So have you met Donald Trump's doctor? Well you should.

EXCLUSIVE: @realDonaldTrump doc says he picked up Trump's language in health letter & 'interpreted it into my own.' pic.twitter.com/wb3pMPmO2C

— NBC Nightly News (@NBCNightlyNews) August 26, 2016

Courtesy of NBC News: 

In his letter, Bornstein said there were no "significant medical problems" in Trump's history and that a recent examination "showed only positive results." 

"If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency," Bornstein wrote. 

Asked how he could justify the hyperbole, Bornstein said, "I like that sentence to be quite honest with you and all the rest of them are either sick or dead." 

He went on to say that the Oval Office has been occupied by presidents with dementia or tumors or even men who were "paranoid" or "psychotic." 

Bornstein said that after he was asked to write the letter, he thought about what he would say all day but did not type it out until the last minute as a black car sent by Trump waited to collect it. He said he didn't even proofread it. 

The doctor said he would not normally use such over-the-top language in a letter for a patient but he made an exception for Trump — who just two weeks before had tweeted that the doctor's assessment would show "perfection."

As I have said before I have made the decision NOT to be surprised by anything we see or hear during this campaign season, but come on!

THIS is Trump's doctor?

The guy is supposedly a billionaire and yet he drops his pants for the living embodiment of Johnny Carson's fake physician Mandrake Curvy?

He literally looks like the guy who gives free prostate exams from the back of his van. 

I am pretty sure we can already assume this will be Trump's science adviser.

So far down the rabbit hole we are my friends.

Sarah Palin posts video of pool time in Arizona. Why?

So is this just a chance for Palin to show off her bikini body or does it serve some other purpose?

And is that even her?

The whole thing is just weird. 

Besides it has been hot as balls here in Alaska this summer so who feels the need to fly to an even hotter climate in order to vacation?

Seriously WTF?

P.S. Perhaps she is down there in yet another attempt to sell that house of hers which has now been up for sale on Zillow for 222 days now. Watch for the price to drop yet again.

Well look who finally responded to the birth of her granddaughter. Or did she?

Courtesy of Grandma Palin's Facebook page.

Which then linked to Brancy's page where we see this:

A sweet note from my mom…  

Oh, perfect love! The best gift ever! 

Thank you, Bristol, for your strength and good heart and your love of life. The most important people in Bristol’s life were there to witness the miracle of Sailor Grace Palin’s arrival last night. 

 Thank you for sharing the miracle with Piper, Marina, and me, Bri! And we thank Todd for taking care of the rest of the family during this most precious beginning of a great new chapter!

 - Sarah Palin

So uh, why did that note not appear on the proud Grandmother's Facebook page?

Did she actually write it, or was it ghostwritten for her by Nancy French?

And then there's this:

"The most important people in Bristol’s life were there to witness the miracle of Sailor Grace Palin’s arrival last night."

And then it lists Piper, Palin and, MARINA?

Does that sound like a dig at Dakota to anybody else?

I swear this family gets more FUBAR every single year. 

Donald Trump under fire for claiming that he saw "thousands and thousands" of Muslims in New Jersey cheering the 9-11 attacks. Spoiler alert: He didn't!

Courtesy of Business Insider:  

Donald Trump claims that "thousands" of people in New Jersey were "cheering" amid the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks on US soil. 

In an interview on ABC's "This Week" on Sunday, Trump doubled down on his assertion that he saw people in New Jersey — where the real-estate mogul claims there are "large Arab populations" — cheering as the World Trade Center came down. 

"There were people that were cheering on the other side of New Jersey, where you have large Arab populations. They were cheering as the World Trade Center came down," Trump said on Sunday. "I know it might be not politically correct for you to talk about it, but there were people cheering as that building came down — as those buildings came down. And that tells you something. It was well-covered at the time."

Well if you watched cable news yesterday you saw this "fact" refuted multiple times, by multiple sources:

Despite Trump's insistence that he saw such celebrations, political fact-checkers across the board have found little to no evidence of any public celebrations after the attacks. 

PolitiFact noted that there were several media reports of police inquiries into individuals who were suspected of celebrating the attacks in Jersey City and nearby Paterson, but there is no evidence that these investigations revealed any actual celebrations or resulted in any convictions. 

"This defies basic logic," PolitiFact's Lauren Carroll wrote in a "Pants on Fire" ruling.

When I first heard the story I immediately went to Snopes where conspiracy theories and bullshit lies are usually laid to rest.

