Midget King Strikes Again: Also, Papi Slams Royals

Some days, it's really difficult to come up with a stupid title for my posts. Some days, I can stare at the blank little line for literally twenty minutes thinking "There is nothing worth turning into a title. Why is there nothing worth turning into a title?!" And then I get frustrated and write something stupid that leaves me shaking my head. Not today. Today we've got a plethora of highlights to go over. Hint: Two of them are mentioned in my title today. Alright, kids, take out your notebooks and get ready to take notes.

First off, let's start with the Lackey Pledge, a campaign of sorts bravely started in an effort to give Mudpie the warm fuzzies whenever he takes the Fenway mound. Lauren's got the right idea, and I encourage all of you to make your own version of the Lackey pledge and stick with it. Here's mine:

I, Jup, do solemnly pledge to only curse the name of John Lackey on occasions which he truly deserves the ridicule. These occasions, moments in which he has surpassed the 'Lackey Limit,' are still subject to cursing, threat-making, object-throwing, defenestration, and general unpleasantness. All other occasions are subject to quiet murmuring about how one John Lackey shouldn't be allowed to pitch with that face.

Pledge done. Even crappy pitchers deserve to not be pelted with tomatoes once in a while I guess.

Onto baseball! So Mudpie still sort of sucked, but I don't care because our offense showed up again, so we don't even have to discuss the pitching today! YAY! (Actually, boo, because I like pitching, but you know) To start... MC Laser Show at it again, extending that hitting streak to 24 games and spreading general badassery towards all aspects of his game. Another three hits, to go along with his four from last night. If I were an opposing pitcher, I'd be terrified of Pedroia right now. If only he had gotten that home run last night. Sigh.

In the 'ok fine, I'll give you credit' category, Pretzels also had a fine night at the plate, going 3-for-4 with a 1st inning lead-off home run, a walk to bring in a run, and a double. Pretzels, in case you did not know, is batting .325. And he's got 17 home runs. Aren't those two signs of the Apocalypse? I think they are. Keep an eye out for horsemen.

And then there's Papi. Our lovable big man only had one hit last night, but that hit was grand. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, a fourth inning grand slam. It was crushed, and if you didn't know it was out right off the bat, then you weren't paying attention. This, of course, is the best way to record your 1,000 RBI as a member of the Sox. 1,000 RBIs for Papi. The number's mindblowing if you think about it, and he joins a pretty elite club of Yaz, Teddy Ballgame, Jim Ed Rice, Dewey, and Bobby Doerr. I don't have a fun nickname for Bobby Doerr. Sorry. Think about how many of those RBIs were in critical moments... how many of them gave us leads, how many of them tied the game in late innings when we needed him the most. Just think of how many of them are against the Yankees. I love Ortiz, and all he has done for the Sox during his nine year career. Congratulations on 1,000 well-loved and very-appreciated RBIs, Papi.

More offensive 'props' (as the kids would say) to Ernie, whose three hits for the night brought his average up to .351. That's a pretty number, but it's about 49 points lower than I would like it to be. You've got two months, big guy. Get going on that, ok? Also, Youkilis stole a base. You literally do not see that every day. He now has 2 SB's for the season. Ronald and Yamaico each had a pair of hits. Production from the bottom of the order is important when your top three hitters are as hot as Pretzels, Munchkin, and Ernie. Offense is fun when it's coming from our guys.

This afternoon, in yet another attempt by the universe to keep me from witnessing the sheer glory of watching Beckett pitch, Josh will be taking on the guy that Lester threw the no-hitter against. Yup, Beckett vs. Hochevar. If I have time, I might live-blog... but I don't want to make any promises.

Speaking of promises, I completely forgot to put up those Celebrity Putt-Putt pictures. Will someone please remind me to post those when I get home?

Foghorns At Fenway: Sox Powerplay On Point

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, Tim Wakefield
Nine wins is all that separates Timmy and the all-time wins record. How fantastic was he today? Answer: Very fantastic. It seems that every time you pair Tim Wakefield and Tim Thomas, good things happen. The Bruins, of course, were in the house to celebrate their Stanley Cup championship with the Sox. Watching #33 Captain Zdeno Chara throw out the first pitch to #33 Captain Jason Varitek was incredible. In honor of the B's, the Sox let the foghorn echo every time we scored a run. The foghorn got a strenuous workout today.

Tim, though. Tim is unbelievable. This man just keeps chugging along, pitching innings, confusing batters, and lately being a Beckett-level badass (without the Beckettesque attitude). Today, in just another day's work, Timmy pitched eight innings of three-hit ball. Two of those hits were home runs, and the other was a double. The only other baserunner Nyjer Morgan, who reached on a walk in the 5th. All Tim needed to dominate the Brewers was 99 pitches. Yet another quality start for the elder statesman. Yes, Jim Rice, he IS a horse.

