Pitching Fails: Part Two Of Money Burning

Ok, admittedly, I didn't find as many position players as I hoped to actually fill out a major league roster. Two catchers, two first basemen, no second or third basemen, two shortstops, and three outfielders... That leaves me with sixteen spots open for pitching. Luckily, I have seventeen pitchers that I consider putrid! I guess I will have to make up my mind on who gets dropped by the end of the post.

Regardless, I just couldn't wait to post about the pitchers like I thought I could. Impatience will kill me one of these days, dear friends.

Here we go!

Starters: If you thought for a second that John Lackey was not on this list, discontinue that thought now. Could it really be a coincidence that we haven't reached the playoffs since Lackey inked that absurd five year $82M contract? He makes everyone around him worse. This will surely go down as the worst free-agent pitching acquisition in history. Definitely the worst in Red Sox history at least.

Daisuke Matsuzaka. Six years, $52M. His first two seasons were decent. 2007 was actually pretty good. Unfortunately, in the last three years, he's played exactly 45 games, totaling 250.1 innings. In three seasons. That means last year, he made almost $1.3M per game. For that kind of money, you better be winning every start. Even if he comes back and has a Cy Young calibur season this year, it'll never make up for the rest of that contract.

Matt Clement. I know, he got hit on the head, and that can really mess a guy up. It doesn't change the fact that he still collected every penny of that $26M/3 year contract. Over the course of the contract, he only pitched two of those seasons, posting a 5.09 ERA in 44 games, 256 innings. Yup, $101,000 per inning pitched.  He didn't have a big fan following here, but fans of opposing teams loved him.

David Wells. I always felt that "Boomer" was a undercover Yankee operative. The thing about Wells was that he actually posted a winning record in his time here, but I was MISERABLE watching him. 17-10 with a 4.56 ERA? He was so bad in 2006 that we unloaded him to the Padres in August of that year. We still paid the remainder of his two-year, $8M contract. Thank goodness he never racked up any performance bonuses. That could have left the Sox on the hook for $18M!

John Smoltz. It pains me to put him here, because I wanted SO BADLY for him to pitch well. He didn't, and the Smoltz reclamation project was deemed a failure. In eight starts, Smoltzy was 2-5 with an 8.33 ERA. Yes, Virginia, he WAS as bad as Lackey. The Sox gave him $5.5M for those 8 games, but cut him loose in mid-August of 2009, realizing that they could just go no further with him. Still, you can't blame them for taking a chance on a future hall of famer, can you?

Brad Penny. Garbage. Penny's entire Sox career was garbage. He single-handedly ruined many of my evenings at Fenway, and the Fourth of July game that I was so excited to be able to attend. That meat mound made $5M off a one year contract, getting cut ten days after Smoltz. 2009 was the year of Theo's reclamation projects, and not a single one worked out (with the possible exception of Saito.... I don't know if I consider him an exception).

Total Damage: $181,500,000

Bullpen: Let's start with the most recent.... Bobby Jenks. Two years, $12M. Had we known that $12M would include a DUI and multiple trips to the DL, would we have avoided that signing? Knowing Theo, probably not. Jenks appeared in 19 games last year, posting a 2-2 record with 6.32 ERA... but even these horrible numbers do not tell the full horror of Jenks on the mound. Granted, he only allowed 1 out of 4 inherited runners to score, but 22 hits and 13 walks in 15 innings? It makes for some tense, terrible baseball.

Eric Gagne. I would have made this trade, too. The Red Sox were the best team in baseball looking for a little extra help out of the pen for the playoffs. Gagne was pitching like an All-Star for Texas. The Sox agreed to pick up his $2.1M in performance bonuses, and they sent Kason Gabbard and David Murphy to Texas as compensation. Gagne, if you don't remember, was vomit-and-seizure inducingly bad. In 20 games (18.2 innings), he posted a 6.75 ERA. He was a huge part of the ALCS Game 2 meltdown. In his career with the Sox, he had five clean innings. Five. After the world series, Gagne was granted free agency, and that's the last I ever want to hear about Gagme.

Javier Lopez. Lopez was all kinds of awful, mostly in the last year. Acquired via trade from the White Sox in June of '06, Lopez was re-signed by the Sox twice. It was that last time that was regrettable. Of course it was his biggest payday. A one year, $1.3M bought us 14 games, 11 innings, and  a 9.26 ERA.  I would cringe, just flat out cringe every time Lopez would come into a game. I had a plethora of nicknames for him, none of them fit to print.  He was an average lefty from 2006-2008. By 2009, he was destined for the garbage heap.

Brendan Donnelly. The Angels traded Donnelly to us in 2006. Half way through 2007, he needed Tommy John surgery. He was named in the Mitchell Report (which I can't REALLY hold against him). He only appeared in 20 games but still collected $1.4M. Not the worst acquisition ever, but still not a great one.