Snopes did a deep dive, and really tried to get to the source of Trump's misinformation, which seemed to stem from early rumors after the towers fell, that turned out to be false. 

However not only does Trump seem impervious to facts, he is also demanded in apology from those calling him out on his BS.

Via @washingtonpost 9/18/01. I want an apology! Many people have tweeted that I am right! https://t.co/CpsMxs54qv pic.twitter.com/wrDEhXJlvR

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 23, 2015

You might notice that the portion which is quoted in the tweet above says the words "allegedly." That is because their was nothing to the allegations.

At this point I think we have to take notice of the fact that according to polling the three top contenders for the GOP nomination, Trump, Carson, and Cruz, are all habitual liars who seem to have a specific allergy to facts.

Not exactly good news for the Republican party.

What better time than Halloween to terrify children about death, and of course promote your religious beliefs?

Source

You know if you don't want to participate in pagan celebrations then just keep you door closed, turn of the lights, and simply pray until the joyful voices of the children finally fades away into the darkness.

Oh and you might want to rethink your Christmas celebrations as well.

According to one of the Duggars favorite pastors "sex belongs to Christians."

So this guy, John Piper, wrote this bit of brilliance on something called Charisma News: 

We might be tempted to think that, since sex is so sinfully misused and is so universally undermining to the all-satisfying beauty of Christ's holiness, maybe we Christians should have nothing to do with it. 

Paul says the opposite. It is the world that has stolen what belongs to believers. Sex belongs to Christians. Because sex belongs to God. "God created it to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth." If it is used by those who do not believe and know the truth, it is prostituted. They have exchanged the glory of God for images. They have torn sex from its God-appointed place in the orbit of marriage. But they do not know what they are doing. And the price they will pay in this life and the next is incalculable. 

The pleasures of sex are meant for believers. They are designed for their greatest expression by the children of God.

So this might come as some surprise to all of the Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, Pagans, Heathens, Atheists, animals, fish, birds, etc. in the world who apparently have been having unsanctioned by God sex for thousands of years now.

You know it's bad enough that the Christians are trying to take over politics, education, and the definition of morality in this country, but when they start trying to claim dibs on sex, then we are going to have a serious problem.

And if you think that first part was weird get a load of Pastor Piper's definition of sex:

And the pleasures of sex are themselves an overflow of God's own goodness. This pleasure is less than what we will know fully in Him at His right hand. And in it, we taste something of His very exquisiteness.

Yeah you know I have had me a whole lot of sex in my life, much of it probably illegal in some states, but at no time did I ever consider tasting God's "exquisiteness."

And I feel dirty just typing that. Plus I'm not really sure what that is.

Pastor Picked a Peck of Pickled Pipers just so you know is also one of the Duggars favorite Christian bullshit artists. In fact future reality star Jessa Duggar Seewald recently quoted him on her Facebook page.

So I would assume that Piper also provided hot piping preaching to Josh Duggar at one time or another. Which leaves me wondering if incest, child molestation, and paying porn stars for rough sex is also just for Christians.

Because if so, I'm kind of alright with that.

The Oath Keepers say that they are planning to protect anti-gay Kentucky clerk Kim Davis....from the judge. What could possibly go wrong?

Courtesy of Raw Story: 

The Oath Keepers, an armed, camouflage-wearing volunteer militia famous for hunkering down at Bundy Ranch, now say they have “boots on the ground” to protect Kentucky clerk Kim Davis, who they believe was denied her right to a jury trial. 

Davis, the elected clerk of Rowan County, has become the current celebrity of the anti-gay movement for staunchly refusing to issue marriage licenses after the Supreme Court’s Obergefell v. Hodges ruling in June legalized same-sex marriage nationwide. After defying the highest court and subsequent court orders to issue the licenses, a federal judge held her in contempt and jailed her. 

In a teleconference uploaded to YouTube, Oath Keeper founder Stewart Rhodes discussed the operation with Kentucky sheriff Denny Peyman, Missouri Oath Keeper John Karriman, and West Virginia Oath Keeper Allen Landieri. The group claimed that their new mission had nothing to do with same-sex marriage and insisted they were only offering to guard Davis because the judge had acted illegally. 

“People should consider her under our protection,” Rhodes says in the teleconference. “We’ll make sure that our people are keeping a close eye on the situation and we’re going have boots on the ground to keep watch regardless, because this judge needs to understand that he’s not going be able to just go grab this lady whenever he feels like it.”

So to be clear if the judge, an elected official of the court, sends the police, official representatives of the law, to arrest Kim Davis, an elected government official, the Oath Keepers, a bunch of overweight Rambo wannabes, are planning to stop them?