As for the foghorn... there were only three innings where it didn't have a job to do. Shame on you, innings 2,3, and 8. You're off the hook, 9th inning, because we didn't have to play you. By the time the first inning was over, CRW had a multi-hit game going, and the foghorn had sounded six time. SIX TIMES. Munchkin got the foghorn screaming again in the fifth inning with a solo home run to straightaway center field. That home run was followed by Ernie's 1000th career hit... a triple, no less! Two batters later, Ortiz beat out the throw to first, preventing a double play and scoring Ernie from third. In the fifth, the horn sounded for Munchkin again as his sac fly scored Reddickulous from third. At this point, everyone on the team except for Scutaro had collected at least one hit.

Scoots didn't have to wait much longer, as he hammered a ball into the monster seats in the 6th, plating two more runs and letting the horn sing again. In the seventh, Ernie singled in Drew Sutton, who had been running for Munchkin. Too bad they didn't have him run for Youkilis, who was hobbling around pretty bad out there at the end of the inning. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he's not hurt.

Aside from the news that Dahmer is now on the DL with a stiff back, this was a beautiful day at Fenway. And of course, Dahmer is only injured because the sports gods are doing everything in their power to get Wake those nine wins. Don't be surprised if Lackey ends up with another mysterious injury when Clay is ready to come back. And no, it won't have anything to do with Mike Timlin.

Beckett: Intimidating

According to the guys on Fox who I could barely stand to listen to, Joshua is the type of guy that you're afraid to talk to during his start days. I can definitely see that. He's got badassery oozing off of him, and no, that's not a personal problem. I guess you could say in this game, Josh was scary good.... or that he was just good.

Despite my unrepentant love for Josh, I didn't have a good feeling about this game. In retrospect the bad feeling was probably about the Bruins game, and my brain just got a little confused. I'm sad for the B's but I'm happy for Beckett. He wasn't as sharp as I would have liked. He only went six when he probably should have gone 7 or 8, but he only allowed four hits. He had that lovely curveball going again. It wasn't as consistent as we've seen in the past, but it was lovely nonetheless. I don't care what you say, Beckett! Your curve is your second best pitch, not your changeup! I will fight you to the death on this matter, even if I'm wrong! One thing I'm not wrong about.... in the neverending rematches of the 2007 ALCS, Josh proves time and time again that he, and not Fatass, is the better pitcher. Let there be no question about that.

The game was a stalemate until the fifth when the Red Sox finally gave up on watching the Bruins game and returned to hitting. With the bases loaded in the fifth, CRW came up and smacked a double to left, allowing two runs to score. It was all we needed as Beckett and the bullpen cowboys posted zeros all night long. Luckily, we threw a few more demoralizing runs on the board against the Yankees, just for good measure. In the seventh, Tek singled in Cameron. There was question whether or not they would credit him with the RBI since Swisher misplayed the ball, but he got his ribby when it was done. Two batters later, Ernie came up and pulled an Ichiro:

"He even said that. He said, 'I'm going to give it a little Ichiro," manager Terry Francona said. "He amazes me. I mean, when you say you're going to do it, and then you do it? That's pretty impressive."

I know I'm not the only one who thinks it's cool that he knows how to pull an Ichiro. I sort of love Ichiro. Whether he's Ichiro or himself, Ernie has been knocking them out pretty consistently in May, and I like it.

Beckett walks away with a win, the Sox inch closer to .500, and Varitek got on base more than once! There was nothing I disliked about this game... except for the announcers and the Posada-drama. He asked out of a game! GTF over it. That's all I'm saying about Chinless. Happiness abounds in Red Sox land. Now.... to the finale!

How Grand!: Sox Find Their Bats

In a completely unexpected turn of events, last night, the Red Sox discovered that (contrary to their prior belief) they ARE allowed to hit the round, white thing that the other team kept throwing at them. Perhaps the ever-fantastic Rocco Baldelli was kind enough to say "hey, guys, it's cool if you hit the baseball. You're supposed to do that!" Or maybe the equally fantastic Carlos Pena passed a note over to the home team's dugout with the words "see ball, hit ball." I don't know. I just wanted an excuse to mention both Pena and Baldelli, because I adore both of them.

