, Arroyo actually had more home runs for the Reds than Pena did for us. Between '06 and '07, we paid him $3M. We paid cash to Cincinnati to get him, and we paid the Nationals to take him from us. Talk about a terrible ROI.

Mike Cameron. We all sort of knew this wasn't going to be a worthwhile investment. As nice of a guy as Cameron seemed to be, he just was not impressive in the field or at bat. Two year, $15.5M contract for a 38 year old outfielder? That was doomed from the start. Mike played in 81 games between 2010 and 2011, collecting 56 hits in 256 AB's. He ended up getting traded to the Marlins half way through 2011, and we paid them to take him. Wise business decision, I'm sure.

Total Damage: $88.5M and Bronson Arroyo.

Overall, I'm seeing a cumulative waste of $171,900,000, Adam Stern, Bronson Arroyo, and large clumps of hair (not to mention slight heartbreak over Mikey Lowell). Just wait. Seriously, the pitchers? So much worse.

I wonder how many of the hundreds of dollars I've spent on tickets went to Wily Mo's contract?

Punchy Sort of Week: Cookies and Spine Punches For Jays Series

He looks ready for spine punches, don't you think?

I've been really good about not having Timlin punch many spines lately. It's part of my effort to be more positive about baseball in general, and I think it's going well. This week, though? A couple of punches need to be distributed. It's only fair. But don't worry, because there are plenty of cookies to hand out, too!

As a side note, I'm kind of surprised I'm still doing this. I'm way beyond my typical two-weeks-before-boredom mark. Oh well! Let's hand 'em out!

Varitek - 70 cookies - plus five for blocking the plate (I guess? Maybe?) and driving in one of our three RBIs in game 2.
Munchkin - 43 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus 2 for his GM 2 home run. Chicks dig the long ball, guys.
Wakefield - 37 cookies - plus six for career win #198, Sox career win #184
Papi - 35 cookies - plus 2 for the double that started the game 2 mini-rally.
Beckett - 30 cookies
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Youk - 23 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch
Drew - 16 cookies - plus two for driving in a run in Gm 2
Lester - 14 cookies - plus three so his injury heals faster. Also for having a no-hitter for a couple of innings.
Tito - 12 cookies, one Timlin spine punch
Ellsbury - 11 cookies - plus five for having a great game 3.
Crawford - 10 cookies
Ernie - 10 cookies
Dahmer - 8 cookies
Salty - 7 cookies, 2 spine punches - plus one for a game 1 triple
Dan Wheeler - 7 cookies - plus six for crucial clean innings after the Lackey fiasco in game one.
Aceves - 6 cookies
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Lowrider - 3 cookies
Paps - 2 cookies, 2 Timlin spine punch - plus one spine punch and minus two cookies for two really bad performances in a row.
Matt Albers - 2 cookies for pitching in after the Lester injury
Franklin Moralez - 2 cookies for the same reason as Albers
Daniel Bard - 2 cookies.... see above.
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Yamaico Navarro - 1 cookie
Lackey - -14 cookies, 3 spine punches - plus three spine punches because HE SUCKS.
Jenks - 3 Timlin spine punches

No, Jonny, NOOOOOO!: Sox Win Despite Lester's Injury

Jonny Bear, how could you!? How could you strain your left lat and come out of a no-hitter before I even got home? I know I was a lot later than usual and I should have been there to watch you, but you knew I'd be there. Oh God, this is all my fault, isn't it?!

Faux melodramatics aside... I am kind of worried about Jon being injured. See, we sort of need him. Unlike the OTHER starter with the initials JL, THIS JL is actually important to the team. I just hope that with rest and the ASB coming up, Jon won't miss too much time, because honestly... we need him. A lot. Our left-handed Beckett. Our co-ace. Our no-hit hero. Am I pushing this too far? I don't care. He's vital. I love Jon.

Papelbon, on the other hand.... oh man. Jonathan, I seriously hope you took Tek and Ronald out for as much alcohol as their livers could handle, because they saved your dancing ass. With two out, two on, and two runs already in, Paps allowed a single to left. Encarnacion came running home. Ronald shot that ball back in to Tek like it was his job, and Tek blocked the plate and somehow by the grace of all that is holy, got the out at home. I know that John Farrel doesn't think Tek made the tag, but John? You're not in Boston any more. No one cares what you think. I barely cared what you thought while you were here. Since baseball refuses instant replay, you have to live with the call. To me, all biases aside, I thought he made the tag. Maybe I saw it wrong. Who knows? It was two great plays to cover up some crappy pitching from our closer. Jonathan, though, was the only pitcher out of the pen who had a bad night. Matt Albers, Franklin Morales, and Daniel Bard were all fantastic, stepping up huge when we needed them. Cookies are coming to you three. Just be patient.

So how did we score our three runs? Let me tell you a story....

Once upon a time in the magical land of Fenway, the mighty giant David stood on second base. Our hero, Captain Varitek saw him stranded in a sea of blue and cast a spell that made the little white orb that held mighty David at second fly into left field. David ran home safely and Captain Tek replaced him on the base. Seeing that the Captain was now stuck, the oft-injured JD The Broken took it upon himself to save Varitek from the curse of the white orb. He also sent the ball flying, this time to right, and the Captain was free to return home. Then one inning later, the Mighty Midget hit a home run, and that's your story, kids. Go to bed.