With force if necessary?

Oh this is not going to be pretty.

Jeb Bush believes that climate change will be solved by a "person in a garage somewhere."

Courtesy of the New Hampshire Union Leader: 

"I think it’s appropriate to recognize the climate is changing and invest in the proper research to find solutions over the long haul, but not be alarmist about it," Bush said. "Not say 'end is near,' not de-industrialize the country, not create barriers for higher growth, not just totally obliterate family budgets." 

Bush addressed climate as part of an interview Wednesday with the New Hampshire Union Leader. "Ultimately," he said, "there's going to be a person in a garage somewhere that's going to come up with a disruptive technology that's going to solve these problems and I think markets need to be respected in this regard."

Okay somebody remind me, why did we think Jeb was the smart brother again?

Baptist preachers go wild!

(Do not, repeat do not, have a mouthful of coffee while watching this video.

Courtesy of Raw Story:  

Baptist pastors ranted, whooped, and stormed across the pulpit before a cheering crowd last week at a teen camp meeting. 

The event took place April 11 at Middle Tennessee Baptist Church, where the fired-up pastors bellowed gibberish and ran into the crowd, where they slapped hands with the congregation. 

Others chanted like auctioneers, danced jigs, or strutted around in exaggerated fashion, swinging their jackets over their heads.

WTF? 

Okay I admit it, I simply will never understand religion.

Not gonna happen.

Alaska fish processors have cum up with a new idea of how to spray more of their product over the face of Japan.

Courtesy of Alaska Dispatch:  

Let’s get one thing out of the way right now: This is a story about cod semen and the people who love to eat it. 

Right now, fishing boats are pulling Pacific cod from the Bering Sea and Gulf of Alaska. According to the North Pacific Fishery Management Council’s guidelines, fisherman are allowed to catch up to 325,000 tons of cod this year. 

A lot of that cod will become fish sticks or batter-fried filets. 

But many processors in Alaska also remove the sperm sacs of male cod, a seafood product called cod milt. In Japan, a high-end market exists for cod milt, which goes by the unsettling literal name shirako, or “white children.” 

Virtually unknown in the U.S. outside certain bold Epicurean circles, the male counterpart to caviar is a delicacy in Japan, where it is tempura fried, dipped in ponzu sauce or served in hot pot soup dishes typically enjoyed in winter months, according to Akiko Yakata, the Alaska Seafood Marketing Institute’s representative in Japan.

Okay seriously, will Japanese people eat ANYTHING?

Well I guess this is good news for Alaska fishermen who have been beating, and beating, and beating themselves raw trying to come up with a new idea that will utilize more of the fish that they already catch.

My only question is WHO was the first person who thought to themselves, "Gee I wonder what fish sperm tastes like?"

Because THAT guy kind of concerns me.

I am not even going to comment.

In a Facebook post Palin claims that she received this image from her mom, which of course brings up all kinds of questions about parenting in my mind:

Ha! Believe it or not I received this from... my mom! 

Gee that is hard to believe.

I will leave this one for all of you.

I am too busy fighting my gag reflex to type any more..

Colorado state representative Gordon Klingenschmitt claims that people don't need no stinking Obamacare. Not when they have God as their heavenly physician.

Courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

Gordon Klingenschmitt is excited about a recent Fox News poll that claims that 58 percent of Americans want to repeal Obamacare, declaring on his "Pray In Jesus Name" program recently that people ought to be relying on God for their healthcare. 

Citing a passage from Exodus 15, Klingenschmitt asserted that God will protect people from disease so long as they obey His commands and said that Americans "ought to look to the Lord for our healthcare." 

"I personally prefer to look to almighty God as my healer and not to the government as a substitute god or substitute healer," he said, before praying that this nation would "repent of worshiping President Obama as if he is a god." 

Here is the video:

You know it sounds to me that God was only promising not to bring the same plagues upon his people that he unleashed on the Egyptians.

Which include water to blood, a butt load of frogs, gnats or lice, swarms of flies, sick cattle, boils, thunder and hail, locusts, darkness, and death of your firstborn.

Nowhere does it claim that you will be healed of cancer, heart disease, kidney failure, or any of the actual sicknesses that modern man faces today.

So WTF is this guy even talking about?

And don't even get me started on the fact that since the Egyptians never had Jews as slaves in the first place that this entire story is based on pure unadulterated horseshit.

Good job Colorado. 