Rudy Seanez. Rudy signed in December of '05. By August of '06, he was gone. He was part of that all-around terrible bullpen in 2006. It was the type of bullpen that made grown men cry and women faint in the streets. Rudy's paychecks apexed with the Sox, as they happily gave him $1.9M to post a 4.82 ERA in 41 games. Again, not the worst signing (that's Lackey), but generally when you release a pitcher when your team desperately needs pitching, you know it's not pretty.

Ramiro Mendoza. I bet some of you were happy when the Sox signed Mendoza, weren't you? Mendoza signed a 2 year, $6.5M contract at the end of the 2002 season after spending his entire prior career with the Yankees. Well, there was a reason they let him walk. He appeared in 64 games for the Sox, posting a 5.73 ERA. In 2003, he allowed 54% of inherited runners score. There is a reason that every bad signing results in people comparing the signing to Mendoza. Bad. Bad all around.

Joel Piñiero. Four Million Dollars. FOUR MILLION! And every time he stepped on the mound, he gave me aneurysms. I don't even want to talk about it. 31 games, 5.03 ERA. I wept for joy when we traded him away in July of '07. You think Mendoza was bad? Piñiero made a career out of making my life miserable.

JC Romero. JC signed with the Sox for $1.6M in December of '06. They released him in June of '07. Was he atrocious? No. But to pay that kind of money to a guy that you only get 23 outings out of is not right. I remember not enjoying his time here. Maybe I'm stretching it a bit here, but it's my list and I can do that.

Matt Mantei. Before the 2005 season, the Sox signed Mantei to a one year, $750,000 contract. In 34 games with the Sox, Matt could only get through 26 innings, posting a 6.49 ERA. Granted, the money wasn't extravagant, but it definitely wasn't a mistake the Sox would make again.

Wade Miller. Let's make this short and sweet. Wade pitched for one season, threw 91 innings, posted a 4.95 ERA and collected $1.5M. I wouldn't pay $20,000 per inning for that all over again.

Total Damage: $33,050,000

For the pitching staff alone, the Sox have committed $214,550,000 of essentially worthless dollars. You're looking at an extra $21M per season for the last ten seasons if these guys had never joined up with the Sox. If you add in the position players, the total wasted dollars comes to $386,450,000.

Well, I just made myself sad. At least baseball is on tv tonight, and no matter how bad it is, it's still kind of good.

Smoltz: ::Sigh::.... What Could Have Been

Well, I fail.

I remember last year around this time, getting all hyped up for the return of John Smoltz to baseball and his first game as a member of the Sox. I was positively giddy, and I rode that giddiness almost all the way through his tenure on our pitching staff. I'm sure you all remember how that ended.

Yes. I was wrong. I thought Smoltz was going to work out, or at the very least give us more than he did. On occassions, he suffered from poor run support. More often than not, he suffered from poor control. Hey, don't blame me for wanting him to succeed so badly with my favorite team that I was willing to overlook how bad he was. He's a future HOF'er. I wanted to see the man pitch. Is that really a sin?

Cutting this short, baseball's "Smoltz Reclamation Project," which started and failed in Theo Epstein's hands, is more than likely coming to an end. While he hasn't officially announced his retirement yet, Smoltz has accepted a position as a TBS analyst. I sort of think this means that he hasn't gotten any offers and he knows he's all done. You hate to see HOF'ers go out like this.... after trying and failing to regain their past successes. Still, I regret not being able to see him pitch live. Oh well. Best of luck, Smoltzie.

Winter Meetings: Cold This Year

I always get my hopes up for the winter meetings and end up sleeping most of the way through them. Why? Because they're boring. Really, when's the last time Theo did anything fun at the winter meetings? Nope, can't think of anything, can you? You can't, because he didn't. Or maybe he did, but nothing is coming to mind.

Our signings thus far, that I've heard of, are Scutaro, Atchinson, and Hulett. Should I be jumping for joy over these acquisitions, because I'm not. I was almost not interested enough to even look up the spelling of Hulett's name. I hear the Yankees are getting/have gotten Curtis Granderson? That's great. I've mentioned before that I like grouping all the players I dislike together, so Granderson would be a good fit for the Yankees. Some may recall that Curtis is officially on my shit list forever because of that whole 'breaking up Beckett's no-hitter' thing back in June. I'm not worried about Granderson anyhow.

But other than that, it's been quiet. I hear Penny signed with the Cardinals? I guess he missed Smoltz. Together, their ERA's can balloon up and they can ride them off into the sunset, or some other such silliness. Yeah, still disappointed that I never got around to watching Smoltz pitch live and that i DID get around to watching Penny pitch live, but I'll survive this disappointment. I'm a trooper, after all.

I've gone through the schedule, up to the All-Star Break, and used my incredible powers of deduction and my mind-blowing ability to count to five, and I've pegged the games I plan on getting tickets for next season. There are only a few, but I'm sure I'll be at more than a few games. What would the season be like without the Red Sox live at Fenway and Camden? I just don't know.

And yes, I am still mourning the fact that Gonzo is a Blue Jay.