Yes, I know it's not even 8 AM, go to bed anyway. No? Well, you WERE good in listening to the story. I'll reward you with some lovely pictures of the Captain from Monday's game. Just three. I wouldn't want to spoil your appetite. Here you go.

You're welcome.

Frustrating For Tim: Good For The Win Total

Now that 4th of July weekend is over, and I've been sufficiently sunburnt, I can catch up on my blogging. Hooray! I know, I'm pretty excited about it, too. What I'm not excited about is the lack of run support for one Timothy Wakefield on Friday night. Scutaro lead off the game with a home run and then they just. Stopped. Hitting. Until Tim came out of the game, that is. After he came out, they just erupted with hits and runs and happy sunshine unicorns. Maybe not that last part. I might have made up that last part.

My dearest Timmy was not having his best day. I'll admit that. Five runs on eleven hits in five and one third to the worst team in baseball? Not the kind of game I would write home about... but in all fairness, I never write home. I'd rather just call. So anyway... we had nothing. The pitching wasn't so hot, there was literally no hitting between our second batter of the game and the end of the sixth inning, and they were in that horrible little park in Houston. Has anyone been there? Is it as horrible as it looks on TV? I don't want to unfairly categorize it as awful if it was just a trick of the light, but it looked like a place I'd never want to be. Ever. For anything.

The top of the seventh began and five straight Sox batters reached base. Two Drews, a Salty, a burger-slinging clown, and Reddickulous combined to bring in two runs and load the bases. Scutaro, looking to take advantage of the situation, promptly struck out, but there was more offense to come. A midget and George Lopez's best friend combined to drive in the last four runs that would be driven in during the game. A single for Munchkin put two on the board, and a double for Ernie matched that. Viola! You have your final score, ladies and fellas. 7-5 Sox.

Timmy didn't get the win, but let's be fair. He didn't deserve it. I'm saddened that he doesn't take a step closer to The Record (is that TM'ed? It should be), but hopefully he'll get many more chances to get that record. And maybe the Sox will remember how to hit WHILE he's on the mound instead of AFTER he comes out of the game. I won't hold my breath for that, though.

Not Swept: One Out Of Three... Aint... Bad?

Hi! I'm back from my little impromptu vacation during which I did nothing but bake cookies and do laundry. Exciting life, I know. It's just that people can't get enough of the cookies so I'm forced into slave labor. It happens to everyone, right? Wait, that's not all I did. I watched baseball, too. Oh my, what a disaster Pittsburg turned into.

The whole series was honestly pretty shameful. Marco Scutaro, I'm going to have Mike Timlin punch you so hard in the spine, you'll be temporarily paralyzed. Kevin Youkilis, I'm not so sure you made a single play at third ALL WEEKEND. I was watching you. It was ugly. Actually, everyone's fielding was ugly. Scutaro, Reddick, Cameron.... guys, come on! We had something like six errors in the last four games, and that's not even accounting for the misplays that weren't called errors. I know you all are tired and the ASB is coming up, but you're not there yet! So cut the shit and field your positions. My God, you were all terrible.

Luckily, by the grace of whatever, they did manage to salvage the last game of the series, but just barely. It seemed kind of apparent to me that Ronald McDonald's cousin James really wanted to decapitate our Munchkin. Three times he threw up and in on Pedroia. I don't know what point he was trying to make, but you do not maim the Munchkin! We sort of need him.

Our terrible defense was offset by the even worse defense of the Pirates. It's troubling that we almost couldn't score runs without their help. Only one run was earned, the rest were handed to us. I'll willingly take them, but I sincerely hope that the Sox re-find the delightful swagger they possessed when they won 11 out of 12 against our ALE foes.

It's really hard not to harp on the negatives when they just played so poorly in their last two series and fell out of first in the division. I think I've done enough harping. Except for this... seriously, JD? How do you foul a ball off your own face? You're ridiculous! Ok, now the harping is over. We've got today off to reflect on the absurdity of the last week, and then we march Beckett's sick face out to square off against Cliff Lee. Frightening? For us, sure, but I think that Josh kept himself out of the lineup intentionally so he could face Cliff Lee on Tuesday. It's all in his master plan, folks. Trust in Josh.... or he might hurt you.

John Lackey: Better Buy Pedroia Dinner

Jacoby led off the first with a HR, so he leads off the blog, too.

That was... man, that was a long first inning. The rest of the game wasn't that bad, but the first inning was something like 45 minutes long. It was also scary. Carl Crawford, who hustled his butt off down to first, came up lame and instantly came out of the game. Hamstring injury. Disabled list. Damnit. The plus side was that we matched the two runs that Lackey allowed (the first on a leadoff HR for CRW). On the Brewers side, Shawn Marcum also came out with an injury after throwing 44 pitches.

In the second after a Munchkin walk and an Ernie double, Youk smacked a 2-run single to put us on top for... oh, about five minutes. Lackey gave the two runs right back in the top of the third, but he settled down after that and still managed to go 8 innings. The key play in the game was the double play Munchkin turned in the 3rd. The double play came after four straight hits and two runs that Lackey surrendered pretty quickly. Describing the DP is impossible. It was incredible. It was a play that only Pedroia could make, and he made it perfectly. After that play, I started feeling good about the game. I know I wasn't the only one. Lackey better have thanked him profusely with words, food, and alcohol.

