How Grand!: Sox Find Their Bats

In a completely unexpected turn of events, last night, the Red Sox discovered that (contrary to their prior belief) they ARE allowed to hit the round, white thing that the other team kept throwing at them. Perhaps the ever-fantastic Rocco Baldelli was kind enough to say "hey, guys, it's cool if you hit the baseball. You're supposed to do that!" Or maybe the equally fantastic Carlos Pena passed a note over to the home team's dugout with the words "see ball, hit ball." I don't know. I just wanted an excuse to mention both Pena and Baldelli, because I adore both of them.

More likely, it was the fact that Jeff Neimann has struggled mightily since coming back from the disabled list a few weeks ago, and the Sox were finally able to take advantage of a struggling pitcher. I can't say that before this game, they had been completely inept at the plate. Saturday, sure. They were inept. Sunday, they scored five runs. On a day when Beckett is pitching and Pap is closing, five runs generally gives you the win. Well, just to make sure, the Sox decided to score twelve yesterday. I really hope that they didn't just use up all their offense for the week.

After the first two innings, I was pretty confident that the game wouldn't end before I had to be at work this morning. Luckily, the pace did pick up eventually. I think between the first two innings, there were something like 100 pitches thrown. Our first runs came on a giant 2-run shot by Papi and a solo shot by Beltre (and yes, Victor DID rub his head afterward). After putting up three in the first and second each, the Sox piled on with five more in the fourth, four of which came on Ryan Kalish's grand slam. Man, I love the itty bitty baby Sox. They've kept us alive this year.

Lester threw a bunch of pitches and was done after six, but he was actually pretty damn good, striking out ten and only allowing 2 runs (one in the first and one in the third), and subsequently picking up his 16th win. Nice to see the 'ace' version of him come up big when we need him. Sure, we're all but dead in the water, but isn't it more fun to keep things interesting? We may not make it far, but there's no point in not trying. Our PawSox relief corp had a bit of a rough time, giving up three runs, but were good enough to hold the win. Oki closed it out, and looked good doing so, which is nice for a change. Everything clicked yesterday. I wonder if they can keep it up or if we're going to go back to spotty defense and anemic offense. Based on the pattern of the season, I think I know which I should EXPECT, but I'm hoping for the opposite. Dice-K on the mound tonight. I'll keep one eye open.

Also, in case I haven't mentioned the awesomeness of Mikey lately... the man is playing with a broken rib, because he knows we need him to. Awesomeness or badassery? Perhaps both. I do love that man.

Josh Beckett: Making Me Daydream Since '06

A letter to Mother Nature.

Dear Mother Nature, after a long, cold, awful winter, we finally get to Opening Day... and it rains. Ha ha, Mother Nature. Very funny. But for real this time, don't pull that crap again, please. I've been daydreaming about opening day for months. I've been good this year, I deserve sunshine and green grass and a big angry Texan screaming obscenities from the mound.

Now, it may be nothing to you. Perhaps you don't care about baseball? I will refrain from accusing you of being completely un-American, because I'm pretty sure a character such as yourself is loyal to no country, never mind my country. Yes, in the same way I curse your name here in America, I'm sure there are plenty of Australians, and Guatemalans, and Japanese folks swearing you down every now and then. Since your allegiances, if any, are ambiguous, I want to let you in on a very poorly kept secret. Here in Boston, we live baseball... usually Red Sox baseball, but I have seen a few Yankee fans floating around, as well as the occasional A's fan. But to deprive us of baseball for even one more day? Well that's just not nice . It really made me sad. I mean, there I was... minding my own busines, straightening out the Red Sox pictures on my cubicle wall and eyeing the clock anxiously when I got the word that the game was postponed. And just for the record, that rain yesterday? That was a bitch to drive in, and I definitely did not appreciate it. Why is it that when it's pouring, trucks feel the need to speed up just enough to cut me off and spew road water all over my windshield, making it even HARDER to see? Anyway. Back to my point... where was I? Oh yeah.