It's the End of the World as we Know it: And I Feel Fine

Really, I stewed this weekend about the putrid show (or should I say absence of) offense, but what good did it do me? The Red Sox didn't keep me awake last night. I'm not sure what kept me awake last night, but it wasn't the Red Sox. It wasn't the Yankees, it wasn't Jon Miller, or Joe Morgan, or the incessant clips of the Luis Tiant special that they just. kept. showing. I've got nothing against Luis Tiant, but for chrissakes, ESPN, I've got to watch my team lose. Get Luis off my screen, I want to watch Pedroia ground out after swinging at the first pitch!

The whole entire week of baseball sucked, and I genuinely figured I'd be furious beyond belief all day today. I wasn't. I found myself not even caring about the losses, because I looked up at my calendar and realized that it's August 10th. Seriously! We've got nearly two months left to the season. Even if the season ended today, or tomorrow, do we make the playoffs? Maybe not today, but tomorrow, I bet we do!

The bats suck, that's for sure. But man, our pitching has been TREMENDOUS! John Smoltz... well we all knew that experiment had to end. I feel awful about it, I do, but it had to. Junichi Tazawa? Just a kid. He'll be ok. I'm so not worried. Even Clay gave us a great start. How can you really argue with that? We've seen the bats go dead at the same time before. While I admit, this is a little scarier than I'm used to, I can't imagine they'll be this dead for the rest of the season, so just have a drink and take a deeep breath. We're going to be ok. Seriously... have you looked at Beckett's ERA lately? 3.12. I kid you not. Jon Lester has a 2.somethingawesome ERA since the beginning of June. Our pitching is there. We just need to get the bats up and about.

Hang on, folks. We're nearing the end of the ride, but we still have plenty of hills to climb. It's meant to be fun. I have to remind myself of that some time.

Ok, I Admit It, I Fail

Yes, I am woman enough to admit that I was wrong. This whole John Smoltz thing? It's a disaster. I figured a few bad starts, maybe a slightly elevated ERA, and then the future Hall of Famer would settle down and... I don't know... get some outs? Listen, it just didn't work out that way. I wanted it to work more than anyone I know. When everyone around me was jumping on the 'designate Smoltz' bandwagon, I stayed on the 'give him another chance' one. I think I've finally jumped off. Last night... it was one of those nail-in-the-coffin type moments for me. He can't seem to hold a lead. Ever. I don't know what it is. I do feel absolutely terrible for him because I wanted him to succeed, and I was thrilled when Theo got him. But, this only futhers my theory that I should never be a GM or a manager (not like that would ever happen) because I make decisions about the sport I love with my heart and not my head. In the same line of thinking, since Theo made the move I wanted him to make, maybe he shouldn't be a GM either.

Really, Theo? Paul Byrd AGAIN?! You have so much talent in the minor leagues (PS - where Clay Buchholz should be) and you sign Byrd? Ugh. No, you don't get it, do you? Guys like Byrd and Penny... they're not what we need. I'm not saying we need a Roy Halladay, although that would have been ultimately nice, but we don't need the five innings, 6 ER, 5 BB per outing kind of guys.

Don't mind me. I'm a little frustrated. We don't have Fetus, but we do have Gargoyle and Penny and Smoltz couldn't buy themselves wins right now. No one is scoring runs for Jon Lester, we're 3.5 games back in the division, and goddamn Longoria! You know what I mean. You all know what I mean.

Listen, we've got the Commander on the mound tonight. If he can't get us a win, I don't think I can stomach the rest of the series. He better bring his F-game with him (none of that A-game crap. I actually want to win).

Welcome to August

Man, what a week, huh?

I've been going to Baltimore annually for a long time, and I can say that I don't quite remember seeing it that crowded ever. Don't get me wrong. It's always crowded when the Sox are in town on a weekend, but I felt like it was especially crowded this weekend.

I wanted to head into the park on Friday night to see Smoltz pitch, but after the drive, I was just too tired so I watched it online. I'll admit, when he starts, I almost expect a loss. I hope for a win, but I don't expect one. Getting him the win was nice of Youk, considering that Smoltz probably did not deserve it. That's the benefit of being on a team with a really good offense. They score you runs, you win more games. It doesn't even matter that his ERA is somewhere north of, of I don't know, Saturn? Is Saturn north enough? I guess it really doesn't matter. He won.

Saturday, I hoped with all of my might that Josh was terrible. The funny thing about Josh is, when he says that he has his best stuff, it's usually after a loss. I clearly recall on a few separate occassions, after a particularly rough beating administered by some unsuspecting team, Josh claimed that his stuff was just 'too good.' I know I don't know a lot about the mechanics and minutae of pitching, but really? I'm expected to believe that he gave up 8 runs because he was too good? Well, if he says so. So because of that, every time he pitches, I hope that he is awful. Saturday, he was awful. He was terrible to the tune of 0 ER and 7 IP. Granted, he had a lot of luck with the double plays, but he was still good enough. 13 wins, my friend. Two months left to go. I doubt he'll get to 20, but you never know. I'm not even going to go into the possible Cy Young talk, because they'll just give it to some stupid fat ass who really doesn't deserve it anyway.