The Sox weren't done scoring even if the Brewers were. Ernie led off the 5th with a solo home run, finally putting us in the lead for good. Unfortunately, Youkilis came out of the game with 'intestinal distress.' Word to the Red Sox: If you guys would stop spitting on yourselves and high-fiving everyone, intestinal distress wouldn't spread so quickly around the clubhouse. You're all gross. Baseball players are gross. Tangent. Anyway... The sixth was my favorite, because the 6th featured offense from Varitek and that will always beat out anything else. JD walked and Tek doubled him in. Two batters later, Munchkin singled him in. In the 7th, Ronald (who came in to replace Carl) drove in a run, and JD drove in a pair... and that was all the scoring that would happen.

The injuries are starting to pile up again. It's a tad bit frightening, and I know I'm not the only one who has mild PTSD from last season's injury-fest. Crawford was officially put on the DL, and Josh Reddick was called up to take his place. I hope Carl heals quickly, but in the meantime, I will enjoy Reddick's presence.

June 13: Cookies.. And Again, No Spine Punches

It's been a good week for the Sox. We've gone through two whole series and I haven't felt the need to administer a single spine punch. Who gets the most cookies, you might ask?

Yeah, there shouldn't have been any question about that. Let's get this updated!

Papi - 32 cookies - plus 12 for fifth inning shenanigans
Varitek - 31 cookies - plus 13 for being offensively wonderful
Munchkin - 31 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus nine cookies for offensive contributions and for continuing to not be broken.
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies - plus one cookie for a clean inning
Drew - 14 cookies - two cookies for a good Saturday
Beckett - 12 cookies
Crawford - 10 cookies
Lester - 8 cookies - plus six for getting himself back on track
Wakefield - 7 cookies
Aceves - 6 cookies
Dahmer - 5 cookies - for pitching with a blister
Ellsbury - 4 cookies
Scutaro - 3 cookies - for doing a good job!
Salty - 3 cookies - for playing while not feeling well... and doing a good job.
Jenks - 1 cookie
Ernie - 1 cookies - plus seven... just to get him into positive cookies
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie for a clean inning
Dan Wheeler - 1 cookie - also for a clean inning
Youk - 1 cookie and 1 Timlin spine punch - plus one, because apparently, I'm being petty if I don't give him one.
Lackey - -17 cookies - plus six for only giving up four runs.
Cameron - 1 Timlin spine punch.
Tito - 1 Timlin spine punch
Paps - 1 Timlin spine punch

Terrific Timmys: Wakefield and Thomas Secure Wins

44 year old Tim Wakefield and 37 year old Tim Thomas made sports fans in Boston very happy last night. For Thomas, he recorded yet another shutout for the Bruins in their quest to bring home a Stanley Cup for the first time since 1972 and helped turn the Finals into a best-of-three affair. And I can't say I was morally against his hit on Burrows either. I'm just hoping that Thomas and the boys can keep up this pace and finish the Canucks off back at the Garden in game six.

As for Tim Wakefield, he reduced his magic number from 12 to 11, pitching five and one third innings of pretty good baseball against the former number one team in the AL East. Tim's first three innings were brilliant, and then the ever-baffling knuckleball seemed to take a nasty turn on him. Timmy allowed five runs on five hits with three walks and three strikeouts. More importantly, Tim and the team got the win. For Wake, this is win number 182 in a Red Sox uniform. Ten to tie, eleven to take the top. It's seeming more and more likely that he can do it, and if he can't do it this season, Theo better bring him back next year.

For a few moments after realizing Varitek was catching for Wake, I was filled with pure and paralyzing terror, but I have to say... he did a damn fine job of it. Though we all know Tek is scared to death of catching that knuckleball, he knew we needed him and he did what he had to do. The battery duo last night has shown time and time again that either of them will do anything the team needs done, and that's why I love both of them so much.

The offense jumped on a largely ineffective Burnett early, putting three up on the board in the first inning for the second night in a row, two runs coming off another Ortiz home run. I'm sure Girardi didn't appreciate it at all, but thankfully, we don't play to keep Girardi happy. Tito, on the other hand, probably loved it. In the second, Scoots and Drew teamed up to add another run. In the fourth, Varitek beat out a double-play ball to bring in a run, then CRW doubled to bring in another, and THEN Munchkin singled to bring in the 7th run. Still, for all the runs we put on him, Burnett lasted longer than Garcia.

The Yanks tried to make it interesting in the later innings, but Alfredo Aceves earned a save by throwing three and two-thirds innings and only allowing a single run. Just to make it comfortable again, the Sox added three more in the ninth on home runs for Crawford and Drew. Aceves slammed the door in the bottom of the ninth, and we take the top spot in the East. Easy, right?

Sure was. Let's home the never-ending rematch of Beckett vs Sabathia plays out the way these last two games have.

June 5th: Cookies and Spine Punches

I just kind of smushed all the awarded cookies into one post. All spine punches were for the June 4th game.

Tommy Hottovy - 24 cookies for that nifty double play on Saturday.
Munchkin - 16 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus 9 for all the things he does, spine punch for the error Saturday.
Varitek - 12 cookies.
Drew - 12 cookies for the win on Saturday.
Crawford - 10 cookies - plus 12 for the three games of greatness.
Papi - 8 cookies
Ellsbury - 3 cookies
Aceves - 3 cookies - earned 3 for Saturday's performance
Wakefield - 1 cookie
Jenks - 1 cookie for not being awful
Ernie - -12 cookies
Lackey - -23 cookies, because I don't like him
Cameron - 1 Timlin spine punch.
Youk - 1 Timlin spine punch for the misplay on Saturday
Tito - 1 Timlin spine punch for bad decisions on Saturday
Paps - 1 Timlin spine punch for... yeah, you get the idea.