President of the Catholic League believes that secularists are unhappy and insane. Hey!

Courtesy of Right Wing Watch:  

“They believe that freedom is license to do whatever they want,” the Catholic League president explained. “They don’t want to be told anything, which is why they die prematurely, they’re unhappy, that’s why we have a disproportionate number of agnostics and atheists in the asylum, all of this is true.” 

Donohue said “secularists” have an inferior “mental health, physical health and degree of happiness,” adding: “They got to work it out, fine, I’ll help pay for their therapy, just take your hands, your mitts off the Catholics during Christmas.” 

One has to wonder just how many secularists Donohue has even knowingly met in his life.

By the way, and this is really not proof of anything definitive, but in my personal experience people who are suffering from a substantial mental health problem are quite often profoundly religious people.

In fact one of my all times craziest experiences was dealing with a young man who was in the middle of a psychotic break and having an actual back and forth conversation with Jesus about whether he should kill me or not. (Apparently Jesus said no to that. Good guy that imaginary Jesus.)

Not to be too flip but it is hard to take a person who believes that wine and crackers magically turn into blood and flesh seriously about who is, or who is not, crazy.

Just saying.

Ken Ham tells us that Creationists DO believe in climate change. However no need to worry as it is just the earth "settling down" after Noah's flood. Oooookay.

Okay so on Saturday Ken Ham, founder of the Creation Museum and the worst thing to happen to children's brains since lead based paint, wrote a post explaining how everybody is wrong to assume that Creationists do not like science.

In fact they LOVE science. Just not the science that scientists understand.

Confused? Me too.

But here let Ham explain it to you:

You see, there are two different kinds of science. Observational science works in the present and is testable, repeatable, and observable. Historical science deals with the past (origins) and is not directly testable, repeatable, or observable. With historical science, the worldview you approach the evidence with is going to determine how you interpret the evidence. Secular scientists start from the perspective that man is the ultimate authority and determines truth, but we start from the view that the Bible is God’s Word and provides the true history of the universe. So we both reach different conclusions when we look at the evidence.

Okay so now do you get it?

The "science" that scientists study is the kind that relies on ridiculous things like facts, reliable testing procedures, and peer review. That kind is much more accessible for really smart people, and makes the brains of less intelligent people hurt like crazy.

However the much easier to understand "historical science" (Which is a term that apparently Ken Ham pulled out of his ass.) simply means that you rely on your faith in the Bible to explain how things work.  See? No brain pain.

Ham then goes on to explain that using his "scientific method" puts the whole global warming thing into perspective, and renders it not nearly so frightening:

I want to emphasize that we do not deny climate change. Even Bill Nye continues to spread the false charge against us that we supposedly deny climate change! What we do deny are the worldview-based assumptions behind the interpretations of what causes climate change. Climate change is observational science (we can observe it by recording measurements), but it needs to be interpreted as to why it’s happening—and your starting point determines your interpretation. Starting from the Bible, we know that there was a global Flood a few thousand years ago that completely changed Earth’s surface and climate, and that the earth is still settling down from this catastrophe. So we should expect there to be some variations in climate change, but this is not alarming and is not the direct result of modern human activity. 

See that kids? 

Sure the earth IS experiencing climate change. However there is no need to worry your ignorant little heads over it because it's really just due to the earth getting its act together after a huge global flood for which there is absolutely NO evidence.

But what am I thinking? What I mean is that there is no "observable science" which proves the existence of Noah's flood. But if you get your information straight from the "historic science" of the Bible, well then everything makes perfect sense.

So don't worry about switching to renewable energy sources, or having to buy an electric car, because God would never allow humans to break the planet he gave us.

And if the oceans do rise, no problem. Because surely God will simply wave his magic wand and give us all gills to help us survive underwater.

Wow, religion really IS the opiate of the masses.

Just in time for Veteran's Day, a new coloring book is released calls "Ted Cruz Saves America!" No, I am NOT making this up!

Courtesy of PR Web:  

The Ted Cruz to the Future Coloring and Activity Book is back by popular demand. Really Big Coloring Books ® is releasing Ted Saves America as a supplement to the Ted Cruz book. The additional eight (8) page supplement is complimentary with the purchase of the Ted Cruz book, the #1 selling coloring book. Releasing the book and supplement on Veterans' Day corresponds with 2nd Amendment values. "The supplement and book are fact based, fair and objective, about a man who millions of American citizens consider a real life true to heart super hero for children to look up to," states Publisher Wayne Bell. "Ted Cruz is history in the making."

