ABSOLUTE TRUTHS
Showing posts with label AIDS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AIDS. Show all posts
Fw: A Far Reaching Message In Only Five Words..
(Note: You could add Crime, Drugs, Murder to the sign too.)
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FW: 22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
Thanks to John and his "Not-A-Demo
--begin forwarded message--
Food for thought!
22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but
support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create
oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law- abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S.
nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese
and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are
less affected by documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms
driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread
by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified
to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been
outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more
important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25
million of his own money to make "The Passion of
the Christ" for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution, while
the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts
of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but
ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and
Gloria Steinem are more important to American history
than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal
and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the
truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades
displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should
be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the
best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part
of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay
to say "Merry Christmas."
Ready to vote???
Subject: How old is Grandma ?
>
>
>
>
>
> How old is Grandma???
>
> Stay with this -- the answer is at the end It will blow you away.
>
> One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current
>events.
> The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings
>at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
>
> The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
>
> ' television
>
> ' penicillin
>
> ' polio shots
>
> ' frozen foods
>
> ' Xerox
>
> ' contact lenses
>
> ' Frisbees and
>
> ' the pill
>
> There were no:
>
> ' credit cards
>
> ' laser beams or
> ' ball-point pens
>
> Man had not invented:
>
> ' pantyhose
>
> ' air conditioners
> ' dishwashers
>
> ' clothes dryers
>
> ' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
>
> ' man hadn't yet walked on the moon
>
>
> Your Grandfather and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.
>
> Every family had a father and a mother.
>
> Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
> And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a
>title, "Sir."
>
> We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare
>centers, and group therapy.
>
> Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and
>common sense.
>
> We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to
>stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
>
> Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a
>bigger privilege.
>
> We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
>
> Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
>
> Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening
>breeze started.
>
> Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and
>weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
>
> We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters,
>yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
>
> We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches
>on our radios.
>
> And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to
>Tommy Dorsey.
>
> If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.
>
> The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
>
> Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
>
> We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and
>10 cents.
>
> Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all
>a nickel.
>
> And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough
>stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
>
> You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . but who could afford one?
> Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
>
> In my day:
>
> ' "grass" was mowed,
>
> ' "coke" was a cold drink,
>
> ' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and
>
> ' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
>
> ' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
>
> ' " chip" meant a piece of wood,
>
> ' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and
>
> ' "software" wasn't even a word.
>
>
> And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a
>husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say
>there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?
>
> I bet you have this old lady in mind...you are in for a shock!
>
> Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at
>the same time.
>
>
>
>
> This Woman would be only 58 years old!
>
FW: Do You Get The Point, Pal?
Subject: FW: Do You Get The Point, Pal?
As the holidays dim from view in our rear view mirrors, my heartfelt appreciation goes out
to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
And, I don't use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I won't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I don't go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I won't answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
And, I never eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I'm not worried about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I don't have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program .
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
Have a wonderful day....
PS ~ A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with a low IQ and insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Fwd: FW: 18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL
Subject: 18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL
18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and ! transves tites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
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