Thank Heaven For JD Drew: Yeah, Bet You Never Thought I'd Write That

How does one even start to summarize this game without swearing? My friends described it as Groundhog's Day, where the same thing kept happening over and over. Runners reach base, the runners get stranded, we rip out our hair. Beckett wasn't at his best, and his ERA is over 2 for the first time in a long time. Albers only served to load the bases in the 7th. Tommy Hottovy, our new litttle call up, got an insanely key double play.

Papelbon was terrible. Munchkin made a crappy error, but contrary to popular belief, that whole mess wasn't his fault. You can't assume the double play, and Paps shouldn't have been so awful. I don't care that he was a closer coming in to a non-save situation. He still had a job to do, and he didn't do it.

I can't remember the last time I saw Tek get kicked out the game. I don't know what he said, but Randazzo was quick to run him. Randazzo was also quick to mouth off to Papelbon. While I don't approve of Papelbon charging down to home plate and getting in the ump's face, I understand his frustration, and I'm disgusted with Randazzo's behavior. When will it be time for MLB to put these asshole umpires in check. When it gets the point that you know the umpires' names, there's a problem. The game is NOT about you, Tony. Pull your head out of your ass.

Jenks pitched 1.2 innings (coming in after Paps got tossed) and did a great job. Maybe that DL time really did help him. Alfredo Aceves was absolutely clutch, coming out of the bullpen and pitching four innings and giving us chance after chance. The eleventh inning was a little scary. Aceves allowed a run and we got down to our last out... and oh my goodness, Salty hit a double! And then CRW doubled him in! Insane. So on the game went.

Finally, in another groundhog day moment, we are quickly down to our last out, and Crawford doubled, then Drew drives him in with a very clutch single. Water, and everyone gets to breathe. It was intense and frightening, and I'm just glad they walked away with a win. I don't know what's going to happen with Paps... did he bump Randazzo? I hope he didn't, because we don't need suspensions. All that matters is the win, and we got it.

Bad Ernie!: No Cookie For You!

About fifty minutes before game time last night, I get a call asking me if I want to go to the game. My friend had scored free tickets. How could I turn that down? Due to traffic and other such delays, by the time we got to the park, it was 5-0 Chicago. Ugh. Gonna be one of those nights.

Oh, and it was. Ten runs were all but handed to Chicago. The Yankees reclaimed first place. The southsiders slapped our mommas and kicked our dogs. AND Bobby Jenks pitched. There was just nothing redeeming about the night. Then, with a runner on and two outs in the bottom of the ninth, we had the heart of our lineup coming up. My friend and I scripted it this way: Ernie walked, Youk gets HBP, and Ortiz hits a grand slam. What really happened? Ernie took three pitches and struck out looking.

Deep breath.

He STRUCK. OUT. LOOKING.

I have three rules of hitting. I've mentioned them before, but for the sake of this post, I will repeat them. One - Do not swing at the first pitch unless you're Nomar or someone equally as likely to get a hit. Two - No swinging at 3-0 counts. Make the pitcher throw strikes. Three - DO NOT STARE AT STRIKE THREE! Backwards K's drive me crazy. If the count is 0-2, and the pitch is close... SWING, darnit! If you strike out swinging, at least it feels like you tried. Sometimes, you don't have the luxury of waiting for the perfect pitch.

So that was my rant for the night. On the plus side, Tek had a great night at the plate. This had to have been his first three-hit game of the season. A home run and two singles, I believe. Tek is now batting .235. Starters batting less than .235? Drew (.228) and Crawford (.234). I am providing no commentary on this, I am just stating facts.

My friend and I are contemplating keeping a spreadsheet of which players earn how many cookies per game, and tallying it up at the end of the season. I don't know if we'll actually stick with it, but cookie earners from last night's game are Crawford (1), Varitek (12), and Ortiz (6). Cookies are assigned arbitrarily, depending on who we feel has earned them or needed them. For example, I gave a cookie to Carl, even though he clearly didn't earn it. I thought he could use a pick-me-up. Let's see how many cookies get earned on the field tonight, as we begin the quest back to the top of the mountain.

Love All The Dirty Water: But Would Prefer Fewer Heart Attacks

Daniel Bard... oh, Daniel, we need to talk. Actually, instead of talking, you have necessitated me ripping your face off again, so I'm going to do that. We had a good stretch without ripping your face off, didn't we? Then you had to go and choose the 8th inning of the game I was most anticipating for the week to go and implode. Why did you do that? I don't even know where I left my face ripping gloves, so now you're inconveniencing me again. This time, I might sew your face back on backwards just to serve as a reminder that it did happen. Enough of your shenanigans and dilly-dallying. For real this time.

And Joshua Patrick Beckett, let's get that neck loose, huh? We can't afford more disabled starters right now. Not to say that you weren't fantastic and impressive in your six innings even with a stiff neck, because you were. I'm just saying that if you had taken control of your neck and loosened it, Daniel Bard wouldn't have pitched the 8th, and I wouldn't have suffered eight heart attacks in the ninth inning. You were only at 83 pitches... an unbelievably impressive fete considering you threw 24 pitches in the 2nd. That's an average of 11 pitches per inning, excluding the 2nd. You did fantastic! No sarcasm, I swear.