I'm mixed about my feelings towards Victor Martinez. While I try to find a nickname that I feel suits him, he will more than likely be called VMart because there is no way I'm writing out Victor Martinez every time. Matter of fact, that's probably the last time you'll see me write it out, so cherish the moment, ok? It's not that I dislike him, per se. My issue comes in the fact that we had to surrender a perfectly good Fetus to get him. I adored Fetus. Honestly I did. I wish him all the best and I'm very sad to see him go. I will always root for him because he seems like such a genuinely nice guy. I hope the major leagues are good to him, where ever he may end up. I'm among the minority who faults Theo for not dumping Buchholz. I'm not sold on him. I just don't think he has what it takes to be a successful major leaguer. It would be nice if he could prove me wrong, I'm just not buying it with him. So we get rid of a pitcher I love to get a catcher who's purpose is to replace the catcher that I love. It's not that I dislike VMart... I'm just sad that he has to be here, is all.

I admit, sitting at the park on Saturday, seeing Fetus' name come up beside the score for Cleveland made me a little misty eyed. I'm sure Manny Delcarmen was misty eyed right along with me. Poor guy. His sadness made him give up two runs on Sunday (or so I heard). I didn't see a second of the game on Sunday, as I was stuck on the god forsaken George Washington Bridge until... oh, just about 20 minutes ago. What the hell?! I haven't been over that bridge in years, and now I remember why I always avoid it like the plague. I moved two miles in forty minutes. I wanted to jump off the goddamned bridge. What the hell, New York?!

So, I hear we scored 18 runs? Awesome. Think we can keep it up against Garza tomorrow? I hope so!

Four Days Off: Killing All Momentum

Welcome back from the hideously long and stupid All Star Break, everyone! What a way to completely zap the momentum we had going. We roar into the break, building up a three game lead in our division and winning our final series with one hell of a badass performance by our ace, and then we whimper our way out of Toronto, losing only our third series since, what, May? I can't be too annoyed about it. Jon Lester may not have been sharp, but he was good. Roy Halladay, well, he was just better. It didn't hurt that our guys looked like they had left their bats at home somewhere. Maybe the equipment manager will find them before the game tonight. Wait... is there a game tonight?! Oh my God, I forgot the schedule!

Yeah. There's a game tonight. Smoltz vs. Millwood. This makes me sad, because our guys have tremendous trouble with Millwood. Well, the former Red Sox did. I don't know how this specific collection of ballplayers will do against him. Hopefully better than they did against Halladay, which shouldn't be too hard because Millwood is not Halladay.

Unfortunately, I didn't see the game on Friday, and I didn't see the game on Saturday. I didn't enjoy the game yesterday, and I won't be seeing the game tonight. It's essentially eight days without any good, meaningful baseball. It's killing me. But I'll be seeing Green Day tonight, and well, sometimes you HAVE to prioritize other things over baseball or you spend your entire summer on the couch. Lucky for me, after July, 90% of my summer vacations will revolve around baseball. It'll be nice to get away for a while to see some good old baseball. Yay baseball!

I'm assuming Smoltz will do well, because I want him to. Isn't that enough incentive for these guys? Making ME happy? No? Hmm... that seems like a big problem for me.

I'm sure I could find positives out of last night's game if I wanted to, I just don't feel that it went so bad as to need the positive reinforcement. Though I am annoyed that we're only a game ahead of the Yankees again. That irks me. Stop giving them hope!

John Smoltz: Please Plan On Buttering Up the Bullpen

If anyone could explain to me what John Smoltz did to so deeply upset each member of our bullpen, I would much appreciate it. In his last two starts, at Baltimore and vs. Kansas City, the usually reliable bullpen has given up 18 runs. No, you didn't read that incorrectly. I did write 18. That would be 10 against the AL east cellar dwellers, and 9 against a Royals team that is 11.5 games out of 1st in a (currently) soft division. If it weren't for how awful the Indians have been this season, they'd also be cellar dwellers. Sad.

Smoltz, for what it's worth, did pitch well. Five innings isn't a long outing, I know, but I think that once he gets his stamina back up, we'll be seeing him go 7 or more. He's John Smoltz, after all. So he's making the 'pen work. Could that be what's gotten them all so uppity. Oh no, they have to cover four innings! GASP! I know, I'm being unusually mean to the pirates in the pen, but I still love them. They just really really REALLY need these next four days off to relax and put some ice on those swollen ERAs.

The game as a whole... just wow. I don't even know what to write that can cover it. First of all, the team lines were as follows: KC: 9 13 3, BOS 15 12 1. We got outhit. Again. By Kansas City. Really! I know, I didn't believe it either. Hey, a win is still a win, right? Strangely enough, just like Lester, Smoltz only allowed one hit. Our bullpen gave up 12 in 4 innings. Ouch. More ice, please.

JD Drew made a great throw from right to nail Miguel Olivo at home. Seriously, it was a gorgeous throw, right to Tek's waiting glove. Tek, for his part, stretched out like a first baseman for the force play. Had the ball gotten by JD, poor Smoltz would have been out of luck again. But he charged it, gloved it, and threw a perfect cannonball home. He has got an arm when he wants to. The only thing troubling about finding out how good these guys are is when they're not performing the way you know they can. Now that I've seen JD throw that well, I expect full effort every time. More outfield assists, David!

