And after you order it you lose your health care and it spends the meal trying to convince you that its pickle is not small.

Just a picture of President Obama eating with Anthony Bourdain in Vietnam for a segment of the show "Parts Unknown."

Source

Okay why does everything this man does look so damn cool?

Apparently in between bites the President also lifted the decades old arms ban in Vietnam as well.

John Oliver on Whole Foods.

Click image to play video

Okay I have a confession to make.

The entire point of this post is for my daughter's benefit alone.

She fucking LOVES Whole Foods, and any other store that advertises it sells non-GMO organically grown products.

My daughter reads food labels like lonely middle aged men read the back of porn DVDs.

"Nope too much fat in this one."

"Nope too many unnatural additives in that one."

She quite literally drives me crazy by judging the foods I eat, which in my defense are pretty healthy, by some unnatural standard that I could only achieve if I lived off of berries and bark in the woods near my house.

And even then she would probably be upset if she was not convinced that I had humanely harvested the tree bark without causing any pain to the tree.

Alaska fish processors have cum up with a new idea of how to spray more of their product over the face of Japan.

Courtesy of Alaska Dispatch:  

Let’s get one thing out of the way right now: This is a story about cod semen and the people who love to eat it. 

Right now, fishing boats are pulling Pacific cod from the Bering Sea and Gulf of Alaska. According to the North Pacific Fishery Management Council’s guidelines, fisherman are allowed to catch up to 325,000 tons of cod this year. 

A lot of that cod will become fish sticks or batter-fried filets. 

But many processors in Alaska also remove the sperm sacs of male cod, a seafood product called cod milt. In Japan, a high-end market exists for cod milt, which goes by the unsettling literal name shirako, or “white children.” 

Virtually unknown in the U.S. outside certain bold Epicurean circles, the male counterpart to caviar is a delicacy in Japan, where it is tempura fried, dipped in ponzu sauce or served in hot pot soup dishes typically enjoyed in winter months, according to Akiko Yakata, the Alaska Seafood Marketing Institute’s representative in Japan.

Okay seriously, will Japanese people eat ANYTHING?

Well I guess this is good news for Alaska fishermen who have been beating, and beating, and beating themselves raw trying to come up with a new idea that will utilize more of the fish that they already catch.

My only question is WHO was the first person who thought to themselves, "Gee I wonder what fish sperm tastes like?"

Because THAT guy kind of concerns me.

"Doomsday Prepper" planning last stand against the Federal government, decides instead to turn himself in for some burgers and fries.

Martin Winters.

Courtesy of Raw Story:  

The two-day manhunt for a Florida man ended Wednesday morning at the FBI office in Tampa, when 55-year-old “doomsday prepper” Martin Winters surrendered to authorities. According to the Tampa Bay Times, a wet, footsore and weary Winters gave up his freedom for the promise of some dry shoes, Gatorade, a couple of cheeseburgers and some French fries. 

Winters is the head of a group known as the River Otter Preppers, survivalists who believe in hoarding weapons and supplies ahead of an apocalyptic event foretold in the Christian Bible’s final book, the Book of Revelations. (Oh they sound like a fun group.) An undercover FBI agent infiltrated the group and spent months building a case against Winters, who the agent said was planning a bloody, heavily-armed “last stand” against law enforcement officials. 

“We’re glad to report that Mr. Winters did the right thing,” FBI spokesman David Couvertier told reporters. “We were hoping for a peaceful resolution, and today we got that.” A federal grand jury handed down an indictment two weeks ago naming Winters and five others on charges of designing and building destructive devices without a permit and other charges. Winters invoked his right to remain silent on Wednesday when he appeared before Magistrate Judge Thomas Wilson. 

Authorities attempted to apprehend Winters on Monday, but he fled the scene, prompting the offer of bounty money.

"Give it up Feds, you're never going to take me alive! Hey, are those fries I smell?"

If the real Founding Fathers, for which men of this sort express such admiration, had been this easy to lure into captivity we would all be drinking tea, referring to each other as "guv'nuh," and calling a car hood a "bonnet."

Honestly though I am glad this did not end with somebody getting shot. Hopefully the dozens of incidents just like it that are almost certainly coming in the near future will end in a similar, non-violent, fashion.

Of course that does not serve the purposes of those on the Right Wing fanning the flames of distrust and hatred toward our government who are hell bent on starting a conflict in which some poor bastard is gunned down by federal agents of one kind or another, so that they can be martyred and used to increase the level of anger and vitriol, until the country explodes in a newer, more violent, version of the Civil War.

My daughter wanted me to nag all of you with this list.

This is probably the biggest argument we have in our house right now.

My daughter is heavily against Monsanto products and anti-GMO.  And if I forget to check a label before bringing home the groceries, she starts with the lectures.

Actually to be honest my house has very few of the items listed above.

