MyRightWingDad.net

President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches

the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier:

"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Obama:

"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to.

I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!"

Cashier:

"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks

World's Shortest Books _________________________________ THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE  by Barack Obama ____________________________________________ MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS by  Tiger Woods ____________________________________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY   by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan Illustrated by Michael Moore ________________________________________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by  Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton ______________________________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by  Hillary Clinton _________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill  Clinton _________________ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD  by Bill Gates ____________________________________ THINGS I  WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman _______________________ THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE  by Al Gore & John Kerry _____________________________________ AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC _______________ A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian __________________________________ TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ......  by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell __________________ GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE  by Mike Tyson __________________________________ THE AMISH  PHONE DIRECTORY _______________________________________    MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson _________________________________________   HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY by Ted Kennedy _________________________________________    BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the  Rev. Jesse Jackson ******************************************************* AND, JUST ADDED: My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy by Nancy Pelosi

----- Forwarded Message ----
From:
Sent: Mon, April 19, 2010 12:13:14 AM
Subject: FW: A Must read about the Masters, A Victory For Women Everywhere

---

AUGUSTA, Ga. -- It's not often women win the Masters, but they did Sunday.

Actually, Phil Mickelson won, but for millions of women around the country, it must feel like a lipstick-sized victory. Mickelson, in case you forgot, is the guy who stayed true to his wife. He's the guy who's been missing tournaments the last 11 months while he flies her back and forth to a breast cancer specialist in Houston . He's the guy who didn't need reminding that women are not disposable.

Mani-pedis for everybody!

Also winning Sunday: karma, which proved to be alive and well. And guys who never had a temper in the first place. And endings that make you wipe your tears on the couch pillows.

Mickelson is the guy whose heavy head on the bed pillow lately wasn't self-inflicted. Both his wife, Amy, and his mother, Mary, have breast cancer. Usually, those two are at every tournament he's in, but for the last year they've been fighting, resting, and fighting again at home. And Mickelson has gone back to his rented homes alone.

So when Amy turned up on the 18th green Sunday at Augusta National for the first time in 11 months and Mickelson practically fell into her outstretched arms, you wanted to hug somebody yourself. Mickelson hugged and cried. And his wife hugged and cried. And his coach and his caddy hugged and cried. And 10 minutes later, the caddy was still crying.

"This is way beyond golf," said caddy Jim "Bones" Mackay, who's been with Mickelson for 19 years. "This is about a guy who loves his wife. This is about a guy who had a really hard year. Twenty years from now, nothing will compare with this. This is his greatest win, by far. Because of Amy, because of his mom, everything. God bless all those women that go through what Amy and Phil's mom have gone through. Because I've seen it and it ain't easy."

"Of all the majors I've been involved in," said Mickelson's coach, Butch Harmon, "be they with Tiger, Phil, anybody, this is the most emotional by far. This year has been a big, big strain on him. His game has suffered. What he really wanted was to be home with his family."

You figured a guy who came into this Masters having played only seven tournaments this year -- and never placing better than eighth in any of them -- would have a snowball's chance. But something melted in him when his wife and three kids showed up for the first time in nearly a year on Tuesday.

"He just had this peace to him that I haven't seen in awhile," said Bones.

Amy was still hurting, so she wasn't able to come to the golf course, but it was close enough. Each morning, Mickelson would take his oldest, Sophie, to a local coffee shop and play chess for an hour. At night, the whole brood would watch dumb movies. Mickelson came through that door each night after work like it was Christmas morning. You don't know how dispiriting it is to come home after a long day to a strange, empty house. Come to think of it, maybe Tiger knows.

"It's been tough," Mickelson said. "The meds that she's been taking have been very difficult and she didn't feel well and she doesn't have energy and she's not just up for a lot. But to have her here, man …"

Amy Mickelson is the kind of walking rainbow that could put a smile on a mortician's face, so when she showed up, everything started looking up. The golf gods started raining favors down on Mickelson's curly hair. On Saturday, golf balls started going into tiny little cups from great distances. Sunday, it got even better:

At 9: ball hits tree, bounces back into fairway. Par.

At 10: ball hits tree, bounces back into playable territory. Par.

At 11: ball hits fan, bounces into short, happy grass. Par.

"Got an assist there," Mickelson said.

Did the guy say anything?

"Ouch?" Mickelson guessed.

The big lefty took it from there.

At 12: looked into his "book of reads" for the 20-foot putt -- the green-studying book that Bones and he spent "days and days" putting together on a trip this year to Augusta -- and buried it. Birdie.

At 13: pulled off the most audacious, swashbuckling shot of his life at 13 -- from the right woods, off pine straw, through two trees (4 feet apart), over Rae's Creek, from 207 yards, to 3 feet. Two-putt birdie.

At 15: smashed an 8-iron from 205 yards -- yes, 8-iron to 15 feet for a 2-putt birdie.

Suddenly, the guy who'd spent a career being eaten alive by Woods had left him 5 shots behind. It was only a matter of lag for par, lag for par, 10-foot birdie and get the Kleenex ready.

"I saw Amy just before I putted," Mickelson said. "That was so great. I mean, I didn't know if she would be there. To walk off the green and share that with her is just very, very emotional. We'll remember this [for] the rest of our lives."

Contrast that with Woods, who spent the week reverting to form -- acerbic answers, sprayed swear words, and curt interviews. He finished fourth, which shows that the golf game is very close. The personality makeover, though, looks like it needs some work.

Soon enough, though, Woods will win tournaments like this, pass Nicklaus, and order will be restored in the universe. But for this one Sunday in a flower-stuffed pocket of Georgia, the good husband, the good son, the good man actually got rewarded.

Subject: Fw: PRIZE PHOTO

TRULY REMARKABLE!

I think it's truly remarkable that the press can investigate and find every woman Tiger Woods has had an affair with over the last few years; with photos, text messages, recorded phone calls, etc. They know not only the cause of the family fight, but even know it was a wedge from his golf bag that she used to break out the windows in the Escalade. Not only that, they know which wedge she used.

This is the same press—or is it—that cannot locate Obama's birth certificate, any of his college papers, financial records, or transcripts, or what passport he used when he traveled to Pakistan when travel there was prohibited for U. S. citizens.

Truly remarkable!

Ha ha ....spreading faster than swine flu.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball
400 yards.

Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of
drivers. They are said to be named Elin Woods."clubs you can beat Tiger
with."

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods'
crash. They are calling it, "Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger," or how about
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant"?

What do you buy a Tiger for Christmas?.A new windshield!

Tiger is now in trouble with his sponsor Gillette because he said that "this
was the closest shave I have had yet."

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat
Tiger.

Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the second
hole.

Tiger uses clubs to hit golf balls while his wife uses clubs to hit tigers
balls.

Just because you're the world's no. 1 golfer, it doesn't mean you can't be
beaten by your wife.