We had home runs from Tek and Papi, and a pair of dingers from Youk. Offense from all over the bloody place. Aaron Bates got his first major league hit and RBI.... the ball from which he sent straight to his mother. You can't tell me that isn't adorable. Ok, I'll admit, to this point I've only seen about three innings of this game, so I can't really comment. I was in Pawtucket watching poor Charlie Zink get a beating while the game was recording on my TiVo at home. I got home and watched a few innings, but the rest of my report is based on box scores.

Pawtucket did not fare well. They ended up losing 8-7. Charlie was hammered in the first few innings, giving up 3 in the 1st, 4 in the 2nd and 1 in the 3rd before settling down for a bit. Dusty Brown had a bad day at the plate. Jed Lowrie was looking pretty good though, and Chris Carter had a nice home run to cut Syracuse's lead a little. They came up just short. Thus is the magic of the knuckleball.... you just never know what it's going to do. So I guess I will have to wait until I finish watching the game to give my full opinion.

Who am I kidding? I know that's not going to happen. It was a win. It was an ugly win, but a win nonetheless. And the PawSox will get the next time!

John Smoltz: Wasn't Gonna Win No Matter What

When your offense musters up two hits (HITS, not RUNS), you're not going to win a game. My thought in these situations is that I don't care how many runs we give up. Honestly, I don't. Yeah, during the game I was annoyed that the A's kept piling on and we weren't getting anything back, but once the horrorshow is over and I can look back on it as a whole, I find myself caring less and less about the five they put up and more about the zero we put up.

Smoltz was a little flat, but it doesn't matter. He wasn't going to win. You can't win if your team scores no runs. He'll get them next time. Though he does seem to be running into some pretty crappy luck lately...

This team looks tired. It really does. The All-Star break can't come soon enough, apparently. Or maybe they're just not used to playing on Mondays any more. We had a bunch of off-days on Mondays in June. Could be that it's just too hard to get out of off day mode now.

My first thought about Munchkin not being in the lineup last night for family reasons was that his wife had gone into labor. The last time she was on TV, she was looking a little pregnant. My super sincere apologies to Kelli Pedroia if she was in fact NOT pregnant, but she looked it. So, I hope that the family leave was for good news and not bad news. It's kind of weird to even think about the fact that Munchkin could realistically be a dad. He's a little kid in my mind.

I'm not about to get worked up over this game. No point. I guess I'll just chalk it up to an understaffed, tired team that ran into a pretty good pitcher during one of their collective bad days. That's gotta be it.

UPDATE: Seems I was correct about Mrs. Pedroia getting ready for diaper duty. However, with around a month left to her due date, she was taken to the hospital yesterday, according to this piece by ProJo. Wishing the Pedroias well, and hoping that all is OK with Kelli and the baby. Don't worry about the Sox, Dustin. They'll be ok. Just be with your wife right now.

Last Night's Game: Bleurgh!

Pardon me while I vomit for a few seconds. Man.... that was just flat out awful. It was disgusting, and...

GAG!

OK. I think I got it out of my system for a while. It is no longer Tuesday. It is Wednesday. Do you know what happens on Wednesday if the weather behaves? That's right. We get Beckett. Being the gamer that Beckett is, don't think for a second that he has any intention of trusting our bullpen with any kind of lead. He's going nine today. Because unlike Fetus, Oki, Saito, and Paps, Beckett knows that we're facing the Orioles, and they ARE NOT A GOOD TEAM!

Not a good goddamned team at all! They're what, 12 games out of the division with four of the best teams in baseball in front of them?! That should have never happened. Unfortunately it did, and I am ultra-annoyed... especially because it was the Orioles. Wow, ok, I guess it wasn't completely out of my system yet. Deep breath... we're ok. It was a blip. You're not going to see our awesome bullpen give up ten runs every night.

But, because that was such a horrendous game that we need some kind of sugar coating to make it easier to swallow.... some positives from last night! Check me out, I'm gonna give you reasons to not be angry.

Positive number ONE! Did you see Smoltz? Did you see him?! He was great. I know, it was the Orioles, and I can't emphasize enough how bad of a team I think they are (because they're a bad team... who just happened to kick some serious Sox butt last night), but he was fantastic. He's going to get better as he gets stronger and more comfortable on a big league mound again. This, above all else should be a big smile-inducing point for everyone except Clay Buchholz. Don't worry, Clay, there's always next year to make the big club.

Positive number TWO! Our offense scored ten runs. We were having some issues with scoring runs in the last couple of games, in case you weren't aware, but they pulled their act together and managed to string together hits and home runs and general awesomeness. Who doesn't like to see that?

Positive number THREE! Manny Delcarmen didn't give up a run. He even got more outs than baserunners (2 outs, 1 baserunner)... whereas the same cannot be said for some of our other relievers. So MDC was the shining star of the black-hole of a bullpen we had last night. Way to go, Manny!