More likely, it was the fact that Jeff Neimann has struggled mightily since coming back from the disabled list a few weeks ago, and the Sox were finally able to take advantage of a struggling pitcher. I can't say that before this game, they had been completely inept at the plate. Saturday, sure. They were inept. Sunday, they scored five runs. On a day when Beckett is pitching and Pap is closing, five runs generally gives you the win. Well, just to make sure, the Sox decided to score twelve yesterday. I really hope that they didn't just use up all their offense for the week.

After the first two innings, I was pretty confident that the game wouldn't end before I had to be at work this morning. Luckily, the pace did pick up eventually. I think between the first two innings, there were something like 100 pitches thrown. Our first runs came on a giant 2-run shot by Papi and a solo shot by Beltre (and yes, Victor DID rub his head afterward). After putting up three in the first and second each, the Sox piled on with five more in the fourth, four of which came on Ryan Kalish's grand slam. Man, I love the itty bitty baby Sox. They've kept us alive this year.

Lester threw a bunch of pitches and was done after six, but he was actually pretty damn good, striking out ten and only allowing 2 runs (one in the first and one in the third), and subsequently picking up his 16th win. Nice to see the 'ace' version of him come up big when we need him. Sure, we're all but dead in the water, but isn't it more fun to keep things interesting? We may not make it far, but there's no point in not trying. Our PawSox relief corp had a bit of a rough time, giving up three runs, but were good enough to hold the win. Oki closed it out, and looked good doing so, which is nice for a change. Everything clicked yesterday. I wonder if they can keep it up or if we're going to go back to spotty defense and anemic offense. Based on the pattern of the season, I think I know which I should EXPECT, but I'm hoping for the opposite. Dice-K on the mound tonight. I'll keep one eye open.

Also, in case I haven't mentioned the awesomeness of Mikey lately... the man is playing with a broken rib, because he knows we need him to. Awesomeness or badassery? Perhaps both. I do love that man.

200 Posts: And I Still Have Nothing Good To Say

This, I'm sure some of you will realize, is the scene when Tito got the boot during last night's game. But, my automatic reaction to this...

... is to imagine that the umpire is singing "Give me the beat boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in that rock and roll and drift away!" But not just singing it. Really, really getting into it. And Francona just looks slightly amused at the inappropriateness of the situation. I'm sure the exchange went something like this.

Tito: Scott, what are you doin out there (spit)? Do you even have your head in the game (spit)?
Scott: Terry, don't worry about my head. I went to this awesome concert last night, and I just can't get the songs out of my head.
Tito: Concert? You're.... kidding, right? Weren't you working at, I don't know, this park last night?
Scott: Yeah, but man, you gotta make your own music.
Tito: No (spit), you need to pay attention to what's going on! My guy was safe and...
Scott: Terry, Terry, Terry.... calm down. I saw the play.
Tito: But you got it wrong!... (spit)
Scott: That's ridiculous. I've got the power of good-time rock and roll on my side.
Tito: The power of what?
Scott: (singing) "OHHHHH Give me the beat, boys, and free my sooooooooul"
Tito: This is (spit) ridiculous. Can I eject myself from the game?
Scott: (still singing) "I wanna get lost in that rock and roll and drift awayyyyyy! Wooo!" (throws fist up in the air excitedly)
Tito: Ok.... um... That's it, Terry! You're out of here! (pause) See ya.

I think baseball would be more fun if it were more like the stuff I have in my head. Not to say it's not fun.... but it could be SO MUCH MORE!

JD Drew: Frequently makes me forget the bad things I say about him

You know what? I've given myself hours and hours to let it sink in... to let what happened last night fully absorb. And I can't do it.



I'm stunned. Impressed. Excited. Nervous. Are they giving us false hope? Are they really waking up? Who the hell knows?! I'm stuck in absolute wonderment. It amazes me.



The Rays were looking incredibly smug by the 7th inning. Of course, they had every right to be. It was 7-0, and we had a mere 9 outs left to go. Of course Tampa was liking their chances. But mocking our "fans" was a little uncalled for, and I think karma like that was their real downfall. The baseball gods did not appreciate that. Now, I'm not saying that said gods are going to continue to punish Tampa. I'm just saying that it was their punishment to lose.



But really, Sox fans. How on Earth do you boo your own team during a playoff elimination game? During the regular season is bad enough, but if you're booing your own guys, you do not deserve to be in that park. Never show your faces again. You know they were trying! Support them. That's what you're there for.



HR's by Papi and Drew, RBI's by Munchkin and Grumpy... and hits! More than one per inning! Oh, please let them keep this up for at least two more games. Please let them put up a fight and make it to (and beyond) that 7th game. I want more baseball so badly, and baseball is so much better to me when the Sox are involved. I can't fathom how to recap anything that happened.