What a game, though. Verlander didn't look like he was ever coming out of this one, which scared me a little. I love pitchers' duels. I love them so dearly! Luckily, after giving up a run in the 2nd, Beckett settled down for the next four. After giving up a run in the 3rd, Verlander gave up solo home runs to Drew and Papi in the 4th and 7th innings respectively. Matt Albers pitched respectably in the 7th. Daniel Bard did not, but I'm not going back over the mess he made. And then there was the ninth.

Two pitches into his outing, Paps gets drilled with a line drive off the bat of Alex Avilla. There was general panic in the bleachers... more so when the next three batters reached base with the game tied. But man, Jonathan must have steeled his will, and struck out Boesch and Cabrera back to back on nine pitches total to end the inning and let everyone breathe again. THAT was the definition of heart-attack theater. Scary and entertaining all at the same time. All nine pitches were four-seam fastballs, topping out at 97 for the strikeout of Cabrera and averaging 96. It was beautiful. He's been pitching like he wants a huge contract at the end of the year.

Before anyone really knew what was going on, the Sox had the bases loaded with zero outs in the bottom of the ninth. Lowrider stepped to the plate and participated in a terrifying 10-pitch at-bat that ended with what should have been a single but turned into a force out, as little Jose Iglesias got thrown out at home on a tough play. He couldn't get a lead, or he risked being doubled off third, and by the time he COULD run home, he was out. So that was deflating for a moment. Luckily, with the bases still loaded and one out, Crawford got a hold of Al Alberquerque's 1-1 pitch and deposited it over the head of Austin Jackson in center. Dirty Water, and we win again. Nerve-wracking. And wonderful. That's six for the Sox. With Lester on the mound tonight, I like our chances of getting to seven. Thanks for the heart attacks, boys.

Sox Are Winners: Over .500!

I sat at Fenway for five innings of this game. Five. I don't feel as bad about leaving early when I'm in $12 bleacher seats and got free parking down the street from Fenway. It was a gross night... cold, windy, and rainy, and miserable on the field. It was the second time in a row that I've sat in Fenway for a Dice-K start that he lasted less than five innings, and it didn't look like it was going to end very differently. I'm glad it DID end differently, but even as I drove home, I said to my friend, "Even if they come back and win, I still think leaving early was the right choice."

I hate leaving games early, but sometimes it's the best choice. The Red Sox don't like to win in front of me this season, so I had to remove myself from the equation in order for the comeback to happen. So, you're welcome everyone.

Granted, I missed all the good stuff. The five run sixth? Missed it. Lowrider doubled in Drew, Tek singled in Lowrider, Ernie singled in Crawford, and Youk doubled in Tek and Ernie. Maybe I was making them nervous? I don't know, but I'm glad it happened even if I missed it. In the seventh, Tek singled in Lowrider AGAIN. It was like a loop in the matrix... a wonderful matrixy loop. The great ending where Ernie doubled in CRW and Munchkin? Well, technically I saw that on TV, so I didn't really MISS it.

Now that Lackey's on the DL (hooray!), how long before Dice follows him? I mean, the Lackey situation is different. I really think that he just needs a mental time out. I don't know what Dice needs. They may have different situations, but they have similar results, and those results are troubling at times. How do you make a pitcher consistent? I need to study up on pitching so I can one day be a coach and get the lower end of the rotation in order.

I like that the bats showed up. The only one in the starting lineup without a hit was Papi, but he gets a pass because he's been hitting well in all other games this week. Only Crawfish and Munchkin had one hit. Everyone else had two or three. I mean, we had fifteen hits, they had to be distributed somehow.

I'm rambly today because I don't feel good. Bottom line is that we won, coming back from a six run deficit. Ernie got his first Fenway walk-off moment, and we're looking forward to many more during the course of his career. Dice-K makes me angry, and Wakefield gets to pinch start tonight. We're over .500 for the first time all season, and things are good in Soxville. I've got no complaints. I've got another game to go to on Wednesday, and I promise, if they aren't doing well, I'll leave so they can win.

No Love For Timmy: Friday's Sox Stink

I would love to be able to honestly write that I was shocked at Friday's game. Unfortunately, I wasn't, and I'm sure a whole bunch of you weren't shocked either. Wake wasn't sharp (and this may just be my complete homer side) but I don't think he was as bad as the results showed. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's just my complete homer side talking, mainly because I don't enjoy saying anything negative about Mr. Wakefield. Four point one innings, nine hits, and eight runs later, Wakefield's second start of the year was over, and Tito had been kicked out of the game.

It didn't take long, actually. Wake was charged with a balk in the second inning with runners on first and third and two outs. Tim faked to third and then to first, and apparently, Angel Hernandez felt he did not complete his motion in a satisfactory way and charged him with a balk. Tito lost it. I believe I've seen him angrier at times, but this was the first time this season that I remember him getting worked up to rabid levels. It was ugly. What's even uglier is the way the umpires are allowed to behave. Joe West blocked Tito from speaking to Hernandez. We get it, you're not allowed to argue balls, strikes, or balks. What's absolutely absurd to me is that after he was tossed, he still wasn't able to get even a two-second explanation of what Wakefield did wrong. Joe West is a disgrace to the game, and Angel Hernandez isn't much better. There is NEVER a time when I find out either of them are officiating for a game that I don't groan and accept that they're going to ruin something. Why aren't managers allowed to get clarification on a balk? Why are umpires allowed to make game-changing calls without justifying their decision? Do they think it'll make the game longer if they have to give a short justification? Oh, wait, I forgot. Umpires are infallible. We're supposed to treat them like deities. I'm getting really sick of worshipping at the altar of bad officiating.