Positive number FOUR! Did you know 'Tek is now batting .238 with 11 home runs? Did you expect even this from Tek this year? Neither did I, and I love the guy. So take that however you want it, because I am happy with Tek.

Positive number FIVE! We have two players batting over .300 and Jacoby Ellsbury is one of them! No way, right? Really. He's at .303. Color me impressed.... actually now that I think about it, I don't really understand that saying. What color is 'impressed' anyway? How will I even know the color of impressed will match my outfit. Let's just leave me the color I am, and say that I'm happy with Jacoby.

Positive number SIX! Munchkin stole a base! Actually, for the season, he's stolen 14. Dig it, Munchkin can run. Is there anything he can't do? I don't know... he might not be able to reach the high shelves, but that's why we have Fetus. That's why we have him, right? Cause he's tall?

Obviously I'm kidding. I love Fetus. Which leads me to positive number SEVEN! Fetus' 5th and 6th innings were terrific. I guess we have learned that he is a two inning sort of guy, right? Since the 7th inning last night was by far as bad as I've ever seen from him, we can believe that there's no where for him to go but up, right? Right.

Speaking of going up... positive number EIGHT! Jeff Bailey. Making good use of his time in the big leagues. Way to go, Bails.

Positive number NINE!.... uh.... hmm. No one got hurt? This is starting to get difficult.

So, I'm going to end it with this... positive number TEN! We're still in first place in our division. Beat that, everyone else in the AL East.

Lester: A Return to the Awesome

Yes, I'll slap myself the hardest if this post proves to jinx Jon, but damn if I'm not impressed. All those issues between Joshua and Jonathan early in the year? Do you remember them? They seem so far away these days. I can't even think of a phrase disgustingly sweet and mushy enough to describe my love for these two.

Back when Johnny was just a rookie and he routinely loaded the bases and worked his way out of it (who remembers that?), I would tell people that he's a good pitcher and that we shouldn't trade him. Most people thought I was retarded. Well, I can honestly say that I feel vindicated now. In your FACE everyone who doubted me and/or Jon!

I may be one of five people in existence who wasn't surprised or saddended by John Smoltz's not-so-stellar performance last week. I wrote it myself - I have no expectations for the guy. I don't care what team he was facing. In case people didn't know, the Nats actually have some good hitters. It's generally their pitching that lets them down, so maybe we should rag on our hitters instead of our future Hall of Fame super amazing starter/closer who was just returning from a year's worth of arm trouble. Or we can all just chalk it up to a bad game and be genuinely excited for his start tonight!

That's right. They're gonna let him pitch again. And why not? He's bound to be better than Dice-K, yes?

However, I do want to give a shout-out to our resident dyslexic, David Jonathan "JD" Drew for his near-cycle feat last night. I don't even remember if I've ever watched anyone hit for the cycle... I'm sure that's the kind of thing I'd remember, so I guess I haven't... but it seems like it would be awfully fun.

I was so ambitious at the beginning of June to get a lot of entries written. Oh well, I guess I failed. Maybe July will be better but I wouldn't count on it.

Nick Green: Should Have Made that Play

I'm kidding, of course, as I much prefer Captain Planet to not be seriously maimed. Scary moment there, though. Just imagine if the bat had hit him as hard as it hit the ground. He could have gotten seriously hurt. As I'm sure everyone else is thinking... something needs to be done about these bats.

Anyway. It's been a while. How are you folks doing? I'm alright, thanks. Been busy. You know how it is.

So Papi got his 1,000 career RBI last night. It came on a 3-run home run. That's right, a home run outside of Fenway. It's a glorious thing, for sure. It put a smile on my face anyway. You know what came after that? Of course you do, because you watch the Sox... and if you don't, you wouldn't be reading this. Yes, Jason Varitek followed up with his own 2-run shot... not RIGHT after, but after nonetheless. Despite his offensive struggles in the month of June and his sore shoulder, (to steal one of Eck's phrases) he knew what to do with one of Stammen's pitches. Awesome.

So Jon Lester gets the win. He SHOULD be over .500 right now, but he ended up with a tough-luck loss against the Marlins, and a no-decision against the Phillies after an incredibly pitched game. He didn't pitch his best last night, but he deserved the win, and I'm happy he got it. The once seizure-inducing ERA has fallen to a very average 4.67. In the last month, he's really taken great strides to bring himself back to where he was last year. Do you remember how awesome Jon was last year? He was amazing when we really needed him to be. He was the bona fide ace of the staff last year, and he pitched his heart out. He's got a long way to go to get that ERA back down under 4, but I think he can do it if he really tries. Josh Beckett did.

Beckett... he's another blog for another time. I was going to write one about his performance against D-Lowe on Saturday, but what can I even say about it? Everything was working for him. He was dominant. It was gorgeous. Nine innings of pure, calm brilliance from our once-and-current ace. Joshua, I've gathered, enjoys being on the quiet side of a very hyped pitching match up. All people wanted to talk about was Lowe. Almost like when all people wanted to talk about was Pedro. Beckett was on the quiet side of both of those matchups, and dear God did his pitching speak volumes both times. So, please... neglect to hype up the Commander. It only makes his desire to win more intense. What else can I say about him? I'm at a loss for words.

