Classic....

....language warning.

This will never get old in Boston.
Posted by Painful Stupidity on Thursday, August 1, 2013

Meter Maids - Humble Public Servants?....

....or odious stains blighting the upward ascent of humanity?

Funny

Happy Reformation Day!

How very peculiar.

Steam-punk meets Rap.

Europe: An Allegory.

This is what happens when you're used to having the media protect you...

...you give your opposition all the ammunition it needs.

Apparently stung by Clint Eastwood's schtick at the RNC, Obama tweeted "this seat is taken" with this picture:

Which inspired this:

And this:

All too easy.

And, now, for something completely different.

Casabarka!

Hitler finds out that Scott Walker won the Recall Election.

Interesting but disturbing.

The Business Insider ruins our memories of childhood innocence with a bunch of explanatory paranoia about popular television and movies:

Charlie Brown is dying of cancer.

"My personal explanation for why Charlie Brown in Peanuts is bald is he's dying of cancer and dreaming up everything. In the strip nothing ever works out for him and his life is a disaster, but he's simply channeling his sadness into his dreams."

And:

The Rebecca Black song "Friday" is about the JFK assassination.

"The driver of the car he was assassinated in's name was Samuel Kickin (Kickin in the front seat, sittin in the back seat...). The assassination occured on a Friday and when he was shot the Secret Service yelled at Jackie Kennedy to "get down" (got to get down on Friday). Parts about the cold war and the spread of Communism are referenced (everybody's Russian) and to top it all off, in the hotel that morning JFK declined a breakfast of sausage, eggs and toast for a bowl of Bran Flakes instead (got to have my bowl—got to have cereal). Also, the following Monday JFK was supposed to sign a bill into law requiring all public schools to provide bus transportation for their students (got to catch my bus...)"

I'm going to check this one out next time I go to Disneyland:

In the Haunted Mansion at Disney theme parks, riders commit suicide during the course of the ride and become ghosts..

"At the beginning of the ride the ghost host (the narrator) says the only way to escape the mansion is to die, and he shows that he hanged himself. Near the end of the ride there's a moment where the ride vehicle turns around backwards and you go off a balcony, which according to this theory represents you jumping to your death.

Before this part of the ride the ghosts are all trying to scare you, but afterwards they sing excitedly and invite you to party with them. The only human character in the ride, a groundskeeper, appears after the balcony drop. He faces toward the riders and seems terrified of you."

My theory of the Teletubbies is that it takes place after a nuclear war when the artificially intelligent vacuum cleaners raise a devolved humanity for food.

Compare and Contrast.

"You've really got to stop drinking out of lead cups."




Via Mark Shea.

Practical Thomas.

Stacy Trasancos finds the scholastic approach useful in dealing with a question that plagues all parents:

“Whether it is fitting that I should be called the mother of these children?”

Objection 1: It would seem not, for mothers are wise, kind, and loving, but when I am reduced to screeching like a deranged heathen, it does not seem fitting that I should be called anyone’s mother.

Objection 2: Further, the essence of a motherhood is gentleness, guiding children in the precepts of moral life, and I often chase quarreling kids out of the kitchen with a wet towel, which is not gentle guidance, so the title of mother is not fitting.

Objection 3: It is written, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1) Obey? They don’t even listen, unless they are asking for food, money or transportation.

On the contrary: It is written (CCC 1657) that, “the father of the family, the mother, children, and all members…exercise the priesthood of the baptized in a privileged way.” Yes, this is my family, so they are my children, therefore, it is fitting that I should be called their mother.

I answer that: I know, I know. The home is where children learn first about Christian life, and by committing to “the reception of the sacraments, prayer and thanksgiving” then we will grow in virtue and charity in spite of our sinful natures. The home is the “first school of Christian life.” We have a responsibility to create a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and service are the rule. (CCC 2223)

Reply to objection 1: I am their mother in two senses. First I am their physical mother because they depend on me to nurture them. Second, I am their spiritual mother because the family is the domestic church.

Reply to objection 2: “By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them.” Alright, there are plenty of learning opportunities.

Reply to objection 3: “Whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.” (Sirach 3:6) Yes, even on the worst days I have but to hear their refreshing little prayers, and realize that truly it is only by God’s grace that is it fitting that I should be called their mother.

From the "Truth is Stranger than Fiction...

...because Fiction has to be Plausible" Department.

Lawsuit: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus.