My tangents... I do love them. My point is that it would have been much quicker and neater for them to tell Tito where the balk was. Kick him out of the game if you must, but at least explain. I strongly dislike these umpires. It didn't matter much. Aside from a JD Drew solo homer and an Ernie solo homer, there was no offense in this one. Aceves gets the gold star for coming out of the bullpen and pitching four point two innings, only allowing one run. Lowrider gets a slap on the back of his hand for two fielding errors, and the rest of the team gets detention for not showing up to class. And we watch .500 slip farther and farther away....

Dear Dan Haren: Get A Haircut

Heading into this game, I was hearing a lot of 'Dan Haren is the AL ERA leader' and 'Dan Haren is 4-0! FOUR AND OH!!!!' and also 'Dan Haren looks homeless.' I cannot debate any of these points. Dan Haren has the money. He can pay someone to shave that thing off his face. I'm not here to make fun of Dan Haren, though, even though I sort of enjoy typing his name.... Dan Haren Dan Haren Dan Haren. Ok, onto the game. It was actually another good one! But you already knew that because I'm posting three days behind.

For the second night in a row, CRW got the scoring started with an RBI double in the 3rd, putting the Sox up 1-0. In the 4th, Carl Crawford 'drives in' two runs on a fielding error. Does he get credit for those RBIs? I think he does. If not, I'm giving him credit for them... and eventually, I'm going to get to the point where I need to keep a spreadsheet to keep track of all the imaginary stats I am awarding this year. In the 6th, Drew drove in Lowrider to give us our fourth and final run, which we would need like nobody's business. Though, getting four runs off of Haren isn't shabby, is it?

In the other half of the innings, Lester struggled a little bit. He didn't pitch badly, but you could see he was laboring, throwing too many pitches and not making the pitches he wanted to make. He still was able to go six scoreless, throwing 111 pitches, allowing four hits and two walks while collecting eight strikeouts. You know he wanted to go deeper in the game, but we'll take six excellent innings. Matt Albers pitched the 7th, allowing one run on a single to Jeff Mathais. The score was 4-1 heading into the bottom of the 8th. And then Jenks happened.

I didn't really know what to make of Bobby Jenks to start the season. I didn't pay much attention to him in Chicago, and I haven't been mighty impressed with him this season so far, but this 8th inning... oh man. Between Jenks and Salty, this was one act short of a tragedy. This is how the inning went: Double, RBI single, flyout, wild pitch (Abreu to 2nd), flyout, passed ball (Abreu scores... from SECOND. BASE! Why is it the one place Jarrod didn't look for the ball was BEHIND HIM! THE BALL IS BEHIND YOU, JARROD! TURN AROUND! CHRIST!), walk, groundout. I don't care how sloppy Tek's fielding has been so far this season, though it's been just fine, he wouldn't let a runner score from second on a passed ball. Jarrod, for goodness sake, get it together. You're better than that, aren't you?

So now, with a one-run lead to cling to, Paps comes in for the ninth. Aside from a single, it was a good ninth, and no heart attacks were involved. Sox walk away with their third win in a row, defeating AL EAST ERA CHAMPION and generally homeless dude, Dan Haren, and Jon Lester gets a win that he really deserved. Seems like that doesn't happen often enough, huh? Up next, Dice-K Matsuzaka vs. Ervin Santana... gee, I wonder how it ends!

Road Win: Oh My, Is This Allowed?

So, you're telling me that the Red Sox went to a park that wasn't Fenway and won a game? Are you sure you're not making that up? It sounds an awful lot like a tall tale. I mean, I watched the game and all, but I was PRETTY tired yesterday, so I could have just been deceiving myself. Hold on, I'm gonna check redsox.com. Just wait right there.

Ahem. Why is there a picture of meat in the background of the official site of the Boston Red Sox? WHY IS THERE MEAT? I like meat as much as the next person who likes meat, but this is silly and distracting. Is Smith and Wollensky the new partner of the Red Sox? Are they trying to give me dining recommendations? Because guys, there are better steakhouses in Boston. Give me Ruth's Chris any day. Hm. Meat.

Now that I've gotten that mini-rant out of the way... yes, the Sox did in fact win their first road game of the season last night in panic-inducing fashion. I guess that's the way it had to be, but my poor tired heart didn't appreciate it. Dahmer.... eh, he's still trying to find himself this season. He's been throwing a lot of pitches early, missing his locations, and making himself work too hard. He wasn't bad; no, definitely not bad. He just wasn't as sharp as we'd like him to be. Still, he managed his first win and I hope he takes this win and builds upon it.

As a side note, I'm really pretty tired of getting beaten up by former Sox players... specifically former Sox outfielders, so pitching staff, I request you step up your game when facing our old friends. Thanks.

Sometimes between 1 AM and 3 PM EST, the bats arrived in a box from Boston marked "URGENT." Or something like that. Lowrider jumped back on to that hot streak he was riding, going 2 for 4 with his 2 RBI's coming from a 6th inning home run. Youkilis added his own home run, but that's all I'm saying about him. JD blasted his first of the year in the 7th, giving the Sox a 5-1, which if you watched the game, ended up looking mighty small.

