Sarah Palin speaks out on the North Korea missile tests. The world holds its breath in anticipation.

Responding to the missile test by North Korea, Governor Sarah Palin on Monday reaffirmed Alaska’s commitment to protecting America from rogue nation missile attacks.

“I am deeply concerned with North Korea’s development and testing program which has clear potential of impacting Alaska, a sovereign state of the United States, with a potentially nuclear armed warhead,” Governor Palin said.

"I can’t emphasize enough how important it is that we continue to develop and perfect the global missile defense network. Alaska’s strategic location & the system in place here have proven invaluable in defending the nation.”

"Sovereign state of the United States"? Was there some confusion about that? Just for clarification we were the 49th state to be added, right before that upstart Hawaii.

Actually the only time that Alaska has "defended the nation" is during World War 2, which was before we were a "sovereign state of the United States", whatever that means, and to occasionally chase Russian planes out of our air space, but that is really just an excuse for both sides to burn up some jet fuel. If Russia wanted Alaska they would not have sold it for 7.2 million dollars.

It looks like this was just another attempt by Governor Palin to sound presidential and statesmen-like, but sadly her choice of vocabulary undermines the effect.

I seriously doubt the North Koreans tremble at the words of Caribou Barbie.

They shot down one of our missiles!

The Defense Department said today it shot down a missile launched from a military base in Alaska in a simulated attack designed to test a proposed shield against strikes by long-range ballistic missiles from nations such as North Korea.

The Pentagon's Missile Defense Agency used an interceptor missile launched from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California to knock down a missile meant to simulate the speed and trajectory of a North Korean attack. It struck the target missile around 3:30 p.m., shortly after the target was launched from a military base on Kodiak Island, according to Cheryl Irwin, a Pentagon spokeswoman.

I have no idea when relations between Alaska and California became so dangerous, but by all that is holy if it is a war they want then it is a war they are going to get!

Apparently that barrier of Granola they have around their state renders our missiles ineffective, so we are going to have to come up with another line of attack.

Personally I think our best bet is to taunt them by making fun of the new fall line up until we enrage the television executives (who run California) into send their National Guard troops up the AlCan Highway where we will be waiting for them.

Once we have them on our turf all we have to do is sit back and let the Alaska climate do our work for us. Those California sissies will quickly find that the electrolysis that every Californian is state mandated to receive will instantly render them immobile the minute the temperature drops below 35 degrees.

Add the wind chill factor and we will have a nice crop of California pansy-sicles to put right next to the pink flamingos in our front yards in Spenard.

(By the way, massive amounts of body hair is the Alaskans secret weapon for coping with the bone chilling cold in Alaska, just ask any woman from Girdwood. Shhh, don't tell anybody.)

So I have every confidence that Alaska will easily beat California in any ground war. My only concern may be this guy:



God look at that guy! He is almost as crazed as the average Alaskan man after many winter months of being stuck in the house with his wife and kids!

Well unless this guy holds any kind of position of power in California I think we are pretty safe.

(Actually I won't bother sweating that guy either. Not only is he as hairless as a new born baby, he also does not even have any of the all important insulating body fat. He won't even make it through Canada like that! Hah! I laugh at your California girly men!)