Mother Nature, I beg you... look into that Red Sox dugout. Look straight at Munchkin. He's been waiting MONTHS to show someone up. Look at the way Jacoby is pacing around... those legs are dying to steal a base. Check out the look in Mikey and Papi's eyes. They're beyond anxious to get their bounce-back year into action already. They're both tired of the rumors that they can't cut it any more. Look at Varitek, flipping through his personal scouting reports on the Rays. His pride is still hurt, and nothing cures that better than a high batting average and a ton of runs batted in. Look at Rocco, who wants nothing more than to get his promising career on track now that he's got a new diagnosis and a little more hope for himself. He's home here in Boston. We want to welcome him right. Can you imagine the butterflies in poor George Kottaras' stomach? He's got to handle the knuckleball in front of 36,000 people. I know the rain delay doesn't really affect him, but the sooner we get the season started, the sooner he can get that first start out of the way. And JayBay! Despite that calm, cool exterior, he is itching to get his first full season with this team and city that embraced him so thoroughly just months ago underway. Check out Johnny Lester. He went from being a question mark to an ace, and he can't further solidify that status unless the season gets started. Now look at Joshua. That fire in his eyes is raging again. He's healthy, he's strong, and he's ready. Let them get it rolling again.

So, Mother Nature, please have a serious talk with your buddy Bud Selig, and plan Red Sox opening day a little bit better next year. As for this year, I am beyond ready for a rain-free game and those two magical words that make an entire cold off-season feel like a dream: play ball!

Thank you.

-

On a completely related side note, I'll be starting the season off right by getting to see Jon in my first game of '09. It's only proper, considering that he was practically the only pitcher I saw in '08. Good luck this afternoon, Joshua. You KNOW I'm rushing home after work to see the game (I TiVo'ed it just in case of traffic). I'll be cheering for you tomorrow, Johnny. Hopefully I'll have pictures.

Oh, and isn't it wonderful to see Sabathia lose? I don't know how many more times we'll be seeing that this season, but I'll cherish it now.

Rocco Baldellli: Red Sox Fan Favorite

It's true. The guy hasn't even suited up for one game with us yet, and everybody loves him. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that people loved him before he signed with us. I'm no different. Rocco won me over, and I'm excited to see what he'll do for us.

But what he did for the Rays fans, who theoretically didn't really exist before last season, was ridiculous. It was ridiculous in the sense that it comes off as so perfectly genuine that I cannot believe there could be a baseball fan anywhere on Earth who doesn't like Rocco. Seriously, how much more humble and classy can this guy get? A hand-written note? It brings a little tear to my eye. He hasn't played a single game for us yet, but I can almost guarantee that the results of his gameplay won't matter. People are just going to like him.

Oh Jason... don't you think it would be a wise move on your part to... I don't know... shut up? Don't take this the wrong way. As I continue to state over and over, I adore you. I do. But claiming that you didn't know how that whole draft pick thing works... it doesn't make you look good. Why not blame Satan? He's being paid millions of dollars to look like the bad guy, you might as well let him look like the idiot too.

I think Jason suddenly came to the realization that no one on Earth was going to give him a raise. No one would give him a four year contract. He's an offensive liability with a slimeball agent, and no GM in their right mind was going to give in. 'Tek must have looked up one day and realized that spring training is getting closer and closer and his options were getting smaller and smaller. Does he have any options left besides going back to the Sox? I'm not sure that he does. And as stupid as he's making himself sound, I believe Jason is a smart man. Groveling and pleading is the way to go, Tek, not lying. Lying just makes you look worse. Fess up. Say you believed Satan when he said the market for you was huge. Admit that he promised a giant contract and dollar bills flashed in your eyes. It's almost better to be delusional than idiotic.

When is spring training?

Gabe Kapler: Another One for the Bad Guys

No matter how long they are known as the Rays, the Devil will always be implied.

Gabe Kapler apparently couldn't find a better market for himself, so he settled for signing a one-one contract. Maybe he sees the Rays as a perennial contender, what with their young pitching and manager with Weezer glasses. I don't know. I'm happy that Gabe has a job, and happier that we'll be seeing him many times over the course of the season. I'm just not happy that he's playing for them. Them. The (Devil) Rays.

Is this the Rays' retribution against us for having signed Rocco Baldelli? They want to steal one of our own? One of the 25?! It's not right. Sigh. Not like I'll hold it against Gabe or anything. How could I ever stay mad at him? It's not like he signed with the Yankees.

In other news:
-Mike Sciocia signed a ten year extension with the Angels.
-the Grand Jury is looking into a perjury case against good old Billy Boy Clemens. Honestly, I like seeing Roger embarassed as much as anyone else, but let's stop wasting all this goddamned money on him. We all know he lied. We also all know he'll never see the inside of a jail cell, so what's the point? He can't possibly be embarrased any further. He's about as low as anyone can be right now.
-The Brewers avoided arbitration with J.J. Hardy by inking him to a one-year $4.6 million deal. J.J. Hardy is one of those guys I really wish Theo would pick up. He's not the absolute best short stop in the world, but still. Better than POS.
-According to the Globe, the Sox are intending to approach Kazerud about a contract extention. I don't know what Theo would want with him. He's not old or injured...