I'm hoping his next start leaves me at a similar loss for words. Actually, I'm hoping John Smoltz's start tonight will leave me at a loss for words. Let that soak in for just a second. John Smoltz is starting for the Red Sox tonight.

John.

Smoltz.

Red Sox.

Tonight.

It's beyond awesome to me to be able to say that. I don't hold any delusions of what he's going to bring. He's a 42 year old pitcher with a surgically repaired shoulder who hasn't seen a major league hitter in over a year. The AL is generally much harder on pitchers than the NL. He's not going to be the same pitcher he used to be. Despite all that... despite all of the reasons I have to not be overly excited about it, I'm just beyond thrilled to see him in a Red Sox uniform. The best part is, we don't really need him to be at his best. We've got enough talent to cover him if he struggles. We can just be excited that a future hall of famer is putting on a Red Sox uniform and pitching for us. I'm excited. I've always wanted to see Smoltz as a Red Sox and now I am getting my wish. No matter what we get from him, it's all just gravy. You know I'll be watching.

And really, can't we think of a better nickname for the guy than Smoltzie?

Jon Van Every: Putting the "Van" in "Vantastic"

He definitely was pretty Vantastic last night. Hitting, catching, RBI'ing... how can you possibly ask for more? I am continuously impressed with our farm system. Really, how cna you not be? These guys really want to be in the show, and they're working so hard to prove they belong here. It's incredible to realize that a large percentage of our roster could right now be replaced with minor leaguers who want their shot, and we would still probably win games. Lots of games.

I need Van Every to continue doing really well, because I really like saying he was Vantastic. It just rolls right off the tongue.... and coming up with a nickname that can fit 'van' or 'every' and still has negative connotations isn't happening, so he's just going to have to continue to play really well.

Jon LESTER, on the other hand, didn't really look so good. Five runs in six innings isn't the kind of quality start we need from him or his right-handed twin Josh. One or both of them needs to step up and be dominating, because watching them flounder at the same time is annoying. Don't get me wrong, Jon had an ok start against the Yankees, and Josh... well, he pitched against the Yankees. That's about the best I can do for him. When are either of them going to realize that the season already started and they need to be the good versions of themselves consistently? I hope it happens soon. I'd like to see them both get into a rhythm. With a starting rotation that looks as good on paper as ours does, no one would expect that Tim Wakefield would be the best pitcher we have. So, here's to hoping that this was the last mediocre start that Lester makes for the season.

Mike Lowell has grounded into 8 double plays this year. He leads the majors in double plays. Dustin Pedroia is second to him with 5, and Jacoby Ellsbury is a close third with four. I'm really focused on these double plays. They really bother me! Mike has grounded into 145 DP's in his 12 year career, which means that 5% of his career DP's have come in this month alone. This disturbs me. How the heck is this guy batting over .300? He's so busy GIDP'ing! I love Mikey though. Funny thing is that he has the exact same amount of doubles on the season as he does DP's... so he's either getting two, or taking two away. My guess, without looking at any pitch data is that when he pulls the ball, he gets his doubles, and when he tries to drive it to the opposite field, he ends up with a double play. But who knows?

John Smoltz has had a minor setback, and it expected to be delayed by a couple of weeks. I still retain hope that he'll pitch on June 19th...

Josh tonight vs. the spitting machine. Let's hope for '07 JPB instead of '08 JPB. Ok? Good.

John Smoltz: Car Mechanic.

Listen, I haven't been getting much sleep these days, so the sleep I do get is welcomed... even when it's filled with wacky dreams of pitchers I technically haven't even seen yet. (I don't count it unless I've seen them pitch live)

I had one of those mornings where I woke up knowing that I dreamt something about baseball, and then immediately forgot it. I spent the first few hours of my day slowly piecing together the fragments of my dream out of curiosity when it finally came back together for me. I was in some kind of grocery store/pharmacy... probably Stop and Shop... and I was arguing with an old coworker of mine. He was telling me his car was damaged beyond all hope. I was arguing that he just needs to take it to the right mechanic. I started walking away from him when John Smoltz comes into the store and tells my coworker that the car was fixed.

In my dream, I was shocked, and started questioning Mr. Smoltz about how he did that. He told me that he's got a lot of tricks up his sleeve, or something along that idea. I walked away from him and woke up. I don't know... I sort of feel that this was a good omen for the season, dreaming about John Smoltz and all.

I got a strange email from the Red Sox yesterday saying something like "Congratulations! You can buy Green Monster seats!"... I've never seen anything like this before in my years as a fan. I have NEVER 'won' one of their raffles, so I'm just assuming this is a figment of my imagination. But seriously, are you kidding me? $160 a seat to sit behind the left fielder? Really? I'll take four $30 standing room only seats... Trying to count out the days on the schedule to see if I can't trick my luck into giving me a Beckett game...