I do have an old box of Bisquick, some Heinz ketchup, and one lone box of Kraft macaroni and cheese. But other than that I am Monsanto free.

How about you?

Believing that story of the White House chef resigning negatively reflects on the First Lady, and her focus on healthy eating, Sarah Palin tries to get a few licks in herself.

Courtesy of Julia Childish's Facebook page: 

“W.H. pastry chef quits: ‘I don’t want to demonize cream, butter, sugar and eggs’” I love this person.

Palin then offers a link to a Washington Times article with the above headline.

Oooh, bitchy! Right?

Of course if she had  bothered to read the article, she would have read this:

“[She’s] definitely an inspiring boss,” he said, to The New York Times. “She has done [her campaign] with humor and good will, without preaching, just the way you would hope.” 

Not exactly a slam on the First Lady now is it? 

The chef, Bill Yosses, is also going to move to New York to teach people some "healthy eating tactics." So clearly he was incredibly upset about Michelle Obama's focus on healthy eating, don'tcha know?

So ridiculous is the assertion, that Yosses is leaving due to a conflict with Michelle Obama, that even Glenn Beck's media outlet, The Blaze, could not let it stand:

The quote he gave the Times about not wanting to “demonize” sugary foods appears to have been said more in good humor instead of as a scathing remark against Obama’s healthy foods campaign. 

As for Michelle Obama being “partly to blame” for Yosses leaving? That was simply a clever opening lede to the Times’ story. 

Technically, the Times said the first lady is partly to blame — but that’s because it said she inspired him to teach others about healthy foods, not because Yosses was unhappy working under her. 

If evidence exists that Yosses left for other reasons, none has been presented thus far.

You know when you are so wrong that The Blaze feels the need to correct you, you KNOW you have gone off the deep end. 

By the by Palin also uses this middle school girl attack to congratulate Piper on her birthday. You know, why not?

And HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIPER INDI GRACE! We love you!

Nothing like having your happy birthday wishes wrapped in a giant fuck you to the First Lady, isn't it Piper?

8 year old upset that some of his classmates did not have enough money to buy school lunch, raises $11,000.

8 year old Cayden Taipalus

Courtesy of IAcknowledge:

 8-Year-Old Raises Thousands of Dollars to Pay Off Past Due Lunch Accounts of Classmates Jameson March 6, 2014 Class Warfare Exists Let it never be said that even young children can’t see injustice in the world, nor are they powerless to do anything about it. 

When 8-year-old Cayden Taipalus saw that some of this fellow classmates at school were forced to forgo hot meals because their lunch account balances had dipped into the negative, he came home upset. His school’s policy was to allow students to go $5 into the negative before replacing their regular hot meals with cheese sandwiches and milk, according to Tom Gould, director of public relations for the Howell Public School District where Cayden attends. 

“Like a lot of districts, we use accounts where parents add money to their students’ accounts,” Gould said, explaining that parents are notified when their child has a negative balance.

But it’s a problem that faces many students, with some children’s parents unable to afford to ever get them out of the negative. When he got home from school that day, he told his mother that he felt like it was unfair that some kids weren’t being served hot meals and instead had to eat cheese sandwiches because their lunch accounts had no money in them. 

“I just want to make kids have a better lunch,” he told TODAY.com. 

So he decided to do something about it. First, he and his mom began to collect empty bottles and cans and exchanging them as part of a recycling program. That got him about $64, and bought about 150 lunches. Pretty impressive for an 8-year-old, but Cayden was just warming up. 

After he got a little local press for his act of kindness, people began contacting his family asking what they could do to help. Seeing an opportunity to make a bid difference, he started a campaign on an online fundraising site that got money to put towards his schools lunch program. The dollars began pouring in. 

Hundreds of people from across the United States and abroad have donated, pitching in a staggering $10,800 to the cause so far. That’s enough money to pay for well over 4,000 school lunches. Cheese sandwiches will be a distant memory. Cayden probably just got a lot more friends around the school yard.

Whenever I hear anybody say they worry about the future of this country, I always tell them not to.

If this represents the generations to follow ours then I think we are in good hands indeed,

I wish I could express the same confidence in the grownups who think that denying children a hot meal because their parents are a few dollars light in their accounts is teaching these children a valuable lesson.

Well at least they taught one 8 year old boy a lesson he will never forget.

Robyn O'Brien on kids and food allergies from GMO's. This is one of those videos that you must see, no excuses.

I apologize ahead of time for how much this information is going to bother you today, but not for providing the information to help educate you on the fact that American food suppliers are literally poisoning us, and our children, in the name of higher profits.

My daughter only occasionally insists that I post something on this blog, but she was so adamant about this one that she badgered me for hours to make sure I watched it and then that I shared it with all of you.