Glad that the Hot Stove is finally warm instead of cold...

In the Not-So-Smiley Section

Apparently, I'm the last to know. I'm ok with being the last to know, but I'm not ok with what I'm knowing.

Charlie Zink has been designated for assignment. (the article is really about Baldelli, but if you look really close in the middle, it mentions that Charlie got the boot)

Now, I KNOW that it had to be done in order to get Rocco a roster spot, and the chances of us needing another knuckleball pitcher this year are incredibly slim. Hell, it doesn't seem like Timmy Wonderpitches is going anywhere fast, so Charlie would basically be sitting around in Pawtucker, wondering if his one shot in the majors would be his only shot in the majors.

His one performace was admittedly not good, but that's the mystery of the knuckleball. He could have come out the next time around and pitched a shut out. He still may, just not with the Red Sox. I wish Charlie the best of luck, and I'm sorry it had to end this way for him. Go kick some ass, Charlie (just not ours)!

Smoltz and Baldelli: The Targets of "Sources"

I don't know who these "sources" are, but they are claiming that both John Smoltz and Rocco Baldelli are nearing contract agreements with my beloved BoSox.

Can Baldelli catch? I'm not too sure about that. Kidding aside, if these deals go through, I'll be happy. I not-so-secretly was hoping that John Smoltz would come here. I've had great respect for him throughout his career and would love to see what he could do in Boston. Granted, he would be the sixth starter on a team with fairly good pitching depth (we can always spot start Fetus, or bring up Dahmer, or even Bowden... ). Rumor has is that the Sox are offering him one year, $5.5 million. I feel that's pretty fair for a veteran coming off of shoulder surgery.

As for Baldelli, I liked him in Tampa, even with his limited playing time in the last few years. I don't know much about his mitochondrial disorder, but obviously our GM is confident that it won't be much of a problem.

I do hope these signings work out, because these are two of the guys I kind of hoped we would sign. I guess I'll have to stop picking on Theo for a while if he gets it done.

In other news: Steroid Monkey and his personal steroid trainer are headed back to Oakland.
-JC Romero was suspended 50 games for a positive banned substance test. He denies that he did anything wrong. I actually liked Romero during his time with us, so I'm sort of disappointed on this one...
-Phillies signed Chan Ho Park to a one year deal
-The Brewers, according to "source" are looking to be in line to land Trevor Hoffman. Didn't they already have a closer last year who blew a bunch of saves? What was his name?....
-Carl Pavano signed with the Indians. I think the Indians also signed Kerry Wood a while back. They also got Mark DeRosa from the Cubs. I'm not sure that any of these moves improves them significantly.

Just for the hell of it, I was reading this blog a little while ago. I couldn't tell whether to laugh or shake my head sadly. Specifically this line "It's time for Pettitte to live up to his reputation of being one of the few good, and honest people in sports."

... seriously? This guy is an admitted cheater. Just because he fessed up ONCE HE WAS CAUGHT doesn't make him a good, honest guy. It makes him just like any other player who tried to get ahead the wrong way. What has he done that makes him so good and honest? And why should he care if the Yankees want him to accept their little 10 million dollar offer if he thinks he can get more elsewhere. Loyalty has proven to be a bad move for players. Baseball is a business. Everyone knows that. Pettitte doesn't owe the Yankees anything, and people who think he does are just as delusional as the Steinbrenners.

This blog makes the following points: The Yankees were loyal to Pettitte... except in 2003 when he was looking to re-sign with them. They supported him after he got caught cheating by giving him a few days off. Pettitte can only continue being a good and honest man if he takes a six million dollar pay cut. Andy OWES it to the team (who, as you remember, are loyal to him when it's convenient for them) to take their offer. Incredible. I... I don't even know what else to say about this. I feel sort of sad for the person who wrote it, because it's obvious that he's been brainwashed. NO player owes a team anything after their contract has expired. I don't even like Pettitte and I'm here defending him. This is ridiculous. I'm going to stop now.

That's all for right now. It's still early in the morning. Maybe more will happen towards the afternoon.

WE STILL NEED A CATCHER.