Seriously, a few inches here or there, and we lose this game. That was blatantly apparent on Grumpy's at bat in the bottom of the 6th. After a double and two walks with one out, Tito pulled Dahmer and brought in Bard. We desperately needed a few outs. Bard struck out Cliff Pennington and Grumpy stepped up. On the second pitch to Grumpy, he hit one down the left field line that landed maybe an inch foul, just barely missing the chalk dust. That ball would have tied the game (it 4-1 Sox at the time). That play got my heart going, for sure. Bard went on to pitch a pretty seventh. I wish he could have pitched the 8th so Bobby Jenks didn't have to come into this game at all and make things worse.

Jenks' day went like this: strikeout, walk, single, single, single, strikeout. He left with the bases loaded, 2 outs after throwing 24 not so good pitches. Paps comes in, throws five pitches and gets out of the inning. In the ninth, though... more heart attack theater. Single, pop-out, hit by pitch, RBI single. Two on, one out, the winning run at the plate. Somehow he gets two popouts to end the game, and I go back on my heart medication.

Scary wins are wins all the same. And now that I know they CAN win outside the friendly confines, I'm going to expect to see at LEAST that much effort, maybe more for the rest of the season. They can do it. They're just going to make it terrifying.

Oh My Lowrie: Dice-K Goes Seven Awesome Innings

Who ARE these guys? No, seriously, these are not the Sox of the last two weeks. I don't recognize this team, but I love them. What a performance. Honestly, I don't have a SINGLE thing to complain about.

Jed? You, sir, are unbelievable. Were you always this insane and I just didn't notice until you shoved a 4-for-5, 4 RBI performance in my face? Consider me impressed, young Jedi. Also, keep it up. Munchkin is enjoying the breather since he didn't have to carry the team on his shoulders today. Don't get me wrong, he did just fine himself. I'm not one to scoff at a 2-for-5, 2 RBI day. He was far more productive than me today. I didn't get a single hit, nor did I accumulate any RBIs, so... you know. Then again, for the season, I'm still o-for-0 with no RBI's, strikeouts, or walks.

Needless to say, I think this is the team Theo envisioned when he was putting it all together this off-season. Great pitching, great hitting, and nifty defense. I have no idea why Tito took Dice-K out after the 7th when he was only at 89 pitches and had only given up one hit and one walk. Pre-emptive measures perhaps? I can't see! I don't know what's going on! Anyway, unbelievable performance by K today. It's nice to know that he still has that in him occasionally, especially when we needed it so badly to keep a little momentum. I guess he didn't like Lester and Beckett handing that ace card back and forth and made a run to procure it for himself. More kudos to Aceves for pitching a clean 8th. Wakey closed the game, only giving up a solo home run, but hey, that's the way the knuckleball knuckles.

And in the 'it was bound to happen soon' category, Crawford apparently slammed a double off the wall, driving in Lowrie in the 6th. See? See, we told you it would come. Very proud of you, Carl. Now that the monkey's off his back a little bit, maybe we'll start to see a return to form for Crawford. Between Jed hitting everything in sight, Crawford driving in his second run of the season, we got home runs from Youk and CRW (and Lowrie, of course), a triple from JD, more doubles from Youk and Gonzalez (who was looking to have a rough day, striking out in his first three at bats), and three singles from Ortiz, Drew, and Munchkin. That's 13 hits, boys and girls. Thirteen hits and nine runs. Oh my. I love it. The only starter to not have a hit was Tek, but come on.... he's not in there because of his bat. Just sayin.'

Our first three-win-streak of the season, and I find that I really enjoy winning. Is it too much for me to ask of Lackey to just man up and have a good outing in Oakland? Because if he could do that, it would be fantastic.

I'll be making sure to get my rest tonight, because the 10:05 start tomorrow is going to make for a rough Wednesday. Happy Patriots Day, all. Enjoy the feeling of three wins in a row!

Saturday Stomping: Red Sox Lose Again

My opening day, April 9, 2011

Well... that was not exactly what I hoped for when I arrived at Fenway Park yesterday. Clay Buchholz vs. Ivan Nova, I figured we had a pretty good shot at this. Me, my mom, and my friend Amy felt good after the win the day before. The weather was gorgeous, and the air was thick with the smells of sausage vendors on Landsdown St. We were seated in the right field upper box section, and the view was pretty good. I'd like to thank everyone who sat in my row yesterday. I've almost never had a row where I was not asked to get up once. Not once! It was so very appreciated, so thank you, everyone in my row. You were awesome. I loved you.

I know we lost. We got pounded pretty solidly, but it was just so wonderful to get to go home again and to see the sun shine, that I walked out of the park feeling like we had won. There were almost no obnoxious fans around us. We witnessed a proposal. I didn't have to deal with the stupidity of the wave. I couldn't have asked for more, really. I was a little upset to discover that the bullpen now walks from the dugout to the pen to western music. I guess I can understand. They haven't really been the pirates since Timlin left, so it was probably time for a new identity. I will do my best to embrace the wild west bullpen.

The last picture my camera would take... the whole thing just died after this.

Again, Pedroia was the sparkplug, collecting three hits and two of the Sox's four RBIs. With no production from Ells (0-4), Ernie (0-4), and Papi (0-5), we were kind of left for dead. Drew seemed to be on base all day, though he did have one at-bat where he didn't get on (he was 1-2 with a walk and a HBP). Big year for Drew, I'm telling you. There wasn't a lot to cheer for here, but what we did have, we cheered heartily. At least I did. The people around us seemed to be enjoying those rare moments, too. Despite having ten hits, we could only muster four runs.