Wow, that made me throw in my mouth a little.  

As I am sure many of you have been unable to forget, this is actually the SECOND Ted Cruz coloring book released by this company. We wrote about the first way back in December of last year.

Now here is the problem that I am having when trying to write about the Republicans these days.

I quite literally do not know where the reality ends and the parody begins.

They have become walking talking SNL caricatures, to the point that I often read things like this and immediately think "Okay that's just bullshit, isn't it?" Only to find that it is all too real.

By the way if you ever learn that any of your friends actually purchased one of these books for their children or grandchildren, you need to immediately take them off your e-mail list.  Cause something be very wrong with them.

The intro to Ben Carson's 40 minute "Breath of Fresh Air" documentary will make you wonder if he is getting enough "fresh air" to his brain.

What in the hell did I just watch?

C'mon this is a parody of the actual documentary, right? Right?

Apparently not according to Mediaite:

 The ad starts out exactly as you might expect: Lots of medical imagery, including a flat-lining heart monitor (meant to signify America’s demise?); dramatic music set to video of Dr. Carson in scrubs at his hospital; footage of Fox News and CNN anchors discussing his possible 2016 run; and the neurosurgeon looking directly into the camera while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. 

The pledge gives way to an unending two-minute female narration, full of disjointed sentences and awkward emphasis on arbitrary words.

"Disjointed sentences and awkward emphasis on arbitrary words?" Well hell perhaps Carson really is born to run for political office as a Republican. 

I have not felt so lost watching a video since the last time I transcribed a Sarah Palin interview.

And the time before that was, well that was another Sarah Palin interview as well.

Which I guess helps us to realize whose demographic Carson is shooting for.

I wonder if the Republicans realize that it takes more than pigment to become the conservative answer to Barack Obama?

CNN, the cable news source when Fox News is simply not histrionic enough for you

. 

Somebody needs to tell California Congressman Dana Rohrabacher that it is never a good idea to drunk tweet.

This is the tweet by the Congressman that has everybody all atwitter this morning.

Show my quote pledging to limit my terms. U use word liar a lot. Ur vitriol against me is from info generated by sex ad based publication
— Dana Rohrabacher (@DanaRohrabacher) August 24, 2014

Yeah I am not sure exactly what he is saying, or who he is saying it to. But I am pretty sure his handlers would really like him to stop using Twitter.

Mississippi Tea party challenger refuses to accept that he lost election, decides to file suit to force Republican party officials to say he won by 25,000 votes.

The moment Mississippi voters should have seen this coming.

Courtesy of ABC News: 

Mississippi State Sen. Chris McDaniel officially announced the beginning of a legal effort to challenge the results of his primary fight against six-term incumbent Sen. Thad Cochran. 

The campaign formally filed a challenge with the Mississippi Republican Party’s executive committee, the official first step to mounting a legal challenge.

Even though McDaniel was beaten by 7.600 votes, and those votes were unanimously certified by the Republican party's executive committee,  he has refused to concede.

And now after his volunteers have spent that last month or so combing through voter rolls they think they have found enough questionable votes to give the election to their candidate. How surprising.

The McDaniel camp is not asking for another runoff, they simply want the election given to them, and allow McDaniel to win by 25,000 phantom votes.

Holy crap did Mississippi dodge a bullet with this guy!

Did you ever have one of those days?

Seriously WTF was all of that about?

I woke up early this morning around 3:00 AM and reached for my I-Pad so I could okay comments before going back to sleep. Only to find there were none.

"Well that's odd," I thought. But hell it's 3:00 in the morning I can't really wake up enough to seriously worry about it. So back to sleep.

Later, around 5:00 AM when I usually get up, I checked again.

Nothing.

Uh oh!

So I checked the blog and everything looked just fine. Except there were NO comments, and according to my StatCounter virtually nobody had visited during the night and early morning.

Then I checked my email, and THAT was when I got the bad news.

First I have to say that I have been with Blogger since I first started IM in 2004, and for the most part it has been worry free.

But this shit this morning was new to me. And I still have no idea what caused the problem.

I jumped through all of the hoops, but only received minimal response from Google help, and then the blog just popped back up like there was never a problem in the first place.  No idea why.

Anyhow guys thanks for all of the concern, the helpful comments, (Including the ones containing bizarre conspiracy theories,), and, and as always, your ongoing support.

If anything like this happens again, please let me know by email right away.

P.S. And a big shout out to Malia for hosting some of the my concerned visitors, and letting them vent. We bloggers have to have each others back don'tcha know?