I can tell you unequivocally from my experiences working with children for the last thirty years that  Robyn O'Brien's observations are dead on concerning the explosion of nut allergies that have been identified in young children. I assume that most of us grew up in this country and can remember only a handful of children with severe allergies and perhaps NONE who were deathly allergic to nuts. (At least I can remember none, but my daughter numbers among those who I know today.)

In the bigger picture this also speaks to the fact that the Republican talking point that businesses do NOT need consistent and comprehensive regulations is false. Rather than being self regulating, and keeping the best interests of their customers in the forefront of their decision making, they instead treat the consumer as collateral damage on their way to higher profits.

Young activist fighting for Monsanto to label their GMO foods, challenges TV host to a debate and then takes his ass to school.

Courtesy of Salon:

Rachel Parent, founder of “Kids Right to Know,” just wants people to be aware of what’s in their food, and to be able to avoid GMOs if they so wish. 

Does she know what a lobbyist is? asks Canadian TV host Kevin O’Leary. 

Yes, and she just wants people to be aware of what’s in their food. 

Let’s say instead of being white and privileged, she was born in China, had no vitamin A in her rice, went blind, and died. Does she still hate GMOs? 

She’d like to see some independent studies. Really, she just wants people to be aware of what’s in their food.

Damn! remind me not to get into an argument with THIS young lady!

You know the part where it is pointed out that we, the consumer, are essentially the lab rats that companies like Monsanto use to do long term testing on their products really made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

The fact is that over the last twenty years companies have been bypassing rigorous testing standards in order to get their products into the market faster and we have already seen substantial fall out from that. (After all it took a Naked Chef to finally get McDonalds to stop feeding us poison meat.)

I thought this young lady was beyond articulate and nothing she was saying sounded at all anti-science. In fact it seemed clear to me that all she wanted was for the companies using us as lab rats tell us that we are being used as lab rats so we can take ourselves out of the experiment.

I find that an admirable goal and applaud the fact that she has the guts to fight for us against a company as large and influential as Monsanto. (Remember they now own the same army of mercenaries that we used in Iraq.)

Something to think about the next time you are considering how much to tip your waitress.

This comes to you courtesy of my sister who has worked her entire life as either a waitress or a bartender, and in honor of my mother who raised three children while working as both a waitress and a bartender.

I have only ever once forgotten to tip my waitress. It happened the night of my prom, while eating at the restaurant my mother was working at.

Our waitress was her best friend, and somehow between three couples none of us remembered to leave a tip, even though two of us were working as busboys at the time.

The next morning my mother burst into my room and started yelling at me, telling me that I had made her friend cry because she thought she had done something wrong and that I was mad at her.

I was both horrified and embarrassed.

Needless to say she got her tip, and it was quite generous, I have NEVER once forgotten to leave a tip since.

And I never will.

Last night's Top Ten, and yet another reason why I avoid "bucket food" restaurants.

I saw the original videos posted on Reddit the other day, and was so disgusted by them that I had a hard time eating my own dinner.

I hate places like the Golden Corral and simply refuse to go there regardless of what others in my family may want.

That WAS a funny Top Ten by Letterman however.

Bill Maher takes on food in America.

"If we don't fix how we grow food and don't stop turning our oceans into a carbon sink for coal... your grandkids are going to grow up dreaming of getting some horse meat while they munch down on their McPlankton sandwich."

Do I really need to remind you that this is NSFW?

As Americans celebrate our holidays of giving, perhaps we could learn more about TRUE giving from this amazing man.

That really put a smile on my face.

I especially appreciated that he had to go against his own cultural and religious beliefs in order to reach out to those in need. That is huge and definitely a lesson to us all.

I guess Twinkies don't last forever.

Courtesy of NBC News:

Hostess Brands, baker of iconic Twinkies cakes, said Friday it asked a court's permission to shut down the entire company after a strike crippled its operations. 

The move shuts down one of the nation's oldest and largest producers of baked goods. Founded in 1930, it produces such well-known brands, aside from Twinkies, as Ding-Dongs, Ho Ho's, Sno Balls and Donettes, not to mention Wonder bread, which the company says is the best-selling white bread in the United States. 

In a statement, Hostess said its bakery operations have been suspended at all plants and that it would lay off most of its 18,500 workers to focus on selling its assets. It said it has filed a motion with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court seeking permission to close its business and sell its assets, including 33 bakeries and 565 distribution centers. 

Among those assets: the recipes for its well-known brands, especially the spongy, cream-filled Twinkie, which holds a special place in America's culinary history. Over the years, it has been vilified by nutritionists, but it remains widely loved by snackers. 

CEO and chairman Gregory F. Rayburn told CNBC that he was hopeful the company could sell its brands. 

The company said it would continue to deliver products and its stores would remain open for several days to sell already-baked products. 

A world without Twinkies, oh God the humanity!