When this week is over, I'll be a happy girl. I've never had to log so many hours at work in my life (yet here I am, messing around with my blog!). Stocking up on rum for Friday night...

Truck Day: It's My Favorite Day

It's not, really, but the whole idea of it finally being here makes me happy.

I was so preoccupied by scooping up more Sox tickets last night that I forgot to buy my Slipknot tickets, and now the show is sold out. Oh well, guess I'll miss out. I've seen them plenty of times though. They generally sing the same things. The charm of baseball games is that you never know who will end up pitching. It's awesome, really. I wonder if I could calculate my starting pitchers yet. That's one of my favorite games... predicting the pitcher, even though it only works out about 20% of the time (changes due to rainouts, postponements, injuries, ect obviously can't be calculated perfectly in advance).

Assuming that the rotation is Commander, Binky, Daisuke, Timothy, and Penny/Smoltz, and assuming that Commander starts the home opener, my hopeful starting pitchers will go like this:

-April 8 - Binky
-April 21 - Wakefield
-June 19 - Binky
-July 4 - Penny/Smoltz
-August 1 - Daisuke
-Sept 4 - Wakefield
-Sept 13 - Binky

So, I'm on track to see my boy Johnny 3 times, and Timothy twice. I need to start planning now to catch a Beckett start. I'm not going a whole season without seeing Beckett again. Not happening. Of course, this is all just speculation. Josh might not be the home opening pitcher (though I really can't imagine that our ace wouldn't be...) and then my entire schedule will get thrown off. It's fun and exciting, though, to try to figure out who I will see. I'm hoping to pick up a few more tix over the course of the season. Hell, I might even wait outside of Fenway one day if I know Josh is pitching. I WILL see Josh pitch this year. Live. In Person. It will happen, and he damn well better win. It's an odd year. But, I seem to have a nice mix of pitchers already.

But yeah! Truck day! Spring training! I'm excited.

Smoltz and Baldelli: The Targets of "Sources"

I don't know who these "sources" are, but they are claiming that both John Smoltz and Rocco Baldelli are nearing contract agreements with my beloved BoSox.

Can Baldelli catch? I'm not too sure about that. Kidding aside, if these deals go through, I'll be happy. I not-so-secretly was hoping that John Smoltz would come here. I've had great respect for him throughout his career and would love to see what he could do in Boston. Granted, he would be the sixth starter on a team with fairly good pitching depth (we can always spot start Fetus, or bring up Dahmer, or even Bowden... ). Rumor has is that the Sox are offering him one year, $5.5 million. I feel that's pretty fair for a veteran coming off of shoulder surgery.

As for Baldelli, I liked him in Tampa, even with his limited playing time in the last few years. I don't know much about his mitochondrial disorder, but obviously our GM is confident that it won't be much of a problem.

I do hope these signings work out, because these are two of the guys I kind of hoped we would sign. I guess I'll have to stop picking on Theo for a while if he gets it done.

In other news: Steroid Monkey and his personal steroid trainer are headed back to Oakland.
-JC Romero was suspended 50 games for a positive banned substance test. He denies that he did anything wrong. I actually liked Romero during his time with us, so I'm sort of disappointed on this one...
-Phillies signed Chan Ho Park to a one year deal
-The Brewers, according to "source" are looking to be in line to land Trevor Hoffman. Didn't they already have a closer last year who blew a bunch of saves? What was his name?....
-Carl Pavano signed with the Indians. I think the Indians also signed Kerry Wood a while back. They also got Mark DeRosa from the Cubs. I'm not sure that any of these moves improves them significantly.

Just for the hell of it, I was reading this blog a little while ago. I couldn't tell whether to laugh or shake my head sadly. Specifically this line "It's time for Pettitte to live up to his reputation of being one of the few good, and honest people in sports."

... seriously? This guy is an admitted cheater. Just because he fessed up ONCE HE WAS CAUGHT doesn't make him a good, honest guy. It makes him just like any other player who tried to get ahead the wrong way. What has he done that makes him so good and honest? And why should he care if the Yankees want him to accept their little 10 million dollar offer if he thinks he can get more elsewhere. Loyalty has proven to be a bad move for players. Baseball is a business. Everyone knows that. Pettitte doesn't owe the Yankees anything, and people who think he does are just as delusional as the Steinbrenners.

This blog makes the following points: The Yankees were loyal to Pettitte... except in 2003 when he was looking to re-sign with them. They supported him after he got caught cheating by giving him a few days off. Pettitte can only continue being a good and honest man if he takes a six million dollar pay cut. Andy OWES it to the team (who, as you remember, are loyal to him when it's convenient for them) to take their offer. Incredible. I... I don't even know what else to say about this. I feel sort of sad for the person who wrote it, because it's obvious that he's been brainwashed. NO player owes a team anything after their contract has expired. I don't even like Pettitte and I'm here defending him. This is ridiculous. I'm going to stop now.

That's all for right now. It's still early in the morning. Maybe more will happen towards the afternoon.

WE STILL NEED A CATCHER.