Dahmer, Doubront, and Aceves were all kind of train wrecks. The one bright spot in the pitching staff for the day was Timmy Wakefield, going two innings and not allowing a single hit. It's always nice to see Tim pitch well. After all the home runs the Yankees were hitting off of us, it was nice to have Tim stop the bleeding (as strange as that sounds).

All in all, it was a good day. I wish I had more pictures to share, since I am oddly motivated to add pictures to my posts today, but my camera (God rest it's little electronic soul) just died. The batteries didn't die, the camera did. That camera provided me with six years of baseball pictures and I will remember it fondly. Thanks for all your help, little buddy.

Almost caught up! Two more posts to go!.... then again, some of that might have to wait till tomorrow. My hands are getting tired...

Bill Hall: For The Win

Literally. Bill Hall created that win last night almost single-handedly. Two home runs, four RBI's, and some fancy leather work in the infield. I can't say that he hasn't been performing up to this point. He was brought in as a utility guy, and he's gotten over 200 at bats so far due to the fragile health of, well, everyone. He had something like 13 home runs coming into last night. Sure, his fielding has been a tad precarious at times, but he did what he could. But last night Backup Bill was pretty much the story.

Sure, Dahmer was good too, but we all know that you can lose a game with good starting pitching. If your offense doesn't help you out, you aren't going to win. Just ask Jon Lester how he feels about that, and he'll tell you... actually, no, he probably won't tell you anything. He'll just get into a Beckettesque speech about executing pitches and that sort of thing.

Wow, I really enjoy the word Beckettesque. But there I go, getting off track again. Dahmer pretty much rocked that pitching mound last night. Eight innings, five hits, one run., 2 walks, 4 K's. Saved the bullpen and took advantage of the rare offensive onslaught. I cannot remember the last time we won by such a large margin. I guess it's been far too long. Just so everyone is aware, Dahmer is sporting a very nifty and quite impressive 2.49 ERA. Man, do I love those ERAs.

Credit also goes to Dustin Richardson, who I was very mean to around the trade deadline when I heard that he had been promoted. It was nothing personal. I was frustrated. I also wasn't being very consistent, because I complained that I don't think the Sox should make any moves, and then I complained that we didn't make any moves. Never happy, I guess. But, really, I did stick by my belief that we have to ride it out. I just sort of wanted another reason to complain about Theo. Grudges. Hard to dispose of. But Dustin pitched a very clean, very lovely 9th innning yesterday. Granted, there was almost no pressure in this one, but it still needed to get done. Thank goodness for us that it did.

Let's see, who else on the offense side of things made me happy? Well, as usual, Mikey. Love that man. Three hits, a walk and an RBI are always appreciated. There were also HR's from Beltre and Drew, and a triple from Ronald. Poor Scutaro went 0-5 from the leadoff spot, but everyone is allowed to have a bad game once in a while. I LOVED the game last night. There haven't been many games I've truly loved this season. Feels like most of them have been more like heart attack theater than love stories, but what can you do? Bailing is not an option, because if you bail, you miss games like last night. It was refreshing. I think the whole team needed that.

Unfortunately, John Lackey, the killer of all momentum, is on the mound this afternoon. Hopefully John can prove me wrong about him and like, do something good. Because my patience with him is incredibly thin. Not like he cares.

But I'm watching you, John. Don't let me down.

Mike Lowell: Hero!

I do love that Mike Lowell. Just something about him that makes me happy. Maybe it's the dashing good looks, or the classy way he handles himself. Oh, or maybe it's the game-winning home runs. Yeah, I think it's that last one. He's done that a few times since coming back from the disabled list. But, he's probably still Theo's mortal enemy. It's cool, Youk was nice enough to take himself out of the equation so Mikey could have his last hurrah in the bigs (assuming that he will, in fact, retire at the end of the season). I prefer to think of it as an act of kindness rather that yet another unfortunate accident at the expense of our season. Gives me more of a reason to like Youk.

I thought Dice-K was good yesterday. I mean, for the first few innings, I thought he was good. He sort of did that annoying implodey thing he does at times, and allowed the Jays to match the four spot we put on the board. Also, throwing 110 pitches in 5 and 2/3rds. Not super good. He did manage to strike out seven and limit his walks to three. I don't know. I usually don't expect too much from the guy anyway, so I'm not disappointed. Felix Doubrount, I think, handled himself wonderfully out of the pen. Yes, he blew the save and gave up a home run that tied the game, but he never let the Jays pull ahead, which to me, is pretty good for a kid learning to work out of the pen. I was proud of him, but then again, I love the rookies. All of them.

MDC and Paps both managed to pitch in a close game without blowing the lead or making me panic. Really, I think that was the best part of it all. There was no heart attack theater at the end of the game. Just nice, clean innings from two guys who have concerned me tremendously all year.

Aside from Mikey's HR, he also hit a sac fly in the 3rd. JD had a solo shot in the 5th. Lowrider had 2 RBI doubles, which is always nice from someone I keep forgetting is on the team, and Beltre and CRW each added an RBI via a double and a single respectively. So it was a team effort.

I didn't cover the Yankee series at all, and honestly, I have no intention of doing so even though we won 2 out of 4. It was good enough, but we have more important issues at hand now. Like, how will Dahmer fare against Shawn Marcum. I don't know, but I can't wait to find out!