You know I was just sitting here trying to remember when was the LAST time I ate a Twinkie. To the best of my recollection it HAS to be at least twenty five years ago.

I am a pretty healthy eater for the most part, and long ago eschewed processed white flour products except on rare occasions. (You know like birthday parties or weekend McDonald runs.)

Still the idea that there might no longer exist on this planet the fluffy white, cream filled, taste treat known as the Twinkie (Not to mention the Ding-Dong, Sno Ball, or Ho-Hos) is somewhat sad to me.

On the other hand perhaps that marketing niche can be filled with actual food this time. You know whole wheat muffins, or honey sweetened Baklava, or something that does not take minutes off of your life as you chew it. That would be good, right?

I just have to wonder if as we get down to the last Twinkie on earth, we are not plunged into a Zombie apocalypse hell-scape as depicted in the film Zombieland? Could happen.

Perhaps, in the end, civilization in this country is only tenuously held together with preservative riddled sponge cake and vanilla flavored marshmallow creme.

One of the few religious holidays I observe. The Superbowl!

Thank God there's nothing phallic about this!

Good morning sports fans!

I hope that you are prepared for today's festivities.

Got your cold beer?

The  big sandwich?

Some hot wings?

Kids duct taped to the walls of their bedroom?

Well then you my friend are ready to sit back and enjoy America's favorite pastime that you can do with your clothes on.  (Or off, we don't judge here.)

I actually don't watch football, ever, but I DO watch the Superbowl every year for the same reason that everybody else does. Because I am a hapless victim of marketing.

Today will be the tenth year of the Gryphen family tradition where my brother comes over to eat my food, laugh at the fact that I once again do not know who is playing, and to clog at least one of my toilets. 

We actually never spend any time together except holidays and Superbowl Sunday so this will be kind of special.

Why don't we spend any time together? If you met him you would not have to ask.

I'm kidding, he 's a great guy. From a distance.

Anyhow to start the day off right I thought I would provide a few fun facts courtesy of Beacon Hill Patch:

Five Fun Facts About the Super Bowl 

1. This year, a 30-second commercial costs $3.5 million, up $400,000 from last year, according to Superbowl-ads.com. 

2. Football fans are anticipated to consume an estimated 71.4 million pounds of Hass avocadosduring Big Game gatherings this year, according to the Hass Avocado Board. 

3. If you still think the 1983 season finale of M*A*S*H was the most-watched broadcast in the U.S., think again. The 2010 Super Bowl between the New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts stole that title, only to be beaten exactly one year later when 111 million people tuned in to watch the 2011 Super Bowl between the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers, according toNielsen Co. Will this year's game top the 2011 record? 

4. Heading into the game, The New York Giants have three Super Bowl titles (XXI in 1986, XXVin 1990, and XLII in 2007). They also have four titles in the pre-Super Bowl era: 1927, 1934, 1938, 1956). 

5. On the other hand, The New England Patriots have also won three Super Bowl championships (XXXVI in 2001, XXXVIII in 2003, and XXXIX in 2004). 

Wasn't that fascinating? Yeah I didn't think so either.

To be honest I really watch the game for the commercials. And no that is not unmanly of me.

So here is a peek at one of those just to whet your appetite. 

Now see THAT is entertaining.

Anyhow I hope you have a great day, and really enjoy watching the (team name you're rooting for here) demolish the (other crappy team who has no business even being in the Superbowl here.)


I will do a little blogging today, but not much or else my brother bitches that I am ignoring him and tells mom on me. Such a narc!

Iowa restaurant renames its chicken salad, "Santorum salad." Ahh, the jokes just write themselves don't they?

Courtesy of Livewire:

A Pizza Ranch manager in Boone, Iowa, has renamed the restaurant’s chicken salad “Santorum Salad,” after Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

Jokes don't actually write themselves, so let's see what we can come up with.

I'll start.

"Rick Santorum believes that a chicken should be considered a chicken at the moment of conception. So this could just have easily been an egg salad, and he would never have noticed the difference."

"You can see how this would be the perfect choice for Santorum. White chicken, in white mayonnaise, served to white people, with a taste for the bland."

"I refuse to eat it. I Googled 'Santorum' and you would NOT BELIEVE what the ingredients are to this salad!"

Okay that's it for me. Anybody else got one?

Stephen Colbert discusses the negative impact taking potatoes out of school lunches will have on Middle School children. He seems very passionate about the subject.

Okay now this link will take you to Colbert's brilliant smackdown of Herman Cain, and I admit that it was EXCELLENT, and urge everybody to watch it. 

However it was this next clip which I watched while lying in my bed last night, that had me laughing so hard I damn near wet the sheets. 

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

What did I tell you?

There are SOME people who were really counting on winning that dinner with Sarah.

That may be the funniest Hitler parody thus far!

I ate these things. Did you?