College frat guys, naturally.

The pertinent allegations are:

8. [Defendant] was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the [Alpha Tau Omega fraternity] deck, located on the back of the ATO house.

10. [Defendant] placed a bottle rocket in his anus [and] ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in Defendant's rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.

13. Per the applicable codes ... the deck in question should have had a railing, which comported with said codes.

16. ATO owed plaintiff a duty to provide a safe deck, including a railing, and ... a duty to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one's own anus.

18. [Defendant] also owed plaintiff ... a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.

19. [Defendant] breached this duty when he both drank under age ... and attempted to fire a bottle rocket out of his anus while under the influence. The act of firing a bottle rocket, within Huntington City Limits, was also a crime.

22. Plaintiff asserts that the activity of underaged drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an "ultra-hazardous" activity which exposes both of these defendant to strict liability

Here is the pdf of the complaint if you need to put it into your form file.

Mom and Dad must be so proud.

How to win an argument - Lesson 12.
"Need to prove something you already believe? Statistics are easy: All you need are two graphs and a leading question."

Coolest Dad Ever.

From The Onion - "Cool Dad A Terrible Father":

Neighborhood parents are less complimentary. Several have complained about the beer parties that Nesmith allows his eldest son Kevin to host in his basement.

"Boys are gonna drink," Nesmith said when asked about the keg parties. "At least I know they're safe if they're right there in the basement."

Neighbors have said they suspect that Nesmith purchases alcohol for the boys.

"I don't buy Kevin and his friends beer, but I do usually have a tapped keg set up in the basement fridge," Nesmith said. "I don't see what people get so worked up about. If the kids get sick, they can spend the night here. I'm the one who has to deal with a bunch of hungover 13-year-olds."

Added Nesmith: "It's not like it's on a school night, usually."

Kevin's friend Tony Shadid said his parents are among those who complain about Nesmith.

"Mom's always yelling at us to do better in school so we don't turn out like Kevin's dad," Shadid said. "I don't know why. He doesn't look so bad to me. He's got a super-huge stereo and his own room in the basement with posters on the wall and a leather couch."

According to his children, Nesmith leaves the role of disciplinarian to his wife.

Merry Christmas

Have a Merry Star Wars Christmas.

This is your "must read" for today...

Have I ever steered you wrong?

6 Real Acts of Self-Defense too Awesome for an Action Movie.

Canon in D is pretty song ...

...unless you are a cellist.

The Internet - a virtual world inhabited by a countless number of endlessly creative people with ideas...

...that are so crazy they just might be right!

Did you know that the Star Wars epic was really a metaphor for the history of Catholism over the last 50 years?

Well, apparently, it is.  Check it out here.

This is good:

Mace Windu is a Pharisaic Catholic

Mace Windu (played by Samuel L. Jackson), the greatest hypocrite of them all, begins leading the Jedi Council down “a dark path” (as Yoda himself calls it) when he makes illicit moves against the Chancellor that oppose the very Jedi Code itself. This hypocrisy makes Anakin go crazy, considering Mace Windu is one of the strictest and most unrelenting Jedi in the Order. Like all other youths, Anakin does not stand for this blatant contradiction between creed and act, and objects, saying, “It’s not the Jedi way!” right when Windu is about to execute Palpatine without due process. But Master Windu right then is conquered by the indignant passions he had once condemned. At that point, he practically joins the Dark Side — just as conservatives and liberals ultimately end up on the same side, opposite extremes, though still at war with each other and the truth. So, after Anakin kills Windu and rescues Palpatine in an effort to uphold Jedi Code as well as his emotions for Palpatine, what is left for him? Windu proves the old Jedi are no better than the Sith, for they are both willing to bypass creed for the sake of passion, so why not be honest about it and just turn to the Dark Side?

It is because of such hypocrites like Mace Windu that the Jedi are discredited. It was because of ongoing, insensitive, repressive conservatism that many fell away from Catholicism.

All this indicates that the Jedi Order needs reform. The ease, however, with which the Sith takes over the Republic proves that the Jedi Knights were weak and in need of such reform, just as it proved the Church was in need of repair when the Liberals effectively hijacked the Council’s power in the years following it. The Church Council was the medicine, not the disease; but since the Body of Christ was so ill and weak, the medicine caused a violent reaction and became a poison of the Body. But not for long …

Darth Vader is the Spirit of Vatican II

Bet you didn't see that one coming.