All I can do is beg for another win from the Sox. And that's what I'm doing. Please, Josh. Win. You have to win. I really really really want you to win. So, consider it.


Wow.

2008 Red Sox: Heading to the post-season, despite my skepticism

Just some comments from the scene at Fenway that I am watching on TV:

-I'm pretty sure Pedroia wasn't listening to a single question that was asked of him
-No one warned Sean Casey to wear goggles

(photos borrowed from boston.com)
-You KNOW Paps wants to shake to "Shake shake shake senora"
-I think Pedroia was trying to injure his team mates during the initial reaction
-Beckett looked like a happy little six year old girl when they were dumping champagne on his head.
-Ortiz somehow manages to look incredibly stylish during the celebration whereas everyone else looks kind of goofy/homosexual.
-John Henry still looks like Skeletor
-Julio Lugo shouldn't be allowed to celebrate with that injured quad of his. He shouldn't be allowed in the park.
-I adore the happy smile on Mike Lowell's face as he celebrates with the fans. He just makes me happy in ways I don't care to try to understand. I also think it's awesome that Mikey is the only one still wearing his jersey.
-I still think Heidi Watney is a whore.
-If someone had told me on Sunday that the Sox would clinch against either Cliff Lee or Zach Jackson, I think everyone would assume what I would have assumed.
-I'm happy for Kazerud that he gets to go to the postseason this year.
-It does not surprise me that Papelbon was the one stealing bases.
-I want a copy of the picture of Binky, Tek, and the Commander covered in champagne on the field... I want it enlarged, framed, and hung in my room, thanks.

-Off to bed now. Congratulations Tim, and congratulations to the 2008 Boston Red Sox - back in the playoffs to defend what is currently ours!



PS -Is that Mikey's wife taking the picture?... and Lugo still doesn't belong there.

Jason Varitek: No hitting into triple plays for him!

That's right. It was not a triple play, but a beautiful, well-deserved RBI single. Take that, Minnesota! Surprisingly, and wonderfully enough, that wasn't even Jason's only hit for the day. I loved it. It made me happy. I just wish I had seen it!

I am so impressed with this game, but sad at the same time because 1) Today is an off-day after an afternoon game AGAIN, resulting in far too much baseballlessness for me before the ASB, and 2) I don't think the bats will be awake like that for the rest of the season. Call me crazy, but 18 runs is not something we generally put up. And by "we" I mean "The Red Sox"... you know, the Boston flavored ones.

The only thing that made me sad was Joshua. And even then, I dont think he did so bad, necessarily, although that ERA keeps creeping up. He's just under 4 right now. I'd really rather him be just under 3, but hey, can't have it all. And from what I've come to understand, Josh tends to have a hard time with the Twins (referencing his last start in the reg. season last year, of course)... maybe he just doesn't expect them to give him as much of a hard time as they do, and he's always surprised. That's ok, we love Joshua anyway for his kickassness and badassery. I love those words.

So, I guess that's all I really have to say. Happiness abounds, folks. These are the good days that we've been waiting for. Such a shame we had to wait until the ASB to find them.

Oh yeah, some guy named Big Papi is almost ready for a rehab stint. Almost.

Covelli: The Revenge-Bringer

Grumpy has earned a place in my heart. Never in the history of him wearing a Sox uniform have I been more proud, or entertained. This affection may only be temporary, but oh, Grumpy, thank goodness for you. Never did I think you had the stones to charge the mound. You proved me wrong!

Yeah, he'll get suspended, as will a handful of (Devil) Rays... who, as we all bore witness to, are still relatively evil deep down. You can take the Devil out of the name, but you can't take the evil out of the players. That's the God-who-loves-the-Red-Sox honest truth. Carl Crawford, you've made Joshybear's list of people to remember... at least I really, truly hope you have.

I want the fear of the aforementioned God to be inserted, painfully, deep into your soul... if you even have one.

We all know Gomes is on the list. And the Yankees. He's not going to forget mop-up-man Farnsworth throwing at Super Manny's head. I assume he doesn't forget these things. Because when Joshybear is on the mound, I want the badassery to flow from his angry, Texas fingertips and explode in the faces of the evildoers. I, undoubtedly, will laugh and point at little fools like Carl Crawford. You know... they know... we all know something will happen the next time the Sox and Rays/Yanks face off. We know it. We feel it. We want it. You can almost feel it burning in the pit of Joshybear's stomach. Ass-kickery and badassery abounds!

This, of course, is assuming that anyone else on the Sox actually cares about Grumpy. We're going to pretend they do. For today at least, I do to.

Good job, Grumpy!

Oh, and I heard the local basketball team won a game, or something.